


A Slight Misunderstanding

by earlesstoothlessvagabond



Category: Tom Hardy - Fandom, Tommy Conlon - Fandom, Warrior (2011)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-01-14
Updated: 2016-09-27
Packaged: 2017-11-25 12:04:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 89
Words: 254,613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/638720
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/earlesstoothlessvagabond/pseuds/earlesstoothlessvagabond
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lena never knew she grew up and lived so close to the legend. Until now.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. It All Happens Now

**Author's Note:**

  * For [madrefiero](https://archiveofourown.org/users/madrefiero/gifts), [bitchbehumble](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bitchbehumble/gifts).



There was no way she was going to the gym today. It was raining, she was ragging, and her bed was so….warm, and comfy. Her alarm had already been going off, and she hit snooze for the third time when her phone started going off. Dammit, she knew without even looking- it’s Cal.  
“Hello,” she mumbled, starting to pull the covers off.  
“Uh, yeah, you were supposed to be here like 15 minutes ago!” he barked. "What the hell, get out of bed Lena!”  
“Ok ok, I am. Damn I’m such a pushover! I had already decided to stay in bed today Cal.” She stood up and almost tripped over her shoes. She had been so exhausted from work the night before that she had stripped down the minute she closed her front door, and headed straight for bed. Somehow the shoes were the last thing to go.  
“Get your ass in the bathroom and brush your teeth, and splash some water on your face. I am going to whip you hard today for trying to pull some shit!!” Cal was bossy and mean, but with a smile on his face. He was going for his personal trainer certification and he was getting harder to keep up with. Meanwhile, Lena was studying business management, and working double-shifts at her uncle’s restaurant-it was a classy place, so she had to dress like she was running a high-end attorney’s office,and she never knew if she was going to work the bar, seat tables, carry out food, or chop onions. But she always ended up with Vince in the office, helping him balance the books and run inventory. He was really helping her out, because through him she was getting some serious first-hand experience on how to run a successful business. Vince loved having her around since he had never gone to college, and he relied heavily on her academic insight. He just tried to play it off like he wasn’t impressed.  
Lena stared at herself in the mirror. She did not look 23, she looked 33, bags under her eyes, last night’s makeup smeared around her face.  
“Jesus Christ Cal I look like a corpse!”  
“I-don’t-give-a-shit-Lena, I am headed your way. Be ready or I am taking you as-is.” *click*  
His clipped tone meant he was already out the door. Swearing out loud, she wiped her face with a makeup towel while trying to drag a brush through her long chestnut hair. She ran a little eyeliner around her brownies while she was brushing her teeth, and finished up in the bathroom in record time. She dug around her room, sure that there were some clean workout rags somewhere. Black tank over a sports bra, not much to work with, but ok. And shorts? Eh, the grey yoga pants will have to do.She heard the doorknob rattle as she tightened the laces on her Asics. She swung the door open and there was Cal, 6”2, 195 lbs of pure tanned blonde muscle. Light blue Under Armor today, blinding white Nike Trainers. She shook her head at him. He shook his too.  
“Christ Lena, you are a mess. Can’t you ever coordinate?” He pushed past her and came inside, handing her an Absolute Zero Monster. Cal was very exacting, very beautiful, and very gay. Lena sighed.  
“Um Cal, I don’t know why you do this to me every time, you know damn well I don’t really care. It’s the gym, not Prom at Prada U.”  
He turned on his heel.”Oh really? And why do you wear eyeliner, shit I can see last night’s makeup and it looks pretty good from here. Just in case you see that ginger boy again?” Cal’s voice was deep and manly- she had never heard him get downright bitchy, just with a slight inflection in his words, and she knew he was getting snarky. Lena rolled her eyes at him.  
“So what, so what?” She grabbed her hoodie and snapped open her Monster.”Can we just go now?”  
Cal smiled his dazzling whites at her.”Of course, I thought you’d never say it.” As he walked out she could see the definition in his shoulders, his back, and his ass through the form fitting near-spandex outfit. He was going to end up killing her, she knew. She could not keep up with a man as built as he. Guess I’ll die trying cuz I’m not giving up now, she thought. Together they dashed out the front stoop of her apartment complex into the cold drizzle that was early spring in Pittsburgh.  
“Do you have to work tonight Leelee?” he asked as they ducked into his silver Toyota Ridgeline.  
“Of course Cal, and you know this is probably going to freeze over tonight.” She sighed and downed the rest of her B-vitamin tonic. “I should be studying, guess I am going to have to cram it all in before Tuesday.”  
Cal sighed and looked at her sympathetically.”Hey, tell Vinnie you need the night off. Lena, I can see how exhausted you are.”He patted her knee.”But don’t worry. After I stomp your ass today we can go sit in the sauna at the new gym.”  
Lena was surprised and puzzled. “New gym? But I paid for the year at Colt’s- Cal, I hope you didn’t switch up, cuz I’m not switchin' with you.”  
“Uh hellooo Lee, where have you been, Colt opened up a brand new joint and closed that old rinky-dink shithole down last month!”  
Lena frowned at him.”That place was not a shithole, he made it real nice, poured some cash in it. I liked it.”  
“You like ginger boy, Lena, and I don’t care what you say I could still hear all the shit going on downstairs all the time, at least now he has it totally sectioned off. Can’t wait for you to see it!”  
“C’mon Cal don’t bullshit me, you know you loved to hear the sound of wet sweaty men beating each other up.”  
“No, actually, that threw me off my A-game so many times, Lena really? You were getting pissed cuz I wore my earbuds all the time. Now you know why.” He pulled up in the parking lot. She could see the new neon sign, COLT’S, with bright red lit up boxing gloves swinging from it. The building was enormous, the front windows were double sided mirrors, there was even a sign listing *SHAKE BAR*. Whaaaaat??  
“Wasn’t this a grocery store, ALDI's or something?”  
“Yeah, wait til you see the place, he really went all out.”  
Cal pushed the door open, and sitting at the front desk was Ginger Boy talking to what looked like a plumber. When he saw Lena he grinned like the Cheshire cat. Lena looked up at Cal and gave him the ‘I am going to KILL YOU’ look-Cal just flashed his big pearly whites.  
“Hey haven’t seen you in a while,”said Ginger Boy,”you here to sign back up?”  
“Sign back up, what-“Lena was irritated, but Cal cut her off.  
“Yeah she needs to update her info,” Cal said, and turned looking down at her. "They have to re-enter you in the system, Colt has everyone’s membership info but needs address and phone number updated.” And he grinned at her, complete with a conspiratorial wink.  
‘Cal, you’re dead,”she whispered. “Ok, let’s do this, won’t take long right?”  
“Naw, just need your ID and make sure you’re in the system right.”Ginger Boy smiled again and leaned his arm over the counter. ”I’m Henry.” Lena looked at the meaty hand in front of her and took it to shake.”I was here so much Colt offered me a job running the counter.”  
“Cool,” said Lena, and handed him her ID. He stared at it for a little too long, then handed it back to her.  
“I was born in ’90 too,” he said, and she swore he was staring at her. She was fumbling with her bag, looking away.”OK Lena, think you’re ready to go. Phone number still 555-1720?” Lena nodded, offering a weak smile. Cal stepped on her foot lightly but enough to let her know she was being too shy. “Alright then guys, you want a tour?”  
“No that’s OK Henry, I know my way around,” said Cal, and Lena was inwardly cheering with excitement. "We’ll see you on the way out.” Cal was escorting Lena away, when Henry called after them,”Hey guys, there’s a problem with the sauna, hope it’s up and running by the time you're done.”  
Cal shrugged at her, pulled a face and looked exasperated.”That was awful. Lena, what is your problem? He practically threw it at you and you didn’t even try to catch! I know you have the hots for him, Christ who wouldn’t?”  
Lena turned beet red.”Shut up Cal, I didn’t want to see him looking the way I do, ESPECIALLY up close and you knew he would be behind the counter, you ass!”She smacked his arm hard. “You set me up!!”  
Cal grinned at her as they coasted into the expansive weight/cardio room. Music was blaring, LMFAO mashed up with a Chili Peppers song in an unlikely remix. Lena looked up into the bright lighting and saw- a DJ booth? She blinked and saw it was an extended balcony with a staircase that ran the length of the enormous room, but there was a guy up there and it looked like he was spinning.  
“Cal what the hell?”She gestured to the DJ, who waved at her and switched the track. Now Snoop Dogg started rapping about droppin' it like it's hot from the speakers.  
Cal was bobbing his head to the beat.”Um yeah Colt’s nephew Ras thinks he’s a DJ, he’s not bad! So Colt lets him and a few of his friends spin for free. Not bad right? And they take requests!”  
Lena looked around. Lots of machines, at least 20 treadmills. Some of the machines she didn’t recognize but were getting used. Big burly dudes were towards the back where she could see the Smith machines and row after row of dumbbells, kettlebells, all running the length of the back wall. All the walls were bright, shiny mirrors. Not like Colt’s old place at all.  
“I-I don’t know, Cal, I don’t think I like this.” She felt so small and exposed. “I liked the old dark stinky cardio room.”  
“Just shut up, gimme your bag chick, I’m stuffing it in a locker.” Cal took off to a wide hallway that split in two, one side for men, one side for women. Lena stood there and peered up at the DJ, and she couldn’t help but smile. He was nodding his head and was totally into what he was playing, which was another mash-up of House of Pain and AC/DC. Requests, huh? She was going to use that privilege.  
Cal dragged her over to the treadmills for a warm-up. She was taking her time and warming up slow at first, while he ran and made her feel like a fool. But then the endorphins kicked in and she didn’t care anymore. Of course he started huffing out orders to her and she had to push harder, getting up to a brisk jog and then barking at him when he ordered her to run. ”No!” she gasped- her girl cramps were knocking her senseless. Cal shook his head and waited, he had hit his zone and was ready for weights. She slowed then stopped, glaring at him.”I hit my target too, Cal, you’re not ragging, I am.”  
She headed over to the flye machine, today would have to be arms and shoulders, she couldn’t do legs, not today. Cal was nowhere to be seen, so she just settled in for her usual routine, when “Bleeding Love” set to a uptempo beat started playing. Instantly she knew Cal was jacking with her, and she laughed in spite of herself. Cal came swaggering into sight, a smile split his lovely chiseled face.  
“You are such a shit.”  
“Yes-I-am. Stop.” And he moved behind the machine. She knew he was adjusting the weight.  
“C’mon Cal, please take it easy.”  
“No. More weight, less reps. Move your ass.”  
“Fffffffuuuuuuhhhhhck.” He had to have added 20 pounds.  
The entire workout was like that, and then it was time for another round of cardio. Twenty minutes again, max heart rate again. She got on the treadmill and began. She was dripping sweat and panting, meanwhile Cal was clipping along, bopping to the music and smiling like he was on a float at the Rose Parade. “For Whom The Bell Tolls” by Metallica was on, and it was perfect. The bell was tolling for her to get home and shower. She still had 27 minutes to go, when she looked up and saw someone she had only heard and read about getting on a treadmill in front and to the right of hers. Not as tall as she expected, looking kind of scrawny compared to the pics and footage she had seen. Tommy Conlon? No way.  
She looked over at Cal and he was agape, for the first time he looked like he was actually working out instead of barely breaking a sweat. The man ahead of her pulled on a black hoodie and started off on a full-book run, like he was being chased by the cops. No warm up for him. He was sweaty to begin with, must’ve been at the weights already, and his grey sweatpants were baggy but looked wet in spots as he continued tearing it up, long striding legs pinwheeling. Her time was nearly up when he finally slowed down and then just quit, gasping for breath. He wiped at his face and stalked off to the men’s hallway.  
Cal and Lena looked at each other, and Cal got off his treadmill and started making his way quickly to the men’s room. “Don't forget my bag!” Lena called after him, wiping her face with a towel. It was 12:15, she was starving, and she had to be at work at 4. She remembered she had some business of her own to attend to and started heading towards the hallway, patting her face down, when the treadmill man knocked right into her. She looked up right into the most piercing grey-blue eyes she had ever seen. He stunk to high heaven and was soaked with sweat. ”S’cuse me,” he breathed, deftly sidestepping her to move past her, walking as fast as he could to the front doors. She watched from afar as Ginger Henry said something to him and the man just put his hand out-she wasn’t sure if it was a wave or what, but Ginger Henry immediately cut his talking short and just watched him leave too. Henry turned around and caught Lena staring out at the door, looking puzzled. Henry shrugged at her and waved, turning back around to fiddle with the computer at his desk.  
Cal walked up on her quickly.”C’mon let’s go,”he said. "The sauna is down until who knows when, sorry girl.”  
“No time anyway,” Lena said, pulling her bag over her shoulder.”I’m fuckin’ starvin’.”  
As they headed out, Cal was talking a mile a minute and wouldn’t shut up.”He is sooo intense Lena, I went into the locker room and he was acting like his house was on fire!”  
“I don’t get it, is it really him?” She buckled her seatbelt and Cal took off. She knew he was headed to the Pita Pit, hummus and chicken with alfalfa, tomato, and cucumber, yum.  
“Yeah, definitely, I know there were a few times I would go up to Colt’s with my mom, you know the first place he had? Colt introduced me to him once, it was seven years ago I think? He said my mom made the best lasagna. He was really nice then. Now he looks like a crackhead, acts like one too.”  
“Well, didn’t he get into some shit after that big fight? Your mom still talks to Paddy right?"  
“Yeah not so much anymore though, he got real fucked up again and my mom wasn’t gonna deal with that, so…” Cal pulled up to the Pita Pit drive-thru. Thankfully the drizzle had stopped, but now the wind was blowing like hell and Cal was freezing with his sweat-soaked head hanging out of the window.  
“Can I get two Super Chicken pitas please? No cheese. And one of ‘em extra meat-“  
Lena elbowed him.“Both of em Cal!!”  
“Scratch that, BOTH of ‘em extra meat! Two diet cokes-no,no fries thanks.” Cal sat back and pulled around, grabbing his debit card. He saw Lena going for her wallet and he stayed her hand.”I got this babe.”  
Lena threw four bucks on his dash.”I love you Cal, but sometimes you act like my boyfriend. Please take it. Thanks for getting me up, I actually feel better.”  
“Told you so beeeeiiitch,” he laughed and grabbed the food through the window. "And anyway I am your boyfriend, remember? You are never gonna get a man, I am the best thing you got. Quit fuckin’ hiding anyway, you’re gorgeous already without that warpaint you put on your face for work. Next time you see Ginger Boy, just try, TRY to be friendly? OK? It’s a sure thing.”  
Lena smiled shyly.”You think so?”  
“I know so. Damn you know I got that radar. And he’s so obvious!”  
They sat in the truck and ate, slurping their Diet Cokes when they should have had water and protein drinks. But fuck it, she was on the run now for sure. 1:30 pm. Damn. She couldn’t stop thinking about Crackhead Tommy though. His eyes were haunting her. She had seen pictures of him years ago, and he didn’t look the same. “Didn’t Tommy Conlon go to jail for going AWOL?” she asked, trying to pull an alfalfa sprout from in between her front teeth.  
“Jesus, look at you, cavewoman. Yes he went to jail. I dunno, I’m gonna ask my mom if she’s talked to Colt lately.” Cal’s dad had been a fighter, and he had gotten knocked around so much one terrible night that he had a fatal brain hemorrhage. His dad had trained with Colt for years, they had gone to high school together. Cal was only 14 when it happened, and Colt did everything he could to help Cal’s mom with bills and whatever she needed. He was helping put Cal through school. Cal had wanted to fight, but his mom, Rita, would never allow it. She would bring him with her all the time, whenever she needed to talk to Colt or when she wanted to bring up some food for the guys. Cal guessed she was trying to keep his dad’s memory alive, letting Cal hang out with the fighters and spar when he thought she wasn’t looking. A boy needs his father, that’s what Rita would always yell at his dad when they would argue over another fight she didn’t agree to. Cal shook his head and backed up the Ridgeline. “Tommy probably did his time and now he wants to get back in. But I’ll tell ya he’s got a long way to go.”  
Lena nodded her head. “How old would you put him at, Cal?”  
Cal shot her a look.”Well, he wasn’t older than 27 or 28, I think, for the very first Sparta, so…..you do the math Ms.Business Major.”  
“33 or so I guess?” She shrugged. Jail is hard on a person, she knew what it had done to her father. He did 9 years for assault with a deadly weapon and attempted murder…..another story she didn’t like to reminisce over. She shuddered.  
“I know what you’re thinking,”said Cal knowingly.  
“Oh yeah? What am I thinking, Karnak?”  
“If it bothers you we don’t have to go back to Colt’s-“  
“No way, why would it bother me? Cal, really?”  
“I know you too well Lena, and if he ever weirds you out just be honest and tell me, OK?”  
“OK,”she smiled,”I don’t think he will. No worries.”  
Cal pulled up to her apartment façade. "You want me to walk you in?”  
“No, I gotta get going Cal, I’m going to be late at this rate!” She kissed his cheek and hopped out the truck, keys in hand to open the locked entryway.  
“Have a good night girl!” Cal slipped his sunglasses on against the rays that were starting to peek out through the clouds. He slipped into traffic and was gone, and Lena was already in her apartment running the shower. She could see the Legendary Tommy, crackhead Tommy now?- charging ahead on the treadmill every time she closed her eyes. She wondered why he was on her mind, and wondered how to get him out.


	2. Lena and Cal

Work was crazy busy. She had a round server’s tray full of cocktails balanced on her left palm and three more glasses balanced in her right. Vinnie had booked a business event and had neglected to staff the cocktail waitresses adequately. Naturally Lena slipped right in and got the heavy-drinking professionally dressed group of 45 all the drinks they could handle. Her feet were throbbing and her delts were sore, but she kept right on smiling as the men stuffed tips in her mini server’s apron that wrapped nicely around her mid-length pencil skirt. Some of the women were not as nice- she looked like a younger, leaner version of them and the more they drank the bitchier they got. Lena, unflappable as always, killed them with kindness and cussed in the kitchen to the cooks about them. Finally, after midnight, the kitchen was clean, the front was swept, mopped, vacuumed, and polished, and Vince and Lena sat down at the bar, all alone , drinking Drambuie on the rocks while Lena glanced over the produce order for tomorrow and Vince counted the cash down.  
“You know kid, you’re alright." Vince smiled at her, and flipped her $500. Lena held it in her hand but didn’t take it right away. Her shocked expression was priceless, and Vince couldn’t help but laugh out loud. She still looked like the little snot-nosed brat niece 20 years his junior, all wide-eyed and slack jawed.”Did you think I forgot it’s your birthday, Lee?”  
“Not for another week! Uncle Vinnie, I don’t want to take this, c’mon you got kids-“  
“And my kids are fine, Lena we’re going on vacation in a month, and I need you to run this joint with Louis”-his partner-“and you know for Louis to get his ass in here, oh it’s gonna be such a pain in the ass for you, I feel really bad Lena. Take the damn money, I’m gonna give you more later too.”  
“What-?!”  
“Babe, you’re gonna need it. I know you got a test you should be studying for-yeah I talked to your mom, so what? You got books and tuition dontcha? Plus you never know when you’re gonna need it so g’head!”  
“Uncle Vinnie-“  
“Shuddup! I don’t wanna hear one more word. Ya heah?”  
Vinnie and her father were brothers from Brooklyn, New York, that and a little Pittsburgh thrown in- his accent was ridiculous. And she loved it, she loved hearing it, sounded just like her dad was there. Lena smiled at him, gratefully pocketing the cash, and gave him a great big hug.”Thank you so much Uncle.”  
“Yeah yeah awright, now go home please,”he said, getting up from the barstool. "Now get outta my hair, I'm closin' this joint. Finish the orders tomorrow morning.”  
Lena watched her uncle stuff the money in his metal braced suitcase.  
“You know you get overwhelmed in the morning. And when the hell are you just gonna get the bank to list you on their armored car route? Carrying that cash is deadly in this neighborhood!”  
“Christ you sound like my mother! I know, I know, but it’s what’s in my other hand that’s deadly, Lena.”  
“I know Unc, you got your piece.”  
“Yeah that’s right, they try to grab me it’ll be the last thing they do.”  
“Alright... well, you wild man, let’s get out of here huh?”  
Uncle Vinnie had his trenchcoat on, salt and pepper hair slicked back, metal suitcase in one hand and the other hand concealed in the coat pocket, looking like an extra for The Untouchables. Lena shook her head, smiling at him, and they walked out. She set the alarm and shut the doors, locking them tight, and Vinnie saw her to her car. “Goodnight doll,” he said gruffly, and shut the door of her tiny Honda hatchback. He climbed into his black Lincoln and they left the parking lot in different directions. At a stoplight she saw two guys commiserating under a streetlight. One had a black hoodie on, and she could just make out the facial profile. Crackhead Tommy? She shook her head, wondering what the hell was wrong with her. But when her light turned green and she passed them slowly, Black Hoodie turned to furtively look at her car. It was him. “Shit!” she whispered loudly and looked away. Twice in one day? And in the most unlikeliest of places. Must have been scoring, she thought, and hit the accelerator. “Gotta get home…”she sighed, and before she knew it she was pulling up to the gate of her apartment parking lot. She couldn’t remember driving home and it was because she was thinking about Tommy. She felt saddened because she had always heard about him through her brother, who was obsessed with MMA growing up, he idolized Tommy during that brief moment of local fame the Sparta match made for the town, and she really couldn’t have cared less then but she remembered the poster, the newspaper cutouts, it was Tommy mania for her brother David. Now she saw this same man, battered and lean and probably buying drugs on a street corner. Damn if her brother could see it now, but he was on his third tour in Afghanistan and she and her mom hadn’t spoken to him in over a month.  
Lena slept broken sleep that night, she heard David’s voice in her dark dream and there were sounds of explosions. She woke up in a panic, and tried to go back to sleep. Her bed felt hot, the stupid heater didn’t shut off by itself again….she got up to get a glass of water and shut the heat off, and she checked her phone to see what time it was-5:15am, damn! She saw a text message from Cal-“Hey chick, can’t sleep! Mom talked to Colt-it’s Tommy and he’s fresh out of military jail. Colt says he’s in bad shape. Call me in the morning so we can go for a before-class run! LY”  
Lena shook her head. "No Cal, jog, not run.” She drank the water down and flopped back into bed.  
THE next morning the sun was streaming in her windows, right in her face. Her phone was singing “Whoomp! There It Is!” at top volume-Cal again no doubt. She thrashed her way out of the sheets and blanket and grabbed her phone just to make it stop. Oh God, 9:15, she had to hurry the hell up and get down to her 10:30 class! She had to drive across town to PCC and that was a nightmare in and of itself, so she pulled her jeans on, fixed herself up and grabbed her bookbag, hurtling out the door. Cal was leaned up against her Honda, dressed all in black, ruefully shaking his head.  
“Tsk tsk tsk.”  
“Shut up, Cal, dammit get in!”  
Cal had to be at his class at 10:30 too. Lena always worried unnecessarily in his eyes, she was never late and that was because she drove like the Devil himself was chasing her, so he worried more about surviving that than being late.  
“Should just WAKE UP and then you can LEAVE ON TIME Lena,”he sighed tightening his seatbelt.  
“I said shut up didn’t I?” She careened into traffic and Cal braced himself to the dash. “Tell me you have coffee of some sort.”  
“No, and we don’t have time to stop.” He watched Lena sigh longingly for caffeine.”Bu-u-ut I did bring you a bottle of some crappy coffee beverage-"  
Before he could hand it to her she had it open and was draining the caramel colored liquid from a glass bottle.”Mmm what is this?”  
“Starbucks Vanilla Caramel Frappy-liquid thigh, all the damn sugar, ugh! But damn, it is good.”  
“I don’t care what’s in it it tastes a little like coffee!" She finally acknowledged him, making eye contact. “Thank you Cal, my darling!!”  
“She speaks….politely!” Cal giggled. “You’re welcome.Slow down a little, we are going to die.”  
“No we’re making good time!”  
“Yes, exactly why it’s OK to slow the hell down!!”He sighed audibly, and Lena let up on the accelerator. “Thank you.”  
“So-“they both began, and Lena waved at him. “You first, Cal.”  
“Yes, thanks. My mom talked to Colt last week and forgot to tell me about Crackhead Tommy.” He saw her wince. “Hmm. Anyway, he was hurt pretty bad at that Sparta fight, remember he lost-“  
“Yeah I remember, Cal.” Lena didn’t mean to sound so clipped.  
“What’s your deal?”  
“I’m sorry…just that, I saw him last night-“  
“What?!?”  
“Yeah he was standing on the corner of 16th and Highland-“  
“Well that seals the deal.”  
“It just really bummed me out. I had a dream about David and-“ her eyes were watering up, where did this come from? Cal saw her choke up and began rubbing her leg.  
“Hey. Hey. Lena, it’s going to be ok. David is going to be ok. You have to believe that.”  
“I know Cal, I try not to deal, just stay strong for Mom, she’s already been through so much-“  
“So have you, Leelee.You are one of the strongest people I know. But sometimes it’s OK to cry. I just don’t want you losing hope.”  
“Seeing Tommy all fucked up just makes me sad. In a way, I’m glad that David’s not around to see it, because he would march right up to him even now and ask for an autograph, but... damn I really wish he were home.” Lena sniffed hard, trying to get ahold of herself. She was driving and not realizing what she was doing again, auto-pilot to the rescue, because PCC loomed high and wide before them in the parking lot.  
“I know, that’s why I warned you about going back to Colt’s. I know how much David worshipped Tommy, it’s why he became a Marine, really. It’s gonna be hard if you keep bumping into him, it’s going to make you miss David all the more.” Lena nodded and looked at Cal.”I am here for you Lee. Why don’t we go see your mom tonight after night class and have dinner with her. Cool?”  
“Cool. Thanks Cal.” She hugged him and caught sight of the dash clock.10:12.”Whew! We made it!”  
Cal laughed as he opened his door. “Yeah, the worst part of it all is the more upset you got, the better you drove.”  
“Not the first time I’ve heard that!” She laughed too and they scurried inside. It was going to be a long day.  
THAT night Lena and Cal bought a calzone from her mom’s favorite pizza shop, and Cal had to get some flowers too. They climbed the stoop to the front door of the little townhome that Lena grew up in, and Momma Senna Rossi was already opening the door.  
“Hey you two, get in here!”  
“Mom..."Lena hugged and kissed her spry little mother. ”How did you know we were here?”  
“Well, Cal told me you were coming!”  
Lena smiled and punched Cal in the arm. "It was supposed to be a surprise!!”  
“Oh well, you know how Cal is, he actually called me last night.”  
“Oh he did?” Lena looked at Cal viciously. “I'm so glad I’m in the loop now!”  
“Oh relax Lee, I was just calling to check on her!’ Cal hugged Lena to his side.”We didn’t talk about you. Much.”  
“Mmmhmm, yeah and what did Cal have to say Mom?” They all sat down at the kitchen table, Lena had set a six-pack of Diet Coke on the table. Senna laughed.  
“What, no beer? I’m kidding, I’m kidding. He just told me about the redhead at the gym-“  
“Dammit Cal!”  
“Don’t be mad at him, he just thinks you should break out of your shell,and I agree!”  
“Mom. Cal. Can we please eat in peace? It’s enough.” Lena was smiling but she actually was a little irritated. She thought by now she would be used to Cal and her mom discussing her business, but it always made her mad. Cal was supposed to be her friend and confidant- sometimes the last thing she needed was her mom getting involved.  
“Ok, no biggie. So how’s school?”  
“Great you know, big test coming up-“  
“You’ll do great I’m sure. Just try to get some rest, and tell Vincent to give you a break! How are you supposed to study?”  
Lena rolled her eyes and laughed, while Cal looked on sheepishly. Lena had no choice but to shake it off.  
The rest of the meal was pleasant, they laughed and Senna put the big daisies that Cal had picked out in water, and she seemed so happy and at ease. Lena did not want to ruin it by asking about her dad. She wanted to know how he was, and she knew she would end up asking anyway…  
So later, after coffee, Lena tried to be nonchalant.”Soo…Mom have you heard from Dad at all?”  
The room fell silent. Lena’s mom looked hard at her. “No. I have not.”  
“Would you tell me the truth, Mom?”  
“I am telling you the truth. It will be four years next week_”  
“Yes, on my birthday-“  
“And I don’t think we will hear from him anytime soon.”  
“Why do you say that Mom?’  
“Because you’d think by now…”  
“I know. I am sorry to ask Mom but…..I just have to know if he’s ok.”  
“I am sure he is, wherever he is. He can’t contact us, you know that.”  
“Yes. I know.”  
Cal immediately changed the subject with a story about his latest crush that was ignoring him-it was really hard to find any gays in his class, they were all raging gym rats with hot girlfriends. Lena thought of her dad and was lost in reverie…  
It was her 14 th birthday party. Everyone was invited, the whole family, the whole neighborhood, and half her school. One big street cook-out, bring your own meat.. Of course Lena knew it was more for the adults to get together and have a few drinks, but Cal was there, and her older brother David, and her best friend January from school. They were in the street, tossing a ball, playing something between hockey and soccer, when January’s dad called for Lena and January to come help him with some bags from the grocery store.”Help me bring these in!”  
The girls hauled the bags into January’s house. It was empty and quiet, and January’s dad, Becker, came stumbling in behind them, shutting the door. Lena had never felt comfortable around Becker, he wasn’t like the other kids’ dads, he always stared at her in a weird way that made her want to run. She went out of her way to avoid him at all costs. He and January lived six doors down, just the two of them, the mother had run off for some reason. Becker, a big man, played football in college and stood towering over Lena. ”Jan,”he called, “go downstairs and get that bag of charcoal.” January looked alarmed but the look on her dad’s face was bleary and mean. He broke out into a leering smile and looked over at Lena.”So you’re 14 today huh? Isn’t that great. Jan’s birthday is coming up too. Say, how come you two never had a sleepover over here? I let her sleep over at your house…” He broke off and staggered a bit. Lena could just see the door behind his bulk that wavered in front of her. All her senses were screaming for her to get out while she still could. “Well little girl, I thought maybe you may need a little talk today, you know about the birds and the bees? Your parents probably told you a little bit but, I think you could use a different perspective.” Suddenly this man she thought was staggering drunk had her by the arms and was carefully pressing himself against her, she started to cry and fight, but he shook her hard.”LISTEN. If you make any more noise I swear to God I will make you pay. And if you tell ANYONE what’s happened today I will kill your mother, and then your father. And you will be the loneliest little girl in the Burgh. You understand?”  
Lena nodded her head, big wet tears rolling down her face. How did this happen, so fast, and where was January? She never heard the door to the basement open. His greasy fingers were fumbling with her tank top. She started to whine in her throat, and he shook her harder this time. “I’m just takin a peek, alright?” She heard a noise right outside the kitchen window,and when he turned fast to see where it came from, Lena kneed him in the balls as hard as she could. Becker let go of her to grab his junk, cursing her. She burst out the front door, screaming. Cal was coming towards her with a bunch of grown-ups in tow, and her dad came running up the street with a crowbar. He looked wild-eyed and she could smell booze on him too. ”Lena are you alright? Tell me you’re ok!” People always told her she looked just like her daddy, only prettier. That day was the last day she got to see him. He pushed past the crowd that was gathering outside Becker’s stoop and screamed Becker’s name. Becker opened the door just as casual as could be, coolly observing the crowd gathered at his door.  
“Well what is going on?” he laughed.”The barbecue is ok, came back to get some more charcoal.”  
“Becker you motherfucker! Cal saw you grabbing my daughter! You have one chance to explain which is more than you deserve. “  
“We already know about you Beck, you’re the reason three different families have moved away,”piped up Cal’s dad Ted, his fighter's physique popping muscles and veins everywhere.  
Becker stood back and laughed, shaking his head. Some people from the crowd started to back away. They knew when Lena’s dad, Mike, got as calm as he was at that moment, he was more than dangerous. He was deadly.  
“So tell me, Beck. Why did you have Lena pinned to the sink?”  
“Are you tellin me you’re gonna believe Cal the Nance?”  
Cal’s dad, Ted, took two steps with one bound. “That’s my son you’re talkin' about, you bastard.”  
“Ohh like you don’t know your son is a fag-he came on to me one day—“  
Ted raised his balled fists to deliver some lightning strikes to Becker’s sneering face, but Mike stopped him. “No Ted, you’re a registered lethal weapon, you’ll go to jail for attempted murder. But I won’t.” And with that Mike landed the crowbar on Becker’s nose and mouth, blood instantly spraying everywhere. The crown dispersed, someone calling 911, someone getting the kids off the scene and away from the beatdown. But Lena could still see it, watch her dad drop the crowbar and beat Becker with his bare hands instead. She found out later that Cal and David had already said some things about Becker inviting them in and then trying something, thankfully they both got away. The parents thought the kids were making it up. What a mistake they made. In that moment the entire block came out and watched Becker get his ass kicked, everyone on that street knew what a piece of shit he was. Just before the cops came, little January came out the front door with a cinderblock from the basement wall in her hands. Ted was already pulling Mike off him, saying,”C’mon man you don’t want to kill him, you’ll go to jail.” January lifted the cinderblock high above her dad’s head. “No, no no no noo!!” called Mike and Ted, but it was too late. January dropped the big cinderblock down on her drunk and beaten father’s head, and the corner of it bashed in his temple. Mike and Ted looked at the little 13 year old girl. She was full of rage, tears streaming down her face. “I don’t care if I go to jail. I hope he’s dead.” She spat on his ruined head and stood stock still as the cops showed up. Mike and Ted were totally blown away. Lena, Cal and David had climbed the roof of Lena’s townhouse across the street and had witnessed the entire thing. No one could believe it, everyone was in total shock. Mike took the blame for Becker, he told the cops the truth except the part at the end- he couldn’t stand to see January go through something worse than what she already had. Lena and David cried and wished he had told the truth, because January went to hell anyway, foster home to foster home, no one ever heard from her again, and in turn Lena and David lost their father. Ted tried to help out, but it wasn’t long before Cal was missing a dad too. Lena and David were not allowed to see their dad, it drove them crazy. Senna was allowed to see her husband every now and then, but there was a big trial, and lots of witnesses...such a mess. After he was sentenced, he did a year in the pen and then was moved to a minimum security prison. He had three years left, when he was out on a highway somewhere cleaning up debris and decided to make a break for it. He hadn’t seen his kids in years, his letters and phone calls were becoming more and more desperate. Senna thought he just finally snapped. Of course now he couldn’t contact anyone at all. No one had heard a word in four years. The only thing that surfaced was a story and some photos from Colt. He travelled down to Mexico to scope out an up and coming fighter. He knew some Spanish and had brought his friend Juan with him, and they happened at a bar somewhere in Guanajuato. Colt couldn’t drink like Juan and ended up staggering back to the roach motel they were staying at, but the next day after Juan woke up all he was doing was bragging about how he drank some wanna- be Mexican with a New York accent under the table the night before. Juan showed him pictures he had taken with his camera phone, and Colt immediately began scouring the neighborhood for Mike. The pictures showed a scrawny man, tanned, but Colt knew who he was looking at, the eyes never lie. Colt ended up abandoning his search, he couldn’t get the locals to talk either-maybe they were hiding him, or maybe he was just passing through. Colt waited til he had Rita and Senna alone at different times to privately discuss it with them, and show them the pictures. Senna burst into tears-at least her husband was alive, for that knowledge she was overjoyed. Somehow later David found the pictures on his mother’s phone, and he made sure to show Lena and Cal before he deleted them. His mother was furious, but he told her, “You could be made an accessory Mom. I did it to protect you.” With all the drama and stress going on David felt bad about abandoning his sister, but he went off and joined the Marines anyway. It was something he wanted, needed to do. He made Cal promise to always always take care of Lena, and off he went. Lena still was recovering from the loss of her father, then David too? She clung to Cal more than ever. The neighborhood wasn’t the same anymore. She needed to get out of the townhouse she shared with her mom, there was so much space and emptiness for her she was smothered by it. Her Uncle Vinnie was in town opening a classy ‘gangster bar and grill’ as he called it, and needed her help. So already enrolled in school, she went to work, and got her own place. Her mom didn’t seem to notice that much, she and Rita spent a lot of time together anyway, it wasn’t like she was abandoning her mom.  
Lena shook her head. Cal and Senna were staring at her.  
“You know what guys, I really am tired. I need to go home, that test is tomorrow and my economics teacher is-“  
“A total bitch,” said Cal with finality. Senna smacked his shoulder playfully. “Sorry Miss R but he is, I hear about it from other people too.”  
“Yeah trust me, it’s not an easy class. But I am learning something, just hope it’s absorbing because tomorrow is going to make or break me.”Lena looked exhausted and Cal knew it wasn’t the test wearing her down.  
“You kids get out of here”, said Senna with a smile. “I really appreciate you coming by, haven’t had anything this good in a while. The daisies are beautiful. Thank you.”  
“That’s Cal, the suck-up!!” Lena laughed and embraced her mom. She felt smaller somehow tonight, maybe she needed to check up on her more often. When she pulled back, Senna’s eyes were shining with tears unshed. “Mom…”  
“Lee, you know if I heard anything I would tell you. It’s bad enough David can’t talk to us wherever he is, I would never deny you information on your daddy.” She turned and hugged Cal tightly. “At least we have this hunk here to watch over us!”  
Lena was sad and feeling guilty as they left Senna standing on the stoop waving goodbye. Cal was quiet and fidgeting in his seat, he was unnerved too. They had all been through so much.  
“Lee, what time you have to be at class?”  
“Not till 2, why?”  
“I need to get a workout in, join me tomorrow morning?”  
Lena smiled at him, she loved it when he was begging her with his big blue eyes like he was now. No way she could say no.


	3. Paths Cross

NOW she was sorry she had agreed. It was 8AM, and he was banging her door down- the meek and mild Cal was gone. Drill sergeant Cal was back. “Lena open the door!”  
She had overslept again, and she had forgotten to charge her phone. Dammit Cal! She whipped the door open and of course, he was dressed to impress in deep purple today. She had on boy shorts and a tank.  
“Get some fuckin' clothes on, we don’t have all day,” he harrumphed and pushed past her.  
“You know how rude you are? It’s so annoying,” she grumbled and slammed the door shut. She hustled around to get ready while Cal played her some new music he had downloaded onto his phone. She found some black spandex with pink running stripes, a tank and some shorts that went down almost to her knees, and it matched. “There, how’s that Mr.Blackwell?”  
“It’s fine, are you ready?” He was trying to sound pissy but his grin was a giveaway. “C’mon, maybe Ginger is working the desk again today.”  
“SHUT UP.” Lena almost yelled, but she cracked up instead.  
At the gym Ginger (a.k.a. Henry) wasn’t around, but Colt was. Lena and Cal were overjoyed to see him. Colt was all smiles but his eyes looked tired, like he hadn’t seen more than a few hours of sleep the whole week.  
“Uncle Colt this place is awesome, kudos on the new place!” Cal did the half-hug half-handshake thing, but Lena went in for the real deal.  
“Yeah this place is huge, I can’t get over it!” Lena kissed his cheek too.  
“Glad you guys are enjoying it, if it weren’t for Henry and the other guys I wouldn’t be able to pull it off, been so damn busy lately getting ready for Sparta 7. Never thought it would go that far, but I wouldn’t have been able to open this if it hadn’t been for the tourney.” He offered a tired smile.”Cal you gonna spar today or what? I won’t tell your mom.”  
Cal laughed. “Man I know she has spies, I swear the last time she knew. You sure you never said nothin’?”  
“No way! Kid if I could have I would have trained you. But…”  
“Yeah I know Unc, shit is rough. It’s alright, maybe sometime I could sneak in there….”  
“Yeah you should. Your dad had you pegged at 6 when you strapped on his gloves and kicked the shit out of that bully up your block, remember that?”  
They all laughed, and then things got real quiet when the front door swung open and in walked Tommy Conlon, his pale, drawn face obscured by his trademark black hoodie.  
Colt’s mouth became a tight line. “Hey, you’re late, you s’post to be here at 6.”  
“Yeah yeah.” He pushed the hood off and his dark hair was wet and pasted to his skull. Lena shook her head slightly and he fixed his eyes on her. She froze, her eyes locked with his. “I know you. You two lived around the way from me.”  
“Uhh..” Cal was at a loss for words. Surprise surprise. Suddenly Lena grew some balls, because she walked right up to him and said, “Yeah I don’t remember that, but I remember your poster on my brother’s wall. Newspaper cut-outs. He worshipped you. Wanted to be you.”  
Tommy eyes shifted down and away. She noticed he never stopped moving, he shifted on his legs, his hand wrapped around the gym bag he was holding. She got the feeling he was sorry he had addressed her. “And he joined the Marines because of you too.”  
His eyes shifted up to hers again and they narrowed.”I’m sure he’s regretting that now.” His voice was like gravel under her tires, his accent was home to her but his tone was cold.  
Lena was incensed, and she knew it was just about to all boil over.“If he saw you now he would be.” Tommy nodded, his lips curling up to a sneer.  
“Yeah?”  
Cal grabbed her shoulder, saying, “OK Unc, we gotta get in and get started, thanks for the invite-“ He pulled her away but she never stopped staring into those empty blue-gray eyes.  
“What the fuck?!?” Once inside, Cal snatched her bag away from her. His voice was hushed- if they hadn't been in a busy gym he would have yelled at her. “I can’t get you to bed Ginger but you go at that crackhead pitbull-style?”  
“Hell with you Cal, he needs someone to kick his ass,”she rasped and headed to the treadmills.  
“Yeah maybe, but not you,” he said loudly after her.  
Lena’s heart was pounding, her mind was a red light flashing emotions through her. She couldn’t understand how she could show such open hostility to a person she didn’t know, but it was too late. It was all she could do to calm down , but what did it matter now anyway, she was almost running on the treadmill and even Cal stopped and clocked her before he got on.  
“Damn bitch, maybe you should get pissed more often!”  
“ShutthefuckupCal,” she breathed. Some horrible acid jazz was playing today, she had to tune it out or go insane. She saw her brother David the day he left for boot camp, handsome, rugged, dark Italian/Romanian ladykiller David, barely 20 and “going to put a boot up someone’s ass” according to him. She saw her father building her go-kart she got for her 10th birthday, lean and young, drinking his PBR and smoking his Camels, telling her she would smoke all the boys in the neighborhood, he would make sure of it. All gone, all gone now. She was so angry that tears streamed down her face as she ran, no one could tell as it mixed with the sweat, no one was watching her. Except Cal. And he knew what was happening. He let her go, work through it, sweat it out. He was going to punish her legs, back and butt today, and she was going to hate him for it.  
Later they would laugh about it, but the initial shock was astounding. Lena was on some back machine, “The Torture Device”, as she put it, and Crackhead Tommy came past them as Cal counted and bossed her to “rep it out”. He glanced back at her, condescending and uncaring at the same time. Cal watched Lena turn pink, and she glared at him behind his back. She knew he could see her face in the mirrors so she looked at Cal and said, “Switch.” Cal nodded and pulled her off to another torture device. Lena looked back to see Tommy lifting freeweights, the plates stacked big. Despite his lean frame the muscles were still there, and she watched him from the corner of her eye. Suddenly Colt walked in and everyone took notice. But he didn’t waste time heading over to Tommy, where they spoke in low tones. Cal dragged her to the shoulder station and it was much closer to the two men, close enough that through the music she could hear Colt saying, “ you want me to help you you gotta show up on time-“ Tommy countered,”I don’t need your help I need your gym, if I needed help I got friends.” Colt shook his head. “Tommy you ain’t got no friends. Just me. And I can get you a fight but you got a long way to go. You know what you need to do, quit fuckin around.” Cal had stopped counting out loud, he was listening in too. “Yeah I know what to do,”Tommy huffed, lifting an ungodly amount of weight,”the fuck you think I’m doin’.” Colt’s face screwed up.”You’re gonna blow that shoulder if you don’t watch it.” Tommy rolled his eyes. He looked better with the ruddiness in his face, younger even. “Yeah mom thanks. I know what I’m doin’, you think I took up knitting in the brig? And I got some of that shit from your guy-“ Colt interrupted him, his voice raising.”Tommy you don’t need that shit, and that’s not my guy anyway. You get on that HGH you need a doc to watch it. Plus that guy on Highland, who knows where the fuck he gets half his shit. You got your own needles at least?” Oh, so that explains it, Lena thought. Tommy dropped his weights. “OK I’m done. You save your questions, I don’t need ‘em. I’m out.”  
Tommy stormed past them and headed for the hall. Colt watched him go and noticed Lena and Cal staring at him.  
“What? You guys can’t mind your business?” He stalked off too, towards the front. Cal looked humiliated, but Lena just shrugged.  
“Fuck it.” She stood up and stretched her arms. “That sauna better be fixed, I need it today. What’s next Dr.Death?”  
Cal smiled at her. “You know it’s great when you’re like this. “  
Later in the hall, Cal checked her progress on the new app he got on his phone.”You know Lena, I could get you to compete next year if you let me.”  
Lena looked incredulous.”Compete? Are you crazy? For what?”  
“IFBB!”  
She laughed hysterically.”I am not, repeat NOT going to go along with that. Why the hell would you want me to look like those chicks, I could grow a dick with all the muscles I put on-“  
“Stop it. No you wouldn’t, you have the build for the bikini competition.”  
“UGH stuff it Cal, I’m going to get in that damn sauna.” She started heading towards the door to the ladies lockers and showers.”Meet you there.”  
Cal sighed.”Yeah OK you’re welcome, anytime.”  
She had stripped down and rinsed off in the shower, Cal told her to use warm water to speed up perspiration. She wrapped herself in towels so there was barely anything showing and headed in. Colt had split the sauna up, left side for men, right side for women, and the large midsection was unisex. Lena opened the middle door and was blasted by heat and wet steam. “Cal?” she called, but there was no answer. She could barely see the wooden benches but she found a spot to sit and let her eyes adjust. Her contact lenses felt like they were curling up. She looked around and could see a few figures in the darkened room with her but no Cal. She leaned against the warm wooden wall, it looked like a log cabin inside-sweat lodge, she thought. She pulled the towel off her head and rubbed her face with it, when she became aware of a person next to her, closer than she realized, clear his throat and shift around. She looked out the corner of her left eye, and lo and behold it was her buddy Tommy, wrapped in a towel that looked too small even for him. She could see his tats glinting with sweat in the dim light, his messy dark hair pushed back off his forehead. His eyes were boring holes into her. She turned her head and looked back at him. The corner of his mouth turned up. She noticed how full his lips were, his nose way too straight for a fighter.  
“Oh. Thought you left.” She sounded snarky. Oops.  
“You see everything huh?”he half-smiled.”Don’t tell me you weren’t eavesdropping either. I saw you too.” He didn’t sound very snarky. Hmm.  
“I tried not to,”she admitted,”what was I going to do, leave? You’re in a public place.”  
“Yeah, exactly. I don’t need my business gettin’ spread around so I’d appreciate it if you forgot everything you mighta heard.”  
“Oh, you don’t have to worry about me,”she said sarcastically,” I don’t even know what you’re talking about.” She started to get up when the door opened again, and through the bright light she could see it was Cal. He plopped down beside her in his towel, the golden hairs all over his beach body glinting like sugar sparkles.  
“Hey were you leaving?” Cal yanked her back down to her seat and one of her towels fell away, exposing her shoulders.”Oh hey, sorry. Leave it off, it’s supposed to go over your head anyway.” Lena noticed Tommy sat back against the wall so he became obscured by steam and the dim light. “I got a call from PCC, they may have found me a placement!”  
“What, already? Cal you’re not going to be finished until December!”  
“Duh, I know Leelee, it’s at that gym downtown, you know-“  
“The Hellfire Gym?”Lena asked playfully.  
“Oh shut up, yeah they have my kind of clientele, I think it’s fucking great! I can work and maybe find a friend, you know-“  
For the first time Lena saw Cal blush. “Oh my God, you’re really going to do it? Then what, you’re going to drag me off there to work out-“  
“Well, Leelee you can’t break out of your shell to find a man, maybe you need Jan!”  
“Whaaaat?” Lena was forgetting Tommy was there, listening, watching. Later she could not believe she did. “I told you Cal, I don’t need a man. And I don’t need a woman either. Thanks for the offer but you just switched me up here I don’t need another one.”  
“Switch bitch,”and Cal laughed. He was acting like he had drank a glass of wine. “I think you’re gonna need to get out of here anyway, you’re trying to make enemies with that crackhead Tom-“ Lena elbowed him in the ribs but it was too late. The man hiding in the shadows near her stood up suddenly and she held her breath as he paused, then the door to the sauna swung open with a loud BANG! And Tommy stalked out.  
“Ohhhh shit.” Cal looked at her. “I thought he left!”  
“I did too, he surprised me when I came in looking for you.” Lena shook her head.”Looks like you may have made an enemy now too.” She smiled at him but Cal didn’t look like he felt up to joking around.  
“He may not have suspected I was talking about him.” He sounded like he was trying to reassure himself.  
“You’re not scared are you?” Lena couldn’t believe it. Cal knew how to box, how to wrestle, his dad spared him no lesson untaught-Brazilian jiu-jitsu, Muay Thai, a little of everything.  
“No. A little. Oh well if he knocked me out it would be over quick, you’ve seen him fight.”  
“Nah, Cal, I have faith in you. Your daddy taught you well.” She patted his arm. More like a wet smack.”Let’s get out of here, I need to eat before the damn test.”

All through class, all through her test, damn Tommy would walk through her mind. She cursed him. ‘Not going to fuck everything up,’ she thought.’A+ today.’  
At work. It was 9:30, Vince was entertaining some people from Italy at the bar. Lena was pouring the grappa, she had thrown away two empty bottles already. Vince was red-faced, laughing as he said something vaguely obscene in Italian-she knew a little to know he was being obnoxious and so were his guests, two young handsome men and one thin, beautiful older lady. They were having a great time, but Lena was green from the expensive European cigarettes they all kept smoking. She had to have a toast with them, and she felt woozy on her heels. Her workout and light lunch didn’t help. She leaned back against the bar and Vince looked alarmed-she was trying to stand up straight but she felt sick. He could see her turning green. He excused himself and went around the bar to usher her to the back kitchen.  
“Kid, you alright?”  
“Eh, Uncle V I don’t know, that grappa kicked like jet fuel…” He held her hair as she emptied her guts in the back bathroom. “Oh God I’m sorry..”  
“No it’s alright Lena. Butch!” he called out to the kitchen.  
“Yeah boss?” A large round man appeared, adn sizing up the scene immediately was concerned. ”Oh shit she awright?”  
“No Butch, get me a cold rag and a seltzer.”  
“I’ll be ok, honest,” she said and leaned against the wall. Vince let her go. She looked awful. “I’m okay now Uncle V.”  
“Damn Lena, what happened? Was it the booze?”  
“I don’t know, I guess. Sorry." She smiled sheepishly.” Go back to your guests, you gotta have Karina man the bar until I feel better.”  
“Naw kid, you’re done. Why don’t you get out of here, I mean when you feel ok. Can you drive? Butch can take you home-“  
“No,” she interrupted him, “I can drive. But I really can stay, I can start closing the lobby down Uncle.”Butch handed Vince the rag and glass of club soda.  
“Here kid, “ said Vince, passing it all to her.”No you g’head. Karina and Sammy can close the bar and the lobby. You come in in the morning and help me with the deposit? I’m probably going to be too, y’know, to count down and stuff.”  
Lena raised her eybrows.”You gonna be able to drive Uncle V?” She thought of the way the Italian lady was looking at him all night.  
He winked at her. “Ohh that's my old flame, Lee. We gotta lose her sons, we got lots of catchin up to do.” He smiled and stood up.”Awright kid, see ya in the morning. Feel better.”  
Vince was gone, and Butch checked in on her. “Hey get the fuck outta my battroom Lena, I don’t like puke on my seat.” He laughed and Lena threw the wet rag at his head.  
“Shaddap Butch, you jerk!” She smoothed out her skirt, rinsed her mouth and cleared out of the kitchen to the office; grabbing her purse and coat she was out the door. She still felt queasy, so she went to the nearest gas station to get some 7up and crackers. 16th and Park was a crappy place to be at ten o’clock at night but her options were pretty limited. Her heels clicked sharply on the dull yellow linoleum of the local Stop N’ Rob-she was out of place and in a hurry. She opened the cooler with all the pretty green bottles of 7up, and when it closed she saw a figure behind her, waiting, looking over her shoulder. She turned into Tommy’s view. She sighed. Black hoodie, toothpick, black jeans, big tan workboots. He smiled crookedly at her.  
“Are you kidding me?”she said, too tired to be pissed.  
“I can’t get away from you.” He shrugged.”You following me?”

“Wha- you wish, man.” She pushed past him-he was solid, and smelled…like some expensive cologne she recognized. She shook her head as she neared the register. Tommy walked up with a 22oz of Mickeys behind her. As she paid he slammed it on the counter almost too hard. “You’re mean huh? Bad chick.”  
She spun on her heel and glared at him. “What do you want? Huh?”  
He put his hands up in a defensive display. ”To pay for my beer. Really.” But his cocky smile said something else.  
She grabbed her stuff and hustled out, all long hair and high heels. She could hear the clerk saying something like,”Damn Tommy you know her?” and Tommy’s response was, ”Nope. Just some chick who goes to Colt’s. Don’t know her.”  
She was expecting something worse, something with the word ‘bitch’. She didn’t really care, she just wanted to get home. As she was opening her car door, she heard Tommy’s gravelly voice calling,”Hey, hey!” Oh shit, now what? She turned around with her car door open and one leg already in. “I’m sorry, c’mon we got off on the wrong foot.” He was smiling under the hoodie, black watchcap on too.  
Big sigh. She was feeling woozy again. “What is it?”  
“Hey can you gimme a ride home?”  
She looked incredulous.”Are you serious? I don’t know you, don’t know where you live-“  
“Not far from here.” He opened his beer and took a long pull.”It’s ok, I don’t blame you.” He started walking off, and Lena thought of David, thought of the story she could tell him when he finally did call. "I gave Tommy Conlon a ride home." God he would freak.  
“Tommy,” she said, and he stopped short.”C’mon, get in.” He turned and gave her a crooked-toothed smile.  
“Yeah?”  
“Let’s go, I don’t feel too good.” She slid the rest of the way in her car and unlocked the passenger door. He got in and looked everywhere but at her. She sat and looked at him, stared really, until he looked at her.  
“What?” He looked kind of steely-eyed again, like he wasn’t sure of what she was going to say.  
“I’m only doin’ this for my brother David.” Tommy nodded but didn’t look at her.”And I’m only doin’ it if you give me your autograph.” Tommy looked at her like she slapped him.  
“Huh? What, for your brother?”  
“Yeah, not for me!” Her stomach rumbled.She didn’t feel good and it must've showed. He looked wide-eyed at her.  
“Maybe I should just walk,”he said, turning and going for the door.  
“No, you’re not going anywhere,”she said and handed him her receipt. “Sign this and I’ll take you home.” Tommy took the receipt from her, and she handed him a pen.  
“You said he’s a jarhead right?”He started scribbling.  
“Huh?”  
“A Marine?”He looked at up her and cocked his head a little.  
“Yeah, yes.” She leaned her head against the steering wheel. He scribbled some more on the receipt, then folded it up and handed it back to her. She stuffed it in her pocket and started the car. “Thank you.”  
“Sure.” He looked at her from the corner of his eyes as she backed out. “Take a right out the lot.”  
She did, and looked him over. “Seatbelt? And please don’t drink in my car.”  
He capped his beer and sighed, pulling the seatbelt over his torso. “Two lights and turn left.”  
The toothpick was back in his mouth, and he was fidgeting, looking out the window-his left leg was shaking, like a nervous habit. What was his deal? She could smell him in the car now and it was a great improvement from the first time she encountered him at the gym. She took a deep breath and sighed. He looked over at her.  
“You alright?”  
She came to a stoplight, and she turned her head to look at him.”No, not really. But I’ll survive. Are you alright?”  
He stared at her.”Yeah, I know you heard Colt. I don’t do no drugs. Your little friend is wrong about me. I heard him in the sauna today.” He fiddled with the toothpick and looked out the window. He was still the man whose poster had once graced her brother’s door, in just handwraps and black shorts... she had to look at Tommy Conlon every day for a few years, til David went away. He was studly then. Still good-looking now, but his eyes were either steel doors or empty rooms. And his behavior, like he was uncomfortable in his own skin. Almost jumpy. Made her jumpy.  
“I’m sorry-“  
He cut her off, in a low menacing tone.”What, sorry he said it, or sorry I heard it?”  
She blanched. His personality was borderline bi-polar. “Both I guess,”she said softly. “Look Tommy, I don’t know what happened or what’s going on now, it’s not my business. Just...thanks for the autograph, my brother is going to go nuts.”  
Tommy just sat there, nodding his head and looking out the window. He was quiet and it was clear he had shut down. It was quiet in the car and she was trying not to feel uncomfortable.  
“Turn right at the next light,” was all he said.  
When she did she realized they were headed the back way into her old neighborhood, where her mom still lived, where Cal’s mom lived. Tommy wasn’t kidding when he said they lived around the way from each other.  
“OK turn right here on Orchard-“  
“I know where we are now. Orchard?”  
Tommy stared at her.”Yeah. I told you I knew you.”  
Lena shook her head.”OK that’s what you say, Tommy, but the only place I remember you is from my brother and his MMA obsession.”  
“Well, you had a lot goin’ on your block all the time.” He looked at her, toothpick cocked in a quirked-up corner of his mouth.”Yeah I read the papers…heard stories. Hell, Pop remembers it all. Somehow.” He scoffed, then leaned in towards her.”You know if I had been around, none of that shit would have been goin’ on.”  
Lena raised her brow. “Oh yeah? Big bad Tommy Conlon gonna get all the baddies? Well….you’re a little late. Please don’t flatter yourself thinking you would have made that big a difference. Things go on in people’s houses and most times, nobody knows about it til it’s too late and all the damage has already been done. You heard about stuff, good for you. You didn’t have to live it.”  
Tommy had backed up in his seat to look at her in almost mock-surprise. “Who do you think you’re talkin' to, some kid who doesn’t know what the fuck is goin’ on? Little girl you don’t know the half of what I been through, don’t lecture me about shit you don’t know nothin' about.” His voice never went above am icy cold raspy growl. Menacing. “Stop the car. Maybe sometime when you’re done kickin' the shit out of me you can pick up a fuckin' hobby.” He got out of the car and started walking. Tears sprang to Lena’s eyes. She started rolling slowly behind him while he guzzled his beer. She rolled the passenger side window down. Why the hell are you bothering? she asked herself. Normally she’d have just driven away.

“Tommy,” she called, but her voice cracked.”Tommy!” she tried again and it was louder than she wanted. He never stopped walking and waved his hand out to her dismissively. Now she knew that was his polite way of giving the finger. She kept rolling and calling his name, when he pointed to the street and said, “Truck.”. She looked up and there was a black Hummer looming in front of her. Her brakes screeched and her tires squealed. She had a scream in her throat. She held on to the wheel, trying to catch her breath, when Tommy appeared at her window, making her stifle a scream again. He made the ‘roll your window down’ gesture, so she put the car in park and obliged him.

“Hey. It’s late. You can’t do this shit to me, we ain’t 16 here. I don’t need this kind of attention.” He still looked pissed, but just a trace of a smile? Or he was going to growl and bare his teeth...  
“So beat it. Right? Is what you’re telling me?” Now she smiled. “Hey c’mon. I’m a bitch, I’m sorry. Get back in the car I’ll buy you a real drink.”  
He smiled his toothy smile at her and she almost giggled. He was cute. And dangerous. He wasted no time in getting back in the car. She had to back up a little so she wouldn’t smash the Hummer in front of her, and she sped off. He gripped the dash, stealing a look at her from under his hood.  
“ I didn’t really think you would get back in the car,” she said matter-of-factly.  
“What can I say, you had me at buyin' a drink.” He held on to the door as she whipped onto a busy avenue.” Didn’t you say you didn’t feel good?”  
“Naw, I’m actually feelin’ a little better now…”  
“Maybe it was your drivin made you sick, you weren’t doing this earlier!” He was smiling but his eyes looked alarmed.  
“Shit!” she said, and made a hard left. They were somehow parallel parked next to a brick building that had a big neon green four leaf clover in front, but no name.  
“Oh no.” He pulled a face, and sighed.  
“What’s the matter Tommy?” She started to smile. “You know this joint?”  
He scoffed.”I’m from around here, remember?” He was crouching low in his seat, being weird and avoidant, almost like he wasn’t going to get out of the car.She just stared at him. He looked at her from the corner of his eye.”What, can’t we go somewhere else?”  
“Why, what’s wrong with Killian’s?” She really wanted to know what made him so wiggy.  
“Got an ex-girlfriend here, that’s what’s wrong.”  
“Ohhh…” Tommy looked at her and she was grinning at him.  
“Look I can fuckin' walk my way home.” He fixed her with his steely gaze. “Quit lookin' at me like that. Your choice, it’s no skin off my teeth to walk.”  
“Do you always have to threaten to leave to get your way?”she asked. She had already started the car and was pulling away. He hissed something under his breath, and shook his head.  
“Turn left over here….here, I said here. Just go straight til you hit that parking lot over there.” She noticed they were now coasting down a dimly lit alleyway.  
“Seriously?” She looked over at him. He looked at her half-cocked and grinned wolfishly. “This is where I die for all my shitty comments I made to you?”  
“Wow you have a really terrible opinion of me, huh?” He shook his head. “I really wish you knew me better, Lena.”  
She froze. It dawned on her he had never said her name before. She wasn't even sure how he knew it.  
“Hey pull in here,” he said, and she looked at the wide parking lot they pulled into.  
“Where are we?”  
“Shit, we’re at the backlot of the VFW.” He smiled at her. He looked like a little boy when he did that.”We can get in through the back door. I know a guy.”  
She shook her head slowly at him, looking perplexed. “The VFW…?”  
“Yeah, that cool with you?” He stared at her almost too hard.  
“Yeah, sure.” She shut the car off and they got out of the car. As they walked together she glanced at him furtively. He kept his head down so she couldn’t see him doing the same thing. The VFW was a totally unmarked building in back with a sole beat up metal door.”Couldn’t we have gone in the front door?”  
Nah,”he said, banging on the metal door,”it’s no fun that way.” He grinned at her. The door swung outwards and she had to step back suddenly, losing her footing. Tommy grabbed her by the arm and swung her towards him, and she half-landed against his chest. She looked up into his eyes and saw them change, soften just a little for the first time. Every time he smiled it never touched his eyes, the wall was always up. She saw something move there, in his shifty eyes that locked on hers now. “Careful now,” he breathed, and he pulled her up. She looked at his lips, and his eyes. “We wouldn’t want you to get hurt.”  
She stood up straight and her breasts grazed his chest.”We?”  
“Get your asses in here, I’m freezin’!” A big burly guy stood in the doorway.”Tommy what’s up man.”  
“Hey J, how are ya?”Tommy gave the guy a handshake, and the walked in a dim smoky room, not too many people in the booths, but the bar was packed.  
“Who’s your girl, she got a name?”  
“Lena Rossi,” she put her hand out to shake, and J shook it.”Nice to meet you.”  
He raised his eyebrows at Tommy.”Well right on, go in and grab a drink, it’s half price wells tonight.”  
Tommy took off his hoodie, and she watched his shirt ride up over his ribs. He caught her looking. “Not for long.”  
She cocked her head back.”Huh?” She pulled her jacket off and he was watching her now. He pulled his hat off, adjusted his jeans. White tee, tattoos showing out both sleeves. Toothpick was back.  
“I mean I won’t be skinny like this for long. Booth OK?”  
She sat down in the booth, crossing her legs over the side of the seat. Her feet were killing her, her tummy still wasn’t right. But she watched him mess with his hair and rub his stomach to smooth his shirt down as he checked out the bar, and she realized she didn’t want to be anywhere else. Sexy? Yes. Nervous, like a little boy? Yes. Oh my God Cal was going to flip out!!

“So uh, what you drinkin’?”  
“7up.” She grinned at him. He looked at her without blinking. She felt the weight of his gaze and it unnerved her.  
“Try again.”  
“Rum and coke," she said finally. His nod was almost imperceptible as he turned toward the bar. She watched him walk, like he was bowl-legged? Or he was hood. Whatever. He came back with a glass for her and a draw of beer for himself. He sighed when he sat down, sliding the wet overfilled glass towards her.  
“Here ya go.”  
“Thanks.” She took a sip, oh was it strong. “Mmhmm! “ He smirked at her knowingly.”Yeah, so, why this place?”  
“I dunno…guess it’s quiet. Not usually busy. There’s an unspoken code. And I’m lucky to be accepted here….”he looked down into his beer and took a big swallow.  
“Why?” She played with the stir stick in her drink, trying to catch his eyes. He looked at her briefly, looked away. She looked at his jawline, his lips, the shape of his face. Something flickered across, a dark shadow.

“Hmm. Well...it’s a long story, and I don’t know if I’m ready to share with you.” He looked up at her, narrowed his eyes at her. Crazy how his eyes looked so dark at times. ”I don’t know how you don’t know.”  
“I think I do. Just…trying to get you to talk.”  
“I don’t feel like talking about that.” He poked his head up, checking out the bar.  
“Are you expecting to see someone?” She was kinda getting annoyed.  
“Yeah,”he said, turning to look her dead in the eye.”My pop.”  
She recoiled from his glare. “Oh.”  
He nodded. “Hmph.”  
His beer was gone. She wasn’t even halfway through her glass.”Let me get you another…”She stood up and wavered on her heels for just a moment.  
“Ahh no, you sit, I’ll get it.” He gently put his hand on her shoulder. When he came back up to the table he had another drink for her.  
“Ugh Tommy, I don’t know if I can..”  
“Ah, ya fuckin' slowpoke.” He sat next to her this time, which surprised her. She scooted over and looked at him full in the face. He didn’t look that much older than her…”You alright Lena?” Genuine concern in his eyes.  
“Yeah, hey listen Tommy, I‘m really sorry. I made a lot of judgments that were wrong….I-“  
He put his hand up,”Don’t. Just...save it. I don’t care what you think, or your friend thinks…or what anyone thinks for that matter.” He shrugged and shook his head.  
She didn’t know how to take that. “You don’t?”  
He was still shaking his head when he locked eyes with her again. “No. I know the truth that I live with. I know who I am, what I do. Not for anyone else to know about me.” She opened her mouth to say something, but he stopped her again. “I’m using HGH to build up fast. I saw you that night when I was on the corner talking to my friend. I know what you and your friend were sayin’ later. It doesn’t matter cuz I would never touch any of that other shit even if I had a gun to my head.” She looked back at him, in his eyes that swam suddenly.”And I had to do some time, had to pay my dues. But I ain’t backin' down, I ain’t stoppin'….I will be fighting again, can’t do anything else.” He slammed the rest of his beer. “Why am I tellin’ you anything anyway.” He shook his head, looking disgusted, got up and headed to the bar.  
Suddenly she felt like she should leave. She realized he had managed to make her nervous and she had slammed her drinks. Fffffuccckk, she thought, and put her head in her hands. He wasn’t coming back, she wondered if he was going to. His jacket, hat and hoodie were still in the booth across from her. She waited a while, when she heard a loud voice, raspy and unintelligible through the Lynyrd Skynyrd on the jukebox. There was a commotion, and then she saw Tommy dragging someone towards the booth from .  
“Lena, we gotta go, can you help me get my Pop home?”  
It was Paddy, she recognized him. He was the man Rita, Cal’s mom, was talking to after Ted died, the guy at the gym who worked with Colt to get money together for Rita and Cal. How the hell had she never made the connection before? Maybe because she didn’t go up there a lot back then, not like David did.  
“The bill-“  
“Never mind that, I got it.” Tommy continued to drag Paddy out, towards the back door. J was already there waiting with the door propped open.”Thanks for comin in, see you later Tommy.”  
“Yeah…” Tommy was dragging the man in a stupor to her little red hatchback. How the hell was she going to pull this off? She got the door open for Tommy on his side and he poured his father in the backseat. She handed him his hoodie and jacket. He didn’t make eye contact with her. “Thanks. “  
“Sure,”she said, and started to walk around to the other side of the car. Suddenly he grabbed her arm, not hard but strong enough to pull her to him, and in an instant he had his lips pressed to hers. Her eyes popped open in shock. His were half open and fixed on hers. But she didn’t let go, or push away. His lips were soft on hers. Strange time for a romantic moment, she thought, but the rum was burning in her veins and his chest was pressing against hers a little more at a time, trapping her breasts between their bodies and making her struggle to breathe. His mouth never opened up, just his warm moist lips pressed against hers, and she realized he was holding her in one arm, close to him like a hug. Intimate and sweet. Who was this guy?  
Lena pulled back and looked at him. He never lost eye contact with her, and she couldn’t read what was going on there. Empty rooms with cold gray walls looked back at her. He sucked at his lips for a moment, and she imagined they must taste a little like rum now.  
“Yeeaah I’m not too good at this sorta thing,” he rasped at her. She reached for his hand, the one that had hugged her to him, and he pulled back.”I’m sorry.”  
“Tommy, I-“ and she heard a horrible moaning sound coming from the hatchback.  
“This is real bad Lena, I gotta get him home.” He hadn’t moved, just was frozen and staring at her. She shrugged and turned around to head for the driver’s side of the car and wavered, having to clutch the side of Tommy’s door for support. “Gimme the keys, I’m driving.” He held his hand out to her, the one she wanted back on her body somewhere. She shook her head, trying to clear it, and turned her keys over.  
“Tommy……Tommmy wheredafuckamIgoddammit!”  
Paddy was so wasted, it made her sad. Her eyes burned. God she was one big raw nerve lately. She looked out the window as Tommy drove, he drove a hell of a lot better than she did, that was sure.  
“We’re almost home Pop, hang in there.” Tommy sounded a lot more patient than she could ever expect. Tommy pulled up to a small brownstone townhouse, much like the one a few blocks over that she had grown up in. He shut the car off and looked at her.”OK, can you help me, just hold the door open?”  
She nodded. “Yeah, of course.”  
They got out, and instead of Lena tripping over on her heels she took them off and chucked them on the floorboard. Tommy looked at her quizzically, but was too busy hauling Paddy out of her backseat. The man was ruined. How sad. The tears burned again in her eyes. Tommy noticed though she didn’t think he had, but he handed her the keys wordlessly. She tiptoed up the cold cement steps to the front screen, held that open with her foot and found the right key for the doorbolt. Tommy held onto Paddy as he thrashed a little against Tommy’s chest.

“Lemme go you think I don’t know I’m at my own goddamn house….I said leggo!!”  
“Alright Pop alright, calm down.”Tommy’s voice was soft and kind. It hurt her somewhere to hear it. “Cmon, let’s get you in bed.” Tommy struggled to get him through the threshold and Lena fumbled for a light switch on the wall. A lamp came on in a tiny living room, modest and cozy, lots and lots of pictures and newspaper cutouts hung on the pale tan walls. Tommy half-carried, half-dragged the alternately snoring and cussing man through a darkened doorway past a staircase, where she heard racket- it sounded like he tripped. Lena rushed over and flipped on a light. Paddy moaned and covered his eyes in protest. A tiny bedroom, made bed, sparse furniture. Tommy was almost pinned underneath Paddy, and his desperate storm-grey eyes blinked at her.  
“Little help here please?”  
Lena tried to lift the drunken man and barely got him up enough to free Tommy, who promptly took over and pitched his father into bed, quickly setting about removing his shoes and pulling a blanket over him. ”Shut off the light,”he whispered, and Lena did as she was told. She was temporarily blinded, but Tommy grabbed her hand and led her out to the living room. He looked at her in the living room lamplight and smiled bitterly. “I am sorry Lena. It turned into a rough night-“  
“No it didn’t,” she whispered and with both hands on his arms to brace herself she pressed her lips to his. He reached up and cupped her face in his hands, and she peered at him through her eyelashes,watching his expression as he gingerly slid his tongue against her parted lips. He looked…relieved? Her heart surged, her legs wobbled. His body was rock hard against hers, his touch was soft. Not what she was expecting. She ran her hands up his arms, slowly up his broad shoulders, his neck, still thick even though he was so lean. She traced his stubbled jawline to his cheeks, and she stroked upwards til her fingers found his thick hair that she buried them into.Tommy was stock still, feeling like he was trembling under her gentle touch. He was trying to hold back his deperation, but gave in instead- he wrapped her up in his arms and crushed her gently to his body, his hands winding down her back and stopping just short of grabbing her ass. He pushed her mouth open with his, he tasted of cinnamon toothpicks and light beer, and she slipped her tongue into his mouth for more. He sighed against her and she rubbed upwards against him, wanting more. He broke from their kiss.  
“Lena…you should go home..” His voice was thick with need, his throat tight. She touched his face, traced his eyebrows. He closed his eyes and his long eyelashes fluttered against her palms, he opened his mouth and gnawed on her hand. His hands were running up under her shirt, thick fingers sliding against her warm skin, and she shivered against him. He smiled then, his eyes crinkling at her. By God, she thought, that is real. “Go home, I‘m just gonna fuck things up for you, fuck up your life.”  
He rubbed his forehead against hers. “You’re a nice girl. You don’t need me and….this." He gestured behind him towards Paddy's bedroom. She saw then his hand had a scar, and the pinky stayed bent though the other fingers moved. She grabbed his hand and stretched out his fingers- thick hand, wide palm, rough against hers. His pinky was crooked and a small scar ran nearby it. She took it to her hand and kissed the scar, rubbing her lips against the damaged digit. “Yeah I fucked up my hand real bad in a fight.” His voice was a raspy whisper. "Prob'ly needed surgery, but…” His full wet lips opened in a soundless gasp as she pushed on it with her tongue, swirled her tongue around it and sucked the whole thing into her mouth, her dark intense eyes locked with his seastorm hooded gaze. He pressed his hips against her, and she could feel his need shoving against her belly. Her panties felt so wet, and she was throbbing in the hot center of her body, it felt like burning hot slow-moving lava was turning over and over in her pelvis. He took his hand away and replaced it with his tongue, he didn’t hold back as he pressed his mouth to hers and searched deep inside, making a growling noise deep in his throat; he was cradling the back of her head and standing over her now, rubbing against her with everything he could use. She felt overwhelmed suddenly, she had asked for it and here it was now, he was inflamed and passionate where before he had been careful and gentle. “Lena I want you…will you stay with me tonight..” His eyes searched hers, it was more a demand than a question. Lena reached back behind her and locked the front door. Tommy needed no further instruction and scooped her up in his arms, kissing her neck, her cheek, his mouth hot and hungry on her skin and his lips leaving behind a trail of fire wherever they touched. She could not wait to open herself to him, she couldn’t wait to feel his skin against hers. He had carried her up a narrow staircase to an attic bedroom. He had since replaced the two twin beds that had been there since his childhood. Now a large bed took up most of the little room, and he set her down on it, a dim lamp the only illumination. She stared as he pulled his shirt off, and the tank underneath went as well. She bit her bottom lip, sliding out of her skirt, gazing at his tats, his chest, still wide and defined, his hard stomach, sparse hair meeting at his belly button and travelling down to his bulging zipper. He unbuttoned his jeans and undid the zipper, and then reached down to start working on her button-down shirt . Her feet pushed at his jeans and her toes grasped them and worked them down as she stared into his eyes, his fingers popping the buttons free on her shirt. His boxer briefs stretched tight over his cock, her attempts to free it were stymied. He pulled her shirt off and she unsnapped her bra, her breasts were free and he looked at them, wetting his lips. “Tommy come here to me,” she breathed and he did not hesitate. He came down on his knees and she opened her legs to catch him, he fell in between and she savored the moment of his warm broad chest flattening her breasts, his hard cock grinding against her groin. He could feel how wet she was through the fabric and he groaned low in his throat, feasting on her jaw and neck while she tore her panties off and helped him finally get free of any clothing.

“Tommy,Tommy,” she moaned, and at last his bare hips rocked against hers, the hard knob of his cock was pushing and searching for the place it wanted to go as he crushed her beneath him, his weight bearing down on her , his perspiring skin rubbing against hers. The coarse hair of his body tantalized her skin, his hot scent of sweat and racing blood and cologne filled her nose as he chewed her collarbone, his hands molding her breasts gently then cupping them roughly so he could pop her nipple in his mouth, one by one, his lips enveloping and sucking what she felt like was her entire body as it vibrated against him. Her knees drew up against his sides, and he was going to explode if he didn’t get inside her. “Ahhh..Tommy!”she cried out softly and ran her nails up his back almost too hard. He growled at her, his eyes dark fire- “Now, Lena,” and she gasped as he drove into her, his eyes burning into hers, his mouth open against hers to catch her cry, her eyes squeezing shut as he pushed harder against her and deeper in, not pulling out but trying to fit all the way in. She was slick and hot around him, tight like a fist, he was going to come all too soon if he didn’t get a grip. He lowered his head,exhaling slowly, pressing his forehead to her jaw as he stilled, as deep inside her as he could go. He was so big inside her, it was a wild full feeling, she wanted to almost fight against him for some of herself back, she wanted to scream with the intensity of it. He opened his mouth wide and took most of her throat in it as he curved his back to begin a rhythm inside her that took her breath away. She stiffened beneath him,it was already happening, he was so thick it almost hurt. She was hot and cold and hot and cold and when she opened her eyes Tommy was fucking her, she looked at his eyes his lips his neck his muscles flexing and sweat running down from his messy dark hair onto her, his tats writhing as his body fluidly worked hers into the mattress and she exploded, her belly tight and then bursting with hot waves of pleasure. Her back arched and he had to hold on, and her body was a waterfall, he felt it against his thighs, his belly. She grabbed a pillow and screamed and cried into it as she totally lost control. He couldn’t believe how wet she was. She cried his name into the pillow, and he accelerated, his hips pounding hers with a wet smacking sound. He gasped as he felt it like a freight train heading for him, he had her almost curled in a ball beneath him as he savagely pumped her body. She had let go of the pillow and was reaching out for his face, his beautiful face wet and ruddy like it was in the gym, but his eyes conveyed something different now, pure carnal pleasure. He kissed her hands, sucked and bit at her fingers. He was grunting and making these sexy noises she couldn’t explain to Cal later that made her feel the banding pressure under her ribs, in her belly; he was drilling her and moving around in circles at the same time as he cried softly in a hushed raspy whisper. She exploded again, her fingertips and nipples and clit felt electrocuted as it shocked through her again and again in wild waves that left her bucking against him. “I-can’t hold it Lena ahh I can’t !!” he almost yelled and pulled out of her quickly, she watched him pump seed all over her belly, his face a blind mask of ecstasy. His head fell back and he fought to catch his breath. Her pussy felt raw and hot, wet and sore. She smiled, reaching for the first thing she could to clean up-his tank. Oh well, sorry Tommy, she thought and rubbed at the wet mess he left everywhere. When she looked up he was looking down at her, a strange expression on his face. She held her arms out to him and he lowered down to slowly meld into her, wet and hot himself. He tugged at the blankets and freed them somewhat, and wrapped their sweating bodies up in them, kissing her face, ending up on her lips to kiss her mouth over and over. So tender. So not like the guy she thought he was. Tommy was nuzzling her neck, and whispered in her ear,”I want to give you more.” She shivered under him and felt his smile break out against her neck as he nuzzled some more. “I"m ready when you are,” she countered, and at that they knew where they stood, for now at least. Tommy rose up on his elbows to look at her. She was somewhere between cute and beautiful, small rounded nose, high cheekbones, full lips, fine features. She would tell him later it was another European influence in her DNA somewhere. He didn’t care, he just looked at her, noticing everything, wanting to burn this moment into his memory. He hadn’t felt anything in so long. She had some mysterious magic that turned a key in him somewhere, made him think, made him feel. He felt confused by it, but now in this moment she was what he wanted to focus on, not himself. He was used to burying everything anyway, he didn’t want to think about the what-ifs and the should or shouldn’ts. He wanted to kiss her and feel her against him, it was exquisite.  
Lena looked up at him, into his eyes. Her hands were on his face again, her fingertips tracing the scar above his left eye. “Fight,” he whispered,”that’s where I got it.” She smiled a little.  
“Don’t get hit in the face anymore please. Like ruining a Michaelangelo.”  
Tommy rolled his eyes.”Pleeeease.” He dropped his face down and she pulled him to her to kiss him. Her legs were trapped in the blanket, she wanted to wrap them around him. He felt her fighting and rolled around until they were both almost freed. The air in the attic room was chilly, he felt her hard nipples slide against his still-moist skin, and his cock jumped against her, threatening to rise. She moaned in her throat appreciatively.  
She wanted to be in control this time. She attempted to push him and roll over on him, but he was heavy, sturdy. He chuckled against her kiss.  
“What ya tryin to do little girl,” he breathed in his deep rough voice, smiling. His eyes danced, she saw light in them. Playtime? She shoved hard against him, smiling back.  
“It’s my turn, Tommy.”  
“Hmmm, says who?” He licked her throat and bit and kissed it, starting to grind his body into her, dominating her with his strength. She growled in arousal and exasperation as she forced herself upwards, willing him off and to the side. He rolled over onto his back, almost giggling.”Oh you think you’re strong. Do you even know who you’re messin with?” He gripped her arms and locked his leg around hers, trapping her movement. She struggled to break free.”The more you struggle, the worse it gets for you.”  
“Yeah we’ll see, “she huffed, and twisted her hip so he lost his leghold on her. She deftly broke his grip on her arms and grabbed his wrists in a counterhold. His expression was priceless, but she knew there was no way she would stand a chance for real here. “You forget, my brother was watching you and tried shit out on me. My best friend’s dad was a cage fighter. Don’t underestimate me Tommy Conlon.”  
His belly-laugh was so infectious she couldn't help but join in. “I knew Callum’s dad, and I know you think you can handle yourself, but-“ She was stunned by how fast he was on top of her and holding her in a high mount submission hold with her arms pinned under his knees. He wasn’t applying all his strength and weight into it, she was only getting a taste of it. She was screwed. However this position gave her a full view of his half-erect cock, it was wagging in her face. She broke out in a lascivious grin.  
“I was going to say this wasn’t fair, but suddenly I don’t feel so sure about that.”Tommy looked down at himself and laughed.He placed his hands on the bed and popped off her, sidling in next to her. ”Aww…”she said, but made her move on him to fasten him to the bed; she wrapped her arms around his hips and nuzzled her face against his firm belly, and his half-erection instantly grew against her breasts.She slowly disengaged to run her hands up his chest and then drag her nails gently down, down til she got to his hips again. He took in a deep shaky breath as she nuzzled the tangle of dark hair that surrounded his stiff cock , she was opening her mouth and letting out a slow hot breath that made him wriggle. Her hands found his thighs and she slipped them upwards slowly, and she nuzzled her face against the underside of his shaft. “Lena..”he moaned softly, and his hands were in her hair, twisting in as she ran her tongue upwards in long strokes on him, and wrapped him in her fist to go to work on him, licking and sucking on the round head while her hand stroked him up and down, slowly, she wanted him to suffer a little, and enjoy it. He tasted salty and hot, burning her tongue a little.”Mmmmm,” she hummed in her throat and it carried through around him, she looked up at him and saw his head back and rolling, saw another scar on his chin, and then he looked down at her, face flushed and eyes hazed over. His lips looked swollen from their kisses, and she wondered how he was going to use them on her when he finally lost patience with this. Her left palm cupped his balls and bound them to the base of his cock, her right hand kept as a relentless rhythm as she sucked him in to her mouth deeper, harder,longer strokes. She could see the tattoo ‘til I die sw’ on his left side up close now, wondering what that meant. He twisted under her and his abs clenched to pivot more of his cock into her mouth. Slippery saltiness was all over her mouth and she knew it was coming from him, she didn’t want him to get too close that he couldn’t stop. His voice was rasping her name and he gave out high-pitched sighs, she loved hearing it. She was crouching over him and working him into a fever. He let out a low rumbling groan and tried to sit up, pulling at her. He flipped her on her back and before she could even wipe her mouth he was kissing her, his hands running all over her, he wanted her so badly now but he had other plans. “My turn,” he whispered menacingly. His mouth devoured her neck, his hands cupping and kneading her breasts. He wanted to slow down but he was over the edge with wanting, he was going to eat her alive. He ran his open sucking mouth down her ribs, her belly, to her pelvis. He blew cool air on the outside of her pussy, she sighed and gasped as his tongue went to work licking and sucking the outside til he pushed her thighs out wide and opened his mouth against her, rolling his tongue around and around her clit. She had never experienced this before, he was inhaling her, his fingers entered her and worked in and out, she was seeing stars. His lips were hot and sucking on her, and she cried his name out, digging her nails into the sheets, pressing back into the bed. It was too intense, she felt the cold burn rising up her spine. She looked down at his head between her legs, she could see him pressing his hips into the bed,grinding his own cock as he tongue fucked her. She wanted him to stop, she didn’t want him to stop, she thrashed on the bed whimpering, every pass over her clit and every stroke of his fingers and tongue coming faster and faster. “Come Lena, come”, she heard him say, and she wanted him to be inside her when he did.  
“Tommy come here, come here now,” she cried. He shook his head a vigorous ‘no’ on purpose, never taking his mouth off her. She felt another finger pushing inside, three now? “Oh GOD-“the room went still as she imploded, her face frozen in agony and ecstasy, her body tight as a drum and pulsating. His fingers drove the rhythm of the incredible shocks of cold fire rolling over her, into her, through her, hard and deep and fast. As soon as he felt her body releasing from the knot it was in, he rose up and he plunged into her, hard and quick. He moaned loudly, she was screaming into the pillow again, her body bracing against him as he pummelled her. He rose up just enough to lift her hips up in his hands so he could hold her fast to him. His face was red when she finally looked at him, his hair slick with sweat. Tommy was going to destroy her body tonight and she willingly sacrificed it for the pleasure he gave her.  
Suddenly he was up on his knees and dragged her hips with his. She was stretched out in front of him and he had her legs pinned wide open with his hands so she was totally exposed and helpless as he continued his relentless rhythm. Her back curled, her pelvis arced towards the ceiling, she felt his hot palms on either side of her sex as he leaned into it, using her to lift himself and have more tilting room. Sweat dripped off him onto her, the veins bulged in his arms, he watched his cock burying into her to the hilt over and over, making her cry and whimper his name. He was rubbing around inside her, places she never knew could spark such intense thrumming ecstasy. His eyes were locked on her now, he had that look that she saw when she watched him fighting in videos, fierce, animalistic, raw. Almost scary. She reached out for him, breathlessly calling his name. He shook his head no slowly, clasping her hands and holding them for just a moment before he held them down on the bed. He kept digging deep into her, glaring at her with dark blue fire, and before she realized what was happening she was coming again, thrashing against him-she could not bear it, she begged him to stop but he would not, it was too much, too much. She felt wet, so wet, and she opened her eyes to see Tommy pulling out to make her wet too, a loud deep grunting cry escaping his lips, and she grabbed the shaft and felt it throb and pulse with each spasm of his orgasm, she stroked it and he hissed as the last of it spilled in between her fingers.  
He collapsed on his back beside her, panting loudly. She could not move, everything was dead weight. She panted too, thunderstruck and shaken by their shared experience. After a while she could raise her head just enough to look around. The bed was a wet mess of sheets and their bodies. She needed a towel. She needed water more, and in the worst way. The rum was washed out of her system, but she felt so dizzy from the beating Tommy just gave her. She listened to him take a deep breath, trying to get it back. Did this really happen? she asked herself. She stared blankly at the crappy drywall ceiling, the plain dim room devoid of any pictures or personal touches. Except for one…she squinted her eyes in the half-light to make out a picture by his bed. She would have to get a better look when she got up, but it looked like two guys in military fatigues.  
Lena had noticed Tommy had propped up on his elbows and was watching her. He wanted to tell her to leave, not because he didn’t want her to stay, but because he felt it would be safer if she did. When she finally snapped out of her daze, she looked over at him in surprise, and it was as if she saw his concern. To her it looked like another empty blank stare that made her uncomfortable.  
“Tommy….” She looked at him quizzically. Was he in there? He just looked away, reaching for his already wet tank that hung half off the bed, and instead of tossing it at her he mopped her up. She felt very cold and exposed suddenly, and confused. She grabbed his wrist before he could throw the tank to the floor and shook it the best she could. “Hey, “ she said softly. His eyes scanned her face.  
“You should go,” he croaked. His demeanor couldn’t possibly have changed faster in the short time they spent together as it had at that moment. Her face went blank and he saw the hard wall going up, the one others must see when they look at him. She instantly let him go and was off the bed in seconds, grabbing her clothes and pulling them on, scanning for her shoes all the while and then remembering she left them in her car.  
Lena opened the door and turned to look at him. Tommy looked like he was going to get up, wrapped in the sheet and swinging his legs off the side of the bed. She held her hands up.  
“Stop. Don’t bother. I can find my own way out. See you around.” And down the stairs she went, quiet as the grave. She stole through the hall and was almost out the front door, when she heard a horrible choking sound come from Paddy’s room. Ffffuuuck, she thought. What if… Of course she had to go check, she couldn’t help it, didn’t matter that it wasn’t her concern really. She found a light switch in the hall just before Paddy’s room and flipped it on, opening his door a crack to see inside. He was out cold, no vomit or anything. Looked OK. She flipped the light switch off and closed the door as quietly as she could, turned around and ran straight into Tommy’s bare chest. She backpedaled quickly but he caught her and pinned her to the wall to close to Paddy’s door. She struggled, knowing it was pointless, but doing it anyway. Tommy held her fast until she stopped fighting.  
“Listen,” he whispered. “LISTEN-to me please Lena, I don’t want to say it again.”  
“Get off me Tommy, I can talk without you restraining me!” She whispered too loudly, and he shushed her by kissing her, softly but enough to stop her from talking. She couldn’t help but give in. The fuck is wrong with me,with him, she thought, but his lips were over hers, around hers, his body was flattening her to the wall and he was naked. She could smell her own perfume on him, smell his sweat and whatever cologne he used….irresistible.  
When he felt she was calm, he pulled away from her mouth to kiss her neck, her throat. She held his head in her hands, her fingers in his soft unruly hair as she was still pinioned to the wall, and her legs slid against his as he sighed against her skin. ”Tommy I don’t know what the hell happened tonight or what’s going to happen tomorrow…” Tommy stopped what he was doing to look at her face. This time she could see him in the pale light of the living room lamp, see his sad questioning eyes.  
“Lena..”he began, and looked down.”I can’t do this with you.”  
“What, sex? Or what, Tommy? What is this?”  
He burned her with a look.”Any of it. Look I’m busy, got doctors I gotta see and training and…all this bullshit here too. I-I don’t have time and uh…I think you’re better off without me.”  
He wanted to tell her he couldn’t sleep, and when he did he would wake up screaming or wanting to kill someone. He wanted to tell her he was supposed to be on five different medications but wasn’t very good at remembering to take them, accidentally on purpose. He wanted to tell her how every day in jail was a year, and he came out even more fucked up than before. He wanted to tell her about his therapy sessions that usually ended with him breaking shit, how he was broke and having trouble finding a job since going AWOL doesn’t have a good ring to it. He wanted to tell her…  
“Yeah…”she whispered back, narrowing her eyes. “You know, you may think this is the first time for me. It’s not. Done this before. Can you get off me please? I have to work in the morning, I go to college, and I still find time to see my friend, go to the gym, you know, live my LIFE,” she hissed. She only got away from him because he let her go. “Just spare me, this doesn’t have to be so hard. See ya Tommy.” The front door almost slammed.  
Lena jumped in her car, shaking her head, angrily twisting the keys in the ignition. Fuckin’ stalled! Great. Thankfully she got it to start after the third try, and she threw the townhome one last look before taking off. She could see a figure in the attic window. Tommy was watching her leave.  
“What the fuck,”she said out loud, and hit the accelerator. It was 11:45 at night, there wasn’t another car out on the street. She turned right down one dark avenue, then left down another. Soon she was on her old block, Cal’s house to her left, her mom’s to the right a few doors down. Tears burned in her eyes. The Conlon house had been so close all this time. She started heading back to her cozy little apartment.She shook her head, bitter and irritated. ”Why did I have to run into him tonight,”she muttered out loud to herself.”Why am I so upset?!? “ She looked at herself in the rearview mirror and wiped her tears away. “Fuck it,” she huffed. Almost home……..


	4. Last Chances

THE NEXT DAY Lena was opening the door to Vince’s at 6AM. No matter how terrible she felt from lack of sleep she was going to be there like she told her uncle she would. Vince, however, was late, and he crawled through the door a little after 7. Lena already had the deposit done, and the alcohol order. She was readying her clipboard for the produce order when Vince staggered through the office door, wearing last night’s clothes and sunglasses.   
“Heyy kid..” he rasped, offering a slight smile. Lena giggled in spite of herself.  
“Heya there, Unc! How ya doing?” She poured him a cup of coffee from the pot brewing on the desk. Vince took a big drink and sighed loudly.  
“Ahhhh thank you Lee,” he plopped down on the wrong side of the desk. Sunglasses still on. Lena grinned at him.  
“Uh, how was your night?” she asked playfully. Vince shook his head.  
“I ain’t no young man no more, Lee, I’ll tell ya that.” He grumbled something unintelligible and slammed the rest of his coffee. Lena grimaced, pouring him another cup. She dug around in the desk and passed him a bottle of aspirin.”Those sons of hers can really drink!”  
“Watch out, you’ll burn your tongue!” She passed him his java, and he started sucking that down too, popping aspirin for breakfast.   
“I don’t really care if I do, I’m sure I deserve it somehow.” Vince rested his head back on the leather seat. Man, he’s really in bad shape, she thought.  
“Well, boss, I have a couple things you need to see…” she got up from the desk and handed him some papers, and Vince looked at them through his dark glasses. ”Uncle V you may want to take your shades off so you can see!!”  
Vince laughed.”Guess the world’s just a better place with them on right now. You know I trust you to order and everything, why do you want me to check it? You are the only one I trust, Lee.”  
Lena smiled at him. “I know Uncle V. I love you too.” She rubbed his shoulder briefly and went to sit back down at the desk. Vince took off his sunglasses and winced; he leaned over the desk and peered at her with bleary eyes.  
“Yeeaah kid, you don’t look so good either. You still sick?”  
She shook her head.”No Uncle V, just tired.”She tried to perk up and look smiley.”Are you going to sign those invoices or what?”  
“Yeah alright kid. Whatever you say. I gave you the night off tonight right?”  
“You did, sir,”she sighed,”you want more coffee?”  
Vince smiled at her. Maybe the coffee was helping, he was getting some color back.She tussled with the thought of asking him if he knew anything about the Conlons. He may not have lived here at the time, but he and her father were so tight, brothers-in-arms. Maybe….  
“Alright, Lena, why don’t you run the deposit for me.”  
Lena’s eyebrows went up. He may have trusted her with everything but he had never asked her to do that before. Always told her he worried about ‘a pretty little thing like you carrying all that cash’.  
“Yeah don’t look at me like that, it’s only two thou, you’ll be alright. Go now, please, and stop at that bagel shop on 7th st. I’m dyin’ here, I need some bread to soak this shit up.”  
She grabbed the deposit bag, laughing.”Don’t you know you’re supposed to eat before you drink?”  
“Just go will ya?” Vince was smiling too. She was so lucky to have him around. She kissed his head and headed for the back door where her car was parked outside.   
As she drove along, listening to some terrible morning radio show, she saw something briefly roll along the passenger floorboard, then disappear again under the seat. Great, what if it’s Tommy’s,she thought. But she knew if it was anything important she would see him at the gym. She mentally prepared herself for that encounter, she didn’t know if she was just going to act cool, or punch him, or what. She sort of decided she would just ignore him, would be the safest route, since she figured he would ignore her anyway.   
At Lucy’s 7th street Bagels n’ More she was treated to the glorious sight of Cal, dressed in canary yellow spandex paying at the counter. He grimaced at her.  
“You bitch,” he said loudly in his deep baritone.”I have been trying to call you all morning. What the hell is going on, thought we were hittin’ it today?”  
“Hi Cal, nice to see you too.”She knew she had to be seven shades of red, the little place was full of older people, working people, all seated or waiting to be helped. Cal did not seem to care, as usual, and marched right up to her. She immediately put her hands up as a show of either grapple or peace, whichever he was ready for.   
“Your phone broken? I mean what-“  
“What are you doing here, oh King of Calories, Prince of Pecs?”  
“Don’t you fuckin’ cut me off, I’m here for my mom.” Lena motioned to the people staring at them.”I don’t give a damn!”he said loudly.”I go to your apartment, you’re not there, you’re not answering your phone-“  
“I accidentally left it at home, Cal,” she sighed, and that was the truth. ” I was in a hurry this morning-“  
“Oh yeah, to go where? I know you don’t have a class til 3, don’t try-“  
“Hey!” Cal was interrupted by a very husky man behind the counter. He was staring at Lena.”You gonna order or what?”  
“Uh, yeah, I’m sorry, I need two plain and two sides of garden cream cheese, thanks.” When she turned back Cal was smirking. He was so infuriating.”Happy now? You’ve officially embarrassed me and I probably will never come back here again.”  
He pulled his black Ray-Bans down his nose so she could get a good look at his baby blues. What a waste, she thought, half my girlfriends at school want to jump him.  
“Already told you. This is my I-give-a-fuck face.” Of course his expression did not change. He trailed behind her, tapping his foot and sighing while she waited to pay.”You got two bagels, you goin’ to see your mom too?”  
“No,”she hissed,”I’m at work with Vince, balancing books, you know, work? Speaking of work, how did the Hellfire Club interview go?”  
Cal did not smile. His face went blank and he shrugged.”Not going to talk about that right now. Next time will you message me please? My next stop was going to be Vince’s to see if you were there and OH MY GOD what is on your NECK.”  
She had her bagel bag and purse in her hands and almost dropped them to clap a hand to her neck, feeling around while Cal’s jaw hung open.”What, what?!?”  
Cal hustled Lena out of the shop and spun her around to show her reflection in the mirrored window of Lucy’s Bagels n’ More. There she could see a bruise, small but definetly a bruise on the side of her neck. Then Cal bustled her around to pull her ponytail away from the other side of her neck and there was another bruise, lower and almost to the back-it looked like teethmarks. Uggghhhh shiiit,how did he do that? I didn’t feel that..  
Lena looked at Cal. He was ready to throw a total bitchfit right there in the street, she had to get him out of there.”Cal, I-“  
“NO. No. Save it. I don’t want to hear any stupid fucked up stories right now, my mom is not feeling well, she’s really sick, so if you can find time in your busy schedule come by. I’ll be there.” And he stormed off, obviously he had decided to walk instead of drive.  
“Cal you want me to drive you-“ but Cal had already rounded the corner and was gone. Lena sighed to herself. People were coming out of the bagel shop and were staring at her as she got into her car. She mentally flipped them off and eased into traffic to get back to Vince, who was probably worried. She had almost completely forgotten about whatever it was that was rolling around her car when she saw it again out of the corner of her eye. As soon as she stopped she would check it out.   
On the way back she swore she saw Tommy at the bus stop at 12th and Arlington. She tried not to break her neck to get a good look, and looked away sharply when the hooded figure in faded jeans look towards her car. When she checked her rearview she could barely see anyway, traffic was thick this time of the morning.  
Coming to a stop at the restaurant back lot, she saw a small black bottle roll from under the passenger seat. Wrapped around it tightly with a rubber band was neatly folded $100 bill. What-the-fuck? She almost didn’t want to pick it up. She was surprised to find it was heavy, made of thick glass. Did she dare open it? Hmm….  
She knew one thing for sure, she wanted it far away from her, it looked shady as hell. And just because she was so curious, she unscrewed the black cap and looked in-some kind of thick liquid, heavier than oil. Smelled like….salt? She wasn’t sure. What ever it was she stuffed it in her glove compartment and headed inside, it would have to wait.

AN HOUR LATER she was headed to Cal’s house. She thought about driving by and chucking the bottle on Tommy’s lawn, maybe through the window, but decided against it. When she arrived, Cal was sitting on the porch, looking like he got locked out.   
“Hey what’s up?” she asked, getting out of the car. Cal looked distraught, but said nothing. He waited til she was sitting down next to him.  
“Mom went to the doc the other day.”  
“And?”  
Cal sighed, still not really making eye contact with her.”And they think she’s real sick Lena…they’re gonna make her go through a bunch of tests before they call it, but…they think she has ovarian cancer.”  
Lena grabbed Cal in her arms and hugged him tight. He buried his face in her coat and she felt him hitching with soundless sobs.  
“Cal….”she felt like she couldn’t breathe. It would be like her mom getting sick, this was only marginally different as they were so close-knit, Cal’s family and hers.”When is she going back to the doc?”  
Cal pulled back and tried to take a breath. “Senna took her…some crap about ladies parts…like I care, they’re my mom’s parts!” and he burst into tears again. Lena took his face in her hands and pulled his head towards her.  
“Listen to me Cal.”His eyes popped open and looked into her dark brown eyes-he wished she could really hypnotize him right now, because all he wanted was to give up. “You gotta get it together. You must. Your mom needs you to be strong. Hopefully it is a cyst or something fixable, your mom is strong and healthy. I am right here Cal and I want you to cry to me, but don’t let Rita see you. She has to find strength in you so she can find it in herself.”  
For a while Cal looked at her, his eyes rimmed red and his nose running. Suddenly he burst out laughing.  
“Oh shit Lena. You just had a Dr. Phil moment.”  
Lena threw her head back in exasperation.”Agghh Cal! I’m not joking around.” Suddenly Cal’s face was serious again.  
“I know you weren’t…I’m sorry Lee. Just….I don’t know what I’d do without her. You know? She’s my everything, really….and you and your mom…I just…”  
“Well….”Lena held his hand and squeezed it tight. “One step at a time, Cal. You haven’t lost her, she’s still here. And I’m here too. I love you.”  
“I love you too, Lena,” he said smiling softly, and kissed her cheek. “But you’re still in trouble. You going to tell me where you got those trashy marks?” He gasped,”Was it Ginger?”  
Lena rolled her eyes and shook her head. Even though the morning chill was lifting and it was starting to feel a little warmer, she knew she had to get him inside for this one.  
“Can we please go inside Cal? I would love a cup of coffee.”  
In they went, and she sat down while Cal got them some hot coffee. She loved his little townhome, his mom Rita was an amateur painter and the different styles she had tried over the years graced the walls in between photos of the family and neighborhood. She felt at home.

The hood was really where she wanted to be, where she and Cal and David didn’t know what it was to worry, kickball all day and ice cream trucks, chalk and water guns. The only thing they had to worry about was the streetlights coming on, signaling their time was up.  
Lena watched Cal as he sat down across from her at the table. She wanted to burst into tears now, but she had to keep it together.  
“OK, cough it up. Now.” He said and fixed her with his best stare. She almost giggled.  
“So….”she began, and started telling him about how she got sick, how she stopped at the shitty gas station, and who she bumped into. Cal interrupted rudely. As usual.  
“Um, I don’t think I like this story already.”  
“Well you asked, didn’t you? So he asked me for a ride, and I-“  
“Tell me you told him to find his own way back down to the corner.”  
“Wow, you are so harsh. No I, ahem I mean we went to get a drink-“  
“We?! Lena let me just say that he has serious PTSD, and if you don’t know what that is you should look it up. He just got out of the pen, he can’t get a job cuz he went AWOL, he’s desperate and he’s not the guy I remember.”  
Lena looked at him quizzically.”How do you know all this? Colt and Rita?”  
“I was at the gym while you were at work last night, Lee, and he was there. He talked to me a little bit, you know, kinda. Out of nowhere, caught me off guard. Really weird. Wanted to ask me about my dad, told me he remembered him and always respected him. It’s funny, he just started telling me this shit about going to a counselor and all these meds he’ s supposed to be on, but has no insurance, can’t afford it. He hasn’t slept in days he said. I offered him some cash but he wouldn’t take it. He’s really messed up, it’s sad.”  
“You talked to him?!?”  
“Yeah.” Cal’s face fell.”Oh no. It was him wasn’t it. Please tell me it wasn’t.”  
Lena choked back a sob and forced it down. “Um yeah….”  
Cal’s face was shocked, then sad. But he still managed to yell. “Girl are you crazy?!? You don’t know him!”  
“Cal, it’s not like he hurt me or tried to kill me. We ended up at the VFW and had to haul Paddy out-“  
“Paddy C?!?”  
“Christ would you let me finish?!”  
Finally she did, and Cal sat there, tapping his foot and shaking his head.  
“Don’t tell anyone please Cal! Not your mom, OR mine. Please!”  
“I just…I don’t know what to say, other than you better get tested, he just got out of jail-“  
“Cal!!”  
“Just sayin’….a man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do.” Cal looked at her like,’don’t blame me!’ He stood up to get more coffee.“You never know what happened in there.”  
“You know, I think I’m done for now, Cal, that was over-the-top don’t you think?”  
“No. I don’t. I think YOU are over-the-top for fucking that totally messed up dude that you don’t even know!” And then he was back in his seat, staring at her with a wicked grin.”Speaking of which are you going to give me any details? How was it?”  
Lena turned beet red. “Ugh Cal!!”  
“You’re going to tell me, you understand? You bitch. Was he big, small, what? I mean-“  
“He was big, not real long, just-“  
“Thick, wide?” Cal was grinning from ear to ear, enjoying making her feel uncomfortable. His smile disappeared suddenly.“He didn’t hurt you did he?”  
“No, well, not like on purpose. He was….”Lena sighed and looked off out the window.”The best I’ve probably ever had. Not like I have a big basis for comparison..”  
“Yeah what, like three dudes, that dork in high school with the stupid haircut-“  
“Yes yes, I remember. There’s only been three, I know Cal, I just…wow it was amazing. I, you know, like three times and that has never happened. Just exploded. He has such a sexy voice, he purrs I swear, like growls and it sounds high and low at the same time. He was…so intense and he was sweet and tried to stop it, but I kinda pushed it…”  
“You?!?”  
“Yeah, I dunno, he makes me feel….different. Strange almost, never known anyone like him before.”  
“Yeah well, different is not always better. Lena please watch it-“  
‘He threw me out, Cal, didn’t you hear that part? After everything he just…wanted me gone.”  
“See I told you. He’s doing you a favor, Lena, thank your lucky stars you got a free pass.”He grabbed her hand.”He’s selling steroids and growth hormones. Don’t know where he’s getting it but he needs cash and he’s got a few guys at the gym to buy. I didn’t want to buy but I offered him money anyway. Think I pissed him off. Please just stay away, if he gets caught, if Colt finds out, he’s out. Don’t associate yourself with him, don’t get caught up in it.”  
Lena stood up.”Hold on Cal-“and she grabbed her purse. She produced the black bottle and handed it to him. “What do you think?”  
“Where the hell did you get this?”  
“It fell out of his pocket I guess. Was on the floorboard.”  
Cal inspected it, sniffed it, touched it. “Honey this is HGH, not illegal when prescribed. Really you need to get it off your hands.”He looked at her.”Who knows where the fuck he got it. You have to unload this. Don’t you have a number or something for him?”She smiled sarcastically. “OK I take that as a no. So…what now?”  
“What now is, I have to get home. I would like to actually read up a little before class. And when class is out, we need to hit the gym. I need-“  
“To be PUNISHED!” he hollered at her, smiling and laughing.”Oh well you know I’m jealous anyway, haven’t seen another dick besides mine in forever. Bor-r-r-ring!!”  
Lena laughed and boxed his arms and shoulders playfully.”I’m just glad you saw the marks and not our moms..”  
“Holy shit Senna would have been all over you!”He handed her the bottle back.”You sure you don’t want me to get this back to him? I could put it in his mailbox or something.”  
“No, I can handle it. I might throw it at him, but..”  
“Lee, trust me on this, he did you a favor.”  
Favor my ass, she thought, shifting uncomfortably in her seat as she drove home. She was so sore, her legs, her hips, and she was pretty sure her pussy was gone and replaced with a scorch mark. She started thinking about it, about him, his beautiful eyes that could convey so much, and then give away nothing at all. A guy as rough-edged as he was shouldn’t have bee-stung lips and fine features. And his voice….she told Cal about it but it just didn’t do him justice. Like a grate on an iron old stove and butterfly wings.  
She shivered. Thinking about him pawing her, kissing her, the red flush on his cheeks and neck and chest as he came all over her….she couldn’t breathe. She had passed her own apartment. Damn.  
LATER…at the gym. Lena still had that damn bottle and she was getting more and more uncomfortable carrying it around. She and Cal had discussed her handing it over to Colt just to get the whole thing over with…but there was no way Lena could do that to Tommy, not after everything she had heard and seen for herself. She didn’t want to hurt him, even though he made her feel so shitty. Lena was trying so hard not to look around as she and Cal made their circuit of cardio, legs, and abs. It wasn’t until Lena thought she was going to die and Cal was dragging her off to the elliptical machines that she saw the hooded figure of Tommy Conlon pace into the cardio room. It was pretty busy that evening, lots of people coming and going. Lena was glad for it, because she was dimly hoping he would not notice her. Cal was turning up the heat on her dash, pressing buttons to increase the resistance and speed.  
“Goddammit Cal, I am not a man,”she panted, trying to scrape his fingers off her display. “Stop it stop it I’m sweatin like a whore in church as it is-“  
“Hey.” Gravelly voice, whispered growl. Lena got the chills. She turned her head and there was Tommy looking up at her. He had a huge black eye and a fresh bleeding cut on his cheek. Lena blinked sweat out of her eyes.  
“Yeah?” asked Cal, though it was not much of a question. Cal’s voice had the timbre of a deep hollow cave. He should have been a cop, Lena thought.  
Tommy shot Cal a look from under his hood, then looked back at Lena. “I need to talk to you. You gonna be much longer?”  
“Umm…”she panted, “I-think-I’m-about-over-this…”  
Tommy nodded. “I’ll wait. By the back rooms.” And he strode off.   
“Uh-uh,” Cal breathed,”you’re not going alone Lena.”  
Lena shrugged at him, sweat dripping off her nose. “What?!? Cal it’s right there, the fuckin hallway…”  
Cal just looked at her, shaking his head ‘no no no’. Blue eyes burning into her.  
“Uggghhhh!!” She breathed out in a loud growl. She slowed her pace to cool down. “Fuck this Cal….my legs are hot rubber.”  
Cal waggled his eyebrows at her. “Hmm….sounds sexaaaayy….”  
“Fuck-you-Cal.” And with that Lena stopped the elliptical. Her thighs burned, her lungs hurt, her hips sore….didn’t help that Tommy had busted her up pretty good already.  
Cal quit too. Even he was pouring sweat and panting. “ May have overdone it a little…”  
Lena shot him a look as they toweled off and headed to the hallway in the back of the gym. They were both wobbling, guzzling their water. Lena could already make out Tommy leaned sideways against the wall by the hallway to the locker/shower/changing rooms.  
“I don’t like him,” Cal growled, out of breath. “I would not trust you and your heart to him, Lena, whatever happens just make sure you get rid of that fuckin’ bottle. Don’t take any shit from him.”

Lena slowed her pace. He had turned ever so slightly and was looking at her, watching her come in to his full view. What she didn’t know was he was as nerve-racked as she, as tense and out of breath as she. She twisted her towel in to a knot as the distance between them closed. Play it cool, play it cooool, she thought to herself, trying to breathe and get her composure back. She had just been whipped in the gym, she was not ready for this too.   
She slowed down about five feet from Tommy. She could see a raised welt on his right cheek, black left eye, cut left cheek-only his right eye looked somewhat normal. Cal stood right next to her, while Tommy’s eyes drank her in-she couldn’t tell if it was anger or lust or…Cal nudged her in the ribs.  
“You OK?”  
She stared up into his hooded eyes. Cal didn’t look like he was going anywhere.  
“Yeah, yeah-“  
“You sure?” he asked, and glared at Tommy, who slid his eyes over to Cal now, and Lena saw the change there, knew now it was anger there this time for sure.  
“Yeah, Cal, I’ll be right behind you in the sauna.”  
“Hmm. OK. You got five minutes.” And Cal prowled past Tommy, almost bumping into him, on purpose no doubt.  
“Is he your fuckin’ dad Lena?” Tommy growled, taking two slow steps towards her.  
“Hmm, no Tommy. He’s not.” She took in a shaky breath and wiped her face off again. Tommy had closed the distance between them.  
“I’m not gonna waste your time Lena. I think you know why we need to talk. You have something of mine, and I need it back. Tonight.” He handed her a scrap of paper. “This is my cell number. When you get free call me. We need to meet.”  
She took he paper and looked at the scrawled numbers. She looked up at him, her brow knitted.  
“Yeah OK Tommy. Sure.” She winked at him, no smile though. “It’s your show, boss.”  
He hissed out a sigh, shaking his head. “I’m sorry Lena.” And with that he pushed past her and walked briskly towards the front of the gym. Lena sighed deeply, watched him go.   
Cal was waiting in the hallway, just out of her line of vision.  
“Oh hi there,” she said sardonically. She stopped in front of him and stared up at him.  
“Hey. Lena. Lookin’ out for you. OK?” Cal rubbed her upper arms. “Don’t trust him. You want me to go with you tonight?”  
“You heard that?!?”  
“Fuuuuuck yes I did sweetheart. I have sharp ears, when it comes to you anyway. So I can follow you in my car-“  
“No. No, Cal, you have to let me do this. I know you’re watching out for me. I appreciate you more than you know. But you have to relax. Please.”  
Cal waved his hands at her in exasperation. “Fine. You think you’re such a big girl you just go ahead. I’m getting in the sauna. But I’m telling you know, you better be home and ready for class tomorrow, if you aren’t…I know where to find him. Just sayin’.”  
Lena rolled her eyes. Inside she was jumping like she was on a rollercoaster, knowing she was going to be see Tommy again…it was clutching at her heart. And she hated it, hated him for having that effect on her…it was maddening.  
LATER- it was around 11PM. Lena had been home, showered and dressed in her best-fitting jeans and a snug shirt with Colt’s old gym logo and address on it. She had put on light makeup and body spray, she didn’t want him to know she had cleaned up for him. She was in the car and had it running, the air had cooled to 55 degrees and she was shivering with her still-damp hair, and the anticipation tingled her skin. She dug out her cell and dialed Tommy’s number. It rang and rang, went to voicemail. She waited a minute or two, called him again. No answer, voicemail again. Fuck this, she thought, and just when she had her fingers on the keys to shut off the car, her phone started ringing. Sure enough, it was Tommy.  
“Hello,” she said, and her voice was way too breathy.   
“Hey…”it was Tommy, but there was a lot of racket in the background, laughing and music. “Lena? Lena!”  
“Yeah, Tommy, I’m here. Where are you?”  
More racket. Annoying female voice. “Who you talkin’ to Tommy?” Ugh! Who was this bitch? she thought. She shook her head.  
“Tommy I swear to God I’m hanging up,” she almost shouted.  
“No no! Lena, hold on-“ and she heard rustling, “hey shut the fuck up!” and then he was back. “Lena, I’m sorry-“ he laughed,”I’m at Killian’s.” It was really quiet now, he must have gone outside or locked himself in the bathroom.  
Lena sighed, pissed. “What do you want to do here, Tommy? Cuz I got class in the morning, I don’t have time for this shit.”  
“Hey, hey Lena….calm down.”His voice was like a soothing balm in her ear. Damn him. “Come on down here. Come on. I’ll buy you a drink. Whatever you want.”  
“Hey, hey Tommy. You got that ex-girlfriend there-“  
“Don’t worry ‘bout her. She ain’t important. You and me got business. Real business.” He must have been drunk as a skunk because he was chuckling now.   
“Oh yeah? What kind of business, Tommy?” Lena stifled a smile.  
“You got something I want. Something I need. I need it. Now.” His voice was sexy in her ear, it ran like feathers up her spine and melted her down inside.  
“Yeah I got that. OK?” She tried to sound irritated. Tommy was quiet, but she could hear him sigh. “I’m on my way.”  
“OK. Good.” He hung up. Lena stared at her phone. Just a couple minutes and it felt like an eternity. She sped off in the direction of Killian’s, eager to see him, see what the ex looked like, if she was there anyway.  
Killian’s was packed, it was Wednesday and she knew it was ladies night, she and Cal had been a few times. She finally found a spot to park, and went inside, showing her ID to the doorman who just smiled and waved her in. They were blaring “What’s Left Of The Flag” by Flogging Molly and it was loud with all the drunks caterwauling along. Lena looked around the throng of people and felt someone suddenly grab her shoulder. She spun around and it was a guy from her economics class, a good looking dirty blond boy….Jack was it?  
“LENA! Hey you’re in my-“  
“Economics class,” she finished, having to yell over the racket.  
“Yeah yeah! Wow didn’t know you were a Killian’s type girl! Can I get you a drink?”  
Lena considered it for a minute. Maybe a drink would calm her a little. She smiled at her handsome classmate and opened her mouth to answer, when she saw Tommy come to his side and say something in his ear that made poor Jack blanch.  
“See you in class Lena!” he smiled weakly and turned in his barstool away from her. Tommy stood there in a black tank and well-worn but tight-fitting jeans, grinning at her. His injuries looked worse, however his body looked a little more cut, tats dark on his ruddy skin, a silver dogtag swinging around his neck. His hair was tossed a little, she wondered if he ever actually tried to do anything with it, it was thick and dark. She remembered her fingers in it, pulling on it…she must have turned beet red, she could feel the heat rising and Tommy laughed.  
“Ahh Lena…nice to see you.” He put his arm around her shoulder. This guy was so bi-polar. “What would you like?” He had to talk into her ear. He was leading her towards a booth that had just cleared off.  
Lena leaned against his firm chest to put her lips against his ear. “I want to get this over with, that’s what I want.” She felt him shiver against her, from her breath in his ear. He tightened his grip on her.   
“Lena…” he pulled her down to the seat of the booth, on his lap. “Born With A Broken Heart” started blaring. Lena uncomfortably shifted in his lap. “Don’t be like that…”  
“Be like what, Tommy?” Their faces were inches apart. He smelled like citrus musk,whisky and cigarettes. Stubble darkened his jaw and chin, his wounds were so fresh she could almost see them pulsing. His lips were swollen and red. “What the fuck happened to you anyway? You’re all banged up.” Her palm slid in caress around his shoulder that she had been leaning on for support, comfortingly. Tommy took in a deep breath and smiled, but his eyes, somehow more blue tonight,looked at her warily.   
“Yeah, that’s why I needed to see you tonight. I uh, owe some people some cash.” Lena immediately started digging in her purse, but Tommy grabbed her arm to stop her. She looked at him questioningly. “No, not here. I’ll let you know when.” Then he smiled at her again. “Lemme buy you a drink. Maybe I can convince you I’m not a complete asshole.”  
It was Lena’s turn to smile. “Fat chance Tommy. Maybe you can convince me there’s really a Santa too.”  
Tommy looked hurt. And not just physically. His forehead wrinkled up, his lips pursed. “I’ll fuckin’ fix you, you’ll see.” He picked her up still in a seated position and deposited her on the bench seat of the booth, just as you please. She watched him wade through the crowd towards the bar. She noticed how he moved like a big cat, prowling through. Her sex was throbbing from sitting on his lap, from being so close and pressed up against him, her nose was full of his scent. She felt her heartbeat in her face.  
He returned with two large black and tans, two little shotglasses with something brown in it. Not her favorite, but she was at an Irish bar after all. He slammed hers down on the table, and a little of the precious beer slopped out of the glass. She made a face at him and wiped it up.  
“Yeah?” she asked. “OK, I got this.”  
Then Tommy sat down the shot glasses. “That too.”  
“Fuck you Tommy, I’m not drinkin all that!” She was rudely interrupted as Tommy pushed her over to sit next to her.  
“Shot first, beer after,”he shouted. He lifted the shotglass, raised his eyebrows. “Ready?”  
Lena shook her head, lifting her shotglass. “What is this?”  
Tommy grinned, his real naughty little boy grin she had seen once before. “Whisky. Let’s GO already!”  
Lena slammed her shot, and wincing, went for her beer as Tommy knocked his shot back like a pro, wiped his mouth with his palm and watched her drinking the stout beer down like it was really that good.   
“YEAH!” he barked, and Lena jumped. “ Tole ya I’m gonna fix you girl. Why can’t you be nicer to me?”  
“Huh? Me? The fuck?” Lena looked like she was going to attack him, and Tommy sat back, putting his hands up in a surrender gesture. “Tommy,” Lena leaned into his chest to get in his ear again. This time she felt him breath in sharply. “What are we doing?”  
Tommy shook his head and pushed on her a little, not to move her but it seemed it was just because he could.  
“You gotta quit questioning everything all the time, damn-“  
But he was cut off when some blonde chick with hardly anything on and looking a little too old to dress as such interrupted them, yelling with a really thick accent, “Tommy! What about my shot huh?”  
Tommy cocked his head at her and looked like she just slapped him. “Get the fuck outta here Danny, I told you we’re done.”  
“Yeah mothafucka, you still owe me two-hundred bucks. What, you gonna ask this little tramp for cash too?”  
Lena turned an ugly shade and started to stand up. Tommy didn’t even look, he just gave her a stiff arm to hold her down and re-seat her. Instead he stood up and even though this Danny chick was a little taller than him he managed to make her cringe, and he said something to her that Lena couldn’t hear, but she saw Danny’s whole expression change. She stepped back and looked like she was going to slap him, instead she put both her middle fingers in his face, almost in his eyes, and hustled off in her high heels and short shorts.  
Tommy turned around, and the fire was back in his eyes. Lena was getting better at reading him, not much, but a little. He was bristling, thoroughly pissed off.  
“Are you almost done?”he barked, like she was taking too long.  
Lena cocked her head back and screwed up her face. “Shit Tommy, sit down.”  
He shook his head, slammed his beer. All gone, just like that. He started to pace and look around, she wasn’t sure if he was looking for someone or he was just crawling out of his skin and ready to leave.  
Lena looked at her beer, only half-gone. Hmm….she drank slowly. She caught his eyes as she took a long slow sip. Tommy gritted his teeth and sighed, stood almost in front of their table now, like he was guarding her. She took her time drinking her beer. The whisky was making its rounds through her body, dulling her brain a little, warming her blood, her muscles relaxing. Suddenly the music cut out and Lena froze as she heard Danny’s voice boom out of the speakers.  
“This is for that deadbeat mothafucka Tommy Riordan that’s back there with some stupid bitch that’s probably gonna get ripped off too! Fuck you Tommy!”  
And Offspring’s “Get A Job” started blaring a top volume. Lena was shocked and half-drunk as Tommy hauled her up and dragged her through the crowd to the door. A few people jeered as he pushed through, a few girls snickered in Lena’s face as she went by.  
Tommy finally let her go outside the front door of the bar. Her arm was sore from his yanking, and she rubbed it, glaring at him as he paced and alternately looked for her car.  
“Where did you park Lena?” he grumbled, his voice tight. He wouldn’t look at her. It was both annoying and alarming.  
“I’m a little down the street here…” she started off, and Tommy grabbed her hand, walking with her quickly but still avoiding her eyes.  
“I see you,”he breathed. They hustled to her car, she hit the remote and the doors unlocked, and they both jumped in. “Can you take me to my house please, Lena.”  
But Lena didn’t start the car, even though her teeth started to chatter a little-the drastic temperature change from the bar to the outside made her cold. She just sat there and looked at him as he nervously rubbed his palms on his thighs, looked out the window, anything but her. Finally, he looked sideways at her.   
“I’ll tell you about that sometime, I just want to get the fuck out of here, OK?”  
Lena huffed. “Yeah Tommy, I really don’t think I want to know. I thought you didn’t go to Killian’s.”  
“I normally don’t. I shouldn’t have. Can we fuckin’ go? Please.” He crossed his arms and stared out the window. She shook her head and started up, headed for Tommy’s, or Paddy’s anyway. The whole was there was silent, all except for the weak radio background noise. She pulled up at Paddy’s/Tommy’s. The townhome was dark and quiet. She sat there with the car running, and Tommy gently placed his hand over hers on the shifter, slid it into park. Then he placed his hand on hers to turn the ignition. His knuckles were busted up too. She looked at him, and finally he looked back. His eyes were raw emotion, hard to tell what was happening there…she just felt bad suddenly, maybe it was the booze. She didn’t know him that well, why was she always feeling for him? Lena raised her hand underneath his to reach up and touch his face, the places he wasn’t hurt, his chin, his lower cheek. He closed his eyes and sighed. Tommy was like a wounded animal, she was relieved he reacted as he had. She had not been sure what he would do if she touched him.  
Tommy turned his face into her touch, she felt his wounds and then his warm soft lips against her skin. A hot and cold shock raced though her. He rubbed his hurt face against her palm, then her wrist as she ran her fingers into his hair to massage his scalp. He winced and drew back; she had found a gash there too. He opened his eyes and looked into hers.  
“Come inside. I won’t try anything.”  
“Yeah, but I might.” Lena smiled a little, but she was serious.   
Tommy shook his head slowly at her. “After tonight we’re done, Lena. I’m not gonna bother you anymore.”  
Lena’s temper instantly flared. “I know you think you’re in charge here. How do you think we’re going to act like nothing ever happened when we’re bumping into each other all the time, and we sure the hell aren’t friends.”  
Tommy just looked at her. “I already told you what you needed to know…you’re safer and better off without me.” He sighed heavily and looked out his window. “Can we just go inside for a minute please.”  
Lena knew he wanted the bottle and the money strapped around it. She knew that once he had it, this whole exchange would be over. She got out of the car and resigned herself to what he had said, what Cal had said.   
“Let’s get it over with,” she sighed and hiked up his townhouse steps behind him. They entered the living room, and Tommy gave one last look outside before shutting the door and switching on a light. He locked the door and turned towards her. She looked so pretty in her jeans and tee, last time it had been high heels and fancy clothes that he got to strip off her…he shook his head and looked down. His heart was pounding. Not fair that she had that effect on him, no one shakes up Tommy Riordan.  
Lena took that as her cue to give him what he wanted, so she dug in her purse and found the bottle in a little Ziploc bag, the $100 bill still wrapped around it. Tommy almost snatched it from her, tore it open, opened the bottle and looked inside, then at her. She was looking at him like he was a piece of shit. His heart stabbed pain through his chest, his breath hitched.  
“Thank you. I’m sorry…that it dropped in your car…”  
Lena nodded slowly, her expression softening. “I know. It’s OK. It’s not like it’s black tar heroin or somethin’.”  
Tommy smirked a little. “Yeah..”  
Lena paused a beat, then started towards him, towards the door. “Alright, well, nice knowin’ you…” She had her hand on the doorknob by Tommy’s side but he wasn’t moving. He stood stock still and stared at her. “Excuse me?” she said quizzically, but Tommy still would not budge. She sighed.  
“Don’t leave yet.” He grinned suddenly. “I have some beer. Have one with me?”  
Lena rolled her eyes. “I told you I have class in the morning-“  
“Just one. Last one, ever.”  
“Yeah, sure. OK Tommy.” And she followed him to the kitchen, where he turned on the light and started digging in the fridge. “You know I really wish you would make up your mind.”  
Tommy turned half to the side to look at her. “I have. You just can’t go yet.”  
Lena sighed. “Gosh golly, where would I be without you men trying to make my decisions for me?”  
Tommy closed the fridge and turned with a cocky smile. He handed her a 22 oz Mickey’s, his trademark. “Well, you know what they say…if you don’t have a plan of your own you become a part of someone else’s….”  
“Oh yeah? What have you got planned Tommy Riordan?” She opened her beer. “And you certainly don’t expect me to drink this whole thing, do you?”  
He grinned that sly fox/hungry wolf grin at her. “I’m just lookin’ out for you…” he ran his hand over her face, his fingers getting trapped in her hair, “little Lena.”  
She cocked her eyebrows at him and pursed her lips. “Yeah. Thanks Tommy.” She took a long pull off her beer and closed her eyes. Oh yeah, she definitely was moving past buzzed a little too quickly.  
“You OK?” Tommy asked. She realized he was closer to her than she thought, he must have closed the distance between them. His voice was feather light but still so gritty and deep. She looked into his blue eyes, they were so warm tonight…she touched the purple bruise under his eye, the cuts on his face. “I have to deliver this tonight…will you wait here for me…til I get back?” And now his arms were around her, his hands on the small of her back, pulling her closer to him.  
“Tommy,”she croaked, “quit with the push me pull me bit…”  
His eyes searched her face, his lips were parted and getting closer. She felt so dizzy and just wanted to fall into them. His belly was against hers, his hips pressed tight against hers. She rubbed her breasts against his chest, back and forth, slowly, feeling him swelling hard against her thigh. His breath was hot on her face.  
“Our last night together…yeah Lena, wait for me please. Please.” He slid halfway down her body, then rubbed upwards hard, holding her fast in his strong arms, so she could feel how badly he wanted her. Lena gasped and wrapped one leg around him, he took it as a cue and hooked it with his arm, pressed her up against the kitchen counter and laid his hurt swollen mouth on hers, his tongue pushing into her mouth as he thrust his hips against her, rocking her against the counter. His swollen zipper rubbed hard against her groin and she cried out softly, wanting him to touch her where it ached for him, was so wet for him already. Tommy made some sound back to her, a cry or a moan or both, and her hands found his zipper as he mauled her neck with hot biting kisses, overwhelming her, overpowering her. She practically tore open his jeans to free his cock, and he pushed it against her hands, the head wet and slick with his excitement. Lena stroked him tight in her fist and he shuddered against her, pulling away from her neck as he legs trembled.  
“I want you,” he growled, his eyes blazing stormy blue. He was working her jeans off in a tearing motion now and she tried to help him but he was so desperate to get them off, and in a flash he was on his knees in front of her, kissing her other mouth with his, licking and feasting on her wet pussy like a starving man. Lena was chattering and crying with the intensity, she was trying to hold herself up on the counter, and Tommy steadied her with one hand, pulling her hips forward to get more of her in his mouth, taking her whole sex in his mouth and sucking, ending with her clit in between his tightened lips every stroke. She saw flashes of lightning as he entered her with his fingers, thick and three at once. That was it, Lena felt the explosion like an atom bomb imploding down her spine to her belly and pelvis.  
“Ah Tommy TOMMY!” She lost it, alternately pressing down on his face even more and spasming backwards against the counter. Tommy stayed down on his knees, riding it with her, the juice running across his cheek and all over his fingers as he quickly pumped her with them. When she sagged back he immediately stood up, his jeans falling around his ankles, and he thrust deep in to her, making her cry out with pain and pleasure, and he lifted her in his arms and propped her up against the counter, working fast and thrusting hard and deep inside her. She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him, tasting herself on him and kissing him more. He was groaning low in his throat, pumping her body, the counter was digging into her back but she didn’t care at all. Lena was going to come again, she could feel the heat in her backbone as he hit that spot she didn’t know she had.  
Tommy carried her to the kitchen table and lowered her down on it, never taking his cock out of her, he had her impaled and didn’t want to let go. He pinned her hips down and slammed into her, grunting and groaning, sweat pouring down his face. She looked at him, reached for his hands on her hips and clutched them, because here it came and it was a huge glorious tidal wave of ecstasy, a riptide of euphoria, hot and cold, and she saw a hundred million stars that exploded in her mind, and it was her body racking against him that sent him over the edge too.  
“Lenalena ohhh..” She opened her eyes to see Tommy shaking all over and flushed beet red.  
“Tommy..in my mouth, come in my mouth…”  
His eyes flew open at her words and his jaw dropped. Lena quickly pulled back on the table away from him and slid to her knees, taking his oh so hard ruddy cock in her mouth, she could taste both of them there, and his hands rested on her head to thrust inwards, his voice gasping and choking that he was almost there, almost there…She gripped him tight in her fist and he let loose a guttural cry, grabbing the table tight, his legs buckling as he came hard in her mouth, hot and salty on her tongue. Lena never stopped the fast, tight rhythm on him and he was breathless.  
“I can’t, I can’t”, he gasped and held her head to his hips as he sunk down to the floor, the last of the orgasm spasming through him. “Ummmmm…”  
Tommy pulled her head back gently and looked down at her with a ghost of a smile. “Damn girl, you did me in.”  
“Yes Tommy…”she sighed. “You are amazing…”  
Lena rubbed her forehead against his belly, meeting with his moist tank top, and they both remained there for a moment, trying to catch their breath.  
“I have to go..” he said finally. Lena struggled to get up, and Tommy helped her to her feet. They recovered her pants, he pulled his up. Then he scooped her up in his arms and took her upstairs, kissing her gently. “But you cannot leave, not yet.” He smiled at her, his crooked little boy grin. “If that’s OK.”  
Lena smiled back. She was so scared of how he made her feel, that she wasn’t going to have this anymore. She knew she was falling for him, and she was doomed to it if she didn’t let it all be done tonight. She caressed his banged-up face and kissed him deeply, and he was setting her down on the bed, not breaking the kiss but leaning in to it and hovering over her as he gently eased her backwards, so he could lay on top of her and run his hands up her shirt, caress her breasts through her bra, run his hands across her ribs, down her hips. She opened her legs up so he fit right in between them and she wrapped her arms around him, gently scratching his back through his damp tank. Tommy moaned and sighed, feeling his passion singing through his blood again, hot and sweet. He was going to come back and take her, again. And again.  
“I have to go…”he breathed in between kisses, “I’ll be back, I promise…”  
Lena rubbed herself against him, against his firm muscular frame. His eyes were misty and hooded. “Hurry, Tommy. Please.”


	5. A Long Night

Tommy slid his body slowly down hers, his eyes on hers. “I will.”   
He left her there in his bed, panting a little and dizzy. She decided she needed the rest of her beer, so she made her way downstairs to the kitchen. Her beer was still there, and her purse and her keys. She felt bad checking, but wasn’t entirely sure if he would borrow her car without asking or not. Just as she was about to head back upstairs, the living room door swung open and Paddy shuffled in, mumbling incoherently.  
“Goddammitfuckin took my parkin’ spot-“ he looked up and saw Lena standing there, and he looked very confused. “Who are you?” he half-yelled in surprise.  
Lena offered him a weak smile. “I’m a friend of Tommy’s.”  
“Oh.” Paddy looked non-plussed as he flopped into his recliner.  
“My name’s Lena Rossi..?” She walked over to him and extended her hand.  
“Wait, what?” Paddy took her hand and lamely held it. “Did you say Rossi? Any relation to Senna?” He peered at her in his drunken haze.  
“Yeah, she’s my mom.”Lena smiled again and took her hand back, meanwhile Paddy looked as confused as ever.  
“Well dammit, you sure look like her. Didn’t notice before…” He was drifting off, clearly out of it. “I knew your mom…she and Rita always came by the gym…wanted to help you guys out too but Senna would always give the money to Rita…” Paddy was muttering now, it was so hard to make it out. Lena watched as he fell into a snoring stupor, and after a few more pulls on her beer she started pulling off his shoes and socks. She tried to prop up his recliner and he stirred a bit. She covered him with a blanket she had found folded on the couch, and decided to pour the rest of her beer down the sink. Suddenly it wasn’t tasting very good. Lena was watching him sleep when Tommy came through the door, covered up in a hoodie, looking around furtively.   
“Hey…when did he get here,” he whispered, moving towards the recliner to look at his father.  
“Just maybe ten minutes ago..”  
Tommy turned towards her, put his cold hands on her face, then hugged her to him.  
“Did he see you? Everything OK?”  
“Yeah he saw me, he’s really out of it though..” She watched him pull off his hoodie, and noticed his knuckles were bloodied on the left hand. “Tommy!” she exclaimed, taking his hand to examine it. He yanked it back.  
“It’s nothin’, I’m fine.” Tommy headed to the kitchen and opened the fridge to get another beer. Lena was starting to lose her patience with this crap, but she knew it wasn’t supposed to be her concern after tonight. Still the worry and concern nagged her.  
“Tommy…are you in big trouble?”  
He let the fridge door swing closed but didn’t turn around to face her. “Not anymore.”  
She started to ask another question, but he turned to face her and he was not looking very happy about her concern. Lena shut down. They regarded each other for a moment, and Tommy finally cleared his throat and slowly started making his way towards her.  
“Thank you for taking care of Pop,” he said gruffly, and he took her hand in his. She looked at his face, the slope of his nose, his jawline, lush full lips, and his eyes that swallowed her in the grey-green-blue stormcloud of his emotions.   
“Tommy..” she sighed, and stood on her tiptoes and leaned against him to place gentle kisses on his cheeks, his chin, then his mouth. He closed his eyes and pressed his lips to hers, and she knew what it felt like to be consumed when he opened his mouth against hers and sucked on her lips, her tongue, nuzzling his face against hers even though it hurt him.  
“I’m taking you back to bed, Lena,” he growled in her ear. “The night ain’t over yet.”  
“Well, c’mon then,” she whispered, pulling on his arm towards the stairs.  
Up they went to the attic, and when they reached the top of the stairs Tommy offered her his beer.   
“Oh no, I’m good,” she said, and started taking her clothes off. “I just want you.”  
She got on his bed, still working her jeans off, and Tommy devoured her with his eyes as he pulled on his beer for the last time. He shut the bedroom door behind him, stalked towards her, and pulled his tank off. Lena was up on her knees so she could rub his thick neck, broad shoulders and firm chest, everywhere tattoos she wanted explained and muscles that jumped and flexed under her palms.   
“Lena,” he rasped, “you’re so beautiful.” He cupped her face in his strong wide hands, and she kissed his hands, his fingers, sucked on his thumb lasciviously, and his eyes darkened, burning with the heat of desire. His body flush was creeping back, the redness stretching from his cheeks, down his neck, across his chest. Tommy ran his hands down her neck to her breasts that he caressed softly while she played with his zipper, teased him, rubbing her face against it, forcing hot breaths through the fabric. He exhaled slowly, and when she looked up he had his head back and she could see he was smiling . She wondered how long he had gone without touch and feeling, it had to be a long time, because he certainly seemed to be finally relaxing, and reveling in it even. Well if this was their last night together, Lena decided she would make it memorable. She slowly unzipped his jeans, she could smell the citrus musk again mixed with sex and heat as she freed him, she couldn’t wait to make him hers and exert some control over him the only way she could. She pushed his jeans off and took him in her mouth, slowly using her lips and tongue to create a haptic overload in Tommy’s brain. He leaned forward, sighing and breathing out a moan. His legs were working the jeans off and down, his shoes flew off and landed with a thud on the hardwood floor of the attic. Meanwhile Lena was working him in her mouth as deeply as she could, he stretched and filled her and her jaw was aching but she didn’t care.  
“MMM no more now Lena..”he wavered above her, pulling her back. He pushed her down on the bed, and unceremoniously raised her legs upwards, bent at the knees, bound her ankles with one hand to his chest and buried himself deep inside her to the hilt. Tommy groaned low in his throat and Lena gasped and shuddered, her sore little pussy tightened around him-it was almost too much.  
“Ahh you’re so tight,”-his voice was a tight gravelly squeeze. It made her cry out all the more, trying to move but she was pinioned as he leaned forward, his dog tag sliding between her toes. Finally he started to move, and it felt so hot she almost lost the sensation as he whipsawed in and out of her, and she flexed against him, making him shake and moan in his sexy rasp. “Oh shit….”he growled.  
Lena watched him from below, watched his lean muscular body work against her, watched his expression change from cold fury to intense ecstasy, his full red mouth as he licked sweat off his lips. She reached blindly for him, she wanted him closer to her. “Tommy….Tommy..” she sighed, and he parted her legs to fall on his hands above her-the dog tag swung in her face, his sweat dripped down on her, in her eyes, he was a blur of muscles and tats as he punished her, going so slow, driving her up and down and around and around as he panted like a dying man. She reached down as far as she could to grab his round flexing ass as he ground into her, his hips were crushing against her, his pelvic bone rubbing her clit the whole time, and Lena knew she was close. She wanted to try to ride it with him this time. He pressed his mouth to hers, taking her lips and tongue in a suck, kissed her deeply, curled his fingers in her hair and held her head, making her moan and buck against him-so close now, the fire was spreading in her belly, her pelvis, her spine, goosebumps broke out all over her body, cold electricity sparked through her. She could see him watching her, waiting for it, he felt it too.  
“Come for me,” he gasped, pressing his forehead to hers, she could see how black his eyes looked now as she stared up into them, his pupils so dilated. “Come now, now, now.” His voice was commanding even when he whispered. His cock was hot and wide, welding them together, pressing deep inside her somewhere eternal and untouched, somewhere that only he had found. There was no way to stop it, she shivered so hard against him, against his mouth as he sucked the cries out of her, kissing her and riding her faster now, the bed was shaking and banging against the wall-she heard it dimly as the humming noise and feeling drowned everything out, and she was swept away to infinite blackness, the orgasm swallowed her whole and she cried in his mouth and thrashed against him, she barely felt his hands on her hips as he rode her high and hard.   
Tommy couldn’t hold on as she spasmed around him even tighter, washed him wet and hot with fluid. “Leennaaa…” he growled, and managed to pull out just in time as he lost control, bucking against her, shuddering soundlessly until the end, and he yelped one last time trying to get a breath of air, thinking dimly through it that he knew what it felt like to come so close to death from pleasure. He sunk down on top of her, and she was washed ashore of their shared ecstasy, wrapping her arms around his wet steaming body. His breaths were high-pitched sighs, he was like a heavy slippery fish on top of her.   
“Tommy…oh my God Tommy…” she couldn’t move. She could not recall a time like this ever that she had felt so satisfied and completely wrecked at the same time. She tried to move a little but he held her fast, pinning her artfully to the bed. Something he seemed good at, and she was so light anyway. He drew up a little to look at her, she was treated to a beatific crooked-toothed grin.   
“Oh no, I got you,”he rasped, “and you ain’t goin’ nowhere til I say.”  
“How come you always get to be in charge Tommy?” she asked directly, but she was grinning too. He nipped and kissed her lips, her chin, her neck.  
“Me, you’re the one who started this whole thing, I don’t know what you’re talkin’ bout..”  
She smacked his ass hard and he chuckled. “You. Are. Impossible. You kissed me first you beast.”  
Tommy looked down at her, his smile fading. His fingertips grazed her cheek, found a way into her damp hair. She could see the wall going up again, feel his sudden distance. He was just looking blankly at her now and she couldn’t tell what he was thinking.  
“Tommy,” she whispered, “don’t do that…come back to me, please.”  
“I’m here,” he said quietly. “I just…Lena I have so much to say, I don’t know how to say any of it.”  
She found his hand that was stroking her hair and grasped it, pressed it against her face, kissed his palm. His expression softened a little.  
“I want to be there when you figure it out, Tommy.” Lena’s eyes stung and she wasn’t sure if it was sweat or… “ Please don’t push me away.”  
His expression suddenly changed to disgust. “You can’t help me, Lena. You’re just a kid. You know nothing about me. And you should give up trying. Right now.” His voice was a menacing breath.  
Lena couldn’t figure out if she was angry or sad. She stared up into the empty cold rooms of his eyes. “Why? What gives you any right to tell me what the fuck to do?” She was quiet but menacing too. “I won’t fight you on this, but what is the point of anything you’re trying to accomplish if you won’t change your tactics every now and then?”  
He scoffed. “Tactics? I’m just trying to survive. Hmm? Trying to get by. Every morning I’m one step away from jumping in front of the bus instead of getting on it. Nothing means anything when you can’t feel, or sleep, or think.”  
Lena held Tommy’s angry face in her hands. He pushed her hands down and away and climbed off her. She felt bruised, sweaty, cold and exposed. She expected him to leave, but instead he pulled the sheet over her, the blanket too.   
“I’m getting a drink, do you want anything?” he asked matter-of-factly.  
Lena shook her head, and he regarded her for a second before he went downstairs stark naked. She layed there and shook her head. What the fuck am I doing here? she asked herself.


	6. One Last Time

When Tommy came back he had an almost empty bottle of Irish whisky with him. His eyes were red and wet, she couldn’t see very well as the room was so dim. He was drinking it straight out of the bottle. He caught her open stare and cast his eyes away from her, and sat down on the bed with his back turned to her.  
“I don’t sleep so good,” he mumbled. “You want a drink?” He held the bottle out to his side. Lena took it. She wanted to pour it out and pull him down to her, but she could see how quick his temper was already, she wasn’t going to push it. So she took a swallow, sputtered and coughed, gave it back to him. He was chuckling under his breath. “You know...you got balls, Lena. That’s what I really like about you.” Tommy looked back at her and now she could see for sure he had tears in his eyes. Lena reached for him, her hands caressed his back, more scars there…worse still were the scars she couldn’t see.  
Tommy polished off the bottle, set it down on the floor and switched off the lamp. Lena could not shake the initial hesitancy she first felt around him coming back, she wanted to break the uncomfortable air that clouded between them; it was there because of his shifty emotions. She wondered how he felt inside-if his displays were any indicator, he was a soul in torment.   
Tommy rounded himself into the bed, fought to share the blanket, and to her surprise wrapped her in his arms, tangled his legs with hers. Lena sighed, attempted to give up and give in for the night, forever. Her face found his in the darkness and she kissed him, his hot mouth stung hers with whisky bite. She shivered against him and he pulled the blanket around her tighter, locking her up against him.   
“What time do you have to get up?” he whispered. Lena was caressing his back, his shoulders, his neck, finally she found his face. Wet eyes, stubbly chin and jaw. He had etched his name all over her, inside her, and he was cutting on her heart too.  
“6.”  
“Mmm…me too. You think you can drop me off at Colt’s in the morning?”  
“Sure,” she said softly, and kissed him again, still caressing his face. It made her think of wild animals, tigers and the like, that tolerated humans at times, let themselves be touched and petted when all they knew was a savage world. Tommy was a tiger, a fierce fighter, and he was letting her touch him, allowing her to be close to him. Seeming to enjoy it. But still wild, untamed. She just wanted to savor the moment she had with him, she wanted him to know she was there and real.  
“It’s 3 in the morning, Lena,” he sniffed, “try to sleep…don’t you got school in the mornin’?”  
“Yeah Tommy, gym school work…all that..”  
He tenderly kissed her forehead, her eyelids. “Goodnight,” he whispered, and drew her close to his chest. She nuzzled his chest, listened to his solid drumming heart, and drifted off in sheer exhaustion.   
THREE HOURS LATER Tommy’s alarm was going off like a war bell. Tommy leaped out of bed, giving Lena her second heart attack in five minutes time. She was just rolling over and out of bed and she could hear water running in the house-Tommy was in the shower.   
“Aw fffffff….” Lena looked for her clothes, she felt so disoriented, she wasn’t sure if she had class or gym. She was sticky and needed a shower too, so she pulled Tommy’s shirt over her head and peered downstairs to see if maybe the coast was clear to join him. Everything seemed ok, so she tried to take the stairs as quietly as possible, but she couldn’t help gasping from the pain in her groin-Tommy had worked her out in places Cal hadn’t.  
She found the bathroom, door half-open, steam seeping out, and braved it, shut the door and yanked her shirt off, and pulled the flimsy grey vinyl shower curtain back. There was Tommy, water cascading over his beautiful frame, and he was scrubbing shampoo into his hair. He whipped around to look at her, startled, and got soap in his eyes.  
“Ow fuck!” he bellowed, trying to get it out while she climbed in next to him.  
“Oh Tommy, I’m so sorry-“she put her hands on his shoulders as her breasts grazed his back. He stiffened, then relaxed, working water through his eyes.  
“S’okay,” he grumbled, and she reached around him to get the shampoo, her face brushing against his hip. The water felt so good, hot, just the way she needed it. “I shoulda asked you if you wanted to go first..” he turned to face her as she kneaded the soap through her hair. Her arms were raised and the soap ran down her breasts. Tommy smiled at her, gazing at her body. His bruises and cuts glowed bright red and purple in the heat. “Buuut maybe this was better.”  
Lena grinned at him. He was adorable when he was happy. She welcomed him in her arms as he hugged her, caressed her back. He had the bar of soap in his hands and he was lathering her up, his hands moving down with the suds to her backside. She leaned her chin on his shoulder and breathed in the steam and scent of soap coming off his skin, and purred as his fingers rubbed in between her buttocks, lingering over the nethermouth there. He purred too, and bent down slowly, rubbing against her, looking in her eyes-his shone such a deep blue in the morning sun coming in through the little window in the bathroom. He rubbed her calves, her thighs, her sex-here he took his time, rubbing her back and forth with the palm of his hand. She moaned and her legs were buckling already, so worn out from the night before. Tommy gave her a crooked grin and started to rise up, soaping her as he went. Now he stood up straight and she could feel his hard cock flush against her belly.  
“What do you say, one more time for breakfast?” His dark hair was flat to his skull, his face all in a sloping beautiful smile, his lips that she could chew on for days…how could she say no?   
“Are you serious?” she said huskily, raising her leg. He spun her around so she could rinse her hair, and he positioned himself to push his way inside her. She cried out a little, it burned her, she was sore and still had to smile as he choked on his own air and huffed out a groan. He hungrily attacked her neck with his open mouth, working his body in and out of hers. She had nothing to brace herself to as he picked up speed to a fast hard rhythm, pressing her to the tile wall, hot water spraying in between their bodies.  
“Tommytommytommeeeeeee..” Lena squealed softly, scratching his arms, his chest, trying not to scream as the tiny flutter she felt in the beginning turned into a tsunami of hot wet ecstasy. Tommy set his jaw, pumping her almost angrily, she was being punished for something she thought, looking at him glaring at her with his expression of blind fury. His face was reddening, he coughed and sputtered and cried out, but his eyes never left hers. He pulled out of her and she watched his milky white jets shoot high onto her belly and hip and immediately wash away. Tommy was gasping, choking on it, staring at her through the spray of water. He dropped his head on her shoulder, struggling to breathe, and Lena was wrecked again, almost dazed completely out of reality. She held him in her arms and kissed whatever was available, shoulder, neck, ear, and they stayed like that for a moment or two, trembling and gasping.  
“We’re gonna be late,” he said finally, his voice a gravelly whisper in her ear. Lena knew he was right and shut off the water.  
“Back to the real world,” she said out loud. Tommy stood stock still for a moment, and when Lena looked at him she could see his confusion, his inner turmoil. What did he want to say, what was he thinking?  
“Hmm.” Was all he could muster, and he tore the curtain back to get the towel hanging on the wall rack. “What time are you all done tonight?”  
“I have a full day, gotta get to morning class, gym, then work. Maybe 11? Why?”  
Tommy shrugged, toweling off. “Just curious.” So nonchalant. Hmph.  
Lena narrowed her eyes. “Yeah, what about you?”  
“Colt has an expo I’m supposed to go to, trying to get a fight. Gym all day, Muay Thai class, Jiu-Jitsu class….I don’t need it but Colt thinks I got rusty or somethin’.”  
Tommy handed her the towel, looking at her finally, cautiously. She wanted to ask him why he had been crying last night, if he wanted to see her again tonight. But she took the damp towel and got to work. She would wait for him to come to her, if he ever did. She wasn’t going to chase him, just asking to get hurt. She knew how bad it hurt when rejection slapped her in the face, and she already had enough from Tommy.


	7. In Between It

Tommy darted out, and Lena toweled off by herself, quiet now, solemn. Can’t let him see what she was thinking or feeling, she was going to play this better than him. She talked to herself like a stern friend, this happened when her heart felt weak like it did now-if her spirit had knees, they were shaking, ready to give way.  
She leaped up the stairs, two at a time, the towel wrapped around her. Tommy was in the room, dressed, pulling his shoes on, and he clandestinely watched her every move as she quickly found her clothes and dressed in front of him, pretending he wasn’t there. In his dresser mirror she caught him staring, and he quickly looked away, rubbed his face, pulled on his black hoodie. Neither of them said anything. Lena tried her best to be casual but all she wanted was to love him more, tear down his false front and bury him with the surging emotions she was swallowing back.  
“Ready?” she asked him, looking back at him sitting on the bed. He gave her a stone face, but his eyes were pleading. He was going to be the death of her.  
Tommy coughed, stood up. “Yeah, yeah.”  
Paddy was still snoring away in the recliner. Tommy took one last look at him before they walked out the door into the chilly morning together. In the car, Lena turned up the radio, slipped her sunglasses on, hummed along with the music, her long dark hair still dripping a little, making her shiver. Tommy, even though he was dressed for the weather, turned up the heat in the car and chewed his toothpick down until he broke it between his teeth, trying not to look at her.   
Lena pulled up at Colt’s at 6:35, not bad through the crazy A.M. traffic, Lena being one of the crazies. Tommy was sweating under his clothes, his face was flushed when he finally looked at her. She stared at him behind her shades, thinking this was the last time they would be this close and trying so hard not to be bothered by it. Her heart was a knot in her throat. Tommy leaned in and pulled her shades down so he could see her eyes.  
“Lena…I know we’ll see each other around…I don’t want things to be…bad between us…”his voice was barely above a whisper.  
Lena smiled. “I know Tommy, I don’t either. It’s cool, I understand.”  
Her eyes betrayed her, and so did Tommy’s. But she heard Cal’s voice in her head-he did you a favor….  
“Uh, well….see you around I guess.” He had his hand on the door handle but still stared at her-was he waiting for a reaction, a sign, what? Lena was not going to give it to him.  
“Bye.” Was all she said, and finally Tommy opened the door and got out, went into Colt’s without looking back. Lena hit reverse and peeled out, kind of surprised that her little hatchback could burn rubber like that, and she felt ashamed of the spectacle she made, if only for her own sake as no one else was there to see or hear it. Except Tommy, who watched from the mirrored window, watched her drag race out of the parking lot.  
IN CLASS. Lena was having problems concentrating. Her class buddy Teresa watched her play with her paper, scribble when she should have been taking notes, click her pen over and over during a test. Finally Teresa chucked a pen cap at her. Lena looked up, as if woken up from a dream.  
“Girl what is your problem?” Teresa whispered. “Cut it out!”  
Lena smiled, her face turned beet red. “I’m sorry…”she whispered.  
Teresa looked at her sideways. “Yeah, you and me, lunch.”  
Lena nodded, grinning sheepishly. The truth was she couldn’t focus at all, and with spring break coming up she had to get her act together, or else. Crunch time. She had to hit the gym afterwards with Cal, and then she worked at Vinnie’s. Then she had homework. She needed some caffeine thinking about it all, she could feel the headache coming on, and it wasn’t just from the whisky-laden sex she had all night with Tommy, either. She realized in that moment how easily she could get side tracked, how she could get distracted from her long-term goals if she let herself get carried off in the wild waves of emotion that Tommy left her with. It was up to her to pick herself up and act like the last week had not occurred. She needed to see Cal, get a heavy dose of reality.  
IT WAS NOT LONG before she found herself back at the gym, where she had started her day. Cal was running late, much to her surprise, and she waited in the parking lot for his Ridgeline to pull up. She fought the squirming sensation she had, wanting to see if Tommy was inside, if he was with Colt, if she would see him at all.   
“Dammit,” she said to herself. “Where are you Cal?!?”  
At that moment Cal pulled in behind her and bounced out, wearing all black today. Every bit the tanned gorgeous Cal she needed to see. She got out, hauling her gym bag with her, and Cal grabbed her in his arms, smiling.  
“Goddamn, I needed to talk to you-how come you’re ignoring me?”  
Lena looked stricken. She realized she had her phone on silent all this while, and she felt terrible and shocked at the same time. “Oh sweetie I’m sorry-“  
“Ugh Lee, forget it. I feel like I haven’t seen you in years.” Cal grabbed her bag for her as they walked towards the front door of Colt’s. She looked askance, and he just waved her off. “I got that job at Kimo’s gym!!”  
Lena looked at him, puzzled. “OK, hold on, just the other day you said you didn’t want to talk about it-“  
“Yeah, I know,” he cut her off rudely, “it was the bitch receptionist there, she treated me like shit, but I met Kimo, the owner, today! Damn girl, he is FINE oh holy shit, like a Hawaiian god. He wants me to start next week!”  
Lena could not hide her disappointment. “But-Cal…what about us…”  
Cal all but pushed her towards the desk as they went inside. “Bitch please, I will still be working you like a pit bull puppy, trust and believe. You may just have to come check out Kimo’s place-“  
There was Ginger Henry smiling at them behind the desk up front. Lena rolled her eyes in exasperation, there was no way she could hide it.  
“Cal. I told you. I am not driving down there. Period. I may come check it out, but this is closer for me, with school and work and everything.”  
“What the fuck ever, Lena, I can make time!”  
“Yeah Cal, cuz that’s your new job, you better make time!!”  
They had drifted into the cardio room. It was moderately busy, and Lena couldn’t help but check for Tommy. Cal still had her gym bag, and now he unceremoniously dumped it on her.  
“Look, whatever. I will still meet you here whenever I can. See you out here in 5 minutes. I’m going to crush you today. Love you!!” Off he bounced down the hall to the men’s side, leaving Lena feeling totally abandoned.  
She made her way to the locker rooms, stuffed her bag in and locked it up, and found her way back out to the cardio room. She was stunned at the feeling of being left behind twice in one day.  
Cal came up behind her and grabbed her by the shoulders, making her jump and cry out. “Wow, Lee, are you alright?”  
Lena turned around and looked up at him. He saw it all there in her eyes. He frowned.  
“Lena. What did I tell you?”  
Lena’s bottom lip quivered, and she felt really pissed suddenly. “Fuck you very much Cal, I didn’t need you dropping out the bottom on me today.”  
‘Lee. I told you to forget him, didn’t I? Did you give him back his shit?”  
Lena nodded, but her eyes were full of wet fury. “Cal. I can’t go downtown every other day, and work and school. What the fuck am I going to do?”  
Cal looked away and to the side. He chewed his lip. “Listen, I got an idea. Let me talk to Colt. He grants special permission to certain members to use the gym 24 hours-“  
“Yeah, his fighters!”  
“Nooo, he offered it to me when I came up here before he opened it officially…I’m pretty sure we can still do this, just maybe later at night.”  
Lena didn’t like this idea any better than she liked him getting a job in another gym. Over head the DJ was blaring A Perfect Circle – ‘Desperate and ravenous, so weak and powerless, desperate and ravenous, so weak and powerless, over you…’ All Lena could think about was working up a sweat. She didn’t want to think anymore, she didn’t want to feel. She wanted the punishment and reward only pushing her limits of physical exertion could give.  
CAL pushed and pushed her until she thought she was going to fall down, but he couldn’t get her to crack. He knew she was disturbed inwardly, her normal confidence wavered, and she was so quiet. Then she staggered to the shower to get cleaned up so could get ready for work. No sign of Tommy, and she was OK with that. She realized she was going to have to go it alone, at least part of the way, and it scared her. She had always had Cal. Why was this bothering her so badly? Wasn’t it just the gym?  
Lena walked out in her work clothes, suddenly a consummate professional. Cal was waiting for her in the hall, and he took a long look at his childhood friend and saw how much older she looked tonight, and still so beautiful.  
“Damn Lena,” he said in his deep baritone, “you should be glad I’m gay, otherwise I’d ravish you right here.” His voice carried in the hallway and people turned to stare.  
Lena knitted her brow and she was irritated with him. She was tired, so tired. Her normal self had been compromised a long time ago already that day.  
“You look like a doll, a porcelain doll.”  
Lena cursed him under her breath, pinched his rock-hard ass hard as she could.  
“Cal, please. You’re embarrassing me.”  
Together they stepped out in the darkening evening. Lena was going to be late if she didn’t hustle, but Cal caught her by the waist and leaned her up against the car.  
“Lena, listen to me. I love you very much. I am here for you when you decide to talk. I’m getting this job, but it doesn’t mean the end of us. OK?” He rubbed her shoulders. “I promise to make time for you. The job doesn’t start til after next week anyway, after I get Mom’s test results. You still coming to the doc with us?”  
Lena fought back hot tears. “Of course Cal-“  
“OK good. Cuz I need you, Lee. Can’t do this shit without you. So don’t disappear from me either. Stay away from him. You know who.”  
Lena hugged him. She loved him, needed him too. She still was checking her e-mail, skype, anything, waiting for something from David, and Cal had never changed, never not been there. Cal was like her brother, she had to confront the feelings of jealously and abandonment she had felt earlier, deal with it, own it. He was doing something to better himself, in the field he was studying. She had no real reason to feel upset by it except for her own personal selfish reasons.  
“I’m not going anywhere, I’ll be there at the doc with you and Rita. I love you too Cal.” She stood up on her tiptoes in her heels and kissed his cheek. “I gotta go babe.”  
Cal kissed her forehead and let her go. “OK. Have a good night, don’t work too hard, and if Vinnie wants to let you go early take his offer so you can get your homework done tonight!!”  
Lena saluted him. “Siryessir!” She ducked into the hatchback and took off. She really needed that caffeine now.


	8. Another Surprise...

IT WAS 9:45 at Vinnie’s now. It had been a busy Thursday night, lots of regulars draining the bar and eating Vinnie’s house special for the night- eggplant parmesan. Lena had gotten into a plate of it with Butch in the back, and it was like heaven in her mouth. She and Butch washed it back with a half-bottle of red wine and she was out on the floor again, taking care of guests, helping the bartender, bussing a table or two, running the cash in the front. The red wine hit her high on her chin as she strutted in her heels around the restaurant, feeling numb and slaphappy. She hung out with the new bartender, who was an adorable dark-haired boy named Louis. Everyone swore he had to be gay. Lena found out that night that he was devoted to his long-distance girlfriend in Bangor, Maine. He was cute and flirty with Lena, and she could tell the difference between real and play. However, the other girls working did not, and she got her fair share of catty glances.  
It was 10:15, and Lena was still a little high from the red wine she had drank with Butch in the back, and she was ready to put up the close sign when she saw Colt outside, approaching the front doors of the restaurant. She stopped for a moment, so he could see her, and she held up the closed sign with a smile through the glass. Colt laughed, put his arms up in the air.  
“C’mon Lena, not even for an old friend?”  
Lena opened the door for him, and he looked her up and down. “Damn girl, Body by Cal workin’ for ya huh?”  
“Oh Jeeeesus!!” she hugged him tight and he laughed out loud. “More like body by Colt! Your new gym is the place to be.” She was getting ready to lock the door behind him-people could leave but not come in. Colt held his hand up.  
“No, I got someone with me…if he can get in here already.” Colt looked out the door to the sidewalk, and of course, she could see Tommy heading their way. Lena hissed under her breath.  
“Would you like the bar or a table sir?” She plastered on her fake smile. Colt looked at her sideways.  
“Hmmm. Bar. I need to talk to your Uncle Vinnie. He in here tonight?”  
Lena winked at Colt as the door opened. With a rush of cool outside air Tommy was inside, wearing a button-up dark blue shirt, black slacks and a leather jacket. He had shaved, his bruises looked better. In total he staggered her with how well he cleaned up. She turned her head slightly to peek at him, met his stealthy eyes peering back at her, then away. His dark hair was combed, not the usual unruly look he had. He was gloriously tidy and his every feature was apparent to her, to the point that she couldn’t catch her breath suddenly. And neither one had even said hello to each other.  
Lena tore every part of herself away from Tommy, and fixated her attention on Colt, who was watching her with a half-cocked brow.  
“Vinnie’s here by the register, we’re getting ready to shut it down.”  
Lena and Colt walked side by side, Tommy trailing slowly behind, looking all around at the place, watching Lena’s legs in the high heels she was wearing.  
“Yeah I know, I wanted to wait til this late, I gotta chat him up, without any interruptions.”  
“OK, I gotcha Uncle Colt.” She smiled and walked around and behind the bar. “Before I go in the back is there anything you gentlemen would like to drink?”  
Colt smiled at her. “I would like a Crown and coke, Tommy can’t have booze but anything else is OK.”  
Tommy sat at the bar, his eyes hooded storms. He stole a glance at her and grumbled, “I don’t need nothin’, thanks.”   
Lena poured Colt a double and went to find her uncle in the back. She knew she was going to have to take over for him in the office, when she really wanted to snoop and find out what Colt needed to talk to Vinnie about. Why was Tommy there too? Maybe that expo was in his favor… oh well maybe Vinnie would tell her later….  
When she told Vinnie that Colt was waiting for him he wasted no time getting out to the bar. She tried to hurry, but the servers kept coming in with their cash and credit slips. By the time she figured out how much time had passed Vinnie was standing in the doorway, rubbing his temples, half-smiling at her.  
“Lee, lookatcha, you got it all done. Thanks kid.”  
Lena couldn’t stand it. “Unc, what was that all about? And OK I know I’m not supposed to ask but-“  
“No actually kid, I was gonna ask you what you thought if we sponsored a fighter, do you think it would help or harm our business?”  
Lena paused for a moment….our business? “Ummm I don’t know Uncle V, what kind of fight? MMA?”  
Vinnie laughed. “Yeah kid, I would be all for boxing but all the greats are dead or retired! So what do you think?”  
“Wait, Unc, you kicking in money for this, really?”  
Vinnie looked at her, nodding slowly. “Yeah, you know Colt and I, we’re friends. You know that. And he’s trying to help out that Riordan kid-that family, oh boy.” Vinnie shook his head ruefully. “I think he’s got a good shot though. Like betting on a horse. I got a good feeling about it. What do you think Lee, will it help or hurt? I’m trying to run this place with some class.”  
Lena just stared for a moment. “Yeah but Uncle V, how much we talking?”  
Vince sighed, rubbing his temples again. “There’s an entry fees and training…I mean I’m not paying all of it, but Colt needs some help, he just opened that new place you go to with Callum. We get advertising, free tickets and then our money back if that Riordan kid wins the tournament in six months. Ten thou.”  
Lena was slack-jawed. It all fit together in her mind but her heart was pumping like a racehorse’s after the starting shot. She wanted to say yes, she had seen Tommy in action, maybe not recently in the ring, but…no mistaking his capabilities, and his resolve, he would succeed, she knew that. But this meant more contact when she was trying to keep her distance, more chances to see each other. What could she say?  
“I think it’s a good investment. I think the advertising will help us and we will be able to expand the building out next year like you want.” Lena’s face was a blank slate. “Advertising is never a bad thing.”  
“Ok, well you sound convinced but you sure don’t look it kid. I’m gonna do it, I just wanted to know what you thought. Miss Business Major.” Vinnie winked at her. “It’s your birthday in a few days, I’m goin out of town. I gotta get all the papers signed by tomorrow night. You sure you can handle everything else kid? Butch is gonna be here to help you…”  
“Yeah of course. Sure Uncle V, don’t you worry.” Vinnie watched her face change, her eyes get soft and real and human again. She smiled at him. “Hey I got all this stuff done here, you’re ready for tomorrow morning. Let’s get out of here, I’m beat.” She stood up and Vinnie hugged her.  
“You know I love ya kid.”  
“I know. I love you too Unc.”  
Lena and Butch walked out to the back parking lot together while Vince locked the doors up tight and set the alarm. Vince and Butch were chatting about the fights excitedly, Butch thrilled because he could take his 13-year-old son with him on nights when he wasn’t working. Only Lena never really said much, she felt disturbed and exhausted, and still had three chapters for her Economics class waiting for her at her apartment.  
“Goodnight guys!” she called, unlocking her door and getting ready to slide in, when suddenly Butch was on her car, grabbing something off her front window.  
“Hey, whaddafuck Lena, you blind or what?” He had a long-stem red rose in his hand. “And lookie here, a love letter too. Do I get to read it out loud, huh?”  
“BUTCH!” she yelled and had to jump in the air to grab it from him. “Give it to me dammit!!”  
Butch gave in, laughing. “Tell me about it tomorrow, Lee-nuts!! See you tomorrow!” And he climbed in his little Ford Escort to zoom off into the night.   
Vinnie approached Lena, smiling. “Well kid, looks like you made an impression on someone. Love ya, thanks for your help and advice tonight.” He kissed her head and headed to his car to leave. Once inside her car she found a piece of paper wrapped tight around the stem of the rose, and as much as she wanted to read it right away she knew Vinnie wasn’t going to leave until she did.  
She had to wait and wait, the whole long 12 minute long ride home to her apartment. She tore into her parking spot, anxious to get inside to read. When she reached into her coat she found another piece of paper in her jacket pocket, something she had forgotten about til she looked at it now under the dull light in her parking lot….it was the autograph she had requested from Tommy, and some of the scrawl she made out was… ‘if I am inclined to doubt, steady my faith- if I am tempted, make me strong to resist- if I should miss the mark, give me courage to try again.’ She recognized it as the prayer she heard her brother saying at night months before he went to basic. She breathed a heavy sigh, bearing the weight of David’s absence and Tommy’s words, and made her way up the stairs to her apartment. Once inside she pulled her wine bottle out of the fridge and sat at the table with the letter she knew could only be Tommy’s.


	9. A Letter, A Missing Man

Dear Lena,  
Not sure how to say what I need to say, so I’ll just start by saying I’m sorry. I want to tell you everything but I just can’t deal with it all anyway. I can tell you really care about me and I wish I could make sense to you but you should be glad to be away from me, I’m not a real person anymore, I should have things in order, but I just can’t find my way out of jail even though I’ve been out long enough now. You’re so sweet and so young, I feel like I’m going to run you into the ground with everything that’s going on in my life. You deserve better. That last night we were together was something I never wanted to end, but I know it’s the right thing to do to let you go. You should know I think about you all the time, every day. I want to see you and call you, but it would mean your destruction. I feel like I owe you more of an explanation. Maybe someday I will, if you still care by then. I hope you can forgive me. I really want more of you, but I will ruin you. I hope you understand.  
Love,   
Tommy  
Lena sat at her kitchen table, thick wet tears sliding down her cheeks. Her wine was gone. She knew she had homework but she didn’t really give a fuck at this point. She dug her phone out of her purse and scrolled through her address book until she found Tommy’s number. Nothing more she wanted than to call him, hear his voice. Her throat squeezed out a sob, she was at war with herself at that moment, sitting frozen to her study table in the stillness of her dark empty apartment. How could he be so sure of something, when it existed only in his head? Real enough to him maybe, but meaningless to her in her overwhelming waves of sadness and empathy for him.   
Lena was done with the crying, she needed to see him. She hit ‘CALL’ on her phone display, listened to the ringing….and got Tommy’s voicemail. She half-growled, half-yelled in frustration. What had she expected? He was done, for his own reasons, but he had made it clear. She stood up and chucked her wine bottle in the trash, grabbed her Applied Economics book out of her backpack, threw it on the table, and went to her room to change out of her suddenly very uncomfortable work clothes.  
It was around 12:30 that her phone started to ring again, and she thought maybe it was Cal with another biology question. He had already called twice, making her jump and have a heart attack hoping it was Tommy. But the display read UNKNOWN and Lena wasn’t sure if she wanted to answer or not. Usually those were not good calls to get.  
“Hello?”  
“Lena, it’s Tommy.”  
“What?!” she was shocked. ‘Wha-“  
“Listen…I’m sorry to bug you, but I got no one else. Pop is missing and I can’t reach Colt-“  
“What’s going on Tommy?”  
Heavy sigh. “I got into a fight at the VFW…I was lookin’ for Pop….stupid fuckin’ Army brat started running his mouth and….Lena can you come bail me out? Please..I got no one else to ask otherwise I wouldn’t have called you…”  
Lena took in a deep breath. “Yeah, sure. Where are you?”  
“I’m in the Zone 4 building, on Northumberland street. It’s gonna be like $150 bucks, I can get it back to you tomorrow-“  
“It’s OK Tommy. I’m on my way.”  
Lena was in boyshorts and a tank, no way could she leave wearing that. She yanked on her jeans, found her sandals and slipped on a zip-up hoodie as she headed out the door. She still had makeup and perfume on from her work shift, not that it really mattered, but she wasn’t going to be looking like shit at the police station.  
At the police station she ran into an old friend there, someone she went to high school with and had now become a cop, and he was pretty damn cute, dark hair, dark eyes, black Irish…if she hadn’t seen his name on his lapel she may never had remembered it. They were standing there in the lobby, chatting, and he passed her his number at one point. Lena had already signed the bond papers and was waiting with the bondsman for Tommy to be released. She was grateful she had run into Officer Mahoney, she may have fallen asleep otherwise.  
A buzzer sounded somewhere and a door opened, and Tommy hustled out, head down. Lena made her way towards him, excusing herself from her company. The bondsman immediately handed Tommy papers to sign, and then explained to Lena and Tommy the rules by which they were now bound. Officer Mahoney walked up to Tommy slowly, staring at him.  
“Hey, hey I know you…you’re Tommy Riordan!”  
Tommy looked up at him, looked down, then looked at him again. “Yeah. That’s me.”  
Mahoney ripped a piece of paper off his pad of paper and offered it to Tommy. “Would you mind signing this? Autographing it I mean..”  
Tommy took it from him and looked at it. “Sure. It’s not a ticket right?” He smiled a little. Wow, Lena thought, assault charges and all, he can still crack a joke.  
“No sir, no ticket.” Mahoney looked nervous and exhilarated. “Wow I watched you in that tournament…you were incredible.”  
Tommy handed Mahoney the paper. “I hope to start back up again soon.”  
“Really? That’s great man, thanks for the autograph!”  
Tommy nodded at him, then turned to Lena. “You ready?” Lena looked at his face. No new cuts or bruises. Just the same beautifully handsome rugged Tommy, his eyes cold and glazed over with apparent indifference.  
Mahoney looked at Lena, then Tommy. “Uh, um, well, have a good night then…” He suddenly hoped Lena didn’t call him. Tommy eyed him warily as they passed.  
“I’ll call you sometime, have a good night,” Lena said as she passed, waving at the cop.  
Outside Tommy looked at her coldly. “Well you don’t waste time do you?”  
Lena looked at him, feeling the slap of his comment but trying not to show her reaction. “We went to high school together. What’s it to you anyway?” Her voice was way more hateful than she wanted it to sound.   
Tommy got in her car without another word. Lena started the car, thinking she was not going to say another word either. After a few blocks, Tommy finally cleared his throat.  
“Thank you Lena, sorry I had to bother you.” He fidgeted in his seat. She could see his knuckles split open again, both hands. He was still dressed in the clothes she had seen him in earlier that night. He still looked hot, a little disheveled, but hot.  
Lena gave him a look that he avoided. “Tommy…I got your letter. I do understand. But I just want you to know I don’t care what you say. You have your opinion and I have mine. However I will respect your wishes.” Her voice gave away nothing.Tommy fidgeted some more, looked out the passenger window. Lena had never wanted to kiss him so badly. He rubbed his eyes and sniffed.  
“Lena can you drop me off at O’Dowd’s please, I still don’t know where Pop is…”  
“You sure he’s not home now? We can pass the house-“  
“Yeah, you sure I’m not keeping you?” He looked over and she could see his eyes wet, shiny in the passing streetlights.  
“No, Tommy, it’s OK. I’m skipping my microeconomics class tomorrow.”  
He shook his head. “Lena don’t miss your class, you should just go home…just drop me off right here, it’s OK-“  
“Tommy,” she whispered, grabbing his hand, oozing knuckles and all. “Please shut up.”  
Tommy looked at her out the corner of his eye, and he let his head fall back on the headrest with a sigh. He didn’t take his hand away, and he stopped fidgeting. Lena slowed down by his house, but no sign of Paddy’s car. Tommy let out another heaving sigh.  
“One day he’s not coming back…this whole thing is my fault.” His voice was gruff and muted.  
“How is it your fault, Tommy, you aren’t making him drink-“  
“Oh yes I am,” he rasped. “I sent him over the edge during the tournament, and he hasn’t been right since…I have to live with that too. Gotta take care of him. Gonna end up like him if I don’t get some fights soon.”  
Lena squeezed Tommy’s hand, and this time he took it away. He would not look at her.   
“Can you get him to rehab or something-“  
Tommy dismissed it. “No, tried that…me and Brendan, my brother, we put him in two different places… well Brendan did it really. But then Pop flipped out on him, won’t speak to him, no more rehab for Pop. Brendan barely calls me, I don’t want his pity anyway. Some things never change. He has kids and shit, me, what do I got? Pop.” He laughed bitterly, shook his head.  
Lena looked at him sadly. Tommy took her hand again without looking at her, twisting his fingers up with hers.  
“Thank you Lena, like I said you just drop me off at O’Dowd’s, I’ll figure the rest out.”  
Lena shook her head slowly. “Can’t do that Tommy. Gonna help you whether you like it or not.”  
Tommy growled in his throat. “This ain’t your problem, Lena. School is your problem, working is your problem. This is what I was trying to stop from happening.”  
“Tommy, it’s late, and I’m too tired to argue with you. You’re in my car, it’s my rules.” He slid his eyes her way, eyebrow cocked. “For now at least.”  
Tommy smirked a little. “Lena…you’re a little crazy huh?”  
“Obviously,” she deadpanned. “Aren’t we all though…” She was coming up on O’Dowd’s, another little Irish joint that was always full of old retired buzzards, vets, factory workers. They liked keeping the riff raff out, but they had plenty of their own scrappy gents that pissed each other off in there anyway. She pulled around back since she didn’t see Paddy’s car outside the front, but it wasn’t out back either. She stopped in the back lot and looked at Tommy. He was rubbing his face, his eyes, sighing.  
“Tell me what happened tonight at the VFW Tommy?”  
He shook his head. “Simple. Idiot Army kid just got out of the service and was up there running his mouth to Joe, the bartender. Wanted free drinks. Joe wasn’t havin’ it. I got there just when this kid was pullin’ Joe across the bar by his collar. I was just lookin’ for my Pop and got an assault charge instead.” He chuckled. “I popped that kid once and he was out cold… I didn’t really want to though. Things kinda got out of control. Oh well don’t fuck with my friends right?” He grinned his crooked grin at her.  
Lena closed her eyes and sighed. “Well Tommy, if you can avoid shit like that it would be great. My uncle is gonna be putting money out for you, make it worth his time please?”  
Tommy was so quiet suddenly. Lena didn’t really want to sound like a bitch, but it was her uncle, his business. She knew if Vinnie found out about this he wouldn’t be signing any papers tomorrow.  
“Yeah. Sure.” His voice was flat and cold with a blank stare to match.  
“So where to now?” Lena pulled out of the back lot and out to the street. Tommy didn’t say anything for minute as she drove the boulevard. “There’s another tavern over on Bedford, wanna try there?”  
“Mmm.”was all he could say. He still didn’t let go of her hand.


	10. Can't Stay Away

They combed Bedford, passed all the little pubs that they could think of that were close to Paddy’s home. Then Lena drove through the neighborhood, past Paddy’s dark townhome. No Paddy to be seen. Tommy was ready to crawl out of his skin. The clock on the dash read 2:15 AM, and Lena was stifling yawn after yawn.  
“Listen, Tommy, why don’t we head over to my apartment, we can call the hospitals…”she yawned again, “Jesus I’m sorry…someone kept me up late last night.”  
Tommy looked at her pointedly, saw the grin spreading out on her face. He had to smile too. “Maybe I should just go home, you know, wait for him to come home…”  
Lena nodded. “OK, just sayin’, if you don’t want to be alone…you can crash on my couch and I can take you home in the morning.” She pointed her finger at him. “No hanky panky.”  
“OK, OK!” Tommy’s hands went up, but he was smiling. “No hanky panky, what’s that mean? Why you pointin’ at me like I’m the bad guy?” He snickered, but then looked very serious. “I already told you, Lena-“  
Lena cut him off. “Yeah yeah Tommy, you did. A lot. I gotta get home I’m ready to nod off behind the wheel here-“  
“You want me to drive?” He asked a little too eagerly. Lena knew she made him even more nervous with her rally driving.  
“No, we got four blocks, I think we can both handle that, yeah?”  
“Sure,” he said, sounding not so sure. “You just drive like shit Lena.” He gave her a sideways grin and Lena burst out laughing.  
“You know Tommy you’re a really funny guy, you just have to relax. How can that happen?”  
“Uhhmmm…I don’t know, I don’t think I know how.” He looked down in his lap, playing with her hand that he was holding again, tracing her fingertips and running his skin against her nails. “I don’t feel like myself, I guess. Unless I’m with you.”  
Lena held her breath. She had turned into her apartment parking lot, and she suddenly didn’t think this was a good idea. She knew she couldn’t keep her hands off him, even if it was on pain of death she would still kiss him, hug him to her, all she could think about was how much pain he was in and how badly she wanted to relieve it… the truth was, he washed her own anxiety and pain away, just his presence eased her own suffering, he excited her, and he also warded her away with the cold steel shell he escaped into to protect himself.  
Tommy was still on edge. Lena led him upstairs to her apartment, where she was sure there was whisky and coffee, and room on the couch for him amidst her backpack and gym bag and God-knows-what-else. He was quiet as he surveyed her living room/kitchen, went to her bookcase and searched it, did the same with her CD/DVD rack. Lena slipped off her sandals and pulled all her stuff off the couch, and looked up to see Tommy standing in her living room, staring at her. She stopped and looked back, not sure what he was going to do or say.  
“Thank you again…for tonight.” He laughed. “I keep sayin’ I’m gonna leave you alone, but…” he stepped back a little as Lena approached him, “I can’t seem to do that.”  
“Tommy…” she smoothed his wrinkled shirt flat against his chest, almost petting him, caressing his arms and looking into his eyes that shone aquamarine in her lamplight. “I wish you would try to relax-“  
“I told you Lena, don’t know how. I’ve been fighting since I was a kid. Don’t know how to do much else.” Tommy grabbed her hands and held them still against his chest. He was shifting from foot to foot ever so slightly, he looked cornered. Lena decided she wasn’t going to push him.  
“I understand…do you want the phone book, call a few hospitals?”  
Tommy shrugged. “Guess so, there’s only a few around he could be at, I don’t know…”  
Lena smiled weakly. “Maybe he’s somewhere in his car, pulled over to sleep it off.” She turned around and headed for her kitchen, she had a phone book in a drawer somewhere.  
“Lena..” he half-heartedly followed her. “Maybe you should go to bed, I can handle this y’know.”  
Lena waved her hand at him. “I know you can Tommy…you want a drink, water, coffee…whisky?” She pointed upwards to the top of the fridge, where a bottle half-full bottle of Jameson stood. Tommy loped into the kitchen as she started looking through the phonebook for hospitals nearby. He soundlessly mixed the whisky with water as she called UPMC Mercy, then West Penn -no Patrick Conlon in the E.R. or admitted. She called a few more, but she knew she was stretching too far out of the neighborhood and further from any answers  
Tommy was behind her in the dimly lit kitchen as she stood, slouched over the counter with her phone book. He was drinking all her whisky, and she was pretending not to notice; she closed the phone book and turned to see him filling his empty glass with water now and slamming it like a shot.  
He eyed her with uncertainty. “I’m not supposed to be drinking, and I don’t fucking care," he said with finality.  
Lena nodded and headed to the living room. “It’s been a long night, Tommy. I think we’ve struck out, so let’s get some rest…we can try calling again tomorrow-“  
“No. You don’t have to do anything else, Lena,” he said quietly."You've done more than enough." His look of almost-disgust was back. She wasn’t sure she could handle this mood swing at the moment, and she threw a blanket on the couch and stretched and yawned. Tommy watched her, eyes a blank slate.  
"I'm just trying to help Tommy." She walked towards him and he stared her down, looking distraught again. "You can have the couch, or you can join me. It's up to you."  
Tommy was wringing his hands, unsure of anything. "Don't know if I can sleep, Lena," and his voice was cracking.Lena slid her arms up his shoulders to wrap around his neck. At first he wouldn't move, just stood frozen there against her-she wasn't going to back down. Finally, finally, he curved inwards against her and slipped his arms around her in a tight hug. He took in a deep breath and exhaled slowly-the whisky hit his bloodstream and his knees felt like jello suddenly, buckled a little and he wavered. Lena steadied him, pulled back and looked up into his face and saw it was drawn with pain.  
"Are you OK?"  
He tried to smile."Yeah, maybe Colt was right...I had four hours of non-stop training today, my legs are sore, my shoulder hurts..."  
Lena caressed his left shoulder, and he winced. "I think you're a little more tired than what you think you are. Come with me." She led him to her bedroom and left the door open just enough so some of the light from the other room filtered through. Tommy just stood there in the dark while she stripped back down to her boy shorts, and started unbuttoning his shirt, pulled it off him, tugged at his tank to try to get it over his head.  
"Lena..."he whispered.  
"Shh," she touched his lips, they felt like hot soft pillows under her fingertips,"Please trust me. You can leave your undies on,"she softly giggled, and sat on the bed facing him as he hiked his slacks off, and she could see his bodily reaction to her in all its glory, full in his boxer briefs, stretching them tight. She stood, brushing against him oh so lightly, and pushed him towards the bed. "Lay down. Please. Face down."  
Tommy made some sound low in his throat, and got in her bed, adjusting himself so he could be somewhat comfortable. Lena reached into her dresser drawer and found the eucalyptus/menthol massage oil for sore stiff muscles that she used on herself sometimes-it helped, and it heated up with friction. She slowly straddled him, and relaxed til she sat lightly on his butt, her sex pressed against him. He took in a breath, and she rubbed some oil on her hands to start to work on him, rubbing slowly up and down along all the exposed skin of his entire back to spread it around, then began at his shoulders, gently with the left, and worked along his traps, his neck, between his shoulderblades, lower, lower, taking her time with him, kneading deep and slow, making him moan and sigh. She wriggled down his legs and started rubbing those too.  
"Oh my God,"he said out loud in his deep rough voice, making her laugh. "Oh that feels so good."  
Lena worked down from his thighs, hamstrings, calves, shins,all the way to his ankles and feet. Tommy shivered, his voice a long vibration through her bed as he moaned happily into her pillow. She worked back up, kneaded on his butt with her knuckles and the heels of her hands, then rubbed back up til she was at the beginning again. His skin was dry by now, the oil had absorbed and was hot on his skin, soaking into his muscle tissue.  
"Flip over Tommy." Lena's voice was authoritative, and Tommy did as he was told, flopped over in her bed, making it creak and rock as he was totally relaxed at this point and heavy with alcohol. She straddled his hips, careful not to exert any weight on him, and rubbed his left shoulder with both hands, down the length of his entire arm even to his hand, kneaded inside the armpit and rubbed the ribs there. Tommy sighed loudly, she didn't want to hurt him and was hoping he would clue her in if she had-but he seemed far gone and out in ecstasy. She couldn't make out his face though, he kept burying it into a pillow. So she worked on his right side the same way, and then rubbed his chest, his pecs, his ribcage. He was hardening again, she could feel him growing and swelling up against her.  
"Lena,"he growled, and grabbed her hands. "Thank you so much, so much...you're incredible, but come lay down, please...you have to be so tired."  
She rubbed his chest in a loving caress, leaned over on him til her hair was tickling his face. "Tommy...I don't know how I'm going to pretend that I don't want to touch you all the time, kiss you...be with you. I can't..."  
Tommy pulled her down to him. "You have to trust me...I can't do anything but bring you down." His voice was tight, and she swore he was choking back a sob. "I don't know how to love you."  
Lena pressed her lips to his, his lovely full mouth already opened and gasping, and she sucked the air right out of him. His hands ran down her sides to her ass, and he dug his fingers in, pushing her against his hips to grind on him. His moan was a half-cry, half-sob against her lips and tongue, and she cupped his face with her hot palms, dry now but getting wet with the tears that streamed out of the corners of his eyes.  
Tommy broke the kiss, pulling her back."Lena, I don't deserve you." His voice was a almost a yell. Lena was rotating her hips on him, up and down the length of him, and her moisture was making him wet. "And this isn't fair..."  
Lena pulled her tank off and took his hands to her breasts. "Touch me, Tommy...I need you..."  
His callused palms squeezed and caressed her, and she threw her head back, sighing, her nipples like hard beads in his hands and fingers. She was hurting inside she wanted him so badly. She started pulling at her undies, yanked them off, broke away from him to yank his off too. Tommy was starting to sit up but Lena pushed him, one hand flat on his chest, and sat astride him again, quickly negotiating his entrance to her body, the wet hungry mouth between her legs that swallowed his cock deep inside. They both moaned loudly, and Tommy, still sitting up halfway, nuzzled his face in between her breasts, his wet mouth kissing and suckling and nibbling her everywhere. Lena ran her nails into and through his hair, kissing the top of his head, locking her legs around him and pushing off the bed with her toes to ride up and down the wide pole that he was inside of her. Slowly, almost agonizingly, she ground him to the bed, their gasps and cries rising together in the near-darkness. Her body was fluid with the energy pulsating and coursing between them. Tommy leaned back on his hands, and Lena drew up in a crouch against him, falling on him and kissing his face, his neck and chest, his dog tag tangled in her lips as she rode him harder and faster, tight like a vise around him. She felt the heat, the freezing heat spreading through her face, neck, shoulders and back, and she held her breath as it took her in a wild explosion of color and light behind her eyes; she whispered a scream as it ripped through her belly, burst inside her pelvis and raced down her legs so her toes curled against his legs. She was lost and adrift, and Tommy, with one hand on her back, flipped her, was still inside her, and was on top now- he lifted up on his elbows and rammed her down beneath him, his hips like machine gun fire. His breath blew fast on her face and she arched her body until she was braced against him, crying "yesTommyyesyeesss!!!" His onslaught rocked the bed, her brass headboard racked loudly against the wall as she was filled hard over and over with his cock- she couldn't breathe, just one cry after the other. How she could want him so badly still while having him there already was a sensation she wondered about later. Her orgasm surged again, high and hard waves of mind-numbing ecstasy, and she writhed against him, clawed at his back unwittingly-she was a wet hot mess beneath him, crying his name in his ear. He cried out unintelligibly back to her, and the wave hit him now too, he could barely stop to pull out and lose his mind in the drowning spasms that shot hot and high all over her. She reached for him, wrapped her hand around his orgasming cock to stroke him, making him gasp, got her hand all wet and held him there until it eased to almost nothing. Tommy was up on his hands, his wet head hung down, he was wet with sweat and panting, shaking all over. Lena skittered out from under him, tried to stand up and almost fell over. She used the wall to help her struggle to the bathroom for a towel, and she dried herself on the stagger back to the bedroom, where Tommy layed on his back in her bed, the moonlight from the window lighting the room just enough for her to take in the sight of his lean muscular frame there, wet and gasping like a fish out of water.


	11. Chapter 11: In Between Crises

Lena rubbed him down with the towel, kissing him as she went, his neck, chest, stomach, hips-Tommy sighed, stoned off his ass. She threw the towel on the floor and fell in beside him, and he pulled her up to him close, so he could kiss her again, play with her hair. He rolled on his side, pushing her onto hers, and she drew closer to him, and began to simmer from the intense body heat he was still throwing off. “Mmm…” she hummed in her throat, her face found his neck, and his chest hair tickled her skin as she nuzzled up against him. But she couldn’t for much longer, her eyes were weighted with bricks, and closed against her will. Sleep had come at last.  
WHEN SHE WOKE, the sun was streaming through her bedroom window, there was a phone or alarm or something going off-it was 8AM, and she was alone in her totaled bed. No Tommy.  
Lena dragged her ass out of bed to find her phone, which was going off like crazy in her purse. Tommy had cleared out on her. She swiped her screen without looking to see who it was.  
"Hello."  
"Fuck Lena, why aren't you here?" It was Cal, and he was outraged.  
"Good morning. Yeah I'm not feeling so hot." And that was the truth, self-inflicted or not.  
"Uh-huh. What a bunch of shit, I was going to go by your apartment this morning but I was running late...are you OK?"  
'Oh yeah, just....not feeling very well, maybe have a fever." She wrapped herself in the blanket from the couch and fell on it. "Cal, can you stop by my class and get some notes from Teresa, please? I don't want to fail the stupid class-"  
"Sure, consider it done. I'll stop by on my way back, gotta go Peaches!!" He hung up on her and she immediately started drifting back out again, until it rang again.  
"Yes,"she mumbled.  
"Lena." Tommy's voice sounded panicked. Lena sat up like a shot.  
"Tommy, where are you?"  
"Police station. Pop wrecked last night, didn't hurt anyone, car's impounded. They're not letting him go, this is his last D.U.I. They're taking his license for sure." His breath escaped in a huff.  
"Oh shit. Tommy. Oh shit. So he's not getting out?"  
"Not until his arraignment. Couple days. You go to school?"  
"No, and when the hell did you leave? I didn't hear you at all."  
Tommy laughed quietly. "I think it was 5 or 6 when I got the call. You were out, I wasn't gonna wake you. I left something for you on the kitchen table, you get it?"  
Lena sat up and gingerly made her way to her study table. There was a bagel on the table with a rose stuck through it, and now she could smell fresh coffee that he had brewed in the kitchen too.  
"Wow." Lena was stunned, even though he was totally stressed out he still took the time to do this for her. She stared at the rose for a moment and wondered what this meant exactly, but didn't ask. Maybe it was the back rub. "Tommy...thank you, so much. Coffee too, oh my God..."  
She could hear his smile. "I knew you were gonna need it. I gotta go, I was supposed to be at Colt's a while ago."  
"Shit Tommy, how are you getting there? Which station you at, I'll come get you."  
"I'm at Zone 4, believe it or not...you sure? I would run but I'm in dress shoes-"  
Lena burst out laughing. He was still in the dress-up clothes. Very un-Tommy Riordan. "Just stay put will ya?" She hung up on him and began looking for clothes. She needed a shower, her hair was one big fuck knot, but there was no time. She was out the door on another rescue mission.  
Tommy was waiting outside, looking just as bedraggled as she, but he had a big smile for her when she pulled up.  
"I'm sorry, Lena,"he said as he got in, barely getting his seatbelt on as she sped off. "I get that fight I'll have some money to get a car."  
"No problem Tommy." She smiled back, and the big sunglasses on her little face made him crack up.  
"You look like one of those movie stars," he said. "Get some bigger glasses will ya?"  
"Shut up Tommy!" She slugged his shoulder, giggling. She was enjoying the little moments they had, she didn't know when and if it was going to abruptly change. She blanched when she noticed a claw mark on the back of his neck as he turned to look out the window. "Oh...did I do that?"  
Tommy rubbed his neck, grinning like a schoolboy. "Yep. There's more."  
Lena cursed out loud. "I'm sorry-"  
"Don't be." He turned to face her, dropping the smile. "Proof of battle."  
Lena smiled at him anyway. He looked hungry, tired, desperate, worried, and wanting. "Tommy....you have to go to your house first yeah?"  
He just nodded, still looking at her. He was staring at her lips. She felt the predator/prey sensation he could exude so well, she knew how his opponents in the octagon must have felt, except he wanted something a lot different from her.  
"Yeah," he said softly, finally. "Need shower, clothes. You need a shower too."  
Lena laughed. "How could you tell I just rolled out of bed?"  
Tommy laughed softly, searched for her hand and found it, rubbed it, laced his fingers with hers. He couldn't stop touching her either, he needed her more than he had realized. She had peeled back the outer layers of his iron shell, past his defenses, and reached into the vast abyss of his emotions, the parts of him he hated, couldn't bear, buried over and over. She soothed him with her presence, her touch calmed him. He felt something sliding into place when he was around her. He thought maybe it had to do with the fact that he knew her past, had been linked to her all this time somehow, that she was fucked up, neurotic and insecure because of all of it. Tommy felt the urge to protect her, shelter her, when he knew he had to protect her from himself too. Conflict and courage, something Tommy knew very well, but she broke his walls down too. He had not cried since the night he lost Sparta, but Lena was like the chink in his armor, the soft spot between his scales. She unknowingly coaxed the darkness out of him and brought it to light. When he slept next to her, even if he only slept for an hour or two, he didn't wake up screaming. But he was scared of her, scared to hurt her, scared to lose his familiar storm shelter within himself. He did not want to rely on anyone.  
Now at Paddy's, they climbed the steps quietly and went inside. Tommy led her to the bathroom, turned the water on, pulled his clothes off-now she could see the claw marks on his back, the bitemark on his chest.  
"Ohhh Tommy..."she touched the wounds she had inflicted on him,"I am so sorry.."  
He turned to face her, started pulling off her clothes. "Shut up," he whispered huskily, "take your goddamn clothes off." Lena acquiesced, and he wrapped her naked body against his, dragging her in the shower, kissing her deeply. Tommy spun her around in the hot steamy shower, hunched over her, bending her over, and she felt his cock pushing in between the folds of her already swollen pussy, and he thrusted hard inside, pushing her against the tile wall. She whined low in her throat. "I saw the scratches this morning,"he growled,"Just made me want to fuck you again."  
Lena was slain again, he filled her to the hilt and rode her hard, twisting around inside her and pushing her to the absolute threshold of pleasure and pain. He didn't slow down, didn't stop, and her body spasmed against the girth of him, and his ferocity and passion for her. She grabbed his hands and held them to her breasts as she helplessly, soundlessly orgasmed on him, making him hiss between clenched teeth.  
"Fuck," he spat the word out, and fell against her, rubbing his spasming cock against her back, shuddering silently from the sudden peak he hit so hard. Lena waited a moment before she turned and took him in her arms, and got wrapped up in his. Tommy kissed her head, pressed his cheek to her temple. He wouldn't let her go. It was just a moment of silence, a moment of peace, and he felt deserving of at least that, if nothing else, and so greedily he took it, rubbing on her and kissing on her as she did the same to him. "Oh fuck I just want to do this all day Lena," he breathed, and Lena nuzzled his jaw, his ear.  
"Yes, me too...but Colt-"  
"I know, I know." He let her go, and suddenly reached down for a bottle, and he shot her with a jet of body wash."Here you go dirty girl."


	12. Chapter 12: Spun Out, Snap Back

The rest of their time together was either very quiet, or they would tussle, mock-fight and giggle, throw things at each other, and it ended with him pressing her up against the front door before they left, kissing her deeply, stretching her arms out with his til he had her pinned.  
"I win," Tommy whispered,"every time." He was hungrily ravaging her neck with his mouth, his hips bucked against her and she could feel him hard against the inside of her thigh.  
"You're going to kill me," Lena gasped. She could not imagine what it was going to be like as he got bigger, stronger-he was already all muscle and solid as a rock.  
"No,"he said,"just fuck you." He let her go and she slumped against him. His eyes were pinpoints of heat on her, his cheeks red, perspiration beading on his forehead. He was beautiful and animalistic, seething with intensity. Tommy didn't do anything halfway, wanting her was no different.  
"We...we better go." She was panting a little. Tommy flashed her a smile.  
"Yeah. What time you coming over tonight?"  
Lena's surprise was hard to contain. "Umm, I think I'm hittin' the gym and I know I gotta study tonight..."  
Tommy shook his head. "I'll come by your place then. I'll bring you dinner."  
There was no saying no to this man. She was scared a little, she had imagined he would be done again, like he had been telling her it was going to be. She wasn't completely prepared for him in her life full-time either. Tommy was a hurricane of uncertainty and desperation, love and lust-Trouble Man. She stared into his eyes, hot dark blue pools of need. She realized he was going to be all by himself here, and maybe he didn't like that.  
"OK Tommy,"she whispered, her fingers on his chin to pull his mouth to hers one last time.  
LATER. Cal was busting her door down. Lena had been cleaning her apartment, had her sheets washing in the laundry room down the hall. She was sore and still a little stunned from her time with Tommy.  
"What the fuck is goin' on, Lena?" Cal stormed into her apartment."I've been calling you and calling you..." He looked at her in dismay. "You really look like shit."  
Lena laughed."Thanks asshole, I love you too." She hugged him and he pushed her away.  
"No offense but if you're sick I don't want it. I brought you some ibuprofen and some other shit-"he shoved a plastic bag in her hand, it had tissues and at least four different kinds of medicine, and a big bottle of orange juice. "Hope it helps." Cal gave her his winning smile. "Gotta take care of my best bitch."  
"You are too much, thank you Cal." Lena set the bag on the table. "I actually...um I'm not really sick."  
"What?!?"  
"I mean, I had a really long night, been busting my ass...just worn down I guess." Lena avoided looking at Cal, she knew he was going to give her hell. She set about putting the orange juice in the fridge, and Cal snatched it from her.  
"Lena. I'm taking it back. I really thought you were sick."Cal glared at her now as they faced off on the kitchen. "I really hope this has nothing to do with Tommy Riordan. Cuz I have a feeling it does."  
"You know Cal, I appreciate the fact that you want to watch over me. I realize we're close. But you need to back up right now cuz I'm not in the mood for this."  
"YOU don't realize what's happening here, it's starting already. You skipped class Lena, you never do that. I have to watch out for you because there are people who can fuck your life up and you won't see it coming til it's too late. I knew this was gonna fuckin' happen!"  
"Wow way to overreact, I missed class ONCE Cal, I can handle myself regardless of your low opinion of me! This has less to do with Tommy than it does with you trying to control everything in my life. I love you but can you just leave me alone about this one thing? Just one!"  
Cal looked like he was ready to yell some more, his tan chiseled face glowing bright with anger. "You know I don't try to control you Lena," he seethed. "I have to take care of you. You're my best friend and my sister. I couldn't stand it if something happened to you too. Maybe it seems like I'm trying to run you, but goddamn Lena! Anyone but him! There's how many people in the 'Burgh you could be seeing?!?"  
Lena sighed, dropped her face in her hands. She knew there was no way they would see eye-to-eye on this. Maybe ever.  
"Cal,"she said softly."I don't expect you to understand. I don't fully understand it. But...I can't stay away from him." She looked at him and her eyes pleaded with him to go easy on her.  
"Lena, you ever heard of the saying, moth to a flame?" Cal approached her and rubbed her arms. "I won't say another word. But please, don't skip class anymore...you have that really big test-"he fiddled in his pockets and pulled out folded up notebook paper,"-Teresa gave me her notes for you. I don't want to see you get fucked up on this guy. You haven't been around the block, you know, and this guy could take you there. I can tell. He's got too many problems, Lee." Cal looked at her a long time, and all the anger was gone from his eyes, just concern and love. "I gotta run down to Kimo's, but I'll be back, you going to the gym with me around 4?"  
Lena nodded, and gave him a big hug. "I love you."  
"I love you too. Oh and my mom's appointment is next Monday at 3. You still coming right?"  
"Of course, I'll drive us there."  
Cal laughed out loud. "Hell no you won't, you'll give my mom a heart attack before we ever get there!"  
"Oh my God shut the hell up Cal!" Lena punched his arm hard as she could before he headed out the door in a rush. She shut the door and rested against it-she was emotionally exhausted.  
LENA hadn't heard from Tommy all day, she could imagine what Colt was doing with him. She was sitting in her car outside Colt's at 4, waiting for Cal to show up, when her phone beeped with a text message: 'I'm going to be late tonight. See you after 8.' It was Tommy, and she marvelled at how quickly winds can change direction. Never did she ever expect to be talking to Tommy Riordan much less be in a whatever-ship with him. She had thought about everything Cal had said, had been saying, and knew he was right. She couldn't let Tommy sidetrack her, and she could see how easily she could forget everything when she looked into his eyes, smelled his skin, heard his voice, and when he touched her....she shivered with goosebumps, like a cold chill, but it was a hot breeze that blew through her nervous system-she had never felt like this before. And she wasn't sure what to do about it.  
Cal was friendly and funny and bossy and bitchy, but was true to his word and didn't say anything about Tommy. Even when he noticed her looking around the gym every so often, he still shut his trap even though it killed him. He remembered the one true love he had back in his senior year of high school-once his love's parents found out it was a boy that their son was in love with, they packed up all their stuff and moved to California, leaving Cal a complete mess with Lena to pick up the pieces. Cal never found out what happened to his dear heart, hoping that somehow, some way, they would find each other again. Helpless hopeless love. In truth Cal was still waiting, he felt he could never find anyone that understood him so well...besides Lena.  
In the gym, Cal punished her relentlessly, barked at her, made her almost throw up and even burst into tears at one point. He could see how strained she was, he knew the physical exertion always helped her in ways nothing else could. She cursed him intermittently through it all, but afterwards, while they were towelling off, she thanked him. She felt focused, complete. Her body and mind reconnected somewhere along the way and she was on her feet again. She hadn't realized just how off-kilter she had been feeling. He bowed to her, like a great Sensei would, and Lena bowed back. People in the gym stared cock-eyed at them, wondering what the hell that was all about.Then they laughed together all the way out to the parking lot. Just right.


	13. Stormclouds

It was 6:30 when Lena made it home. She felt energized and elated. She took a long hot shower, called her mom, had a snack, and dug her intermediate accounting books out of her backpack-tomorrow was two back-to-back accounting classes, plus she had her microeconomics notes from Teresa to go over.  
She wasn't watching the time very well, even though she was dying inside waiting to see Tommy. It was 8:45 and her phone was quiet, no sign of him, when her stomach started growling. It only took a couple of minutes for her to head out the door to Vinnie's. She knew she could hassle Butch into making something healthy and delicious.  
Vinnie's was packed, it was Friday night after all, and she snuck in the back door. The kitchen was a blur of activity-Lena realized she may have made the wrong call. Butch spied her standing between the pastry racks and chortled.  
"Yo, whatcha doin' here, you out of uniform!" Butch was the biggest red-headed guido she knew.  
"I know, you make me something to eat, please? I'm starvin'!" Lena ducked when he threw a dinner roll at her.  
"Oh I know how to get rid of you Lee-nuts, throw some carbs atcha and you'll run!"  
"Ha-ha-ha. Butch you're a comic genius. Where's Bossman?"  
"He's runnin' the front, that lazy Karina didn't show up-"  
"Why didn't he call me?!?"  
Butch shrugged. He was doing about 10 things at the same time and barely breaking a sweat. "Don't know Lena, he knows you got class an' shit. Plus I hear you gotta boyfriend-" he gave her a salacious smile,"-so you been a little busy."  
Lena felt her face burning. "Who told you what, you jerk? What are you even talking about?"  
Butch shrugged again, chuckling. "I ain't sayin' anything else." He slid her a styrofoam box that smelled heavenly. Lena just shook her head.  
"Thanks you pain in the ass." Lena kissed his cheek, and he waved her away.  
"Can't you see I'm busy here?" But he had a big smile for her.  
Lena looked down at her clothes-she had on black and pink athletic wear, not the kind of clothes she wanted to be seen in the front-end of Vinnie's. She waited by the server's station in the back so she could negotiate paying for her meal. It was a big bustle, loud, people yelling, and she wanted to help but knew she couldn't. She finally got Sam to stop and take some money for her food, and she asked him to let Vinnie know she was here. It took a minute and Vinnie was in the kitchen, staring at her.  
"Whaddya doin here?" He grabbed her in a half-hug. He was wearing his classic white shirt/white tie/black slacks combo, sleeves rolled up, and he was looking sweaty.  
"I was hungry-you need me to come in?"  
"Nah Lee, we're OK. I had to give a couple kids a crash course Vince-style, but it's ok, things are flowin'. I gotta get back out there though but I gotta ask you somethin'-did that Tommy guy get arrested last night?"  
"Yeah." Lena looked down as he got a little closer to her, staring at her.  
Vinnie's face was set in grim lines. "Uh huh. And you were there to bail him out because...."  
Lena shook her head, looked back at him. "Boy, news travels fast huh? How'd you hear?"  
"That's not an answer. I ask the questions. Listen I don't have time right now but you and me are gonna talk. Colt just got here with the sponsor paperwork, and he and I are gonna have a nice chat too. So you better get the hell outta here before I make you work. Awright?"  
Vinnie kissed her head and headed through the double doors, out into the front fracas. Lena shook her head, turned around, and Butch was throwing another dinner roll at her.  
"You're in trouble Lee-nuts!!"  
Lena flipped him off, only half-serious this time. "Yeah yeah." She chucked a roll at him too and scooted out the back door before he could retaliate.   
On the drive home she sighed heavily and wondered if she was ever going to catch a break. The food smelled so good she was half -tempted to pull over and scarf it down right there. Of course, when she pulled up at her apartment building, there was Tommy sitting on the front step outside. Her heart accelerated, her nerves fluttered all over her body. It was 9:30, and Lena hadn't checked her phone since before she left-she wondered if he had even called or messaged her. She waved at him and pulled in around back to park, and when she stopped the car and got out Tommy was on her, taking her purse and dropping it at her feet, grabbed the foam box and set it on top of the car, and leaned her up against the car, kissing her softly at first, but moved into a deeper, harder kiss as he grabbed her legs and picked her up in one swift motion. Lena wrapped her legs around him and he crushed her to the car with his weight, and she could feel him like a steel rod against her sex-Tommy kissed and kissed her, rubbing his body against hers, and she felt like she couldn't breathe.  
"I want you right fuckin' now," he rasped, and chewed on her throat, her chin, back to her mouth. Lena's fingers splayed out on the sides of his head as she held his face-she had to get him inside.  
"Tommy," she struggled to get his attention,pull him up to look at her,"Tommy let's go inside, please..."  
Tommy stopped kissing her but still had her trapped against the car. He stared at her, looking half-wild, eyes dilated and black, nostrils flaring. Lena's adrenaline was already pumping, but looking at him, feeling him, she was in overload.  
"I got the fight," he said breathlessly, "your uncle helped a lot."  
Lena looked at him, perplexed. "Hmm. Saw him tonight, he didn't seem to happy-"  
"I know, just got off the phone with Colt. He told me to stay away from you." Tommy looked at her, nonplussed. "Guess your uncle doesn't like me that much."  
Lena felt the bottom drop out of her. "Fuck." She pushed at Tommy and he gave way. She grabbed her purse and her food and started heading for the apartment.  
"Hey," said Tommy, catching up to her. "What's wrong?"  
"What do you mean, what's wrong? Tommy if my uncle said that then that also means he could pull sponsorship if we continue. You just got started again. I don't want to fuck it up for you." Lena kept up her quick pace to the apartment and Tommy almost had to jog to keep up with her.  
"You're not gonna fuck anything up, Lena, I could fuck it up way before you could. And I'm not gonna." He followed her inside, and she dropped everything on the study table, sat down and put her head in her hands.  
"You're overreacting." Tommy sat at the table with her. She looked at him-the bruise around his eye was purple and yellow now, the deep cuts on his face were healing up. She noticed his thermal shirt tight over his frame, the worn out jeans that clung to him just right. He smiled knowingly at her. "You need to chill out and let me take you to bed."  
Lena smiled, but it wasn't a real smile. "Tommy...my uncle is a smart businessman. And a stern father to me sometimes. But if he said that, then I know he's serious and I don't know if I can convince him of anything. You just got this going, you can't blow it because of me."  
Tommy sighed, fidgeted in his seat. He looked everywhere but at her. "You know Lena, I spent a lot of my life being told no. Felt like I was forced to do a lot of things I didn't want to do. Had to grow up fast." He finally looked at her and nodded. "It just makes me want you more. I know you're right, but I don't want to stop seeing you. As hard as it is to say it, cuz I didn't want it to get this far to begin with." He spoke slowly and she heard the words, revelled in his accent and voice. "You don't want to see me, that's fine, but let it be for your own reasons, not cuz some...old man says no. I appreciate what he's doin' for me, but not on those terms." He sat back, crossed his arms, and just looked at her.  
Lena looked him straight in the eyes. "Is that what you told Colt?"  
Tommy shrugged. "Some of it. Colt said he already signed the contract, cut the check. You think he'd want to say it to me. I think it was more of a warning. He can't pull anything when we already have the money."  
Lena shook her head. She needed to talk to Vinnie herself. "Maybe he doesn't want you sidetracked while you're training." They both laughed at this. "Where and when is the fight?"  
Tommy looked at her, surprised. "It's Sparta. August 4th. Las Vegas."  
Lena looked at him wide-eyed. "I-I didn't know you were going for Sparta...what about the expo, wasn't that for something local?"  
Tommy shook his head. "I already have three fights lined up, in two weeks. I'll have to change my class later but for now I'm a welterweight." He glanced at her, then looked away, sighing. "Look, Lena...do you want me to leave, or.."  
She stared at him until he looked at her again. "No. I don't. I want you to eat with me. I'm starving." She smiled at him, and got up to get some plates. Her legs were shaking, her mind was buzzing. She had to eat something before she could absorb anything else.  
Tommy sat quietly as she dished out grilled chicken and rice with veggies. How something so simple could smell so heavenly was beyond her, but she knew how fantastic Butch was. Tommy stared at his plate, then at her.  
"Where did you get this?"  
"Vinnie's. I thought I could wait til you got here but after the gym tonight I needed sustenance." She handed him a tall glass of water and sat down next to him at the table. "Well, the gym, and you."  
Tommy looked at her bemusedly. "Oh yeah? Me?" He laughed a little and dug in to his food. "It's your fault."  
Lena swallowed her chicken too soon and almost choked. "Me?!? How is that possible-"  
"Cuz you keep callin' me, you won't leave me alone, I'm thinkin' about one of those whaddyacall'em...restraining orders." He played the straight man very well, his face was blank as Lena lost it, giggling and socking him in the arm. "I know you're a little starstruck but c'mon this is getting out of control. Autographs aren't enough for people sometimes."  
Lena shook her head at him. "Alright. OK. I got your starstruck right here bud." She flicked water from her glass at him, right in his face. "Too bad it's not lemon juice."  
"Ouch," was all he said, but he was grinning at her. "So what are you gonna tell your uncle?"  
Lena considered it for a moment, and Tommy started to look a little nervous. "I'm going to tell him that we're fine, that it has nothing to do with your fighting, and he should only be concerned if it's really necessary."  
"Eh. Not many people like me, and I'm OK with that. This is no different." He kept eating, he was almost done, and Lena still had a bit to go.  
"Yeah well...he's my family. He's also my boss. He' s the reason why I have this apartment and the car and I can afford school. The grants only get you so far. I care very much what he has to say. I just hope he understands."  
Tommy shrugged again, and Lena couldn't help but feel irritated. Was he always ungrateful? And not ungrateful, maybe just hateful. He didn't seem perturbed at all and Lena wondered what would happen if Vinnie didn't want to understand and tried forcing her to give Tommy up. How would Tommy react then?


	14. Not Done

Lena couldn't think about it any longer, too many variables. Also her vision was obscured by Tommy. He had taken his plate to the sink and rinsed it, stuck in the dishwasher. He opened her fridge, looked around inside, found a beer she had forgotten about from New Year's-it was some nasty malt beverage/energy drink. Probably Cal's, she thought. She finished her plate as Tommy drank the beer in silence, watching her from the kitchen. She got up to rinse her plate and still he said nothing, just leaned up against the counter swigging away. Lena set her dish in the dishwasher and turned to face him, press her belly against his, look up into his eyes. They were cold and hard. She wondered if he was irritated with what she had to say, or if it was just another mood swing. She slowly ran her fingertips up his ribs, ran her hands across the span of his chest, over his shoulders, finally resting her palms on the sides of his neck. Still he didn't move, just finished the beer and chucked the can into the trashcan behind her. Lena looked at him, his sloping nose, his chiseled face, marked up from the rough path he walked all his life. Tommy looked down at her as she caressed him, he had his arms at his sides and his fists balled up. He took a deep breath in and sighed, closed his eyes, opened them. A little softer now, the anger was shifting, grey gave way to blue in the hue of his eyes.  
"This isn't going to be easy, is it," he said, but it wasn't a question.  
Lena stared at his lips, touched them lightly, full and deep pink, warm and moist. Almost too pretty for a fighter. She wondered how many times had they been split and bleeding, how many times was she going to see that happen if they stayed together? "What isn't going to be easy, Tommy?" Her voice was a breathy whisper. Her heart was in her throat.  
"Us. This. I didn't want to do this," his voice was almost a whisper too, "but now...I can't stop it. Can't stay away from you."  
Lena took in a deep breath when he finally touched her, his hands strong on the small of her back as he pulled her tighter to his body, looking down at her with such intensity she felt she would melt.  
"You were trying too hard to stop it, "she said, her voice a hitch in her throat as his face was inches away now and she could make out every scar there, even his stubble glinted in the light coming from above the study table behind her. "You didn't realize we were supposed to be doing this. It's fate."  
Tommy's eyebrows went up. "Yeah? Then why are so many people wantin' to fuck with it?"  
"Like you said," she said, placing her hands on his cheeks, touching all the cuts lightly, "it's not going to be easy." His eyes were tragic, like a fallen angel, sad and angry at the same time. "And I don't want to stop either, I have to see you Tommy."  
He shook his head, pulled away a little, but Lena wouldn't let him go. "I should probably go."  
"No, Tommy. You're staying." She pulled him closer and kissed his mouth, and his lips wetly slid against hers. He groaned and pushed his tongue inside right away, his hands finding her bottom to pick her up so he could carry her to the bedroom.  
"How do you fuck me up so bad,"he whispered, setting her down on the bed so he could strip off his clothes. Lena was all over him, kissing him as she crouched on her knees on the bed, uncaring about her own clothes. She chewed on the outstanding six-pack of his abdominals, her tongue tangling in the rough dark curling hair that led down to his cock. It sprang free and jumped in her face like a weapon of some sort, threatening her with imminent destruction, and she caught it with her lips and sucked him deep into her mouth. Tommy hissed, grabbing her ponytail to yank it out so he could wrap his fingers in her hair. Lena ran her hands down his bare legs, and scratched up softly until she met his buttocks. She wrapped her fist around his girth to join her mouth, and Tommy began to moan as she pulled and pulled on him, her own panties soaking through so she felt it on her thigh-she was on fire for him, she wanted and wanted him endlessly. He grabbed at her arms weakly, shuddering.  
"No, not like this," he gasped, and pulled her up finally, tearing at her clothes carelessly, "take this shit off now Lena." She quickly got out of her clothes and Tommy was climbing on her bed, climbing on her, rubbing his damp cock all over her as he grabbed her head and kissed her like a man possessed. He wanted to hurt her for wanting him, for not giving up, for not backing down. For staying. He inhaled her breasts, bit her nipples almost too hard, making her cry out. The heat coming from her skin was so intense, he was sweating now, grabbing her hips as he teased her clit with his tongue. He locked his arms around her thighs so she couldn't squirm and proceeded to lick her, long slow licks with no breaks for Lena, nipping her clit in between the agonizing tongue torture he was putting her through. Lena couldn't squirm anyway, she was riveted to the bed, crying loudly as he devoured her, she felt like she was going to black out from the intensity of pleasure he was giving her. He started a circular rhythm now, his fingers had her spread wide and he had her begging for him inside her, but he didn't stop. Her thighs started trembling and trying to close around his head, but he fought her back down and kept up the relentless licking, sucking, blowing until she froze in a death spasm, her body tied in a tangle of orgasmic ropes that wracked her with seismic cannonfire of screaming pleasure. Tommy rose up when she fell back so he could fall on top of her and fill her with his own need, large and wide, making her gasp and cling to him. His hips rose high, pulling all the way out and then diving back in deep again, over and over. Lena pulled her legs up tight and squeezed him hard as he filled her. Tommy breathed out in a huff, up on his hands above her so she could watch his amazing body working her into the bed. Sweat rained down on her, she wondered how he could work so hard all day during training and still do this to her.  
Suddenly he was up and turning her on her side. He lifted one leg up and moved in, holding her in a scissors position, and drove into her wet pussy, making her gasp-new feeling, still so full, and now he battered her, his eyes blazing into her as he held her ankle to his chest and filled her to the hilt, hard, over and over. She had no other recourse except to grab her pillow and cry into it. Tommy moved just enough to grab it away from her and throw it to the floor.  
"I wanna hear you," he growled, and mercilessly fucked her, so deep she could feel his balls against the inside of her thigh as he ground into her, and she threw her head back and wailed his name. Her bed sounded like it was going to bust. She felt like she was going to split open. Tommy didn't stop, he rode her into a silent wracking orgasm that crept up on her and walloped her from behind, causing her to squirt all over him. "Oh yeah," he huffed, "you're my girl...mine.."  
Lena was crying out with every thrust in, the orgasm left her exhausted but energized at the same time. She wanted out of the position, she was hurting inside now from his ardor. Tommy resisted her motion and moved in closer so he could feel her breasts, grab them and pinch her nipples. His thrusts were faster and more shallow and she knew he was getting close- he sucked in air and bit his bottom lip, his eyes rolled back in his head. He pushed her leg down suddenly and fell on her, his wet body like a muscled snake on hers. He whipped her hard still, and she was clinging to him as he raged like a storm above her, on top of her, all over her. His head pushed down on her shoulder, seeking support.  
"Tell me you're mine...tell me you're my girl.." his voice was rasping like dry leaves, wind blowing through trees in autumn. Lena felt tears spring to her eyes, unintentional and inexplicable, as he ruthlessly pounded her.  
"I'm yours, Tommy...your girl..."  
That was it for him, he was coming already and his guttural choking cry sounded like someone was tearing his heart out. He pulled out of her, shuddering, his body hot like an overworked engine, and collapsed. He was gasping loudly, his voice breaking through like he had just run a marathon and couldn't catch his breath. Lena held him in her arms best she could, and he buried his face in her shoulder, neck, and hair.  
Tears still burned Lena's eyes, she wondered if this was helping or hurting him, or having any effect at all. Tommy stayed like that on top of her a long time, he would not budge. Lena wondered if he had passed out for a moment, but then he pulled back to look at her, his face red and swollen, his eyes slitty and gazing at her.  
"Yeah," he said, and his voice was choked. "I can't leave you alone if I tried." Lena held his wet face in her hands, and he kissed her palms.  
"Don't want you to, Tommy. Please don't." She took him back into her arms, and he rolled them onto their sides so he could nuzzle and kiss her, rub her arms and back. She moved her legs and winced with the tenderness.  
"Did I hurt you?" he whispered, looking at her. Surprised he could see anything, it was very dark in her room. but she could see him staring into her eyes.  
"No, I'm OK, Tommy,"she said softly, caressing his face, touching his lips. She smiled, but Tommy gave her a dirty look.  
"Yeah I did." He kissed her mouth, a short biting kiss. "I can't stand it, I want to hurt you."  
"Tommy, why?"  
"Maybe I want you to run," he whispered, looking at her eyes, her mouth, and down. "Get away from me. I'm not safe for you, everything's gonna get fucked up cuz of me."  
Lena wanted to hit him. She knew that wasn't the answer. She shook her head, closed her eyes, rested her head back into his palm.  
"Not going anywhere Tommy." She looked at him from the corner of her eye, and he was still looking at her with the same burning glare. "You gonna fuck me to death?"  
Tommy shook his head. "Not yet." He raked her bare neck with his mouth. "I'm not done with you."


	15. Bed As Octagon

Lena could do nothing but let Tommy attack her, batter her, he chewed her up and spit her out with his will, his might, his force-driven hunger for her. She was exhilarated and exhausted, sore and drenched. At one point in the third round he had her on her stomach, his heavy frame on top of her grinding her into the bed, one hand on her hip and one underneath her holding her belly to steady her. His voice was hot and deep in her ear as he groaned and cried out, twisting inside her. She was holding onto the mattress as he pulverized her G spot. She had already lost her senses sometime in the second round, all she could feel was him sliding in and out of her, or his mouth on her pussy, or his cock in her mouth-she was in his control and he wasn't going to stop anytime soon. Now she felt him nudging up higher, above her pussy, and she froze as wet her with spit and started to push into her tight tender nethermouth- the stretching sensation wouldn't stop, it left her breathless with his size. She had never had this kind of sex before. Tommy slowly filled her, gasping and groaning, he didn't sound like he could take it either.  
"Oh fuck, fuck!" he called out loud, and pulled back to drive in again. Lena was in between pleasure and pain, her cries and whimpers muffled in the pillow she was biting. Tommy's hand underneath her slid down her belly to her pussy, and he rubbed at her clit with his palm, pushing hard in a circular motion as he thrusted slowly into her. Lena didn't think it was possible that she could come again, but she couldn't have stopped it when it hit her, she bucked and shuddered and the entire room pressurized with the incoming explosion, her pussy throbbed and spasmed against his palm as his cock filled her on the other side, hot and splitting her apart. She clawed at nothing, found his arm that was underneath her and she held onto it, digging her nails into his skin, her body wracking so hard it hurt. She couldn't see or hear, her voice was a broken scream that sounded like his name.   
"Ahhgoddamnit!" Tommy lost it, finally coming inside her, riding the whole wave in, and his body was a taut line of muscles spasming through it. "Fuck!"  
She felt it all, felt him spasming inside her, and then falling on top of her, his body a wet heavy blanket crushing her.  
"Oh holy fucking shit," he rasped, and kissed her neck, her shoulder. She was pinned beneath him, and he was still inside her, but neither of them could move. Sheer exhaustion had set in.  
"Tommy..." her voice was a gasp," what did you do to me..."  
"Tryin' to fuck you to death..." he slowly pulled out of her and tried to stand. "You're pretty tough."  
Lena layed there, blissed out and soaked with sweat. She took her first deep breath in what felt like forever, feeling the lovely cooler air now all around her scorched body. Everything was sore. Everything.  
Tommy was back, he had a wet rag or something, Lena couldn't have cared less as he tended to her. When she opened her eyes to look at him she could see blood on the rag-he had hurt her and she hadn't noticed, not yet anyway.  
He left again, and after a while came back with a water glass he pushed into her hand. "C'mon," he urged,"you need this."  
Lena picked her heavy head up, looked at him standing completely naked in front of her, guzzling greedily from a water glass. She followed suit, it dribbled out the corner of her mouth and she didn't care. It was heaven. When it was gone he took it from her.  
"Want more?" he asked, and for a half-second she wasn't sure what he was talking about.  
"Um, no. Thank you. Come back to bed. Please." She didn't sound like herself at all, so she thought. Her voice was almost gone. She layed her head back down and immediately started drifting off, until Tommy got in and started pushing at her to move her, make room for himself. Lena begrudgingly rolled onto her side to face him, and immediately Tommy was up against her, his belly against hers, his nipples and chest hair tickling her skin as he fought to get closer to her, til he was a wall she was resting against, her face pressed to his shoulder while he tenderly kissed her cheek and stroked her hair. She had survived Tommy's boot camp of agony and ecstasy, and he was rewarding her with sweet caresses and kisses.  
"Do I get a medal..." she said groggily. Tommy actually giggled.  
"Medal?" He held her chin and kissed her mouth,engulfing hers so easily- his full lips put hers to shame. "For what?" She couldn't open her eyes anymore but she could hear the smile in his voice.  
"Tour of Duty. Medal of honor. Something. I survived you tonight."  
Tommy laughed under his breath."You came so many times I think that's your reward."  
"Tommy...you really are going to kill me, aren't you?" She didn't remember saying that exactly, her own raspy voice sounded distant and muffled.  
THE NEXT MORNING Lena woke up to her alarm going off, and she felt very confused because she swore she had just fallen asleep. She cursed her alarm clock, and started getting up only to cry out in pain as her body betrayed her-she was so very sore.  
Tommy was gone, there was a note on the bedside table that read,  
"hey you, had to get to the gym. can't wait to see you again. take some motrin. have a great day. love, T."  
Lena shook her head, grinning. Love. Love. Love. Oh my God he wrote it for the second time now, she thought. Maybe that's just what he does.   
"He's Tommy Riordan for God's sake," she said out loud, and she had the marks and muscle strain to prove it.


	16. Overcome

TODAY was Lena's 24th birthday. She was ragged and sore and grinning like a fiend all day. Her Saturday morning class went by like a dream, she tore through her accounting class, visited her microeconomics teacher, and left at 12:15 with a message on her phone from Cal to meet her at Colt's for a birthday bruiser-workout. Lena knew she was not going to be much good, but she couldn't wait to see Cal anyway, knowing he would buy her lunch afterwards since she was starving to death.  
Colt's was packed for a Saturday afternoon, at least it looked that way when she pulled in the parking lot and saw all the cars there. Ginger Henry was running the counter, all smiles when she was signing in.  
"So, uh...Lena? I was wondering if maybe you'd like to go out sometime...um catch a movie or something?" Henry was bright red, all the way to his hair roots. Lena felt very bad-if she didn't have Tommy's name written all over her body she would have said yes.  
"Henry...I am sorry, but-"  
"This bitch is taken, Henry," Cal said from behind her. "You took too long."  
Lena turned around slowly and now she was turning red. "Wow, nice to see you too asshole." Cal wrapped her up in her arms, kissing her forehead. "You have such impeccable timing."  
"Happy birthday retard," he said, grinning.  
Henry looked very confused. "Um, but I thought...I thought you're..."  
Cal cocked his head at Henry, full-on 'girlfriend please' attitude. "Um GAY Henry? Why yes, I am. It's not me, silly."  
Henry shook his head, clearly embarrassed and put out. "Er, um, sorry. Sorry Lena."  
"OK well this has been cute but we got shit to do, see you later Henry." Cal hustled her into the cardio room, and signaled up to DJ Ras manning the turntables, who nodded and started blaring some annoying Miami booty bass birthday song-"Go Libra, it's your birthday, go Aries, it's your birthday!!" et cetera, ad infinitum, ad nauseum. There were balloons and a cake on a bench nearby, and Cal handed her a card signed by her friends at school, Colt, and Cal himself. Some people waved at Lena and wished her happy birthday, others just looked irritated by the distraction, and they got death looks from Cal as a result.  
"Oh Cal, thank you so much!! This is great!!" She hugged his big muscular frame excitedly.  
"Oh no. Go put your shit in the locker. You can have some cake later, but first I'm gonna punish you beeotch." Cal waited for her to come back, and dragged her to the treadmills. They got on together, starting at a light jog that she knew would not last before he pushed her into hyperdrive. But Cal didn't push at her, not yet, just kept looking over at her like she was a puzzle he was trying to put together.  
"What the fuck Cal, staring problem?" She loved that they could joke around like they were enemies, and other people would look at them like shit was about to go down. It was entertaining to both of them.  
"No bitch, just trying to figure out why you look like you're half-dead. Don't think I'm going to be able to hurt you as bad as I thought I could today." His voice was sarcastic and nasty. "Wonder who's been keeping you up too late?"  
Lena flushed scarlet thinking about the night before. "I think you already know, and I already know how you feel about it, so let's just not discuss it. Safer for everyone."  
Cal narrowed his eyes at her. "What is it about him, Lena? I don;t get it. You are so shy around guys, I can barely get you out of the house except to see you here or at school, and this guy comes along and you're..."  
Lena looked at him pointedly. She had sped up a little on her own, hoping he would too and get too out of breath to ferret anything out of her. "Different? Yes, I know. I wish I knew how to summarize it for you, but I think I'm a little clueless too. I like him. A lot. It's mutual, in case you were wondering-"  
"Oh yeah? Did he tell you he's leaving Monday for six weeks?" Cal watched her facade crumble, and looked satisfied with it.  
"Huh, what? Leaving...how do you know anything about it?" she spat, angry and upset.  
"So he didn't tell you. I saw Colt this morning, he's leaving the gym to Henry and a couple other guys to run, he wanted me to do it, but I can't-anyway he has to go with Tommy to Arizona, I guess there's an MMA lab or something down there and Tommy has to train there. Colt says he doesn't trust him here, too many distractions." Cal pointed at her.  
Lena was getting even angrier. "Me?!? What about his dad? Shit I can't believe this. He didn't call me or anything..."  
Cal scoffed at her. "Lena you have got to figure this out, he's desperate and lonely. And lots of trouble. This will be a great thing for you, you can forget about him, and maybe take Henry up on his offer-"  
"Fuck you Cal, fuck you fuck you," she panted, and she hadn't realized she was running a six minute mile. She slowed down now, she thought her chest was going to burst. Cal watched her, he looked like maybe he hadn't seen her quite this pissed in a long time. She was raging fury, at Cal and at Tommy.  
Lena hopped off the treadmill and marched straight to the locker room to get her phone. Nothing from Tommy, just a voicemail from her mom that she knew was a birthday wish, and a couple of text messages from her friends at school.  
When she came back out of the locker room, Cal was waiting for her. He looked sad. Lena didn't have the patience to put up with any of his condescension.  
"Save it, Cal."  
Cal shook his head. "Lena...I'm sorry. I'm an asshole. Come one, it's your birthday, let's go have a piece of cake, fuck the workout, OK?"  
Lena looked at the floor a long moment, looked at Cal. Big blue eyes.  
"Aggghhhh Cal, I fuckin' hate you! You know I can't stay mad at you when you do that, stop it!"  
Cal grinned his big shit-eating grin. "I know, right?"  
LATER. Lena had talked to her mom-big dinner planned for Sunday night for her birthday. She knew it was going to be her favorite-lasagna-and she wished she had worked out earlier. She had to head to work at 4:30, where she knew Vince would be pouring drinks down her throat and Butch would be trying to shove tiramisu in there too.  
Tommy still had not contacted her, and she was half-worried, half-pissed. No way was he just going to bounce on her, right?  
"Hey, birthday girl!!" Vince was spoiling her with balloons and snowshoe shots. Lena was just hanging out with him, not really working, and even though it was busy as hell, somehow he had her on the clock and in the corner of the bar away from everything. She found out quickly that he had a motive.  
"I got a surprise for you, little Lee Lee." He pulled a card out of his pocket.  
"Uncle Vince," she raised her hand in protest, thinking her voice was a little too slushy-sounding, "I don't wanna card from you, you already gave me one anyway, 'member?"  
Vince laughed at her. "Oh you are so lucky Butch isn't here at the bar, he'd be taking a video of you trashed, kid. Now take the goddamn card please. Stop makin' a scene."  
Lena took the card and tore the envelope open. It was a card all in Spanish and her heart jumped.  
"Feliz Cumpleaños" on the front, and inside some words she didn't understand, maybe a few. It was signed 'Amor, tu Papá' and she understood that well enough. The room was spinning and her eyes filled with tears. She felt Vince ushering her past all the crowds and into the office, where she sat in his big comfy chair and began to weep.  
"What does it say uncle, please tell me.."  
Vince rubbed her shoulder and read it to her in English:  
'My dearest daughter, I wish I could be there to wish you happy birthday in person, but I made some choices that put me here, and all of us at a disadvantage. One day I will make it all up to you. I miss you, your Mom, and David more than you know. I know you are doing well, keep it up. I love you so very much. Take care of your mom for me. Please tear this up after you have read it. Love, your Daddy.'  
Lena sobbed soundlessly, her emotions so raw from the alcohol in her blood. All she could see was her father, and when she looked at Vince the resemblance was too much.  
Vince set the card on fire with his classy gold lighter and set it in the steel ashtray that had always sat on his desk as a paperweight. Lena watched it burn, knowing she could never have convinced Vince to let her keep it anyway.  
"I miss him so much Uncle Vince," she said in between little sobs. "You know we still haven't heard from David-"  
"I know kid," Vince said, his voice deep and soft. "I'm sorry, I knew it was gonna tear you up, but..."  
Lena looked at him again, her eyes waterfalls. "Thank you. And I'm not supposed to ask, but where did you get it?"  
Vince just shook his head at her slowly, and didn't answer. Lena wanted to be angry, but she knew Vince wouldn't budge. To keep her safe he wouldn't tell her.  
"OK, OK." She tried to get herself together. "Aren't you going out of town Monday?" Maybe if they talked about something else she would be able to get it together.  
Again Vince shook his head. "Cancelled it, Lee. Me and Sarah are having some problems." Sarah was his wife of twenty years. Lena knew they always had problems though, this was no surprise. Vince kept long hours away running the restaurant and occasionally stayed out late on top of that. Lena wondered how Sarah had hung on for as long as she had as it was.  
"Oh...I'm sorry Vince." And Lena was really sorry because she had wanted the distraction-if Tommy was going out of town she wanted as much as possible going on to keep her busy. "Anything I can do?"  
"Nah..." he waved his hand. "You know how it is kid. Just a steady stream of shit. I should be home more is the problem. But hopefully she'll snap out of it, I really wanted to go to Vegas. I been feelin' lucky lately." He winked at her. "So what's the deal with you and that Tommy guy?"  
Lena sat back in her chair, sighing. "I'm seeing him. I like him. He likes me. I've already been hearing it so I guess it's your turn now."  
Vince looked at her like she hit him. "Hey, Lee, I let people make their own mistakes. Which is what this is. He was somethin'...once. But he's a fuckin' mess, don't you see that? I mean I know he can fight, that's why I backed him. But you...you can't take that on, Lee, he's too fucked up."  
Lena just looked at him, her make-up ruined, her nice business suit all rumpled up. She looked so small in his big high-backed chair.  
"Yeah I know Cal's been givin' you the business about it. Can't blame him. But I ain't your daddy...boy if I was I would be cuttin' that shit off quick. But you gotta fall down to learn how to get up. Just don't fall too hard Lena. You're somethin' special, hate to see your lights put out by some trainwreck."  
Lena shook her head, standing up. She wanted to have her say, but she bit her half-drunk tongue and drunkwalked over to him to hug him.  
"I gotta get out of here, I'm sorry-"  
"Uh, you ain't drivin' kid! I gotta check out the front, you wait here." Vince searched her face, looked in her eyes. "Butch or somebody can drive ya. Awright? Don't you fuckin' leave." He kissed her head and set her down on the chair he had been sitting on.  
She thought she was going to throw up. Snowshoes and cake. Not a good combo. Well, she thought, everyone warning her about Tommy, they didn't realize he was probably out of the picture now anyway.


	17. Happy Birthday

Butch showed up in the doorway of the office. Lena had her head in her hands, and she sounded like she was snoring.  
"Hey. Lee. You up?" Butch jingled the keys in his hand loudly. Lena's head snapped up.  
"Hmm? Yeah Butch, I'm up. Just a little woozy is all. Listen I can drive home, don't know what Vinnie is all worked up about-" she was trying to stand and kind of toppled back into the chair. Butch guffawed loudly.  
"Ha ha ha, Lena, lookatcha you're a wreck! C'mon lemme take you home."  
She felt herself walk to the car, get in and she felt the car moving, but everything was so fuzzy. Butch helped her to the doorway of the apartment building, and the cold air outside kind of perked her up a bit. Lena stood at the open door and smiled at him.  
"I think I can manage, Butch. I'm going to go lay down. Thank you for the ride."   
"Lee, you sure?"  
"Yeah, get back to the restaurant, I'll see you later." Lena was running out of time to get upstairs, her head was feeling woozy again. She let the door shut on Butch and headed upstairs, staggering against the handrail. "Oh I can't wait to go to bed," she mumbled out loud. When she reached her apartment door she noticed the doorknob felt funny in her grip, like it was a little loose. She unlocked it and fell in to a candlelight glow- little candles were lit up all over her apartment, there was a delicious smell in the air, and then she saw Tommy looking quite surprised to see her, messing with her stereo. He was dressed all in black, tight fitting long-sleeved shirt and black jeans that looked brand new. His look of shock was priceless, as she knew hers had to be as well.  
Lena wavered in the open doorway, staring at him, soundless. Tommy nervously dropped the CD he had in his hand and started making his way towards her, his face giving away nothing, his cheeks and eyes glowing with the misty candlelight. Still neither one said a word, Lena too drunk and tongue-tied to say anything, Tommy unable to read her and just acting on instinct. She put her hands up to defend herself from his sudden attack, but he just reached behind her and shut the door, then walked against her so she backed up flat against the door. He looked down at her, into her eyes, her face. Lena was pinned between the heavy wooden door and his broad muscular chest, and she was caught up in his eyes, blue-green in the soft light. She stared at his face, ruddy cheeks, knit brow, and his glistening lips that looked like they could swallow her whole. She wanted to remember it forever, her fallen angel, her broken warrior. His breath blew warm on her skin, she could smell his skin as his body heat rose,and clean smells; detergent, body wash-she felt so dizzy and fell against him, her head rolled against his collarbone. Tommy caressed her head, tangled his fingers her hair, and then tugged gently to have her mouth to kiss oh-so-softly, sucking her lips and nibbling them. She sighed loudly, sagged against him, and his breath came in a shudder-his desire was great, she could feel him pulsing and growing against her. His growl was low and threatening, she felt so overwhelmed by her own desire and the hunger he was so carefully containing.  
"Tommy.." she managed to break from his soft,sensuous, lingering kiss, how she did not know. "What is going on, how did you get in here-" Her voice was a raspy whisper, she was choked by the pulsating heartbeat in her throat.  
Tommy just looked down at her, glowering with want, but his expression softened by tenderness. "Lena," he began, "I broke in. Wanted to surprise you. Been at the jailhouse most of the day with Pop and the lawyer. Wanted to call you but my phone didn't work down there for some fucked up reason." God she loved his gravelly voice, his accent thick and his words drawn out. She could listen to him forever. A big smile broke out on his face and suddenly he looked like a naughty little boy again. "Why didn't you tell me it's your birthday, huh? Had to find out through Colt. You're such a bad bad girl..."His face was maybe two inches from hers, she could smell whisky on his breath. "I picked up some Chinese...Cal told me what you like."  
Lena was totally shocked. "What, Cal?!? Cal? When did you talk to him?" Her voice was high and slurred.Now she could hear how drunk she was. Damn. Tommy just laughed, his muscled belly rocking her softly against the door.  
"You been partying without me, huh?" He kissed her forehead."I saw him at the gym this morning. Real early. He was pretty decent." Tommy's expression was sarcastic but amused. "Kid has balls, warned me off you. Hmph."  
"Tommy...you're really leaving?"  
He sighed heavily. "Yeah, um, Colt thinks I need this bullshit lab. He just wants me gone,no distractions and off the HGH. Ain't happening, I'm already seeing results-"he flexed his bicep and she could see it bulging through the thin fabric of his shirt. She thought she would faint. "They can't make me do anything. Ain't illegal. Fuck 'em anyway." He looked down at her, and she thought he would consume her with his hot glare. "I don't wanna go. But if I'm doin' this fight I have to. It's four weeks, Lena...I'll call you everyday." He bent his head and kissed her again and again, and she chewed his bottom lip just enough to make him groan, then she kissed his cheek, pulled him close to her and nibbled his ear. He slid his hips against her to let her feel how hard he was and he growled again, giving her the impetus to dip her tongue in and swirl around the cartilage of his ear, suck the lobe some more.  
"Ahhh, Lena...."His voice rumbled through her and she wanted him so badly it was starting to hurt. "Not yet, no no..." He pushed her back and she could see the red flush in his cheeks, his neck. His eyes were dilated and he wanted her, but found the strength to stop somehow. She didn't think he was capable of much else than instinct at these times. Perspiration glistened on his brow and she fought the urge to lick him, taste the salt of his sweat.  
"Tommy, Tommy..."she was tugging at the back of his jeans, sliding one hand in and scratching at a taut buttock, making him breathe harder as his cock strained against her.  
"No. Not yet." His voice was clear and dictatorial, she could hear his military training and she couldn't help but draw back. "Lena, I almost killed you last night. I'm sorry. It's the HGH, I could go forever....I won't do that to you again-"  
Lena's fingertips were closing his mouth, playing on his lips. "Oh my God but Tommy...I never experienced that before...I loved it."  
Tommy's face registered surprise. "I hurt you."  
"Yes...but didn't you try to? Something inside of you pushing me away, maybe that's how you translate it-"Lena caught his lips in hers, kissing him and moving against him. Tommy opened up to her, his tongue slid against hers and caressed hers, he was eating her alive. "Oh I want you," she gasped, "Tommy please, please..."  
Tommy grabbed her in his arms and carried her to her bedroom, where more candles flickered and glowed. Warm and inviting. He lowered her to the bed and began stripping her, carefully removing her shoes and rubbing her feet. Lena stared up at him, this beautiful beastly man in her bedroom rolling her stockings down her legs so gently. She worked her jacket and shirt off while he hiked her skirt down and took in the sight of her in her black lacy bra and panties. His ears were bright red and his breath was gusty huffs, he looked and sounded like a bull about to charge. Lena held her arms out to him, but he shook his head 'no' slightly, looking unsure of his own answer. She could see his cock full against his zipper, she was dying to set it free. When she reached for him he pushed her hands away, then grabbed her legs and flipped her easily onto her chest. She laid there, face down on her blanket, felt the bed weigh down and wobble with his weight as he climbed on to straddle her. He gently rested his body length against her, grinding his hips against her ass, and she reacted like a cat in heat, arching her back to rub up against him, sighing loudly as his hands ran up her sides to reach underneath her and grab her breasts.  
"Lena, oh fuck," he rasped, and unsnapped her bra to free her a little more from her constraints. "Thought about you all day..."  
"I don't want you to go Tommy," she whispered, and she was met with his hungry kiss along her shoulder, her neck, up to her mouth that he forced a sideways kiss on.  
"Me neither, "he gasped, her hand was reaching back and grabbing his cock through the fabric of his jeans. "Mmmmm..." his voice sent a chill through her, and he was sliding her panties off; she could hear his zipper coming down and his cock was hot and hard against her ass, sliding along her skin and leaving a wet trail behind. Her pussy throbbed and pulsed, wanting him to possess her as only he could.  
"Oh God Tommy!" she cried softly and tried to turn over, but he held her fast.  
"No,"he said softly,"I'm fuckin' this all up." Suddenly he was up and she could hear her nightstand drawer opening; she looked sideways and back and saw the massage oil in his hands. "Don't you move girl."  
"Tommy, you don't have to.."  
But when he started rubbing her back she saw stars, her toes curled and she moaned loudly. He worked her shoulders and neck, shoulderblades and ribs. Slowly, so slowly Tommy's strong hands rubbed just hard enough, and she felt the heaviness of the alcohol again, overrunning her blood adrenaline levels. He worked downwards, taking his time, working her buttocks and thighs, down to her calves and feet, then back up again until he ended up rubbing her arms and hands. She was blissed out and dazed, she couldn't barely open her eyes when he was done. She hardly noticed the soft towel on her skin as he wiped her down, removing excess oil and invigorating her skin. Maybe the alcohol had killed it-she was drifting somewhere between sleep and wake states. Tommy was fuzzy and distant and she was leaving too, couldn't stop it.  
When Lena woke from her catnap the candles were guttering out. Tommy was next to her on his side facing her, his skin with all the black ink glistening in a sheen of sweat. He opened his eyes and she could clearly see he had been wide awake the whole time. She turned into his embrace, their bodies tangled in the sheet he had put over them.  
"I'm sorry,"she whispered, "too many shots at work." She nuzzled his neck, the stubble scratching her skin. She kissed his throat, rested her lips against the pulsing vein she found there.  
"Don't apologize,"he whispered back,"I was waiting for you."   
Tommy held her, his hands all over her rubbing, caressing. Lena slid against his heavy muscled body, thinking again how much he was going to change, after four weeks he come back to her much bigger and stronger. Even now he was filling out so quickly, and she ran her hands all over his back and arms, marvelling at his structure. He gently rolled over on top of her, and Lena caressed him with her arms and legs, hands and feet, urging him on. Her nails scratched just enough to make him hiss and sigh.  
"Lena," Tommy was gazing down at her. "You know how sore you're going to be tomorrow?"  
"Yes, Tommy."  
"And you're OK with it?"  
Lena smiled lazily up at him, looked straight into his seastorm grey-blue eyes. "I have four weeks to heal, don't I?"


	18. No Mercy

That was all Tommy needed to hear.  
“I’m gonna make you come so hard Lena,” he growled, “I don’t want you to forget me.” His cock was trapped in the sheet against her leg. All she wanted was to have it inside her, it didn’t matter where. His need made his face flush and sweat, his eyes dilate-it thrilled her to watch his reaction to her. Her heart was exploding in her chest as he tore the sheet away to feel her against him, feel her skin against his. The cry was already rising in her throat, she was reaching between their bodies to grab him, heavy and thick in her hand, the velvety skin sliding against her palm as she stroked him. Tommy took a hissing breath in, glaring down at her. He pushed into her stroke, back and forth, and pressed his burning lips to hers blindly, his tongue darting out to taste her, to fight with her tongue as she reached into his mouth. She looked down and saw his cock thrusting up in her fist, against her thigh, the head was glistening with his excitement-she wanted to remember all this, four weeks felt like a lifetime.  
Suddenly Tommy climbed over her, sliding upside down next to her on his side and pulled her towards him, until he had her on top of him, and she found herself on top of him with his cock pushing against her face and her sex being greedily sucked by his hungry mouth. Her mind went blank, she took him in her mouth and her hands found his balls and the root of his cock-he groaned and nibbled on her clit, his fingers working inside her and finding her slick and hot. She was lost in her own pleasure but somehow found a rhythm on him, her voice humming in her throat as he alternated between attacking her pussy and teasing it, blowing on her burning hot flesh that squelched around his fingers-she wanted him so badly. He pumped upwards into her mouth, and she could taste him now, stinging her lips and tongue. It made her delirious with ecstasy, she was so close now to falling off the edge into insanity.   
Lena couldn’t bear it, she was losing control. She threw her head back and cried out, and Tommy flipped her over, climbed back on top of her, and he was kissing her deeply now, his heavy wet frame on top of her, sliding down until his hips fell in between her legs. He nudged against her aching pussy, and she arched towards it, begging him silently for it.He slid inside with one thrust. She gasped and choked, he filled her completely and her eyes flew open to look into his dark blue eyes glistening, smiling at her. She pulsed the muscles quickly around him, over and over, until he shuddered and had to move, he couldn’t stay still any longer. His full weight bore down on her, he grabbed her ass and held her up as he drove in and out slowly, his head rolling against hers, his face rubbing against hers.   
“Ohh I love your pussy,” he growled in her ear, filling her slowly and pulling back slowly, grinding her into the bed, “I wanna make that motherfucker come…”His voice purred and panted into her ear, she was crying softly into his. His hand slipped down and he rose up just enough to rub her clit, around and around, his thrusts a little faster. Lena tried to hold onto him, her hands slid down his undulating ribs, his back, down to his ass that she tried to grab, but now he was on his knees and holding her up just enough to keep up his relentless rhythm inside her, only now he was pumping into that magic spot, his secret spot. The Earth spun off its axis, the stars exploded in her eyes as her body erupted in wild spasms of fire and ice, agony and ecstasy-she cried his name, every muscle was clenching, her heart as well.  
“Oh fuck, fuck!” She heard herself whispering screams as he hit her hard through it, making her arch up until she was balancing on her head and hands, and Tommy slid his hands up her back to support her, then pulled her towards him until she was on his lap. Her hips immediately found a rhythm and he fell back, letting her take control.   
Lena looked down at him, his ruddy face wet and carnal, his eyes dark and hungry as he watched her ride him. She burned with want, her heart contracted in her throat, and her muscles moved so sinuously-she had never felt for anyone as she did for him. His hands were all over her, and she leaned down to kiss him, her own thrusting making the bed rock. Tommy was gasping, kissing her desperately, his hands finding her hips to slow her down.  
“I can’t, not yet…no,” his voice strangled in his throat, and he had to flip her yet again, it had to stop. She held her breath as he worked his licking biting mouth down her ribs, her belly, down until he fastened onto her clit again-she squealed, she was so sensitive still, but as his fingers worked inside to quickly plunge in and out she realized how fast he could get her back on the uphill rollercoaster climb. Lena looked down to see his head in between her legs, working her into a frenzy-he caught her staring and winked at her, smiling against her sex.   
“Tommy,” she gasped, “please please come here..”  
Tommy rose up silently and urged her without words onto all fours. Lena took in a deep breath as she felt him pressing slowly inside, but he slipped right out again, then just the tip in again, and out, over and over. Deep inside her body tensed, she wanted him to fill her, she tried falling back when he slipped in her, but he jerked back and kept up the torture. She swore she heard him laugh softly as she roared in frustration.  
“Tommy…please..”  
“Please what?” His voice was husky and sexy, sly and playful. “Please, what….Lena?”  
“Tommy, put it in!” Her face flushed. Tommy started rubbing her clit, her entire sex with the tip and she thought she was going to scream.  
“What? Put what in?”  
Lena rubbed back against him, she knew he wasn’t going to give in until she said it, but she was going to torture him then too. He watched her undulate and slide against him and he was holding his breath now as well.  
“Your dick, Tommy, give it to me, please pleeease…” She bent all the way over until her forehead was on the sheets and she was totally exposed before him. She could see behind her from this position and saw him stroking himself, staring at her body, biting his lower lip. “Fill me up, please-“  
Tommy was all over her at once, holding her hips so he could drive in, hard and fast, and then remain motionless. He sighed loudly, and she could feel him throbbing inside of her.  
“Oh God,” he groaned, “you feel so fucking good…I wanna come inside you so bad….”  
Lena moved on him, over him, rocking back and forth and thrusting on him, moaning low. She wanted that too. His hand was on her sex, rubbing and sliding, and she knew it wouldn’t be long for her. Tommy started pushing against her until he had complete control again, and she tried to hold onto something as he picked up speed, making the bed vibrate. His breath was ragged and he pumped her body harder, while she fell to pieces around him, coming endlessly-the only thing she was aware of was his palm rubbing her clit and his cock filling her over and over and the freight train orgasm running through her nervous system, her brain, her entire body. She was falling face first down on the bed, barely able to hold herself up now as the spasms receded. Tommy was wildly thrusting her into oblivion and suddenly pulled out-she could feel hot jets splashing everywhere as he huffed and let out a loud deep cry. She felt him rubbing against her, leaving a trail behind as he shuddered out the rest of his orgasm on her.  
“TommyTommyTommy…”she was whispering his name mindlessly, over and over as she slid down to lay on the bed. Tommy got up and grabbed a towel to clean her off, and then he was beside her, kissing her and holding her tightly to him-he didn’t care how wet or hot they were, he was not letting go. He wrapped them in the sheet and kept at her, kissing her deeply and slowly. Lena held him in her arms, rubbing his back, his shoulders, his neck, finally holding his face, the stubble scratching at her palms.  
“Lena,” he whispered, “you’ll wait for me?” His face was against her neck, kissing and mouthing.  
She sighed, his gentle touch sending chills down her spine. Her nipples hardened and he slid lower to suckle on them, massage her breasts.  
“Of course Tommy,” she whispered, “how could you ask me that, can’t you see how crazy I am about you?” She forced him to look at her, look her in the eyes. She could see the worry there, his desperate expression.  
“I hate this,” he spat, sounding frustrated, “I hate feeling like this…” His face was back down and burying in her breasts again.  
“Hate what, feeling like what?” Lena stroked his head, her fingers tangled in his wet hair.  
“Not sure if you won’t leave me too.” His voice was just above a whisper, and he rested his head on her belly, caressing her hips.  
Lena didn’t know what to say, what to do for a moment. She held him as best she could, and he clung to her, but wouldn’t budge, didn’t want to face her. The moment was too raw for him.  
“Tommy….I’m not going anywhere.” She took his hand from her hip and kissed his palm. “I don’t want anyone but you.”  
He nodded but still didn’t move, just nuzzled his face against her skin. They lay like that for a while, Lena caressing his head and holding his hand to her chest. She felt alarmed and hurting for him-he was admitting something to her tonight, the loneliness and anger that he carried with him had served to protect him all this time, and his defenses were coming down with her, and he wanted to make sure she was still going to be around before he could go any further with her. That, and the fact that he had lived with his pain in solitude for so long-it protected him yes, but also cursed him to walk the Earth alone-he had broken most of his rules with her, couldn’t keep promises to himself, and let his guard down. He was terrified she would abandon him too. Lena shivered with the daunting mountain she was willing to climb with him, a big cold sheer rock wall of damaged emotion. She wanted to make it over the other side with him, she wanted him to feel the sun again, instead of being trapped in the shadows with his dark rage and sadness as his only company.  
She looked down at him, his arms holding her and his head on her stomach, and she realized how deep she was getting. Her connection to him was like a thick rope of fine titanium threads, shiny and glistening but stronger than steel. Her eyes stung. Between her father’s birthday card and Tommy’s neediness surfacing she was done in. She tried to yank him up but he was so heavy. Slowly he picked his head up and looked at her cock-eyed.  
“You really think you can pull me up?” He half-smiled at her, and slowly climbed up her body, dragging himself along her as he went. “Hmmm…little Lena,” he whispered, his full slightly swollen lips coming so close to hers. “Happy happy birthday, doll.” He smiled his crooked-tooth grin, the one she loved, and she cupped his jaw in her palms to pull him down and kiss him.  
“Thank you,” she said, smiling too. “How did you get in here anyway?”  
He grinned. “Can’t tell you…but I will buy you a new doorknob.”  
Lena laughed. “You scared the shit out of me,” she said. “I needed to see you, talk to you all day. I didn’t expect you to be in my apartment.”  
Tommy looked at her lips, sucked his own, looked back into her eyes. “I saw Cal at the gym. He was pissy. Told me you love cashew chicken and that you’d be home after 9.” He snickered. “He really hates me.”  
“He’ll get over it eventually. So what’s going on with your dad, what’s going to happen with him? Isn’t court Monday morning?”  
Tommy nodded. “Yep. I’ve already talked to Brendan, he wants to shove him in a treatment facility. Great idea, but…”he sighed. “It’s one we’ve tried before.”  
Lena caressed his face, his averted eyes went stormy grey. “If there’s anything I can do, please let me know.”  
He nodded, caressing her hair thoughtlessly as he focused his gaze on something else random in the room.  
“I got a birthday card from my dad tonight.” She felt a hitch rising in her throat and she swallowed it down. “Were you around during…that whole thing? In the neighborhood?”  
He looked at her, and his eyes were a hot blurred glare.  
“When I get back I’m hoping you can meet Brendan. We don’t get along very well…but he says he remembers you, and he filled in a lot of the blanks… I’m sorry, Lena. I was already gone with my mom. But I heard about it, it made the papers in Tacoma.”  
Lena shook her head, closing her eyes. “Such a mess. My dad and brother are both gone…I wish I could see them.”   
Tommy wrapped his arms around her and kissed her gently. “You will,” he whispered, “one day soon.” His voice was sweet and deep, caressing her just as his hands were. Lena’s eyes burned and she choked back a sob.  
“Hope so…” she kissed his chest, his collarbone, his neck. “Ah Tommy…I wish these four weeks were already gone.” Hot tears slid down from her eyes and met his skin. He pulled back and wiped her face with his hands.  
“Don’t…Lena.” He kissed her sweetly, softly. His eyes were red too, she wondered what the trigger was for him this time. She kissed him back, pushed her tongue in between his full lips, past his teeth. Her hands rubbed his chest, she gently scratched the sparse hair there and down, and Tommy huffed a breath out as he kissed her back with growing urgency.  
“Yes,” she whispered. “Tommy I need you.”   
“I’m here,” he rasped, and pushed his body against hers, surging with need.


	19. Afraid of Coming Down

Lena was breathless beneath him, he was everything she never knew she needed, his touch was soothing and exhilarating. She was crazy about him, and he was devouring her-she felt her heart and soul was in his mouth with her flesh as he moved down her neck, her collarbone, her chest and then her breasts, he was going to leave her an empty shell tonight. Four long weeks.  
Tommy looked up at her as her neared her hipbones, his face hot and swollen with rapacious hunger, his dark hair wet, eyes riveting and dilated black in the dimming light of the room. The candles were almost out, and she could barely make out his face as he pushed his head in between her thighs. Her eyes stung as his soft burning lips teased her sex, gently, sweetly, so belying the passion he felt to consume her whole. Lena moaned low in her throat,her voice breaking in a squelched sob. Tommy's large callused hands caressed her ribs, rubbed down to her thighs as he pushed harder against her with his hungry mouth. Waves of warm pleasure comforted her-he was the key to her concupiscence. She wanted him still, even as he kissed her deeply there, at the core of her body, the center of her throbbing need for him. She was greedy for him, lustful and always left wanting.  
"Tommy..."she growled, taking a page from his book,"come here, come here now."  
As he rose up to look at her, wanting to slide up, Lena slid down, forcing him onto his back. She wanted to return the favor. His eyes burned into her, he was silent and if she hadn't known him a little better she would have thought he was pissed at her the way he looked at her. She straddled him, teasing him with her sex rubbing against the tip of his cock. She wanted his full lips against hers, and she kissed him, sliding her breasts against his chest, her long hair falling in a curtain around his head. Tommy caressed her face as she held his, her fingers sliding down his cheeks to his perfect rounded chin, she opened his mouth wider with hers, licking his tongue, biting his bottom lip, and he groaned in approval. She spread her kiss down his chin, over his throat that he exposed to her as he pushed back into the pillow, allowing her to chew and feast on him. Her fingernails tangled in his chest hair as she worked down to nibble on his tight ruby-red nipples;she blew on them until they were so hard it hurt him. Tommy gently grabbed a handful of her hair, already losing patience. Lena pulled away and caressed his muscled belly that heaved under her touch, until she reached his hips where his cock surged against her insistently. She caught it in her mouth, tasting him, slowly lowering down on him until she had him almost totally engulfed, and she held still, suckling softly just to drive him mad. Tommy twisted beneath her, his breath caught in his throat. She took her time, relishing the precious little time she had to exert control over his animalistic drive over her. He held his breath as she picked up speed, her hands joined in, stroking him, pulling him up and up until he had to stop her, the pleasure was too great and he was losing it.  
"Oh no you don't," he said gruffly, forcing her shoulders back so she had to pull away. He sat up quickly to meet her, kiss her lustfully, driven wild with his urge to possess her entirely. Tommy pulled her onto his lap and slipped right inside her, making her gasp into his kiss. "Oh yeah," he groaned, half-smiling in between his kisses on her chin and throat. "You're all mine," he whispered, thrusting up into her, so deep she couldn't catch her breath. Her hands were gripping his wide shoulders, she was trying not to scratch him as he rocked her spot over and over. "Tell me, tell me,"he rasped, lowering her onto her back, never separating from her, "tell me you're mine..."  
Lena was already coming, there was no way to stop it. Tommy was an assault on her system, she was pushed to the brink physically as he filled her repeatedly, she loved the way he smelled and tasted, musky sweat, sweet and salty; and when she opened her eyes all she could see was his perfect muscled frame working her body into a puddle. Lena cried his name, over and over as he pummeled her through the wild mind-bending explosion that never stopped, just broke through the bottom of her understanding and rationale, into a soundless spasm that joined her with the Universe and all its deep starry endlessness.  
"I love you," she said softly, opening her eyes and looking up into Tommy's wet face, half-lit by the moonglow from her window. He scowled at her and dropped down onto her, holding her in a bear-hug as he throttled her body with his angry thrusts into her. His voice was a gasping cry in her ear and she felt him shake all over; she wrapped her legs around him and trapped him to her, and he came hard inside her, his body curved with the intensity, at last jerking and shuddering to a stop. He crumbled on top of her, and she held him, caressing his wet skin, kissing his cheek as he rested against her, trying so hard to breathe.  
Tommy lay in her arms, shivering and gasping for air, and Lena didn't stop touching him, rubbing him, kissing him wherever her lips could reach. He stayed there for a long time until he could raise his head to look at her. She touched his face and he took her hands away, holding them in his and pinning them to the bed. She felt strange as he stared at her, searching her face in the near-dark.  
"Did you mean that?"  
Lena cocked her head. "Yes." She tried so hard to read his expression but it was too dark.  
Tommy sighed. "You don't know me, Lena...you don't know me." He still didn't let her go, still kept her pinned. Still stared. She was a little unsure of what he was feeling.  
She took a deep breath in. "Better than you think. Tommy...don't ruin it. Believe it. Please. I would do anything for you." She tried to raise her arms but he held her fast.  
"You have no idea what I am, who I am."  
"No you hide yourself pretty well. But I'm used to hurt and self-preservation. I know what that means Tommy. You don't want anyone in. But I already am."  
Tommy was so still above her, and she hated that she couldn't gauge his reaction. She felt hot drops of sweat? tears? fall on her skin. He finally rolled off her, pulling out of her, and she had almost forgotten that he had come inside her this time. She took a deep breath, refusing to worry about it now. She looked over at him-in the moonlight she could see him there beside her, idlly rubbing his side, his face turned away from her towards the window. She forced herself up and out of bed, heading towards the bathroom. If he was going to shut down she wasn't going to push at him and turn their last night together for a while into a fight.  
When Lena came back out she found Tommy rolled up in a blanket, turned away from her on his side. She crept into bed and pulled the blanket over her, quiet and slow-moving. His hand was reaching back and grabbing at her, pulling her to him so she cuddled up behind him, tight and tender, her hands eager to touch him, her lips kissing on his back, and then she was resting with her cheek to his shoulderblade.  
"Lena..."his voice was thick and cracked. "You know I..I have feelings for you too. I just can't..."  
"What Tommy?" She tried to see over his shoulder to look at him, but it was useless. Then she felt the hitch in his ribs and she knew she had set his world sideways again.  
"Can't handle it all...not yet." He grabbed her hand and kissed her knuckles, wet warm kisses that made her tingle.  
"It's OK, Tommy...there's no pressure you know. I didn't say it so you would say it back..I wish I could take it back, if I had known it was going to upset you so-"  
"No, Lena, not upset..." He started turning on his side so he was facing her now, and she took his face in her hands. Wet hot tears on her palms. "I just been tryin' not to feel for so long....and you make me feel. No choice. I can't let you go." His kiss was salty and soft, his arms wrapped around her and she was shivering with the chill he gave her through her body-she felt him inside her, her heart shifted and her soul opened to his. "Don't ever take it back...unless you didn't mean it."  
"Oh Tommy..."she kissed his face, smoothing his brow, scratching his scalp gently. "You have to know I did."  
He held her tight to him and didn't say another word, just shushed her, stilled her. He had to squeeze every last drop of the peace and quiet she gave him, because the next month without her would be hell.


	20. Hovering

Lena couldn’t remember when she had drifted off again, but it was morning when she opened her eyes again. The sun was filtered and pale in her room, and she could hear the birds outside- it was officially Sunday. One last day before Tommy left, one day before the big doctor appointment with Cal’s mom Rita.   
She looked around the room and did not see any sign of Tommy. The clock read 8:45. Her phone was silent and she was amazed to see she had not missed any calls or messages.  
“Damn,” she grumbled, rolling out of bed to get in the shower. Her apartment felt abandoned and empty to her suddenly- she always thought of it as her safe spot, away from everyone and everything. When things got rough she always had her sanctuary. But all the current events had driven her to the edge of uneasiness. She needed a breather, some time to get everything gathered together in her mind and organize it all.  
Lena took her time, got dressed up, fixed her hair and makeup, felt a little better. Just before she headed out the door, she noticed a bunch of white roses in a vase next to a small box on her coffee table- she tore the box open and found a doorknob inside with a note that read-“Good morning. I will fix this today. Thank you for another amazing night. Love, T.”  
She was grinning like the Cheshire Cat, stuffing the note into her purse and heading out the door.  
First stop was the restaurant. She had to see Vince and thank him for getting her snookered and then sent home. The restaurant was just opening for Sunday brunch, and the 10AM church crowds were coming in. Vince was posted by the bar, talking to his staff, when Lena walked up and hugged him from behind.  
“Good morning,” she smiled, and Vince half-hugged her back.  
“Hey kid, glad to see you made it.” He was dressed impeccably as always, in a cream shirt and pale lavender tie, silver cufflinks today. “We were just talking about you.”  
Lena blushed, matching her maroon fitted button-up shirt.  
“Umm, and why is that?”  
“Well I’m going to be going out of town after all, kid, and you’re going to run this place with Butch while I’m gone.” Vince looked at her matter-of-factly, and Lena broke out in a wide grin, flooded with relief.  
“That’s great Uncle, when are you going?”  
“Leaving Wednesday, come back next Monday night. Think you and Big Red can handle that?”  
Lena nodded, trying not to look like she was happy he was leaving, but she really was happy he was leaving. “You got it boss.”  
Vince looked his staff over, looking a little stern. “OK guys, you got that? Starting Wednesday Lena is your boss. Butch will run the kitchen as always but you deal with him if Lena’s not around. Everybody got it? And if you are all well-behaved while I’m gone I may bring you home a present. We shall see.” Vince looked around the little group and nodded. “OK, break! Take care of the customers, kids, they sign your paychecks!”  
Vince turned to look at Lena as the staff scattered off. “You look really nice, kid. Better than you should for as much as you drank last night.” He winked. “So you going over your mom’s tonight for dinner? Heard she was rolling out the lasagna trays!”  
“Yeah Unc, you comin’?”  
He led her past the bar, through the kitchen and into the office. “Nah kid, I gotta take a raincheck on that. I’m sorry, hope you understand. I have to get Butch ready, leave him a checklist in case you’re in class and he can’t get things done while I’m gone.”  
Lena smiled at him, sitting down in her favorite chair in the office. “This was sudden, what changed?”  
“Ah, you know how charming I can be, she couldn’t hate me forever!” Vince laughed but there was an edge of bitterness there. “I think it’s what we need, you know, a break from the same shit. I gotta admit I been tearing my hair out, Karina has been actin’ up lately, I swear she’s gonna make that new kid Louis quit, Butch almost burned down the kitchen last night after he came back from dropping you off-“  
“What?!”  
“Yeah I know, look I don’t wanna get into it, was a stupid mistake someone else made, but how the fuck did I not know Butch is afraid of fire? Jesus Christ he’s a fuckin’ cook-“ Vince stopped himself, looking up at her wearily. “Listen to me, fuckin’ rantin’. Look Lee, you’re gonna be awright. Butch has a fire extinguisher that I taught him how to use now-“ both Lena and Vince cracked up, “so the worst thing you gotta worry about is a couple of our kids here, they are getting’ tired of Karina’s shit. Sammy tried to put his two weeks in, I gave him a raise and made him barback a couple nights a week.”  
“Shit boss, when did all this happen?”  
“Last night really, you had already left, some of it was goin’ down already though. So I’m thinking about giving Karina a week off to get her shit together. That way you don’t have to worry about nothin’. I think that will alleviate a lot of stress.” Vince rubbed his forehead.  
“Wow, Uncle…I’m sorry.”  
“What you sorry for?!?” Vince looked at her like she was crazy.  
“Cuz, I didn’t realize this was going on, I feel so stupid…”  
“No no no, you got school. I know you been busy. This isn’t your restaurant, not yet. But you are gonna run it while I’m gone, and I know you can handle it. Just don’t let Butch near the grill when someone spills some grappa, OK?”  
Lena and Vince laughed together, Lena imagining a great big guy like Butch freaking out over a fire plume in the back kitchen. “Awright Lee, get outta here, I got a big crowd out there. Love you, see you tomorrow night. And happy birthday again.” He kissed her cheek and they walked out onto the floor together. Vince was right, it was going to be a busy day- it was already getting noisy and packed.  
“Bye!” she called, waving to Vince and heading for the door. Louis and Sam were behind the bar, waving and smiling, wishing her a happy birthday, and while she waved goodbye to them she wasn’t watching the door close enough, and she bumped right into Colt and Tommy, both of them dressed up sharply, Tommy even had a black tie and black blazer on, hair slicked back, looking like Irish mafia, form-fitting black slacks and shiny black shoes. He couldn’t hide his grin when he saw her, looked her over too, stared at her legs in her tight little knee-length skirt, his eyes slowly travelling up her midsection to her open-collared shirt and her dark hair that framed her face in soft waves. Lena and Tommy just stood still, staring and smiling at each other for a moment, unsure of what to do in front of everybody.  
“Uhmm, hi,”he said softly, smiling wider. “You look…amazing.”  
“So do you…wow. Sharp,” she said, and straightened his tie a little for him, if only just to get close to him. Colt stood to the side and rolled his eyes.  
“Alright you two, knock it off. Got things to do today.” Colt’s voice sounded rough but he smiled and winked at Lena conspiratorially as he passed her, leading Tommy to the bar where Vince was already waiting, watching the exchange between his niece and Tommy, his expression blank.  
“Hey I’ll call you when I get out of here,” he whispered, and leaned in and kissed her cheek. Her face flushed and she smiled as he drew back-the world had stopped for that brief moment, she looked into his eyes-light blue today.  
“Ok,” she whispered back, and she felt a little pinch on her ass as she passed him to head out the door. When she shot him a look back he was looking back too, and he winked at her. Lena felt on top of the world as she got into her car. Next stop was Momma Rossi’s, had to take her shopping for the birthday bash.


	21. When It Hits The Fan...

Lena pulled up to the little brownstone townhome where she used to live. It was a normal day, kids out playing in the street, someone was firing up their grill already, she could smell the burning charcoal as the smoke was caught in the cool breeze of the late morning. She opened the front door without knocking and found her mom in the kitchen, wearing a hideous apron and stirring a vat of sauce on the stovetop.  
“Hey sweetie,” Senna smiled wide and hugged Lena to her tightly. It had been a while since Lena had been home, and she felt like shit about it. “Happy birthday!! Are you ready to pig out tonight?”  
Lena laughed. “Oh yeah, and I know Cal is for sure! Is Rita coming too?”  
Senna winked. “She wouldn’t miss this for the world, you know that. I only make lasagna once a year!” She pulled Lena over to the stove. “Here, taste this…does it need anything?”  
Lena tasted the tomato sauce and moaned. “Oh my God Mom, why can’t I get my sauce to taste like yours? No matter how hard I try….it never tastes this good.”  
“That’s a mother’s love you taste in there, child. When you have kids they will tell you the same thing, it’s the same question I always asked my mom!!” Senna undid her apron and started hustling over to the door, and she slipped on her shoes-horrible black Crocs that Cal bought her a while back. Lena laughed out loud.  
“Damn Mom, you still have those things? Remind me to get you a new pair of shoes. Soon.”  
“What’s wrong with these, I love ‘em!”  
“Oy!” Lena locked the door behind them, and they headed out. “You need some nice old lady shoes.”  
“Old lady?! Watch it kid.” Senna plopped into Lena’s car. “Why does it smell in here?”  
Lena looked at her like she was crazy. “What?”  
“I dunno….smells…weird. You been goin’ to the bar?”  
Lena shook her head and laughed. “Mom? I work in a restaurant that doubles as a bar? Is it me, do I smell strange?”  
“I don’t know, let’s go already. We don’t have all day!”  
At the store Lena and Senna split up, grabbing noodles and cheese and pans. Lena knew her mom usually had everything she needed, and normally this would have already been done, but Lena had been a little busy as of late.  
Lena’s phone rang and it was Cal, no doubt making sure everything was going smoothly.  
“Hello Master of Disaster!” Lena was smiling into the phone.  
“Why didn’t you tell me your dad sent you a birthday card?!?”  
Lena looked confused. “How the fuck do you know?”  
“I saw Butch at the corner store earlier, and he told me about it. What did it say?”  
Lena sighed. “He wasn’t supposed to tell anyone and you know why Cal! I wanted to tell everyone tonight at the table, so if you don’t mind, I would appreciate it if you kept your trap shut!”  
Cal laughed. “Me? Of course, darling. But you better talk to your boy, he’s going to have it all over the hood if you don’t shut him up.”  
“On it right now,” she said, and immediately called Vince. When she told him what had happened, he got so quiet she swore she lost the connection.  
“Hello?”  
Vince sighed loudly. “Goddammit I really wanted this vacation. I don’t want to fire him, Lee. What the hell do I do?”  
“Chew him out I suppose?”  
“Yeah but…who knows how many people he told already? Damn I’ve always trusted him before…lemme go talk to him. I’ll talk to you later.”  
Vince hung up. Senna was staring at Lena in the pasta aisle. She couldn’t remember seeing her there before.  
“What’s this? Did I hear right?”  
Lena winced. “Yeah Mom, I was going to tell you tonight…”  
“Why didn’t Vince tell me himself? Where’s the card? What the hell is wrong with you two?!?”  
“Alright Mom, you’re gonna make a scene, can we just check out and get out of here, so I can tell you in the car?”  
Senna glared at her for a moment. “I have a mind to throw the sauce out and forget this whole thing. I can’t believe you didn’t tell me right away!”  
Lena made gestures for her mom to shut it down. It was busy in the grocery store-no further unwanted attention was necessary. They had just made it out of the store in one piece, and Lena already had a headache. All she could think about was Tommy, she wanted to invite him tonight, but she knew he would be uncomfortable, with Cal there glaring at him, and Rita and Senna there to question him endlessly. Lena didn’t want to miss her window of opportunity to be with him again, the day was going to fly by in a matter of hours and then he would be gone for what seemed like an eternity.

Lena explained everything to her mom in the car. Senna sat silently afterwards, and Lena knew how upset she was, but couldn’t do anything to change it. They reached the brownstone to find Rita sitting on the steps, waiting for them.  
“Hey happy birthday stranger!” Rita was a few years younger than Senna, and she still had her looks too- long dark hair, dazzling blue eyes. She hugged Lena to her with all her might, and whispered, “Thank you for coming with us tomorrow…I know you’ll be in the waiting room, and I’m sorry, but it will give Cal the strength he needs just knowing you’re there.” She kissed Lena’s cheek and smiled at her warmly. Until she saw Senna in a froth. “Hey Sen, what’s going on?”  
Senna turned and shook her head as she unlocked the front door. “This family has no end of secrets, that’s what.” And she went inside. Rita turned and looked at Lena, taken aback. Lena was digging the packages out of the hatchback.  
“Lena, does she know about you and Tommy?”  
Lena dropped everything in her hands back into the trunk. “Are you kidding me, where did you hear that?”  
“C’mon Lena, Cal’s my son, and I still talk to Colt, almost every day. Cal’s been in denial, because I told him what Colt told me.”  
Lena looked at Rita expectantly. “Yeah? And what’s that?”  
Rita smiled her warm smile again. “Colt told me Tommy’s been doing better, acting better lately. Not as hard to manage. He thinks it’s because of you, that you’re helping Tommy to come out of his…shell, I guess is how he put it. Whatever you’re doing Lena, keep it up. I know that family from way back. I know Paddy, Tommy’s dad, very well. But I had to give up helping him though.” Rita rubbed Lena’s hands, watching tears well up in her eyes. “Don’t cry honey. Maybe you can help Tommy in ways I couldn’t help Paddy.”  
Lena looked into Rita’s sky blue eyes, Cal’s eyes. “Did- were….did you and Paddy…?”  
Rita didn’t give anything away in her expression, but she was quiet for a moment.  
“I tried to help him the same way he helped me. You know Brendan was like another son to me. After what Paddy did, and Tommy and Molly took off…they didn’t have anyone, and then when…Ted passed,” Rita’s face was pained, too many memories,“- our families got kind of mixed up together. But no, it never went that deep with Paddy. Oh God, I can’t imagine it…after I saw what he did to Molly, I don’t blame her for running away. No one ever heard from them. I always hoped and prayed she would call me, but no call ever came.”  
Lena hugged Rita again. “Love you Auntie Rita.” She kissed her cheek. “Thank you for telling me that. I figured after the way Cal reacted no one was going to be very understanding.”  
Rita shook her head, smiling. “Cal will always be your brother. He’s just looking after you. Tommy is a mess, he spent seven months in jail. Before that he was in custody for two months with that busted shoulder trying to heal. Colt told me everything. If you have any questions I would go talk to Colt if I were you. But Cal wants to protect you. Try to understand.”  
Senna burst out the front door. “Lena, bring the stuff in! We can’t wait any more!” She was still pissed, her voice had that mean-mom sound that was like nails on a chalkboard.  
“Give me the packages, Lena. Go meet Cal at the gym, please? He’s stressing out pretty bad, went to try to sweat it out.”  
Lena shook her head. “Seems like someone is always trying to make it easier on me. Let me at least bring the stuff in, OK?”  
Rita nodded and went inside, holding the door open for Lena.  
“You’re still a kid, Lena,” Rita smiled, “maybe we just want you to have a little more of being a kid than we did.”  
Lena was so close to tears on the drive to the gym. Her phone was buzzing in her purse and she really couldn’t have cared less about it, feeling such a mix of emotions. She was happy Tommy was doing better since being with her, sad he was leaving after the revealing information she was given, hurt to know she was causing pain to others, sad about her father and David-still no word, even on her birthday weekend. She had dimly hoped he would find a way to contact her, but she knew from families that had loved ones in Afghanistan; sometimes the closer they were to the front lines the harder the possibility of communication became.  
She knew she had a change of clothes in her locker at the gym, and she hustled inside the gym and headed straight back to the locker room to change. It was busy for a Sunday morning, and everybody noticed her dressed like a business professional. Several guys gawked at her as she came back out in her gym clothes, tight faded black yoga pants and an old grey Colt’s Gym t-shirt, and ratty tennis shoes. Back-up clothes were sometimes the worst.  
Lena looked everywhere but couldn’t find Cal anywhere. She was about to give up, but she saw Cal’s silver Ridgeline in the parking lot- he had to be here. Finally she approached the front desk, where Ginger Henry was manning the phones while another guy, completely non-descript to her, ran the desk.  
“Henry,” she whispered loudly, gesturing at him, “where’s Cal?”  
Henry looked at her quizzically for a minute, then pointed to Colt’s office upstairs. Shit, she thought, now what? She jogged up the stairs and tapped on the frosted glass door.   
“Who is it?” she heard a gruff voice-Colt’s- bellow.  
“It’s Lena,” she called back. The door opened and inside was Tommy, Colt, Cal and some other guy she vaguely recognized. Cal looked the most shocked to see her.  
“What the fuck are you doing here?” he asked, disbelieving.  
Lena looked around the room, everyone looking very grim. “Um, do you want me to come back, or…”  
“No Lena, you just stay put,” Colt said, his voice sounding tired. “You should probably be here too.”  
Lena gingerly walked into the room, towards Tommy, who held a hand out to her. He was dressed in ratty gym clothes too and his eyes looked swollen, like he had been fighting again. Lena approached him and he pulled her to him to kiss her cheek. She could see his upper lip was swollen more than normal too.  
“Lena,” he said, and his voice was ragged, “this is my brother, Brendan.” Tommy gestured to the man leaning against the windowsill. He was ruggedly handsome, like Tommy, like Paddy must have been once, and though she tried she could not really see an age difference between Tommy and Brendan.   
Lena took the large paw Brendan extended to her and they shook hands. “Hi, nice to meet you.” His smile was forced and fleeting. Clearly there was something going on that she had completely interrupted. Cal was just staring at her, and she narrowed her eyes at him.  
Colt cleared his throat. “OK, you guys already know the rules-no fighting in my goddamn gym UNLESS it’s in the ring guided by the trainers. Today was out of control and will not happen again or I’m getting rid of you right now and you will be kicked the fuck out of here.”   
“I’m sorry, Colt,” Brendan said, and his accent was just as pronounced as Tommy’s. “Won’t happen again.”  
Colt looked pointedly at Tommy. “You need to chill the fuck out, Tommy. Brendan’s trying to help, I know you been stressin’ ‘bout your pops. Let Brendan do what he can. And Cal…I know you want to go work at that uh,gym or whatever it is downtown, if I double your pay will you stick around and help out around here? I can’t be havin’ this place run into the ground.”  
Cal nodded. “Sure Uncle, I’ll do it, you don’t have to pay me anything extra. That other gym is trying to pull some bitch shit anyway.”  
Colt nodded. “Good. Thanks. So now…we need to talk about Paddy.” He looked at the two brothers and shook his head. Tommy clutched Lena to his side tighter, looking at Colt, his face blank but his eyes glowered dark with fury that Lena could not fathom yet. “Brendan, you got a place picked out already?”  
“Yeah, it’s all ready-“  
“I told you,”Tommy growled menacingly, “he’s just gonna bust out of there. He already told me he ain’t goin’ into a fuckin’ home.”  
“Tommy, this ain’t a home,” Brendan countered, his voice full of older-brother authority. “It’s a twelve step program. He’s gonna be forced to do it through the court anyway-“  
“Yeah you and your fuckin’ attorney really cookin’ up some schemes, you ain’t ever here Brendan, you don’t know what the fuck is goin’ on anyway-“  
The brothers looked about to fight, for the second time apparently, thought Lena, and Colt was interrupting to stop it before it happened.  
“Hey. Tommy. What did I say? Your pop can’t be left with a nurse or somethin’ like that. He has to go into a program. I looked at the charges, he’s gonna be forced into one of the state programs and you don’t want him to go in those fuckin’places. He can get his hands on alcohol in there, there’s all kinds of shit goin’ on in those joints. Alright? It’s to the point that the term ‘halfway house’ was in the paperwork. Paddy can avoid all that if he checks into Mercy Behavioral on his own.”  
“Yeah I know, but it’s not willingly.” Tommy looked exasperated, as if he had been explaining this over and over and no one was listening. Lena grabbed his free hand that rested across her hip and squeezed it as he rubbed his face and pinched his brow with his other hand. “I already checked into Mercy Behavioral, and they won’t keep him longer for more than three days because he doesn’t meet the requirements for anything more.”  
Brendan shook his head. “There’s another place that I checked into Colt, it’s a two week hospitalization, then it goes outpatient. I can take him in after that so Tommy can do his lab.”  
Tommy’s face was scornful and irritated, but he said nothing. Only he had been dealing with Paddy since he got out of jail. Brendan had hired someone to check on Paddy once but the nurse left after Paddy almost killed him one night, drunk and thinking he was an intruder in his house.  
Colt nodded his head in silent agreement and then looked at Tommy. “Well? Can you live with that Tommy?”  
Tommy shrugged, shaking his head. “It doesn’t matter. You’ll all see what I’m sayin’ is true.”  
Colt just glared at Tommy. “OK so that’s a yes. Brendan, make the call. He gets out tomorrow morning. Our flight is at 7:15, so we won’t make it-“  
“Yeah,” nodded Brendan, “don’t worry, I’ll be there first thing in the morning. You know how it is over there, they make you sit and rot just for fun.”  
Colt nodded to Cal. “Thanks for breakin’ these two up, Cal. Did you ice your shoulder?”  
Lena looked alarmingly at Cal. He was rubbing his left bicep and shoulder.   
“Yeah Uncle Colt, don’t worry about that. I was in the right time at the right place.” He glanced over at Tommy, glared at him, then looked away. “It’s funny cuz I was going to get back in the ring and spar today, guess I got a sign from God not to.”  
The air was thick with the built-up tension. Lena wanted to leave but Tommy held her fast. His eyes slid to the side so he could look at her. She couldn’t tell what he was thinking but the angry dark grey cast of his eyes gave her a pretty good idea. Tommy was pissed and coiled tight like a snake about to strike. The room had fallen silent and Lena realized everyone was looking at her.   
Colt sighed loudly. “OK…Lena. You can guess I figured out what’s goin’ on with you and Tommy. Vince was not too happy with it, and I had an opportunity come up for Tommy that would keep you two apart for a while. But I talked to Vince today and he’s come around a little bit-“  
“I don’t see why,” Cal muttered, and Tommy stood up straight, glaring at him.  
“Hey!” Colt yelled. “Lemme say what I need to say!” He cleared his throat. “So I think everything is gonna be cool. I see the effect it’s had on Tommy and I was worried about your uncle pullin’ out and Tommy gettin’ sidetracked…but I want to give you guys my blessing. I hope it works out. It ain’t gonna be easy, I postponed two of Tommy’s fights to get him into this lab but he’s gonna be travelling a lot when he gets back next month. So you guys are gonna have your shit to handle, just don’t bring it here is all I ask. Keep it out of the gym, do you understand?” He looked pointedly at Lena, and she nodded and averted his stare, already feeling like she did something wrong.  
“Y’know..”Colt laughed out loud bitterly. “I remember when all of you were kids, and things were so much easier. Everybody get your shit together, I’m doin’ my part. You do yours. That’s all I have. If any of you got anything to say you better do it now, I don’t want any more bullshit in my gym.”  
The room was so quiet Lena could drop a pin and it would shatter glass.  
“OK get out of my office, I got shit to do.” Colt plopped down in his chair and everyone started leaving, quietly shuffling out the door. Brendan half-smiled at Lena and she half-smiled back. He seemed like a nice guy. Lena remembered seeing him through her childhood here and there, seeing him in Colt's office triggered a few distant memories. He was the nice kid in the neighborhood that fought bullies off other kids, and fought for money after school. She remembered him teaching Cal a little jiu-jitsu in the yard. Long time ago…  
“Hey.” Tommy stopped Cal. “Look I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hit you-“  
“Yeah I know,” Cal spat. “Thanks.” He stalked off and followed Brendan down the stairs to the main gym. Lena stopped Tommy and looked at him questioningly. He didn’t say a word, just looked back at her. She could see how worn out he really was. He was an old man in a younger man’s body, his eyes were devoid of anger and all that was left was exhaustion.  
“Wanna talk later?” She kissed the swollen knuckles of his right hand. Tommy nodded, and then took her in his arms. His ragged shirt was soft and she slid her hands around and all over his back, kissing his neck. “OK, cuz I wanna know what the hell happened.”  
“Why’ncha ask Cal, I’m sure he’ll tell you everything.” Tommy’s voice was like lead shrapnel, deep, sharp and grating. “I just don’t want to right now, I’m sorry. We still seeing each other tonight?”  
Lena pulled back and looked into his eyes;she could see some of the blue returning. She sighed in relief.  
“Yeah…but it has to be later. I’m goin' to my mom’s for dinner.”  
“Oh, OK,” he said softly, and his hand was on her face. “I don’t care how late, just need to see you.”  
Lena kissed his palm. “I know how you feel.”  
Colt’s office door flew open. “What did I say, not here!” Colt yelled, and he slammed the door shut. Tommy giggled out loud and it was the best sound to Lena, it made her laugh too.  
“C’mon,” Tommy said, pulling her to the stairs,”Let’s get out of here.”


	22. Only Hours Left

Lena grabbed her stuff out of the locker and joined Tommy outside. No sign of Cal’s truck, no doubt he and Brendan took off to go catch up at some bar somewhere. She refused to feel guilty as Tommy hopped in her hatchback- she just wanted to spend a little time with him…  
She looked into his eyes, blue like the Carribean sea, his swollen lips hot pink, his angled face half-smiling at her. Every part of her body reacted.  
“Why you turnin’ red, huh?” He broke out in a big grin and she burst out laughing. “No, c’mon little girl…say it.”  
“Well the day isn’t turning out the way I planned, but there’s nowhere else I would rather be than sitting next to you.” Her smile faded and she was staring at his mouth, leaning forward. Tommy kissed her sweetly, tracing his tongue along her bottom lip.  
“Your place, Lena,” he rasped softly, his fingers running down her neck and throat. Lena immediately started the car and sped off, eager to get to her apartment. It felt like every second counted, and she was going to make the most of this stolen time she had.  
Lena and Tommy had just crossed the threshold to her apartment and Lena was stripping her clothes off while Tommy locked the door, turning into the sight of her baring her skin so quickly. He started to smile but his own urge was overwhelming, all he wanted was to feel her against him, giving him that peace and warmth he craved from her. He crossed the floor towards her, quickly shedding his shirt and sweats, and as Lena tore her tank off she was met by Tommy’s bare skin against hers, his mouth pressing hard to hers as her face emerged from the chokehold of her tank. She grasped his face, his stubbled cheeks in her palms-she wanted to kiss him forever, bury herself in his want for her that matched her own need for him. Tommy grabbed her leg and lifted it to pin her to him, so he could slide her over his hips and down on to his cock, his voice a deep groan vibrating through her. She shuddered against him, her teeth catching his lips in a gentle biting kiss-she loved the feel of him all around her, inside her, and now looking into his eyes that glowed green-blue in the sunlight, she felt his hands around her heart too.  
“Tommy…”  
“What baby…”he whispered, kissing her cheek, her nose. He pulled her other leg around him and carried her to the couch.  
“Take your time.” Lena wrapped herself around him there on the fluffy cushions of the couch, and Tommy layed his full weight on top of her, slowly stretching himself out over her, piercing her deeply inside, making her gasp.  
“Oh I will,” he growled in her ear, “I’ll make it last forever if I can.” He was as deep inside her as he could get, and she was squeezing him so tight he was forced to use controlled breathing to keep it together. Lena was kissing his neck, caressing his skin, and already the sweat between them was making him slide against her.  
“Tommy, ohhmygod…”Her hips met his at every slow thrust. He was raising up on his elbows so he could look down on her, and she looked up into his eyes, his open expression-he looked completely at peace at that moment, no sign of turmoil, no anger, no conflict in his mind to show on his face. She could see a golden shimmer in his irises, somewhere in the dark icy blue and warm light-green tones was a deep vein of shiny hammered gold-she was taken aback as it caught the light and she wondered then if he was going to just disappear and return to Heaven where he must have fallen from some time ago. “You’re incredible,” she heard herself whisper, and Tommy smiled his crooked smile that she loved so much.  
“Noooo,” he whispered back, “you did this to me, Lena. It’s you.” His breath was shallow-she hadn’t noticed but he had deftly picked up speed, still so gentle. Lena wanted it to go on forever but he was already losing it. He pulled out and she watched him erupt everywhere, moaning an apology.  
“I don’t know what happened, I’m sorry-“ Lena cut him off with a kiss, pulling and sucking at his lips that were twice the size of hers, those lips she wanted to kiss forever, and she marveled again at her celestial lottery jackpot -he was a frightened angry little boy with the heart of a tiger trapped in the body and face of a Michaelangelo statue, covered in tats, with the sweetest tasting sweat and the sexiest voice she had ever heard, and he was all hers.  
“We still have time, Tommy, it doesn’t matter what we do with it, as long as I’m with you.”  
“Yeah, but I feel like a jackass.” He grabbed a shirt off the floor and cleaned her up, then flopped on top of her into her open arms. Lena layed there, still and quiet. She was so full of questions but she didn’t want to ruin the moment. Instead she caressed his back, his shoulders, and he nuzzled her neck, burying deeper into her.  
“I know you want to know what happened in there. So I’ll just tell ya. Cal walked in to my sparring session and Brendan was already there, hasslin’ me about Pop. Drove all the way down just to try to take control, couldn’t have just called y’know. An’ then I just had enough and got out of the ring to take care of Brendan. Things got a little hot, and Cal got in between us to break it up. I hit him pretty hard, I was aiming for Brendan but…Cal took it. I stopped swingin’, and Colt was there yellin’ his ass off at me. We got into it pretty good though, Brendan wasn’t backin’ down. So that’s that.” Tommy sighed, didn’t move, waiting for her response. Lena didn’t have one, she just sighed too. Tommy actually felt a little nervous. “I don’t like fighting Lena. Just, Brendan kept talkin’ shit…I been takin’ care of Pop all this time, tryin’ to keep shit together. Before I got out of jail Pop was alone, you shoulda seen it…he was a fuckin’ mess Lena. I-I can’t leave him to rot in a joint like rehab, it won’t work and he’ll just get pissed and try to get out. He has early-onset dementia. Brendan doesn’t want to deal with that. But I took care of Ma in the worst times…I’m used to it.”  
“Tommy…have you ever considered a career doing that? Helping people?”  
Tommy laughed. “I can’t help myself most of the time. I’m a helluva lot better for Pop, but…I couldn’t take care of complete strangers, Lena. No way.”  
“Hmm. I think you’re wrong, Tommy, I think you could do a lot of good for others, people who have been through the same shit you’ve been through. It may help you more than beating people up.”  
Tommy shook his head, his face rubbing against her shoulder. “No. I come in fast and hard to get it over with. I fuckin’ hate fighting really…but it’s the only time I find peace. It’s fucked up I know. And I find that peace with you…only you. But I have to make some money. Can’t stand livin’ like this, I feel like a scumbag. And I ain’t no fuckin’ scumbag.”  
Lena sighed again, rubbing his back harder. “Whatever you decide I stand with you. Just thinking of other ways…I wish I could help you. And I know you don’t accept help, but you would from me, right? Not trying to control or hurt you, Tommy…I love you.”  
Tommy laughed softly. “There’s that word again, Lena…you haven’t seen me at my worst, you can’t know what you’re sayin’.”  
“I wish I could show you what I see, Tommy….what you have done to me. I’m completely yours, and…I know there’s a part of you that’s all mine.”  
“All of it,” he answered quickly, softly. “Just don’t know how to…”  
“We can do it together, Tommy,” she whispered, running her nails through his hair.  
“Why?” Suddenly he was up on his elbows, and his expression of hate/disgust was back. “Why me, Lena?”  
Lena looked up at him, and her hands were on his face. He grabbed them, took them away, and stared her down.  
“Tell me.” His voice cracked in a whisper. She was almost scared looking at his fierce expression. “You should hate me, despise me.”  
Now Lena was irritated. “Why the fuck would I hate you Tommy?” Her voice was soft but sharp. “I just want to give you what you give me-“  
“Oh yeah?” Tommy’s voice was rife with snarky sarcasm. “What’s that? Misery?”  
Lena fought against him to try to get away. “No, asshole, happiness. Happiness. You bring me joy.”  
Tommy looked like he had been slapped. “Now I know you’re lying.”  
Lena kept struggling in vain. “Tommy I can’t make you believe me, or love me, or let go of all your anger and pain. If you fight me every time I will give up eventually, and if that’s really what you want then fucking get it over with, because if I lose you it’s going to hurt no matter what but don’t drag it out please…” She was weeping bitterly now, realizing he had her trapped and his expression gave away nothing but distrust. She felt hopeless suddenly, knowing this was going to be a fight forever between them. His hurt and distrust of people in general, his anger and bitterness, his hate, all such big hurdles for her to jump when he was only halfway interested in dropping his guard just long enough for her to step in a little all the time, only to kick her back out again so easily. She knew about PTSD, she knew it was for life. But he had to want her inside somehow, enough to stop questioning her so much.  
Tommy still held her, looking down at her. She couldn’t get past the grey panels she was staring at, his eyes gone blank. She stared back, her own expression somewhere between pleading and rage.  
“Lena…” His voice was pained. “I know how you feel. I can’t help how I feel either-“  
“Do you even know how you feel Tommy?” She shoved hard at him with her hips and budged him just enough to kick her leg out to the floor, and pivoted to slip out of his grip. Or maybe he let her go. She went into the bathroom, and even though she had to go she still hid out for a minute, trying to get her temper under control. The last thing she wanted was this, right before he was about to leave. It was like he did it on purpose. She swung the door open at that thought but she was too late, he had cleared out. She pulled her clothes on and started down the stairs, determined she was going to catch him.  
“Tommy!!” She called his name, tearing the apartment lobby door open and coming out onto the street. She couldn’t see him up or down the block and she knew he had taken off running. She hadn’t been in the bathroom that long, he had burned out quick.


	23. Synchronicity

“Fuck!” Lena yelled out, not noticing or caring about the people passing her, staring. As she strode back inside she debated whether she should go after him, or let him go. Acting on anger, she grabbed her keys and headed back down to her car. Tearing out of her parking lot, her rational mind wondered why she was bothering and what she going to say if she found him.  
“Fuck it,” she growled to herself. It wasn’t going to end this way, she wasn’t going to let him off easy. “This is bullshit.”  
Lena was driving in circles around the neighborhood for almost 45 minutes before she started to calm down and finally give up. She wasn’t going to bang down his door, or search the gym, or go into any bars, even though she was sorely tempted. There were other things she had to do today, like get back to her mom’s and have a Rossi family birthday get-together in her honor.  
Back at her apartment she found the phone she hadn’t noticed missing on her study table. There were 6 unread messages: one from Cal-“Where the fuck are you?”, one from Butch-“I’m sorry Lena, I didn’t tell anyone else.”, one from Colt- “Where’s Tommy?”, two from Tommy- “I’m sorry.” and “Where are you? I’m at your apartment.”, and one from a number she didn’t recognize-“Happy belated birthday sister. Love you and miss you. Call as soon as I can.”  
Lena had to sit down. David?!? She couldn’t believe it. Immediately she began texting back-“David how are you? Are you OK?” She waited almost 20 minutes for a response, and finally the answer was-“Hey this is Dave’s buddy Finn. We’re at separate posts. He’s going to call you when he comes back in.”  
She wanted so badly to keep texting, she had so many questions, but she just responded with a “Thank you” instead. The shock left her numb. The happiness she felt was overwhelming, the sign she had been waiting for had finally come. Her brow knitted with the thought of Tommy, and she started texting him- “Explain.”  
But nothing came. She wondered now if he was with Colt, or if he was finishing packing. Sitting at her study table she felt very alone and very small. All her thoughts and worries melded into one big throbbing mess that made her head ache. Lena was never really good at dealing with anything, she was always raw under the surface, she got frustrated and overwhelmed easily, even if she never showed it. Like a bad gash on the knee with the bandage always threatening to come off, she fell apart so easily when her façade slipped and she was overwhelmed. She was always bleeding with old and new wounds just below the surface.  
Lena fought the urge to weep. She forced herself out of her chair and headed to the shower. Mechanically she washed, dried and dressed herself, her only thought of the phone call she wanted so badly to get from David and the text she waited on from Tommy- all she wanted was to be told everything was going to be alright, even though it was a lie. A little suspension of disbelief was all a person needed sometimes.  
It was now 3:45, and Lena was back at her mom’s house. Cal’s truck was outside, and she knew she was in for it, and in spades.   
“Hello?” she called out, walking through the front door. Senna and Cal had on aprons and were pulling pans out of the oven to cool. Rita was making garlic bread at the kitchen table, and she was the only one who looked at Lena with a smile.  
“Hey birthday girl. Glad you made it back. Your party is turning into a big deal you know.”  
Lena cocked her head and looked at Rita quizzically. “What do you mean?”  
“Well,” Rita giggled, “Vince and Sarah are stopping by, and Brendan Conlon too.”  
Lena looked agape. “OK Uncle Vince and Aunt Sarah I get, but…”  
“Cal invited him. It’s OK, isn’t it?” Rita winked at Lena. “I talked to Colt, and-”  
Lena’s eyes bugged out of her head. “No. Tell me you didn’t.”  
“Yes I did, love. You know Colt is as much a part of our extended family. He just asked me about Senna’s lasagna last week!” Rita got up and took the garlic bread with her to put into the oven. Senna and Cal looked over at Lena, Cal stone-faced and Senna sad looking.  
“Honey,” Senna began, “I’m sorry honey…”  
“No Mom, I’m sorry. I really wish he could have sent it to the house but, well you know why he can’t.”  
“I know…” Senna hugged Lena so tightly she swore she heard ribs crack. “I am sorry Lena. I overreacted. This is your day. We need to celebrate it right.”  
Cal was wearing the most ridiculous apron of all, red and white plaid with ruffles. As if he heard her thoughts he raised a tomato sauce covered spoon at her. “Don’t you say a damn word. This is a great apron, look I didn’t get anything on my Adidas gear, right? So save your smartass comments.” He hugged her tight too. “It really wasn’t Tommy’s fault today. I know better than to break up a fight. You get in the middle you get hit too. I was just really pissed.” Cal stepped back to look at her. “He may be comin’ tonight too. You ready for that?”  
Lena rolled her eyes. Rita and Senna were fussing with the oven and the garlic bread. Apparently the party had started without her, because she noticed two empty bottles of wine on the counter.  
“I know those are not all in the sauce.” She pointed to the two empties. Cal reached back on the counter and produced another half empty bottle.  
“We’re on three.” Cal giggled like a schoolgirl. “I was trying to act normal, damn you Lee.”  
Lena looked again at Senna and Rita and realized they were acting silly too. “Christ you’re all a bunch of drunks!” She was laughing as Cal handed her a full glass.  
“Try it, Lee. Got a whole case at Primo’s for like $60. And it’s good shit!” Cal tried to keep a straight face as Lena downed the glass. “Holy shit! You tryin’ to catch up?”  
Lena closed her eyes and leaned against the wall. “No. Just really needed that.” When she opened her eyes again, everyone was staring at her.  
“OK, you ready for the next one?” Lena leaned in towards them closely. “David got ahold of someone’s phone, and texted me happy birthday.”  
“What?!?” Senna looked like she had been shot. “What the hell, Lena, do you realize how lucky you are?!? First your dad, now your brother….”  
“Yeah Mom, I know and I’m sorry. That’s why I gotta sit on my phone and wait, cuz the guy who has the phone told me David’s gonna call tonight.”  
“I cannot believe it…” Senna sat down at the kitchen table and put her head in her hands.  
“Mom, it’s only because he finally got access to a phone. You know he would have called you if he could. He texted me because he knows he can.” Lena got behind Senna’s chair and rubbed her shoulders lightly. “Please don’t be upset…”  
“Well,” Senna mumbled without picking up her head, “you’re going to stay put until he calls. Got it?”  
“Planning on it Mom.” Lena leaned down and kissed Senna’s bowed head. “Come on Mom. Cal, more wine please. Let’s party like we should! Buon compleanno!! ”  
IT was only an hour later. Cal was playing Dean Martin on the stereo and was dancing with the three ladies present, and everyone was singing and having a great time. The food was done, and the case of wine was being chipped away. Lena had almost forgotten all her worries. Tomorrow was another day, and it seemed so very far at the moment. There was a knock at the door and everyone slowly responded, Rita finally going to the door to open it, finding Vince and Sarah there, Vince holding a huge vase full of roses.  
“For my business partner, my best girl,” he said with a smile, kissing Lena’s cheek. Lena threw her arms around his neck and whispered in low tones about David’s text and hopefully a phone call. “Holy shit kid, that’s great!! Hope he has time to talk to everyone, I would love to talk to that brat.”  
Vince poured a bottle of wine in two glasses and gave one to his beautiful wife Sarah, a blue-eyed blonde that looked at least ten years his junior, and they sat at the table with Senna, who was breaking out the cards top play some poker.  
“Oh look at you lady, you can’t wait to try and take my money huh?” Vince laughed out loud, waving his hand at Senna.  
“Who you callin’ old, you dirty old silver fox?” Senna started dealing. “Yeah, I’m gonna clean your clock! Just watch me.”  
“Oh I know how you are….you cheat!”  
Lena and Cal stood off to the side in the doorway of the kitchen. No way were they going to mess with that table.  
“Come on, you young whippersnappers. Come over here and get your ass kicked!” Vince gestured to the empty chairs, grinning like the cat that just ate the canary.  
“Uh, no way Uncle Vince.” Cal looked serious.  
“Haha, yeah Boss, I didn’t bring any change,” Lena laughed.  
“You damn kids and your debit cards. You know I can loan you some change…when you win you can pay me back.” Vince winked and the table erupted with evil laughter.  
“No way, Uncle Vince! That’s how you get me, every single time. You know I probably still owe you from last game!” Lena laughed out loud. The wine felt so good.  
“Oh yeah Lee? Then get your ass down the street and get some change if ya fuckin’ owe me!”  
“Language!” Senna yelled.  
“Oh Jesus Christ gimme a break, they ain’t kids no more Sen!!”  
Another knock at the door made everyone pause. Lena started towards the door, the voices in the dining room muted suddenly and she could only hear her heartbeat. Could it be…?  
Brendan stood at the door, dressed up nicely. She could see a slight resemblance to Tommy, not much though. She smiled big and lazy at him, opening the door wide so he could come in.  
“Hey…happy birthday Lena.” He handed her a card, and he was looking a little nervous as he gingerly stepped inside.  
“Thanks Brendan. Thank you for coming.” She shut the door and heard Cal laughing out loud.  
“Hey brother, come on in! You want some wine?”  
“Uhh…sure. Hey thanks for inviting me-“  
“Nah, no problem. We only get to hang out once every few years, Bren, gotta make it good.” Cal was still in that stupid apron and Lena had to laugh. “Oh shit-“ Cal seemed to know exactly why she was laughing and tore off the apron.  
“No, leave it on Cal. I think it suits you.” Brendan casually took a swig of his wine while the table everyone thought wasn’t paying attention to the new arrival burst into laughter.  
“Hey, don’t take that off, you looked gorgeous in it!” Vince was red-faced, having already drained his glass.  
“Oh thanks Unc, real nice.” Cal shot him a pretend-dirty look, and drifted into the kitchen with Brendan, probably to sneak some food, Lena thought. She checked her phone- nothing, not yet. She wondered where her wine glass went.  
Another thirty minutes must have passed. Lena was finally sitting at the dining room table, but wasn’t playing, just enjoying the stories and accents around the table, and Cal and Brendan were hiding out in the kitchen, chatting and laughing in low tones. Someone knocked at the door, and Lena jumped out of her chair to answer it. As she headed towards the door she heard Vince saying something about ‘the other brother’ and ‘think she’s still seein’ him’. Sure enough, when Lena opened the door there was Colt and Tommy on the porch. Tommy looked clean cut in a pair of black jeans and a white dress shirt that was open at the collar just enough to show the shiny silver cross he wore. His hair was combed and slick, and his face was beautiful and smiling at her under the porch light.  
“Well….hi.” Lena smiled wide, instantly falling into his eyes. She was ecstastic seeing him, forgetting entirely she was supposed to be pissed at him. He grinned at her in response, playfully winking at her, and she felt her legs buckle.   
“Happy birthday Lena!” Colt handed her a gift-wrapped box and hugged her.  
“I’m so glad you made it Uncle Colt!” She hugged him tightly, and opened her eyes to see Tommy watching her with mild amusement. “Who’s this jerk you brought with you?”  
“Ha ha, you’re hysterical Lena.” Cole shook his head at her and went inside, leaving her with Tommy still leaning against the doorway, a half-smile on his lips.  
“So. Explain.” Lena leaned against the doorframe too, looking at him expectantly. Tommy sighed, the smile fading.  
“Yeah, I know…look I’m sorry Lena.” He shrugged, looking down. “Couldn’t handle it. I knew it was my fault. I went down to the corner store and got you some flowers but you were gone when I got back-“  
“Yeah, out lookin’ for your ass!” Lena realized she yelled that but didn’t care. “You know you’re gonna have to get your shit together Tommy…I want this to work but you can’t run off on me every time shit gets hot. I’m human. Flesh and blood. I can’t do this by myself please help me-“  
Tommy pulled her to him and kissed her, hot and slow. So perfect. And distracting. Lena pulled away, her hands on his shoulders, pushing him back.  
“Lena…I love you.” His voice was a gruff husky whisper, his eyes riveted into hers.  
Lena cast her head back to fix her glare on him. “Tommy…”   
“No…Lena listen to me. I’m fuckin’ crazy about you. I can’t fix my….shit. Not alone. Not without you. Please forgive me.” His face was all she could see, his eyes that she was drowning in.   
“Wha-…How am I gonna help you Tommy, you’re always running away from me.”  
“I won’t anymore, Lena , I won’t. I can’t…do this, do anything, without you. You’re my life, my oxygen. I promise I won’t run anymore.”  
Lena looked at him, really looked at him. She could see the scared 12 year old there, the little boy who had to grow up so fast. She wrapped her arms around him and squeezed his muscled torso as tight as she could, rubbing her face against his neck.  
“Hey shut the damn door, it’s cold out there!!” Cal yelled from inside. Tommy and Lena both looked inside and Cal was laughing out loud.  
“Ha ha, Cal you’re so damn funny!” Lena pulled Tommy inside and shut the door. She looked at Tommy, who immediately looked small and uncomfortable looking around, glancing at everyone staring at him.  
“You OK?” Lena whispered, taking his arm and leading him inside.  
“Uh…I had to take some pills to come here…”  
Lena looked up at him. Tommy looked sideways at her and she knew he was serious. She knew his anxiety must be high, he was holding onto her for dear life.  
“You did this for me.” Lena stopped short of the dining room to look at him face to face. Tommy looked at her, his face blank.  
“Yeah.” Was all he said. “Well, and I had to see you again, somehow.” He was fidgeting. Lena shook her head.  
“I’m sorry Tommy…you want a glass of wine or something?”  
Tommy shook his head. “No. I took the pills with a beer, I think I’m good for now.” His face was blank as he scanned the doorway into the dining room. “Brendan in there?”  
“Yep.” Lena sighed loudly, looking exasperatedly at the doorway. Tommy kissed her temple, rubbed her back.  
“It’s OK, Lena, it’ll be OK. Promise.” Tommy’s smile was empty. She wondered what he had taken, if it was really going to be OK. Too many things could go wrong.  
Cal moved into the doorway, looking at them, his face blank. The racket of voices and music went up a notch now that Colt was there, bullshitting with Vince, Rita, Senna and Sarah.   
“Well, you two lovebirds gonna come and visit or just hide out here all night?” He was joking around but his voice still carried an edge to it. Lena realized then that Cal would never trust Tommy, he would always be a little stand-offish. His jealously and caution would never die.  
“We’re comin’, smartass.” Lena led Tommy through the doorframe where almost everyone was now playing poker- Colt had been dealt in, cold beer in hand.  
“Hey everyone, Mom-“ Lena stood by her mom and gestured toward Tommy, who looked very pale suddenly. “This is my boyfriend, Tommy.”  
Senna peered up from her hand and looked at Tommy closely. “Nice to meet you.” She shook Tommy’s outstretched hand lightly. “You taking good care of my daughter?”  
Tommy cleared his throat and smiled weakly. “Yes ma’am. Nice to meet you.”  
“Well, boyfriend huh? Lena what are you gonna tell all those little servers at work? They’re gonna be heartbroken.” Vince chuckled into his wine glass.  
“Yeah, haha, Uncle V.” She laughed anyway, his smile was so infectious. “Tommy you sure you don’t want anything to drink?”  
“Um..” He cleared his throat loudly. “No, Lena. Thank you. I, uh- I’ll let you know…”  
Lena looked up at him and noticed he wasn’t looking very well. “Are you sure you’re OK, Tommy?” she whispered. Tommy nodded, looked down at her and smiled a real smile. Lena put her hand on his cheek and he kissed her fingers lightly.  
“Yeah. I’m cool.” Tommy smiled at Senna. “Really nice to meet you, Mrs.Rossi.”  
“Senna, just call me Senna. Why don’t you guys go in the kitchen and find out what the hell those other two are doin’? I need another glass of wine.”  
Lena giggled and took her wine glass. “I’ll get it for you Mom.” She steered Tommy into the kitchen, where Brendan and Cal were leaned up against the counters opposite from each other, drinking beer and laughing. Brendan’s face changed and went blank when he saw his brother.  
“Hey Tommy.”  
Tommy looked at him for a moment, his face blank too. He wavered a little, then smiled.  
“Brendan…how are ya.” He walked towards him and then stopped. “What you drinkin’?”  
“Uh..” Brendan had to look at the label. “Sam Adams?” He smiled at Tommy. “You want one?”  
“Yeah. Sure.” Tommy took the beer, opened it and took a long drink. Lena went over to Cal and pushed at him.  
“C’mon twinkletoes, put your apron back on. I think Mom’s ready, since everyone’s here.” Lena filled her mom’s wine glass and headed back out of the kitchen.  
“Yes ma’am!” Cal yelled after her, and started grabbing plates out of the cupboard. Tommy took another step forward.  
“Anything I can help with?”  
“Yeah,” Cal handed him the plates and set a stack of napkins and cutlery on top of that. “There, take it out to the dining room.”  
Lena almost crashed into Tommy as he brought the plates out to the table.  
“Shit!”  
“Lena, language!” Senna was smiling this time though.  
“Here, let me help-“ Rita took the plates from Tommy as Sarah cleared the table of cards and loose change.  
“Hey Sarah, gimme all that change, it’s all mine anyway!” Vince laughed out loud.  
Tommy escaped back onto the kitchen but was met with Cal and Brendan taking a lasagna pan and garlic bread out to the dining room. Lena stood back for a moment and watched all of it, watched these well-built men in her mom’s house helping with dinner.  
“Damn I should’ve brought my camera,” she muttered out loud, and Rita heard her and burst out laughing.  
“Lena, I brought mine!” She gestured towards the living room. “In my purse on the couch!”  
Lena immediately went to get it, and started snapping pictures of the well-dressed Chippendale’s show going on. Tommy flipped her off, Brendan smiled half-heartedly at her, and Cal rolled his shirt up to show off his rippling six-pack. Lena laughed out loud, documenting this auspicious event.  
“Here you go,” Tommy said, holding out a glass of wine to her. “Drink some more,” he whispered, “you’re such a handful when you’re half-drunk.”  
Lena’s eyebrows went up. “Oh yeah? I’m not when I’m sober?”  
Tommy winked at her. “Always.” He kissed her cheek and moved back into the kitchen to see if he could do anything else. No one had warned her for this, life had not prepared her for Tommy Conlon. Not at all.  
Finally at the dinner table, where Senna had one head of the table and Vince had the other, Rita and Sarah and Colt sat on one side, and Brendan, Cal, Lena, and Tommy sat on the other, a little short of elbow room. She never thought her birthday dinner would be this exciting. Everyone was bantering and laughing together, except for Tommy and Lena who whispered conspiratorially together and giggled. It was peaceful, not what Lena was expecting and she was grateful for it. The laughter was so loud at one point she almost didn’t hear her cellphone ringing.  
“Everybody shut up!” Cal yelled. He had heard it even before Lena had, and it was in her pocket. Lena fumbled with her phone and looked at the display.  
“David!!” Lena shouted, overcome with excitement.  
“Hey little sister, happy birthday!! Are you at Mom’s?”  
“Yeah, yeah! Oh my God how are you?”  
“I’m good, I’m good. Actually it’s pretty horrible. I really miss you and Mom…Cal takin’ care of you guys?”  
Lena started to cry but fought it hard as she could. Tommy took her hand and kissed it.  
“Yeah of course! You know Cal…he’s always watching out for me. Are you coming home soon, I mean-“  
“Uhh not sure Leelee…I really would love that. But I’ll be in a place soon where I can call you guys. I don’t have a lot of time, I’m so sorry Lee! I love you so much. Can I please talk to Mom?”  
“Of course…David…”Lena choked back a sob. “Thank you so much for calling and letting me know you’re OK. Been goin’ crazy! Ok here’s Mom…I love you too.” Lena passed the phone to her mom and turned into Tommy’s shoulder to let it out, hot tears soaking his shirt. He held her to him and whispered in her ear that he loved her and it was going to be OK. Just what she needed.  
Senna took the phone into the kitchen, crying herself. Cal was rubbing at his face, trying to act like he wasn’t relieved and sad at the same time.  
“Hey, Lena.” Vince caught her glance. “It’s gonna be OK. He’ll come home, you’ll see.”  
Tommy whispered in her ear again, and she smiled brightly. “That’s a great idea Tommy, thank you.” When Senna returned from the kitchen she was handing the phone over to Cal, her shoulders shaking from her silent sobs. Lena turned to Cal, standing up to go comfort her mom. “I have to say one thing to him before you hang up, OK?” Cal nodded in understanding, then took the phone to his ear.  
“Heyyy brother!!”  
Lena held her mom as she sobbed quietly. She knew her own feelings, she couldn’t imagine how it felt to be a mother and experience this. Cal talked for a while and then signaled Lena over.  
“Here’s your sis…yeah I love you too man. Hurry up and get home, I can’t handle all these chicks by myself!!...alright brother, take care out there. Love you man.” He handed the phone to Lena, his eyes red rimmed and puffy.  
“David, I know you’re running out of time but just real quick I wanted to tell you that Colt and Brendan C. are here, and so is this guy- “ She handed the phone to Tommy. Tommy suddenly blanched, and then he cleared his throat.  
“David, this is Tommy Conlon-“ David’s audible excited yell was not hard to hear by everyone in the room. “Yeah, it’s really me…..Hey I just wanted to say hi, and I know you’re gettin’ outta there soon. Just hang in and come back in one piece….Uhh, I’ll let your sister answer that David, let’s just say I’m here for Lena’s birthday too.” Tommy winked at Lena. “Alright I know you gotta go…thank you for the compliments. I hope to meet you in person soon. Semper fi.” Tommy hung on the line for moment, then handed Lena back the phone. He paused for a moment, then smiled.  
“Thank you Tommy. I heard him scream, that had to have made his year.” Senna smiled at Tommy, and he smiled back.  
“No problem, Senna…he sounds like a great kid. I’m sure he’s comin’ back soon.” Tommy nodded at her and resumed eating. Everyone else followed suit, unsure of what to say or do after that. Lena could not wait to get Tommy alone in her apartment now, he had made her so happy by coming to her party and actually speaking to her brother, who also happened to be Tommy’s biggest fan. When he looked sideways at her he saw the look she was giving him, tears still in her eyes and all.  
“Ahem…well,” Cal said, “Anyone down for some cheesecake?”  
“No but I could play some more poker!” Vince smiled at everyone.  
“Oh yeah, cuz you didn’t get everyone’s money yet?” Senna laughed even though her expression betrayed her.  
“Hey, what can I say?” Vince shrugged. “You’re all my sheep just waiting to be fleeced!!”  
“Damn you Vince,”Rita growled, smiling. “You got all my money, I have to sit it out.”  
Colt cleared his throat. “I gotta go soon, I’m sorry. Lena did you open your present yet?!?”  
Lena had forgotten all about it. She jumped up and ran into the kitchen to grab the box off the kitchen counter. She came back in and tore it open, and found a set of golden boxing glove earrings and a matching necklace. It was tastefully small. Not something Lena would wear every day, but it was cute. She smiled and gave Colt a great big hug.  
“Thank you Uncle C!” She hugged him and kissed his cheek. “This is awesome!”  
Colt smiled at her. “You’re welcome kiddo. Love ya.” He stood up and looked over at Tommy. “You about ready?”  
“Um, no Colt, I think I’m gonna stick around for a little bit, cool?”  
“Yeah that’s cool. Just be where you’re supposed to be in the morning.” Colt smiled at everybody, said his goodnights, gave Senna a big hug and Rita walked him out.


	24. Closer

Tommy was helping Lena clear the table, Brendan and Cal were talking about heading to the bar for some whisky and coke, and Vince and Sarah were opening the second-to-the last bottle of wine while Senna started dealing cards.  
“I know we should stay, but Tommy…” Lena stared at him longingly over the dishes she was washing and he was drying. A playful smile pulled up the corners of his mouth.  
“Yeah, I know.” He took another dish from her. “I owe you, don’t I?”  
Lena closed her eyes for a moment, thinking about him taking her right then and there. When she looked at him again she could see he was really thinking of doing it, his eyes were burning into her as if he read her mind.  
“I need to get you out of here,” he rasped, “or I’m gonna rape you in your mom’s kitchen.”  
Lena grinned like an idiot, and Tommy leaned in to kiss her. His slicked up hair was coming undone and his shirt was a little too open, enough for her to slide warm wet fingers in and gently pull at his chest hair. He growled in his throat and opened his mouth to her, he was after her tongue and she gave it to him. He forgot about the plate he had in one hand and the dish towel in the other and pulled her close to him so he could feel her, so she could feel what she was doing to him. Lena gasped and slid her hip sideways to rub against his zipper that was pressing hard against her. Her breath was caught in her throat and she couldn’t give a damn any less of their surroundings at that moment.  
“Oh gross!” Cal walked in on them, watched them disband and resume their work. “Really Lena, I’m glad I’m not your mom….sick.” But he was smiling at her when she turned her head to give him a look.  
“Shut up Cal,” she mumbled, trying not to smile. Tommy was nodding and grinning, drying the next dish she handed him.  
“Hey me and Bren are goin’ to the bar. You guys wanna go?”  
“Uh…”Lena looked at Tommy who was shaking his head. “No Cal, thanks, we’re good.”  
“Yeah you guys got other things to do, I got it. See ya!” Cal flounced out of the kitchen and Lena and Tommy were alone again. He looked up from the dish he was drying a little too hard, his eyes blue and hard.  
“I’m gonna fuck you so hard Lena,” he said quietly, “I’m not gonna stop til you can’t come anymore.”  
Lena’s mouth dropped open, and she almost dropped the pot she was scrubbing. Tommy didn’t flinch, he didn’t smile. He just stared at her, looked her up and down, bit his lip and took the pot from her to dry.  
“Oh fuck Tommy.” She was breathless, looking at his face, his blatant aggression towards her. He rendered her powerless with just a look. Beautiful and hungry. “We have to get out of here.”  
“Mmmhmm.” He didn’t stop staring at her, and she could see the flush in his cheeks now. Oh boy. She remembered what it was like when she was younger, standing in line at Coney Island Arcade with her brother at the biggest, scariest ride there on vacation one year. The thrill, the fear, the adrenaline coursing through her. That was what it was like looking at Tommy now, he pushed her to her outer limits of sensation in so many ways, she knew there would be no coming back from it. She still couldn’t believe he was hers.  
“Please hurry,” he said at last. Lena realized she had been staring at his full pink lips and deep blue eyes too long, and he was very impatient now with his urges bearing down on him with no way to express them.  
“OK,” she whispered. And in truth, she was almost done. Now, how to get out of the clutches of the crowd adjacent to them….  
Lena came out of the kitchen half-soaked with dishwater, sweat and excitement. Everyone looked at her, Senna, Rita, Vince and Sarah.  
“Hey,” she finally said. “I think I’m going home everyone. Morning class…”  
Vince’s eyebrows went up. “Hmm, yeah right kid. More like night time ass-“  
“Vincent!” Senna clapped her hands to her ears. “I don’t need to hear that crap!”  
“Just being honest, Senna. So shoot me!” Vince laughed loudly. The wine high was in full swing.  
“I don’t care Vincent, dammit that’s my daughter!” Senna uncovered her ears and turned towards Lena. “Babe, it’s OK if you leave. I wouldn’t want you to get robbed by your uncle here, not like the rest of us. Just refill my wine glass will ya?”  
“Of course Mom!” Lena took her wine glass into the kitchen, where Tommy was waiting by the sink, drying the last of the dishes. He gave her one look and she knew how much trouble she was in. His hair was falling into his eyes, he had soap suds on his bulging forearms, and his shirt was half undone. Lena looked into his darkening eyes and she gasped silently. Holy hell, she had to get him to her apartment or he was going to fuck her right then and there. She filled her mom’s wine glass to the rim with the last of the wine and headed back out to the dining room.  
“Happy birthday my love,” Senna said, smiling kindly at her. “It was really nice getting everyone together, wasn’t it?”  
“Yes,” said Lena, “and I’m really glad you got to meet Tommy and you like him-“  
“Yes, he’s a good boy.” Senna smiled and Vince chuckled. “He made David’s entire life with that phone call tonight. I couldn’t have asked for more.”  
“I know, I’m so glad he thought of it.” Lena leaned down and kissed her mom’s head. “Thank you so much for the delicious dinner. It’s always the best meal of the year.”  
Tommy came out of the kitchen then, and Vince winked at him. Tommy just smiled privately and put his head down until Lena addressed him.   
“Are you ready?”  
Tommy nodded his assent, approached Senna with a hug. “Thank you Mrs.Rossi.”  
Senna hugged him back. “Thank you for what you did tonight. David is probably still shocked.”  
“Mrs.Rossi you’re more than welcome. I didn’t do it for anyone but him. No offense.”  
“None taken. I know you didn’t do it for our sake. I love my son. It’s what he needed to go on. And I thank you for that.”  
Tommy smiled at her. “I would talk to him more if I could.”  
Lena felt her eyes burn as she watched her mother look on Tommy with nothing more than appreciation and love.   
“I just want him to come home in one piece.” Senna had tears in her eyes. “You are welcome here anytime, Tommy Conlon.”  
Tommy smiled and nodded. “Thank you, Mrs.Rossi.”  
“Senna, I told you Senna!” She laughed away her tears. “You kids get out of here. That old fox Vince has his eyes fixed on every pocket in here, you two included!”  
“OK Mom, I love you. Thank you for everything tonight.” Lena hugged her mom, then Vince and Sarah, and finally Rita, who held her arms out like a lonely child.  
“I love you little girl,” she whispered. Lena’s eyes burned and this time the tears spilled.   
“I’ll see you tomorrow,” Lena whispered.  
Tommy and Lena were out the door at last. Neither said a word, just got into her car and she drove with the radio volume up, some generalized 70’s rock band singing about sex. Her apartment could not be any further away at this point.  
“Thank you for everything tonight Tommy.” Lena looked over at him, found him staring out the window, nodding.  
“Didn’t do anything Lena.” His voice was deep and raspy, his accent a sound rolling over glass and sand in his throat. “Your brother needs all the support he can get.”  
Lena drove the rest of the way in silence, waiting for her apartment complex to appear in her field of vision so she could get him inside and tear him to pieces. Or vice versa.  
She pulled up in a parking spot, not really remembering it the next day at all. She got out of the car-Tommy was ahead of her as he opened the car door before it ever stopped . His face was blank and she wanted to try to crack a joke to break the tension, but she knew it was pointless.  
They both hustled inside, it was not yet Spring in Pittsburgh, and the nights got very cold. Lena was on fire though, imagining Tommy in her apartment for the night and how much she would be sweating soon.  
She fumbled the lock and heard Tommy sigh impatiently, it was the same sigh she made. Her hands were trembling. She wanted it just as badly as he, but she was not as impatient as he.  
Once inside, Tommy immediately began stripping. The apartment was dark, and she kept it that way, turning away from him only to lock the door. She could see his body in the moonlight, muscles working to pull off the clothes that got in his way. She followed suit, everything coming off so easily, so quickly, while she watched him work his jeans off and then stand before her in the shadows and silver light, bare and erect, urging her to throw herself onto him, which she did so eagerly.  
“Oh God,” she gasped, feeling his velvety skin and tickling body hair against her skin, “Tommy take me to bed….”  
He lifted her in one smooth motion, took her to her room, her own bed. She fell in with her sheets and blanket, and before she had time to assess anything Tommy was on top of her, hard and hot and hungry. She opened to him, her arms and legs wrapping around his muscled body, her mouth opening to his insistent kiss. She was breathless and laid to waste already in her desire for him and his overpowering burning hunger for her. His cock nudged against her slippery slit, she was more than ready for him, and he breathed out in a huff, trying so hard to suppress the urge to drive it in and claim her.  
“Fuck, Lena..ohmygod,”he rasped, the tip of his cock rubbing against her pussy, so easy to just push…  
“Tommy!” she cried out, and her nails dug into his back as she pulled him tight to her. It was all he needed, and he buried himself deep inside her, moaning and holding still to feel her react around him, her body fluttering and pulsing around him and all over him. She tried to relax enough to take in his size, but her body betrayed her in the orgasm that was already arriving, hot warm waves lapping at her and electrifying her.  
“Holy fuck Lena-“ Tommy was gasping, trying to force his own down and ride her.   
Lena cried out breathlessly and her fists pounded against his chest-he was grinding her into the bed, so hard it had to hurt. But Tommy was blown back by the intensity of her orgasm, she was like a fountain he was pushing into, and she was almost hysterical as he began slamming her faster into the bed.   
“Tommy, oh hurt me please…” her voice was broken and breathless, but she wanted him to unleash hell on her, fill her and punish her until she couldn’t bear it. Her clit hummed as he stroked it unwittingly with his pelvic bone, crashing into her again and again until she screamed in a whisper that she was coming, and Tommy couldn’t help but join her, his hips whipping hard until he had to pull out and shower her with his throbbing orgasm, but she was so far gone and out that she barely noticed.  
“Oh Lena…” he was gasping for air as he sunk down on top of her. “I’m gonna go fuckin’ nuts without you…”  
“Kiss me, Tommy,” she whispered, searching for his mouth. He pressed his full lips on hers and she felt she was being swallowed into the black hole that was Tommy.


	25. Stay

“I want you again,” he rasped, “you’re not sleeping tonight.” He kissed her again, his hands lazily stroking her face, her hair. Lena ran her tongue along his wet jaw, bit down on his neck almost too hard. Tommy gasped and pulled back, attacking her back with warm wet kisses, both passionate and tender.  
Something was different tonight, Lena felt something had changed but she couldn’t tell where or how. Tommy was reacting, emoting something more than before. She imagined it was out of his worry that she would forget him while he was away, or maybe it was meeting her family and being part of something more than just the two of them, maybe it was the love she expressed for him. Lena held him, kissed him, caressed him, she conveyed her reassurance to him through touch. His instincts were so sharp, but partly marred by his defense mechanisms, so it was hard to know whether she was getting through to him. Tommy crushed her with his need, smothered her with the agony of leaving. How could such a short amount of time add up to this? Lena was puzzled and amazed by it. His skin was hot and moist against her, she was sweating against him. Tommy was pushing at her, pressing his full weight against her, making her gasp. He was kissing her, holding her to him for dear life. She felt a connection to him raw and primal that went beyond sex, but was quantified by it. When she and Tommy were alone together, when their bodies met, it was naked truth for him, he couldn’t hide from her, and was brought to tears by the rawness of it, the way she made him feel. Lena opened him up inside and he was never sure what would come out or how to handle it. And now he had to leave, and even though it wasn’t very long it felt so awful. Tommy had become addicted to her, she filled his dark mind with light, and he clung to it.   
“Oh!” Lena cried out as Tommy penetrated her, filled her and lay against her, not moving except to kiss her some more, his hands on her face, his legs tangled with hers. They lay like that for a while, Lena impaled on him and unable to move with his full frame on top of her, and she was relaxed and enjoying the fullness enough to not care.  
“Lena…oh fuck,” he gasped and shuddered, for a moment Lena thought it was over. “I want more...”  
“Take it Tommy,” she breathed, her hands on his face as he shook his head.  
“No I want more,” he rocked inside her and she realized it was far from over. “I want us together…when I get back. Like moved in together.”  
Lena was silent, she didn’t know what to say.  
“If it’s too much tell me,” he rasped, and his hips rolled back and forth slowly, making her body vibrate.  
“How, Tommy…how can we do it?” Lena squeezed handfuls of sheets, both holding steady to the bed and rocking her hips up to him.  
“I don’t know, I don’t know…” he picked up speed, rising up on his elbows so her face was framed by his biceps. “Lena you’re my girl…I can’t be without you, I wanna see you all the time.” His voice was sexy and slow and sinister.  
“When you come back,” she gasped, “we’ll talk about it. Your dad…”  
“Fuck I know,” he spat, and suddenly he was pulling out of her and falling in bed beside her. “I just…oh fuck it forget about it.” His demeanor was changed again, he was pissed and she wasn’t sure if it was at her or the situation.  
“Tommy-“she reached for him in the dark, and was met by his cooling skin and soft kiss.  
“Don’t.” He kissed her briefly, pulling her close. “Just…don’t. OK? Forget I said anythin’. I know it’s too soon. Can’t help it, I wanna see you every day, be with you every night.”  
“Tommy…I feel the same. But you’re right, it is too soon, we need to know how your dad is going to do anyway-“  
“I’ll tell ya how he’s gonna do, Lena…it’s gonna be a fuckin’ mess and it’ll all end up exactly the same as it has before. Only worse this time.” Tommy rolled onto his side and squeezed her to him. “Just wait.”  
“Nothing can be easy with us, can it?” Lena sighed, pressing her face to his chest.  
“Maybe. One day. Right now I just gotta get through all this bullshit and maybe then I can get Pop the help he needs. Sparta will take care of a lot of things for me.”  
“I’m not going anywhere,” Lena whispered and she felt Tommy’s smile against the skin of her shoulder.  
“Hope not…” Tommy slid his hand down her back and cupped her ass, pulling her on top of him. “You’re in charge now,” he huffed, pushing at her hips. “Make me yours.”  
Lena was sitting on his erection, so easy for her to maneuver him inside her. She grabbed his hands and put them on her breasts, and she alternated a hard and fast rhythm with a slow and sinuous one. Tommy growled, he sweated and gasped, and Lena didn’t stop. She knew he was trying so hard to fight the urge to flip her over and take control. He grabbed her hips and held her fast to him, thrusting up into her and dragging her clit against his pubic bone, and she was over the edge before she realized it. She dug her nails deep into his pecs and he growled low and loud as she shuddered and hitched on him, over him, crying his name. That was enough for Tommy, he couldn’t take any more. He rolled over on top of her and slowly moved inside her, enjoying all the contractions as she shuddered with lingering orgasmic spasms. Lena clung to him, her mind blank and her body belonging to Tommy; his hips speeding up and the kiss he was giving her became sucking and biting, the bed rocking loudly with his urgency. Tommy pressed his face against hers, his lips rubbing against hers as he gasped and moaned, sweat running down his face to wet her cheek.  
“Don’t stop don’t stop,” Lena cried, and Tommy’s voice was a loud burst in her ear, he cried out and bit his lip to stop himself, but it was too late. As Lena clamped down on him, clawing at him and crying out, Tommy erupted half inside her, half out, his voice strangled with pleasure in her ear, making her come harder as his throbbing cock rubbed against her clit.  
“If you were…any more perfect Tommy…I really would think you’re an angel….”Lena was panting, bearing his full weight and just completely obliterated by him.  
Tommy scoffed, lifting off her just enough to look down at her. “You’re my angel. I wish you could come with me.” He kissed her softly, rolling onto his side next to her, pulling her with his hands and his lips towards him. “I would never get anything done.”  
Lena laughed and wrapped herself up with him. “No. We wouldn’t leave the room.”  
“Except to get coffee and whiskey.”  
“And steak,”she added. “Steak or chicken or fish, something to keep going, because Tommy I swear you work me harder than two hours at the gym. I love it,” she smothered his face with kisses, and he trapped her in his arm to kiss her mouth, bruise her lips a little with his.  
“I love fucking you, Lena,” he growled. “I’m never gonna stop. So you better be ready when I get back. You should probably take a couple days offa work.” His snarling lips kissed her, his teeth grazed her chin. Chills ran up and down her body.  
“Oh my God you’re gonna be even bigger than you are now,” Lena said, rubbing his round hard biceps in her palms.  
“Mmmhmm,”was all she heard in his deep gravelly groan.  
“Tommy…you’re gonna break me.”  
Tommy pulled back to look at her. His expression was grave and intense. “You know if I ever hurt you Lena, tell me and I’ll stop. I promise I’ll never hurt you like I did that one night-“  
“Tommy are you still apologizing for that? I could’ve stopped you at any time. I didn’t want you to stop. I was pushed to the brink of my existence, yeah, but I would have stopped it if I wanted.”  
Tommy brushed his lips against hers, smiling. “Yeah I know…I’m tryin’ to make you hate me. But you’re really stubborn.”  
Lena smiled and bit at his soft warm lips. “I couldn’t hate you…you have my heart Tommy Conlon.” Tommy pulled back and she could see his haunted eyes in the moonlight.  
“Lena…” He sighed, shook his head, and kissed her forehead, her nose and finally her lips. “Where did you come from?” he whispered, but it wasn’t a real question, just his wonder at her devotion.  
“Maybe one day you’ll understand Tommy,” she whispered back. “Until then you will never accept it.”  
Tommy wrapped her up so her face was pressed to his chest, his arms enveloped her head. His legs trapped her against him, even his feet twined around her somehow.  
“When I’m gone will you think about it?” His voice was a rumble against her ear. Lena imagined living with Tommy, what it would mean, and then there was Paddy….  
“Yes baby,” she said, kissing his salty skin, breathing in his clean sweat and distant cologne smell. Despite her best efforts she found herself nodding off, drifting away from him briefly only to be kissed or caressed back into the moment with him. Tommy seemed restless, he couldn’t relax and she could feel his heart beating fast in his chest.  
“Are you OK, Tommy?” Her voice was barely above a whisper, but he heard her. He was fidgeting, he sighed, he nervously kissed her head, played with her hair.  
“Yeah, I’m cool.” He rolled onto his back, pulling her half-way across his chest. “Don’t know if I’m gonna sleep tonight though.”  
Lena stretched against him, her body fluidly spreading across him and then gripping him tight. “What can I do?”  
Tommy laughed softly, caressing her. “Just do what you’re doin’.”  
Lena held onto him, her hands and lips sweet and warm and soothing. She wanted to hang on to this moment, she couldn’t let him go. Tommy had broken out in a cold sweat and she wiped his forehead, kissed his cheek.   
“Baby you want me to bring you anything?” Lena kissed the palm of his hand, rested it against her cheek. He was trembling ever so slightly.  
“Mmm…no,” he shivered against her. “Fucking anxiety attack…s’posed to be taking these pills…turn me into a fuckin’ zombie.”  
Lena rubbed his arm, held his hand. But Tommy couldn’t help shifting uncomfortably, he was breathing harder and finally he sat up on the side of the bed away from her. She tried to touch him but he held his hand out to stop her.  
“I’ll be alright, I’ll be alright…”  
Lena sighed. “Tommy…”  
“Just…gimme a minute.”  
She waited, watched. Tommy finally got up and headed out, she wasn’t sure where, and she wanted to follow him but didn’t. She saw a light come on in the kitchen, heard him rattling around in there. She was getting nervous, not sure what to do or how to help. She finally got up and headed to the bathroom, silently crept in and out while Tommy stood stark naked in her kitchen, drinking orange juice out of the carton.  
Lena waited in the dark bedroom for what seemed like an eternity. She didn’t realize she had nodded off until Tommy’s cold sweet lips were on hers, tasting like vodka and orange juice. His body hovered over hers, he had straddled her and had no weight bearing down on her.  
“Lena….”his voice was an urgent raspy whisper. “Lena wake up.”  
She wrapped her arms around his neck to pull him down but he resisted. She could feel his body still trembling, his skin wet with cold sweat.  
“No…listen to me.” He sniffed and kissed her again. She could taste salty tears and sweat on his lips. “I love you. I love you Lena. I can’t…I can’t be without you. I’m so fucked up and I’m so tired of fighting myself…I don’t wanna drink so much or take pills…but I don’t know how to be normal, Lena.”  
Lena held his face in her hands, tears and sweat all over her hands.  
“How the fuck do you do this to me? I feel like I fuckin’ hate everybody sometimes…except you, you make me happy and I forgot what that felt like.” Tommy started collapsing on top of her. His skin was clammy all over, and Lena could feel his heart knocking against his ribs as he attempted to relax on top of her. “I hate it when this happens.”  
Lena held him in her arms. “How often does this happen?” she whispered.  
“A lot,” said Tommy, his wet face against her shoulder. “Just bad this time. Don’t let me go.”  
Lena’s eyes burned and she clutched his cold wet body to hers. “I’ve got you baby,” she whispered. “I’ve got you.”


	26. Barricade

After what seemed a long time, Tommy’s full weight came to bear down on her, his heart calmed, his breathing leveled. He was at ease, and she wished he hadn’t needed a drink to help him get there.

“Lena…”he sighed against her skin, giving her a chill. “We need to sleep, don’t we?” His voice was a shaky breath. He heaved himself off her to lay at her side, and she immediately turned toward him, to keep the close contact going, keep touching him and kissing him. His kisses were soft and lazy, his thick lips pulling at hers like he was eating cotton candy.  
“Tommy…I can’t get enough of you.” She snuggled up to him, savoring every inch of his skin, the taste of him on her lips, the scent of his skin, even with the strange metallic smell of fear sweat on him he still smelled like her Tommy.  
“Go to sleep, babe,” he said in his slow, deep, rough accent, “please. I can’t promise I’ll let you if you keep that up.” She realized her hand was rubbing against his lower belly, her nails thoughtlessly scratching at the thatch of hair surrounding his sex.  
Lena smiled against his cheek, her face getting warm, and he laughed softly. “I can’t wait, Tommy…you and me when you get back, we’re gonna have our own little party.”  
“Oh yeah,” he rasped. “I’m already thinking of the things we’re gonna do.”  
Lena smiled, rubbing his back, leaning against him. Her eyes were so heavy, but she wasn’t really ready to give him up, not yet. He still was hers for a little bit longer. She slid down his body to take him in her mouth-Tommy had little time to react to her, she made sure she moved fast. He gasped deeply, palming the back of her head gently as she sucked hard fast strokes on him. His body went rigid, his hips tilting forward, until she shoved him onto his back to continue her onslaught.  
“F-f-f-uuuck,” Tommy growled, still holding her head, and she could feel his toes curling up against her thigh, and he attempted to pull her up but she batted his hands away.  
“No, this is how you come, or not at all,” she breathed, her hand stroking him fast and hard, and took him deep in her mouth again, this time tasting the bitter slippery warning his body was giving her.   
Tommy tried again right before he lost it, he tried to pull her away but Lena wasn’t having any of it. One hand gently clawed his thigh, the other a tight fist pumping him into her mouth, and he was holding his breath, his body trembling, his hands squeezing fistfuls of sheets. He coughed out a chesty explosive yell, sounded like an angry curse, and hot jets of salty tang filled her mouth. Lena took it all, waited and stilled on him as he gasped for air beneath her, and withdrew him slowly, listening to his hissing breath as she sucked the last of it out of him. She rested her head on his hip and breathed in the smoky humid vapor his body was exuding, and her hands caressed his ribcage, his belly, his hips. She loved this moment, she felt her six senses taking a snapshot of the seconds, minutes of total peace and contentment they shared then.  
Tommy’s hands were back on her head, caressing, fingers tangling in her hair. She glanced upwards at him and could see the little smile on his lips, his contentment smoothed his expression in the streetlight glow coming in through her window. He looked blissful, when less than an hour ago he was panic-ridden and desperate.  
“My God how I love you Tommy,” she whispered, taking his hand and kissing his palm, pressed it to her cheek. He hauled her up with his other hand and crushed her to him, kissing her lips, pushing his tongue past to fill her mouth, lazy and passionate at the same time.  
“Stay right here,” he whispered huskily, holding her to him. So she curled up on him and promptly fell asleep, exhausted and content, every cell in her body completely satiated with Tommy.

5:30 AM. Lena had only been asleep for what felt like fifteen minutes when Tommy’s phone was going off on her nightstand. Tommy was up and headed to the bathroom before she could blink, and then she was falling back asleep again instantaneously.  
“Lena…” Tommy was kneeling by the bed, gently shaking her awake. Her eyes shot open and she realized he smelled like her body wash, her shampoo. Coconut and moon petal musk.  
“Hey handsome,” she giggled, pulling him to her, but he resisted.  
“No doll, I gotta go. Can you please give me a ride to the gym? I’ll never make it on time even if I run.” His deep voice sounded like bourbon, cashmere, warm heavy cream poured into her ear. She smiled sleepily and sat up like a shot.  
“Course I will,” she mumbled, and stood up shakily to look for clothes, yoga pants, even shorts, anything, to wear. Tommy stood back and she could barely see him through the sleep in her eyes.  
“Oh Lena…” he whispered. “Poor thing.”  
Lena laughed out loud. “Tommy, really? I would do it all over again. And more.” She found a shirt and a pair of shorts, and Tommy watched her dress, then reached out for her. Lena was in his arms in a heartbeat, and he squeezed her so hard she gasped for air.  
“Can’t be back soon enough,” he rasped in her ear, giving her chills.  
Lena pulled away, searching for her shoes. “Does it have to be a month…goddammit.” She grabbed her purse and her keys. “C’mon you,” she said, holding her hand out to him as he stood motionless, watching her.  
“I’ll call you everyday,” he said softly, taking her hand. His eyes were blue this morning, blue like a swimming pool, a touch of green glowing beneath. She smiled wide at him, knowing full well she probably looked like a F.B.I. Most Wanted poster, fucked up hair and smeared make-up. Tommy’s return smile was weak and fake, but she took it anyway and they headed out the door.  
They drove in relative silence, the radio crackling the weather and news that neither one of them couldn’t give a shit about. Tommy was grinding a toothpick between his teeth and Lena hid behind her shades, whipping around the neighborhood until they reached Colt’s gym. It had never looked so grim.  
Lena pulled in next to the only other car in the lot, Colt’s silver Caddy that was running, white steam pouring out the tailpipes in the cool morning air. The window rolled down and Lena could see Colt wave hello at her, then wave Tommy out.  
“This is it,” Tommy sighed. He looked at Lena, her face blank, shades still hiding her eyes. He pulled them down the bridge of her nose and saw the red rims of her dark brown eyes peeking out at him.  
“Go Tommy,” she whispered, her voice breaking.  
“I-“ he began, but Lena leaned in and kissed him, soft, sweet and salty with the tears that slipped down her face.  
“Hurry back to me,” she whispered against his full lips. Tommy kissed her hard, biting at her and chewing her bottom lip almost too hard.  
“I will. Wait for me,” he growled, and got out of the car in a rush to jump into Colt’s car. She sat and watched them leave, watched Tommy’s sad face watching her as they drove off. Lena sat in the parking lot for a minute, mute. A lightning strike, that was Tommy, he was a lightning strike in her life that flashed several times, then faded. A month wasn’t so long, was it?


	27. Til I Get Back To You

LENA was in the shower and headed to Cal and Rita’s. Big day today. She was nervous and raw and anxious already, sleepless and wired on tension. When Cal opened the door he could see the wraith-like appearance of his best friend, and it worried him.  
“Lena…” Cal let her in, she was pushing her way in anyway. “You need to eat something.”  
Lena laughed bitterly. “You think that’s it huh? Where’s Aunt Rita?” she asked, looking around.  
“She’s getting dressed. Are you OK?” Cal approached her slowly.  
Lena looked at him like he was crazy. “Yeah, just worried about everything…need to know Aunt Rita is OK. Are you OK Cal?” And she was hugging him, clinging to him. Cal held her, wrapped her up in his big strong arms. Lena’s eyes watered but she tried not to cry. She had to keep her shit together.  
“Yeah…my little sister. I’m OK, don’t you worry about me.” Cal’s voice was soft and soothing. She remembered it so many times comforting her when things seemed impossible. She needed that now. “Gotta be strong for Mom.”  
Rita came downstairs and saw Cal holding Lena. “Hey kids, everything OK?”  
Lena pulled away, trying to smile. “Yeah…Tommy left this morning for a month.”  
“What’s Colt making him do?” Rita smiled knowingly at Lena. “He pulls his best away for a while to get their heads in the game. Colt’s a very smart business man. You’ll see. Tommy will bust his ass in there, come back better and stronger.”  
Lena laughed. “Let me guess…Ted?”  
Rita nodded. “When Cal was about three months old, he pulled Ted for a month. He wanted him to focus, and it worked. Ted came back and tore through several fights, made Colt a lot of money.” She smiled and took Lena’s hand. “Tommy will be back. All he’s gonna do is think about you and getting back to you. You’ll see. You are his anchor now, Lena. Remember that.”  
Lena hugged Rita tightly. “You’re so great Aunt Rita…thank you.”   
“It’s just the truth, sweetie. You give that boy all your love, he’s the one for you. I could see it last night. He needs you and you need him. Perfect.” Rita pulled back and kissed Lena’s cheek. “Cal honey, you ready?”  
Cal stood off to the side, looking lost and sad. “Yeah Momma, ready as I’ll ever be.”  
“OK then, let’s go.” Rita started for the door. Lena watched her, thought how strong she was to have gone through all the things life had thrown at her, and still brave now.  
Lena really thought she was going to go nuts in the waiting room. She sat and tried to wait patiently, but she was crawling out of her skin. Suddenly she understood why people smoked, it was to pass the time and make them think they were calming down somehow. She was watching her phone, watching the time, and waiting for Tommy to text her, reach out to her somehow.  
Finally, finally Cal and Rita came out of the office. They both looked relieved, smiling and thanking the doctor as he walked them out. Cal grabbed Lena out of her seat and squeezed her tight.  
“Benign,” was all he said, and Lena felt the weight lifting off her instantly. “Just needs an outpatient visit and get it all cleaned out.”  
Lena smiled wide and the moment he set her down, she grabbed Rita and hugged her, swinging her around.  
“Yes yes YES!” Lena dragged them out into the sunny day. “Breakfast on me ladies!”  
Cal rolled his eyes. “Ha ha funny bitch!” But he was smiling brightly. “I think we should go to Vince’s, what do you think?”  
Rita clapped in approval. “Yes yes, let’s go see the old goat, he stole all my money last night, he owes me breakfast!”  
Vince’s was empty, not open yet but warming up for the day. Lena had used her keys to get them all in. Vince was laughing when he saw them all-Lena had snuck into the office to give him the good news.  
“Well, Rita dear, what would you like to eat for breakfast? Anything.”  
Rita winked at him, sitting at the bar with Cal and Lena. “Anything?”  
Vince cackled. “Well, within reason. C’mon, Butch is one mean cook.”  
“I want steak and eggs. And maybe hash browns, if you got ‘em.”  
Vince winked back at her. “No problem sweets.” Lena got up to help, but Vince waved her back to her seat. “Naw Butch and Louis are back there. You don’t worry about it Lee. What you guys want?”  
“Pancakes and bacon,” responded Cal without hesitation. Lena looked at him, her eyebrows raised in shock. “What, I get to cheat too, shaddap Lena!”  
Lena laughed. “OK Boss, I’ll have the same thing as Auntie Rita. Well done please.”  
AFTER a long breakfast of mimosas and meat with Uncle Vince, Lena and Cal took Rita back home to nap off the champagne, and they headed to their afternoon classes.   
“I don’t think we’re supposed to go into class half-drunk, do you?” Cal was hysterical laughing, giddy and silly.  
“Fuck no, but looks like it’s happening. Just shut the hell up will ya Cal, you’re so obvious!” Lena staggered out of his truck and tried to straighten up. Her legs were wobbly- too much sex, not enough sleep, and too many mimosas. Cal was giggling like an idiot watching her walk.  
“Holy shit Lee, what did Conlon the Killer do to you last night?” Cal was making too much noise as they walked into the main entrance.  
“More like what I did to him,” she mumbled. Cal walked off to his building, still giggling, and Lena walked off to hers, flipping him off. It was going to be that kind of day.  
All through her three classes Lena obsessively checked her phone. Nothing was registering. She rebooted it just to make sure, hoping any minute Tommy would text her and tell her something, anything. Little did she know he was crawling out of his skin, at the airport, through security, in the airplane, at the baggage claim. Tommy just wanted to get someplace quiet where he could call her, hear her voice.

Lena was halfway through her shift at the restaurant when her phone started going off in Vince’s office. She was so busy she didn’t see it, hear it. But when she finally got to it, she found three texts- “I miss you already. Call when I get a chance.” “I’m in my motel room. It’s terrible. I’m fucking starving.” –and, “I called but you’re probably working. I’m exhausted, call you in the morning. Love you- T.”  
Lena held the phone to her chest for a moment, thinking of him in his room, in the dark, where she wanted to be. She would talk to him tomorrow, she was sure, but she would have loved to hear his voice in her ear right then.  
THE next few days passed slowly, Lena moved through her workouts and classes in a daze. She went to work the same way, even while Vince briefed her, Louis and Butch on how everything had to go while he was gone. Louis was Vince’s friend and partner from way back, he didn’t know or care about the restaurant business much, but since Vince was leaving for vacation he felt obligated to hang out. Truth was Vince was looking to buy Louis out and install Lena in his place, but Vince knew things took time. He was street-smart and business savvy, and he wasn’t going to make a move until the time was right.   
Lena took care of the deposits, the orders and the daily sheets, Louis ran the restaurant while Lena was in school. Butch was running the kitchen like a drill sergeant and no one messed with Butch’s kitchen anyway. The servers were well-behaved, they liked working for Vince and wanted to keep their jobs while he was away. Much to Lena’s surprise no one called in or tried to pull any shit-maybe it was the scary stories they heard about Louis, that he had gone to jail for murder when it really had been a burglary job gone wrong when he was 16. Only Lena knew that, and she wasn’t going to spill the beans when everybody was being so good. Why mess up a good thing?  
Lena didn’t hear from Tommy in a week after he first arrived and tried texting her. She wondered what was going on there, if Tommy was OK, if Paddy was surviving rehab. She wanted to ask Cal to message Brendan but she knew it really wasn’t any of her business. She felt like she was going insane waiting for the phone to ring.  
Finally, after ten long days, Lena was at home studying when her phone rang, and it wasn’t Cal for once.  
“Tommy, baby, oh my God!”  
Tommy laughed in her ear, an infectious little chuckle. “Fuck Lena, they wouldn’t let me have my phone back til tonight!”   
Lena looked at the time- it was 10:30 pm her time, 8:30 in Arizona. “I knew something had to be up, I know you would have called me by now-“  
“Yeah they run this place like it’s the fuckin’ military. I know how it works. But I didn’t know I wouldn’t be able to use my phone…it’s all bullshit. So forget all that, how you doin’?”  
His voice did things to her, it was soft and soothing and deep and sounded like thunder and leaves rustling in the wind.  
“I’m OK, Tommy…I guess. Missing you. Has it been a month yet?!?”  
Tommy scoffed. “No, doll, I wish. It’s not bad here, but I feel like I’m back in basic. Colt goes out every night with the trainers and I’m stuck in here with the fuckin’ TV and grilled chicken for dinner every night.” He laughed. “When I come out, I’m gonna make my money though. It’s all worth it. Just miss you though.” He sounded almost close enough to touch. Lena’s heart ached.   
“I know I need to get used to you being away…I’ve been pretty busy with school and the restaurant-“  
“Hey how’s Cal’s mom? Did you go to the doc with them last week?”  
“She’s good, Tommy, she’s in the clear.”  
“Well that’s great.” He sighed deeply. “So…whatcha wearin’?”  
Lena laughed at his sly sexy voice tickling her ear. “Oh you know…black lace and not much else…”  
Silence. Then, “You better watch out…you know I’m not gonna tell you when I get back. I’m just gonna show up. You’ll be in so much trouble…” He growled the last part and Lena shivered.  
“I wouldn’t expect anything else from you Tommy.” Lena took in a deep breath at the thought of his body against hers.   
“Yeah, I’ll tear black lace to shreds, doll.” His voice was a breathy menace. “By the time I get home…shit I’m already so worked up thinkin’ ‘bout you now…” Lena swore she heard skin-on-skin contact through the phone. She wanted to ask but didn’t have to. “My dick’s so big Lena…tell me what you’re wearin’, for real.”  
Lena cleared her throat. This was going to be a first for her. “Pink tank. And pink panties.” Already her heart was pounding just listening to him breathe.  
“Oh yeah? Whyn’tcha take ‘em off. Now.”  
Lena stood up and went into her bedroom, slipping her panties off as she was told. She laid back on the bed and ran her hand down her side, smoothing over her stomach to her sex.  
“They’re off, Tommy.”  
“Good,” he breathed. “Go lay down on your bed.”  
“Already am, boss,” she whispered, listening to his breath catch in his throat.  
“Are you wet?” He couldn’t ask, just pant. Lena was so close already, her hand was wet and her breasts were heaving thinking about what he was doing to himself.  
“Yes…so wet…Tommy I need you, I want you…” she was starting to whine just a little and Tommy made some deep growl into the phone.  
“That’s it…what you need, tell me…”  
“I need you to fuck me, harder harder-“  
“Fuck!” he yelled, and Lena was right there too. They came together over the phone, so strange but so much more satisfying than when she was alone. She imagined what it looked like on his end and it pushed her over the edge, she cried out into the mouthpiece and she could hear him straining not to yell anymore.  
“Oh Tommy, oh my God….”  
“Lena…I’m your slave. You know that, don’t you…” He was gasping. Lena imagined him lying back, his body glistening and his chest heaving. What a sight.  
“Hurry back to me…I miss you.” Lena was still, staring at the ceiling, at nothing, listening to him, not wanting him to hang up. Ever. Except to come home to her.  
“I miss you too.” He sounded so relaxed, so tired. “Twenty one more days.”  
“Sounds like forever-“  
“But it will go by fast. Just the nights…haven’t been sleepin’ well, no whisky.” He laughed bitterly. “Talked to Brendan earlier, Pop seems to be hangin’ in there so far. Just got to visit him the other day I guess. Maybe there’s hope.”  
“How long is he in the program for again?” she asked.  
“Two weeks. It’s almost over for him. But he’s done this before, I just…I hope he gets it this time. Course with the dementia…he could be tryin’ to bust out tonight.”  
“Shit Tommy, I’m sorry…a lot to worry about when you have to focus on other stuff. You’re the one that needs to hang in there.” Lena rolled onto her side and hugged her blanket.  
“Hey, it’s OK. Been through worse. A lot worse. I’ll be back in a few weeks…everything will be alright.” Tommy sounded like he was falling asleep.  
“Love you,” she whispered. Tommy sighed softly, she hoped contentedly.  
“I love you too angel.”  
“Talk to you tomorrow?”  
“Yeah…tomorrow. Promise.”  
“Goodnight baby.” But there was a click on the line and she imagined he fell asleep with the phone by his ear. She curled up in bed and sighed, alone again.


	28. Fiat Lux

ANOTHER day, and another…Lena was running ragged. Between work and school she didn't have time to blink. Cal was having a hell of a time running the gym- he called her constantly, because he didn't want to have to call Colt unless he absolutely had to, and as a result he was driving Lena nuts. She felt like she couldn't breathe.  
Finally Vince came home. He had extended his trip, saying he had "somethin' special happenin'."He was gloriously happy, having won $10,000 dollars in a poker tournament. How blessed was Lena to get an extra grand in pay from Vince, on top of what he was already paying her.  
"Lena, take a few days off, will ya?" Vince had her in the office, sitting down with her to get all the info of the last two weeks past. He could see the rings around her eyes, she had lost a little weight too. "Christ, you look like a zombie."  
Lena raised her eyebrows, but she didn't smile. "Thanks, nice to see you too."  
"No really, go home." He looked at the clock. He had been gone exactly two weeks, and it was 10:30 at night. Lena looked like hell. "Please."  
"Hey, alright, not gonna argue!" She stood up, gave Vince a big hug. "Thanks Uncle. I'm going home to go to bed."  
"I don't wanna see you in here til Friday night. Got it?"  
Lena smiled, grabbing her purse. "Yes boss. Goodnight, I love you."  
"Love you too girl."  
Lena was on her way home when her phone started ringing. She took in a deep breath-she was going to flip out if it was Cal again. It was Tommy, thank God, it had been too many days, six long days to be exact. Lena was miserable without him.  
"Hey doll," his voice was sweet and rough in her ear. "I miss you baby. You off work yet?"  
"Yeah…damn Tommy it's been six days. I hate not hearing from you." Lena's eyes filled with tears but she would be damned if she let them fall.  
Tommy sighed loudly. "I know. I wish I could call you more…I thought things would be different. Doesn't help that one of the trainers found my HGH…not supposed to have it. Colt got pissed, almost got sent home. Bullshit." He was pissed off, Lena could hear the edge in his voice.  
"When did this happen?"  
"The day after I finally got to talk to you. I'm not a fuckin' teenager, I just want to get this over with. They really try to run this place like the brig….I'm really havin' a hard time with it, Lena."  
Suddenly Lena realized he sounded like he had been drinking. "Tommy, are you in your room?"  
"Umm yeah, why?"  
"Because you sound a little…tipsy?"  
Tommy laughed out loud. "Shit, it's that obvious?"  
"Baby you've switched moods at least three times now. You're not supposed to be drinking. Right?"  
He snorted. "Yep, you're right. I can't deal with this…can't sleep. I thought I could handle it, but you know how much shit I've been through…just need to see you," he whispered, his voice a raspy rush through her earpiece. Tommy sounded like he was standing next to her, and it made her shiver, made her body rattle. She was sitting in her parking lot now, the car running. She wanted to drive to Arizona and pick him up.  
"You don't have much time left, baby. You can do this. You were meant to do this."  
"Was I? I think about what my life could have been….should have been. But then I wouldn't have met you. Fuck this!" he suddenly yelled into the phone, making her jump.  
"Tommy. Stop whatever you're doing, listen to me. Don't mess this up, when you wake up tomorrow you'll only have eleven days left-"  
"Oh no, wait Lena, this is the best part! I'm stuck here another two weeks!"  
"What?!"  
"Yeah," he growled, snickering at the same time. "Some fights lined up already. One of 'em is going to Sparta too. There's some expo goin' on and yours truly was invited to fight Leandro Rivera."  
"Oh I've heard of him. He's tough…but you're tougher."  
"I'll fuckin' kill him, Lena…he'll be lucky to make it to Sparta. Fuck." He was irritated, worked up.  
"Tommy…if you have anything left will you please pour it down the drain, please."  
Angry sigh. "No."  
"Please, Tommy."  
"I don't wanna play by the rules, Lena. I got my own."  
"Yeah but they're gonna mess everything up, Tommy…please, for me."  
Lena heard a toilet flush. "It's gone. OK? Happy? Fuck it all. You know what, I'll call you tomorrow. I gotta go…I love you little girl." He sounded so frustrated.  
"Tommy? Tommy…" But he was gone. Damn. "I love you too," she whispered.  
Lena practically crawled up her stairs, slid into bed half-dressed, and fell asleep. A dark nasty dream crouched there in her mind, she saw David hiding behind a half-burned overturned Humvee, and there was a relentless ongoing gunfight. She could hear someone yelling, see bullets fly by and then hear a scream-"grenade!" in her dream she saw Tommy throwing himself over David as the grenade ignited, and her dream filled with fire and death.  
She sat up in bed, gasping for air, pouring sweat. It was dawn. She looked at her phone-nothing there but the time. She wondered what had happened with Tommy last night, and she fought the urge to call him. It was 4:30 AM his time. She hoped he had fallen asleep, quietly and deeply. Something else to worry about that she had not anticipated- Tommy was unraveling there almost 2,000 miles away from her. She could do nothing but sit in hopeful patience that he was going to make it. She knew he could, but the lack of sleep and probably the diet, plus the lack of alcohol that he had been relying on and all his worries were wearing him thin. If he could just find his focus…

Lena had an early class that day anyway. Spring break was coming up, and she was ready. April was rushing by, and that meant midterms, which Lena had been preparing for and even got some of them out of the way already. Still trying to cram everything in, she was spin dizzy.  
Tommy called her around noon. He sounded groggy and sick. "Hey. I'm an asshole. I'm sorry I hung up on you last night."  
"Are you OK, Tommy?" Lena was getting her bag around her shoulder, heading to the car.  
"Hmm…no. I'm not OK. But it's alright. Got what I deserve. Hangover, I never get fuckin' hangovers…"  
"You do when your body is in serious training. Poor thing, Tommy if I were there-"  
"If you were here, I wouldn't have been drinkin'…don't feel bad for me, I asked for this."  
Lena sighed. "Damn, Tommy…what are you doing today?"  
Tommy coughed loudly, sounded like he was really sick. "I'm in between muay thai and weight training. Are you at school?"  
"No baby, leaving now." She was sitting in her little hatchback now, and the inside of the car had to be 80+ degrees. Spring was heating up. "You really don't sound well Tommy."  
"Yeah, my trainer, Alex, wanted me to go back to my room. But I told him to fuck off." Lena could hear his smile through the phone. "I'm not a quitter. Fuck that, I want this done and over with so I can come home."  
"Yeah…mmm Tommy. Love you." She was quiet, listening to him breathe-she rested her head back and closed her eyes. "Another month."  
"Mmmhmm. Hang in there for me, doll." His husky voice wrapped around her brain, soft as silk, rich and warm as melted butter. "This is it, Alex is waving at me. I gotta go. Love you babe. Call ya later."  
"OK Tommy. Take it easy, will ya?"  
He laughed. "Yeah. Sure."  
LENA was in Vince's office that night, much to Vince's chagrin.  
"Hey. I said Friday. Get the fuck outta here." He really looked pissed.  
"Listen, I gotta talk to you." Lena grabbed his hand as they perched on his desk together. "I'm gonna call Colt but I wanted to ask you first. Please can I take a few days off, I need to go see Tommy as soon as his lab is over. He's sick, he's having a rough time. I need to see him and I think he needs to see me more."  
Vince looked at her incredulously. "Are you serious? First, of course you can take some time off, you're gonna take a week off, since you been looking like something the cat dragged in and I think you need a break during your time offa school. And second, do you really think Tommy can't do this? He's a fuckin' Marine, kid. He's just fucked up. I told you. You may not be helpin' by goin' down there, but I'll let Colt tell you that. What's Cal gonna do without you?" Vince was smiling now, watching her face slide into a devastated expression. "C'mon kid, don't look like that. Maybe you should go, I don't know…"  
"I'm gonna call Colt later. I just wanted to clear it with you first." Lena closed her eyes and blew out a breath. "Cal's just gotta get through it for a few days til I get back. I've been helping him over the phone for the most part anyway…"  
"Yeah but you know how he is, he'll feel all abandoned when you leave." Vince winked at her. "Don't you worry kid, I'll go pay him a visit. He just needs some advice is all. Got his hands full with those knuckleheads up there."  
Lena threw her arms around his neck. "Thank you Uncle. I've already bought my plane tickets anyway-"  
"No shit! Thought you had to talk to me first?" But Vince was laughing.  
"Well…they're refundable tickets." Lena grinned sheepishly. "I gotta talk to Colt too."  
"Yeah, just tell him you're comin'. Don't give him no choice. When's Tommy's last day in there?"  
"In a week and five days. Spring break starts in a week, so…"  
"Fuckin' perfect. Nice to see you take some time off, kid, never seen this before. You need a break. Just hope this is gonna do it."

Lena didn't tell Tommy she bought tickets to Sedona, she didn't tell him she had talked to Colt and got a reluctant OK from him, that she would be in his room waiting for him when he got back from the UFC press meet in twelve days. It was so very hard considering he had chances to call her more and more often, each time a different part of him that he let her see, either he was falling apart, or pissed, or calm, or exhausted, or once or twice focused and militaristic. Mostly he was tired and brief with her, honey on his tongue with a yawn not far behind.  
She struggled through her midterms, not worried somehow at all about them. She was in Colt's gym, sifting through paperwork with Cal. She was in the restaurant, helping Vince run the show. She was even at her mom's one night with anchovy pizza and beer to play cards with Rita and her mom, telling them excitedly that she was leaving for five days and six nights to be with Tommy as much as she could, and watch his first professional fight in years. Rita and Senna promised her they would be in the bar together to watch it when it aired on PPV too.

Lena had her bags packed, and Vince himself was taking her to Pittsburgh International Airport in his sexy black gangster car. Her flight left at 5:40 AM, she would land in Phoenix at 6:57 AM-even after a four hour flight she would move backwards through time. After a 30 minute layover she would board a plane to Flagstaff for almost an hour-long flight. From there she would pick up her rental car and drive almost an hour to get to Sedona, where Tommy was staying- The Orchards Inn, an upscale motel. She would be waiting in his room, Colt already had it set up with the front desk-after the press meet it would be about noon, and Lena figured her timing would be just about perfect, and Tommy would find her on his couch, or in his bathtub, or in his bed, when he walked in.  
Vince had given her more cash than she needed, she had tried to refuse but Vince was really happy she was taking some time off, even though he wondered what he was going to do without her for almost a week. Money was no object for Vince to buy his niece a little happiness after everything she had done for him.  
Lena tried to sleep during the flight, but it was nearly impossible. She was so wired. She flipped through magazines, flipped through her e-book reader, couldn't stay focused enough to absorb anything that her eyes scanned over. She wondered if Tommy would try to call her when he woke up-she figured he would, and get irritated with her voicemail like he did sometimes. She had saved the last one, just for posterity.  
"Lena. You must be workin'. I hate leaving messages. Goddammit. Love you."  
Phoenix was pleasant so early in the morning. Lena was only outside briefly as she had to run to the other side of the airport to get to her plane that was headed for Flagstaff. She couldn't miss it.  
Flagstaff was sunny and smelled like pine trees. There was melting snow on the mountaintops, and Lena instantly fell in love with her surroundings as she drove to Sedona. Red rocks, dark green brush, mountains…such dramatic terrain. The car rental place had given her a map with several routes to take, all scenic and beautiful. All that Lena could think about was seeing Tommy's scenic beauty. She had several texts, two from Tommy asking her if she was awake yet, one from Colt telling her everything was cool at the desk, the hotel knew she was coming. Lena was full of butterflies, cranked up the radio in her Jeep Cherokee rental and pushed on.  
She followed her GPS directions to The Orchards Inn, pulled in at 11:35 AM. The place was beautiful, not what she was expecting. It was high on a hill, it looked like a resort more than a hotel. She couldn't believe the natural beauty surrounding it. She hauled herself in through the wide front doors to the desk, where after she showed proper ID she was slipped a plastic magnetized card that would open the door to Tommy's room. She took the elevator to the third floor, found room 309 and opened the door to a large apartment-style room, with a beautiful view of the rugged red rocks that surrounded the hotel. Tommy's king-size bed was perfectly made, there was a faint smell of his citrus musk cologne hanging in the air-she saw an ironing board open with the iron still sitting up on it. Everything was meticulously organized- Staff Sergeant Thomas Conlon was living here.  
Lena poked around, picking up his bodywash and smelling it, looking in his closet and finding new clothes with tags still on them, jeans and plain t-shirts, a few hoodies, nothing special. She fished out her black lace stockings, black lace teddy, black shiny stiletto heels, and jumped in the shower to freshen up after her travel adventure. She had just finished putting on a little make-up and spritzed some sexy scent on herself, when she heard the door click. Her heart was in her mouth-it had been five weeks since she had seen him, and he did not disappoint. Lena had pulled the shades, trying to add some ambience, and Tommy opened the door to his room to see someone standing by his window. Lena could already see how much he had filled out, his dark red dress shirt was stretching tight over his shoulders and his black slacks were snug in the thigh-even though it was a little darker in the room than she wanted it to be she could see him perfectly. Tommy, on the other hand, froze in his tracks. The door closed with a soft metallic click, and Tommy was sniffing the air, staring at the figure in his room.  
Finally Lena started making her way towards him, and she could see he had caught the sun in his cheeks, his eyes glowed blue at her, he licked his pillow-like lips nervously and she felt her knees give way. Now he could see her, in black lace and high heels, coming towards him slowly, smiling at him. He looked shocked to the core.  
"How-how did you…" He slowly looked her up and down, and when his eyes met hers again she could see his nostrils flare, his eyes turning black. Predator. "I can't fuckin' believe this." His voice was a breathy growl.  
Lena casually approached him, staggered by the width of his build but not letting on. She began unbuttoning his shirt, slowly, looking into his eyes, his beautiful face, his shock still registering. She moved a little closer and pressed up against him, her belly met with his rock hard erection straining inside his slacks. His shirt fell away, revealing rounded muscles, cut like a statue, all over him, even his neck was more thick and powerful than ever.  
"Ohh my God," she heard herself whisper, her fingers gently running along his broad, wide chest, down his serrated ribs and along the wide expanse of his eight-pack belly.  
"Yeah, you like it?" Tommy's voice grated in his throat and he was smiling at her mischievously. "And uh, what do you have on?" He switched on a light on the wall to get a better look. Lena turned around slowly, seductively, so he could see everything. He growled low and loud, and she could see his handsome face break out in a sheen of sweat.  
"Holy shit." His jaw clenched, he sniffed in a deep breath. "Looks like the joke is on me. I was supposed to be doin' this, surprisin' you." He unbuckled his belt and took it off, folded it in his hands and snapped it. "Walk." His voice was deep, slow, sexy. "Now."  
Lena started walking back into the room, and Tommy exhaled shakily, watching her closely, prowling behind her, snapping his belt again.  
"Am I in trouble?" She stopped for a moment, and Tommy threw the belt to the floor.  
"Yeah, but not that kind," he whispered huskily, and suddenly came up behind her, his slacks falling to the floor. She felt his angry lust, hard all over, muscled arms winding around her to toss her on the bed, and then his naked body was against her, the lace starting to tear at her stockings from the friction. Tommy was possessed, taking her down almost like an opponent and then kissing at her neck and throat as his hips ground his cock against her. She could feel the slippery excitement coming from him against her thigh, and she gasped as his wide body fit in between her thighs just barely, she grasped at his back and found muscles like broad hills rising from his shoulderblades and down. Lena had no recourse but to ride his full throttle assault on her. Tommy's thick fingers pulled her panties to the side and suddenly he was inside her, full and wide, his heavy frame almost crushing her. He growled, moaned, stayed still inside her as he kissed her face, sucked at her mouth with his. She felt totally overwhelmed and was loving it, he was burning her alive with his passion.  
"Went fuckin' crazy without you Lena…fuck you're incredible…." His voice was crackling lightning and rumbling thunder in her ear. She cried his name breathlessly, trying to draw her legs up and around him and finding it almost impossible-even his buttocks were bigger, rounder, more solid. Tommy suddenly pulled out of her, and just that quick his full lips were tugging at her clit, his hands yanking her panties down and off so he could inhale her pussy. Lena cried out loud, her body recoiling as he sucked and licked her aggressively, and she came hard like a shotgun blast, her fingers in his dark hair already wet with sweat. Tommy rose up, his face red and wet with her juices, and he looked like a Greek god on his knees before her, the God of Lust to be sure.  
"I'm gonna fuck you with these heels on, Lena…you're not allowed to take 'em off." His cock was pointing at her from the nest of dark hair at the perfect middle of his flawless body.  
"Do it, Tommy…come here and fuck me."  
Tommy fell on her, finding the wet fount that he drove into, groaning softly in her ear. He pushed one of her legs out to the side to see the black shiny stiletto glinting at him as he thrusted into her again and again, gentle but savage at the same time. Lena cried out into the pillow, orgasming against him, around him-when she opened her eyes she saw his mountainous body pinioning her to the bed to fill her, his face swollen and his lips red, his eyes slits. Was this real?  
"Goddammit!" he shouted, and pulled out of her to shower her black lace with thick white threads of his come. "Ahh…I couldn't…hold it…"  
Lena reached up for his face, wiping sweat from his brow, away from his eyes. He was still up on his knees, panting and staring down at her.  
"You're beautiful, doll," he whispered, his hands working her thigh-high lacy stockings down, pulled her heels off, urged her up to pull her teddy off too, taking the mess with it. Tommy fell on her again, gently this time, and he gathered her in his arms to kiss and caress her, hold her to him like she was the dearest thing in the world to him. Lena did the same, as best she could with his new size-she knew he was going to be bigger but she wasn't completely prepared for how much he had really changed. He had worked so hard to get there, all she could do was kiss him and rub and knead on the neverending mass of muscle he had become.  
"Tommy, Tommy," she whispered, and he rose up from nuzzling her neck to kiss her softly, sweetly, then deeply, slowly. He felt like heaven.  
"Babe I missed you so much," he breathed, and he rubbed her face with his. "Tell me how this happened. Later." He was kissing her throat, her neck, her collarbone, down to her breasts. They had a lot of catching up to do first.


	29. Courage Honor Love Fidelity

Lena ran her fingers into his hair, held the back of his head as he buried his face into her sex- she didn't know how much she could take, she was so sensitive from his first attack. She tried pulling him up, but he pushed her hands away. She tried breaking away from him and he just pinned her to the bed so he could keep eating her alive.

"No no no," she heard him mumble, and his fingers were inside her, pushing, sliding, stirring inside her like she was a bowl of cake batter. She thought she was going to scream, her body was lifting off the bed despite all the strength he was using to hold her down.

"Tommy…Tommy…" she was on the verge of hysteria as despite herself she was coming- her entire body caught a flash of lightning that surged through her for what seemed an eternity, and she didn't ever want it to stop. When Tommy finally came up he was wet and breathless, ruddy and hard for her. He threw her legs apart to crawl in between, running his tongue up her sternum to bite at her neck.

"I missed your little juicebox," he growled in her ear, hoisting her legs up to slide in slowly, filling her completely. "Ahhhh…."

Lena's eyes rolled in the back of her head- she was overwhelmed by him, he was so very strong, big in her arms, wide inside her, wet all over, his muscles flexing against her. And when she looked up into his eyes, his face…she felt all her insides exploding into a million butterflies in a downpour of rain.

"Tommy, Tommy…" she cried his name breathlessly, straining against him and pulling him tight at the same time. His thrusts into her were short, fast and deep, and he rose up to watch her face as he did it, smiling at her expression. Her hands clawed at his chest, his ribs, her fingers sliding along wet hard muscles.

"Are you gonna come again for me, Lena?" Tommy's voice was the mean growl that made her shiver.

"Tommy, I don't know if I can-"

"Oh yes, yes you fucking are…I'm not quittin' until you do." He was still pumping her body but not hurting her, and she could feel the wetness running down onto the bed beneath her. She arched her body against him, burying her face into the mess they made of his pillows, and Tommy ran his hand along her stomach, her breasts- she was as wet as he, his sweat was all over her. His hand grasped her throat lightly as he kept up his rhythm, he used her collarbone as an anchor to continue his assault. Lena's hands closed around his hand and she cried his name as she got closer to his demand, she held her legs up and he caught them to steady them against his chest, rising up to dig deeper into her. Lena couldn't stand it, she opened her eyes to see her own long legs against his tatted chest and belly, his shadowed face just barely visible, enough that she could see his expression of ecstasy barely contained.

"Oh Tommy don't stop PLEASE-" she exploded around him, he was thrusting and twisting inside her and she couldn't hold in her wail. She came and came and couldn't believe it as it was happening, she thought she was going to die it was so strong, and the phospenes exploded in her eyes, her mind was alight with electricity as Tommy pounded her nonstop into endless pleasure.

She opened her eyes to him coming apart, his body trembling and falling over her as he caught himself on his palms, barely pulling out in time as he crushed her, groaning and shaking against her.

"Tommy," she whispered, holding his wet face, pulling him to her to kiss him, sucking the sweat off his jaw as her kiss moved sideways so he could breathe. "I missed you so much."

He fell back next to her, trying to catch his breath. "I was losing my fuckin' mind Lena…I was glad I was gonna have a fight…just so I could work some of it out. Needed you…" He grabbed her hand that was caressing him and kissed it, rested it on his chest. "How the fuck did you manage this?"

Lena rolled onto her side to look at him, smiling at him. "Well…I had some help. Colt gave me the address, me and Vince did the rest."

Tommy stared at her blankly, she couldn't tell what was going on. She thought then he should have played poker, not fought MMA. He could kill with one look, and perplex with the next.

"How long do I have you?" was all he asked, that voice that she loved sounded so much better in person.

"Six days."

"You think you're leavin' me?" Tommy rounded on her, easily coming up on his side and then pinning her to the bed. "You can't go." He started kissing her, softly and sweetly. "I have you now," he whispered. "You're mine."

Lena shivered again. Her body rattled against his and his lips curled in a half-smile.

"Yeah…you should be scared." He laughed softly. "No really. I can't let you leave."

"Tommy…shut up and kiss me." She pulled at his lips with hers, she could get his bottom lip in her mouth and suck and it was like both of hers put together.

He was so hungry for her that he obliged her, his body sliding against her-she tried to grip his shoulders and found the thick wall of trapezius muscles that led to his thick powerful neck. There was so much more of him. She dug her nails gently, broke from the kiss to suck and bite on his neck, his skin, all the muscles that got in her line of kisses and nips. Tommy sighed as she kissed, gasped when she bit, his hands grabbing her to him so he could press his hips against her.

"I have to be somewhere soon…" his voice was a breathless whisper. Lena was rolling over on top of him so she could finally marvel at his hard work.

"Oh my God…Tommy…" she ran her hands over his biceps as she smoothed her face against his wide broad pectorals, his cut obliques, the ribbed belly-then the smooth plane of his lower abs, a flat tight wall with the tickling hair that led to his sex. But he was pulling her up before she could do anything.

"Hey…that's not fair," she protested, pouting against his mouth that sucked her up.

"Can't…have to shower and go to this fuckin' lunch thing with Colt and the UFC suits, then to the gym."

"Ugh. Tommy. What am I gonna do while you're gone…"

"You could go swimming. Or go into town, I dunno…it's a vacation, right?" Tommy smiled crookedly. He was so handsome, his angular face was carved from stone, warm now and looking at her softly. If anyone had told her three months ago that any of this was going to happen she would have been in hysterics.

Tommy looked like a panther, a predator. Soft and sweet sometimes, then so feral and dangerous. His dark hair was wet with sweat and his eyes caught the filtered sunlight to glow at her, blue-green-grey. She ran her hands across his face, her fingertips straightening his eyebrows and her palms smoothing against his already stubbly cheeks.

"I'll figure it out, don't worry Thomas Conlon. Just don't be gone too long…I may get lost in the wilderness."

Tommy's eyebrows went up. "I don't recommend that. There's coyotes and javelinas and who knows what the fuck else out there."

Lena laughed. "I'll figure it out."

Tommy kissed her softly. "I still can't believe you're here. Don't go too far..I should be back around 4 or 5. Then we can go out." He started making his way out of bed, and Lena found herself clinging to him. He kissed her hands, winked at her and walked towards the bathroom. She watched his perfect form all the way.

"Damn," she said out loud, and Tommy laughed, closing the bathroom door.

She was drifting off, a lovely peaceful sleep, when Tommy was kissing her awake.

"Hey doll," he whispered, "if you wanna check it all out it should be on ESPN soon."

"What, the press meet?"

"Yeah, everything. You want me to turn it on?"

"Yeah," she said, sitting up. He was dressed up again, this time in a white dress shirt and black slacks. Damn he looked sexy. He turned the TV on and found ESPN-there were a couple of men on the screen talking MMA. Tommy leaned in and kissed her cheek, her mouth.

"I love you little girl," he whispered, his eyes boring into her. "I'll see you in a few hours. Call down to room service when you get hungry."

He stood up straight and waved briefly before he left. Lena sighed heavily and sunk back into the cushy bed. The men on TV weren't talking about Tommy so she started drifting off.

"-Tommy Conlon, the same guy who tore through Sparta six years ago? Isn't he a little past his prime?"

"Well we met with him today and this is what he had to say."

Lena opened her eyes and saw him in his dark red dress shirt at a table with Colt and some other people she didn't recognize.

"I'm back and ready for Sparta 7." Was all he said. The camera caught his angular beauty, not a fighter's face, though now even his features had thickened somehow.

"We caught up with Tommy at the Octagon MMA lab he's been in the last four weeks, see for yourself folks."

There was Tommy in full swing, first beating up the bag, beating the muay thai pads, then sparring with some guy- Tommy was just wrapped with gloves but the other guy had full headgear and body pads on. Tommy hit and hit and hit, and she saw that focused rage again, pure lethal violence in motion.

"I would say he's looking great, wouldn't you?" one commentator asked the other.

"Those bags and pads don't hit back, Alan. Really this guy just got out of the brig in Lejeune, North Carolina. He's got that weak shoulder from Sparta one, when his brother popped his arm out of the socket and damaged his rotator cuff, which required surgeries. He's got way too many weaknesses and not enough fire to get to Sparta much less go through it."

Lena was pissed off and almost shut it off, when the other commentator said, "Let's go back six years to Sparta 1 and see the incredible Tommy Conlon's abilities."

She watched as they replayed snippets of every fight from Sparta that Tommy had fought. It didn't take long, because Tommy massacred every fighter mercilessly. She saw his face, he looked so much younger then, but he never gave interviews or anything that would put him in front of a camera, then he was on the run from the brig chasers then.

Lena knew she should have turned it off when the last fight with Brendan came on-she remembers seeing some of it six years ago. There were the two brothers, going at it, all the anger and hurt bleeding out between them there in the octagon. Lena heard the snap of Tommy's shoulder, she heard his scream-tears filled her eyes as she watched him get up and head in to the next round anyway.

"Didn't they see he was hurt?!" she cried out at the TV. Tommy's shoulder had immediately started swelling and bruising, he obviously wasn't able to use it but he swung and batted at Brendan anyway. The worst part was watching Brendan wailing on his bad shoulder, she could see Tommy's face in one of the shots and she could see the pain was about to break him. But he still wouldn't give up, and Brendan finally had to kick him in the head to get him down, put him in a chokehold that turned Tommy purple, and finally Tommy tapped out.

Lena couldn't hear the annoying announcers anymore, she was crying uncontrollably. She had known, seen this, but…everything was so different now, she didn't want to watch because it was too bloody, and Tommy was so very violent. She couldn't watch then, and now that she saw it she was left breathless with sadness and hurt for Tommy.

"…that was Tommy Conlon's fifteen minutes of fame. We'll see what he's got left in him when he fights Leandro Rivera, see it here on UFC headquarters ESPN MMA Powertalk!"

Lena switched the TV off and fell into bed, hearing the crack and pop of Tommy's shoulder in her ear. She shivered, wept a little more. Tommy just had it bad from the start, his dad an abusive alcoholic, escape with his mother, having to deal with her sickness and death alone, joining the Marines before he was even 18, losing his best friend in a horrible friendly- fire bombing, losing Sparta to his older brother and going to jail… Lena just cried her heart out for him. So much darkness…

She awoke to her cell phone ringing loudly on the nightstand. She looked at the display-Cal.

"Hello?"

"You bitch, you had to go and leave me. There was a fire at Colt's today-"

"What?!"

"It's nothing major. Caught it in time, but fuck! It could've been bad if I hadn't been there. They think it was electrical- I had someone come out to look at the air conditioning unit and they think he crossed a wire or somethin'. "

"Have you talked to Colt?"

"Well yeah, just now. He's calm now, almost hopped a plane home."

"Damn Cal, all you had to do was close it early, you didn't have to try and burn the place down for a day off!"

"Fuck you. You get to go on vacation, me I'm stuck here. Fuckin' sucks. So how's it goin', they comin' back anytime soon?"

"Probably another two weeks."

"SHIT!" Cal yelled into the phone. "What the fuck is going on there Lena?"

"Cal…I am really sorry, but it's Tommy, he has fights lined up and-"

"Yeah I know, been watching ESPN. I got people coming in the office now, I gotta go. Call you later?"

"Yeah, of course."

Cal hung up, and Lena sighed loudly. All she wanted was to see Tommy. Right away.


	30. Joy and Pain

Lena felt like she waited forever. She showered, dressed in one of the nice dresses she brought with her, heels and flowery print fabric snug on her curves, and chased her features with a little makeup to cover the tear-swollen face she had now.

It was 5:30 when the front door opened, and Tommy shuffled in, dragging a big gym bag in with him. He had on a black tank and grey sweatpants that looked like they were going to burst at the seams with his muscular frame. He was drenched with sweat, and when he turned to look at her she saw he had a black eye and a split bottom lip. She raced over to him and he held his hands up, dropping the gym bag.

"Hold on hold on,"he said, stepping back. "I asked for it. I wanted it. I needed some competition. OK?" He looked at her expression, shock and the apparent need she was fighting back to touch him, reach out to him. Tommy smiled through his pain, his lip was oozing and it hurt, but he didn't care. He took her in, pretty in her dress and heels, dark hair long and half-swept back. "Oh baby. You look beautiful."

Lena coughed, and he swore he saw her tear up as she wrapped her arms around his neck. She held onto him and he embraced her warm little frame in his hard thick arms. She sobbed softly against his neck, and he tried to pull her back to see her face, but she fought him to stay in his arms, her lips against his salty skin, pressed so tight to him that there was no space between them whatsoever.

"Hey," he said softly, stroking her hair. "You OK?"

She shook her head 'no', still not letting go.

"You wanna talk?" Tommy didn't realize he was rocking side to side, soothing her. His blood ran cold when he caught it-something his mom used to do when he was scared, while they were on the run, when she was sick and he was frightened. He didn't stop. She fought against him to stop crying, and he carried her to the bed and set her down on it.

"Tommy," she coughed, clinging to him still. He kneeled at the foot of the bed, and she had her legs around him and her arms around him, she was kissing his wet hair and his forehead, tears falling all over him. "You're my love," her voice a strangled whisper. He buried his face in the bosom of her dress, letting her love him, not sure what was going on but lost for a moment in her desperate need for him.

"Lena…you can talk to me." He kissed her neck and then her jaw, catching some of her tears in his lips, even though it burned he kept kissing until he found her lips, blindly kissing and not caring that it hurt. Lena broke from the kiss, breathing hard, touching his face, his lips. He saw the tears rolling down her face, and he was puzzled and upset by it. She looked at him, in his eyes, aquamarine in the light.

"I saw the fight…Sparta-"

"Shh, don't-" Tommy tried to calm her, rubbing her shoulders.

"Tommy, I had never seen it, not really-"

"Lena stop-"

"I know, I'm sorry." She sat still while Tommy stared at her. She reached out to touch him, her hands caressing his hardened features. "I just had a rough day. I can see you did too. Just needed to see you." She smiled weakly at him.

"It's old news, Lena. I thought you'd seen it by now, fuck everyone else has. I don't need your pity. I did what I had to do, my whole life been like that. Don't."

She just looked at him, tears still falling. "I don't give a fuck what you say. Broke my heart watching that. Knowing what a hard time you've had in life. I just hurt for you." She ran her nails through his hair, pulling it away from his injured face. "You're mine now, aren't you, and I want to look after you…if you'll let me."

"I been doin' it myself," he whispered, unblinking.

"Not anymore," she whispered back, her hands running down his neck, his shoulders, his arms. Her gaze turned hot, and his body reacted instantly.

"I need a shower-" he was cut off as she abruptly stood, pulling her dress off in one swift motion, leaving red lace and not much else. Tommy's breath caught in his throat. She pulled him up with her, and hiked his sweats down, his cock in her face as she came back up to kiss his neck, bite his throat, her fist closing around the hard shaft and stroking him tight and fast. "Uhhh Lena I really-"

"Just shut up," she said, pulling her panties down and taking him with her as she fell into the bed. Tommy acquiesced, sliding inside her, hitting that sweet spot inside of her that made her shudder and throw her head back. "Oh Tommy," she gasped, her legs locking around him, her heels digging into his flesh just enough to hurt a little. He thrusted hard and deep, making her cry out, and his hand came up and caressed her throat, her face, and then he crushed her to him and filled her, buried her, making her scream into his shoulder, red faced and grasping at him, her body arched and stiff against him as he hit her hard, her body becoming a waterfall, soaking him and the bedcover.

"Goddammit,"he gasped, and he was going over the edge too. She squeezed him so tight inside her he thought his head would explode trying to pull away, but she held him tight to her and he lost it all there, spilling over deep inside her, crushing her in his arms as his body let go, filling her with his seed. "Fuck Lena fuck," he growled, gasping for air, and collapsed on top of her.

She held him as best she could considering his body was almost three times the size of hers. She was wet all over, and she was starving. She needed some food if she was going to survive the next week.

"I ain't worth a fuck now," he rasped and laughed out loud. Schoolboy giggle. Made Lena smile.

"I think you're worth a few more fucks tonight, at least I hope so."

Tommy picked his head up and looked at her, his eyes narrowed. Well, one eye narrowed.

"That's all you want me for, huh? Sex. I'm just your plaything."

Lena's face registered playful shock. "I've been exposed. I'm just in it for the dick."

"I fuckin' knew it," he said, dropping his head back down. "Well ya shoulda just been honest. I hate liars."

"I had to use a few tricks to get what I wanted, what can I say?" She rubbed his back through the wet tank that was plastered to his skin. "I regret nothing."

"As long as you don't ask me for money I guess I'll let you slide. I ain't payin ya."

"You mean you're broke? Well fuck this, I'm out."

Tommy looked up at her, grinning through his busted lip. "You ain't goin nowhere doll. I told ya you're mine now to do with as I fuckin please."

"What do you have in mind?"

He winked with his good eye. "I ain't tellin'."

"You bring a donkey in here I'm calling the cops."

Tommy laughed and started getting up. "Oh well, there goes that idea." He winced a little, cussed some more, then pulled her up to press her against him. "I wanna kiss you so bad, damn. I'm gonna bleed all over ya." He picked her up and threw her over his shoulder, hauling her off to the bathroom with him, where he ran a hot shower and attempted to yank her in still in her red lace bra. The water felt so good, Tommy couldn't hide his expression of joy as the shower head beat into his back. Lena was washing his chest, her hands splayed out across his pecs, his shoulders, his neck, getting tangled in his dog tags- one that read MANUEL FERNANDEZ and the other THOMAS CONLON, all his tats were stories she wanted to hear, so much of him he never shared. Tommy caught her staring, reading him as if he were a billboard. Lena just looked up at him and he could see all her questions that she wasn't asking.

Tommy took her hand and touched his right pec, where there were two theatrical masks-"Laugh Now, Cry Later".

"Got this when I first went into the Marines. I just turned 18." His voice was soft, his eyes calm. He ran her fingertips along the number above it- "1338046". "Manny's military ID number." He covered his right shoulder with her hand, over part of the big tribal design that ran over his entire upper arm and shoulder. "I designed this." Tommy slid her hand down to his lower abdomen- "til I die sw". "Manny and I both got this after we had a close call one night and the master sergeant called us his 'special weapons'." He braced her hand to his left shoulder. "This is the Virgin Mary-my mom was very Catholic and she believed we were being looked out for. She almost killed me when I came home with this. I was 16. Got it touched up later. There's a shooting star above it. And a dragon on the inside-" he bared the underside of his arm-"my mom was born in the year of the Dragon. She was tough like that, too." Tommy sighed, and smiled. " I'm a Scorpio, I got the one on my back in Iraq after I got stung by one." He turned so she could see the scorpion she knew was there. She soaped up his back and rubbed it at the same time, listening to him hiss and moan-he leaned against the tile wall in the big shower and sighed loudly, letting her rub on the knotty muscles all over his back.

Tommy finally turned and scooped her up in his arms, only to press her back against the shower wall and slide her down on his hips, filling her up at the same time, making them both choke on air and steam from the shower.

"Thank you," she whispered, her hips meeting with his thrusts. Tommy's eye was swollen and purplish, forcing it closed, and his lip was swollen too, split a little in the middle enough to ooze blood in the heat of the shower.

"What you thankin' me for", he gasped, hitting her harder, her bottom making a wet smacking sound against the tile.

"Telling me some of your secrets," she said brokenly, her head rolling back and her body arching against him. He didn't say anything, just pressed his face to her neck and drove endlessly into her, making her curse and cry his name. She held on to him, all a working machine of muscle between her arms and legs, pistoning inside her-she wanted to bite him hard, scratch him up as he pushed deep and upwards, ramming her g-spot. Tommy's voice was a strangled muffle against her neck and collarbone, his fingers dug into her flesh as he pinioned her to the shower wall to intensify his attack.

Lena froze as she was wracked with ecstastic waves of pleasure, slow warm currents building towards another stronger one. But Tommy couldn't make it much longer, her tightening orgasmic spasms around his cock ended his stamina.

"Fuck!" he bellowed, and slipped out of her, coming uncontrollably all over the shower floor, all of it sucked down the drain. Exhausted, he fell to his knees, leaving Lena standing there, spun out, gripping the tile wall for support. She looked down at his perfect chiseled body before her, and she smiled at him in the joyous emotion of being near him again. Tommy opened his good eye and smiled back, now sat back and unmoving, taking in her body from another angle.

"Mr. Conlon . Please get up. I haven't finished washing you yet."


	31. Promises

Tommy smiled in spite of himself. He was just too weak to get up yet, he just wanted to stay in the hot spray of the shower a little longer.  
“I’m half dead, girl.” He shook his head and then finally stood. “Ain’t what I used to be.”  
Lena’s eyes widened. “No Tommy. You are amazing. In every way.” She kissed the side of his head and ducked out, leaving him there to absorb the heat some more. In the meantime she got ready for the second time, put new undergarments and the dress and heels back on, and added some makeup.  
Tommy came out, dripping wet and wrapped in a towel. She stopped and stared, amazed by his physicality. He moved as if he didn’t notice her, drying himself off and searching for clothes to wear, naked and glistening in the same room as she. Lena could not help but watch him. He was humming something, swiftly dressing in a plain black t shirt and then hiked into a new pair of light blue jeans that hugged him perfectly. He disappeared for a moment, then came back with his hair parted to one side and combed. He sat on the bed and pulled on his black boots, and finally realized Lena was openly staring at him.  
“What?” he shrugged, looking at her questioningly. Everything about Tommy was attitude, even if he didn’t mean it. Lena smiled.  
“I was just…appreciating the view.”  
Tommy waved her off, his face incredulous. He stood up and looked at her pointedly as best he could with one eye. “Well…? You hungry doll?”  
“Yeah, starving.” She stood up and followed him out the door. He took her hand in the elevator, kissed her cheek, but stayed mysteriously quiet. They exited into the lobby but instead of going out the front door he guided her to the back, where there was a huge extended patio and an enormous pool twinkling below. He led her to a secluded spot where there were already candles burning at one small table and not a soul in sight. Tommy pulled her chair out for her and then sat down next to her, smiling slyly.  
“What’s this?” Lena asked, but it wasn’t long before staff brought out plates with chicken, grilled vegetables and brown rice. Lena thought she was going to black out from hunger, smelling the food drove her wild. One of the staff had fluted glasses and champagne that they poured for the couple. Tommy could barely contain his sheepish delight at it, stealing looks at her and smiling to himself. Finally they were alone and Lena stared at him, then her plate. “OK you have to explain, after I inhale this food.” Tommy nodded, smiling wider, and they both dug in. She felt like she had never eaten before, the chicken was delicious, the vegetables practically melted in her mouth-squash and sweet potato and asparagus. Tommy was ravenous as well and they sat in silence, devouring their food.  
Finally the plates were cleared. Lena felt like a warrior that just got home after a glorious victory-belly full, high on bubbly wine, her prize sitting beside her wiping his lips and sitting back, rubbing his tummy happily.  
She shot him a sideways look, and he caught it. He just smiled wickedly at her.  
“I knew we would be starvin’ so I ordered in. So shoot me.” His crooked smile made her burst out laughing. “What?!?”  
“You’re just shady as hell. You knew I didn’t order out for food today, didn’t you?”  
He nodded. “Yep. I called and asked the desk. I knew you hadn’t left either.”  
“Are you keeping me under watch?”  
“No. Yeah. I just worried about you….here alone in a new place. I just…quit lookin’ at me that way, will ya?” He poured her another glass of champagne, and she waved at him.  
“Oh Tommy I feel really light-headed…”  
His eyebrows cocked at her comment. “Yeah? You want me to take you upstairs?”  
“No, not yet.” She drank the glass down, hiccupped, and smiled at him. “OK now.”  
Tommy stood, pulled her chair out and helped her inside. She was giggling softly, leaning against him.  
“Wow, you’re a cheap date.” Tommy’s husky voice was in her ear in the elevator. She felt dizzy, everything was getting blurry.  
“Tommy…what the hell did we drink?”  
“Some expensive shit, I don’t know. It was recommended with the meal from the restaurant down the street. I’m feeling it too.” He tickled her into a fit of soft high-pitched giggles, blowing air in her ear and down her neck. “Fuck I’m so glad you’re here girl.”  
She grasped his chin in her palm, pulling him in for a kiss that tasted vaguely like sugary champagne and blood. “Baby I couldn’t stay away from you if I tried.”  
Tommy looked down at her, his black eye very purple but she could see the glint of his emerald-cyan eye there, his good eye fixed on her and lit from inside.  
“Thank fuckin’ God,” he growled, his voice slippery and sinister. He urged her out of the elevator to his room, where the next thing she knew she was being lifted into bed, and she had no clothes on, and Tommy was sliding against her, hard muscle and soft skin, her nose filled with his scent. Lena felt so sleepy and cloudy. She heard him whispering, “my girl, my beautiful girl.”  
“Ahh love you…” She slipped her arms around his neck and he was so warm, the bed was so soft. She was already asleep.  
THE NEXT MORNING she woke up to birds twittering on the patio and bright warm sunlight filling the room. It was 9:30 AM, almost noon in Pittsburgh. She had slept in for the first time in a long time. She forced herself to get up and head to the bathroom, where she felt something strange on her hand- on her left ring finger was a small golden band, with a little diamond within a heart shape. She almost screamed in shock.  
Lena raced out of the bathroom to grab her phone and found a note wrapped around it:  
“Good morning. Or afternoon. If you found this it means you found the ring. I was going to give it to you last night but you passed out on me, you dirty drunk. It’s called a promise ring or something. I just wanted to get you something nice. I hope you like it. See you around 5. Love you-T.”  
She sat down slowly on the bed, staring at the ring. It was small, tasteful, very pretty. She wondered how he had managed to get her ring size, but it was no surprise that he played telephone with Colt and Rita and probably her own mother. She wanted to call him, call everyone, but instead she layed back down, staring at the ring some more. It seemed like a big step to her, but then again he already showed interest in wanting to move in together. She knew he was not going to let her go, and she was perfectly OK with that. But she worried also, wondered what their life was going to be like…she didn’t want to get too comfortable so soon and lose the spark that was more like a volcano between them. She needed to know he wasn’t going to get bored and leave her. Lena couldn’t handle any more abandonment or rejection…then again, she knew neither could he.


	32. Just One Date

LENA was full of energy. She went downstairs after a long hot shower, and ordered breakfast-oatmeal and egg white omelette with fresh fruit and a lot of coffee. She had on spandex shorts and a tank, and armed with a map, her phone and a big bottle of water, she drifted off on a hiking adventure. No one was around, so she had ample time to herself with her music to soak up the amazing beauty around her. She took the advanced trail, and by the time she got back to the hotel she was dirty with red dust and sweat. It was the best thing she had done in a long time, and she was thinking about what life would be like if she lived somewhere like this. She grabbed some lunch, the whole time paying for her own food, knowing Tommy would be checking up on her and she was dodging him as best she could. She wasn’t going to run up his bill, and she didn’t want him watching out for her when she could damn well take care of herself. The first day she was a little out of it, today was a new day. She felt empowered by her newfound freedom, and the fact that her phone was in and out of signal she could do whatever she wanted without feeling the slightest bit of guilt. However she knew she had to call Cal and check up on him, call Vince, call her mom…it was only 2pm, and she still had some time before she had Tommy within her reach again. She went upstairs and took another long hot shower-Tommy’s bodywash and shampoo was like therapy for her-and went downstairs to sit by the pool in her bikini to catch some rays and catch up with everyone. She tried not to sound like she was enjoying herself as much as she was, but her satisfaction was hard to hide. Vince sounded like he was really happy for her, Senna missed her, and Cal was cussing her for leaving him.  
“I have to deal with Vince now? What the fuck, did you tell him I couldn’t handle it or somethin’?”  
Lena sighed. “No, Cal. Nothing like that. He just felt you might need some help…tell him to leave you alone then.”  
Cal huffed. “No way I’m gonna tell Uncle Vince to fuck off. Plus he helped me with all the bullshit paperwork last night, so…”  
Lena smiled. “Mmmhmm. OK. Well, my friend, he knows a lot. He just wants to help. You know, so I can enjoy my vacation and you’re not alone-“  
“Ugh, I don’t want help Lena, goddammit I really want to do this by myself! It’s just…how the fuck does Colt do it, plus he trains and shit, I don’t know….”  
“Colt has been doing it for so long Cal, you can’t try to compete or compare. Plus he just opened that big ol’ gym, he’s got his hands full with that-“  
“Yeah, tell me about it. OK I gotta go, looks like the electrician is back. Better not cross any goddamn wires this time, I swear to God.”  
“I love you Cal!!”  
“I love you too. You bitch. Get back here already.” And he hung up on her. Classic Cal.  
Lena turned over on her belly and stretched out. The sun felt like heaven on her skin, not too hot, and very nourishing.  
It was 5pm when she got out of the shower again. She just rinsed off really, and put on some sexy undies and not much else and waited for The Man to walk in. She had butterflies, and she kept looking at the band on her finger, and just smiled to herself.  
Lena was almost asleep at 5:45 when Tommy dragged himself in. He was beat. The bruised eye and busted lip looked a little better, but she could tell the way his arm was positioned that his left shoulder was hurting. He dropped the gym bag, dressed in a black Under Armor shirt and ratty grey sweats, everything soaked with sweat.  
“Well hello there.” She was already out of bed and walking towards him, lacy black boy shorts and a matching tank. Tommy stopped and watched her, his face blank, but his eyes burned her as he looked down at her body until she got close enough, then he looked her straight in her eyes. She shivered with the heat from his gaze.   
Lena took his gym bag and chucked it on a chair. Tommy was still hanging onto the doorknob with his right hand, never saying a word. She reached out to embrace him and he tried to hug her but hissed in pain instead. Lena took him by his right hand and led him to the bed. She sat him down and helped him out of his wet tight shirt.  
“IcyHot?” She asked. Tommy gestured to his gym bag, not speaking. It had to hurt that bad that he didn’t want to talk. Lena fished around in the bag until she found a big tube of IcyHot. Tommy was just sitting on the edge of the bed, soaked, shivering, waiting for her.  
Lena didn’t say anything, just started working on the muscles all around his shoulder, then underneath, inside his armpit. He could barely lift it without hissing and biting his lip. She left again and got an icepack he already had in the mini-fridge. Tommy shook his head ‘no’, and so she looked inside his bag for a heatpack, she thought she had seen one in there earlier. Lena held it up when she found it, and he just nodded ‘yes’. She knew there was a microwave somewhere inside the room. Tommy just sat and waited for her.  
Finally she was back, and she carefully rubbed some IcyHot on his shoulder, making him wince, then layed the heatpack on. She kissed his head briefly as he used controlled breathing, trying to control the pain. She looked in the bathroom for any kind of drug, found a few pills in an unmarked bottle that looked like vicodin. She brought them out with a glass of water and Tommy took two of the five she had in her hand. His eyes were dark grey, she had never seen them so clouded. His pain must have been intense, he still had not said a word.   
“Baby…is there anything I can do for you?” Her voice was a whisper, and she was untying his gym shoes, pulling them off, wet socks next. Tommy looked down at her, her big brown eyes staring up at him. He felt tears of pain and appreciation well up, but he didn’t let them fall. He just shook his head no, and held his good arm out to her. She sat next to him and he wrapped her up as best he could and kissed her, thankful she was there. So many times that he was alone, when he took care of himself no matter what, never had anyone there to help him. Didn’t want anyone. It was strange and so very nice to have her there. The fact that she was the only one ever allowed to, besides his mother, only added to the sweet sadness of the moment.  
Finally the pills were kicking in. Tommy was relaxing a little, and Lena turned the heatpack over so it stayed warm on his shoulder. She sat beside him, touching him, her left leg against his right, and he leaned in to kiss her, his wide full lips sweet and loving on hers, split and all. She smiled against it, kissing him back and caressing his cheek, her knuckles rubbing against the stubble on his jawline.  
“Hey you,” she whispered. Tommy looked into her eyes and she saw a little blue, a little green, a little gold mixed in with the dark grey clouds. He was feeling a little better, but not much. “Can I get you something, food, drink?”  
Tommy looked at her for a moment, and finally smiled. It was a small smile, but his crooked boy smile nonetheless. She felt a ray of sunshine breaking through him. Finally he spoke, his long slippery East Coast accent and his gravelly voice soft, just loud enough for her.  
“Yes. I want you to call downstairs. Order the biggest steak they got. Medium rare. And I want two servings of steamed vegetables, whatever they got down there, I don’t fuckin’ care what it is. Get yourself some food. I’m gettin’ in the shower-“  
“Bath.” She interjected.  
“No. Shower. I can do this, tiger.” He smiled again. Even sweaty and nasty he was still beautiful. “Can you handle that?”  
Lena half-smiled at him. “I think so, boss.”  
Tommy nodded, and got up, holding his left arm close to his body. She waited to hear the shower run and then she called room service, tacking on a grilled chicken breast and salad for herself.  
When Tommy came out she was still on the edge of the bed, flipping through channels, looking for something to watch. He was wrapped just in towels, and Lena pretended not to notice when he crossed her line of vision, rubbing his hair dry with his good hand.  
“You need some help getting dressed?” Lena smiled wolfishly.  
“Oh I’m not getting’ dressed, doll.” Tommy threw his towels on the floor of the bathroom and came towards her, crawled up her body totally naked, pushed her down on the bed, mounted her and didn’t move, all without using his left arm. “I’m gonna stay like this all night. That OK with you? I mean…you gotta get the door an’ all…”  
Lena took a big deep breath. Soap, shampoo….Tommy. “I don’t know, won’t they need you to sign or something?”  
Tommy narrowed his eyes at her. “Oh yeah, you wouldn’t know wouldja? Still haven’t called down for anythin’ have ya?”  
Lena smiled again. “Nope. I went down and got my own food, stud.” She bucked her hips against him, but he had her pinned.  
“Listen. I can cover you while you’re here. I don’t wanna have you payin’ for nothin’ if I can help it. Got it?” He was half-smiling, but his voice was all business.  
“Yeah. I got it. So…” she wiggled her left hand. “This was very conveniently in my size.”  
It was Tommy’s turn with the wolfish grin. “Yep. How ‘bout that.”  
“What am I gonna do with you, Tommy?” She kissed his smiling lips, over and over. “Thank you. It’s beautiful and I love it. You freaked me the fuck out!”  
Tommy laughed and giggled, so pleased with himself. “I know, pretty slick huh?”  
Lena laughed too. “I love you.” She kissed his cheek, his lips, whatever she could get. “I love you Tommy Conlon, you’re the king of my heart.”  
He gasped a little as she nibbled and kissed his lips, not caring that he was still hurt. She gave him a little shock of pain to go with the pleasure of her palm grasping the firm width of his growing erection. He couldn’t remember how her hand had gotten out of his one-handed pin but he didn’t care now, she was stroking him just how he liked, slow, controlled, tight. He flipped himself onto his back, just a little high from the painkillers, and was still, a slave to her fist. Lena leaned over him so her back was to him, and used both hands to work him, then added her mouth. He held still, rising off the bed a little, his voice a strangled moan.   
Suddenly Lena was up and pulling her boyshorts off, deftly squatting on top of him and swallowing him whole inside her. They both cried out, and Lena rode him hard, her intense gaze burned holes through him for once. The bed rocked hard, and she wasn’t going to give up. She had him at a disadvantage and she was going to use it, she was going to give him what he usually gave her-a rough hard fuck. Tommy was sweating again already, his voice tight in his throat as he groaned loudly, fighting with himself not to grab her hips. He held his breath, squeezing his eyes shut and straining against her, towards her.  
“I’m coming,” he gasped, and erupted inside her suddenly. “Fuck!” Tommy yelled like he was pissed, his eyes wide and glaring at her. He grabbed her hip with his right hand to still her, panting, and then fell back. “Dammit…Lena…”  
She crawled in next to him, kissing his wet skin as she went, until her head was next to his. He stole a kiss from her, and half-smiled at her, his eyes drowsy.  
“I don’t wanna get you knocked up…not yet.”  
“Not yet?” Lena laughed. “Low dose birth control, don’t worry Tommy.”  
His eyes got wide. “Waitaminute, I been pullin’ out all this time, you never told me that?”  
“My family’s really fertile, I wasn’t gonna argue it. My mom got pregnant with my brother on birth control, so…”  
Tommy shook his head, smiling. “Anythin’ else you should tell me?”  
Lena laughed again. “Um, don’t think so-“  
Just then there was a knock at the door. Lena jumped up and found her clothes quickly, grabbing a few dollars out of her wallet. She opened the door to a young Hispanic man who had a cart with silver-domed plates on it, and a complimentary bottle of wine.  
“On the house, for you and Mr. Conlon,” said the man with a smile.. Lena wheeled the cart in and tipped him, closed the door and turned to see Tommy dragging himself up the bed with his good arm. This was going to be a long night.  
They sat in bed and shared food, Lena drinking wine and Tommy guzzling water. He ended up taking another pain pill and wanting some wine later, all the while the TV was on with some movie or show neither one of them paid attention to.   
“What are you gonna do with your shoulder fucked up as it is Tommy?”  
He waved her off. “What else, baby it for a day and then get back at it. I’ll be OK, Lena. Don’t worry.”  
“Yeah, OK, don’t worry.” Lena shook her head. “Does Colt know you’re hurt?”  
Tommy shot her a look. “No. If he did the fight with Rivera would be cancelled.”  
“Maybe you should think about it, Tommy-“  
“Hell no. I need the money, Lena. This is like the Sparta pre-games. I can’t fuck this up.”  
Lena sighed, shook her head. “So what, he’s just giving you the day off tomorrow, no questions asked?”  
“Just so happens he needs the day for conference calls and whatever. Works out great. No training.” Tommy smiled and winked at her. “I’m all yours tomorrow.”  
As happy as Lena was, she was also worried and upset. What was going to happen if Tommy couldn’t compete? All his plans were out the window, and she knew he wasn’t going to be able to handle that. At all. But looking into his smiling eyes she tried to brush all of it out of her mind. His happiness at having a break and spending time with her was evident.  
“I love it.” She kissed his battered lips, smiling back at him. He looked like a kid in a candy shop. How could she ruin it? “So what should we do?”  
Tommy looked thoughtful for a moment. “I think we should go on a date.” Totally straightfaced. Lena burst into giggles. “What?”  
“A date? What’s that?” Lena took his right hand and kissed his open palm, smiling fiendishly.  
“I’m fuckin’ serious Lena, like go see a movie or…somethin’ I dunno.” He looked at her incredulously. “I haven’t been on a date since…well, fuck I can’t think back that far.”  
“What about that scary chick at the bar, what’s her name, Danny?”  
Tommy looked irritated. “C’mon.”  
“OK, OK. A date. I think we should totally do it. Dinner and a movie. Maybe a walk in a park. We can go make out on a park bench.” Lena giggled again and now Tommy looked genuinely pissed.  
“If you think it’s so funny just fuckin’ forget it,” he grumbled, and Lena grabbed his sour face and kissed him. She didn’t mean to laugh at his sentimentality.  
“I’m teasing you Tommy,” she said, her voice husky, her lips lingering longer on his mouth, his cheek, his neck. “C’mon baby. I think it’s a great idea. I would love to go out with you.”  
He cocked his eyebrow and pursed his lips. “Yeah, you’re a fuckin’ smartass. That’s awright, I’m gonna rent a limo now and everything.”  
Lena shook her head, smiling, kissing him some more. “Shaddap.”  
“No, no, I’m gonna rent a tux and a limo. The prom I never had.” Even he started to laugh a little. “Fuckin’ corsage.”  
She kissed him again, her passion igniting his as she slipped her tongue past his lips. He growled low in his throat, grabbing her arm with his one good hand to hold her fast to him, pushing to meet her slow burning flare. So warm, so sweet and soft, and directly underneath was the raging lust they felt for each other-the slow hot kiss was a mask over the hunger they shared. Too close was not close enough. Tommy tugged at the sheet that barely covered her, he was on his knees before her in an instant to assail her with his wet unending kiss, down her throat, her collarbone, her breasts.  
“Tommy,” she breathed, watching him hug his left arm to his side to rest on his right in between her thighs, so he could push his face against her sex, nudging her until she was wide open to him. “Your shoulder…”  
“Shh…just let me…” He started soundlessly saying the alphabet against the wet folds of her pussy, her clit hardening and throbbing against his lips, and he sucked at it and pulled at it, making her whimper and shiver hot and cold in a tangle of sheets. Her thighs quivered, she felt as if she were nailed down to the bed, looking down at his Adonis frame between her legs and his deep green-blue eyes burning up at her, she couldn’t stand another minute of it and when his fingers pushed inside she saw stars, the orgasm bubbling up and drowning her in sweet honeyed waves of warm ecstasy.  
“Tommy!!” she cried in a high-pitched whimpering whisper, and he was there in an instant, entering her, filling her to the hilt, and she tightened and squeezed around him until he couldn’t breathe.  
“Ohmygod,” he gasped, his hips thrusting his cock harder into her without him being aware of it. She helped to hold him up in her arms as he twisted and dug around inside her, thrashing around trying to get comfortable to do it. She tried to buck him, make him roll onto his back, but he resisted, finally resting his left arm alongside her and holding her with his right, his hips doing all the work. She felt the life being squeezed out of her, but she could still moan and cry, thrusting back up against him to assist him. “Lena I love your pussy,” he groaned softly in her ear, making her shiver and arc towards another golden wave of blinding light, so intense it was loud and roaring in her ears, her own body spasming and locking up beneath him, around him. Tommy couldn’t bear it any longer, the heat was choking him and he was on the speeding train towards release, his heart bursting and his voice a choking cry in his throat. “Aw fuck!” He helplessly came and came, pouring the tension and burning heat into her.  
She held him as he came to rest on his side against her, panting and hissing. She kissed his head, wet dark hair against her lips.  
“Oh Tommy,” she whispered, pushing him onto his back beside her so she could survey the damage. “God you poor thing…”  
“Don’t,” he gasped as she reached to touch his shoulder. “Just…don’t. It’s OK it’s OK…” His right hand petted her weakly. “I promise…” Lena just sat beside him, wiping the sweat away from his brow, and Tommy yanked her down to rest her head on his chest. “Jus’…c’mere.”


	33. Comfort Me

They lay like that for a long time, until Tommy caught his breath and then soundlessly got up to get to the bathroom. Lena shut the TV off, unsure what to do to help him and irritated by the incessant racket. She found the rest of the wine and drank it down, turned to find him standing there, staring at her openly. She stood stock still with the wine bottle in her hand, and Tommy just looked on, seemingly impassive.  
“Are you OK,” she tried to ask, but it was just a whisper. He was clutching his arm, naked and defenseless. He shook his head no, and as she slowly approached him she could see his crestfallen expression showing through.  
“How am I gonna do this,” Tommy whispered. “Fuckin’ killin’ me.”  
Lena reached for him, and he stumbled forward into her arms. He was blazed on wine and vicodin, both depressants at that.  
“You’re gonna rest it, no more funny stuff. Tomorrow all day-“  
“I can’t just fuckin’ sit here. I don’t do that.” Tommy took the wine bottle away and tugged her towards the bed. “You don’t seem to understand that…I can’t be one of those people who stay in bed all day, readin’ a book or whatever.”  
Lena sat with him on the edge of the bed. She could see his left shoulder was swelling a little.  
“You want ice or heat?”  
Tommy looked over at her, his expression wary, his eyes grey and dim. “You just gonna nurse me the whole time you’re here?”  
“Yes, if that’s what you need Tommy, I’m here. Maybe I was meant to come here, good timing. You still haven’t answered me.”  
Tommy shook his head, looking away. “I wish I could keep you to myself. You really gotta go back?” He smiled weakly at her, and as Lena started to speak he shushed her. “Don’t answer that. Ice please.”  
Lena realized then that she left the icepack out. It was cold on the counter but not cold enough. She threw a pair of jeans and a shirt on and went out to the hallway to the ice machine. No one in sight. When she came back in she wheeled the dinner cart out into the hallway, grabbed a towel, threw the ice in it and sat next to Tommy, holding it out to him. He gestured for her to do it, but she really didn’t want to attempt it.  
“Just put it on,” he huffed, noticing her reticence. He looked away, biting his lip in anticipation of the pain, and she slowly placed it on the swollen shoulder. “Ow fuck!” he spat.  
“Tommy…you need to see a doctor. Please. Tell. Colt. For me.”  
He shook his head no, and she didn’t know if it was for her statement or the pain. His eyes were squinted shut.  
“I’ll tell Colt myself if-“  
“Don’t you dare,” he growled at her, his eyes opening to show red rims around dark grey-green irises. “Don’t you fuckin’ dare do that Lena. I’ll tell him myself. I’ll kick you outta here you do that.”  
“You really gonna tell him?” She narrowed her eyes at him, and he did it back.  
“Don’t fuck with it Lena.” A tear slipped down his cheek. “It hurts really bad. I know there’s somethin’ wrong with it. But I can’t lose this whole deal, we just set it all up.”  
“Well you won’t have to worry about it, if you go through with the fight I guarantee you you’ll be out of commission for good.”  
Tommy pulled back from her, the ice-towel slipping out of her grasp. “You ain’t tellin’ me anythin’ I don’t know…just stay out of it.” He held the towel himself , and Lena kind of got pissed, but said nothing. She knew how his mood could slip, especially in that much pain and his mind clouded by substances. She thought of a pissed off wounded animal. Her mother always told her to avoid it like the plague if she ever came across one.  
She went into the bathroom, brushed her teeth, combed her hair, took off her clothes and slipped on another tank top and boyshorts, pink this time. When she came back out Tommy had shut off the lights, left only one little lamp on by the bed so she could see him laying there, the ice-towel on him still. She slowly approached him, switched off the lamp, and carefully crawled into bed with him, sidling up to his right side but keeping her distance. After a while Tommy sighed in irritation and searched for her in the dark.  
“Look…I’m sorry.” Tommy kissed her sweetly. “I’m a dick. I’m gonna talk to Colt tomorrow, maybe get some physical therapy before the fight.”  
Lena caressed his face, his thick corded neck, his right shoulder and arm, ran her hands across the wide expanse of his chest. “Good. Thank you.” She kissed him this time, hovering over him as he had to lay on his back. She swore she tasted whisky. “Tommy…where’s your stash?”  
“I ain’t tellin’.” His toothy grin was evident in his voice.  
“Oh come on! I can’t believe you’ve been holdin’ out on me!”  
Tommy laughed. “I opened the mini-bar, chickie.” Lena growled at him loudly, giggling at the same time. “I’m gonna blame it on you when Colt gets the bill.”   
“You are unreal!” She wanted to beat him with a pillow, but she was grinning. She hopped off the bed and made her way to the mini-bar. Inside she found little airplane bottles with all different types of alcohol, wine and beer. Tommy watched her from the bed, the light of the fridge illuminating her frame. He made some kind of obvious throat-clearing sound from behind her.  
“Yes, Mr. Conlon, can I help you?” Her voice was sweet and sarcastic, a shitty grin on her face he couldn’t see.   
“Um, I would really like another drink. Ms. Rossi.” His slippery growling voice gave her a chill, the way he said her name…  
“Well, you know…” she swung the door closed on the little black fridge. “If I’m going to get the blame, don’t you think it’s only fair I get to drink it all?”  
Tommy shifted in bed when she crawled back into bed with him, and she pressed an ice cold bottle against his thigh, making him jump just a little. He grabbed her hand, taking the bottle away.   
“Thanks. What is it?”  
“Could be rum. Or vodka. Or tequila. I don’t know.”  
“You don’t want me to drink the tequila.” He tried to hold the bottle up to the moonlight to see what it was.  
“Ooh, what happens?” She split the cap on her bottle and started drinking it down, wishing she had grabbed a drink to wash it down. The rum was sweet but not sweet enough.  
“I’m not very happy when I have too much of it.” She could see him peering at the bottle, his face half-illuminated and beautiful in the pearly moonlight.  
“Relax Tommy, it’s Jameson.” She kissed his full lips, smacking him with a taste of rum. Tommy pulled her back when she tried to sit back up straight, and kissed her again, pushing her mouth open, giving her no choice as his bottom lip cleared her teeth, ripe and so delicious to suck on, irresistible to her. Her nose rubbed against his as she sucked him up, and his chest rose against her palm as she stroked his torso up and down, her nails dragging against the sparse hair everywhere, scratching his skin lightly. His breath blew hot on her out his nostrils, he huffed and growled a little, taking her hand down to his very stiff cock that she readily grasped, squeezed the base of it tightly, even though she couldn’t get her hand all the way around it.   
“Mmm,” Tommy’s voice was a deep inviting rumble, and he rocked upwards into her fist, his mouth insistent and hungry against hers. Lena kept up the slow steady rhythm, sliding her mouth down his stubbly throat and over his collarbone, his right nipple, and then she met up with the straight line of hair to his hips. She had to take a deep breath, the heat coming off his skin was intense. “Get on top,” he murmured, but instead she took him in her mouth and sucked on him as if he were a succulent strawberry. His reaction was magnified, his toes curled and his body stiffened, he sucked in a deep breath and Lena kept at him, resting her body against his leg, the top of his foot nestled in between her thighs-Tommy pivoted his foot and rubbed up against her, slipping against the wetness coming through the fabric of her boyshorts. “Aw fuuuck Lena come here, now now…”  
Lena slowed but didn’t stop, she couldn’t tell him how much she loved to have him this way because her mouth was full, so she pressed her palm against his chest when he tried to sit up in impatience to pull her up. Tommy fell back, his shoulder reminding him he shouldn’t have moved so suddenly.  
“Goddammit…” he hissed and gasped and hissed again, half-pleasure half-pain. “Please…” he whispered, and his right hand was grasping weakly for her. Lena didn’t want him to lose it yet, she was wanting him in the worst way now as the rum raced hotly through her bloodstream. She rose up, yanked her bottoms off and was on top of him in reverse, and in the moonlight Tommy watched her ass slide down his cock-he pulled at her with his good hand, held her hip steady in his palm so he could thrust upwards into her, making her cry out loud. When she opened her eyes again she was looking down his muscular legs drawn tightly beneath her, imagining what he was seeing made her dig her nails in to the bed.  
“Oh holy fuck what are you doin’ to me Lena…” She felt him fall back and just let her go, and she rotated and pumped on him, squeezed him so tight he hissed and cursed under his breath. Slowly, carefully, she spun on him, until she was facing him. She looked down and could see him bathed in sweat and breathless, and she slumped down low enough to kiss his lips, his jaw, his chin, holding herself up on her palms; her breasts slid against his chest and he grabbed one lightly, thrusting upwards to meet her, trying to overpower her and take control.  
Lena threw herself back out of his grip and rode him hard, shivering and starting to feel it slowly running up her spine and inside her belly, flowering outwards to her nipples that peaked and burned and froze at the same time-then came the hot aqueous pulsing that blasted like a volcano inside her-she felt like a cloth doll and she was tearing apart at the seams. Tommy’s voice matched hers in volume as he sailed clean over the edge with her-for the first time ever he was almost as loud as she was. She was crying his name and he was yelling FUCK…when it was over and she was just sitting on his hips, she started giggling.  
“Wha-?” Tommy was done, he was almost asleep already. “So funny?”  
“Just hope the walls are soundproof.” Lena hiked off him to get to the bathroom.  
“Nope,” was all he said, and when she came back out with a warm towel for him he was out, snoring into the pillow.


	34. A New Game

Lena took the wet cold towel off him-all the ice had melted and was soaking into the sheet, so she tried to get the warm towel around his hurt shoulder somehow without disturbing him. She found the full mini-bottle of Jameson that was somewhere on the bed, and crawled in next to him, exhausted and ready to curl up next to his powerful Herculean body and rest in the shade of it. Sleep was easy to find there.  
THE NEXT MORNING Lena awoke with a start, some dream had shaken her awake. Groggily she looked around-Tommy was nowhere to be seen. She couldn’t explain the panic she felt, maybe it was something she had carried over from the dream that she couldn’t seem to remember at that moment. She scrambled out of bed, glancing over at the clock on the wall-7:45. The room was dim and cool, and she probably would have kept sleeping forever. The room was tidy, dirty clothes gone, empty bottles in the trash. Where was Tommy? No note, no text on her phone-she started panicking and she had to tell herself to calm the hell down. She decided to get in the shower and get dressed-funny how the mind has to drill the body and tell it what to do sometimes, especially when it acts on its own impulses.  
Lena opened the bathroom door in a spaghetti strap maroon tank and a pair of low cut blue jeans-the heat from her running blow-dryer was too intense. She caught sight of Colt, who immediately frowned at her, so she ducked back into the bathroom and shut the door anyway.  
“Fuck my life,” she whispered, somehow sure that she was going to catch hell that Tommy had a few drinks.  
Sure enough there was a knock at the door. She switched off her blow-dryer and had her hand on the doorknob when it twisted in her palm and Colt was busting in.  
“Hey!” Lena tripped and almost fell against the sink.  
“OK. Short and simple. Tommy doesn’t drink. At all. Got it?” Colt was not so much pissed as he was matter-of-fact. He looked at her, gave her his hand to straighten her out. “No offense Lena but I don’t need you getting him off track.”  
“OK, Uncle Colt. I’m sorry-“  
He waved his hand. “It’s not your fault. I know Tommy. But you gotta help me out while you’re here, he listens to you-“  
Lena snickered. “God I wish that were true.”  
“No, would you listen to me, he does.” Colt nodded. “He does, Lena, that’s why I didn’t stop you from comin’. So don’t let me down on this one.”  
“OK.” Lena nodded back, and Colt started clearing out, muttering a thank you. “Wait! Uncle Colt…”  
He stuck his head back in. “Yeah, what?”  
“Is Tommy going to be OK, I mean his shoulder-“  
“He has bad arthritis where they performed the surgery. It’s fucked up but if he rests it he’ll be OK. I’m in talks right now with the officials and his doctor. So I gotta go. He’s downstairs waiting for you.”  
“Thanks.” She watched him leave in a hurry-by the time the door slammed shut he was probably already in the elevator. Lena quickly got her shit together, tried to fix her swollen morning face and slipped on her sandals to get downstairs to Tommy.  
He was outside by the pool, sitting by the deep end in a pair of shorts and his left arm in a sling, with only his feet in the water. He was swinging his legs slowly, treading water with his toes. When he looked up and saw her he smiled wide, but his eyes were tired.  
“Hey,” he said softly.  
“Good morning,” she said, and sat next to him on his right side, slipping her sandals off and rolling her jeans up to dip her feet too.  
“So…did you get an earful too?”  
She sighed, turned her head to look at him. “Yeeaah. A little bit. And I feel really bad too. Is it so wrong to have you to myself?” She laughed. “I have to share you with your career and I can do it…just wanted to have a little fun is all.”  
“Hey,” he said, his voice rough around the edges from the hurt he was in. “You didn’t do anything wrong. I knew I wasn’t supposed to drink. I called him at 5 this mornin’, hurt so bad when I woke up. He got me in to the doc and got some x-rays. Nuthin’ broken or torn. Just fucked up.”  
“I know, I asked Colt.” She took another good long look at him. “Goddammit Tommy you are…” She reached up to trace her fingers along his face, forehead, eyebrows, cheekbones, jawline. His eyes reflected the pool and the incoming rays of sunlight, and he seemed to glow from the inside. “Ridiculous.”  
His eyebrows raised and his expression was one of pretend shock. “Well that’s nice.”  
“I mean…really.” She leaned in to kiss him, nibble his lip and caress his neck. “You’re gloriously and perfectly beautiful…”  
“I think that was my line,” he said, his voice throaty and purring. “You don’t call guys beautiful.”  
“When the guy looks like a fucking angel you do.” She reached up and tugged the hair at the nape of his neck, kissing him again.  
“You better fuckin’ quit,” he said with a laugh. “I’m hurtin' too bad to take you down and you know it.”  
“Mmmhmm,” she hummed, her lips on his collarbone. No one was around this time of the morning, so she continued to lay siege to his flesh, biting and gnawing softly on his throat, his neck, til she was at his mouth again, greedily kissing and sucking at his generous lips.  
Tommy was pushing her away.  
“No.”  
“What?”  
“No. We have a date to plan, remember?” He winked at her surprised and hurt expression. “I’m going to make you wait all day.”  
“Me? You’re going to make me wait?” Lena really was shocked.  
“Oh yeah. Cuz then I’m gonna fuck you six ways from Sunday. Tonight.”  
Lena really sat mute for a moment and wondered if she could wait that long.  
“Are you awright?” Tommy was grinning now, a rare and wondrous sight.  
“Yeah. Sure. Of course!” She laughed out loud. “You are always up to something. You catch me off guard. A lot.”  
“Well…good.” The simple finality with which he said that made her laugh again. “I like the element of surprise, no matter how small the victory.” Tommy the Marine was talking. “Yeah you’re in the suck til tonight.”  
“Oh yeah? Well maybe we shouldn’t anyway with your banged up shoulder, probably making it worse.”  
She smiled evilly and Tommy fastened her with the dirtiest glare, the one he used on her the very first few times they encountered each other. She shivered but didn’t back down.  
“You wanna get tough with me huh?” He scowled at her and she must’ve looked somewhat terrified because he suddenly burst into his silly husky giggling laugh.  
“Ahhh fuck you Tommy,” she said, going after his lips anyway. “One more, right now please.”  
Tommy kissed her with a slow burn, steaming her alive, his lips soft, moist and sucking hers softly, pushing her open to slip his tongue in. He tasted like sin. The core of her body melted and she leaned into him, andhe responded by abruptly breaking away.  
“No no no,” he admonished, but she could see the red blush on his chest, with his ruby nipples and his neck and ears flushing, his eyes dilating and his face glistening with sweat. “Tonight.” His rusty voice tickled her as he spoke into her ear. “I’m gonna eat you alive…there will be nothing left. That is a promise.”  
Lena knew it was true. She shuddered against him and he laughed softly in self-satisfaction.  
“Yeah,” was all he said, nodding at her.  
“OK, so…where are we going for our big first date Tommy?” She tried to change the subject, she was going to do her best to play his little game.  
“Oh, it’s a big surprise. I’ll let you know. Soon.” Tommy looked up into the rays of sunshine that were stretching over the pool and onto them. Not going to give anything else away.  
Dammit, he was just going to play cat and mouse the whole day, Lena thought. Suddenly she wasn’t so sure she could keep it together. Patience was something she lacked in a big way when it came to things she really wanted.


	35. Walking Wounded

Lena regarded him for a moment, and Tommy broke into one of his little boy smiles, looking down at the waves he was making with his feet in the pool.  
“Well I thought you said we were supposed to plan it-“  
“I know. I just wanted to see what you would say, make sure I got this whole thing right.” Tommy looked at her finally-was there a hint of anxiety in his eyes?   
“I’m sure it’s perfect, whatever it is.” She looked around the pool. A few swimmers had shown up. “Hey have you had breakfast yet?”  
Tommy shook his head no. “Not hungry, too much pain.”  
Lena ruffled his hair and kissed his cheek. “I’m sorry babe, I’m sure all our activity didn’t help.” She stood up suddenly, shaking the water from her feet. “But you do need to eat. Did they prescribe you some drugs?”  
“Yeah.” Tommy squinted, looking up at her, not looking like he was ready to get up yet.  
“Well I can go get you something…I’m a little hungry. I’ll be back.” Lena headed off, thinking about how she was going to leave him in a few days when it was the last thing she wanted to do. She ordered two healthy breakfasts of egg whites, steak and fresh fruit. Everything smelled so good and she thought she was going to die of hunger before she made it back to the table, two hot plates in one hand and a coffee carafe with two mugs in the other. She found Tommy sitting at a table by the pool, sipping a frosty glass of water with another waiting for her.  
“You know you could have had them bring it out to us,” he said softly, watching her set everything down like the professional she was.  
“I know but this is more my style. Anyway they’re bringing out some fresh squeezed orange juice here in a minute…where’d you get the water?”   
Tommy just pointed to the staff member circling the tables, where there were a few couples ordering their breakfasts. Lena laughed.  
“Hey what can I say, I’m not used to this at all.”  
“Neither am I.” Tommy started tearing up his food, and tried to cut his steak holding the fork with his left hand and sawing with his right. When Lena made a move to help him he pulled back. “I got this,” he said defensively. Lena sat back.  
“Sorry wasn’t thinking about that part-“  
“No don’t be sorry.” He triumphantly wiggled his fork with a piece of steak on it. “I told you I got this.”  
LATER. They had eaten and were headed upstairs, and Lena was beginning to feel like a diabetic being told she couldn’t have cake anymore, and Tommy was a bowl of yummy, creamy, sugary frosting she wanted to lick clean. She watched him hungrily as he swallowed a bunch of pills from at least three bottles and drifted into the shower soundlessly. Lena sat on the bed, wondering what he had planned for their day together.  
“Hey can you hand me a towel please?” he called from the bathroom, and Lena exhaled slowly, got a towel and handed it through the open door with her head turned away from him, not wanting to see his glistening skin and rippling muscles. “Whatsamatter?”  
She turned her head to look into his dazzling aqua eyes, his shit-eating grin.  
“Really?” She giggled and shook her head and started walking away, when his wet hand grabbed her forearm and pulled her back. His wet lips replete with the healing split sucked and swallowed hers up, and she reached out to touch his wet torso, groaning into his kiss. “Oh Tommy don’t do this to me…”she said against his mouth, her nails scratching his belly and down, tracing the ‘til I die sw’ tat on his lower abdomen. She didn’t have to look, she knew he was hard and pointing at her.  
“I’m doin’ it to myself too,” he whispered, nuzzling her face and leaving her wet and on fire, and then shut the door in her face.  
“Got damn it,” she said aloud and heard his evil giggle from inside. “Not fair.”  
When he came out to get dressed Lena was on the patio, reading the UFC magazine that got delivered while they were both out-they had a layout on Sparta 7, pictures of Tommy from Sparta 1 and a mini-interview, where he discussed his time in the brig and the treatment he received there:

“ I had to go to a military hospital in Pittsburgh, then I had to face the MCJA [Marine Corps Judge Advocate-ed.] and battle it out, went back to Iraq for a year, hurt my shoulder again, and back to the VA hospital in Pittsburgh and then to Camp Lejeune to finish my sentence. I was given special treatment, and made an example out of. Lots of people thought I shouldn’t have been jailed but I didn’t care, I wanted to help my brother Manny’s family out and after that I couldn’t have cared less what happened to me.”  
Interviewer: “And now?”  
“And now I have purpose. My career, my family, my girlfriend.”  
Interviewer: Why did you agree to this interview? You haven’t granted any others, and you sure didn’t before or after Sparta 1.  
“Well, you have to play the game, right? And I would rather do it here than in a newspaper or anywhere else.”  
Interviewer: So what happened back in Iraq? Can you talk about it?  
“No. I can’t, and I won’t. Not open for discussion.”

Lena had tears in her eyes. Would she ever learn anything from Tommy himself? She was shocked by his admission in the magazine about her, she knew all this was really happening but it felt so strange. Tommy was hers, something she never imagined, much less conceived.  
She felt a thick hand on her shoulder and she looked up from the magazine to see him standing over her, looking down at the magazine. His eyes met hers and she could see the flat gray walls there.  
“I didn’t want to give that interview,” he muttered. “Had to. Hate talkin’ about any of that.”  
“I know, Tommy.” She kissed his hand. “Maybe one day you can tell me about it, when you’re ready.”  
Tommy nodded imperceptibly, turned on his heel and just like that was gone, out of the sunshine and back into the cool dark hotel room. Lena set the magazine down and stretched out in the warm light, trying to snuff out her cares and worries, trying to let go. She was about to uncontrollably drift off when she heard Tommy’s voice calling from inside.  
“Lena. Lena!” She snapped awake and stood up quickly. “Come here.” She stepped inside, squinting. She couldn’t see at all coming in from the bright light. “Shut the door.”  
She did as she was told and slowly her eyes came into focus. Tommy was laying in bed, wrapped up in the sheet and blanket with his left arm propped up on a pillow beside him.  
He extended his right hand out to her. “Come here.”  
Lena stood still for a moment, wanting to tease him but there was something in his eyes she didn’t like. He impatiently waved her in, and so she crawled in with him, only to be pulled down to his chest and hugged tightly.  
“I can’t. Not now. Maybe one day.” He kissed the top of her head, took a deep breath in. “I’m sorry.”  
Lena pulled back, she was uncomfortable anyway and she just wanted to look in his eyes. She could see the blur he was in, she could tell he was having trouble focusing.  
“Don’t be sorry Tommy.” She touched his face, rested her fingertips on his lips. Tommy kissed them softly. “You know I’m not here to make things harder on you. I trust you, I know you will talk when and if you’re ready. There’s no pressure here. I love you no matter what you do.”  
Tommy’s eyes blurred. “I don’t wanna talk about it, you know that’s all they made me do and I fuckin’ hated it. Felt like a failure and a coward. Just pissed off all the time. Still am. They can’t fix me.” He stared hard at her, and she could see the glisten of unshed tears. “I don’t want ‘em to. I do what I have to. I’m too fucked up for them to fix, cuz it ain’t just Manny…” He trailed off and looked away, his face was reddening and she could see sweat beading on his brow. “I ain’t no pathetic mental case. I got up, always, no matter how many times I fell, Pop was a fuckin’ crazy drunk bastard, beat us all down, but I kept goin’. Then Ma was so sick an’ I just kept workin’ wherever I could to try to keep her goin’ to the doc. I never let the shit pull me all the way down, I always got back up to fight again.” When Tommy looked at her again she could see the wet trails on his cheeks and the hate in his eyes. “Fuck if I’m gonna spill my guts in some fuckin’ magazine or paper for everyone to read. Let my fights speak for themselves, that’s all anyone should give a damn about.”  
Lena looked back into the cold hard stare. She knew it wasn’t meant for her.   
“And you…” Tommy grabbed her arm hard, making her wince, and he pulled her down to kiss her. “I don’t know where the fuck you came from or how this happened but I’m not gonna let you get away. I’ve lost all kinds of shit, all my life. I want to know what it feels like to win. And I’m gonna.”  
Lena was burned by his kiss, heated with the hate and anger he still had in his heart and soul, that transfigured into passion and desire, and what she hoped was love, or Tommy’s version of it. He was tugging at her clothes, mumbling against the kiss, “take it off, take it off” and Lena stripped her clothes off quickly, got under the sheet and blanket and found him warm and firm everywhere. She didn’t want him to move from his spot, so she half-climbed on him, down just enough so he could feel her little hotspot against his cock.  
“No no,” he moaned softly, “I just want you to lay here with me. I’m not givin’ in.”  
“C’mon Tommy,” she whispered huskily, nibbling his earlobe, her hands caressing him everywhere.  
“Mmm mmm, no.” He held her to him, slowing his kiss. “I’m tired…pills are working.” She looked at him and could see he was having trouble keeping his eyes open. “Just…stay with me.”  
“Of course I will.” Lena caressed his face, kissed him softly. She slid into position beside him, her face against his hard chest and the hair there prickling her nose. Tommy sighed, turning his head so his face was in her hair, and was out. Lena listened to his slow heavy heartbeat, and after a while she was drifting too, daydreaming about running away with Tommy and staying in a little hut on a beach somewhere.


	36. A chuisle, a chroí

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My pulse, my heart _ Gaelic

LENA was awakened by a sharp knock on the door. Another disturbing dream that left her feeling sideways carried her to the door in an instant, and thankfully she had unconsciously remembered to at least drag most of the bedsheet to wrap around her. She opened the door without looking through the little peephole and was overwhelmed by the riot of flowers in her face. The same Hispanic man that had brought them up some dinner the night before had a large vase full of flowers, white orchids, hot pink roses, violet carnations, and more. Lena was shocked and bewildered and not very awake.  
“Umm…do you have the right room?” was all she could muster.  
The man smiled beatifically at her from behind the jungle of flora. “Yes, you’re Ms. Rossi, and these are for you.”  
Lena looked without. “Umm,” she cleared her throat. “I don’t have a tip-“  
“Don’t worry about it. You overdid it last time and anyway,” he laughed a little, passing her the vase, “the look on your face is tip enough. Have a good day.” And he bustled off, leaving Lena standing there at the doorway totally confused and her sheet slipping.  
“Hey close the door, I can almost see your ass,” she heard behind her. Tommy was awake and ready with something to say. Lena closed the door with her foot and came into the room, the flowers obscuring her vision. She almost tripped over the sheet and it came down with a billow, right as she was crossing in front of the bed.  
“Wait.” Tommy’s vocal authority stopped her clean in her tracks. “Don’t move.”  
“Oh my fucking God you better not be taking a picture or something-“  
“Don’t have to. Committed to memory.”  
Lena peeked around the flowers to see him sitting up in bed, his hair a mess and a sloppy grin on his face. “Really, I need to set this down now if you don’t mind.”  
Tommy waved her off, winking at her. She set the vase down on the little dining table by the sliding glass door, and stole a glance at the clock. It was almost four o’clock.  
“Tommy we have been sleeping a long time…” she picked up the sheet and shook it hard, sending it up over their heads as she closed in on him. He was still smiling sleepily at her, and she crawled up his wide frame and kissed bare skin, upwards til she reached his lips, full and warm against hers. The sheet fell around them and ensconced them in a white shroud of growing heat.  
“I know…I don’t think I’ve ever slept this long.” Tommy bit at her jaw, then kissed, bit at her neck, then kissed. She gasped softly and her nipples hardened against his skin and he had a similar reaction, just lower.  
“Thank you,” she whispered, and he chuckled, his fingers in her hair as she rubbed her face against his ear, neck and shoulder, almost purring like a happy kitten.  
“How do you know they’re from me, ya didn’t even look at the card.”  
Lena pulled back to look into his smiling eyes. “Gimme a break, I don’t have to look. I know.”  
“Yeah but ya still didn’t look at the card.” Tommy’s look was one of feigned innocence and she knew she had better get up and go look at the damn card.  
“OK, you win.” She wrapped the sheet around herself once more and went over to the table where the beautiful arrangement was sitting. She searched for and found the card, pulled it out of the envelope and read it.  
‘No more loneliness. You’re my miracle. Didn’t know I had been waiting for you all this time.’  
Lena turned to look at Tommy, saw his blank expression, the smile gone. She went back to him, soundless, her eyes burning, and mounted him to kiss him, pushing his mouth open with hers and electrifying him with her sudden hungry demand for him. She could feel him straining against her, his cock hot and stiff against her-he was growling softly in his throat, feeling all over her with his right hand. How was he going to say no this time? Lena didn’t want to find out. Tears slipping down her cheeks and her sex on fire, she impatiently yanked the sheet back from him beneath her and slid home, all the way down on him, making him pull away from her kiss and cry out in his deep voice right in her face. Her hips rocked against his, she drove down on him over and over, riding high so her breasts pressed against his face-he had nowhere to go, his back against the headboard and his shoulder hurt, even if he tried to stop her he was helpless. Lena grabbed the top of the headboard and bounced on him, and she could hear his gasping and deep gurgling throaty sounds he only made when it felt so good and he lost control. She was coming, sighing and trying to catch her breath but it was all too late-Tommy was a wet hot wide blur inside her and she was contracting all over, joyful rainbow diamond explosions in her eyes and her body uncontrollably working on him like a dog in heat.  
“Aw here it comes,” he gasped and he braced himself, one hand on the headboard as he shook hard against her, his heat and muscle spasms shockwaving through her as she slowly was coming down from her cloud. She tensed all around him, pulling his orgasm deep into her body. Tommy’s voice was deep and loud as he spat a curse, and grabbed her with his good arm to stop her from moving. “Oh shit,” he hissed. “You raped me.” He was panting against her shoulder. Lena just giggled.  
“Oh yeah? That’s your summary of it?” She couldn’t catch her breath either, resting partly against him and partly against the headboard.  
“Mmmhmm.” He took a mouthful of her breast, sucked hard at the nipple, making her gasp and grab the back of his head. She slowly pulled herself off him and tried to stand-wobbled but didn’t fall. She grabbed his ankles and pulled down hard as she could, making him yelp in surprise. Luckily the sheet beneath him assisted her, and Tommy was once again in a supine position, looking a little shocked and exhausted. “What the fuck Lena?” But he started to smile.  
“It’s time for more rest for you. And me for the moment.” She got in next to him and layed sideways, pressed her body against him to half-cover him with it. “Tommy…thank you so much for the flowers. They’re beautiful.” Her voice was soft in his ear, her hand stroking his chest. “You really need to stop spending money on me-“  
“Lena.” Tommy turned his head to look in her eyes. “I will do whatever the fuck I want. You got that? I want to give you the world. So you better just get used to it now, or…” He trailed off, unsure what he could threaten her with, or if he even wanted to.  
“Or what?” Lena grinned now. “I love everything you’re doing. Thank you. But I just want you.” She peered back into Tommy’s deep eyes, steely grey and dark Atlantic ocean blue. “Just so we’re clear on that.”  
“Hmm,” was all he said. He took her hand in his and kissed her palm, rested it on his chest and closed his eyes. “Well too bad,” he muttered, just before he drifted off again. Lena smiled against his shoulder, kissed it, and fell asleep there, wrapped up in a sheet and tangled with Tommy.


	37. A Kind Of Date

“I’m starrrrrving.”  
Lena woke up to the sound of Tommy’s deep crackling voice in her ear. She opened her eyes and saw him sitting up, rubbing his eyes. The clock read 4:20.  
“Hey,” she said, reaching out for him, and he pulled her to him to hug her close.  
“You need to get up and get ready. We have reservations at 6:30.” Tommy yawned a big bear yawn. Lena looked askance. “Forget it, I got nothin’ for ya. It’s my little secret.” He smiled sleepily, kissed her forehead.  
“OK Mr. Mysterious, what can I do for you? Ice? Heat? Pills?” She stretched herself against him, no sheet between them meant full contact and Tommy was holding his breath.  
“Hmm,” he purred. “I could use more of you. But there’s no time. You can shower first, I’ll take care of myself.”  
Lena sucked his earlobe, chewed on his neck. “Oh Tommy, how do you mean…take care of yourself?”  
Tommy growled, half smiling. “Damn girl, you need to stop. Maybe I’ll show ya later…if you’re good.”  
“If I’m good? But how will I know?” Lena blew in his ear, and he shivered. Her hands were sliding all over his skin, and he was getting stiff, tenting the sheet. “Ohh look what we did…” She slid her grasping hand down to his thighs.  
“No, no!” he giggled, grabbing her hands. “You getcha ass in the shower, I’m fuckin’ dyin’ from hunger. I’ll deal with you later.”  
Lena bit his bottom lip gently, pulled it and sucked it up with hers. “I can’t wait.” She got out of bed, very aware of his eyes on her as she slowly made her way to the bathroom. She shook out her long dark hair, feeling it slide against her back, and stole a look back to the bed as she opened the bathroom door. Tommy was still sitting up in bed, watching her hungrily, his erection holding the sheet up.  
“You’re so fucked Lena,” he said softly.  
“I love you too baby.” She winked and ducked into the bathroom. Hot water, lovely suds, everything smelled like cashmere, vanilla and sandalwood. She felt relaxed and sexy when she shut the water off, and turned to find Tommy standing in the doorway, his boxers tight around his muscular thighs. He was cradling his arm and watching her intently. The color was high in his cheeks, and his chest was flushing too.  
“Tommy…” She was wrapping herself up with the towel and came towards him. He just stared at her, and then when she got close enough he reached for her, scooping her up with his good arm.  
“I can’t wait to get you back home and we ain’t even left yet.” Tommy kissed her, rubbed his half-naked body against her. Lena sighed, letting the towel slip so she could feel his chest against hers. She felt the hard thick lump he was becoming against her hip and belly, and she gasped softly, her nails starting to dig into him a little.  
“Tommy, please,” she whispered, letting the towel fall. He caressed her face, down her neck, and cupped her breast, squeezed softly. She lifted her leg just enough so he would rub against her bare sex, the fabric of his boxers getting wet where she knew the head of his cock was, as she rubbed and circled around and against it.  
“No,” he said softly, “we’re gonna be late.” He kissed her head, still holding her to him, and she started backing away.  
“Well then, you better get your ass in the shower or else get raped again.” Lena smirked at him, his beautiful face, ruddy glistening skin, dark hair and mood ring eyes.  
“My little criminal,” he growled. He didn’t smile, just glowered at her.  
“Love you Tommy.” She shut the door on him, leaving him to shower. She searched for something decent to wear-a basic red shirt and black slacks, nothing amazing but casual and dressy at the same time. She was trying to do something with her wet chestnut mop of hair when Tommy came out of the bathroom, wrapped in a towel and smelling like heaven as he passed her.  
“Ugh, Tommy, I don’t know if I could ever get used to having you around.” Lena was grabbing her towel and heading back into the bathroom.  
“What?!” He was coming after her. “What’s that supposed to mean?”  
“I mean…”she turned to look at him, smiling. “You. Being around you the past few days…I almost can’t get used to it.”  
Tommy fixed her with a puzzled, irritated look.  
“I have to leave in a few days, Tommy. I’m just gonna miss you so much more now.” Tears welled in her eyes inexplicably.  
“Look I don’t wanna talk about that. I don’t wanna think about you leaving Lena, I start feeling sick. So please, just…let’s pretend for now that it’s not gonna happen.”  
Lena touched his pink marshmallow lips. “I’m sorry.”  
“Mmm, no ‘sorry’s. Let’s just go out and have a good time.” Tommy kissed her briefly, pressed his forehead against hers, looked into her eyes. “Did you hear me? You fuckin’ criminal?”  
Lena laughed her tears out, kissed him back. “Yeah hurry up, you’re starving, remember?”  
“Umm no I haven’t forgotten, trust me.” He winked at her and headed to the closet, found a pair of dark gray slacks and a crisp white button up shirt. Lena watched him dress and comb his hair from the bathroom, all the while gawking at him like a starstruck fangirl.  
A half hour later they made their way downstairs. Lena had the keys to her rental in her hand, and Tommy followed her to the Jeep. She was relieved he hadn’t actually rented a limo-she would have died of embarrassment. But with Tommy it was hard to know what he was really going to do.  
He punched in an address on her GPS and gestured her to follow it. She drove according to the directions and they pulled up to a swanky looking restaurant in downtown Sedona, a fancy Italian name, dimly lit inside. Expensive.  
“Ahh, Tommy.” She hugged his right arm against her as they were shown to their table, a nice private little table with a candle burning in the center.  
“Well…?” He smiled at her. “Whatcha think?”  
“I think it’s awesome,” she said, grinning back at him. “I might steal some ideas for the restaurant. Thank you for taking me to such a nice place, me being a filthy criminal and all.”  
“Oh yeah, I still have to decide your punishment. Hmm.” Tommy winked at her. “Good thing I’ve got some time to do it.”  
Under the table, Lena had slipped her foot out of the high heel it was on and started running it up his leg.  
“Well hooray for me. If you need any help planning anything let me know. I would love to help.”  
Tommy sat back in his chair, rubbed her foot and held it from going any higher.  
“I really think I have all the creative control here.” He winked at her.  
Their server approached the table and Lena held her foot against his thigh. They ordered their drinks-non-alcoholic, even though Tommy urged her to get something laced with rum, she told him if he couldn’t drink then she wouldn’t either. He ordered his mandatory diet of grilled chicken and vegetables. He hadn’t had a carb in so long he almost forgot what bread tasted like. Lena, however, ordered baked chicken spiedini and grilled vegetables. Tommy shook his head at her.  
“Whyncha order somethin’ absolutely terrible, like lasagna or stuffed shells or somethin’?”  
Lena laughed. “Tommy, no way! Why, so I could torment you? At least the chicken isn’t fried-“  
“Uh yeah. If you had ordered somethin’ fried we’d been done right then.”  
“Oh yeah?”  
“Lena I haven’t had anything fried in so long, whaddya think I want the most right now?”  
“Well besides bread?” She winked at him, and he smiled at her finally.  
“Yeah. A big piece of fried chicken and a buncha mashed potatoes.”  
“Tommy, I’ll promise you this- as soon as you can sin I will make you my mom’s recipe fried chicken and as much mashed potatoes as you can eat.” She watched Tommy’s face change and she swore she heard some growling coming from underneath the table.  
“Fuck,” he said softly. “I’m starvin’. I’m gonna die before they bring the food out here.”  
“Don’t do that, Tommy. We still have to negotiate my punishment.” Lena winked at him. Tommy looked back at her impassively, shaking his head slowly.  
“No we ain’t negotiating anything. Let the punishment fit the crime.”  
Lena laughed softly. “When’s my trial? I mean, there’s no due process, no hearing, nothing?”  
“Not in my bedroom, no.” His eyes were lit from the inside, glowing with candleflame. They were interrupted by the server setting their plates down. “Just wait,” he finished, still staring at her. The hair on Lena’s arms stood up on end.  
“I might be planning something too, don’t be so cocky.” She almost choked on her peach bellini watching his expression turn dark. He waved his fork at her.  
“You know…I got nothin’ to say until after I eat. I’m tempted to deal with you right here and now.”  
Tommy looked like a male model sitting across from her, his tan glowing under the white shirt, silver dog tag glinting, dark ink of his tats peeking through. He had just shaved and his striking handsome face had a little boy quality, but his eyes like seascape skies, cloudy, blue, green, gold and grey, told a different story, a sad angry one that had aged his soul.  
And just like that, a little smile, and his expression softened, even the air around him lightened. Lena had started digging in, the food was irresistible. She offered him a small bite of her chicken, but he waved her off.  
“That’s how it starts,” was all he said between great wolfish bites of the chicken. “I think I need another one of these,” he muttered. Lena continued to devour her food, and when the server came up to check on them, she ordered Tommy another chicken breast.  
“Thank you,” he said gruffly, still fixed on his chicken. Lena’s foot started the ascent up his calf again, and he flashed her a smile and a half-assed grin. “Cut it out.”  
“No. That’s too boring.” Lena’s toes were nestling in his crotch and Tommy growled. She found the half-stiff pole in his lap and rubbed against it softly.  
“Quit fuckin’ with me girl,” he whispered, still half-smiling. “You’re gonna get it. I’ll fuck you right up against the wall in the bathroom here.”  
“Am I supposed to be scared?” Lena winked at him but stopped inciting him. She would wait til they got a little closer to a bed.  
Dinner was peaceful and filling. Tommy mentioned going to catch a movie, but Lena told him another time would be better.  
“Well why not?” Tommy was paying the check, turning down Lena’s moves to pay with severe irritation.  
“Because.”  
Tommy cocked his brow. “Because what?”  
Lena leaned against him as they walked out to the Jeep. “Because I have to leave you soon, and I don’t want to waste time in a movie theatre.”  
“Ohh I see,” Tommy was rolling his eyes. “You just want to stay in bed the whole time.”  
“No. Yes. I just want to lock us up in the room. Not come out unless we have to.”  
Tommy pushed her against the Jeep, pulling one of her legs back and up so his hips would be against hers. She could feel how hard he was already and she whimpered in her throat.  
“You sure you don’t wanna catch a movie? Hmm?” His sexy deep voice sent tingling chills down her nervous system, made her nipples hard, her clit throb.  
“Oh God,” she whispered, looking into his eyes, dark with the dim light of the parking lot. “Tommy…” her leg wrapped around his hip. “We can watch as many movies as you want, just …not now.”  
“Hmmmmm,” his voice hummed through her, singing to her passion. “I don’t know…you sure?” His face rubbed against her neck and Lena’s heart was beating so hard she could barely speak.  
“I’m leaving now for the room…are you coming or not?” Lena was still whispering.  
Tommy eased off her, lightly kissing her lips, soft and sweet, when right behind were his teeth wanting to chew her alive and his tongue wet and eager to explore every inch of her skin. He was pretty sure he was hungry enough for her he could have eaten her.  
“Get in. Drive us home.”


	38. Aphrodisia

Lena drove as calmly as she could. Her entire body felt electric whenever she was around Tommy, as if every nerve ending, every cell in her body was alert, aware of his presence and busily active, causing her heart to beat harder and faster, her body to perspire, her senses set to hyperdrive. Tommy, meanwhile, sat beside her, his expression blank in the passing lights of other cars, but his legs were in motion, his entire body showing nervous energy. The toothpick in between his full lips twirled and poked in and out, even his jaw clenched. Lena was relieved she was not the only one that felt this way-however Tommy looked like he was about to head into the octagon for a battle. He was silent and brooding, game face on. This made her a little more nervous, so she made an attempt at idle banter.  
“So…are you back to training tomorrow?”   
Tommy slowly turned his head towards her, as if she was breaking his concentration. “Yeah. 6AM.”  
“And your shoulder?”  
He continued to gaze at her. “Yeah, it hurts. Bad. I’ll take it easy.” She almost jumped out of her seat when his hand came down on her knee. “Don’t worry.”  
“Yeah, easier said than done. I’ll always worry about you.” Lena was finally at the parking lot of the Orchards Inn. She was sweating now, and the tension was still so thick in the Jeep. How did he do that to her, without saying a word she was picking up his vibes. The only problem was she wasn’t sure what was going on with him when he got so quiet, what was he thinking? She wanted to ask but she already knew Tommy wasn’t very responsive to prying.   
Tommy patted her knee before taking it away. She parked close to the front entrance, and as she got out Tommy met her at the car door. She wasn’t sure how he had reached the door so fast but she didn’t care. Looking into his eyes, glancing at his straight sloping nose that led to his hungry generous lips, all framed by his angled face, her heart fluttered. She stopped short when she was full on her feet and gently ran her hands up his chest, softly reaching for his neck.  
“Tommy…” she whispered, and he dipped his face down to hers, pushed his nose in her hair, and took a slow, deep breath in. “You don’t know what you’ve done to me.”  
She felt his lips smiling against her forehead, his good arm around her hugging her to him.  
“You’ve done this to me. It’s you.” His hushed voice sounded choked. “I’m just dreaming. I’m gonna wake up soon.”  
Lena nuzzled his neck, the stubble scratching her cheek and lips. “Just don’t. Please.”  
Tommy kissed the top of her head and started guiding her inside. When she stole a look at him she saw his handsome face a blank slate again. He stopped at the counter while she hit the elevator button, and she saw him talking conspiratorially with the attendant at the desk, then laugh as he headed towards her. He had a silly little smile on.  
“Hmm. What’s the smile for?”  
Tommy shook his head. “No smile here.” He fidgeted nervously, smiling to himself.   
“What are you up to?” Lena laughed out loud as the elevator door opened to their floor.  
“Nothin’!” But he could barely stand it as he opened the door to the room, and there was candlelight everywhere, rose petals all over the bed, a bottle of champagne chilling in a bucket by the bed.  
“Really, Tommy…” she turned around to face him as he closed the door, the light shuttering out from the hallway behind his burly frame. “Nothin’?”  
Slowly he came into focus as he approached her. He was holding his arm, smiling gently at her. Lena reached out for him, but he stopped short.  
“I can’t…not yet. I need some pills. And I need your help with the heating pad Colt left here…” he found a box on the nightstand and tossed it to her. She took the heating pad out and plugged it in by the bed, setting it to low. She touched the hot pink rose petals that were all over the bed, looked over at him and smiled. Tommy was working his shirt off, his face strained, cursing under his breath.  
“You know Tommy,” she said softly, helping him out of his shirt, unbuttoning and unzipping his pants, “we don’t have to do anything. You can just rest, OK? Thank you so much…this is beautiful, amazing.”  
“You deserve so much more.” He stared at her as she rose up from the floor. She had taken his pants and socks off and he stood in just a tight pair of boxer briefs, all shiny and perfect like a living statue in the warm flickering candlelight.  
“No Tommy.” Lena was trying so hard not to throw herself in his arms. She leaned forward, looking in his eyes. “I have everything I could ever want or need right here.”  
Tommy breathed on her, kissed her softly, fighting against the building heat between them.  
“No,” she broke from the kiss, bit her own lip. “Get in bed baby.”  
Tommy wandered to the bed and cursed loudly. “This wasn’t how it was s’posed to go down.” He scooped some of the petals and stuffed them under the sheet on her side, and got in, but stayed sitting up. Lena got the pill bottles, the Icy Hot, an ice pack, a couple glasses, and popped the champagne. She stripped out of her dress and took all her goodies to the nightstand.  
“We can still have it, we’re both here right?” Lena poured the glasses of champagne and handed Tommy one. She got in next to him, and he took a long look at her naked body as it slid in next to his, and she got under the sheet with him. “I know you’re not supposed to drink. But.” Lena shrugged. “Do you need icy hot or the cold pack?”” She handed him his pill bottles. Tommy didn’t say a word, just shook his head and took what he needed, chasing the pills with champagne, then set the bottles on the nightstand. Lena went to work, carefully wrapping his arm and shoulder up with the long heating pad.  
“Ow, fuck.” Tommy was hurting, probably more than anyone could ever know. He broke out in a cold sweat, and squinted his eyes shut.  
“I’m sorry babe.” Lena kissed his cheek, his temple when she was done.   
“Thank you,” he whispered. He rested his head back on the headboard and sighed. “I’m sorry Lena. This sucks.”  
She bent down and gently kissed the callused palm of his hurt arm, up his wrist, his bulging forearm, all the way up his bicep until the heating pad got in her way. The tension was slowly draining out of him, his eyes were looking hazy already. He patted her side of the bed and looked at her with half-open greenish eyes.  
“Yes boss?” she whispered.  
“You come here. Now.” His voice was a raspy breeze.  
Lena switched sides, got on her unofficial side and cuddled him, kissed him, embraced in his good arm.  
“Lena…don’t leave me alone…please.” Tommy was drifting somewhere far from her, and she rubbed his chest and belly.  
“Baby, lay down.” She tried to help him slide down flat onto the bed but he was too heavy. “Please.”  
Tommy rolled down into bed to lay on his right side, taking her with him to wrap her up in the sheet with him and press his body to hers in the warm fog of pills and fizzy wine.  
“Tommy, you can’t live like this forever baby.” Lena kissed his cheek; his long lashes fluttered against her face and she smiled, kissed his mouth softly.   
“Shhh…” was all he said, his eyes closed. He pressed his face against hers, kissing her sweetly. “Gimme what I want,” he whispered. He bit at her a little, kissed her wetly, his warm callused palm rubbing up her arm, her neck, to her face.  
“What’s that?” She ran her hand up his hip, scratching lightly at the hills of muscle there, up his side and his ribs, to his shoulder, all growing mountainous regions of firmness. Tommy’s breath blew hot on her face, his lips like wet, soft, warm sucking marshmallows against hers.  
“You know.” He gently used his bad arm to guide her hand to his groin, where his cock flopped against her arm, firming up immediately at her touch. “Make me come,” he whispered, his mouth against her face. His body trembled at her touch, and Lena was so hungry for him.  
“Oh my God Tommy.” She gripped him in her palm, he was hard, thick and pulsing, the tip so very slippery. His whole body throbbed with the slow strokes she began on him, and the very core of her body clenched and ached for him, needed him so badly. “I want to taste you.” Lena shimmied down his body, urged him onto his back and took him in her mouth- he was so big her jaw ached but she didn’t care. She wanted to make him feel as helpless as he made her feel, she wanted him to surrender to her.  
“Aw fuck,” he breathed, his big muscled body submitting to the joy and satiation of the pleasure she was giving him as she sucked him up and licked him down, fist tight around him like a vise. He was increasingly hazy, and the pleasure turned into colors in his mind, muted and matte, wavy like oil on a watery surface.  
Lena worked on him, grinded down on him, and his hips were starting to sweat against her. Tommy’s breaths were shallow and fast- he was so close but held down by the pills. She took her time, giving him as much pleasure as she could. All she needed was his sweet little cry and she knew she was too close.  
“Come here, damn you,” he growled, pulling at her. “Get on top.”  
Lena sat astride him, pierced herself with his cock, so deep and wide she cried out helplessly. Her body fought to accommodate his girth, as always she had to ease down on him, he filled her completely.  
“You’re so fucking lucky,” he said in a huff, watching under his hooded eyes as her hips slowly rolled and rotated on his.Lena looked down at his glistening skin, black tats standing out on tan skin, dog tags almost tangled with his chest hair-and his face, red and still injured, swollen with lust and need. She wanted to come right then, her entire body spasmed against his.   
“Oooh Tommy, I’m so close…lucky how?”  
“Lucky I can’t do what the fuck I want,” he growled in an icy rasp, and used his right hand to hold her to him so he could thrust up into her, making her gasp and cry. “I want to hold you down and fuck you so hard Lena.”  
She cried out loud, running her hands into her hair as she cast her head back. Tommy drilled into her from beneath, and she was already making them both so wet the smacking sound was audible in an echo through the room. She finally put one hand down on his hulking chest and thrusted her hips against his hard, taking his cock deep into her and pulling almost all the way off with a snap of her hips. He cried out softly, his hand clawed at her thigh as he tried to hold on.  
“Fuck you Lena...aw fuck don’t stop!” His voice was a rough sound, like paper ripping or drums and cymbals crashing, and she came instantly, stuttering and shouting obscenities as her body was torn in two by the ecstastic threshing orgasm that obliterated her on all levels-mind, body, soul. Tommy was losing it beneath her, and his body came off the bed, lifting her with it as he shot deep inside her. When Lena opened her eyes she looked down to see how he had been trying to fight against it in his face, how it tore through him and was released in hard fast waves of luxuriation. He was in pain with his shoulder and overwhelmed with orgasmic joy at the same time.  
Lena fell on him, their bodies spent and breathless and wet. She couldn’t move, her hips and thighs ached from their short rough meeting.  
“Lena…” he whispered. “I’m a dead man.”  
She sat up on him, his cock still trapped in a tight clamp inside her. Even he had to take in a sharp breath. The indomitable Tommy Conlon was hers, even if it was only temporary while he was hurt. Lena enjoyed the momentary conquest, slipping her hips around with him inside her.  
“You feel so good…mmm Tommy.” She kissed him, sliding her hands all over him, running up into his wet hair to tug gently.  
“Not much longer,” he said softly, breaking their kiss.  
“Not much longer for what?” Lena playfully teased him, still riding him gently, throwing her head back and feeling his hand on her breast.  
Suddenly she was on her back and trapped beneath 180 lbs of solid heavy muscle. Tommy had flipped her and had her pinned, in a split second. Lena’s head spun.  
“Don’t forget who you’re fuckin’ with,” he growled in her ear, making her shiver. “When I heal up…you’re all mine.” Tommy licked her ear, her neck, bit her collarbone almost too hard. “I’ll let you drive for a while, only cuz I’m hurt, doll.”  
“I got it Tommy,” she nuzzled her wet face against his, and he broke out in a wide smile. “You the boss.”  
“Ahh I love you,” he said softly, giggling a little. “You know I’m just playin’, right?”  
Lena looked up at him, his face obscured by shadow and candlelight and Adonis beautiful. “Maybe…” He dropped the smile. She beamed into his sudden brooding expression.  
“You gotta know I would never hurt you.” Tommy almost looked disgusted.  
“I do, baby.” Lena wanted to tell him how he eluded her sometimes, how she was sure he wouldn't hurt her but how he made the hair on her arms and neck stand up straight. Very rarely was she 100% about what was going on in his heart and mind.  
“Well…” Tommy smiled maliciously. “Maybe not on purpose…” As he gnawed on her mouth and neck, Lena tried so hard to imprint it all in her mind. In three days she had to leave.


	39. Fugitive

Just then a high pitched annoying ring pierced the room. Tommy almost leaped off the bed to grab his phone from the pocket of his pants he had laid over a chair, and answering it, opened the back glass sliding door and walked out stark naked onto the patio. Lena was shocked and taken aback as he slid the door closed, but remained calm in bed, listening to the deep vibrations of Tommy’s voice through the glass door. It got louder and more aggressive sounding, and she sat up straight to listen as best she could, but the depth and cadence of his voice prevented any words to be heard. He sounded like a storm thundering deep in the distance.  
After a little bit, Tommy tore the sliding glass door open to the side and came in like a raging stormcloud, went into the bathroom and slammed the door shut. Once again Lena sat mute, waiting for the fallout. What the hell was going on?  
Lena had never been a smoker, but Tommy made her think about it. Sitting alone in bed and feeling befuddled, she wanted a drink. There was a glass nearby that she could pour champagne into, wasn’t there? Or just the entire bottle…  
Tommy came out of the bathroom in a rush. He paced the floor for a minute, went back outside, looked at his phone blankly.  
“Tommy…” Lena called softly. He poked his head through the doorframe and it was almost as if he had seen her for the first time. He nodded. “What’s up?”  
Tommy shook his head, his face grim. “Pop.”   
Lena sighed and hung her head down. “What’s happened, Tommy?”  
He scoffed bitterly, sarcastically, and stalked out onto the patio, high-wired and ready for anything, but nowhere to go with it.  
“FUCK.” His voice was a deep growling bellow. Lena got out of bed and wrapped the sheet around herself to meet him outside. He was standing stock still, one hand clutching a little towel to his groin, the other hand wrapped around his cellphone with a death grip. He was staring out into the night sky-so many stars, it looked like the Milky Way was going to cleave through the very vault of heaven.  
Slowly Lena approached him, coming behind him to wrap him in the sheet with her. “Baby you’re naked-“  
“I don’t give a fuck,” he said flippantly. But he grasped the sheet around him anyway, shivered a little against the drastic difference of her warm soft skin against him and the dry cold air of the desert valley. She could feel the goosebumps all over his body, so she gripped him a little tighter, pressing her cheek against his shoulderblade, and her hands found his belly that she idly stroked.  
“Talk to me Tommy.” Lena kissed his spine while he huffed angrily, totally enraged.  
“I really don’t want to. Fuck!!” Tommy punched the wooden balcony, made everything shudder. When Lena opened her eyes she saw a big dent where he had made impact. Tommy turned to face her, the sheet still half wrapped around his frame. “I can’t believe it. But it makes perfect sense. Pop kicked the shit out of some people at the VFW and ran off. No one knows where he is.”  
“Oh shit!”  
“Yeah! Yup. I told Brendan, I fuckin’ told him…he tried to act like King Shit over the phone when I was in lab, cuz Pop was behavin’. Show’s over now, he ran off when the nurse was at the house with the social worker and been runnin’ ever since. Goddammit!!” Tommy kicked a chair over, making her jump. He immediately looked down and away from her.   
“Tommy…how long has he been missing?”  
He looked up at her, into her eyes. “A while. Found out when we were out to eat.”  
Now Lena understood. His taciturn attitude in the Jeep was because of this.   
“Why didn’t you tell me then?”  
Tommy looked at her like she was crazy. “What and ruin our night? At the time he had just run out, the cops were looking for him so I wasn’t gonna freak out til I had to.” He leaned into her and kissed her forehead. “Wasn’t gonna ruin our night.”  
Lena sighed and rested against him. Somehow his body was relaxing against her, his breathing was slowing. She had been worried at first-he looked like he was going to murder someone.  
“Tommy, you can tell me anything. Please, please let me in next time.”  
He was stone silent, just slowly melted into her. They stood outside in the chilly night air together, Tommy hugging and kissing her. Lena waited for a while, and finally spoke up.  
“So now what?”  
“Now what? Fuck, I don’t know. I don’t know.” Tommy kissed her cheek, her eyebrow. “I can’t get out there. But…”  
“I can.” Lena pulled back to look at him. “I can.”  
Tommy looked down at her. “You know I don’t want you gettin’ in it. You don’t wanna get wrapped up in all this shit.”  
Lena smiled at him. “You need to focus on your training and your fights. This is it. If I can help while I’m home, I will.”  
“Well doll,” he grumbled, wrapping her back up in his arms nice and tight, “that ain’t helpin’ now. I have no idea where Pop is and what’s goin’ on. Brendan is on his way to the ‘burgh but that’s gonna take him hours…” Tommy rested his rounded chin on the top of her head and sighed. “Fuck I wonder where he went.”  
Lena wrapped around his warm ribcage tighter, against the flexing steel muscles of his torso.  
“Who called you?”  
“Brendan. Cops called him. I told him, I tried to tell him…” Tommy’s low growl faded and he sighed. “I know I could find him. I really need to be home.”  
“No, you don’t. This is the rest of your life, something you want to do. You can’t give it all up-“  
“Don’t, Lena.” Tommy’s voice was rough and angry suddenly. “Don’t preach to me. I know where I need to be. He was a rotten no-good worthless piece of shit when I left with my mom. When I came back he was tryin’ to get it together. I fucked up his shit with my shit. He mighta done it on his own anyway but I tortured his ass and made him start back drinkin’. I’m responsible now.”  
Lena held back her sigh. “No you’re not Tommy. You didn’t do this. Paddy has a lot of problems. The only way any of this is gonna get resolved is if he wants to fix it.”  
Tommy shook his head. “Pop doesn’t know what day it is, or who I am sometimes. He’s getting worse. He was in Vietnam, drank way too much for too long.”  
“Has he ever been assessed for anything?”  
Tommy looked at her guardedly. “Yeah, his doc told me he was havin’ problems, back when I first got home. That was six years ago?” He shook his head, looking away. “There’s nothin’ you can do anyway. By the time you get home he could be in jail, or the hospital…who knows. Brendan should be there in about two hours. He can handle it. Let’s try to get some sleep. I gotta be up at 5.” He disengaged from her and headed in. Lena stood outside and looked at the night sky one last time. She felt small and insignificant in the face of the vast, cold Universe. Where was this all going to end up? Where were she and Tommy headed? A chill raced down her spine. Tommy’s life had been so fraught with difficulty. How could she be so egotistical to think she could be the one thing that could bring him any peace or happiness? Did he have an idea of what those feelings truly were? He was angry and broken and things just kept happening to solidify it, justify his bitterness and rage. There was no way he would ever let go of her, or she of him. But would their lives ever be somewhat normal? Her life had been crazy early on, her family traumatically shredded apart and the whole neighborhood disrupted. Nothing like what Tommy had experienced and she could only imagine how much mental discipline it had taken to get where he was now.   
While Tommy may have broken apart, pieces of himself fallen away, memories suppressed and emotions bottled, there was a part of him that would never give up, never be broken, never stand down. Tommy had looked into the gaping jaws of fear, desperation, abandonment, and hopelessness; the things lost to them were his youth, any shred of innocence he had left, replaced with contempt and bitterness. But he would not lose his will to survive. His mother had given him the grace he needed to find his strength within. Paddy may have trained his body and sharpened his skills, but his mother had raised her boys to be strong and observant, kind and loyal. She haunted Tommy’s dreams, her voice was so clear it was as if she was standing right beside him at times. For years he tried to shut it out, erase his past, erase himself. When he signed up for the Marines he asked for the most dangerous job, the worst place to go. He was surprised he passed the psych test-he wanted to die at that time, his mother was gone, he had no real friends, no family, and instead of reaching out to his brother, his terror and loss froze into a dark glacier of hate and hurt. Tommy sharpened it into a tool in the corps, he became a strategist and sniper, he used his quiet focused strength and melee skills to overcome difficult and tricky situations in the desert. It didn’t take long for him to promote to sergeant, then staff sergeant. He was in charge of at least 30 people at a time, and was noted by his seniors that he didn’t talk much, didn’t socialize much, and had no ego or fear. He was on his way to becoming a senior tactical adviser to the platoon commander, when the incident that would change his life forever happened.


	40. Coming Home

“Lena! You comin’ in?”  
She was broken out of her strange reverie by Tommy’s commanding voice in the room. She was still standing outside, barefoot and wrapped in a sheet, and it was chilly. It felt like she had been standing outside staring at the stars for hours.  
The sliding glass door shut with a ‘shhhh’. Tommy was sitting up in bed, watching her intently. She crawled in with him and he hauled her up to his chest, kissing her forehead.  
“You awright?” he whispered.  
“I don’t know Tommy…just worried for you.”  
“Nah, don’t you worry. Not supposed to be easy.” He covered her up in the blanket and cuddled her to him. Lena sighed deeply, warm in his arms. “Go to sleep.”  
She tried to let go, and found herself in a sweet spot physically, with a racing, anxious, terror-filled mind inside.  
Tommy didn’t think she could sense his hotwired psyche, he really thought she was asleep when he got up an hour or so later, dressed and left. Lena sat up as the door softly clicked closed, and she sat looking the clock- 12:35 AM. What was he doing?  
She waited a while, thinking maybe he went to get some ice for his shoulder. Maybe he needed something from the kitchen. Maybe he went to the drugstore for something.  
Finally at 1:15 she couldn’t stand it anymore. She kicked the sheets and blankets off, put on some jeans and a t-shirt, grabbed one of Tommy’s hoodies from the closet and wandered downstairs. There was no immediate sign of any activity whatsoever. It was late, no parties to be had.  
Lena asked the concierge if anyone had seen Tommy, but they responded they had not. She checked the pool and grounds, parking lot…nothing.  
The night clerk at the desk smiled at her as she approached the desk for the second time.  
“Can I help you?”  
Lena felt lost. “Umm…I hope. The mini-bar is out in my room, do you have anything available?”  
The clerk smiled wider. “Uh, I think we normally wouldn’t, but...if you’ll excuse me. I’ll be right back.” He shuffled out to what she imagined was the kitchen. When he returned he had a pint of Crown and a 20 ounce Coke.  
“Where did you get that, the alcohol fairy?” Lena smiled weakly with her own joke.  
He laughed. “Are you sure you’re old enough for this? Do I need to card you?” He slid the bottles her way.  
“Ugh, I can’t thank you enough. I want to sleep and I can’t shut down.” She took the bottles from the clerk, shaking her head.  
“It’s quite alright, I totally understand. If you need anything else I’m here all night.” The clerk winked at her, and she quickly ducked out to the pool grounds to sit with her drinks. It was cold in the desert night air, steam rising from the heated pool, and she cuddled up inside Tommy’s hoodie and sipped from the bottle of Crown and then the Coke to wash it down. She had left her phone upstairs and didn’t realize it until she started to buzz a little.  
She didn’t realize she had polished off a third of the bottle until she actually looked at it. Her head was swimming. Maybe she could sleep now…  
Upstairs the room was still empty. Lena was fuzzy and confused, sad and agitated. She set the bottles down on a table and flopped into bed, grabbing a pillow to hold onto and prayed for the room to stop spinning.

“Hey. HEY.” Tommy’s voice in her ear. Her body refused to respond. “Lena. LENA.”  
He shook her hard. She peeled her eyes open and saw the clock-5:50 AM. She closed them tight again.  
“Hmmmmpphh.”  
“You’re about to fall outta bed.”  
“Don’t care.”  
Tommy heaved her into bed using just his right arm. “I do.”  
“Fuck did you go…Tommy…”  
Deep loud sigh. “I’ll explain when I get back. Love you.”  
“Agghh…no I wanna know now.” She couldn’t look at him, her head hurt too much.  
“No. Later.”  
Lena heard and felt the covers being drawn around her and she was passing out again. The last thing she remembered was his warm lips on her cheek.  
LATER. Had to be mid-morning, she thought, maybe a little later…she opened her eyes out of the coma-like sleep she had been in. She was hot and sticky with sweat, wrapped in Tommy’s sweater and the covers smothering her-she was on fire. The room was cool and quiet, the sun was shaded through the blinds, and the clock read 2:15. No way, she thought. She dragged herself out of bed, ripped all her clothes off and threw her aching body into the shower. Afterwards she checked her phone-nothing, not a phone call or text message. The more Lena thought about last night, the angrier she got.  
“All you had to do was talk to me!” she said out loud to Tommy, who wasn’t there. Wrapped in a bathrobe she went onto the patio to face her punishment from the sun. It blasted her burning eyes and roasted her in her robe. She stood there and took it for as long as she could before drifting back into the room. She called room service and had them bring her up coffee and an omelette. Sustenance, dark sugary coffee, and fluffy eggs wrapped around vegetables and ham, smothered in cheese – and after a handful of painkillers, Lena was in heaven, if only for the meantime.  
She tried to watch a movie but fell asleep again instead, only to wake up and find herself on Tommy’s bare shoulder, his skin still moist and fragrant from a recent shower. She stretched out and yawned, and Tommy caressed her naked skin, kissed her hair.  
“Mmmm,” she growled, and turned her head to gnaw lightly on his pec. He hissed a little and giggled softly.  
“Good morning.” His voice vibrated in his chest and through her, giving her the chills.  
“What time is it?!?” Lena looked around and caught sight of the clock- 4:45 PM. Tommy just laughed.  
“You been sleeping all day,” he said. “You must’ve been really smashed.”  
Lena broke from his grasp, sat up next to him, suddenly remembering everything. Tommy was naked, half-covered in a sheet, his left arm wrapped with bandages and in a sling. “You know I wasn’t really, and I feel fine now, and where the fuck did you go last night?”  
He considered her quietly, his expression blank and guarded, and Lena narrowed her eyes at him, almost daring him to argue with her in any way. Finally he broke away from her stare and sighed.  
“I couldn’t sleep. I went to Colt’s room to talk to him, tell him about Pop. That’s it. And I get back to you passed out drunk-where did you get the Crown?”  
“The concierge gave it to me. Why couldn’t you have told me? I panicked when I couldn’t find you. Worried about Paddy-“  
Tommy interrupted her, his eyes dark and flat like a painting. “He’s for me to worry about.”  
“No, not anymore. If we’re actually gonna do this it has to be together Tommy. You may not understand that part but that’s the way it should be. You aren’t alone anymore.”  
His cheeks flushed and she could see he was literally biting his tongue.  
“Say it. Go ahead, say it.”  
“What?” He narrowed his eyes at her. She really didn’t like that guy when he came out.  
“You were about to say something not very nice.”  
Tommy shook his head, looked away from her. He stood up and walked to the table where there was a big sweating carafe of water standing with two glasses. She felt like he was going to run any minute.  
“I don’t know what to say anymore, Lena…I tried to tell you I was just gonna fuck up your life-“  
“No, Tommy, no. I don’t want to hear that. It’s not true. You and I are past that point. We already crossed that cop-out.” She stood up and joined him for a glass of water. He regarded her with a blank expression and hostile eyes. “Look let’s just drop it, I don’t want to fight about something trivial. I’m just glad you’re OK.”  
Tommy washed his water down in one pass, set the glass down, never taking his eyes off her. “Well…I wouldn’t say that.”  
Lena looked at him, puzzled. “What do you mean?”  
“I’m on the injured list. I’m out for at least two weeks, can’t train, can’t fight. Rivera broke his foot yesterday in training, so the fight has been cancelled. UFC official was in the gym this morning to tell Colt about Rivera and sent me to the doctor. I have to be in this bandage and sling or end up needing surgery.” His face was getting red again.  
Lena bit her lip, shook her head. “Tommy, I-“  
He raised his hand to stop her. “Don’t. Don’t say a word. I have to go home. This’s the way it has to be. But I’m not off the card for Sparta. And I still have other fights. So you better change your ticket, looks like we’re goin’ home together.”


	41. Sometimes You Can't Make It On Your Own

Lena didn’t know what to say anyway. A weak apology wouldn’t cut it. The tone of his voice and expression were barely disguising his anger and frustration. She wasn’t sure how to feel about him coming home so pissed, especially when he had a hornet’s nest to deal with there.  
Tommy stared her down for a minute, waiting for her to say something. Lena was quiet, watching him. He went to his bag and fished out some papers, and handed them to her. The first was a paper with a UFC letterhead describing his injury.  
‘MRI suggests chronic shoulder instability, rest and repeated heat and ice treatments, physical therapy to avoid surgery-two weeks or more.’  
And Tommy’s plane tickets, leaving the next morning at 6:15 AM. Lena looked up at him, and he just nodded, coming closer to her, his skin pink and warm. She could see what was happening already, and her body instantly reacted. Tommy’s dry callused palm was on her face, his bare skin pressed to hers.  
“Have you thought about it?” The quiet menace in his voice gave her a shiver. He teased her breast, gently pinched the hardening nipple.  
“Thought about what?” Lena placed her hands on his abdomen, hard and bulging with muscle, and she started rubbing and caressing. Her breath came hard as her heart sped up so fast it almost hurt.  
“Us. A place together. Remember?” His expression was soft, he was leaning in to kiss her gently. Her body pressed against his bandaged arm and she stepped back. “Don’t worry…hmm…” He whispered and hummed, pulled her close again, slipped his arm around her to bind her. His cock wedged between their bellies, and Lena gasped, looking into his acroamatic eyes glowing mineral blue, green, and gold. “You forgot, didn’t you…”  
“No Tommy, I didn’t.” She felt the fog of heat and moisture surround her, she wanted to give in. Her head was swimming. “I didn’t forget, just…”  
“Whatsamatter…am I not good enough for you?” His eyes were riveted on hers, and she couldn’t tell if he was starting to sneer or smile. Dangerous.  
“You know that’s not true.” She didn’t realize she was stepping backwards, and he was following, like some dance of predator and prey. Sweat broke out on her forehead, her upper lip. Tommy continued to stare her down. The small of her back was against the edge of the table now.  
“So what? What’s stoppin’ you?” He licked his bottom lip, bit it, looked down at her mouth, and hummed another noise out his throat.  
“Everything,” she blurted. Tommy got her on the table somehow, before she even knew it he was inside her, his arm hooked around her and his hand gripping her ankle tight. His eyes closed tight and he took in a deep breath.  
“Ohh…hmmm what does that mean,” he said in an exhaled breath on her face. Lena was impaled on him, she struggled to grip onto his body anywhere she could, faltering.  
“Tommy…Tommy…”she cast her head back as he thrusted into her, short quick and deep.  
“Tell me…tell me why…” He was fighting against himself to not use his left arm at all, all bound up and helpless. “Goddammit why…”  
“I’m scared Tommy!!” She was going to come if he didn’t stop. She wanted to talk but couldn’t, he rendered her powerless under his physicality. “I want to but I’m so scared Tommy…” Her body rattled against his and then went still and stiff in a death throe. Juices flooded over and around him and he didn’t know how long he could hold out either.  
“Nothin’ to be scared of…Lena I’ll protect you. I’ll keep you safe.” Tommy’s growl turn into a sob-like cry as he was pushed over the edge, buried deep inside her and locked down. Endless shockwaves, each of them hitting different plateaus. “Oh holy fuck Lena I will protect you with my last breath.” He dropped his head on her shoulder and tried so hard to catch his breath. “Even from me.”  
Lena burst into tears, the raw emotion of the moment could not compare to the ocean inside her.  
“No, don’t please don’t…” Tommy held her as she sobbed. Lena fought against herself but the tears came anyway. She hurt so bad for him, the pain coming from deep inside her own psyche, a voluminous well that could swallow them both. She was sitting up on the table now, he had withdrawn and she was holding onto him with all the life she had left.  
“I don’t want to lose you Tommy…not ever.” She kissed his face, his lips, his chin and jaw. “I can’t help but worry. I can’t let you go either, I know what you want but what are we gonna do when we get home and it’s all real life again?”  
Tommy sighed, holding her to him. “Just let me worry about that, will ya? I’ll take care of everything, just…” He pulled back to look at her. His aqua eyes were rimmed with red. “You gotta know, I ain’t about to let anything get between us. Not no more. I’m gonna fix it up, you wait an’ see…Lena I can’t do this without you. Don’t wanna come see you. Don’t wanna wait all day and night, tryin’ to make it work. I wanna come home and know you’re gonna be there. I wanna wake up and find you there. I can help you, I won’t weigh you down. You’ll see.” He cupped her face in his hand and nodded. He was a man of his word, and Lena knew that. At least with her he was 100% of the time. “I want us to share a key,” he whispered.  
Lena wanted to cry all over again. How could she say no, how could she dare to keep fighting this man? He couldn’t tell her he was terrified of things going back to the way they were, how depressed he was at the thought of being alone…without her. He hadn’t slept so soundly, or felt more connected to himself through her and the love she had for him. He felt alive again.  
“Yes Tommy. Yes.” She wrapped her arms around his thick neck, and he was lifting her up. She locked her legs around his waist and he moved through the room as if she weighed nothing, and then he was falling on her on the mattress, laughing softly.  
“Yeah?” He was grinning at her. God she loved it, he looked like a kid at Christmas. Every glower and glimmer of his hurt angry insides faded away in the sunshine of his smile.  
“Yes. We can figure it all out when we get home…just, kiss me Tommy.” She looked up into his mood ring eyes, set wide and deep in his angelic comic-book superhero face. He took her mouth with his, passion burning again within him and his heart racing against hers. She gasped and wrapped him against her like an octopus, holding him and inhaling him. It wasn’t long before he was hard and finding the opening to fill her, to bind and seal them together closer than close, smothering and freeing him at the same time. Lena twisted backwards in the sheet, breaking from his kiss to cry his name as he pierced her, like Poseidon slaying a sea beast with his trident, and she helplessly came against him, consumed and laid bare before Tommy and anything he could ever want from her. He rested on his right side and drove her into the mattress unforgivingly, squeezing every last drop from her before he finally imploded inside her, gruffly yelling expletives before shuddering to a stop on top of her.  
“Tommy…my heart is yours.” She held his wet head in her hands and kissed dark wet locks of hair.  
“I want it all,” he whispered. "Every single fucking thing." 


	42. Last Vacation Day

Lena and Tommy layed there in bed for a while, not talking, just breathing. Tommy was not really there-when Lena stole a glance at him she saw his eyes open and blank, staring in the distance at nothing. She could only imagine what was going on in there.  
She needed to call the airline, call Vince, Cal and her mom and let them know she was coming back a little early. All the while the idea of moving in with Tommy presented her with question after question, her worried mind would not rest behind her eyes. Tommy was going through the same thing perhaps, but he didn’t seem to care about the details-everything seemed so small in the face of what he wanted and that it was in his grasp to take.  
After a while Tommy rose up, struggling slightly on one arm, kissed her mouth, her cheek, her forehead, and broke free of her embrace to get out of bed. He grabbed the sling on the floor, discarded and forgotten at what point she couldn’t remember, and slipped it on. Lena watched him cross the room to the bathroom, and she took her cue to recover some clothing and grab her cell- there was already a text message from Cal: “You’re coming home bitch HA HA HA!! For real I’m so happy. Miss you! Call me with the details!” Lena laughed softly- she needed to get to the gym and let Cal work her like a pissed drill sergeant. She heard the shower running and started her laundry list of calls-changed her flight to the earliest available, a mid-morning flight arriving in Pittsburgh a few hours after Tommy since his plane was all booked up already. Vince didn’t answer so she left a message, her mom was out with Rita and was so happy to hear her daughter was coming home, and then there was Cal.  
“Ha ha ha bitch I cursed you!” Hysterical peal of evil laughter.  
“Hey, you dick, I hope that you’re kidding, really. Tommy is hurt pretty bad-“  
“Come on, Lee, you know I’m kidding. But yeah, I’m not gonna lie, I’ve been missing you and this managing the gym shit is driving me up a fucking wall!”  
“I know, silly, I understand. Everything is going to work out somehow. You and I need to have a big talk when I get home-“  
“Oh shit, Lee…you preggo?”  
“No you dumbass!” Lena laughed nervously. Tommy was emerging from the bathroom dressed already and looking fine in a dark blue shirt and black jeans, hair still damp. He caught her staring at him and winked at her, a half-smile playing on his lips. “Look I’ll talk to you when I get there, just keep your shit together til tomorrow, OK?”  
“OK, OK, shit why you coppin’ attitude with me?” Cal laughed. “See you tomorrow. Love you.”   
“Love you too.” Lena set her phone down and watched Tommy watch her. He had sat down on the bed facing her and had the bunched up black bandage that had been wrapped around his arm.  
“Hey,” he said softly. “You help me with this?”  
Lena got up immediately and went to work wrapping his entire arm, then slipped the sling around his body so he could rest his arm in it.  
“Wish they wouldn’t of fucked with me so much, now it just hurts worse.” His voice was a growling whisper. Lena was on her knees before him, her ribs rubbing against the inside of his thighs. She looked at him, longing to alleviate his pain, knowing that the worst was not over. He was just starting up again and already was falling short- that hurt worse than any pain his shoulder could be causing him.  
“What can I do baby,” she whispered, rubbing his knees. Tommy just regarded her behind his silent stone grey eyes. He leaned down ever so slightly.  
“I want you to get ready,” he said softly, “because I want to take you out for dinner again before we have to leave.” He kissed her lips slowly, softly, and almost chastely. “And then I’m gonna have you all to myself one last night here. I’m gonna break the fuckin’ headboard, and tear the sheets up-“  
Lena looked up into his very serious expression and burst out laughing.  
“What, why’s that funny? I’m gonna fuck this room up tonight. Broken shit everywhere. We’re gonna do it on top of everything.”   
When she opened her eyes again she saw he was grinning evilly. She giggled again and he joined her. Then he was quickly pulling her up against him and she was sliding across his thighs and up his chest-he was laying back and taking her with him.  
“Not playin’, Lena.” He was gnawing on her neck and she couldn’t wait to have him again. Her body fell in beside his and she felt more in control to kiss and caress him, one of her legs hooked around his hips and her hair falling all around his face as she took more of his mouth with hers. His eyes were open and watching her, his breath coming faster and harder-she could feel how his body was reacting against her leg. He groaned in his throat.  
“Mmm, I hope you never get tired,” he said softy, breaking from the kiss. “Go get ready. Now.”  
Lena cocked her head back to get a good look at him. The hazy sunlight that saturated the curtains was the only light in the room, and it made his skin glow and caught the myriad of color in his eyes. She ran her fingertips along his jaw, touched his reddened lips thick and soft against her skin.  
“Ah Tommy…” She sighed. “You know I’ll do anything you say.”  
His expression showed his amusement. “Anything?”  
She laughed. “Well…almost.” She kissed him one last time and then leaped off the bed and charged into the shower, and she heard his soft chuckle behind her. “I said almost!”  
Lena hurried through the motions in the shower, hopped out and caught Tommy watching TV and trying not to notice her as she got dressed.  
“Any news on Paddy?” She was dressing in a slinky black dress and sexy shoes. Tommy’s eyes flickered from the TV to her and stayed.  
“No. Nothing.”  
Lena sighed heavily. “We’ll find him,” she said softly. She took a long look at Tommy, who just regarded her silently, and then she was in the mirror trying to do something with her wet tangled hair. She heard him laugh softly.  
“I hope we do. Brendan’s out there, looking for him, waiting for something to happen, cops, ambulance, someone to find him. I think I know where he is.”  
Lena finally was fed up enough to fix her hair up in a neat little bun. She looked like a socialite going out for cocktails. Tommy nodded at her appreciatively.  
“Where, Tommy?”  
“At Rita’s. If I were a betting man I would lay my last dollar on it.”  
Lena could not hide her surprise. “You think she’s harboring our fugitive?”  
Tommy shrugged one shoulder. His attitude couldn’t get any more laid back. He must have taken some pills, she thought. “Well…I’m sure Rita doesn’t know he’s missin’.”  
“No,” she responded, shaking her head. “Rita would know people are out looking for him.”  
“You don’t know how close Rita and Pop were, huh?” Tommy was smirking. “Yeah back in the day Rita was chasing Pop out of the bar and tryin’ to be a mom to Brendan I guess…Pop talks about her all the time. Used to piss me off, but now…does any of it matter?”  
Lena just looked at him, she didn’t know what to say. Had Rita been involved with Paddy? Tommy was right, it didn’t matter…but still, curiosity was one of Lena’s downfalls. She wanted an answer.  
“Hmm,” was all she could say. She looked around the room, spied her black high heels. Tommy watched her slip her shoes on and slowly walked his way. A little smile played on his lips. “How can you stay so calm?”  
He shrugged again, made a face. “What can I do from here? No I don’t worry. I know where he is. I’m tellin’ ya Lena…he’s dryin’ out over there.” He took her hand and she tried to pull his mass off the bed. “You ready I take it?”  
Lena stood in front of him, dwarfed before his near-colossal body. “Yeah, I am. I’m ready to get back here and destroy the joint.”  
They laughed together, and for a brief moment Lena imagined every moment between them being so irreverent and fun. It was nice to think of it, but she knew they had a very hard road to bear together, sludging through the dark rainy skies of Tommy’s world, with Lena trying to pull him towards the light the whole way.  
Tommy took her to a cute little roadside diner, where he ate chicken fried steak and mashed potatoes, drank a half-pitcher of sweet tea and even considered a piece of strawberry pie afterwards. Lena had ordered a club sandwich and salad, and it was almost as good as being at her mom’s for lunch. She just smiled blithely at him, finding it fitting to be with him in such an inconspicuous place dressed like she was going to a dinner party. She watched him happily and quietly sin in peace, and was happy too. There would always be a part of her that was in shock, disbelieving what she was seeing, that she was with Tommy Conlon, her brother’s hero, MMA and Marine legend, neighborhood king, very private and virtually unknown to everyone. There he was, sitting across from her with gravy on his bottom lip, happily destroying his diet, and his feet were tangled with hers under the table.  
He seemed to know what was behind her smile, and he winked at her, licking his lips.   
“So…you want some strawberry pie there, tiger?” He smiled his adorable crooked grin, so belying his animal nature beneath the surface.  
“Oh no. Not here.” She smirked. “I got some pie for you.”  
“Oh yeah?” He grabbed her wrist and tugged gently. “What you mean, pie? Hmm?” His eyes were hot and darkening grey-if all humans were made of stardust, then Tommy was black holes and dark matter.  
“Yeah, I can let you taste-test the product once we leave here.” She stared back unflinchingly, but the heat was rising in her neck and face.  
He bit his bottom lip. Oh God, she thought, he has to know what he’s doing when he does that… “Yeah? Well I really can’t wait, I got a real bad sweet tooth.”  
“Good,” she relied, her voice strained. “Where’s the fuckin’ check?”   
Lena drove the way she normally did-like a crazy east coast girl with no time left on Earth. Tommy was laughing, just a little scared but loving the fact that it was her sex drive pushing her past the speed limit and doing hairpin turns on a dime.   
“You’re gonna kill us Lena,” he said, trying to smother his smile.  
“No I won’t,” she growled, and pulled into the hotel swiftly and parked with deadly accuracy. “I know how to fuckin’ drive. Uncle Vince took me and David to New York City one weekend and stopped the car in an alleyway, and told me and my brother we had to drive, all weekend. We both sorta knew how to drive but we picked it up real quick after that.”  
Tommy looked at her sideways, not really trying to hide his expression. “Well that explains everything.”  
Lena smiled sarcastically at him and stuck her tongue out, got out of the Jeep and came around to help him out-of course he waved her off.  
“So you think we can get some more Crown from the desk?” Tommy walked beside her, looking down at their feet, her shiny black heels and his rugged black work boots.  
“I don’t know,” she said, “I’ll find out.”  
LATER-Tommy was already upstairs and Lena was putting in an order for more alcohol, and strawberry pie. She made her way to the elevator and ran into Colt there.  
“Hey Uncle Colt,” she smiled, going into his embrace.  
“You comin’ back with us, Lee?”  
“No, I didn’t book in time-“  
“Aw bullshit. Gimme your info-“  
“Everything is in the room.”  
“Good,” said Colt, “I was headed up to see Tommy anyway.”  
Lena and Colt were the only ones in the elevator. She sighed and finally couldn’t stand it any longer.  
“So…Is Tommy gonna be OK?”  
Colt took a long look at her. “He got big too fast. Put too much strain on his shoulder. I think if he really rests it for a week or two he’ll be OK. Rivera broke his foot, did Tommy tell ya?” Colt laughed bitterly. “I swear it’s the Conlon curse.”  
“What?” Lena looked confused.  
Colt waved his hand at her dismissively. “No such thing…but really what are the odds? If that hadn’t happened Tommy may not have gotten another fight until Sparta. No, he’ll be OK, Lena. Just watch him, will ya? I know him, he’ll push it as soon as it starts feelin’ better and fuck it up worse.”  
Lena nodded and the elevator opened. “I got you Uncle Colt.” She opened the door and found Tommy stretched out naked in bed, the sheet barely covering his hips.  
“Oh for fuck’s sake,” Colt grumbled, looking away. Tommy didn’t really make much of a move to cover up.  
“I didn’t know we were havin’ a party,” Tommy said sarcastically.  
“I’m leaving,” said Colt, “but first I wanted to tell you Kai from the UFC called to tell me they set you up with a physical therapist and doctor in the ‘burgh. And you got a fight in three weeks with Victor Castanho.”  
Tommy just stared at him. “They pretty sure I’m gonna be all better by then huh?”  
“Well you are, cuz you ain’t steppin’ foot in the gym, ‘cept maybe to hit the stationary bike.”  
“OK boss.”  
Colt waved his arms up. “That’s right. Lena gimme your flight info, I bet I can get it switched.”  
Lena passed him the paper she had everything written on. “Thanks Uncle Colt.”  
“Sure. I’ll text you if can get it done. See you at 4AM. Goodnight.” Colt slammed the door behind him. Lena laughed softly, looking over at Tommy’s monstrous frame in bed, creamy skin with tinges of pink and the black ink everywhere, dark hair and gleaming greenish eyes, rounded muscles and hard edges everywhere.  
“Does this mean you’re mine now?” Lena started to pull the dress over her head, and there was a knock on the door.  
“Nope,” said Tommy. Lena struggled to get her dress untangled from her hair and arms, finally got it back down and smoothed out. She opened the door and her buddy the doorman was there with Crown, ice, coke, and two slices of strawberry pie. She winked conspiratorially at him, and he winked back. She slipped him a $20 and thanked him, shut the door and brought everything inside.  
Lena winked at him and poured him some Crown over ice. “You ready?”


	43. Full Circle

“Fuck yes,” Tommy said gruffly, taking the glass from her. “Thank you.” And just like that he emptied the glass, rested back and sighed. “I feel like shit after eatin’ that bad food but it was so fucking good.”  
Lena laughed, mixing herself a drink. “Ah Tommy, it’s just a mini-vacation now. You’ll be back to chicken and broccoli before you know it.” She sat on the edge of the bed and sipped her drink. Tommy gently put his hand on the glass and took it from her, downed that one as well. “Hey. That wasn’t very nice.”  
“Who said I was nice, doll.” His lazy smile belied his killer growling voice. Lena made them another round and drank hers down just as fast. “What’s on the tray over there?”  
She smiled at him. “Strawberry pie. But you can’t have any until after the first round.”  
Tommy’s eyebrows went up. “You tryin’ to tell me how it’s gonna be?”  
“Yeah, last time I checked you’re the patient, I’m the nurse. I’m in charge and you’re gonna do what I say.”  
He laughed mirthlessly. “Hell no, little girl. I don’t think so.” He pulled her down to him and kissed her. “Why you still in that dress?”  
“Good question…” Lena got off the bed long enough to take it off, slip out of the heels and stand before him naked. Tommy was tenting the sheet, glaring at her.  
“Come here, now.”  
Lena shook her head, mixed another drink, his straight, hers with a splash of coke. The bottle was almost gone already. She felt tipsy but energized, standing by the bed and looking down at him. Did she have the energy to torture him? Tommy drained his glass, chewed on the ice while she worked on hers.  
“I don’t know if I’m ready…”  
“I can get you there.” Tommy slid his hand up her thigh, palmed her sex and rubbed gently. “Come here.”  
Lena was urged forward by his fingers, and mounted his hips. She couldn’t help but grind on his hand.  
“Higher.” He curled his fingers inside her and tugged up a little, and she felt that manic ecstasy beginning as he massaged her g spot. “Higher.”  
Lena was holding onto the headboard now, and his face was between her thighs.   
“That’s it,” he growled, and pushed her hips down so she was almost sitting on his face. Lena grabbed the headboard and her thighs shook as Tommy tongued her, sucked and pulled at her, the strokes of his lips firm and unending. She cried out from his blend of ferocity and sweetness, she couldn’t see straight-his fingers dragged in and out of her, his sucking mouth swallowing her whole and his tongue massaging her clit all at the same time. She looked down in to his hungry eyes watching her and she broke into a million pieces, like hot glass shattering. Tears streamed down her face, the pleasure was almost pain.  
Tommy slid out from under her and quickly was on his knees behind her, negotiating the position to run the entire length of his cock into her with one swift movement. She felt speared, impaled, immobile, and Tommy was silent as he grinded inside her, rubbing himself inside her, massaging the walls of her sex to make some room for himself.  
“Ahhh!!” Lena pressed her cheek against the headboard, seeking support as her legs began to fail. Tommy went to work, steadying himself with his right hand on her hip, and thrusted hard against her tight little sex, getting bathed in the same juices that were all over his face as she came all over again. He relentlessly battered her, and she was slipping helplessly down onto the bed-he jackknifed her against the headboard, holding on to whatever he could grab one-handed and cussing loudly, not wanting to stop. He fell back, pulling her with him, and she was sitting reversed on top of him, and he was trying to get a deep breath while she was dazed and drenched. She couldn’t help but move, slowly rotating and sliding all over him, she felt stretched and hot and full of him.  
“Oh fuck,” Tommy growled, and Lena knew she had to be doing something right. His hand was in her hair, clawed down her back and grabbed her hip. “Don’t you fucking stop.” She worked down on him in harder circles, slow and easy. Sweat dripped off her nose and chin onto the sheet; she opened her eyes to watch his toes curling up as he groaned low in his throat. Suddenly he was rolling her over, still inside her and now on top again, and she was overwhelmed by his vicious attack- so strong even one-armed, and she felt it before he could even warn her as he detonated, exploded, burst apart inside her, all over her, cursing and crying out like it hurt. He rolled off her and layed there, helpless and gasping, and she couldn’t move for the moment, wasn’t even going to try.  
“Tommy…” She reached out for him, and he held her hand against his chest with his bandaged hand. “Are you really mine…?” she whispered. She watched a smile break out on his wet face, his eyes still closed.  
“Do you really want me?” He turned his head towards her and opened his eyes. Lena could see the sadness there. “Sometimes I can’t believe you’re really here. That this is really happenin’. And what we need to do when we get back. My pop…” He closed his eyes again. She knew it was weighing on him more than he let on. Lena rolled onto her side and kissed his mouth, his cheek, rested her face against his.  
“We’ll figure it out. It’s gonna be OK.” Her whisper in his ear raised gooseflesh all over him. “What we need to do is to try and get some sleep tonight-the flight is so long, it sucks.” She remembered then that Colt was going to try to get her on their flight, and she hopped out of bed and went to get her phone. Tommy laughed softly and grabbed the sheet to cover himself. Lena had two text messages, one from Cal and one from Colt- “Hey bitch, what time you gonna be back, I’m coming to get you!!” and Colt’s- “Be ready at 4, lady.”   
“YES!” she said out loud, and text Colt back, “Thanks Unc!!”  
“What?” asked Tommy, wrapped in a sheet and still looking wet.  
“Colt got me on the same flight as you!”  
He flashed his greenish eyes at her. “Great so I gotta put up with you the whole flight?”  
Lena threw a little couch pillow at him. “You mean I gotta put up with you!” She wanted to run and jump on him, but instead flipped him off and went into the bathroom.  
“We just did that,” Tommy called out.  
When she came out, he was taking his meds and polishing off the bottle of Crown.   
“First off, that’s not safe at all. Second, hey. You could’ve waited. You know, sharing means caring.” She threw another couch pillow at him, and he jumped off the bed and came after her-she was squealing and attempting to flee when suddenly he had her on the couch in a mock rear chokehold, face down in the couch cushions. “Tommy…your shoulder.”   
Tommy scoffed. Letting go of her and at the same time resting more of his weight on her, he began tickling her mercilessly, making her squeak and buck against him to try and get away.   
“Stop STOP PLEASE I’m BEGGING YOU TOMMY!!”  
He was laughing now too, enjoying the torture he was inflicting on her. Lena almost knocked him clean off the couch and he had to catch himself on the coffee table using his hurt arm, and it was enough to stop him cold.  
“Are you OK?” She was still trapped under his weight and couldn’t move.  
“Mmm,” Tommy growled, “s’my fault.” He climbed off her and pulled her up to her feet. She clung to him, kissing him, her skin against his, and she realized how addicted she was to that magic feeling being with him gave her. Tommy held her, leaning down to give some back to her, and she wanted him all over again.  
“How could I ever get tired of you…” Her passion ran hot against his immovable physique. She bit into his neck almost too hard, ran her mouth down along the thick band of muscle to his collarbone.  
“Give it time,” he breathed, his hand running slowly down her side to her hip. Lena kissed his chest, his tats there, mouthing the numbers in a whisper as she kissed, “1338046”. She was ignoring his comment, working her way down, until she was on her knees on the parquet floor in front of him, leaving him gasping as she skillfully, demandingly worked him in her mouth and hands. She had only seen something so perfect in a dream once-she looked up and saw past a forest of muscle and skin into dark eyes only hinting at color, the intensity that was pent up for so long burning back at her. The bandage was coming undone again and the cloth caressed her face as she glided down and sucked upwards. She ran her nails up his legs, rubbed the hard muscles of his thighs, and he felt like he was going to fall any moment, his legs were trembling and he had nothing to hold onto.  
“Lena….Lena…” he was trying to pull her up, but she was relentless-finally when she felt his leg giving way she abruptly quit. “The pills…”  
“Come on Tommy,” she said softly, taking his hand. He almost stumbled to follow her in, and she sat him on the bed to re-wrap his arm and shoulder. He watched her, looking almost sorry for her.  
“You’re gonna get tired,” he said softly. “You should let me do it.”  
“Next time.” Lena finished up, kissed his forehead and stood up, and Tommy grabbed her and held onto her for dear life with his good arm.  
“No matter what happens,” he said, “just remember I love you with everythin' I got.”  
She looked down at him quizzically, but he kept his face hidden, tucked sideways, his cheek against her belly.  
“I will…Tommy…?”  
He looked up at her, looked away. “Shut off the lights, hmm? Gotta sleep.” With that he rolled into bed, and she went to flip any light switches they had left on. She started to program her phone’s alarm, the blue light illuminating her in the pitch black room. “I set an alarm already….c’mere.”  
Lena did it anyway, set it for 3AM. She felt so strange-he was apologizing for things not gone wrong yet, and she was at the edge of feeling sad about their little vacation ending, and excited about getting back to work and school, knowing that nothing was going to be the same again after tonight.   
Getting into bed she was welcomed by the soft heat of Tommy’s body, the rise and fall of his steady breaths. Wrapped in his arm and nestled against his chest she drifted into a haze of sleep, never going very deep as her nerves wouldn’t allow it. The night stole away their time, she knew the morning was coming soon and would not be very forgiving.  
“I love you,” she whispered out loud, sometime in between sleep and wake states, unaware of time itself. Rough sandy cheeks and chin rubbed against her skin and she felt his dry lips kissing her forehead and nose.  
“I love you too,” came the sleepy response-Tommy couldn’t let go either, he was being kept awake by the tumult of his emotion, his nagging worry and fear, his elation at possibly having a somewhat normal life with the one person who dared to carry a lantern deep into his darkness and refuse to leave. His father, his injury, the fact that her life would intersect with his and his inability to deal with people very well might spill over into hers-disruption on both sides. But he was a warrior, when he made his mind up he saw it through, no matter what the cost, and he knew there was going to be sacrifices made on both parts. He knew what he wanted and she was all he could see. He snuggled her up so she was wrapped inside the circle his body made for her, his arm rested comfortably on his side and hip, and he finally drifted off with her for a brief walk through the clouds of shared consciousness, where there were no troubles, no worries, just the peace of their union.


	44. Long Road Home

Time was irrelevant-Lena awoke to Tommy struggling behind her to push her over a little, enough to slip inside her from behind, his body bearing down on her, trapping her against the mattress. His arm was desperately wound around her, and finally she ended up on her belly and arching her back with Tommy grinding deep inside her, his cheek pressed against her shoulder, his body gasping and hitching as he worked. Lena cried out into the pillow, her voice rough and broken, and his arm came around in between her neck and shoulder as he roughly pistoned his body into hers.  
“Fuck!” His voice was a scratchy whisper, and he was slipping off her-Lena quickly broke free, pushed him onto his back and mounted him, her body taking all of him to the hilt. Tommy cussed some more, his hand clamping on her hip so he could try to control the pace, but Lena resisted. She had other ideas.  
“Ah Tommy…no no.” She slowly made circles on him, changed how fast and deep, refused his slippery grasping tries at making it a hit-and-run. He jumped a little when he felt her hand on his balls as she reached back and caressed him, and he felt an electric chill and started relaxing back a little.  
“OK…it’s your show,” he growled, letting go of her so she could do what she wanted.   
“That’s right,” she whispered, twisting her hips on him in a figure 8, making him gasp, then bouncing on him hard and fast, then slowing down again so she could lean forward and take his mouth with hers. The sweat that was all over them made it harder to hold onto him, she felt like she was going to slip right off. Tommy sounded louder than he ever did, maybe it was the room so dark and quiet, maybe he was just hurting since he hadn’t finished earlier, Lena didn’t care-it sounded so sexy, his rough voice rising and falling in cries and curses, growls and whimpers, she found herself crushing her clit against his pelvis, closer and closer to the edge every moment, until she burst into an intense shuddering orgasm, out of control and so wet-she was bearing down and flexing around him so tight he yelled her name. Exhausted but not done, she wound herself around him until she was backwards and she could ride him harder, deeper, faster. Tommy sounded like he was stifling a scream and it was almost over, his hand a death-grip on her thigh as he held her in a tight seal to his hips, and she felt him spasming inside her, emptying out and holding his breath at the same time.  
“Damn damn got damn,” he yelled in a whisper, falling back on the pillows. Lena slowly disengaged, stealing a look at the clock-2:15 AM. “Lena….fuck…”  
She fell in beside him, her drenched body against his. “Tommy, close your eyes and sleep for a little.”  
“Ohmyholyfuckjesuschrist,” he muttered, still so out of breath. “I’ll try.”  
She smiled against his cheek, kissed him softly. The alarm was going off in 45 minutes.  
SURE ENOUGH, the horrible racket began in stereo as both their phones sounded off. Both Lena and Tommy hopped off the bed, Tommy cussing in frustration and pain, Lena snapping on a lamp, blinded and eyes glues shut. She staggered up and headed to the bathroom to take care of business-Tommy came in, totally ignoring her trying to pee and turned on the shower. His arm was unwrapped and he was naked except for his ink. Lena got up and he took his turn-they ended up in the shower together, numbly scrubbing each other’s backs and taking turns rinsing off. They still hadn’t said a word to each other, just did what they had to and got out.  
They dressed and started packing up, Lena helping Tommy as much as she could since he was fighting against himself to not use his left arm at all. When everything was collected and packed, she set all the bags by the door. He sat on the edge of the bed, swallowing pills.  
“You should just wrap it baby,” she whispered, finally breaking the silence. His puffy red tired eyes met hers, and he smirked a little.  
“Ya help me?”  
Lena smiled. She knew she looked awful but it didn’t matter. “Sure.”   
Tommy sat and let her wrap him up, help him slip it in the sling. “Thank you.” He kissed the top of her head, and she climbed up on him, in his lap, locking her legs around him and kissing him. He moaned low in his throat, his rough stubble scratching and heating up her skin as he kissed her back. His dark hair had started to dry, it was falling almost in his eyes, and she tugged it at the back of his head.  
“Oh don’t you fuckin’ do that,” he growled. She opened her eyes and saw the color changing in his eyes.  
“I’m sorry,” she said softly, but then noticed his toothy smile.  
“It has to wait til we get home,” he said. “You’re all mine, doll. I’m gonna have you every night to myself.”  
Lena broke out in a wide grin. “I know, when are we gonna sleep?”  
“When I can’t take it anymore.” He kissed her again, soft and sweet. There was a loud knock on the door. “That’s it, time’s up.”  
Lena opened the door to a hyped up Colt. “Alright you kids ready? Come on Lena, gimme your keys, I’ll pull the car up front.” He took the keys and pushed a luggage cart into the room that already had a carry-on and a suitcase on it. “Get your shit on there and come on.”  
Lena and Tommy made their way downstairs and to the lobby, loaded up the Jeep and Colt gave Lena the driver’s seat, hopping in the passenger side.  
“Where’s the nearest gas station,” she said. “I need coffee.”  
“Yeah, me too.” Tommy yawned like a drowsy tiger in the backseat.   
“Down the street over here, but hurry up, we can’t be late.”  
“We won’t, Uncle Colt, I promise.”  
An hour later they were in Flagstaff. Tommy had fallen asleep, Colt had found a classic rock radio station earlier to try to help keep Lena focused on their dark drive to the airport, but he had started drifting off too. Lena had guzzled her coffee and a Red Bull, so when they pulled into Flagstaff Pulliam airport she had to pee so bad it hurt.  
Colt and Tommy waited outside Hertz with a luggage cart for Lena to come out of the bathroom and turn in the Jeep. Security checkpoint, check-in, everything was mindless and everyone was exhausted and not very talkative, but Tommy had fallen deadly silent and Lena knew it was anxiety and worry- he refused to speak except for one or two monotonous words.  
Finally on the plane. Lena had a seat across the aisle from Cole and Tommy, who were sitting near the window. She saw Colt give Tommy a pill, the two of them whispered for a brief moment, then the exchange was over. She pretended not to notice, even as Tommy shot her a brief wary look. Lena closed her eyes and rested back in her seat. The flight to Phoenix was short, and the layover in Phoenix lasted a little over an hour. At last they boarded the plane that would take them home. Lena had talked to Cal while they were in Phoenix to make sure he would be there to pick everybody up.  
“Of course, bitch. See you at 3:30!!”  
A little over four hours later, they were home, back in the ‘burgh. Cal was waiting at the terminal for them, and he had never looked so happy. Lena could see the dark circles around his tired blue eyes-this had been pretty rough for him.  
“Thank fucking God you people are home!” He grabbed Lena and swung her around. “Your mom and Rita are home cooking for you guys. Come on, let’s get the fuck out of here!!”  
After they collected all the bags and suitcases, they piled into the Ridgeline and headed out.  
“So Cal, you take care of the place while I was gone right?!?” Colt sounded like he was going to kill him but he smiled like an idiot kid.  
“Yeah Uncle Colt, I did the best I could. Besides the little fire incident-“  
“Ah that wasn’t your fault anyway…fuckin’ electricians, I think I’m just gonna get my cousin Johnny to fix shit from now on…never had a problem with him. What about the bills, Vince help you out OK on those?”  
“Oh yeah. Vince helped a lot. You can look everything over when you get in. Left it all out on the desk for you.”  
“Alright. Wait, who’s runnin’ the joint now?”  
“Henry’s covering til I- I mean you get back.”  
Lena sat in the back with Tommy, half-listening to everything. She could see Tommy’s mind racing behind his eyes, still he didn’t say a word. It wasn’t until Cal dropped him off at his townhouse that Tommy addressed her.  
“Lee…I know you got other shit to do…but can you pick me up here in a little bit, so we can do some searchin’?” His eyes were so blue in the sunlight.  
“Yeah Tommy, of course. You should come by for dinner at my mom’s too.” He nodded in agreement, and they kissed briefly and he grabbed his bag. He argued with Cal for a moment about dragging his suitcase to the front door, but in the end he was grateful. Lena waved at him as they drove off.  
“Wow, Uncle Colt…he was ready to fight. That sucks.” Cal shook his head and Lena yawned loudly.  
“Yeah…it sucks. But it’s gonna be OK, I ain’t givin’ up on him.” Colt sighed. “He’s not done yet.”  
“He’s determined enough. He won’t lay down and die.” Lena was messing with her phone, and looked up to see Cal watching her from the rear-view mirror.  
“Yeah…and he’s got you to help him, support him.” Cal smiled at her.  
“Yeah, that’s what I was tellin’ her, keep being there for him, he needs her.” Colt laughed. “He doesn’t really listen to me, but he listens to her.”  
“Keep talkin’ about me like I’m not here Uncle Colt,” Lena laughed and socked his shoulder.  
“Hey! You know what I mean, Tommy has issues man. He doesn’t say much but I know how pissed off he is. If I tell him go right, he goes left,” Colt shook his head. “Most of the time I leave him alone. The other trainers in lab were frustrated with him because he listened to them until it was time to spar, and then he did his own thing. But because he’s a powerhouse and implemented a lot of what he was taught they never dropped him. He’s very instinctual.”  
Lena smiled. “Yes he is.”  
Cal groaned, rolling his eyes. “OK let’s get you home Lee, I don’t like that sick smile on your face.”  
At Lena’s apartment, Cal helped her drag her stuff inside.   
“You and me, we got some catching up to do. You come to the gym tomorrow first thing in the morning?”  
Lena smiled and embraced him. “Yeah Cal, if the time changes I’ll let you know.”  
“Well shit, we don’t have much time before spring break is over, and it’s back to school. And I know you weren’t working out while you were gone. At least what I got in mind.” Cal winked at her. “I gotta get Colt to the gym, I’ll see you later?”  
“Yeah, Mom’s at 7, right?”  
Cal shrugged. “Everyone’s coming to my house tonight I guess. See you there.” Lena thought it was strange. Usually her mom held events because her kitchen and dining area was bigger, but maybe it was time for a change of scenery. She set about unpacking, throwing all her dirty clothes in a laundry basket, putting everything back where it belonged. She knew she was going to have to clean out her fridge too, and that really didn’t sound like something she wanted to get to right away.  
The phone started ringing about 20 minutes later-it was Tommy.  
“Hey, I missed you too,” she said.  
“Hey. Can you get over here as soon as possible, please? I think I know where Pop’s hiding out.”  
“Yeah. Have you heard from Brendan?”  
“No. He’s back in Philly today anyway. Couldn’t take more time off work, they already had their spring break there.”  
“He still teaches, wow. Thought he’d be doing something else.” Lena found her car keys and grabbed her purse.  
“Yeah, he loves it, what do I know…”  
“OK I’m on my way.”  
Tommy had her driving all over town. He was sure he was at the mission, he was sure he was at a friend’s house. The later it got, the less sure Tommy was of anything. He sat next to her in the car looking totally dejected. The bright warm sunshine was quickly fading to a beautiful sunset, and they sat in her car in the back lot of the VFW, where everything had begun for them three months ago. It felt like three years with all they’d been through.  
“Well…” Lena sighed.  
“Yeah I know. We gotta get to Cal’s house. Fuck this, I was sure I knew where he was.” Tommy was pissed, quiet and still. The worst kind of anger.  
“Maybe we should skip it-“  
“No way. You need to go see your mom, I ain’t holdin’ you back from that.”  
“Well at least we know he’s not there, I know you thought Rita was hiding him-“  
“Yeah, I still haven’t given up on that.” Tommy sighed. “At least she probably knows where he is. I told Brendan to go talk to her, but he just ignored me like he always does.”  
Lena pulled out of the lot and headed to Cal’s house. There were already three cars there, and Lena knew Vince and Sarah were there with Vince’s big black gangster car out front. Tommy sighed, tried to relax a little. His anxiety was already through the roof.  
She shut the car off and looked him over. He watched her, looking at her sideways, clutching his hurt arm to his chest.  
“You sure you want to go in?”  
Tommy sighed. “Yeah. I can handle it.”  
“Not the answer I was looking for…but OK.” She kissed his temple, his cheek, and he turned his head to catch her lips for a long, lingering, chaste kiss.  
“Love you Lena,” he rasped, and knocked her forehead with his. She laughed out loud, rubbing the spot.  
“Ow! You’re crazy.” She got out of the car and came around as Tommy got out too.  
“Fuck yeah I am.” He took her hand and they walked to the door together. Cal opened the door, laughing about something that was going on inside.  
“Hey you two, come on in.”   
Rita, Vince, and Sarah were sitting at the table, playing cards. Cal and Senna looked busy outside with a BBQ grill, arguing whether the burgers were done or not. Rita looked up at Tommy, smiled briefly and looked down again, seemingly preoccupied with her cards, while Sarah and Vince stood and hugged Tommy and Lena.  
“Christ girl, you couldn’t have come back at a more perfect time!” Vince was happy and drinking wine. “Things sucked. Two kids walked out-“  
“Who?!?” Lena sat down next to him and watched Tommy lean down to Rita and whisper in her ear. She watched Rita turn white.  
“That fuckin’ troublemaker Karina and her friend that just started-“  
“Lisa.”  
“Yeah, that one. Oh well, who gives a damn anyway,” he grumbled, throwing back the rest of his wine. “You’re back now, that’s all that matters.”  
“Everything else OK?” Lena watched Rita get up and follow Tommy to the kitchen, and she started freaking out but was trying to stay calm.  
Vince sighed, stared at Lena and leaned across the table. “Cal was drivin’ me nuts. He wasn’t ready for that much responsibility. He did good though, poor kid. Colt just kinda threw him in there-“  
And as if by magic Cal appeared beside them. “Hey you guys want a burger or a brat?”  
Lena laughed, grabbed his face and kissed his cheek. “I missed you!!” She abruptly stood up and went outside to her mom, who hugged her tight, laughing out loud.  
“Hey Mom, I missed you…are you doing OK?” Lena pulled back to have a look at her.  
Senna was all smiles. “Yeah I’m great. Rita and I have been spending a lot of time together. It’s been good.” She reached into her apron pocket and handed Lena a rumpled piece of paper. It was a letter from David, and the only words she saw were… “coming home the end of August.” Lena jumped up and own and whooped for joy.  
“When did you get this?”  
“Yesterday…I wanted to tell you but,” Senna laughed, “you’re not the only one who likes to surprise people.”  
Lena was ecstatic, almost forgetting about Tommy and Rita in the kitchen. “Mom…what’s going on with Rita? Something’s up.”  
Senna instantly looked guilty. “It’s Paddy. He’s a mess, Lena-“  
“I know, Tommy’s having a heart attack trying to find him.”  
“Well…he can stop looking.”   
“Mom, what’s going on?”  
Senna sighed. “Uh, Rita brought him to our house.” And she shrugged.  
“Mom, you’re hiding him? Do you realize how bad that is?”  
“Shh, will you just quiet down? He needed to dry out somewhere safe, and Rita was afraid he was going back to jail-“  
“Mom he will if he doesn’t show up, his P.O. has been hunting him down, Tommy has been going nuts!”  
“Alright, I’m sorry, OK? Rita asked me to do it, she loves him Lena. She can’t help it, she has for a long time and she was hoping he would straighten out for her-“  
“Mom, you know as well as I do that shit never works, he couldn’t quit to save his own family-“  
“I know that, and I tried to tell her that. But she thinks he still has one more chance, and she wants to help him. I can’t tell her what to do, she’s been my best friend since high school. What would you do?”  
Lena sighed, rubbing her face exasperatedly. Just then Cal burst through the screen door, looking frantic.  
“Lena! Tommy took off!” As Lena approached the back door in a run, Cal grabbed her arm. “What the hell is going on?”  
“Ask our moms!” Lena called back, running out the front door. Tommy was gone already. “Goddammit!!” She didn’t stop, kept running at full tilt to her mom’s house. By the time she got there Tommy was already inside, and she could hear loud male voices coming out of the townhome. Senna’s elderly neighbor opened the door and saw Lena running up the steps.  
“Hey quiet it down or I’m callin’ the cops!” yelled the little old man.  
“OK, OK,” Lena huffed, going inside and slamming the door behind her. She found Tommy and Paddy in the kitchen nose to nose, yelling at each other.  
“Fuck you you motherfucker I had Lena all over town lookin’ for you, the fuck you think this is, tiddlywinks?!?”  
“I ain’t takin’ any shit off you Tommy, not til you show me some goddamn respect for once!”  
“Respect? Oh you want my respect? Don’t you see what you’re doin’? I can’t move an inch without wonderin’ what the fuck you’re gonna do next! You’re s’posed to be doin’ what the courts want, so you don’t get into trouble no more! Instead of runnin’ around town and actin’ up like you’re a teenager!”  
“I’m where I need to be. I haven’t had a drink in days-“  
“Woohoo, some fuckin’ record there.” Tommy rubbed his forehead, exasperated. He looked over at Lena, his eyes blazing with rage. “Did you know about this too?!?”  
Lena held her hands up. She was still out of breath and pouring sweat. “I just found out too Tommy.”  
He glared at her for a moment, then looked back at Paddy, who was now taking a seat at the kitchen table. He looked like a very tired old man.  
“OK Pop. You wanna pull this shit, fine. These are two older women you’re fuckin’ around with, they can’t hold you back from the next bender. What if you lose your shit on them huh? Have you thought about that?”  
“I’m tellin’ you Tommy, I don’t want to drink, don’t want to run. Can you just let me do what I feel I need to, so I can handle this myself?”  
Tommy shook his head, narrowing his eyes. “You’ve proven it to me many times that you can’t do this on your own. You need a doctor –“  
“Fuck doctors, fuck rehab, and fuck you too if you can’t figure it out.” Paddy was quiet and resolved. “I got a doc Rita wants to send me to. I’m goin’ next week. I’m tired, Tommy. Sick of doin’ it everyone else’s way. I wanna do it my way. I did it before…” He looked hard and long at his son. “I can do it again.”  
Tommy heard what Paddy didn’t say, and he looked down, sighing.  
“OK, well…if you’re such a big boy then you can handle your P.O. and everythin' else. You comin’ home ever?”  
Paddy sighed. “Yeah. When I’m ready. You home for good now?”  
“Yeah, until Sparta in six weeks.”  
Paddy shook his head. “Your shoulder won’t be healed by then.”  
Tommy looked resolutely at his father. “Maybe not. But for Sparta it will be.”  
“Son, don’t destroy your shoulder for the money. You know the other fighters will focus on it.”  
Tommy waved his comments away. He wasn’t interested in what Lena knew was the truth. “Alright Pop…so this is it, huh? You gonna call Bren?”  
Paddy nodded. “I’ll make all the calls tomorrow.”  
Tommy stared at him for a long time, then turned on his heel and strode out. Lena followed behind, briefly waving at Paddy, who waved back, watching them leave.  
She had a hard time keeping up with Tommy. “Hey slow down-“  
“No. I won’t slow down. I’m goin’ home. Don’t follow me.” He turned right down the next street and she stopped, watching him walk in blind fury away from her.


	45. Lost Without You

Lena wasn’t sure if she should chase Tommy, or just go back to Rita’s. She stood on the corner as the streetlights came on, watched him until he was far from her. He never looked back. She finally decided to head back to Rita’s. By the time she made it there everyone had already eaten, Rita had gone upstairs to her room, and Vince and Sarah were getting ready to leave.  
“Hey kid,” Vince took her in his arms as she began to cry a little, the stress always made her tear up. “Look it’s gonna be OK. You come back to the restaurant tomorrow whenever you’re ready, awright? Tommy’s a hothead, he needs some space.”  
Cal was standing nearby. “I swear to God I didn’t know Lee. Been so busy I haven’t been sleeping-“  
“Kid, you didn’t come home at all the first three days, y’slept there at the gym!” Vince shook his head, and looked back at Lena. “Get somethin’ to eat and go home, OK? Listen to your Uncle Vince. Don’t be mad at Rita or your mom.”  
Sarah and Vince left. Lena found her mom in the kitchen washing dishes.  
“Mom…”  
“I know. I’m sorry, love.” She dried her hands on the dishtowel. “I feel like I should have told you, and I made the wrong call. Tommy probably hates us all now, huh?”  
“He’ll calm down.” But Lena wasn’t sure. “Look Mom…I’m sorry but I’m exhausted. I’m gonna head home. Sorry the night was a bust.” She hugged her mom tight and headed for the door. She found Cal outside sitting on her car, and he looked like he was smoking.  
“Hey, what the fuck you doin’?”  
Cal tried to pass her what she realized was a joint. “Here, you really should hit this.”  
“No thanks, you know how stupid I get on that shit. Where did you get it?”  
Cal smiled as the smoke curled around his face and head under the streetlight. “Henry. God bless him. I’ve been saving this for tonight, I need to relax and get some sleep and I think this’ll do the trick.”  
“Damn it’s stinky,” Lena laughed, waving the smoke away. “I’m going home, Cal, I can’t take anymore, I’m running on very little sleep-“  
“Yeah and who’s fault is that?” Cal tittered. “Yeah OK, can’t blame ya. I’ll see you in the morning, right?”  
She hugged Cal tight, kissed his cheek. “Yep. Love ya.”  
“Love you too Lee.” He watched her get in the car, then poked his head in her window. “I really am sorry.”  
“You smell like a skunk Cal, get out my window!” Lena laughed, waving him away.  
“Yeah an’ I’m HUNGRY as FUCK!” His deep voice echoed in the street. They laughed together, and then Lena left him standing there as she drove away, waving goodbye. She sighed heavily, knowing she was going to be alone for the night and not sure how to feel about it. She headed into her dark apartment, grabbed her laundry basket and tossed her clothes in the washer in the hallway laundry room. She found her school books and dusted them off to brush up on a few things, but couldn’t focus. The fridge was still nasty but there had to be something in there-she was scrounging around when she heard her cellphone ringing in her purse, and she scrambled to answer it.  
“Lena?”  
“Yes, who’s this?”  
“It’s Brendan, Brendan Conlon?”  
“Oh, hello…”  
“I know you’re wondering why I’m calling you. Sorry to bother you, but I can’t get ahold of Tommy. He messaged me that he found Pop, but now he won’t answer his phone, and…I got your number from Cal. Do you know where Tommy is?”  
Lena sighed. “No, Brendan, I really don’t. I’m assuming he’s home…”  
“Well I’m on my way there, I’ll be there in about three hours-“  
Lena looked at the clock-8:55. Damn the day was over already.  
“Do you know where he found Pop?”  
She laughed softly. “Well, you’re not gonna believe this, but…” She told him everything, the whole story that she had heard and seen. Brendan was so quiet she wasn’t sure if he was still there.  
“Hello?”  
“I, uh, I’m still here…just a little shocked. He was right under my nose the whole time, I can’t believe it.”  
“Yeah. Yep. And it had to be my mom and Cal’s mom…but you have to know Cal didn’t know about it, he would’ve called you…”  
Brendan cleared his throat. “Well I hope so. But I know he was really busy over at Colt’s, I went to see him a couple times. He was goin’ crazy. So…Tommy’s pissed at you right now, he won’t answer if you call. Maybe we should go over there together, what do you think?”  
Lena sighed. “I don’t know Brendan, I think he’ll be even more pissed if we show up together, you know?”  
“Ah, maybe you’re right. Tommy’s pissed no matter what so…I guess it really doesn’t matter now anyway. Well you have my number now, so if you hear anything from him here in the next few hours would you mind letting me know?”  
“Sure, no problem. I’m really sorry-“  
“Don’t be, it’s not your fault. This is so crazy, I don’t know what to do anymore…”  
Lena smiled ruefully. “Me either. Good luck. If I hear anything I’ll get ahold of you.”  
“Thanks a lot, Lena.”  
They hung up. Lena felt she may have betrayed Tommy somehow, but couldn’t be too concerned with it as she was still starving and not thinking correctly. She was about to give up and head to the store when she found a frozen pizza in the freezer. Spinach and artichoke, she thought, yum yum.  
It was around 11 or so when her phone started ringing again. She had taken her applied economics book and laptop to bed with her and was dozing off in a haze of stats and graphs and random numbers when she was jolted awake.  
“Hello?”  
Silence, then, “Hey.” It was Tommy.  
“Hi.” She waited for his next words before she started with a barrage of questions.  
“Look…I know you didn’t do anything wrong. Shouldn’ta taken it out on you.” He cleared his throat. She could tell he’d been drinking. “I’m sorry.”  
Lena cleared the computer and book off her lap and sat up. “Where are you Tommy?”  
He laughed softly. “Funny you’re not the only one who wants to know. Actually I’m headin’ your way.”  
“Oh yeah?” Lena had gotten out of bed and was looking out her window. There was a light rain falling and there was no one out on the street.  
“Yep, just took a long walk. Was across the river havin’ a few drinks. So I’m walkin’ home, thought I’d come see ya.”  
“Tommy how far are you? It’s raining!”  
“Ha ha, I know, I know. I dunno, couple miles I guess.”  
“I’m coming to get you. What are the street names?”  
Tommy laughed loudly. “You worry too much. I’ll be OK, Lena.”  
It took her a while but she finally got it out of him- he was a lot further than a couple miles away. Across the river was already at least six miles away, and he had to be at least four miles from her apartment. She sped off in his direction, into a horrible neighborhood she wouldn’t go into in broad daylight, and found Tommy wandering up the street like it wasn’t raining and he couldn’t possibly get mugged. She pulled up alongside him and threw the door open.  
“GET IN!” she yelled, and Tommy burst into peals of giggles.  
“Wow you’re really serious huh?” He fell into the car, soaking wet. “Thanks babe!” He tried to kiss her and she pulled away.  
“Tommy…what the hell, you crazy walking around here!” She was speeding off and Tommy as still laughing.  
“No one’s gonna fuck with me, c’mon.” He put his hands up, and Lena realized then that he wasn’t wearing the sling.  
“Where’s your sling Tommy?”  
“I dunno, think I lost it back at the bar-“  
“Shit,” she spat. “Where’s the bar?”  
Tommy was shaking his head. “We ain’t goin’ back there…I got tossed out for fightin’, they don’t wanna see me no more.” And he laughed again.  
“Goddammit Tommy.” Lena was speeding, and she knew it was late and the cops would pull her over in a heartbeat if she didn’t slow down. Just then her phone started ringing-she knew it had to be Brendan. She made no move to answer it and Tommy watched her, a silly smile on his face.  
“You gonna answer that?”  
Lena shot him a look. “It’s probably your brother, he’s been looking for you.”  
“Oh yeah?” He grabbed her phone and answered it. “Yeah, hello…yeah it’s me…nope Brendan I found him and he doesn’t wanna come home, so…I tried that…what the fuck you comin’ out here for?...oh great, well you can turn yourself right back around, I don’t need your fuckin’ help.”  
Lena pushed him, not hard but enough to make a point since it was his bad shoulder.  
“Ow, what the fuck? Look I’m almost home, so…yeah fine, fine, but it’ll have to be in the mornin’, you can crash in Pop’s bed, I’m goin’ to Lena’s-,” and he leaned over and winked at her. She shook her head slowly. “OK well I’ll be there to let you in here in a minute.” He hung up on Brendan and handed her the phone. “Can you take me home for a sec?”  
Lena sighed. “Yeah, sure.”  
Brendan was waiting outside the townhome. The rain had stopped for a moment and the air smelled of wet concrete and humidity. Lena sat in the car as she had on short shorts, a spaghetti strap tank, and bunny slippers. She waved at Brendan as he and Tommy had an exchange outside, and then Tommy was coming back down the stairs as Brendan went inside and shut the door.  
“Thank you,” Tommy said, kissing her cheek as he shut the car door. Lena didn’t move a muscle, not even to drive. “What?”  
“Tommy I really don’t know what to do here, I feel like telling you to get out and go home-“  
“I will if you want me to.” He suddenly looked like a wounded animal.  
“But it’s not that easy, is it? This whole thing has been crazy today, and I hate that you turn on me too when I had nothing to do with it-“  
“I know,” he said softly, cutting her off. “And I’m sorry. I just…I needed some time to get my shit together.”  
“And drinking at a bar is getting your shit together? You could just talk to me you know, or find another way to blow off some steam instead of getting into a fight.” She didn’t realize she was on the verge of yelling. Tommy was fishing in his pocket for a bottle of pills that he produced and took one with a bottle of water he found in the console. Lena shook her head. “Gotta stop all this shit Tommy.”  
He sat in silence beside her, his eyes fixed on her. She wasn’t sure what he was thinking and at that point she didn’t care. He had to know she cared about him, he had to know she worried about him. Was it ever going to matter?  
“I told you, I’m sorry. You know what, have a good night, I’m sorry I bothered you.” He was getting out of the car when Lena yanked him by his shirt and he lost his balance, falling back into the seat.  
“Fuck you Tommy, get in the car. You’re coming with me.” Before he had a chance to get out she started driving, and the car door shut on its own. Tommy sat beside her, pissed all over again. “You can be as pissed as you want, you’re not walking away from me twice in one day.”  
Tommy didn’t say another word, just sat quietly as she made the short drive back to her place. He followed her upstairs to her apartment, silent and brooding, still intoxicated and getting worse now that the pills he took were kicking in.  
“You need anything, water, coffee…?” Lena stood in the kitchen, watching Tommy move around her living room. He was headed to the bathroom, and he turned to look back at her. She hated that he could still look so inscrutable at times, and she could not read him. And she hated that she still had to try.  
“No, thank you.” He closed the door and Lena wanted to cry in frustration. Was it ever going to be somewhat normal? Or was this their normal? She refused to let the tears fall. Tommy came out in just his boxers, and despite everything else, Lena just stared. His skin was shiny with the rainwater that had soaked through his clothes, and he raked his fingers through his wet hair. He caught her staring and he almost smirked. “You gotta towel anywhere I can use?”  
It took her a moment to process what he had said, and then she was pulling a folded towel from the laundry basket. It was still warm from the dryer and she held it to her face for a moment as she approached him to hand it to him. Tommy winked at her and rubbed his face with it. Lena stared at him, her eyebrow cocked.  
“You know, I really hope you don’t think your Conlon charm is gonna work for you every time.”  
“Oh I already know…but uh, where am I crashin’?”  
Lena smiled. “Really…you’re kidding, right?” She gestured to her room. “Where would you like to stay, the couch?”  
“Hell no,” he said in a huff and grabbed her up in his arms, “I wanna be all over you.” He swallowed Lena’s lips whole, pushed them open and his tongue was inside, warm and wet and stinging of whisky. Her body reacted despite her wallowing feelings of frustration and hurt-she was no match against his fierce passion for her. “Come to bed with me,” he whispered, pushing his hips against her so she could feel him hard against her.  
“Oh God Tommy, this isn’t fair,” she sighed, walking backwards with him pushing her towards the bed.  
“Nope,” he said softly, and fell on her in the darkness. Her bed was squeaking already. “Need to get a new bed.” Lena was reaching for him in the dark, found the place where her hand fit right inside his boxers to grasp that stiff heavy pole- velvety soft skin, the head wetting already with excitement. Tommy moaned in his throat, pulled her shirt up so he could find her warm breasts to feast on, kissing and nipping-Lena instinctively wrapped her legs around him and he wanted so badly to be inside her, he tore her shorts over to the side and suddenly was pushing inside her, groaning into her kiss. His skin felt hot and soft against hers, she tingled from the friction as he strained hard against her to fill her, she was pinned beneath him and helpless. She heard a tearing sound and he had ripped her shorts up to get to her, fuck her with her clothes still on. He found his feet on the floor and stood up, still inside her, and pumped her body hard-she raised her legs until they were together and he grabbed them with his right arm, pinned them to his chest and continued his assault on her. Lena couldn’t see much in the darkness, she clutched the sheets in a death grip and her entire body stiffened as the orgasm overtook her senses.  
“Tommy…Tommy!” Her cries were sharp and quick, it almost hurt as he dug around inside her and her body flexed hard around him at the same time.  
“Oh fuck,” was all she heard, his raspy voice a dark growl, and she felt all the liquid heat from his body flooding into hers. He stayed motionless for a moment, then he disengaged and disappeared. She felt a towel against her leg and Tommy was falling into bed beside her. She wiped herself up and threw it on the floor somewhere, along with her tattered clothes-she was exhausted and uncaring at the moment. His hand found hers in the dark, he took it to his mouth and dragged her knuckles along his lips.  
“I won’t run from you anymore…pretty sure I’ve said that before.” Tommy was perfectly still in bed beside her, his voice quiet.  
“Yes, you have said that before. I know how you must feel-“  
“Oh you do? Hmm? All I was doin’ was stressin’ out about where my dad was…and even though I knew Rita had somethin’ to do with it I wasn’t prepared for y’mom bein’ involved. Look I’m sorry, I wasn’t pissed at you. Y’understand?” He was on his side now and was caressing her face. “I am tryin’, Lena.”  
She couldn’t see in the dark, all she wanted was to catch his eyes with hers. It was so easy to talk in the dark when faces were obscured and you could almost say anything, especially if you were intoxicated.  
“I know you are. I am too. Every part of this is new to me Tommy…I never really had a serious boyfriend before, nothing even remotely close to this. But one thing I do know, you and I have to try to find the place where you can talk to me no matter how pissed you are…like a safe zone.”  
He chuckled. “I don’t know no safe zones.”  
“We have to try to find one, make one. When I watched you walk away I was heartbroken, I almost chased you-“  
“I’m glad you didn’t. I was way too pissed to try and talk or anythin’. You gotta understand, I never had anyone who gave a shit before…’sides my mom, and she’s been gone a while. Never wanted to talk anyway. I’m supposed to be seein’ a counselor through the V.A. but it’s a bunch of bullshit, I go there, get more pills, go home. That’s all they wanna do is throw pills at me that don’t fuckin’ work…then ask me why I drink.” Tommy laughed bitterly. “I couldn’t give a shit less what they wanna do, everyone’s a number, and that’s all I am to ‘em.” He buried his head on her shoulder and in her hair, and she held him to her, half his body on hers and his legs tangling up with hers. She sighed heavily.  
“It’s OK Tommy, I’m not going anywhere. Even though I wonder why you even bother sometimes when you know I’m gonna get in your ass-“  
“Oh yeah, I always know when I’m in trouble.” She felt his smile against her skin. “But yeah I keep comin’ back cuz I told you, can’t stay away from you. You put some kinda voodoo curse on me or somethin’-“  
Lena laughed out loud and he chuckled softly. “Is that so?”  
“Yeah. But y’know somethin’…” he raised his head and she could barely make out his features. “I’m gonna make it up to you. All this bullshit you go through with your job, and school, and…everything with us…I’ll make it right. I won’t fail you, Lena.” She could hear in his voice his smile was gone. She reached up and caressed his face, ran her fingers into his damp tangled hair.  
“I don’t want you to fail yourself in the process,” she whispered softly, and his hot mouth was on hers again, kissing and probing her with his tongue.  
“You ain’t gotta worry about that doll,” he rasped, and she could feel him getting hard all over again against her thigh. “Takin’ care of you is what I need to do.” Lena was breathless as he swarmed her with kisses and caresses, his body sliding over hers and in between her legs again.  
“Oh my God Tommy,” she whispered loudly, and he was slipping inside her once more, his heavy muscled body flexing against her and pinning her down firmly beneath him. “Oh don’t stop!” How he could be like a rock hard muscled wall, with soft smooth skin taut under her touch, whispers and high-pitched sighs, then deep growling groans and guttural moans, sweet caresses and soft touches, then biting inhaling kisses and hard vicious thrusts-Tommy was every experience she could have with a man, gentle and kind and rough and hurtful-her dark angel, master of her senses, liberator of her deep yearning passion. It was so easy to give up and give in, she arched her body up to his as he filled her over and over, so big she could barely stand it, her body felt stretched tight in every way, and she felt the squirting heat coming from her that made him so wet and slippery as her orgasm uncontrollably barreled through her. Tommy fought to keep it together, she could hear his breathless cries as he neared the edge of insanity. Her bed was practically rocking across the floor, his thrusting was wild and frantic, and she was clawing his lower back, his buttocks so hard against her nails she had to control herself to not dig deep into his flesh.  
“You’re mine, you hear me,” his voice was angry and thunderous suddenly, startling her. “You’re mine!” His last thrust in curled her body upwards and he was shooting deep inside her, holding his breath as his body wracked with the spasms.  
“Forever,” she whispered breathlessly as he fell on her, almost half-asleep already. “Forever Tommy.”


	46. Back In The Burgh

IT WAS SO DARK. He couldn’t see where he was going. Brendan was pulling him across a dark street and through a park, Tommy saw the swings still and motionless in a dim floodlight and moved towards them, breaking away from his brother.  
“Tommy, no!” Brendan grabbed him around the chest and now Tommy started to cry. He was so sleepy. “Just a little farther, we’re almost there.” Brendan kept jogging.  
“Where we goin’?” Tommy sobbed a little now, wrapped around his brother. “Where’s Mommy?”  
“Shhh,” was all Brendan said. Tommy drifted off after a little while, and was awakened as Brendan banged down someone’s door in a neighborhood he barely recognized. Tommy fought to find his feet, and the door opened, a bathrobe-clad woman peering out at them, then a large male form pulling the door open further.  
“Who is it, Rita…Brendan? And Tommy…hey you guys, come on in.”  
“Thanks Uncle Ted.”  
Tommy followed Brendan into the house, unsure of anything and terrified. Brendan had woken him up out of a sound sleep, and for once the house was quiet. He had just had his 7th birthday party that Sunday, and they had school in the morning. He felt so lost and confused.  
“Can Tommy lay down on the couch? I woke him up-“  
“Yeah sure.” The very big man turned to Tommy with a kind smile. “Hey kiddo, come on, you can lay down over here-“  
“I don’t wanna lay down.” Tommy looked angry and grabbed Brendan’s hand for dear life.   
“Come on, Tommy…” Brendan took him into a large room where the light from the kitchen poured in. There was a big comfy looking couch there, and Brendan took Tommy over to it. They sat down together and tears spilled down Tommy’s cheeks again. Brendan looked at his little brother, his eyes showing exhaustion no 11-year old should ever know. “Look…I know you’re upset, I’m sorry I woke you up. But Mom has a plan and she wanted me to get us here. She’ll be here soon, I promise. But it’s OK if you lay down for a while and rest til she gets here.”  
“Where are you goin’?” Tommy sniffed.  
“I’m right here, in the kitchen. Just gonna talk to Auntie Rita and Uncle Ted, OK? It’s gonna be alright, promise. See, look,” Brendan pointed to the kitchen table where Ted and Rita were sitting. “You can see me right there. I’m just gonna go sit over there. OK?”  
Tommy nodded, his big dark blue eyes full of trust for his brother. “OK.” He layed down on the couch and Brendan threw a nearby afghan over him, gave him a little hug and went into the kitchen. Tommy watched his older brother sit at the table with the grown-ups, he heard things like, “has a stash of money” and “planning to leave for a long time”, “family in upstate New York”. Tommy drifted off, and when he woke up there was sand in his eyes, it was so fucking hot. The Humvee was rattling more than normal today, and PFC Jones was driving like shit.  
“Goddamn would you chill out!” Fernandez yelled. “Slow down homie, you’re gonna kill us!”  
“Hey Manny, calm down.” Tommy smiled at him even as his own teeth rattled. Had to set an example after all. “Jones. Step off the gas.”  
“We’re here anyway,” grumbled Manny. The convoy piled out into some desolate village where they knew all the locals. Goats ran away from them, children ran towards them, everything sandy and hot. Tommy and half his platoon were taking over for a watch shift- someone had reported gunfire at night in the village, but after door-to-door searches nothing was found. Now the village was overrun with Army and Marine forces as a result. F-16s were already flying overhead as the other half of Tommy’s platoon piled into the Humvees to get back to base, exhausted from 14 hours of watch.  
“So now what?” Manny laughed as Tommy read the clipboard notes left for him.  
“Now we do what we always do.” Tommy registered his humor but showed stone faced seriousness. “Watch and wait.”  
Manny changed his expression. He knew when Tommy was serious and wouldn’t even tolerate the slightest joke.   
Hours went by. The sun went down. Tommy’s mouth and eyes burned with the hot sand. He had helped the villagers with their well-it had gotten clogged in the last sand storm, and he and Manny got down in the sand with shovels to dig it out. The women were so grateful they tried to give the men a goat.  
“No no,” Tommy smiled his crooked smile for the first time in hours. “It’s OK, it’s OK. Hasan! Hasan.”  
“Damn it man, I need a beer.” Manny coughed and spat dry. The rest of the platoon was trying to set up a communications tent right outside the village.   
“We get back to base in eight hours.” Tommy’s legs were heavy and hurt. “We’ll make it.” He leaned up against the nearest wall with a hot bottle of water and shared it with Manny. He closed his eyes and was drifting off for just a moment, just one tiny moment…  
When he opened his eyes his father was grabbing him off the couch, drunk and yelling.  
“My goddamn kids, Ted, don’t you try to tell me what’s what, get outta the fuckin’ way!!”  
Tommy cried and yelled out, still half-asleep. “Papa no!!”  
“Where’s Ma? Where’s Ma?!?” Brendan was yelling as Paddy shoved him out the front door onto the street.  
“You’re comin’ home, right now Brendan, and shut your mouth!”  
Tommy wept as he was carried slung over his father’s shoulder like a killed animal.  
“I’m sorry Tommy,” Brendan said out loud as they walked in the cold night air.  
“You shut up! Shut up and keep walkin’ do you hear me?”  
Paddy stumbled drunkenly and Tommy felt himself falling, his head hit the hard sidewalk and he wailed. For a moment he didn’t know if he was up or down and suddenly his father’s whisky breath was in his face, and he was yelling.  
“Shut up Tommy, or I’ll give you something to cry about when we get home, you got it?!?”  
“Fuck you! Fuck you you fuckin’ bastard!!” Tommy was sitting up in Lena’s bed, pouring sweat, yelling loudly. He sat perfectly still as he looked around and realized this was real, he was in her bed, and she was rubbing his back and trying to talk to him, soothe him.  
“Lena…” He reached out to her in the dark. He couldn’t look at her yet. The dim streetlight lit the room up enough, but he felt so ashamed.  
“Tommy, baby…you were yelling and I tried to wake you up…”  
“I’m so sorry.” He kissed her hand, held it to his wet face. “I haven’t had a fucked up dream in a while.”  
“Don’t apologize.” Lena wiped his brow with her palm. “You were calling out…Manny and Brendan and Pop…”  
“Yeah yeah, I know…it was one dream after another…” He fell back into bed and took a deep breath. His heart was like a jackhammer.  
“Can I get you anything?” Lena was still sitting up and her hand ran down his chest, his abdomen, back up again.  
“Yeah. Water. Please.” Tommy sighed. “I’m dyin’.”  
Lena got up and headed to the kitchen. The clock read 5:45 AM. The sun would be coming up soon. She started a pot of coffee too, and headed back to the bedroom with the ice clinking in a tall glass of water just for Tommy.  
“Thank you so much,” he growled and drank half of it down. Lena sat patiently, watching him in the distant light, his skin glittering with sweat, his tats and round muscles, the white sheet covering his hips.  
“Tommy…what did you see?”  
He was quiet, set his glass on the nightstand and lay back. “Too much, Lena. Don’t wanna talk about it.” Another deep breath, and now she could see his eyes glinting, catching the sparse light in the room. “Are you comin’ back to bed?”  
“Yeah.” She slowly got in next to him, and he promptly wound around her so tight she almost couldn’t breathe- his face against her neck, his big arms flexing around her, his washboard stomach almost between her thighs as she drew up against him. He held onto her so fast she knew she could never fall back to sleep. His body rattled with the occasional chill and he was damp with sweat. “I love you,” she whispered, and he sighed and held his breath, and she felt him fighting back tears-his entire body spasmed.  
“It’s OK Tommy…” She held him, kissed whatever she could, ear, wet hair, neck, the bulging trap muscles that surged under her lips as he drew her closer and tighter to him, if that was at all possible. She was surprised to find herself drifting off helplessly as his body stilled against hers, his breathing leveled out and she felt herself letting go into a dazed drowsiness.  
“Lena,” he whispered in a hoarse voice, “can I…” And he was hard and pressing against her sex-she moaned softly, brokenly as he pushed into her, groaning in her ear. She rolled back and he was on top, holding himself up on his right arm, his hips pushing and pulling, pushing and pulling. She clawed his back lightly, arching her back so she could bear some of his weight. Tommy just thrusted faster, harder, his breath an angry cough. Lena held her own against his attack, and before she could ever get close to it Tommy was shuddering with orgasmic release, gasping and sweaty against her.  
“Tommy…”she whispered, holding him tight. All she really wanted was sleep, her eyes were heavy and her brain was swimming. “Love you…” And the last thing she remembered was his wet mouth kissing her neck and throat.

The morning was already here. Her cell was ringing loudly, the alarm was going off. Lena felt like she was in the middle of a warzone. She sat up, her eyes glued shut, and found she was alone in the messy bed.  
Shower, gym clothes. 9:30 at the gym with Cal. She was far from excited, but it was long overdue. No word from Tommy, and she tried to shrug it off- it had been a long night, and he had his first official nightmare with her. Tommy liked to run away and hide for a while, she knew he would come back around soon.  
“Well well, just look at you. Bedraggled ass bitch.” Cal was waiting outside Colt’s. “And late. I was almost gonna call you.”   
Lena smirked at him. Of course he looked resplendent in all black UnderArmor and his glorious tan.  
“Good morning to you too.” She walked through the door that Cal held open for her. The music was blaring already, some terrible dance song, and Lena really wished she had some aspirin. Cal signed both of them in- Lena drifted past Henry sitting at the desk trying to talk to her, she honestly didn’t see him. She saw Colt on the floor, talking to Brendan, and she headed towards them.  
“Lena, hey what’s up?” Colt offered a weak smile. He looked exhausted. Brendan gave her a hug, which surprised her a little. Cal came in and everyone said hello again.  
“Uncle Colt, you OK?” Cal sounded worried and maybe a little guilty.  
“Ah yeah, you know, just trying to catch up with everything…not much sleep. But it’s all good. You guys gonna get a work out in huh?”   
“Yeah, this lazy bitch, she needs some exercise.” Cal laughed as Lena socked his arm. “What you doin’ Bren?”  
“I’m gonna spar with the guys downstairs. You comin’ by there later?”  
“Yeah!”  
“Cool. Alright, see ya.” Brendan hugged Lena again, did some handshake thing with Cal, and he and Colt headed off.  
“Bye kids,” Colt waved, and winked at Lena. “Tell Tommy to call me when he gets up and around.”  
“OK Uncle Colt, I will.” Lena winked back. She sighed, wondering where Tommy was.  
“Alright, enough of the bullshit, it’s time to sweat. C’mon girlfriend.” Cal led her to the cardio room to begin the sweet torture.  
Two hours later, Lena was pouring sweat, and as exhausted as she was she was also exhilarated and energized.   
“Thank you. I needed that.” She whipped him with her towel as they walked out the front door, and they stumbled out into the parking lot.  
“We need to get some food. You wanna come with me to the Pita Pit?”  
Lena laughed. “Oh yeah. I need MEAT.” She dug in her purse to find her keys and found her phone vibrating with a text- ‘I’m home. Call me. Love you.’ It was Tommy. If he was home now, she wondered where he had been earlier. Cal drove to the restaurant and they ordered their usual, sat in the car and ate like they’d never seen food before.  
“You workin’ tonight?” Cal had destroyed two chicken pitas, Lena was finishing hers.  
“Yeah, supposed to get to the restaurant this afternoon. What are you doing the rest of the day?”  
“Night class tonight.” Cal winked. “I set up a couple of training sessions later at Colt’s.”  
“Yeah? That’s great!”  
Cal started the truck and headed back to the gym. “I think I’m gonna train fighters, Lena.”  
“What?”  
“Yeah, what I said. Colt wants me to shadow him for a while, says he’ll pay me to train people to fight.” Cal shrugged. “I already know what to do, plus I can strength train and plan meals…it’s a great opportunity.”  
Lena smiled brightly. “Cal that’s great. I always wondered why Colt never asked you in the first place!”  
“Cuz my mom doesn’t want me in the ring, you know that. But I can be in someone’s corner!”  
“Wow that’s awesome.” Lena hugged Cal goodbye. “I gotta split Cal, I need a shower!”  
“Yeah me too. I’ll come up to the restaurant after class, see if you’re around.”  
“OK, love ya.” She got into her car and peeled out, heading home. She contemplated going by Tommy’s but she resisted. Hot shower and clean clothes first. She messaged Tommy –‘Out of the gym, going to get cleaned up.’  
An hour and a half later, Lena was dressed, make up on, ready for work. She chose her white blouse and black skirt, shiny patent black heels, and she sprayed herself down with Calvin Klein’s Euphoria before heading out the door, phone in hand to call Tommy.  
“Hey. Been wantin’ to see you all day.” Tommy’s voice sounded slurred. She wondered if he had been drinking already or if it was the pills.  
“Are you still at Paddy’s? I’m stopping by to see you.” Lena pulled up to the old brownstone.  
“Yeah. What, you goin’ to work?”   
“Yeah, I gotta get to the restaurant. Will you unlock your door please?” Lena laughed, wiggling the doorknob.  
“OK I’m comin’.” After a while the door opened, and Lena hung up the phone. Tommy stood there, no shirt on, in black shorts with his arm bandaged and in a new sling. His lazy smile spread as he looked her up and down.  
“Damn. Look atcha.” He opened the screen door for her to come in. “You look like a doll.”  
She walked inside, aware of Tommy’s hot gaze on her. “Where did you go this morning?” He shut the door and layed against it, watching her.  
“Uh, had to go see a friend of mine. Couldn’t sleep.” He traced his fingers down her face, her neck, to the buttons of her shirt. “You were out, didn’t wanna wake ya.”  
She leaned against his massive frame, ran her hands up his neck. “You can wake me anytime.” She kissed him briefly, holding his face in her hands. He moaned a little against her lips.  
“I could tear these clothes off you y’know.” He bored into her with his intense expression. Lena shivered.  
“Yes, I know.” She smiled as he trapped her hand with his, slid it down his chest and belly to the waistband of his shorts, where she could already feel him surging against her, stiff and warm.  
“Well…got a minute?” His hand was sliding under her skirt to push her panties to the side.  
“Is that all?” Lena pulled his shorts down, and he turned her around to face the wall, hitched her skirt up and yanked her panties down so they fell around her heels.  
“Maybe,” he huffed, guiding himself into her, and they both moaned and sighed as he filled her up almost to the point of pain. Tommy held himself up against the wall and thrusted slowly, wanting so badly to bite her, pull her hair, but resisting.  
“Tommy,” she cried out, reaching behind her to touch him. He grabbed her hand and pressed it against the wall under his. “Harder,” she hissed under her breath, and he reacted instantly, sweating already and panting now as he hit her harder, the wet smacking noises echoing in the foyer. Lena cried out and went still-the orgasm was quick and sharp, making her legs buckle, and Tommy felt like he was getting sucked deep into her body. He yelled some garbled expletive and fell against her, emptying out inside her.  
“Lena…don’t go to work, stay here with me…” His voice was sweet in her ear, and she was so tempted. Instead she straightened out and turned around, kissed him, ran her mouth down his body to his limpening cock, took it in her mouth and sucked it a little, making him wiggle and curse. “Ah! Don’t…”  
She fixed herself up, checked her reflection in the mirror by the door. Tommy stood leaning against the wall watching her, sweated and winded. Her makeup was fucked.  
“If I could I would. What are you going to do tonight?” She gave up trying to fix her face, she had an emergency kit at the restaurant.  
“Don’t know. Brendan told me Tess is bringin’ the kids up tonight and they’re gonna stay here for a week or so…I need to pack up and get out.”  
Lena looked him over. “Yeah? You need my key?”  
Tommy smiled. “Yeah.”  
“I mean you could just break in again, you seem to be really good at that.” She smiled playfully, unringing her key and handing it to him.  
“Ah ha ha.” He kissed her softly. “It’s just temporary, I won’t overstay my welcome,” he whispered.  
“Well we need to figure it out sometime, right?” She wrapped her arms around his ribs and hugged him, her face against his chest. Tommy caressed her hair, kissed the top of her head.  
“Yeah. But…I thought you’d need some time.”  
“No. Just need you.” She stood up tall in her heels and kissed him again. He smelled like clean sweat and musky body wash. “I’ll be home after 9.”  
Tommy glanced up at the clock on the wall-it was 12:30. “OK,” he sighed, and opened the door for her. “Have a good day.”  
Lena took one long look at him as she stood on the brownstone steps. He had that lost little boy look again. She ignored the pang of guilt and blew him a kiss before heading down to the car. As she drove it dawned on her- Tommy Conlon was really moving in with her, tonight.


	47. Love Is Blindness

The restaurant was psychotic. Vince was elbows deep in invoices, the produce order was late, Butch had called in sick three days in a row, and the staff smelled blood and most of them lounged around, lollygagged on their sidework, missed a couple tickets…but as soon as Lena walked in, everyone snapped to.  
“Lena! Thank God.” Vince was dressed in a crisp white shirt, sleeves rolled up, brown vest, brown slacks, pocketwatch. He embraced her with all his might.  
“Unc, you look like a 1940’s gangster.” Lena kissed his cheek and gasped. “OK Boss, can’t breathe…”  
“Oh. Sorry.” Vince pulled back, smiling sheepishly. “Hey, go fix your face in the office. I’ll be there in a minute. Rosa, Petey, get over here!!”  
Lena left Vince to chew out the staff. She found her makeup bag in the desk drawer where she always kept it and started fixing her face up, ran a brush through her hair…and then she noticed the pile of paperwork on the desk, the ashtray full of cigar butts. She sighed, feeling guilty, and started organizing everything.  
“Hey, kid, don’t fuck up my stack.” Vince stood in the doorway, grinning at her. “God I’m glad ta see ya. Don’t ever leave me again.”  
“You said everything was OK, hmm?” She was adding the invoices up on the calculator and opening up her spreadsheets on the computer.  
“Ah don’t gimme hell, huh? I tried. Butch callin’ in didn’t help…ah fuck it, I think he’s comin’ back tonight. He better, got a big party comin’ in tonight, retirement from the Duquesne light company.”  
“Ohhh boy. Boss you sure he’s well?”  
Vince shrugged. “Dunno kid.”  
“Well, who you got in the kitchen now?”  
“Louis.”  
“Louis, the bartender?”  
“Yeah! He’s Portugese, you know he can cook some seafood. He’s bailed me out these past few days. I bartended, can you believe that kid?” Vince laughed. “I still got it.”  
“He looks like a fifteen year old Joseph Gordon Levitt, you needed him out on the bar working the ladies.” Lena winked. “You old dog. You probably got a few numbers didn’t you?”  
Vince shrugged, grinning. “Maybe.”  
“Yeah maybe my ass.” Lena laughed. “OK well I’m sorry I left, I won’t be goin’ anywhere for a while now.”  
“How you and Tommy doin’? He ever calm down the other night?”  
Lena laughed, shaking her head. “Yeah, he did.”  
“See, told ya. Guess he went to Rita’s and apologized to her and your mom today-“  
Lena dropped everything she was doing. “What?!?”  
“Uh, yeah, figured you knew…”  
She stared hard at him. “Tell me.”  
Vince put his hands up. “Hey, don’t shoot me. Rita stopped by earlier, told me Tommy came by early in the mornin’, Sen was there too. He sat down with them and had some coffee, apologized for bein’ an asshole. That’s all I know.”  
Lena couldn’t believe her ears. She heard Tommy’s voice, ‘had to go see a friend of mine’.  
“Really. Wow. OK well….”  
“You OK kid?”  
“Yeah. Yep, I’m good. Just don’t know why he couldn’t tell me.”  
Vince shrugged. “What can I say, Conlon boy, crazy Irish…” He was leaving the office, shaking his head.  
Lena sat for a moment in stunned silence. Then again she wasn’t totally shocked, this was something she wouldn’t put past Tommy now that she knew him better. He wouldn’t have done it if he hadn’t meant it, he had respect for the women, only Lena didn’t realize how much and why.  
She contemplated calling him right then and there, but decided to wait on it until she got home. She wanted to see his face, watch his expression when she hit him with it.  
The rest of the night floated in front of her eyes, Butch coming in looking gaunt and pale but feeling frisky enough to throw some hot buttered rolls at her and run out while she balanced the books, Louis coming in with a Long Island Iced Tea and a flirty smile for her, Vince swaggering in two sheets to the wind at 8:30 telling her he was going to take her out dancing at the James Street Speakeasy. Finally it was 9:45, and she was done with the office, everything filed, recorded, balanced, payroll executed as well. She dug in her purse and saw she had two missed messages on her cell- one from Cal, a picture of him with Brendan in gloves and headgear, the caption read, “BRICK WALL”, and one from Tommy, a pic of a candlelit table with her key on it, the caption read, “waiting for you”. Lena actually got tears in her eyes.  
“Hey kid, you wanna go to the club tonight?” Vince winked at her. “I think Butch and a couple of the kids are goin’.”  
Lena looked up at her uncle standing in the doorway. “No Boss, I gotta split. Can I get a raincheck?”  
“Sure. We gotta go out soon, though…I need to see what’s goin’ on out there, I wanna keep up! You ready to go? Butch and Louis got the place cleaned up, we can jet.”  
“Yeah, we good in here now.” She winked, grabbing her purse and heading towards the back door.  
Lena sat in silence the ride home. She wondered if she could sit on it and wait for Tommy to tell her he went to talk to her mom and Rita. When she pulled up to the apartment, she noticed her windows dark, and wondered if he was still up there. Sure enough, when she opened the door she found candles lit everywhere, and Tommy asleep on the couch in a pair of drawstring pants and nothing else, Homer’s Odyssey on his broad chest. She wanted to commit the picture to memory. His face was blank and peaceful in his slumber, every muscle relaxed, his brow smooth and unfurrowed.  
She knelt down by him and kissed his cheek, his lips, felt him stir. “Hey you,” she whispered, and kissed him again. This time he kissed back, sucking at her lips lazily. She ran her hand gently down his bandaged arm. “How you doin’?”  
“Hmm,” he hummed, and went after her mouth again, his eyes still closed. She knew he had to have taken some meds, he was like a tired bull.  
“Would you like to come to bed?”  
“I got dinner in the stove for ya,” he said, his voice thick and scratchy. He still made no move to get up or open his eyes.  
“Yeah?” She went in to the kitchen and opened the stove-there was a plate wrapped with foil there. She peeked under the foil and saw pasta and broccoli and chicken, and it smelled divine- but she wasn’t hungry, she had eaten already, so she set the plate in the fridge and turned around to find Tommy standing in the hazy candlelight, watching her, his expression dark and brooding.  
“Hey.” She came towards him, held her hand out. He took it, never breaking eye contact.  
“You goin’ to bed,” he asked, but it really wasn’t a question. She wrapped her arms around him, looked up into his face- the candlelight caught in his hair and eyes and he looked ablaze.  
“Thank you Tommy, for the food and the candles…and yes bed sounds great.” She led him into the bedroom, where she saw dark shapes of boxes and duffel bags stacked in a corner. “I’ll go blow out the candles-“  
“No.” Tommy held his hand out to stop her. “I got it. Go get undressed.” He left the room and Lena wondered if he was just drugged or if something had happened and he was upset about something. She almost didn’t want to ask.  
Stripped of all her clothes, her earrings, hair clip, and the damn high heels she fell into a made bed, sheets smelled so fresh they were still warm from the dryer. She wondered what else Tommy had done while she was at work.  
“Lena?” Tommy’s disembodied voice echoed in her room. She tried to focus and could barely make out his hulking frame in her bedroom doorway.  
“Yeah baby?” She patted the bed. “Come here.”  
He stumbled in the dark and fell in bed, hissing from pain. She knew he had to have hurt his shoulder even more somehow.  
“Where are you,” he whispered, and grabbed her, his right hand hot and damp with sweat. She helped him into bed, drew the sheet over him and waited for him to settle before she sprawled across his chest.  
“Thank you for washing the sheets,” she said softly, her lips against the tickling hair and soft fragrant skin of his chest; she inadvertently stumbled on his nipple and played with it between her lips, teased it a little. Tommy sighed heavily, his hand on her hair absently caressing her.  
“It’s OK…your apartment was a mess, doll…jus’ tryin’ to help.” He yawned and snuggled her to him. “G’nite.”  
Lena smiled against his flesh, kissed and caressed him where she could. “Goodnight.”  
She tried to rest, she really did, but she was hypnotized by his heartbeat and sure steady breaths as he fell into a deep sleep. Still couldn’t believe this was real.  
Darkness. Loud chatter on the radio, static. Watch was over, where was the relief? Tommy stood with his platoon on the lookout, waiting for the Humvees to roll over the horizon. Instead all he could see was black desert and millions of stars. It was getting cold, and one of the men asked if they could start a fire.  
“Negative. Kilgore put your lighter up. There are still F-16s in the area, do not call unwanted attention to us.” Tommy’s voice was threatening as he regarded the kid trying to light some dead brush on the sand floor.  
Manny leaned in to Tommy, his voice loud enough so only the two men could hear. “Man you think we should start walkin’?”  
“No. We wait. They’ll be here.” But two hours later there was still no sign of their relief. The men had bunched up around the outer walls of the village and were falling asleep. Tommy was tired of yelling at them. The village was quiet, it was 3AM Iraq time, and he hadn’t had any sleep in over 24 hours, but he remained alert and watchful. He couldn’t believe the big plumes of flames and the subsequent sonic boom of an explosion on the horizon when it happened, but he immediately began yelling to wake everyone up. They awoke and began scattering to seek shelter, grabbing their guns to lock and load. Manny and a few others got down behind an abandoned car outside the village walls and watched some more plumes of flame light up the night sky-these were much closer.  
“JONES! Where’s the white flags? Gimme your kit!!” Tommy found Jones hiding by the wall, holding onto his M16 for dear life. He reached into the pack and found the four carefully folded white flags. “Get these up on the fold-out sticks, now! Fernandez, flare gun!”  
More explosions, closer. The strange screams of the F-16s as they scrambled over the area.  
“Manny, now!!”  
The bombs started to drop. The radios went out completely, Tommy couldn’t get them to work.  
“Sergeant, flare gun misfired!” Manny looked frantic as the flare gun smoked and popped in his hand, nothing happening.  
“Goddammit, Jones give me those flags…” Tommy took one for himself and threw the other two at Manny and another Marine, a skinny white kid from the suburbs named Jimmy Morsey. Tommy would never forget their names, their faces. “Get ‘em up, wave ‘em now, now!!” The F-16’s screamed over head again. Tommy ran out in front and out in the open, Manny following, flying their white flags, and Tommy was shoving him away. “GET DOWN GET DOWN-“  
Tommy’s hearing went out, the light exploded in his eyes, flames blasted him. He felt like he was broken and on fire. When he could finally see, finally open his eyes, he saw wreckage and flames- the village was a pile of burning rubble, his men were gone. Somehow he had been thrown back behind the abandoned car that had somehow survived, most of his outer gear burned away. He checked himself for injuries- bloody ears, eyes and nose bloody and burning but otherwise OK. When he reached what he thought was Manny he realized he couldn’t recognize the person at all, just a charred mess. He pulled the dog tags, bloody tears falling down his cheeks. “JONES, ISAIAH P.” He found another half-burned body, dogtag “KILGORE, RICHARD A.” Tommy staggered around, everywhere flames, pieces of the tattered white flags blowing in the dry desert wind. He heard the F-16s scream past again and he found himself on his belly, unable to move, sure more bombs were coming. But they didn’t. Tommy got up and looked around. His ears hurt so bad, the blood was hot and sticky as it oozed down his neck from the burst eardrums. He ran as he found another body, and another, and another, Morsey, Washington, Carroll, Smith, Mehta…  
“Manny!” he screamed, his voice broken and hoarse. “Manny!!”  
Nothing. No one. Just flames in the night, things on fire everywhere. Tommy found himself wandering outwards, where he and Manny had been, or where he thought they may have been, when the bombs dropped. He found a kit, completely untouched, and not far from that was another body, this one not as burned. Tommy thought he heard some noise coming from it. He knelt down and got a closer look-it was Manny, and he was still alive.  
“Tommy…”  
“Manny! Oh holy shit Manny…” Tommy searched for a flashlight, something, but was empty handed. Not far Tommy could hear the static of a radio, and he frantically searched for it in the dark. “Base come in!! Base this is Staff Sergeant Conlon do you read?” Nothing but static. Tommy looked at his hurt friend. The nearby flames showed Tommy it was a miracle Manny was alive at all.  
“Tom…”  
Tommy tried to hold Manny’s head in his hands. He could see now the middle of Manny’s body was burned and it looked like a gaping hole where his guts should have been. Tommy screamed in frustration, dug through the kit he had found and tried to stuff a cloth in the hole. Manny screamed in pain.  
“Stop Tommy don’t! Please…” His voice gurgled with the thick blood that poured out of his mouth.Tommy pressed his forehead to Manny’s. He was so cold already.  
“Please take care of Pilar…Manny Jr. and Maria…”  
“Dammit Manny no, no…”  
“Love you man…” Manny’s body shook violently and he gasped in a death rattle as Tommy held onto him however he could, silently screaming as tears coursed down his cheeks.  
A disembodied alien voice called out to him from the darkness. “Tommy! Tommy!!” It was Lena. What was she doing there?  
“Tommy please…honey you’re dreaming.”  
Tommy found himself on the floor, holding onto the blanket. “How did I get here?”  
“You were yelling and crying. I tried to grab you, but…”  
Tommy struggled to get up. He stood by the bed, shaken and so cold, and he wrapped the blanket around him.  
“Come here, Tommy.” Lena pleaded with her voice and arms, but Tommy only shook his head.  
“I’m sorry, Lena.” His eyes met hers in the pale moonlight that lit the room gloomily. She could see the hurt he was hiding there, hostile and sad at the same time.  
“What for? Tommy, don’t apologize…just come here, please.”  
“I’m gonna get a drink of water, I’ll be right back.” He exited the room hastily, the blanket still wrapped around his shoulders.  
But he didn’t come right back. Lena waited a while, finally got out of bed and came out to the living room. Tommy was bunched up on the couch, the blanket wrapped around him, an empty glass of water on the coffee table. She sighed, looked at him longingly. It was obvious he was having a bad time with flashbacks and as much as she wanted to go to him and be there for him, she knew he would only push her away. She waited to see if he would make any move, or if he was asleep. Nothing. So she carefully approached him and kissed his exposed forehead, making him jump.  
“You can come back to bed, Tommy. I love you.” She went back to the bedroom and got back into bed. No way was she going back to sleep now, not after hearing him cry the way he did, weeping like the broken man he was and she had never felt so helpless. Lena rested her head on the pillow and her own tears fell unbidden.  
“I do love you so much Tommy,” she whispered, curling into a tighter ball. How was she ever going to help him?


	48. Another Night With You

THE NEXT MORNING Tommy was gone. It was 6:45 and Lena’s alarm was going off like crazy-she hadn’t slept much and she felt awful. She took a quick shower and got her stuff together for the four classes she had that day-Cal was already texting her to make sure she was awake and ready for the gym at 3.  
Lena sat through the first class, dazed and confused. She tried to concentrate, but her mind was elsewhere-where had Tommy gone now? What was he doing? By the time she got out of class at almost 2pm she realized she had hardly absorbed anything she had done that day. She really didn’t want to go to the gym either, but Cal was waiting for her by her car, looking fabulous in dark denim jeans and a tight white shirt that had Colt’s Gym emblazoned across it in bright red.  
“Hey bitch, how are you? You look like shit, you OK?” Cal looked concerned and for a moment Lena wondered how bad she must have really looked to elicit the reaction he gave her.  
“Yeah, I’m OK. So we goin’ to Colt’s or…?”  
“I guess, if you want…you wanna get some food first?” Cal put his hand on her shoulder, looked down into her eyes.  
“Christ Cal, you’re making me really self-conscious, quit it!” Lena laughed but she was feeling defensive. “I can handle a workout. Really.”  
Cal put his hands up. “OK, OK. Hey did you hear Tommy was at my house yesterday?”  
“Yeah, I heard.” Lena grabbed her gym bag from the trunk and threw it in the backseat. “Were you there too?”  
“Yeah but he asked me to give him a minute. I didn’t know if it was really OK to leave, but our moms told me to go…I listened at the door though!” Cal looked thrilled with himself.  
Lena just looked at him. “Yeah, and?”  
“Well he just apologized for being a dick the other day…Sen and my mom apologized for not telling him about Paddy. Then your mom lit into him about you, and I thought I was gonna die laughing.” Cal was cackling with glee.  
“What do you mean, lit into him?” Lena was starting to get upset.  
“You know, stay faithful, don’t lie, and don’t knock you up-God I thought I was gonna wet my pants!”  
Lena hopped in her car and took off, even as Cal was banging on her window telling her to chill out. She drove around the city for a while, trying to calm down. Her cellphone was repeatedly buzzing and she ignored it, wanting to throw it out the window in a fit of rage. She knew she was probably overreacting, but she couldn’t help it.  
Finally she found herself at Rita’s, sitting outside in her car and watching the house. She wanted to knock on the door and see if her mom was there, because she couldn’t go to her mom’s house-Paddy was there, and she didn’t want to fight in front of him, especially about Tommy. So Lena drove off, unsure of how much time she spent out driving and cursing out loud to herself.  
By the time she made it back to her apartment, it was almost 6pm. Her apartment windows were dark, and she was feeling very frustrated and hurt climbing the stairs, expecting to be alone for the evening since she had never heard from Tommy.  
When she opened the door she found him there, sitting on the couch, looking pissed. He was drenched in sweat and had an empty bottle of water in front of him on the coffee table.  
“Where you been?” His voice was deep and commanding. He stood up and his arm was bandaged and bound, a torn up grey shirt barely covering him, grey sweats that were darkened with sweat.  
Lena let the door shut, and she narrowed her eyes at him, preparing for anything. “I left school, I was pissed, I drove around. Where were you?”  
“Out lookin’ for you. Cal called me and was freakin’ out. Said you snapped.” He was approaching her slowly. Lena flattened against the front door.  
“I heard you went to talk to my mom and Rita. I guess my mom read you the riot act. Is that why you were acting strange yesterday?” She took in a deep breath as he closed the distance between them. His cheeks were pink, his eyes more green than blue, dark hair pasted to his forehead. She couldn’t read his expression, but he was shaking his head ‘no’. Lena shrugged, shaking her head, and she sighed. Tommy was so close now she could smell his hot skin.  
“So then, what? Tommy I’m not a mind reader, you’re having nightmares and-“  
He kissed her, pressed himself against her. She arched her back and pressed back, sucked on his bottom lip almost too hard. Tommy pulled back and looked at her, looked away, looked back.  
“Don’t wanna talk now.” He ran his hand up the back of her shirt, unsnapped her bra. “Not yet.” Lena shivered under his warm touch, his eyes like glowing sapphires burning into her. “I’ll take you out after…I’ll tell you everything you wanna know. Just…” He guided her hand under her shirt, and his eyes were almost pleading her.  
Lena couldn’t say no to Tommy if she tried. He was hot and hard to the touch, ready to lick and suck and bite her, eat her alive, ready to get inside her and tirelessly ride her and be ridden, making her come and come again. Lena exploded around him, over him, and he stayed hard and unyielding-when she looked in his eyes they were grey again-he had turned into the cage-fighter, the unbroken line, the hardened veteran. Lena’s nails dug into his back and she drew blood this time, and Tommy didn’t even blink. He rocked her harder, and she was desolate and exhausted beneath him. She almost begged him to come, she didn’t know how much more she could bear. He was like a living machine, endlessly filling her to her breaking point, and the bed was going to give way any moment. Suddenly he cried out, almost screamed-Lena was terrified, but when she pulled back to look at him she could see he had lost control and was finally coming, almost violently, his body trembled and he was crushing her, holding her as his abs tensed rock-hard against her.  
“Tommy…” she whispered, finally able to breathe as he collapsed on top of her, panting. But Tommy didn’t say a word, he was trying to catch his breath. His arm was unbandaged and he held her to him-she could feel the spasms of his sobs as he tried to hold them back.  
“I don’t know where to start,” he whispered.  
“Start where you want,” she whispered back. His wet face rubbed against her neck, and he sniffed loudly.  
“I was on watch, me and half my platoon. I had a bad feeling when we didn’t see our relief comin’, but I didn’t do what I should’ve. The radio worked earlier, I shoulda called in. A lot of people died Lena…and I just took off. I made my way back here, ran like a fuckin’ coward. I didn’t know what else to do. Everythin’ I learned didn’t prepare me for what I saw…I couldn’t save anyone.” He was crying now, quietly but unable to hide it. “Fuck why did it have to be me left alive? I’d just as soon be dead.”  
Lena held him, kissed his face. “Please don’t say that, Tommy.”  
“I’m havin’ nightmares again. I didn’t for a long time, since I met you…but I think it’s cuz of everythin’, not being able to fight, everythin’ with my pop, Brendan…maybe I should be on the crazy pills.” He had eased up a little, he was resting his head on her chest, and he stretched his arms out so she could move, even it was only a little as she was still pinned beneath him. “I saw my nieces again last night, ain’t seen ‘em in a while. I want to be a good uncle but I always come up short. And Pop…Lena I don’t know if he’s where he should be. I’m worried about your mom and Rita. And listen-“ Tommy picked his head up and looked at her. Lena looked at his red lips, his swollen eyes, and she cupped his face in her hands. “-don’t be mad at your mom. She loves you. I went over there to say sorry, and yeah she gave me a piece of her mind. She just wants to make sure I’m for real. I told her we’re movin’ in together.”  
Lena shook her head. “Dammit Tommy, I should have been the one to tell her.”  
“I know…I’m sorry. I thought I was gonna make her feel better but tellin’ her just pissed her off. I wanted her to know I’m serious about you.” He smiled down at her, and she kissed him, tasting the salt of his tears. “They think I’m fuckin’ nuts, you know that right?”  
Lena laughed out loud. “Well I’m fuckin’ nuts too, huh?”  
“That’s kinda what your mom said.” Tommy laughed a little, that silly giggle that didn’t fit the rest of him. “I’m fuckin’ nuts about you.” And then he was growling and biting her neck, his body urging hers to give in again.  
“Tommy…didn’t you say something about food?” Lena half-smiled.  
They took a shower together, got dressed and headed out for a walk to a little Greek diner up the street. Lena called Cal to tell him she was OK and to apologize for taking off. He bitched her out and hung up on her, so she knew she was OK with him.  
“So Brendan and Tess gonna be out here long?” Lena was eating her grilled lamb kebab, while Tommy demolished a gyro.  
“Two weeks, I guess. Brendan’s still in shock about Pop.” Tommy shook his head. “I tried to tell him, Pop can’t be trusted on his own whatsoever.”  
“Well, he had the family to get back to, I understand. I’d love to believe my mom and Rita are gonna be able to get his ass straight-“  
“Yeah, I hope so too. Rita helped him the last time…before I came home.” Tommy’s expression darkened. Lena nudged his foot with hers underneath the rickety table, and he looked up at her.  
“Don’t Tommy. Don’t do that.”  
“What?”  
“Get all quiet on me.” Lena tossed a piece of lettuce at him. “Did you go work out today?”  
“Yeah, a little. Used the stationary bike. Went to see my counselor first thing this morning, and got some new pill that’s supposed to help me calm down and sleep. Gonna try it tonight. Maybe I won’t wake you up.” Tommy winked at her. “But I might just keep you up all night anyway though.”  
Lena smiled, and she knew she was looking how she felt-drained. “Or maybe you and I could just get in bed and just sleep, hmm?”  
He laughed softly. “Yeah maybe. We’ll see.”   
When they came back into the apartment, it was like Lena was looking at it for the first time. Tommy had a few boxes stacked by her bookcase, a few duffel bags in her bedroom that were stacked on top of a few other boxes. He caught her looking around, and he gave her a wary look.  
“I won’t be here long. Just til Tess and Bren leave.”  
Lena walked to him, pressed herself to him, looked up into his eyes. He pressed his full lips to her forehead, then looked down at her.  
“You can stay, Tommy. As long as you want.” Lena kissed his chin and jaw, softly and slowly, and he shivered with the chill that ran down his spine. “I think you should unpack your stuff tomorrow.” Her hands worked under his dark blue thermal shirt to touch and scratch his warm skin. Tommy cleared his throat.  
“I can…just worried about Pop. If he comes home he shouldn’t be alone.”  
Lena was rolling his thermal up and getting down on her knees to kiss his belly, his outstanding obliques.  
“Hmm…we’ll have to cross that bridge when we come to it.” Lena gently bit his skin just above his belt. “Oh Tommy take them off,” she said softly, already working the belt buckle loose and unbuttoning and unzipping his jeans, letting them fall and bunch up around his ankles. She took him in her mouth and hands and attempted to swallow him whole, listening to him moan softly, and cough, hiss, and curse. She loved the smell of his skin, how soft it was while right beneath was massive stone-like muscle.  
“Lena…I love you, you know that right?” It wasn’t a question, just a breathy run –on sentence. She hugged his hips as she sucked, holding him tight, and Tommy leaned forward into her strokes. “C’mon, lemme take you to bed, please.” He reached down to pull her up, and with a loud popping sound she broke the suction on his cock, stood up and quickly slipped out of her clothes. Tommy had her naked and pressed against him, and almost fell with his ankles still trapped up in his jeans. They stumbled to the bedroom, clothes falling along the way, and fell into a messy bed that was sure to get worse.  
"Tommy..." Her voice was hot in his ear as she wrapped around him in a tangle of sheets. "I don't want you to leave..."  
"Hmm," he growled, pushing his way inside of her, and she opened up to him long enough to take him in, then she clamped down on him, making him gasp. "Lena I'm not goin' anywhere..." Tommy was slow, dragging himself in and out deliberately, savoring the heat of her body, every sigh and every tremble. Lena moved with him, loving the crush of him against her, above her, and she tried to wrap her legs around him to no avail-he was so wide and hulking she just strained against him- her thigh muscles shook and she soaked his skin with her juices. She took his breath in a kiss, biting his bottom lip almost too hard, and he groaned as his sweat ran down and sealed their skin in a wet blur. Too close wasn't close enough. Lena writhed beneath him, she was so close now but he wasn't showing any sign of speeding up, in fact he slowed down to a deep grind inside her, making her yelp with slight pain and intense pleasure. She looked up into his eyes, blue then green then grey again, his skin bright and ruddy, and his forehead pressed against hers as he groaned again, louder, bearing down on her in every way possible-Tommy's piercing animalistic glare always gave her the chills.  
"I wanna live in there Lena," he growled, pushing as deep and slow as he could, making her cry out and come uncontrollably. "Don't ever wanna leave." She stuttered and shook and arched backwards, bending against his weight, and she unwittingly pulled a pillow down and screamed his name into it, blindly flailing against him.  
"Tommy! Don't stop, ah...I can't bear it, please don't stop!" It was so intense she thought she was going insane. Tommy finally sped up and rocked her spot hard and fast, and she squirted like a geyser against him, coming over and over, clawing at hard bulging muscle all over his body, wherever she could reach. He let loose with a string of curses in his deep silky voice and she felt him spasming inside her, all around her-she opened her eyes and looked right into his blatantly hostile stare.  
"Goddammit Lena," he huffed, sweat dripping off his nose onto her cheek, "I can't get enough of you." He kissed her softly and fell on top of her, crushing her mercilessly for a moment, then rolled off onto his back.  
"Tommy...you have to let me get on top from now on, you gotta rest your shoulder."  
Tommy scoffed. "They didn't tell me I couldn't have sex, Lena."  
Lena laid beside him, her skin pressed to his, both of them panting and sweated. She wanted to argue with him, but she knew it was pointless.  
"OK Boss." She smiled and loomed over him in the faint light. "Be right back." She tried to stand and her legs gave out, and she fell back onto the bed. Tommy laughed snarkily. "You hush." She got into the bathroom and shut the door, lowering herself down gingerly on the seat, and she just happened to look down into the trash can-she saw a little needle there, used and capped. She deftly looked around the bathroom on a quick search, and found a little black bottle that she knew contained HGH.  
"You comin' outta there?" Tommy asked, knocking on the door.   
"Yeah, comin'." She flushed the toilet and washed her hands, unsure if she was going to say something or not. She couldn't fault him but she knew it could mean trouble with the UFC. She decided to play it cool and act like she hadn't seen anything. When she opened the door it was as if Tommy could read her mind. He looked down at her imperiously. He operated on almost 100% instinct, and she wondered how long she would be able to keep her mouth shut.   
"C'mon little girl," he winked and slapped her ass. "I was about to piss out your window."  
"Real nice," she said with a smile. The door shut and she giggled at the thought of it. Her neighbors would love it.  
Lena dug through her fridge and found some cold wine from some forgotten time. Had to still be good, or so she hoped. She was sipping a glass and staring out her kitchen window, when Tommy came up behind her and embraced her, took the glass away for a moment, then gave it back empty.  
"Oh thanks." She laughed as he refilled her glass, then drained the bottle. He was moving his arm well without the sling, he only had the bandage on to keep it tight and restrict his movement somewhat.  
"Mmm, you're welcome."  
Lena turned into his embrace, his salty sticky skin against hers. "I have a big day tomorrow, class, gym, work. What are you gonna do?"  
Tommy sighed. "Well I'm supposed to hang out with Brendan and Tess, the kids...and another doctor appointment tomorrow, gonna see if I'll be ready to fight Castanho in a week or so."  
Lena kissed his cheek, nuzzled his jaw. "You need me to drop you off anywhere in the morning?"  
"Nah. Colt's gonna be here in the mornin'. I guess you got all that goin' on...I'm not sure when I'll see ya." His voice was soothing and erotic to her, and she layed her head on his chest to listen to it. "Dinner, maybe?"  
"Yeah...I'll bring something home from Vince's. Chicken? Shrimp? Steak?"  
Tommy was gently rocking her, holding her to him like a prized possession. "I don't care. Whatever you want." He kissed the top of her head. "I think I gotta go lay down doll...I took one of them stupid pills."  
Lena looked up into his face, and she could see the haze overtaking him. She wondered if it was always going to be this way, pills and alcohol lulling Tommy enough to rest.  
"C'mon baby." She took his hand, his palm warm and callused from the gym, and led him into the bedroom. He flopped on the bed and she drew the covers around him, kissed his warm full lips sweetly, and he lazily tried to pull her down on top of him. "I'm getting in ..." She crawled in beside him and curled up to his right side, he grasped and held her in the dark and they were both asleep in minutes.


	49. Fix You

THE NEXT MORNING. Tommy was gone again, and it was only 6:15 AM. Lena rolled over in bed and shut off her alarm, cursed the dawn breaking through her blinds, and got out of bed to get in the shower. The bathroom was still warm and moist from Tommy's shower-she could smell his body wash and musky citrus cologne lingering in the air. It was so very nice but only made her miss him that much more.  
Class was a welcome distraction to the noise and chatter in her head-she had aced her mid-terms somehow, despite everything that had been going on in her life she had managed to study hard enough to make it that far.  
Cal was waiting for her by her car in between classes-he had a bag from the grocery store with fruit, nuts, cheese, and of course grilled chicken. Lena gratefully accepted his gift, and they sat at a bench, eating quietly. Cal looked pissed, but it didn't keep Lena from trying to talk to him.   
"Look," he finally said with a sigh. "I want you to know, I'm not pissed that you almost ran me over yesterday. I'm not even mad that you disappeared. I just wish you would have talked to me first. I'm your brother, remember?" Lena swore she saw tears in his eyes. "Now that Tommy is around it's like you don't need me or something."  
Lena stopped what she was doing and grabbed his hand.  
"Cal. You and I are inseparable. No matter whether you have a boyfriend, or I do, or we both do. I will always need you! Cal I couldn't imagine my life without you in it."  
"Yeah," he sniffed, pulling his hand back. "That's what everybody says, then they dump their friends and family...and you know what? Tommy isn't close to anyone. No one. How the fuck is he close to you? Are you gonna sit there and tell me he's cool with you, doesn't hurt you or ignore you, or anything? Hmm?"  
"No, Cal. Tommy doesn't hurt me, or ignore me. One moment he's a lost little kid, then he shuts down and can't talk for a while. Other times he's funny and relaxed. But yeah he has problems. We're trying to work through them. Have a little faith, at least in me, huh?"  
Cal scoffed. "There's something about him, Lena...I dunno, can't trust him all the way. Maybe cuz I'm close with Brendan, I hear shit from him, I see something you don't."  
Lena sat back against the bench and regarded him. "Yeah? Like what?"  
"Just the fact that after Sparta Tommy wouldn't take anything from Brendan, he gave all his share to Manny's wife, and then even after Bren begged him Tommy still wouldn't go to any doctor except the V.A. Tommy could've had better treatment for his shoulder and the PTSD but he's so fuckin' stubborn. That bothers me. He's proud and stubborn, and that can be a problem, Lena. His drinking bothers me. His anger bothers me. His relationship with his family is so fucked up, Lena, don't tell me you haven't noticed it, c'mon! And that bugs the living fuck out of me too."  
"Of course I have, been up close to see Paddy and that situation, which is one of the things we're trying to work out."  
Cal sighed. "Yeah, my mom is trying to help him...so far so good. But who knows?"  
"You know he has slight dementia, right Cal? Tommy is really worried about the whole deal."  
"Well Paddy needs help, and my mom has helped him before...I want it to work, so things can go back to normal. Believe me, all I want is things to level back out...it's been so hectic and crazy." Cal looked at her, his big blue eyes were sad, anxious and tired. "I think I need a vacation!" And he laughed bitterly.  
"Maybe you should take a few days Cal-"  
"Yeah? And what am I gonna do? We always did shit together, Lee. Where am I gonna go?"  
"Why don't you go to Brendan's for a few days? Like when he goes back, maybe you should drive out too. Just take a few days off and go to Philly."  
Cal smiled weakly. "I may not want to come back."  
"Ahhh, you'll come back. If you don't I'll come and get you!!"  
They hugged briefly, and Lena looked at her watch. "Shit I'm late!!"  
"Get outta here. Love you."  
"I love you too Cal. And I am sorry if I've been an asshole to you. I will make it up to you, we'll go have a date. Speaking of which, we going to the gym later?"  
"Uh yeah bitch! You get out at 3, I will meet you at Colt's. The weights ain't gonna lift themselves."  
"OK! Check you later!"  
IT WAS 2:30 when Lena was getting back into her car, and she checked her phone, finding pictures from Tommy, one of him with his nieces, two beautiful little girls, playing with bubbles, another of a plate of barbecued hamburgers, captioned- "Bren told me to save you some. Nahhh...;) "  
Lena laughed, happy that at least it seemed Tommy was having a good time. She drove to the gym and readied for war with Cal.  
5:35 PM, and she was busting the back door down at Vince's. The place was packed already. She was still wet from the gym shower. Butch finally let her in, bitching at her for being late, and she pulled her wet hair up in a bun and dragged some make-up across her face, and began her shift in the unending craziness of the restaurant.  
8:45 and the bar was still busy. Louis was serving customers and trying to close up at the same time-since it was a weeknight the restaurant closed at 9:30. Butch had closed the kitchen, it was just a few paesanos from around the way keeping Louis busy with their grappas.  
Lena was in the office, balancing the servers tickets, when Butch came in the office, soaked with dishwater and grill cleaner.  
"'Ey, Lee, that Tommy guy is here."  
"Where, here?"  
"No, ya dumbass," Butch threw a dirty towel at her. "Of course here!"  
"Well fuck you, thank you,"she laughed, heading to the front. Sure enough there was Tommy, Carhartt jacket and tight black jeans, toothpick and trademark sinister stare. Lena was in tight black slacks and a plain but pretty white button up shirt, and her high heels clicked on the wooden floor as she approached him. He watched her out of his sideways stare, eating her up. The flush in her face spread to her neck and chest as she walked up on him. The two older Italian men at the bar smiled at her.  
"Lena! Where you been, babe?" The oldest one held his arm out to her, and she went into his half embrace.  
"Hey Dino, how you doin'?"  
"Eh, I'm alright kid, just old ya know?" He gestured to Tommy. "You know this guy?"  
Lena smiled. "Yeah, he's my boyfriend."  
Tommy stood and extended his hand to the old man, almost smiling. "Tommy Conlon."  
"Ahh I knew it, I saw the way you was lookin' at him." Dino grabbed Tommy's hand. "You got a good one here pal. She's a catch."  
Tommy smiled finally, winked at Lena. "I know it." He pulled her towards him and whispered in her ear. "I wanna take you home and fuck you."  
Lena shivered. She was looking right at Dino, who was smiling a toothless grin at her. She cleared her throat and said, "I'm almost done back there, Tommy, just a little longer."  
When she pulled back she could smell the grappa on him. His eyes were hazy and he was half-smiling at her. He sat down on his barstool a little too heavily.  
"Louis? Did you give Tommy one of your knock-outs?" She looked at the cute little devil behind the bar, who winked at her.  
"Maaaayyyybe."  
"Alright Tommy, just a few minutes, OK?"  
"Sure. Sure." He pulled her close once more, kissed her cheek. "Hurry."  
Lena looked into his eyes, blue in the bar light. She was smiling like a ninny, and the two old Italians laughed quietly next to Tommy, watching them.  
"OK be right back. Be nice to him Dino!" She waved at them as she turned to leave.  
"Who, me?" Dino and his friend laughed out loud.  
Vince was waiting in the back office, smoking a cigar. Even with the back window open it still stunk. Lena wrinkled her nose.  
"Hey Bossman." She collected the tickets she had spread out on the desk.  
"Hey, Lena. Look," he stubbed out his cigar and took a swig of his gin and tonic, "I wanna tell ya somethin'."  
Lena braced herself, waiting for anything. She totalled out the tickets and entered them in the computer.  
"I got all the paperwork . I'm about to buy out this restaurant. Make it all mine."  
Lena turned in her chair to look at him. He looked serious, his face drawn in tight lines.  
"When you done with school anyways?"  
"I graduate in the fall. I hope." She winked and smiled, but Vince didn't smile back.  
"Awright. You get your diploma then you sign the contract. Partner." He extended his hand to her, and she shook it, her face a blank stare of shock.  
"Why not Butch, Boss?"  
"Nah. I mean he's gonna profit share, but...no kid, you're blood. I need you, your smarts, your youth. Need someone to help me keep this place in shape and the vibe fresh. Plus I'm gonna expand the building next year, bigger bar, dance floor, banquet hall to host parties an' weddings an' shit." Vince leaned over her as she worked on the computer. "We're doin' pretty good but we could be doin' better...I'm tired of Lou raidin' the bank account. He needs out."  
"I gotcha Unc. And I really appreciate it, thank you so much. I feel a little overwhelmed!"  
"Well shit, don't tell me that!" Vince laughed, standing up straight and throwing the rest of his drink back. "Hey, get outta here. I saw that crazy Irish out there waitin' for ya. I got this."  
Lena typed the rest of the invoice from the liquor delivery, hit save and stood up. "Guess what, Unc? I'm done. Ha!" She kissed his cheek. "I love ya, I'll see ya tomorrow."  
"Awright kid, love ya too."  
She strutted out to the bar, where Tommy was giggling at the two old Italian men singing "Strangers in the Night" drunkenly and off key. Louis was cleaning glasses behind the bar, smiling and singing too. Tommy had three empty cognac glasses in front of him, and she could see he was feeling no pain.  
"Hey. I hate to break up the party, but..." Lena lowered down to whisper in Tommy's ear, and the two onlookers made some racket. "Tommy....take me home, I wanna suck your cock."  
She pulled back,, smiling, and Tommy was turning pink, glaring at her through the fuzzy grappa haze. He reached out to stroke her long curled brown hair, his eyes turning feral.  
"Goodnight boys," she said, hugging Dino and his buddy, "you need to get home too!"  
"If I had someone like you waitin' for me I'd already be there, Lena!"  
She waved at them, chuckling, and pulled Tommy out with her, dragging him through the closed kitchen to the back door. She could hear Vince and Butch talking in low tones in the office, and Tommy looked around, disoriented in the dim light and unaware of his surroundings.  
"Where we goin'?"  
"To my car." She pulled him outside and shut the back door, locking it up with him pinned between it and her, and she pressed against him and kissed him hard, biting insistently at his lips and sucking them into her mouth. Tommy reacted instantly, grabbing her and leaning back against the door, his passion matching hers. He took her hand and pressed it to his zipper, where she could feel it being stretched to its limit as he grew harder and fuller against her rubbing hand. She unzipped it and he sprang free, full and heavy in her palm, and he groaned out loud.  
"I don't wanna wait til we get home, I want you now." Tommy was red hot. He turned her around so he had her pinned against the door this time. Lena looked around- they were directly under a light on the back step, the parking lot had four cars-Butch, Louis, Vince and her own. She knew the odds of Louis trying to come out soon were very good.  
"C'mon, lets get to my place-"  
"Hmm mmm, no way," he growled, biting and kissing her neck, pushing his body hard to hers. "Fuck you right here..."  
And then she heard the lock click. Tommy pulled her towards him so the door could open, and Louis squeezed out. Tommy didn't let go of Lena, just held her tight against him, and openly stared at Louis, who looked almost terrified.  
"Oh hey guys...uh, see ya later!" He scampered off to his car and Lena felt terrible.  
"Bye Louis!!" She waved as his car sped off. "Tommy you looked like you were gonna kill him."  
Tommy shrugged, his eyes fixed back on her now.   
"Can we go home, please baby?"   
"Eh. I guess." He let her go, zipping his pants up. "You got anything to drink there?"  
Lena shook her head. "Darlin' I think you've had enough."  
Tommy looked like he had been slapped. "I think I can make that decision on my own."  
"OK." Lena started down the steps but Tommy stood still. She stood by her car and stared at him standing under the light, his hulking shadow cast back against the door. "You comin'?"  
Tommy didn't move, didn't speak. Finally, "Nah. I wanna walk."  
Lena felt shocked and stung. "Really? All the way home from here?"  
He regarded her silently, then made his way down the stairs.  
"Yeah. I'll see you at home. Gonna stop at the liquor store on the way."  
"Tommy, I can drive you-" But she watched him walk on, wave his hand at her and disappear in the night.  
She drove down the street but couldn't find him, he had already turned down an alley or something.   
"Fuck, guess maybe Cal was right." Lena made her way home, mumbling to herself, feeling stunned, her eyes on the search for Tommy's frame on the street, but she came up empty by the time she pulled into her apartment parking lot.  
She was in her apartment at 10 PM and in bed by 11:30, tired of waiting for him. If he came home, then he came home...she tried not to worry about it, but there was no sleep to be had.


	50. Sweet Troubled Soul

7AM and her alarm was going off. Tommy was wrapped around her and Lena was shocked to be in his arms, not remembering any moment when he had come home and crawled in bed with her.  
She snapped off her alarm clock, and Tommy sleepily sighed and stretched, wrapping back around her tightly. His stubbly chin scratched her shoulder and she found his mouth to kiss, his cheek, his jaw. He smelled of alcohol and Lena felt like she was going to cry.  
"Tommy..." She tried to extract herself but Tommy wasn't letting go. He grumbled and cussed in his sleep, and finally she broke out of his death grip.  
"Don't...come back."  
Lena looked back at him, at his blurry eyes barely open, his dark hair tousled, his wrapped arm reaching for her.  
"I have to get to class," she whispered.  
Tommy said nothing, just let his arm drop down. "I'm gonna wait right here for you...you comin' home after?" His voice was a smoky slither, it took all she had not to crawl in with him and sleep with him, fuck him, love him, yell at him for always trying to estrange her.  
"I dunno...are you gonna be here for real?"  
Tommy pulled his eyes open, dark blue in a sea of bloodshot. "I ain't goin' nowhere."   
"OK." She smiled weakly, turned and headed for the shower.  
As Lena got ready to leave she heard Tommy stirring in his sleep, his voice breaking as if in a sob, a whisper, a silent scream. She went in to him and found him curled in a ball, the sheet kicked away, and his skin glistening with sweat. He was shivering.  
"Tommy....Tommy?" Lena sat beside him and touched his arm, bandaged as it was, and she gently shook him, dimly remembering reading somewhere that you should never wake someone up who is having a nightmare or sleepwalking. He was startled awake and openly stared at her, and she wasn't altogether sure that he was fully awake or that he recognized her. She touched his face and he didn't move a muscle-she leaned in to kiss him and still no reaction, just a hostile stare.  
"I love you." She looked back at him, unsure what she should do. After an eternity of uncomfortable silence she got up and left-Tommy had still not moved from the tight ball he had made of himself, and Lena didn't really want to leave him, but she was already running late.  
Three classes, plus she had to hit the library. Cal was M.I.A, but she knew he only had one early class that day. Vince was messaging her to come in to cover a shift that night, but she really didn't know what to do-she wanted it to be a night for her and Tommy to have together, no distractions.  
It was noon-she was starving. She cut out of the library and headed to her car, her phone buzzing incessantly- Cal wanting to meet at the gym, Vince needing an answer. She finally gave in to Vince but told Cal it would have to wait til tomorrow. She passed a sub shop and picked up lunch for her and Tommy, and headed back to her apartment.  
Lena was practically running up the stairs to get inside-a warm drizzle had started out of nowhere. She fumbled the key in the lock and finally got the door open, only to find Brendan and Tommy sitting at her table, talking in low tones.  
"Hey." She slowly approached the table, Brendan smiling warmly at her and Tommy looking guilty somehow.  
"Hi Lena," Brendan said and hugged her. She watched Tommy over Brendan's shoulder-he just looked down at his feet.  
"Tommy." Lena went to him, wrapped her arms around his ribs-she could feel his skin prickle through his thin shirt-the moisture on her skin was enough to make him break out in a shiver. She kissed his lips, full but dry against hers.  
"Hey. Me an' Bren were catchin' up..." He looked so tired, dark circles under his storm-grey eyes. The tension in the air was thick, and Lena felt she had interrupted something.  
"You guys need me to clear out? I don't want to interrupt-"  
Brendan cut her off. "No no, Lena, this is your apartment, I would never ask you to leave. I was gettin' ready to go anyway, go see Pop. You guys comin' by for dinner tonight? Or we could go out..."  
Tommy fixed him with a steely gaze. "I'll give ya a call Bren. Thanks."  
"Alright." Brendan smiled at Lena. "Maybe see you two tonight. See ya." And he left. Lena watched the door shut and then looked back at Tommy-he was rubbing his face, either in frustration or exhaustion, or both.  
"Everything OK, Tommy?" Lena dropped her laptop case and book bag on the couch, and sidled up to him.  
"Hmm, yeah." He immediately took her in his arms and she was crushed against his firm body.  
"How did your doctor appointment go yesterday? I never got a chance to ask you about it."  
"Yeah, I know, I know...it's lookin' like I'm gonna be fightin' soon. Lena..." Tommy sighed deeply. "I'm a fuckin' asshole, I never shoulda left you last night. Don't even know why I did it...fuckin' drunk."  
"Tommy, you know I love you. But I'm worried about you."  
He held her tighter, if only to keep her from looking at him-he couldn't bear to look in her eyes, not then.  
"Don't shut me out..." Her voice was a soft whisper against his ear- it made him shudder.  
"I was fucked up," he said, his voice a rubble and silk mix. "I need to stop drinkin'. The pills are makin' it worse. I don't know how I got home last night."  
Lena sighed, her body melting into his. "Ahh Tommy..."  
"I know, Lena...I don't know what the fuck I'm doin'...I wanna make this work but...I feel like I'm gonna wreck it."  
"You"re trying, baby." She kissed his warm neck, soft skin with a thick thread of muscle beneath. "But I won't give up on you Tommy...I love you. I'm tied to you forever. I know you're scared. I am too. I can't help you if you won't let me."  
"That's just it, innit? Don't know how. I'm afraid I'm gonna fuck you up too."  
"Tommy, I can handle myself. Please." Lena pulled back so she could look at him. His face was drawn, he was emotionally exhausted, physically drained. "Look, I gotta work tonight. I brought us some lunch-"  
"Don't want no lunch." He was playing with her hair, biting his lip, and his eyes had that funny look to them, letting her know she was in trouble. She couldn't stop herself, she had her hands on his biceps and working up to his shoulders.  
"Tommy..."She was going to say something else but his mouth was on hers, a soft warm kiss, and Lena kept her eyes open, watching his fluttering closed, then opening again to look back at her.  
"I love you so much it hurts," he whispered, and the ocean inside Tommy turned his eyes a shade of sea green as the tides pulled him closer and closer to her. Lena's breath caught in her throat, she swore she felt the room shimmering and fading as if it were all an illusion- the only thing real was Tommy, his soft grey shirt slipping off his warm hard frame, his rough sandy-feeling hands finding ways to take her clothes off so he could touch her bare skin, his hungry all-consuming mouth on hers and his eyes glowing and burning into her all his emotion, his passion, his desire, his pain, and his voice that sounded like soft sinuous silk and a fine-tuned motor at the same time, saying her name, sighing and whispering in her ear.  
Tommy pressed against her, crushed her a little, pushed up inside her, kissing her and stealing her breath away. He wanted more and more, and she was helplessly giving it to him-the bed finally broke away from the brass headboard and the mattress spilled out onto the floor with them on it, but Tommy didn't stop-he regained his balance and kept driving into her, making her body tighten hard against him and then release in waves of agony and ecstasy-she couldn't stop the waterfall if she tried. Tommy was sliding against her, his cock was like a battering ram and he was making such noises she thought he was crying or in pain, but when he lifted his head off her shoulder she could see the unabashed euphoria on his face, in his eyes. It made her come again seeing his release, feeling him spasming inside her and his subsequent moans and cries, she froze against him as another orgasm over took her and swallowed her whole into the void of blind pleasure like she had never known, except with him.  
"Tommy oh my God Tommy..." she was totally out of breath, laying with his body crumpled on top of her, holding his hot sweaty head in her hands.  
"All I want is you...never gonna lose you Lena..." he was whispering in between gasps of air, his heart jackhammering against his ribs. He opened his eyes but realized it was futile to try to focus now. "You're mine."  
Lena looked up into his stormy grey eyes, hints of blue and green peeking out. He needed to rest, she could see the purple circles around his puffy eyes. Sweat beaded and ran down his face onto her, she kissed his swollen dark pink lips. No one should look as angelic as he did as tired as he was, but Tommy always pulled it off so well. She cursed the fact that she had to leave again soon...a real vacation together was starting to sound good.


	51. Tu Eres Mi Luz En La Oscuridad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You Are My Light In The Dark

LATER. Lena was at the restaurant, running circles around the servers and taking care of all the customers, most of whom were regulars and were happy to see her. But she was troubled inside, a part of her was still there in the apartment with Tommy, she could feel herself inexplicably deconstructing. She couldn't figure it out and she really didn't have time to think about it with the dinner rush bearing down on her.  
Suddenly it was closing time, and Lena was back in the office closing the tickets out and adding up the deposit. Vince stood in the doorway and watched her, and she had been so focused on her tasks, not looking up, she had never noticed, until he cleared his throat.  
"Jesus Vince! You scared me. How long you been standing there?"  
Vince narrowed his eyes at her. "What's goin' on witchu Lena?"  
Lena looked back at him, the pokerface sliding on. "Nothin' boss. Why?"  
"Cuz you been actin' strange all night and I know somethin's up. So what is it?"  
Lena cursed inwardly. "Did I do something wrong?"  
"Nope. You just ain't right." He sat down in the chair she normally sat in. "I ain't gonna push ya. But if you need to talk I'm here kid."  
"OK. Thanks. But I'm good. Really."  
Vince stared at her for a moment, shook his head then stood up. "You take the day off tomorrow kid. I don't wanna see you in here. Fuckin' study or somethin', I dunno. I'm gonna go check on Butch, he about burned his beard off tonight, Jesus Christ guy's a mess..." Vince was already gone, his voice floating behind him.  
Lena sat for a moment, thinking she had it under control, she had everybody fooled tonight, including herself. What gave it all away? And what was she feeling anyway? She hated the ambiguous disconnected feelings, like strange waves in a dark unknown water. The estrangement she felt towards herself was deep, yet she managed to put on a good show, or so she thought.  
Driving home, she pondered on it some more, knowing it was more than Tommy, but it did include him. Her thought process was muddied by her confusion, so she just tried to shut it out and get back to her apartment so she could study for a while, find a semblance of something concrete in her disjointed mind.  
Tommy wasn't home, though. He had left a note for her, telling her he had gone to dinner with Brendan. She wondered how they were really getting along, it seemed tense and precarious when she had walked in on them earlier in the day.  
Lena got into something more comfortable, made some tea, and declared war on her books. The smell of vanilla and cinnamon from the chai spice she was brewing comforted her and she started to find her balance again.  
Tommy came in around 11, looking irritated.  
"Hey," he muttered, pulling his wet lugboots off. He was wet from the rain that apparently was coming down outside-she hadn't heard it at all.  
"Hey you." She got up and got him a towel, and handed it to him as he kept stripping at the door.  
"Thank you." He briefly looked at her, then looked away again. He was down to his boxer briefs, a wet tank top and his bandaged arm, and he vigorously rubbed his head with the towel, threw it down on his pile of clothes, and immediately grabbed her, holding her tight and kissing her as if they hadn't seen each other in forever.  
"Tommy..."  
"Hmmmm." His hot mouth was against her neck, feasting on her. Lena was falling backwards on the couch before she had time to think and Tommy was falling on top of her.  
"Tommy...wait."  
"Uhhmm Lena," he said softly, his voice husky and thick with need. She could feel his desire for her hard and thick against her thigh, his hips were pivoting in between her legs and she wouldn't try to stop him again, because now she wanted it too. He had her soft cotton capris off and he worked his briefs off, and then he was inside her and she couldn't think anymore, her mind was a bright light flush with color. When she opened her eyes it was Tommy against her, inside her, all she could see-his supreme maleness, dark ink marking up his creamy skin, dark hair sparse across his chest, perfectly defined muscles all flexing and writhing, rough stubbly chin and cheeks against her skin, and his face, that face she loved. She kissed him, and his full lips cataclysmically smothered her mouth, their dark passion rising higher, and it felt like fire blazing between them. He was grinding her into the couch, his voice caught in tight gasps as he thrusted and twisted inside her. She came so fast and so strong it stunned her, she was electrocuted-she whimpered his name, clinging to him as she helplessly seized over and over with ecstasy. Tommy didn't stop, he drove into her over and over as her juices soaked the couch cushion, until suddenly he shuddered and froze, and she could feel him flexing inside her, filling her with heat. His skin broke out in gooseflesh as he trembled, holding his breath and coming hard.  
When he finally exhaled, and fell forwards on top of her, spent and breathless.  
"Well hi," she whispered, kissed his head. "Nice to see you."  
Tommy snuffled a little laugh in between pants of air.  
"I couldn't stop thinkin' 'bout you, had to have you."  
"I missed you too." She shifted under his weight and wrapped her arms and legs around him. He was still inside her and she wasn't letting go of that either. "How was dinner?"  
"OK I guess. Tryin' to be decent. Tess is somethin' else. Always got somethin' to say. But I'm tryin' to make it work." Tommy started extracting himself from her, and Lena looked up at him, smiling like the cat that got the canary. "Why you smilin' like that little girl?" Tommy smiled back, crooked and toothy and she giggled.  
"Well...when I graduate in the fall I will be made co-owner of the restaurant."  
Tommy's eyebrows went up. "Well that's awesome. You deserve it, hard as you work. Shoulda already been the co-owner by now anyway." He was on his knees in front of her, and she was sitting up to touch his face, run her fingertips along the bridge of his perfectly straight nose.  
"How did you keep your face from getting bashed up Tommy?" It wasn't really a question. Tommy smirked.  
"Cuz I don't get hit in the face, doll. Won't let 'em get that close." He kissed her lips briefly and stood up to stalk into the kitchen and dig in the fridge. Lena found her capris and went into the bathroom with them. As she peed she stared at the ring he had given her, her mind still full of curiosity. How was all this going to work anyway? They still hadn't been able to figure anything out.  
Tommy outside the bathroom door snapped her out of her reverie. "Hey, you hungry? I think I'm gonna make some chicken."  
Lena laughed. "At this time of night?" She opened the bathroom door to see him standing there in just a tank top and nothing else. She smiled so big her eyes scrunched up.  
"Yeah at this time of night. I'm starvin', we went to some Indian restaurant and I don't do curry. Just had some salad. Do I look funny to you or somethin'?" Tommy was smirking again.  
"I'm probably glad you didn't eat curry either." She kissed his lips as she passed him. "You know i love you right?"  
Tommy was following her to the kitchen. "You mean you love me like, y'know, some people gotta love the village idiot, or you love me just cuz I rock your spot?"  
Lena turned around to look at him, her face a mask of surprise. "Oh no you didn't. You got jokes Conlon!" She kissed him again and he scooped her up and crushed her to his body. "Ughhh Tommy my ribs...you know why I love you."  
"Cuz I'm the hopeless puppy you brought home." His voice was sexy gravel as his nose pressed against hers, their faces an inch apart.  
"No." Lena was breathing his breath, looking alternately in his eyes and at his mouth. Tommy was looking down his nose at her, and was walking slowly with her wrapped around him.  
"Cuz you feel bad you treated me like shit the first time you met me." His voice was quiet and slippery now, sounding menacing again. She was getting so turned on she couldn't hide it.  
"No," she whispered.  
"Cuz you're addicted to me the way I'm addicted to you and you can't stand being away from me." Tommy pressed her up against the fridge now, all her school reminders stuck beneath magnets slipped down to the floor.  
"Yes Tommy, yes." She put her arms around his neck and he hiked her up higher and pinned her so she was in position.  
"I'm gonna keep you up all night tonight y'know..."He breathed hot on her face, her neck. "You ain't gettin' no sleep..."  
Lena smiled down into his hot gaze. "I'm so happy you're here Tommy. I've felt so fucked up today and I don't know why. I felt lost. But now..." she traced his shoulders, his neck. "Now I feel complete."  
"Don't know how I made it so long, Lena. Without you in my future, I won't have one." He looked up into her dark brown eyes and felt alive, passionate, confident, assured. In her eyes he saw himself anew. He could feel that glimmer of hope inside himself, something that was almost alien to him, something that was always so far away he could never actually catch it, feel it. Hope to him was something shiny at the bottom of a riverbed, and the more he dug the more the silt would slurry everything until the glimmer would fade away in the murky water. Tommy knew fighting, he knew how to go to war. But Lena was teaching him to love. It confounded and confusticated him, but other than fighting it was the only thing he wanted to spend any time on.  
"I won't let you down Tommy. I can't be without you, so don't you go leaving me either." Tears welled up in her eyes, she couldn't stop it, and they fell down between their bodies, wetting their skin. Tommy's hands wiped her tears away, then reached back to pull her hair out of the ponytail she had so he could push his fingers into the dark warm nest of her beautiful hair.  
"Never. Always your man, Lena." He kissed her, soft and sweet, and rested his forehead against her cheek. "Now will you please feed me I'm fuckin' starvin'." He broke out in a silly grin and a giggle, and Lena kissed his mouth hard, laughing herself.


	52. Help Me Rise Instead

LATE INTO THE NIGHT. Tommy had her hips locked in his grip, his face in between her thighs. Lena was trapped in the sheets, sweating, wanting him more and more, his name a prayer on her lips. Tommy wasn't stopping or coming up for air, he just relentlessly ate her up, made her shiver and whimper and call like a cat in heat. The bed was permanently on the floor now, the bedframe stacked against the wall, and in the streetlight coming in from the window their bodies glistened and twisted together on the mattress. Finally Tommy came up and he covered her, his hips falling in line with hers so he could thrust in, making her cry out-she felt drunk, high, possessed, overcome, conquered, ecstastic and overjoyed. She couldn't lock her arms or legs around him, but she tried- he was so wide and muscular, wet and writhing. Tommy rode her hard, cursing under his gasping breath, and Lena tried to keep up with him but he had some kind of black magic on her body, always changing the speed, the motion, the depth, just enough to keep her shocked into submission, something Tommy liked and responded to oh so well. But Lena wasn't going down without a fight, and she finally trapped his hips in between her knees and worked on flipping him, to which he laughed out loud, pushing her knees back down.  
"You think you gonna flip me baby girl? Hmmm?"  
"Tommy...let me...come on!"  
He looked down at her, smiling. "I dunno..."  
Lena fought uselessly against him and he laughed softly, and finally flipped onto his back, taking her with him. She didn't let go, she just started grinding him into the mattress, her body a slick ribbon of muscle on him. Tommy hissed, curling up on the bed as he got closer and closer to the final moment, again for the third time that night.  
"Slow down slow down fuck Lena!!" He held her hips down but she was clenching around him inside her over and over, making him curse out loud some more. Lena looked down, his shiny tatted skin, round hard muscles, dark hair and piercing eyes that caught the light just enough, and she called his name as she shuddered around him, all over him.   
"I'm done, it's over," he growled, and he was coming too, his whole body stiff as it washed through him into her. "Oh fuck."  
Lena fell on him, a wet mess of hair and sweat and hot breath. Tommy was immovable, a mountain she threw herself against.  
"Tommy..." She was panting and kissing him, pushing her hair off him so he could breathe.  
"Yeah," he whispered, his arms winding around her to hold her to him.  
"You're gonna kill us both," she smiled, bit his ear gently. "But not tonight."  
Tommy yawned like a lion roaring. "Mmm, I dunno...I can't feel my legs." She could hear the smile in his voice. She slipped off him, kissed his cheek, and as he turned his face towards her she kissed his eyelids, his nose, his thick wet lips. Tommy gently grabbed the back of her head and kissed her slowly, deeply. Lena was melting all over again, she shivered and her nipples tightened, but she knew it was all over, at least for the night.  
"You got class tomorrow?" Tommy stroked her cheek, looking at her through sleepy lazy eyes.  
Lena smiled. "It's Saturday Tommy...no class, and no work."  
"No shit?" He smiled, nuzzled her face with his. "I got you to myself, all day?"  
"Well...I know Cal's gonna have my ass for ditching him today, so I have to get to the gym."  
"Yeah, me too." Tommy yawned again, and Lena drew the sheet up around them and snuggled against him.  
"But after that..."  
"Yeah..." His eyes were closed but he was grinning like the cat that got the canary. "After that...you're all mine."  
Lena giggled. "Maybe we should see what Brendan and Tess are doing, maybe I could come over with you. If you want, I mean."  
Tommy didn't move or open his eyes. "Maybe." His voice was flat, and Lena couldn't gauge his emotion, if there was any, behind his one word answer.  
"Love you," she whispered, kissed his lips, and cuddled back up with him. He didn't say a word, maybe he was already asleep, Lena couldn't tell-but it wasn't long before she was drifting off.  
Dreams were a funny thing. Lena only realized now that they could be dangerous too. It was before dawn when she was startled awake, and Tommy wasn't in bed with her. She could hear banging in the living room, other loud noises. She leaped out of bed and found Tommy stark naked trying to get out the front door, but he couldn't unlock it.  
"Tommy?"  
He didn't answer, but his attempts at getting out became frantic. She slowly approached him, wrapping the blanket she had dragged from the bed around her.  
"Tommy." She was behind him now, she could see his hands trying desperately to unlock and open the door-living in the city she had bought a chain lock and a deadbolt to add to the two locks already on the door, being a woman alone you could never be too safe. Tommy was having a hell of a time, and she knew there was no way he could be awake. She placed her hand on his shoulder and he yelped in surprise.  
"Just don't leave me please Ma, I'll be all alone!!"  
Lena felt it like a stab in her heart. "Tommy, it's me, it's Lena."  
He turned around suddenly and flattened himself to the door, fear evident on his face, eyes barely open and wet with tears.  
"Don't leave me here by myself please..."  
Lena touched his face and he recoiled, then she wrapped herself and the blanket around him as much as she could-he didn't fight, just shivered and cried softly.  
"Why didn't he come with us...Brendan goddammit..."  
Tommy slid down the door until he was sitting on his haunches, and Lena kept him covered up as much as possible as he wept softly, and she wasn't sure when he actually woke up, but he ended up wrapping his arms around her after a while.  
"Why do I have to remember this shit Lena..." His voice was a broken whisper, though he wasn't crying anymore. "I was dreamin', shit I forgot about...Brendan lockin' me in the closet so Pop would beat him and not me, and then my mom when she...when she died that night...fuck..." The tears spilled down her skin, his head on her shoulder. "I only started rememberin' this shit since we been together...an' I don't wanna remember it."  
"I'm sorry Tommy," she whispered, tears in her eyes now too. "Maybe you never grieved, you never healed...maybe you can now."  
"I dunno..." He shuddered. "I fuckin' hate this, Lena. I'm sorry I'm doin' this to you."  
"You're not doing anything to be sorry for Tommy, and I'm not going anywhere. It's gonna be OK. Just let it out."  
He laughed bitterly. "I do, when I knock the fuck outta people."  
Lena kissed his cheek, his ear, his skin so hot. "That's not gonna heal your soul," she whispered.  
"You think I have one?" But it wasn't a question, and his voice had the edge of hate to it.  
Lena sighed. "Yes. I know you do."  
Suddenly Tommy was standing up, and Lena got up with him. He went into the bathroom and she went back into the bedroom, and waited for him.  
When he came back into the room, he was guzzling a bottle of water. He was wordless, just crawled into bed with her and wrapped her up in his arms, folded himself around her.  
"I took one of those pills they gave me at the V.A.," he whispered. "I might sleep all day but at least I won't sleepwalk."  
Lena was concerned. "Have you taken these before?"  
"Nope. S'posed to be tranks."  
She sighed heavily. "Baby the sun is gonna come up soon..."  
"Yeah, I know. Fuck it, I'm so tired I need to sleep. Feel like it's been days."  
Lena kissed his collarbone, the nearest part of him to her. "I'll watch over you."  
"Fuck you, you need to do what you need to do. Don't worry about me, I'll prolly sleep all day."  
"Yeah, OK Tommy."  
"Wha...?" His voice was drifting away and she knew the trank was kicking in. "You bein' sarcasssstic?"  
Lena stifled a giggle. "Goodnight boss. I love you."  
"Hmmmph...." And Tommy was out. The clock read 4:22 AM. Lena sighed again and settled in his heavy grip of her, his body dead weight around and against her.  
A FEW HOURS LATER. Lena could hear her phone going off somewhere in the living room. Tommy was still semi-curled around her, his face swollen from tears and the sleeping pill. Lena extracted herself and stumbled out to find her purse.  
"Bitch where the hell are you? I been trying to call you for the last hour!"  
"Good morning Cal." She looked at the clock. 7:45 AM. "I can't get down to the gym right now-"  
"Lemme guess, fuckin' Tommy right?!?"  
"Cal, I couldn't sleep last night. All I'm asking for is a few more hours. Please."  
Dead silence. Then an irritated sigh. "You got til 10AM. You don't show up at Colt's we're done." And Cal hung up.  
Lena rolled her eyes, went back into the bedroom where Tommy snored softly on the mattress on the floor, and she drew the curtains so it darkened the room. She took a look at Tommy, curled up on his side and dead to the world. Her heart surged and all she wanted was to stay with him there, warm and snug in bed, all day. But she set the alarm for 9:30 anyway, and got back in with him. He was awake enough to whisper "I love you girl", and hold her close with a satisfied sigh, and then was back to his deep heavy breaths in sleep. Lena happily joined him.  
It seemed like ten minutes later and the damn alarm was blaring again- it really pissed Lena off, but Tommy was the one that chucked his pillow at it, and like a crack shot and without even getting up he knocked it off her bureau from across the room, where it fell and screeched no more.   
Lena sat up, laughing softly, and Tommy pulled her back down.  
"No." Was all he said.  
"Tommy," she said softly, cajolingly, "I gotta go babe, hot date with the weights."  
"No. Stay." But he was falling back to sleep again, and Lena kissed his cheek and got off the bed to get in the shower.  
When she got out she noticed Tommy hadn't moved an inch since she left him, and so she took off to the gym to let Cal give her the business.  
Lena looked around the gym but didn't see Cal, so she went back up to the front desk.  
"Henry, where's Cal?"  
Ginger Boy smiled at her, all lit up. "He's talkin' to Colt upstairs. How you been Lena?"  
She stared at him behind her Ray Bans, her expression blank. "I'm OK, thanks for asking Henry. See ya." Lena made a hasty exit to take the stairs two at a time to Colt's office door. She was going to knock but she heard Cal's voice a little raised and sounding irritated behind the glass. She maneuvered herself so she couldn't be spotted but still overhear.  
"I'm not gonna be ready to corner anyone by then!"  
"Yeah you will, have a little faith in yourself Cal. You know this shit front and back, in and out. You can do this, I got two weeks to work with you, you're a natural anyway-"  
"Yeah, OK, but Conlon?!? You gotta give me that guy right off the bat?!?"  
"Tommy's a natural, he's easy. You got your work cut out for ya!"  
"He's an asshole. I might as well not even be there."  
"Look, Cal, I got no one else. I gotta go to Atlantic City to meet up with the Sparta guys, THE guys, JJ Riley and all them. I need you. This fight is gonna be over before the second round, Tommy's an animal, he'll knock Castanho out. Easy."  
Cal sighed heavily, he didn't speak for a while.   
"Yeah yeah. Alright. I'll corner Tommy for you." His voice was low and tight.  
"Thank you. Awright, so Tommy's supposed to have training today but I can't get ahold of him. When and if he gets here, you're gonna be shadowing me. You got it?"  
"Yep. Got it."   
"OK well, get outta here, Lena's eavesdropping outside the door."  
Lena backed further away as Cal shot a death look out the glass door.  
"Yeah I see her now." Cal pushed the door open, fixing her with a dirty look. "You shoulda just walked in, we were discussing your boyfriend. But I guess you figured that out, huh?" He quick-stepped down the stairs to the open floor of the gym. Lena was hot on his heels.  
"Well I wasn't gonna interrupt, now was I?"  
"Oh bullshit." He waved her off.  
"Corner Tommy huh? That'll be interesting."  
Cal heard the smile in Lena's voice and he spun on his heel to face her.  
"Don't like him, Lena. I know he only has a corner cuz he HAS to. I'm just background noise. He won't listen to a word I say."  
"How do you know that for sure, Cal? Can you maybe just give him a shot? Just one?"  
Cal said nothing, his look of disgust was evident of his thoughts. He shook his head and started to walk away.  
"Cal!!" Lena grabbed his arm but he jerked it away, then turned around to face off with her.  
"Honeymoon ain't over yet? You're just gonna end up in his big fuckin' emotional graveyard, Lena. He burns everyone he comes in contact with, and you're gonna be just like all the others, just another casualty. You can give him all the chances you want, I got a job to do."  
He left her standing there, speechless. Now what? She got up out of bed just to get chewed out and left behind. She cursed out loud and stormed out of the gym, got in her car and burned rubber. After speeding around she realized she was going to get pulled over on top of it, so she took a deep breath and tried to calm down. She knew Cal was just stressed out and she was usually his emotional punching bag-eventually he would calm down, think about it and call her to apologize. She knew the drill. But it wasn't fair or right, and she could've stayed in bed with Tommy and been lazy, but she was trying to do the right thing, by herself and by Cal.  
Somehow Lena ended up in front of her mom's little townhouse. She shut the car off and sat outside for a while, wondering if she could dare go to the door. It was Saturday morning, she knew her mom was up. She felt uncomfortable about Paddy being there, she was unsure how to to react to the man-she had, for the most part, only seen him drunk. Not to mention he was part of the reason Tommy was having a tough time sleeping-Tommy's flashback dreams were getting worse.  
"Fuck it." Lena got out of the car and walked to the door-it was already open and she could hear Rita and her mom talking from inside the house, she could smell coffee and something delicious in the oven.  
"Hellooo??" She opened the screen and Senna poked her head around the corner.  
"Well look at this, the stranger returns. Nice to see you."   
"Hey Ma." Lena gave her a big hug and kiss. "I'm sorry, I've been so busy-"  
"Ah! Save it. Come sit with us and have some coffee."  
Lena walked into the dining area and found Rita sitting at the kitchen table, looking exhausted.   
"Aunt Rita, you OK?" Lena leaned down and gave her a half hug.  
"Eh, I'll be OK. Just restless, can't sleep. Come sit."  
Lena grabbed a cup of coffee and sat at the table, noticing how quiet Rita and her mom were.  
"So how's everyone doing?"  
Rita smiled weakly. "The question is, how are you doing Lena? You look pretty tired yourself."  
"Yeah, just work and school..."  
"Tommy get all moved in now?" Senna looked at Lena pointedly.  
"Not really Mom, he's only staying for a while so Brendan and his family can have Paddy's place to themselves."  
"Mmmhmm." Senna took a drink of her coffee. "I would just like you to be the one to tell me those kinds of things, Lena. Don't get me wrong, I'm really happy Tommy came here and apologized-"  
"Yeah I didn't know about that til later in the night, Vince told me."  
"-but it would have been nice to hear you tell me you guys are moving in together. Lena are you still on the pill?"  
"Mom! Of course I am."  
"Good, the last thing you need is to get pregnant."  
"Why? I mean I agree but what are your reasons?"  
"Well, it's obvious, you need to finish school. And there's no telling, Tommy could just run out on you-"  
"He wouldn't do that, Mom."  
"Oh yeah? Don't be so sure. Men sometimes get stupid when we get pregnant."  
Lena tried not to look exasperated, so she tried to change the subject. "Where's Paddy?"  
"He has an A.A. meeting every morning," Rita said softly. "Saturdays and Sundays too."  
"That's good. How is he?"  
Senna and Rita nodded. "He's doing good," said Rita. "He's not drinking if that's what you mean."  
"No violent mood swings?" Lena hid behind her coffee cup as she said it, and took a big drink, watching her mom and Rita carefully.  
Senna narrowed her eyes. "No. Lena he's just an old man. Who's he gonna hurt?"  
Lena cocked her eyebrow. "Look, all I'm sayin' is if he decides to freak out what are you and Aunt Rita gonna do? He may be older but he can still hurt somebody."  
Rita sighed. "You're right. But so far we've been lucky I guess. He's been to the doctor, he's on meds to help with detox. I hope this sticks."  
"He's really doing good. I appreciate the concern Lena, but don't worry." Senna got up to get the coffee pot and refill their mugs.  
"Yeah, OK. Thanks Mom." Lena sighed and sipped her coffee. Senna set some Italian cookies on the table, fresh out of the oven. "Oh my God, really? These look amazing."  
Senna laughed. "Yeah and I made panettone yesterday, you wanna take some home for you and Tommy?"  
Lena smiled. "Yeah, I will, and he'll probably lose it-he's not supposed to be eating carbs right now."  
Senna shook her head."Honey I know you stay in shape but how you gonna live with a man like that? No bread or pasta?!?"  
Rita laughed out loud. "I was so used to it, I don't think I bought pasta for two years straight! Ted the Terror was always in training it seemed. Then Cal following right in his footsteps..." Rita looked so sad, Lena went to her and hugged her. "We love you kids so much, you know that Lena. Your mom just wants the best for you."  
"I know." Lena gave her mom a big hug too. "Our feelings are the same for you two. Cal and I might be running around all the time but you guys are always our first thought."  
Senna waved Lena off. "Then call me, will ya? It's been so crazy lately, I know."  
"Yeah and with Paddy here I almost didn't come in." Lena grabbed a wedding cookie and sat back down.  
"He's going home as soon as Brendan clears out. I guess there's some talk of family counseling."  
Lena almost choked on her coffee. "What?"  
"Yeah, Tommy and Brendan have talked about going to counseling with Paddy, to help them work all their shit out."  
"You know Mom... maybe it would be better if they worked their shit out individually. I cannot see the Conlon men in a room together trying to dig up the past." Lena munched an anisette and she knew she was going to hate herself later but she didn't care at that moment.  
Rita laughed at her comment. "You're right. It's gonna be ugly and someone is gonna storm out. Cal said the same thing."  
"You know Brendan is talking about moving back here." Senna winked. "They gotta start getting along some time."  
"Holy crap. Don't they have a nice house and all that in Philly?"  
Rita looked taken aback. "You don't like Brendan, Lena?"  
"No, I do like Brendan. I just worry...this is Tommy's turf. You know? He's had to come back home and try to put Paddy back together, and try to keep himself together too. Hell, I'm not sure about anything anyway, who am I kidding."  
"What do you mean?" Senna looked confused.  
"Well...I mean, Tommy is secretive, not purposely, just because he's been on his own with no one to trust and depend on for so long that he kinda just does his own thing. He worries about Paddy, and I know he's trying to patch things up with Brendan. But he has such terrible nightmares, from his childhood and from his time in Iraq-"  
"He's never...hit you or anything, right?" Rita looked concerned, and Senna turned white.  
"Hell no! C'mon." Lena sighed and shook her head. "Tommy's not like his father."  
Rita turned white herself at that comment. "Yeah...Paddy got crazy. Glad he doesn't try that shit now."  
"Tommy does stuff and I find out about it later, like when he came here. I had no idea. And there's other times...but no, he's not violent with me. He just sleepwalks and stuff..."  
"Well, maybe you can talk him into seeing someone. PTSD is very serious, plus his childhood trauma was really bad. He hasn't had it easy." Rita had tears in her eyes. "Brendan at least got nurtured, I did everything I could for that kid. Look at him now."  
"Brendan turned out great." Senna stood up and put her arm around Lena. "And Tommy's gonna be OK. In time. He has you, honey. At least there's still a part of him that knows love when he sees it. When he came here and talked about you, I could see the stars in his eyes. He was trying to tell me how much he loves you, but I didn't have to hear it, I could see it. He's a broken man, but you're helping him. I know it's hard."  
Lena cried a little, then straightened up. Senna kissed her head and went into the kitchen to make more coffee. Rita smiled sadly at Lena.  
"You'll be alright, girl. Your mom really put the screws to Tommy, and he wouldn't break, he didn't get pissed- he stuck in there and told your mom you're the one for him and he will always take care of you."  
Lena sniffed, wiped her eyes. "Meantime your son wants to berate and belittle me." She smiled but it was not a happy smile.  
Rita winced. "Cal's been really stressed out. He misses you. Paddy has him worried. Colt's riding him like a thoroughbred to train him. You know how he can get."  
"Yes. I do. But it's really hurtful. I understand, believe me, but after today I don't know that a little apology is gonna cut it. He owes me ice cream, or somethin'." Lena and Rita laughed.  
"I'm sure he'll calm down, whatever it is it can't be that bad."  
"He has to corner Tommy in a couple weeks. They have to drive to Philly together. It's gonna be rough."  
"I thought Cal and Tommy were OK." Senna was back with the panettone for Lena.  
"Not really, just an unspoken truce. It's weird, I know. But Cal doesn't trust him, has no faith in him. What can I do?" Lena shrugged. She could smell the espresso percolating in the old fashioned Neapolitan coffee maker on the stove. "Aw Mom, you're pulling out all the stops today."  
Senna smiled. "Yes I am. It sounds so good. I got lots to do today, I need the extra energy. You and Tommy comin' tonight too?"  
"Hmm? Where, here?"  
"Yeah, I'm having a big dinner at 7, Paddy, Brendan and Tess and the kids, Vince and Sarah, Cal of course, and I thought you and Tommy too."  
"I just found out about it. Just now." Lena looked upset. "Who dropped the ball this time?"  
"Uh...Cal I guess, we knew he was supposed to see you at the gym today. We told him to tell you." Rita looked uncomfortable. "I'm sorry, Lena."  
"Maybe he got pissed and forgot. Or maybe he doesn't want Tommy around." Lena shook her head slowly.  
"Hey, I'm sure it's a mistake." Rita pushed the cookie plate towards Lena.   
"Or maybe he didn't want World War Three." Lena stood up suddenly, grabbing her purse and the bread. "I love you guys, but I gotta get Tommy to the gym. Maybe we'll crash the party tonight." Lena winked and grabbed her mom and Rita to hug and kiss them. "Let me know if there's anything I can bring, just gimme a call, OK?"  
"OK. Hey Lena, don't do anything. Stay calm. OK?" Rita looked at her pleadingly.  
"No problem Aunt Rita. I'm not gonna bother with it." Lena was heading for the door. "Love you guys! Thanks for everything Mom!!"  
Lena was back in her car and headed to her apartment. It was almost noon and she was betting Tommy wasn't awake. She wanted to wake him just so she could take him to the gym and get in Cal's face.  
Sure enough, Tommy was snoring and the alarm on his phone was going off like a tornado siren. Lena yanked her clothes off and shut the alarm off, getting into bed with him.  
"Tommy?" She stretched herself out against him, pulled the sheet up just enough to slide in behind him and press herself to his haunches. He stirred a little, took in a deep breath and continued to snore. "Tommy."  
"Hmmph."  
"Baby you gotta get up, you're supposed to be at the gym."  
"What you doin' in bed with me then...." Tommy reached back and touched her bare skin, grabbed her thigh and rubbed.  
"Gotta wake you up somehow."  
"I'll go later. Can't move right now."  
"OK." Lena kissed the nape of his neck and he sighed, grabbed her arm and pulled her around him as if she were a sweater.  
"Ffffffuuuuuck," he growled. "Don't lemme take those pills again."  
Just then there was an urgent knock at the door. Lena jumped up and searched for her clothes, mumbling "Who the fuck is this?"  
"Colt. Betcha ten bucks." Tommy still wasn't moving. Lena went to the door and looked through the peephole, then answered it.  
"Hey Uncle Colt-"  
"Don't hey me, where's he at?" Colt came in, looking around. "Tommy!"  
"What?" came the muffled response from the bedroom.  
When Tommy finally opened his eyes Colt was standing in the bedroom doorway, glaring at him, Lena standing beside him wringing her hands.  
"Jesus Christ Lena how much he been drinkin'?"  
Lena immediately resented Colt's accusatory tone but ignored it.  
"He took a sleeping pill late. He was having nightmares."  
Colt let out an exasperated sigh. "Tommy you gotta get up. What'd I tell you about those pills?" He sat at the edge of the bed and looked at Tommy a little closer.  
"Whaddya gonna do, fuckin' kiss me?" Tommy stretched and yawned and started making his way out of bed. His head was swimming but he knew he had to get up for real.  
"Yeah, kiss you with a two-by-four. Get dressed, c'mon."  
Tommy sat at the edge of the bed, his bare back to his spectators.  
"Can't I train later?"  
"No! You're comin' with me. Now. Listen, Tommy-" Colt came around the side of the bed to look at him. "I gotta go to Atlantic City. I'm leaving in ten days."  
"OK."  
"OK?!? You won't have a corner in the Castanho fight. So Cal's shadowing me the next week and a half and he's gonna corner you."  
Tommy was still and silent for a moment, then he half-turned around to look at Lena. "You know about this?"  
"Just found out this morning." Lena looked at him warily. "I was gonna tell you."  
Tommy said nothing, just turned back around to look at Colt. "Awright. I'm gettin' dressed."  
"OK. I'll wait for ya downstairs." Colt squeezed Lena's arm as he passed and headed out in a rush.  
Lena waited in the doorway as Tommy rubbed his face and yawned again. She was waiting for his reaction, but there was none. He stood, the sheet falling away to reveal his body, and then he headed to the bathroom, kissing her briefly as he passed.  
She stood for a moment, wondering what she should do- she decided to go to the gym too. She needed to find her focus, it was so easy for her mind to get out of sorts when she wasn't doing anything to keep herself preoccupied.  
Lena ended up following behind Colt's car to the gym, where it was all business and Tommy gave her a quick kiss before he headed downstairs to train. Cal was nowhere in sight- Lena imagined he was already downstairs in the pit, waiting for Tommy and Colt to arrive.   
She plugged herself in to her iPod and did her circuit training-cardio, abs, and she hit all the muscle groups, one at a time, until she thought she was going to fall over. Then more cardio. By the time she was done, she was drenched in sweat and high on endorphins, exhausted, every pore open, and she felt chilled to the bone and her muscles were on fire.   
The gym had emptied out, and she was ready to go home and shower. It was almost 4PM, she couldn't believe how much time had passed. Rounding the corner out of the ladies locker rooms she bumped right into Cal on his way into the mens lockers.  
"Hi." Lena looked up at him, her expression blank.  
"Hey. Yeah, so....sorry I yelled at you, come to dinner tonight." One big run on sentence. "You and Tommy. I'm sorry I'm a bitch to you. I was supposed to tell you about it but I was really freaking the fuck out at having to corner Tommy."  
"How did it go tonight?" Lena still looked impassive and Cal was starting to feel a little nervous.  
"Um, good. Tommy's uh...he hits really hard. He's gonna fuck Castanho up, I've seen that guy fight and he's just meat for the grinder. Sad." Cal sighed and looked off in the distance, then looked back at her. "Are you comin or what? Please. Please. I'll kiss your feet!"  
Lena's eyebrows went up. "Really?"  
"Yeah, you want me to do it right here?" Cal was laughing now and Lena started laughing too.  
"Thanks for inviting me to my own mother's house for dinner. Stop treating me like shit, OK Cal? I love you and I'm on your side. I don't deserve it." Lena leaned into him, staring into his bright blue eyes. Cal nodded and hugged her.  
"Jesus Christ you're all wet! The fuck you been doing up here, killing yourself?"  
"Yeah, had some aggression to work out. You guys all done?"  
"Yeah, Tommy's in the shower right now."  
"How did he get by me?"  
Cal shrugged, then grinned. "We're gonna eat like royalty tonight. Brendan and Tess, the kids, Vince and Sarah....and Paddy too."  
"I know, I found out about it when I went to see my mom today." Lena stared hard at him, and guiltily he looked away.  
"Oh..."  
"Yeah, oh. Look I gotta home and get in the shower, I love you. I'll see you tonight. Message me so I know what to bring." She turned around to leave and Cal caught her arm.  
"Hey. I'm sorry if I hurt you." Cal smiled a weak smile. "Bring some wine. Please. I'm gonna sneak it and get wasted in the kitchen."  
Lena laughed. "I'll join ya." She winked and headed out to the lobby, where she stopped briefly to check her phone.  
"Leaving now, can I catch a ride?"- Tommy had just texted her in the time she had spent talking to Cal, so she messaged him back that she was waiting for him in the car.  
Tommy came out in his hoodie and sweats, crouching like a tiger, holding a gym bag, and got in the car. He was a wreck too, sweaty and stinky.  
"Oh yeah," he said softly, looking at her, "you killed it, I saw you. You monster. Bench pressin' over half your body weight, not bad for a chick."  
Lena cocked her eyebrow at him and smiled. "Not bad for a chick? Actually I really sucked today. And how did you do tonight?"  
"Eh, so-so. Shoulder still fucked up. Didn't work it too hard. We goin' to this big dinner Cal invited us to?"  
Lena smiled. "Do you want to?"  
Tommy nodded but looked down at the floorboards. "Sure."  
"Mmmhmm."  
"What?" He looked at her and she once again could not gauge his expression.  
"If you want to go then we go. Period."  
"Be weird if I didn't, right?" Not a question. His eyes searched her face.  
"Nope." Lena started the car and headed out. "Tell me what we're doing...after we've had hot showers." She smiled wide at him and he smiled a little back.

 

7PM saw Tommy and Lena cleaned up and dressed up on Senna's porch. There was loud music, kids giggling and Vince yelling "UNO!" coming from inside. Lena opened the screen door and walked into a packed house- Colt, Brendan, Tess, Sarah, and Paddy were sitting around the table playing cards, Vince and Cal were playing Uno with Rosie and Emily, Brendan and Tess' kids. Rita and Senna were probably in the kitchen, so Lena said a quick hello to everyone and headed there, leaving Tommy out in the living room with Rosie and Emily greeting him with big hugs and girly giggles.  
"Hey," Lena said, pulling two gallon milk jugs full of cold wine out of the paper bag she was lugging and set them down on the counter. "I got you ladies a drink."  
Senna clucked disapprovingly, smiling, and started pouring cups for the three of them. "Now now, you shouldn't have..."  
Rita laughed. "Nice, trying to be sneaky huh? We better get this gone, fast."  
"My God, Rita, we can't drink that much!"  
"No but I can!" Cal was in the kitchen and Vince bustled in too. Way too many people crowded in together in such a tiny place. Lena felt claustrophobic.  
"Gimme some wine, come on," Vince breathed, and knocked his back quickly. "This whole recovering shit stinks."  
Lena watched a gallon jug quickly disappear. "Christ, maybe we're the alcoholics."  
"I gotta sneak some to Sarah..." Vince made a quick exit out the back door with a full cup, saying, "Tell her to meet me at the front door."  
Cal opened the next jug and poured another round, knocked it back and headed out to the living room. Colt and Paddy were reminiscing on the old days, and Brendan was arguing some of it, saying he remembered way more than they did. Suddenly a tall lovely blond was in the kitchen, smiling.  
"Hi, I'm Tess." She shook Lena's hand. "I'm really glad to meet you."  
"Nice to meet you too. Would you like to wet your whistle?" Lena gestured to the gallon of wine, and Tess looked incredulous.  
"Wow, you brought it in milk jugs?" She looked the jug over and for a moment Lena didn't know what she was thinking-was she upset? But then Tess looked up at her with a big beaming smile. "Great idea. Yes please, can I have a glass?"  
"Sure!" Lena poured her a glass and they stood for a moment, sipping their wine, all four women regarding each other.  
"You know, I always wondered how long Tommy was gonna be alone. I was beginning to think it was gonna be forever." Tess drank her wine down. "I'm glad he found you."  
Lena smiled. "He kinda found me."  
"Well...I just wanna say thank you. Whatever you're doing, keep it up. He and Bren are finally getting along for the first time in a very long time. I don't think it's coincidence."  
Lena shook her head, blushing. "No, it's all Tommy. He just needs to heal. It's gonna take time."  
"Yeah...well, in the meantime it's nice to see them talking, and the kids love their Uncle Tommy. It's great to meet you! I'm gonna get back out there and try to act normal." Tess smiled briefly and ducked out of the kitchen.  
Lena turned to her mom and Rita and winked at them. "So...how's Paddy tonight? Was he nervous about all the company?"  
Rita smiled. "No. Well, maybe a little. But he wants his family together more, and see everyone through sober eyes." There was a loud pounding noise coming from the living room with some yelling to go with it, and all three women busted out the kitchen door, only to see Brendan playing ref to Emily and Rosie as they tapped their Uncle Tommy out. Tess was taking pictures and laughing, and she turned to look at Rita, Senna and Lena staring, wide-eyed.  
"Did you guys think someone was getting beat up?" Tess gave them a knowing look but still smiled. Lena nodded a little.   
"Yeah, we kinda panicked." Lena smiled sheepishly.   
"It's OK, I totally understand." Tess dropped her smile. "Believe me."  
Rita had moved to the table to get Colt and Paddy some more ice water, while Cal showed Vince a design he was coming up with for the restaurant expansion. Tommy mock-fought with his nieces, while Brendan and Tess looked on, smiling. Lena looked around at all the people present and felt a piece of herself lock into place. Her family was together, just missing David now, who was finally coming home in a little over three months. Her father was missed as well- she had tried so hard to act like it didn't bother her but that was a place in her heart that would never be whole.  
"It's nice, isn't it." Senna looked at her daughter, looking wistful. "We're only missing a couple of people."  
Lena nodded, and she felt her throat closing up and tears rising in her eyes.  
"I know Mom. At least David will be home soon." She put her arm around her mom and they went back into the kitchen.  
"I never stop counting the days. Did they both have to leave us?" Senna wiped her eyes and started slicing the prime rib she had made.  
"The whole thing is nuts, Mom...At least I still have you." Lena hugged her mom from behind.  
"We got each other. And all these other nutjobs too." Senna laughed and Lena joined her. "Life imitates art, right?"  
"Well if that's true, then maybe we can all have happy endings."  
Senna handed her a big steaming bowl of mashed potatoes. "Here, you take that out there. I'm sure the health nuts are gonna love it."  
Lena giggled. "They're gonna hate you."  
Lena started bringing the food out as Rita set the table. Tess came into the kitchen, her hands out.  
"Ms.Rossi-"  
"Call me Senna!!"  
"Senna, can I help with anything? I know I've asked you twice already." Tess laughed. "I'm pretty stubborn too."  
"You wanna set up the card table I have by the door? The kids gotta sit somewhere." Senna winked at Tess. "Thanks."  
And so there they all were, Lena and Tommy sitting by Brendan and Tess, Rita and Paddy sitting next to Cal and Colt, and Vince squished Senna in between he and Sarah as they looked on as the heads of the table-Italians did that kind of thing, someone had to be at the Head of the Table. The girls were sitting right nearby, and everyone was talking and eating, some pretty high on wine. Lena was sitting with Tommy's hand in her lap, and every once in a while there was a look they shared that let each other know they were thinking the same thing.  
Paddy was quiet, listening to Cal and Colt argue playfully with each other, and Brendan would pipe in, but Tommy was the one who barely said a word, just nodded or gave one or two word answers when he was addressed. Lena could see the struggle inside him, he was trying so hard to act the way he thought he should. Lena did notice something else-Tommy and Paddy would look at each other every once in a while, regard each other without any hostility, and even nod. It was as if they were on the same wavelength. The war vets, the outcasts, the addicts, the times in their lives they chose to wear the mantle of Hated and Feared in the family. But Tommy was so different, he loved his nieces and looked over at them as they giggled with a sweet smile, almost wistful- he himself had never had a childhood, and Emily and Rosie were enjoying the innocence and freedom he never had. As he quickly forged a bond with them, he vowed to himself he would never do anything to disrupt that ever again. Sparta 1 and the subsequent few years after that were enough.  
It was getting late. Lena was glad there were so many people, it secured a kind of privacy a small dinner party never could have afforded. Tommy took Lena out to the backyard and held her hand as they looked up at the clear night sky. Emily and Rosie were falling asleep on the couch and Rita was giving Paddy his nighttime meds. Vince and Sarah were slow-dancing in the kitchen-they had finished off the secret wine stash and were feeling no pain. Cal and Brendan were speaking furtively on the front porch while Senna packed up some leftovers for Tess while they talked in the kitchen.  
"You know," Tommy said softly, never taking his eyes off the moon," tonight wasn't that bad."  
"No, it was actually pretty nice. I was worried too." Lena smiled and traced the profile of his face with her fingertips. "Thanks for coming."  
"Don't thank me." He turned to look down at her, and he was smiling just a little. "I got my little happy pills to keep me calm, remember?" He grabbed her hips and pressed them hard to his. "You ever think about havin' kids?"  
Lena looked at him, in his eyes. "Sure, just...not yet."  
Tommy nodded, looked away. "Yeah I was just askin'."   
"Tommy...you thinkin' about having some children?" She tried to look in his eyes but he kept them down.  
"Nah...I prolly wouldn't make a good father anyway...never really had one, so, y'know, how am I gonna be one?"  
Lena grasped his chin, made him look at her. She spoke in a low deep tone that surprised even Tommy. "You listen to me, Conlon. You will be a great dad, I saw you with Emily and Rosie. Just because he fucked up doesn't mean you will. If you believe you're gonna fail, you will."  
Tommy looked at her, slowly took her hand off his face, kissed it. "Well maybe I'll find out one day. When you wanna...y'know."  
Lena smiled at him, stood up on her tiptoes and kissed him, warm and dry and soft, and fell against his body that was like a brick wall. Tommy arms were around her and she was owned by him, lost in his kiss under the moonlight, so easy to forget the people in the house were there.  
"Hey will you two quit it?" Cal yelled. "People are leaving!"  
"Oh Cal I'm gonna kill you!" Lena dragged Tommy inside, where Brendan was gathering the sleepy girls one by one and bringing them out to the van. Colt, Vince and Sarah were all outside, saying goodnight. Rita and Paddy were nowhere in sight.  
"Goodnight, goodnight," Lena waved out the front door. Brendan and Tess hugged her briefly and quickly exited, Colt waved at her and Tommy, saying," See ya at 6AM Tommy!" Sarah and Vince said goodnight too. It seemed the night was a blur now. Lena and Tommy went back inside to Senna and Cal sitting at the kitchen table, and Cal was dealing out the UNO deck.  
Tommy looked down at them and smiled at Senna. "Thank you for dinner, it was really good." He leaned down and hugged her. Cal rolled his eyes and Lena punched his shoulder.  
"Ow! Take it easy." Cal looked up at Tommy. "See ya tomorrow."  
"OK." Tommy briefly shook his hand. Lena hugged her mom and Cal.  
"Thanks so much for dinner. Love you guys. See ya tomorrow?"  
"Yeah? You going to the gym too?" Cal gave her a sideways glance.   
"Yeah I'll be there. Punk."  
"Believe it when I see it." Cal waved them off.   
In the car, Tommy let out a big sigh. He felt as if he had been holding his breath for so long.  
"Take us home Lena..." He rested back against his seat. "I don't want to do that again anytime soon."  
"Really?" Lena was focused on driving but she kept glancing over at him.  
"Nah, I mean....I'm just worn out and I didn't do anything to feel that way."  
"You're emotionally exhausted, I understand."  
"And I mean no disrespect. It was a good night. I just can't wait to get in bed with you." He smiled his toothy grin, and at that moment she would have forgiven him no matter what he said or did.


	53. First Fight

"Me that's who, me me that's who  
I'm the round out the tank  
I'm the loud whack whack  
Coming from behind   
I'm the fire in the hole coming from the tube,  
I'm the claymore mine sittin in the dirt,  
I'm the prone unsupported, I'm the three-round-burst,  
Sleepin bag in the freezing weather-  
I'm the fragmentation vest for shrapnel and flying metal,  
I'm the auto on the fire selector,  
I'm the thousand shells bouncing off the brass deflector.  
Squeeze the trigger center mass when it's time to take aim,  
I'm the boom when they ricochet down range,  
Creeping, heat seeking and keeping my target-  
I'm the biological threat you don't wanna go to war with.  
I'll make you fucking bleed where you live at-  
I'm almost there, one click away from your bivouac,  
Flash bang, highly illuminated,  
This is operation Fuck Over My Destination.  
I'm all your rank and ribbons, stripes and brass and decorations,  
I'm that fucking hole in the earth after detonation,  
C -130 airborne soldier coming from the sky,  
Recognize ground troopers rolling just like hemmit tires.  
I'm fixing my road march so save your breath-  
If I don't get you with the rifle I'm a catch you with my bayonette,  
I run with M1's, tanks and howitzers,  
I'm a 45-day 45-night field problem.  
I'm your smart book when the live exercise begins, and when it gets dark, I'm noise and light discipline.  
Twelve bravo, run you out the foxhole, make it to the bunker or there ain't no survival.  
I'm that war vet that's combat ready, whether arctic or jungle or the middle of the desert.  
They try to make it when they know they can't-  
How the fuck you gonna run from the ROUND OUT THE TANK?!?"  
Mystikal's "Round Out The Tank" blared over the loudspeakers as Tommy made his way to the octagon. Lena had been sitting in his room with him and Cal, watching Cal hold pads for Tommy to hit, watching Tommy jump rope until the sweat poured down and soaked his shorts, then Cal held Tommy's arms and legs as he stretched out before going to lay on the ground with his legs up against the wall. Cal wrapped his hands and smeared him with vaseline. The entire time it was as if she were a ghost- Lena sat in the corner and just watched, no one really spoke. Tommy was so focused it was almost scary. Lena knew better than to try and talk to him-not even Cal was making eye contact with either of them.   
"Five minutes Cal." By the time Lena looked up to see who had made the announcement he was gone. Cal looked at Tommy, who nodded at him. When the hardcore rap started playing, Tommy shot Cal a look that Lena couldn't read.  
"They needed a song, Tommy. I picked this one for you."  
Tommy looked away from him, and finally looked back at Lena right before he and Cal left the room.  
"Love you." His eyes were dark like hot black holes.   
"Love you too." Lena was getting up so she could find her way to her ringside seat, and she followed a security guard who hustled her to the side and away as the cameras and officials surrounded Tommy and Cal on their way out. The crowd was going nuts, and Lena could see banners and signs people were holding up as they screamed Tommy's name, chanted it, pounding their feet and clapping.  
Lena was three seats away from Cal's post, Tommy's corner. Tommy had pulled his hooded sweatshirt off to reveal his body, all muscle gleaming in the bright lights. At the weigh-in earlier in the day Tommy was 168 pounds, almost outside of the welterweight class. Lena had watched him train harder and go through chicken and vegetables like a madman the last two weeks. He had swelled up even more, and she couldn't get over it.  
"Lena, Lena can you believe these fuckin' crowds?!?" Cal was grinning from ear to ear. Lena was still in shock from the experience, it was overwhelming. Looking at the sea of faces she saw handmade signs that people held up with their hometowns on them- NYC, Ottawa, Montreal, Richmond VA, cities in Georgia, North and South Carolina, and banners with the Marine Corps insignia, everyone shouting "TOMMY! TOMMY! TOMMY!" Lena watched Tommy pacing and bouncing inside the ring as he waited for his opponent to arrive.  
Then Ozzy Osbourne's "Crazy Train" started playing, and the crowd switched gears, booing and hissing as Castanho came out-a big dark Brazilian with blood in his eyes, hungry and ready to destroy the legend. Lena looked at him and felt fear. But Tommy disregarded him, just flexed and moved in his corner, full of unspoken rage and determination, pacing and jumping from foot to foot up until he was called to the center by the referee, where Tommy stood nose to nose with Castanho, who stared back at Tommy with unadulterated hate.  
"Alright, gentlemen, you’ve been given your instructions. I expect a clean fight. Obey my commands at all times. Protect yourselves at all times. Touch gloves, go back to your corners and let's get it on,"said the ref. Lena got a chill up her spine- adrenaline and anticipation coursed through her veins. Tommy paced to and then out of his corner, his bulging arms out in front to guard his body, his chin down so his eyes were the only thing to show over his blood red gloves. Castanho was pouring sweat and sneering as he came right up on Tommy and started swinging, right left right, Tommy dodging and bouncing back on his heels, looking for the takedown. It was all happening so fast- Castanho kicked at Tommy's shins but Tommy moved away from the blows yet again. Cal was yelling, "Throw your hands!!" and pounding the mat. Tommy paid him no mind, waiting for his moment, and then very suddenly was throwing rapid fire punches, one after the other onto Castanho, who blocked and parried, finally took a hit on the temple and started swaying back. Tommy jumped on his opportunity and armbarred him in the throat and neck, hauling Castanho down to the mat with a resounding boom, and continued to rain punches down on Castanho's face, who was trying desperately to cover himself up as he started slipping into a daze, possibly going unconscious. Lena was in shock with the sudden takedown, even though she knew it was coming it was still mind-numbing. The bloodthirsty crowd had gone ballistic, screaming and cheering all around her. Tommy still had it, fuck what the ESPN commentators said.   
The ref was yanking Tommy back and away from Castanho's lifeless body. Tommy had blood on his leg from Castanho's broken nose that had sprayed out. After the judges made their decision, the ref held Tommy's gloved hand up and declared him the winner-Tommy looked around, his eyes wild, and caught sight of Lena in the crowd. He nodded briefly at her and she nodded back, her eyes taking in the sight, her ears full of the chanting crowds. A medic was in the octagon with Castanho's coach and they were reviving him with smelling salts. Tommy had really sent him sideways. Lena almost felt bad for him, but his coach had to know who he was up against- Conlon the Killer.   
Cal and Tommy were hastily exiting and making their way back through the crowds to the tunnel. A security guard was already at her side to escort her to the back. Lena walked with him, taking the back way to get to Tommy's dressing room. Officials were crowding the hall and the press was trying to get into the dressing room. Lena was hustled in and the door was slammed in the sea of faces behind her. She looked around the large room and found Cal sitting on a table, holding his head, looking exasperated. Tommy was nowhere in sight.  
"Where's Tommy?"  
Cal gestured to the back of the room. "Shower." He looked at Lena, his eyes were watery. "I don't think I can do this job."  
"Cal, why?" Lena sat next to him and put her hand on his back.  
"I felt so bad for that guy...Tommy tried to kill him I swear."  
"Cal, he was doing what he always does-"  
"Yeah, I know, goes in for the kill. Just watching him up close, he had to know Castanho was already knocked out! He just kept going."  
"Maybe not, I saw Castanho trying to block up until the end. He was outmatched, you said so yourself a few weeks ago."  
Cal shook his head. "I think...he just can't stop, Lena. He has to be yanked off people like a rabid dog. He was a little more...restrained in training. I dunno, maybe I'm just in shock-"  
At that moment, a door in the back opened and Tommy stood there wrapped in towels. He regarded Lena and Cal wordlessly, grabbed his bag that was right outside the door and went back in to get dressed.  
"Shit he probably heard me. Oh well I'm just glad this is the only time I have to do this." Cal stood up and started grabbing his stuff, getting things together. "He has a press meet in the morning, I just wanna go back to the hotel so I can get drunk."  
"Cal...I'm sorry..."  
Cal looked back at her. "Don't be, Lee. It's not your fault...I think it's just me. Wasn't ready for that, it wasn't even a contest who was gonna win."  
Tommy came out of the bathroom, quiet and brooding. He had all his stuff ready. He walked up to Lena and embraced her, took her in his arms and held her tight. No words were spoken-Cal was leaned up along the wall, ignoring them as he texted back and forth with Colt, and Lena held Tommy as he stood in between her legs and gripped her tight.  
"Let's go, hmm?" Tommy's voice was that rough slippery silver tongue in her ear. His hair was wet against her, the heat radiated out his body and Lena just needed to be alone with him.  
"Yeah. Cal?" Lena looked over at Cal, who was smiling bitterly at his phone. Tommy extracted himself from her and Lena hopped off the table.  
"Yeah, you guys ready?"  
"Hope we can get through that crowd out there." Lena braced herself, standing in front of Tommy as Cal pulled the door open.  
"No shit," Cal said, looking at the throng- security guards trying to clear a path, cameras flashing, people shouting Tommy's name and trying to ask questions, shoving things in his face to sign, shoving things at him to talk into- the entire time Cal, Tommy and Lena were trying desperately to get down the hall to Cal's Ridgeline that waited outside.  
Once safely in the truck and on their way to the hotel, Cal put on the local sports radio station to see if they would be talking about the fight. Sure enough, the DJ was taking calls from people who had been there.  
"-so tell us what you saw, sir, uh what did you say your name was?"  
"Frank!" the caller said, clearly very excited. "Name's Frank! Well,you know, uh, Tommy came out nice and calm, you could see he was waiting for his chance to strike, and when he did, holy crap! He was a blur! He took Castanho down in less than a minute!"  
"Waitaminute, you're saying the fight only lasted a minute?!?" The DJ was incredulous.  
"No, no! My friend and I had a bet goin', we started timin' the fight the minute Tommy started throwin' punches, and it was over in 53 seconds!!"  
"Well did you hear that fans? Conlon the Killer is back and in action, watch out all you middleweights, you're about to get cleared out!"  
Tommy reached out from the back seat and snapped off the radio.  
"Hey!" Cal said defensively.  
"Sorry. Don't wanna hear that." Tommy settled back in the darkness. Cal gave Lena a sideways look, and she just looked down. The ride home was going to be even more uncomfortable than the ride there.  
At the hotel, Cal bid them goodnight in the hallway, his expression drawn and worn out. Lena gave him a big hug as Tommy headed into their room right next door.  
"Hey. It's gonna be OK. We'll be home tomorrow."  
"I know. Can't wait. You wanna drive?"  
Lena looked at Cal, taken aback. "You sure?"  
"Yeah. It's only a few hours, I think I'll take the back seat and sleep. Cool?"  
Lena smiled warmly at her brother. "I won't drive crazy, I promise."  
Cal smiled back weakly. "Don't make promises you can't keep. Just don't kill us. Love you, goodnight." He kissed her cheek and disappeared into his room, and Lena headed into hers.  
"Tommy?"  
"In here," he called from the bathroom. She could hear the shower running, so she left him alone and started looking over the room service menu. She decided on salmon and rice and a cold beer-definitely needed a beer.  
Tommy came out of the bathroom wrapped in a big fluffy robe. He smelled like citrus musk and soap now.  
"Thought you were all clean already?" Lena stood up and met him halfway, opening his robe and sliding her arms against his damp hot skin. Tommy's nostrils flared, his eyes still dilated from the fight.  
"Mmm, no. Still felt dirty. Better now." He played with her hair, looked down into her eyes. She felt penetrated already.  
"You feel so good Tommy...congratulations for the win tonight-"  
"Don't. OK? That was too easy." He sighed heavily, his eyes downcast. "I heard Cal. I know he thinks there's somethin' wrong with me." He looked at her again, his eyes piercing her once more. "You know he's right."  
"Stop, Tommy. Don't say that-"  
"It's true. Don't bother defending me, it's all bullshit."  
Lena sighed, closing her eyes. "Not bullshit, Tommy. You outclassed him. You've been trained to fight-"  
"Trained to kill. I had to get myself out of a few situations in Iraq, had to move and think fast." He looked away from her. "I'll be a middleweight here soon. I'll have a little more competition then."  
"Sparta's coming up fast..." Lena kissed his chin, his mouth. His hands were running up and down her back.  
"You gonna be there..?" Tommy breathed hot on her face, and Lena's heart raced hard as she looked into his eyes, blue-green like a lagoon, sunlight filtered through paradise.  
"Of course, where else would I be?" She smiled, catching his bottom lip in between her teeth, pulling slowly.  
"Hmm." Tommy picked her up as if she were a doll, carried her to the bed. "I want you in my room."  
"At the venue or in the hotel?" Lena giggled softly as he tossed her on the bed, her limbs welcoming him as he fell on her, his robe discarded on the floor.  
"Both," he growled, and kissed her like it was their last night on Earth.


	54. About Today

Lena was drifting off into space as she drove home to Pittsburgh, the entire night was a blur and she found herself reminiscing over it. Tommy was asleep next to her in the passenger side, his angular face still a little swollen from being up all night, but heartstoppingly handsome in his sweet sleep of the angels. Cal was bundled up in his sleeping bag and scrunched up in the backseat, snoring softly. The air conditioner in the Ridgeline was powerful and even Lena shivered a little, until she had another flashback from the night before and was flush with crimson heat again.  
Tommy had some hardcore rap on the CD player, and it helped keep Lena focus on the almost 5 hour drive back. Her phone started ringing and she almost fumbled it- checking the caller ID and seeing her mom's number she answered right away.  
"Hey Ma, how are ya?"  
"You guys are on your way home, right?" Senna's voice sounded panicked.  
"Yeah, we're about three hours away, what is it Mom? What's wrong?" She heard Cal rustling in back and felt him right behind her.  
"It's Paddy-"  
"Oh no Mom, what happened?"  
"It's not what you think, he's in the hospital. They think it's his heart-"  
"Oh my God. When did it happen?"  
"I dunno, the last hour I think...look I gotta go, we're at UPMC uptown. Just get here soon as you can, safely. Please. Love you."  
"Love you too Ma. See you soon."  
She hung up and Cal looked wide-eyed at her from behind her seat. They both looked at Tommy sleeping soundly. Cal looked at her again and bundled himself back up in his sleeping bag, retreating to the back seat.  
"I'm not waking him."  
Lena rolled her eyes. "Well no shit." She reached over and gently shook Tommy, watching her grip on his shoulder. "Hey. Tommy, baby. Wake up."  
Tommy's eyes fluttered and narrowed into slits. "Hmm. We there yet?"  
"No...listen, you better check your phone."  
His eyes sprang open and he was sitting up. "Huh? What-" He dug his phone out of his hoodie and found the reason Lena had woken him up showing on the display. He stared at it for a while, then let out a deep breath and let his head fall back with his eyes closed. "How far are we?" he rasped.  
"About three, four hours."  
"Fuck," he whispered. "You get there any faster?"  
"Yeah."  
"Oh shit," Cal was sitting up again. "Lena pull over, lemme drive."  
"That's nice Cal." Lena was sarcastic but too concerned about Tommy and Paddy to snarl or smile.  
"Nah that's good, I gotta take a piss anyway." Tommy wasn't looking at her, or anything for that matter. His eyes were dark and focused on moving things outside the windows, his mind racing.  
"OK, next exit I'll find a gas station."  
She pulled off a few minutes later, the car deadly silent, and stopped at a Mobil gas station. Tommy practically ran inside and Cal hopped out, approaching Lena as she got out of the front seat.  
"Hey, you want a Red Bull or somethin'?" She could see the funny look in Cal's eyes-he wanted to get home and check on his mom more than anything.  
"No Cal, thank you though." Lena waited for what seemed like forever in the back seat, and finally Cal came back to the car first. His eyes were red.  
"Cal you OK?"  
Cal settled in the front seat and sighed. "Mom's a mess. They don't know anything yet, and Brendan and Tommy not being there isn't helping, they want immediate family in there."  
"Fuck. That's not good is it?"  
Cal shook his head. "I don't think so. Where's Tommy?"  
"I don't know, wasn't he in there with you?"  
"Not with me, no."  
They waited in silence until finally Tommy came out, holding a little brown bag and wiping at his face.  
"Shit." Cal's tone was tense.  
"Shh, it's OK Cal, just-" Lena shut up as Tommy got into the backseat. His eyes were red too. Cal started off towards the highway, and Tommy dug in his little brown bag and produced a little bottle of Johnnie Walker. He gave her an almost hostile sideways look, as if to say 'don't say a word'. Lena shook her head a little, looked out the window and away from him as he drank straight from the bottle.  
"We'll be there in less than three." Sliding his shades on, Cal punched it on the highway and they were zipping through traffic. Lena kept staring out the window, not sure what to do with Tommy in the backseat as he tried to get numb beside her as quickly as possible, when she felt his dry warm hand on hers. She looked over at him and he was openly looking at her-he looked totally bewildered. Lena's heart dropped.  
"I love you." Tommy's voice wasn't above a whisper, but she could read his lips. Somehow he had almost emptied the flask-size bottle of Johnnie. Lena winced, took the bottle away from him and slid closer to him, held his face in her hands and took him in her arms. Tommy resisted at first, then melted against her, burying his face in her hair.  
"Fuck,"he growled, "I really wanna fuckin' hit somethin'."  
"I know...just, hold me instead." She kissed his head and he sighed, giving up for the moment. Three hours was too long.  
Instead of making Tommy tired or sleepy, the whiskey keyed him up-his eyes dilated and his movements were jumpy. He was like a caged animal in the backseat with Lena, and she was increasingly uncomfortable, feeling less like his girlfriend and more like his handler. It seemed like forever until they finally pulled into the UPMC parking lot. The day was cloudy and humid in the late afternoon, and Tommy was stripping his hoodie off to reveal his broad shoulders and wide chest in a tight UFC security shirt he had traded for an autograph the night before. Lena and Cal almost had to jog to keep up with Tommy as he strode top speed into the hospital, seeming to know exactly where to go-the Cardiovascular Center. Tommy almost paced the inside of the elevator, waiting for the doors to open, and when they finally did the walk to Paddy's room seemed so far to Lena, but Tommy took her hand and almost dragged her beside him. Senna and Rita were sitting outside, looking wan and sad. Lena bent down to hug them, but Tommy wouldn't wait, he charged into the room, where Paddy was hooked up to several machines and Tess and Brendan were bedside. Tommy held onto the bed rails and looked down at his father, feeling faint but trying not to show it.  
"It's not good," Brendan said, his voice rough and his eyes red and puffy. "He took a heart attack, and then a stroke. His heart has stabilized but they're not sure how much damage was done. They did a CAT scan just an hour ago, the results should be in soon."  
Tommy didn't say anything, just stared down at his sleeping father, intubated and ghastly pale. He didn't know what to do, he felt like it was happening all over again. He was filled with panic, all he could think about was running. Then he remembered Lena was in the hallway and he ducked out to get her, find her. He took her by the hand, muttering to the small group in the hallway, "She'll be right back."  
Tommy pulled her into one of the many elevators, pushed some random button, and as soon as the elevator doors closed and it started to move he hit the emergency stop button, slid down the elevator wall and held his head in his hands. Lena looked at him, then squatted down next to him.  
"I don't know if I can do this," he rasped. Lena touched his arm and he sighed deeply.  
"It's OK, Tommy. I'm here."  
He shook his head. "No. No." Angry and rasping.  
Lena took his hands and pried them off his face and head. Tears were streaming down his face but he looked furious.  
"You can do this. I'm here. You're not alone this time."  
Tommy looked like he wanted to kill her. She wasn't sure what was going on inside his head and she should've been worried for herself as his eyes burned into her, hot tears staining his cheeks- but she wasn't.  
"I knew this was gonna happen...just not yet." His voice was a strangled whisper. "Not like this."  
"I know-"  
"He's supposed to be at Sparta. He's supposed to be at Sparta!" He yelled the last sentence and Lena worried someone might hear.  
"Shh. He still might be. You can't give up on him yet."  
"You didn't see him, Lena." Tommy shook his head. "He looks terrible."  
"He's had a trauma, but you gotta hang in there. We don't know everything yet." Her voice was soft and soothing, but Tommy still looked at her with hate and distrust. She knew it was just indicative of the overwhelming emotion he felt. He didn't say another word, just got up and hit the emergency stop button again. When the door opened on the next floor he hit the button back up, so they could return to Paddy's floor.


	55. Stop the Ship

Tommy wiped at his eyes and roughly kissed Lena’s cheek before heading back into the room. Lena found a seat next to her mom and held her hand, and after a moment she noticed Cal and Rita were missing.  
“Mom, where did everybody go?”  
“Tess came out of the room pretty upset, so they all took a walk.” Senna smiled weakly. She looked so drawn and worn out. “You doin’ ok?”  
“Yeah…” Lena sighed heavily. “Tell me what happened.”  
“Rita was picking him up from his meeting. He was acting funny from the night before, said he felt dizzy and nauseous, but we figured it was from the pills he’s on, anabuse and all that crap the doctor prescribed him. He takes like 15 pills a day! By the time they got home he was saying his chest hurt, and we got in the car and got here as fast as we could. They admitted him immediately, and then I guess he coded in the room, they wouldn’t let us in to see him.” Senna sighed shakily. “And here we are.”  
“I’m so sorry Mom. You must’ve been freaking out.” Lena hugged her mom’s shoulders. “Cal was driving as fast as he could.”  
Senna laughed softly. “Yeah you guys got here pretty fast. Tommy gonna be OK?”  
Lena shook her head slowly. “He’s trying to find his balance. Not easy when he’s on the verge all the time.”  
Just then Paddy’s door opened and Brendan stepped out, his face red and swollen.  
“Hey, Lena,” he said, his voice dry and cracked. “You can go in.”  
“Bren…you sure?” But she was already standing up as Brendan nodded his assent, his eyes filling with tears. She embraced him, his frame a little more lithe than his brother’s in her arms.  
“Yeah,” he said softly, his voice breaking up with more tears. Lena let go, patting his back, and moved past him into the room. Paddy had more machines hooked up to him than any one human she had ever seen in the hospital before. Strange blue tubes on his legs, two IVs, a catheter, the intubation, oximeter, blood pressure cuff…a few other things going on she didn’t recognize.  
And there was Tommy at the edge of the bed, staring down at him blankly. Lena approached him slowly, clearing her throat as quietly as she could.  
“Hey,” she said softly from behind him. She put her hand on his shoulder and kissed the top of his head. Tommy didn’t move, nothing registered for a moment, until finally she felt his hand on hers.   
“They’re lowering his body temperature down,” Tommy’s voice was rough and soft, she could barely hear him. “Tryin’ to stop the damage to his brain from the stroke.”  
“I didn’t know they could do such a thing.”  
“Me neither. Could stop his heart. But it’s either that or he turns into a vegetable.”   
Lena rubbed his back, massaged his shoulders. He sighed heavily, and she wasn’t sure if he was trying to relax or trying not to cry, or both, and then he stood up to take her in his arms, bury his face in her hair. Lena kept stroking him, caressing his back, trying to bring him some comfort.  
“Can’t lose him,” he said, his voice a raspy choke as he fought back more tears. Lena didn’t know what else to do, she just held onto him, and Tommy started rocking side to side, swaying gently to comfort them both.  
“I know, “she whispered. “When are you gonna know something?”  
Tommy stood still, but didn’t let go. Lena had her arms locked around his ribs, her face against his neck.  
“Today. Tests are gonna come back soon.” He pulled away and looked at her closely. “Can you do me a favor?”  
“Sure, anything.”  
“Can you go to the apartment and pack me a bag? Clothes, you know, just a few things. I don’t know how long I’m gonna be here, so…”  
“Sure, of course.” Lena looked at his sad swollen face. “I’ll get Cal to take me, and I’ll stay with you-“  
“No, no. You need to go home, go to school and work…you can’t do all that from a hospital.”  
“I can be here as much as possible. I can’t leave you alone.” Lena kissed his salty warm lips.   
“I won’t be alone, but…” Tommy looked back at his dad in the hospital bed. “You bein’ here'll help.”  
Lena disengaged from him and started towards the door. “I’ll be back.”  
“OK.” Tommy was sitting back down on the edge of the bed again. “Lena?” he called out.  
She poked her head back through the doorway. “Yeah?”  
“Thanks. I love you.” Tommy had the face of a small scared child on a wrestler's body.  
"I love you too. See you in a bit."  
Lena came back to where her mom and Brendan were sitting. Cal, Rita and Tess were walking slowly towards them from the elevators, Rita leaning on Cal’s shoulder with a teary swollen face.  
“Hey, Cal?”  
“Yeah Lee?” Cal took her in his arms and hugged her briefly.  
“Will you take me home? I gotta pack a bag for Tommy.”  
Tess and Brendan were talking softly and Rita was headed into the hospital room to join Tommy on watch.  
“Sure, of course.”  
Senna piped up, “Can I go with you guys? I need to get Rita her purse, she left it at my house.”  
So Senna, Cal and Lena piled up in the Ridgeline to head to the suburbs. Everyone was quiet, and finally Cal put the radio on to break the silence. Sports radio was on and the DJ was talking about Tommy’s fight the night before, saying how proud the ‘burgh was of him. Even Cal was mentioned, how Colt Boyd clearly found someone he trusted to corner Conlon the Killer. Cal beamed for a moment at hearing his name over the airwaves, and Senna smacked him on the shoulder from her seat beside him.  
“See that? You’re in the right place kiddo, gonna be famous.”  
“Naw, it was my first fight, I was like a ghost. Plus the guy Tommy was fighting didn’t last five minutes anyway.” Cal laughed a little. “Tommy destroyed him.”  
“He’s still got it huh?” Senna looked back at Lena, who just blushed.  
“I’d say.” Cal pulled up at Senna’s house. Lena ran in to grab Rita’s purse and a few things for her mom, and then it was back to Lena’s apartment.   
Cal and Senna looked around as Lena grabbed stuff for Tommy and shoved it in a duffel bag.   
“He has moved in, hasn’t he?” But Senna didn’t sound perturbed.  
“Yeah…Brendan and Tess are still living at Paddy’s until the house is sold. They already have a place picked out but-“  
“Listen, Lena.” Senna stopped her daughter from walking past her. “It’s OK. You don’t have to worry about me being upset about it. I know Tommy loves you, and I know it’s right. He gave you a ring, I know he’s serious.”  
“Seriously nuts,” muttered Cal.  
“Thanks brother.” Lena shot him a dirty look. “Yes he’s living here. You know I don’t shack up with just anybody, never have before, and I know you wanted me to get married first, but…we fit together, Mom. And I know sooner or later it will happen but everything is so crazy right now…”  
Senna smiled. “Just don’t elope, OK? I only have one daughter, I would like to see you in a beautiful dress on that special day.”  
Lena laughed. “OK Mom, no eloping. You guys ready or what?”  
Back to the hospital. Brendan and Tommy were inside the room with Paddy, while Rita and Tess waited outside. There still wasn’t any news, and everyone was starting to feel a little tense. Tess was worried about the kids, a neighbor girl was watching them at the moment but Tess didn’t know her very well even though she and Brendan knew her father from high school. Rita was stone silent and in shock-she was remembering too much from her husbands’ death than she cared to.  
Cal took his mom’s hand and took her to the cafeteria for some coffee, and Senna and Lena joined Tess as she sat there, her brow furrowed and her hands wringing. Lena said a quiet prayer for peace and strength, and good news, when at last the doctor arrived.  
“Hello, are you the Conlon family?”  
“Um, some of us. Paddy’s sons are in the room-“  
“Well, let’s all go in, shall we?”  
Everyone followed the doctor in the room, and Lena being the last one in, heard Cal’s voice as he emerged from the elevator.  
“Lena!”  
She held the door open for Rita and Cal as they came in the room too. The doctor looked surprised at the audience he had. Lena could see Tommy from across the room and struggled to get to him.  
“OK Doc, what’s goin’ on here?” Brendan’s voice was quiet and rough sounding, a lot like his brother's.   
“The good news is, Paddy has suffered only a minor heart attack. His heart is strong and he’s been very responsive to treatment. However he did have a stroke, and it had affected the left side of his brain, which controls speech, comprehension and reading. We will know more after we complete the cooling protocol, and we will continue to watch his heart as we start to warm him back up, because there is a chance he could have another heart attack, but honestly I think he will emerge from that just fine, his heart is good and strong. His potassium was very low and that may have contributed to the heart attack. Was he sick?”  
“He had a bad cold with a touch of pneumonia,” said Rita. “He was on antibiotics too. Plus everything else he was on.”  
“Yes, I see here he’s a recovering alcoholic, on tegretol, anabuse, diazepam…it could be all these medications plus the antibiotics that disrupted his electrolytes.”  
“So when does the cooling thing end?” Tommy’s rough slithery voice made everyone look at him.  
“We’ll be bringing him back up to normal body temperature tomorrow afternoon.”  
“Can we stay here tonight?” Brendan asked.  
“You can’t stay in the room unfortunately since this is intensive care, but you can stay in the waiting room. Just let the nurses know you’re staying so we can help to make you as comfortable as possible.”  
“OK,” said Brendan, looking at Tess.  
After taking some notes the doctor left, wishing them well and that he would see them again soon. Lena had her arms around Tommy as he held his father’s hand while everyone else talked in low tones, discussing what they were going to do, who was staying and who was going home for the night.  
“Tommy, you staying?” Brendan put his hand on Tommy’s shoulder.  
“Yeah.” Tommy was quiet and never stopped looking down at his dad. Lena kissed his cheek.  
“OK I’m staying too, Tess is going home to the kids. So it looks like it’s just you and me, unless you’re staying too Lena?”  
Lena started to answer but Tommy spoke up. “Naw, she’s goin’ home too.” He stared hard at her; he meant business.   
“Tommy…I won’t sleep anyway.”  
Tommy just shook his head slowly at her. His eyes were like hard shiny stones.  
“OK, OK. You win. This time.”  
Tommy leaned in close to her, his lips an inch or two away from hers. “You go home. Get some rest. I’ll get a ride back soon as I know Pop is OK. You do your thing, school and work and…whatever it is that you got planned already. You hear me?”  
“Mmmhmm.” Lena pressed her cheek against his, kissed him softly. “I love you.”  
“Love you too. Now get outta here.” Tommy smiled just a little, and she squeezed him as hard as she could before following the small crowd out the door. Brendan and Tess said their goodbyes, and Cal, Rita, Senna, Lena and Tess crowded into the elevator to get to their homes. The elevator was dead silent, everyone was exhausted and on edge. Meanwhile Brendan and Tommy moved to the waiting room and sat down, restless and watchful. No one was getting any sleep tonight.


	56. Cacoëthes

Lena woke up sweated and alone in her room. The clock read 5:45 AM and she had to be up in a couple hours anyway, so she got out of bed to make some coffee and check her phone. There was a message from Tommy-“Can’t sleep. This sucks”-and it was timed at 3:15 AM. She messaged back-“You still up?” It took a minute for him to respond, “Yeah. I miss you. Bren is snoring like a pig.” “Can you call me?” she asked, and a moment later her phone was ringing.  
“Hey you.” She held the phone in the crook of her arm as she poured the water in the coffee pot.  
“Hey. Why you up so early doll?”  
“I fell asleep sometime after two and just had a nightmare, woke me up. I have a 10AM class so I just decided to get up and make some coffee.”  
“Hmm sounds good.” Tommy’s growl thrilled her earhole.  
“Yeah. You haven’t slept at all?”  
“Nope. Just waiting for something to happen here. Goin’ fuckin’ nuts. So how ‘bout this…whyncha come pick me up, let’s have some breakfast. You’ll get to class on time still.”  
Lena looked at the clock. She didn’t want to worry about it, she just wanted to see him. “Yeah, lemme grab a shower, I’ll be there in 30.”  
“OK.” Tommy hung on the line for a minute. “I’ll see ya.”  
“OK. Love you.” She hung up right away and jumped in the shower.   
The coffee was done when she came out, so she swiped some make up on, dressed in jeans and a Pittsburgh Steelers shirt that hugged her frame just right, and grabbed her coffee to go. The morning rush traffic wasn’t bad yet at 6:35 in the morning, so she made it to the hospital in good time. Tommy walked out of the hospital as she pulled up to the spot he told her to go to, and got in the car. He had changed into another pair of jeans she had packed for him, and had a black shirt with Colt’s Gym logo in yellow across the front. His eyes were swollen and sleepy from lack of sleep and probably tears, but his body flexed and moved like a panther,seemingly unscathed by the lack of sleep. Lena was biting her lip watching him.  
Tommy kissed her, took a drink of her coffee and kissed her again. Neither said much, Lena just drove as Tommy turned up the radio and they headed to a spot Lena knew served some decent breakfast.  
At the little greasy spoon she picked, Tommy sat across from her and stirred his coffee, looking at her with slitty blue eyes. The waitress had seemed a little nervous and now Lena realized why as she came back to the table with a cook and busboy in tow.  
“Excuse me, but…are you Tommy Conlon?”  
Tommy sighed, gave Lena a private little smile, and looked at the small group bunched at his table. “Yeah. That’s me.”  
The waitress smiled excitedly to the guys with her. ”I told you! Mr.Conlon can you sign this for me?” She handed him a blank order ticket, and Tommy slowly took it.  
“Sure.” He signed it and handed it back.  
“Thank you so much. My cousin is a huge fan!”   
The cook and busboy had him sign tickets for them too, and they all told him how great he was and how he was Pittsburgh’s pride. Tommy was a little flushed but quiet as he thanked them and put his head back down to stare into his coffee, until they went away, chattering excitedly amongst themselves. Tommy seemed to have shut down, and Lena reached across the table for his hand, which he grasped right away.  
“Tommy…you gotta get better at this kinda thing-“  
“No I don’t.”  
“Yeah, you do. This is gonna happen a lot, you know.”  
“I don’t like it. Makes me uncomfortable.”  
Lena shook her head. Tommy was still looking down at his coffee. The waitress came back with their food, and seeing Tommy’s non-responsiveness she left right away.   
“I’m sorry, Lena.” He looked up at her and she could see all the raw emotion there. “Kinda dealin’ with a lot right now.”  
Lena sighed. “No, I’m sorry Tommy. I sound like an asshole. I just felt bad, that’s all. Let’s just forget it-“  
“I can’t forget it. I don’t know if Pop is gonna make it, and I feel like I’m dyin’ too.” He shook his head, his eyes turning red. “Can we take this to go?”  
Lena looked around for the waitress-she was at the counter, talking to a couple of customers and showing them the autographed ticket she had. Lena got up and went over to her, asking for to-go boxes and wanting to pay the check. When she came back to the table, Tommy was gone. Lena boxed up the food and went out to the car, where she found him standing, talking on the phone. She could tell it was Brendan on the other line. She unlocked the car doors and they got in.  
“Yeah…I’ll be back soon Bren…I understand, go if you have to…I’ll be back in about an hour…OK.” Tommy hung up and rested his head back, sighing.  
“Everything OK?” Lena started the car. “You need to get back to the hospital?”  
Tommy shook his head no. “Can we go to the apartment? I need some things from there.”  
“Yeah. Sure.” Lena headed out of the parking lot and about 15 minutes later they were at the apartment. Tommy got out without saying a word, took her hand and practically dragged her inside the building. He bounded up the stairs and she jogged behind him to keep up.  
“Tommy…are you OK?”  
No answer. Once inside, Tommy grabbed her to him and kissed her, taking her hand and guiding it up his shirt.  
“Touch me,” he groaned, and tears spilled down his cheeks. Lena ran both her hands under his shirt, pushing it up to his neck and urging him to pull it off. He practically tore it off, now pressing his bare torso against her. She grasped at his zipper as he mauled her neck and tore at her clothes, his hips impatiently grinding against hers.  
“Fuck Lena,” he growled, his face wet with tears, sliding against her skin. She shuddered, finally finding the zipper and yanked it down, setting his cock free. Tommy groaned again, pulling at her jeans and knocking her back onto the couch. Lena witnessed as he stripped himself of the rest of his clothes, and watching the beauty of it she almost forgot to undress herself. Tommy was coming for her anyway, and she had managed to get her shirt off and her jeans halfway down when he was on top of her, kissing her, drinking her in, unsnapping her bra to suckle her nipples as she kicked her jeans and panties off, moaning under his touch. He wasted no time and was sliding down her body to lift her legs over his shoulders and kneel down in front of her, burying his face in her sex. She cried out helplessly as he attacked her with his lips and tongue, and his fingers found the way inside of her, making her stiffen and clench around him, her heels meeting at the back of his head.  
“Tommy, Tommy!!” She felt as if she would be sucked up entirely into his generous mouth and his fingers pumped her relentlessly-she could feel the juices running and it was almost over right then, but Tommy was up and thrusting into her, his face wet with tears and sex and showing the conflict of relief and frustration at the same time. Lena’s eyes moved down his powerful neck, his wide muscled torso, to his flexing washboard stomach, down to the dark nest of hair that his cock rose out of and was plunging deep into her over and over. She orgasmed uncontrollably, and Tommy groaned loudly as he rode her hard, his knees against the edge of the couch and his hips pinioning her to the couch. Lena reached out for him, perhaps to pull him down to her, but instead he took her hands and held them tight to her sides- his thrusts became harder, rougher, and it was starting to hurt a little, but Lena came again, almost fighting against him, trying to free her hands but Tommy kept her locked up and kept going, making sounds she had never heard before, and she realized he was still weeping, his eyes blind, his mind somewhere else. Lena locked her legs around him and forced him to ease up, and only then did she see him come back-his eyes fixed on her and he looked so terribly sad. Lena broke free of his grip and she pulled herself up to wrap herself around him, taking his head in her arms. Tommy stood up and carried her to the bedroom, and lowered the both of them down to the mattress on the floor.  
“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I don’t wanna hurt you.”  
“It’s OK Tommy.” She rested back and urged him, her hips nudging his. “It’s OK.”  
Looking in her eyes he began again, and resting on his elbows he kept the intense eye contact with her as he thrusted into her slowly, rotating inside her, grinding and filling her. She tried to keep her eyes open, watching the colors change in his irises like a kaleidoscope-blue, green, gold, grey-but it became impossible as the head of his cock bumped and massaged inside her, the long thick shaft filling her until she thought she would burst. Her hands gripped his lower back and she was pressing down against the mattress to arc her hips up and take more of him as the orgasm burst like a cannonade, loud and bombarding through her body, making her thrash against his strong formidable frame. Before she could fully recover she could feel him spasming strongly inside and around her, his breath and voice hiccupping in her ear. Tommy lay on top of her, damn near crushing her, and Lena welcomed it, holding him as his breathing slowed and the heat and sweat dried and cooled in the now- still morning of her apartment.  
“I just wanna stay here with you all day.” Tommy sighed, kissing her temple, her cheek, her ear.  
“Love that,” she whispered, and met his mouth with hers to kiss him, her arms squeezing him and caressing him. They lay like that for a while, neither one of them wanting to get up, and then Tommy’s phone ringing shocked them back into reality.  
“Fuck.” He got up and went to get his phone out of his jeans, and Lena slowly got up to run the shower for the second time that day.


	57. Juggling Madness

Lena was driving Tommy back to the hospital in relative silence. He had withdrawn almost completely and Lena wasn’t sure how to make him come out of his shell.  
“Want me to walk you up?” Lena sat in front of the hospital with the car running. Tommy had already unbuckled his seatbelt and was halfway out of the car.  
“No. S’OK. You get to class.” He kissed her cheek and hopped out, heading straight in without looking back. Lena sat for a moment, feeling lost, until someone behind her honked and snapped her back into the moment.  
“OK, fuck you too buddy.” Lena sped off. If she drove how she normally did she would make it to class on time.  
The rest of the day was annoyingly silent. Cal didn’t have class that day so she didn’t see him, just her friends from class that noticed she was out of it all day. Lena tried not to look at her phone every five minutes, but it was so hard.  
Finally it was 2:15 and she was heading back to her car. She was due in work at 4:30 but she got ready and headed in early anyway. Tommy wasn’t responding to any of her texts and she decided to give up and throw herself into work. Vince was in the back with Butch and they were getting trays together for a big party coming in at 6pm.  
“Hey kid, c’mere and help us with this.” Vince looked irritated.  
“Yeah, we need a woman’s touch.” Butch was trying to make an antipasto tray look pretty but to Lena it looked like roadkill.  
“What’s all this for?”  
“Fuckin’ bridal shower. The bride’s mom is a witch and she’s drivin’ me nuts!” Vince wiped sweat from his brow with the sleeve of his $250 shirt. “Goddamn parsley.” He chucked the decorative sprigs down on the tray. Now it really looked like shit. “There, fuck it, how’s that?”  
Lena cracked up. “Oh yeah boss, looks awesome.” She put on some gloves and started rearranging things, twisting the parsley sprigs together to make it look presentable. “Better?”  
Vince and Butch were standing back, both of them nodding.   
“Yeah. Much better.”  
Vince shook his head. “Where the fuck were you an hour ago kid?”  
“I had class, Boss. I’m here an hour and a half early.” Lena winked. “OK, what’s next?”  
Before she knew it Lena had arranged three more trays and then helped set up a wide corner of the restaurant for this bridal shower she had no prior knowledge of. She had to run down to Harold’s flower shop for the table decorations, and then Prantl’s bakery to get the mini-wedding cake cupcakes. When she returned, Lena could see for herself as Vince took a long phone call from the bride’s mother that this whole ordeal was a complete pain in the ass. Vince set the phone down in the receiver, his face red.  
“I can’t believe this woman.”  
Lena laid the two receipts down on the desk. “Boss, why are you doing this?”  
“Friend of a friend. You know how that shit is. I’ll tell ya one thing, I ain’t never doin’ this kinda shit again!” Vince grabbed her by her shoulders and shook her a little. “Thank God for you kid. It’s gonna get rough and I’m really glad you’re here.”  
Lena laughed. “Yeah, I don’t know that I’m as glad as you, but you know I got your back.”  
“Well, I mean…with Paddy in the hospital I didn’t think you were comin’ in-“  
“No, I tried that. Tommy’s not having any of it, he wants me to do my thing. I wanted to be there but he doesn’t want me to put my life on hold.”  
Vince smiled a little. “He’s a man’s man. Whatever the case I appreciate it. As you can see I got my hands full with this shit.” He clapped his hands together and glared at her. “Let’s go kick some ass!”  
Just as Vince said, the bride’s mother was awful. Whenever she could get away from the beastly hag, Lena would check her phone, but still no word from Tommy, or anyone else for that matter. As it turned out she was running ragged, between the shower and the regular business it was hard to even have a drink of water or use the bathroom. By the end of the night Lena’s crisp white dress shirt was stained with champagne and frosting, and her knee-length black pencil skirt was torn at the hem from getting caught on something behind the bar. Louis did not look very sorry as he watched her try to fix it and only make it worse- now it was split mid-thigh on the side.  
“Wow.”   
Lena looked up at Louis’ wistful gaze. “Wow what?”  
He sighed heavily. “Tommy’s a lucky guy, that’s all I’m sayin’.”  
Lena smacked him with a bar towel. “Louis! Shut up will ya? Now I look like a tramp.” Her long well-knit leg was exposed and she felt embarrassed going back onto the floor, but she had no choice.   
After Vince finally shut and locked the front doors, he sat down at the bar with Louis, Butch and Lena to have a drink. It had been that kind of night. Louis mixed up some Galliano Vanilla, Limoncello, and Prosecco, and poured it on ice. It tasted so delicious, and well-earned, as everyone sat down for just a moment together.  
After a long silence with everyone just sipping their drinks, Vince finally spoke.  
“Jesus Christ what a night.”  
Everyone laughed softly. “Yeah boss, but we made it. Here’s to you.” Louis held his glass up and everyone but Vince toasted.  
“Naw, here’s to you guys, wouldn’ta made it without yous. Salute!” Vince toasted and knocked his drink back. “Gimme another, Lou!”  
“It’s called La Dolce Vita,” Louis smiled, filling Vince’s glass.  
“That’s great, kid, I don’t care what it’s called though, just happy to be guzzlin’ it.”  
Lena had her phone on the bartop, and as she was finishing her second drink it finally started to buzz. It was just a text though, and it was from Brendan’s phone.  
‘Hey, it’s Tommy. My phone’s dead. Call me when you can.’  
Lena tried to stand up off her barstool and almost slid to the floor. Butch was helping her up, laughing loudly.  
“Kid you OK?” Vince took her by the arm and they walked to the office together. The servers were about ready to bring in their tickets anyway.  
“Yeah, I gotta call Tommy. Haven’t heard from him all day, phone was dead I guess.”  
Vince sat her down in the office. Her head was swimming, and she felt sick.  
“You drank that shit too fast, Lee.”  
“Holy shit, what was in there?” Lena tried to focus but her vision was a little blurry.  
“Butch!” Vince called out. “Bring me somethin’ to eat for Lena here!”  
Next thing she knew Butch was waving a plate of leftover food from the trays that night. Lena smelled the olives and turned green.  
“Not that shit Butch, what the hell you thinkin’? Get some bread, will ya?”  
“Vinegar,” was all Lena said.  
“What?” Vince was staring at her incredulously.  
“That vinegar smell…oh I thought I was gonna puke.”  
“Yeah, I know, I can’t believe he brought that in here.” Vince stood on the other side of the desk, his hands on his hips. Despite how she felt she smiled at him- he looked like he just walked off the set of Goodfellas,, slicked back hair, black slacks, white shirt and red tie, gold cufflinks and heavy gold watch.  
“Don’t be mad at him Uncle Vince, he’s tryin’ to help…” Lena dragged the office trash can towards her and looked down in it. “Goddammit I don’t have time for this.”  
“You’ll be awright, kid. You just drank too much on an empty stomach. You think you so tough, eh?” Vince chuckled.  
“Just thirsty.” Lena hunched in a ball and took a deep breath.  
“So uh…you and Tommy gonna get married or what? Ya mom was tellin’ me you two moved in together. Wassamatta, you can’t tell your uncle Vince nuthin’?” But Vince was smiling at her.  
“You know how it is…I been busy Unc. He’s been busy.”  
“Yeah you got a lot goin’ on. I just wanna make sure you still down for bein’ my partner. “  
“Course I am, boss.” Lena burped and it tasted like Galliano. “Ugh.”  
Butch came in with a couple of sweet rolls for Lena. She very gingerly began to eat, and the servers brought their tickets in to Vince so he could start balancing. When they lingered too long, Vince shooed them out.  
“Get outta here, I’ll find you!”  
In a little while Lena started feeling better and she reached for the tickets on the desk that Vince hadn’t gotten to yet, and he about slapped her hand away.  
“You feelin’ better?” He peered at her from the top of his glasses.  
“Yeah.” But she really wasn’t, not that much.  
“OK good, now get the fuck outta here. Go to the hospital. Crazy Irish needs ya.”  
Lena stared at him for a moment. “I think I’m still a little drunk.”  
Vince shrugged. “Eat the rest of the bread and drive slow. G’bye!”  
Lena got up and shuffled out, cussing under her breath. In the kitchen she saw Louis and Butch laughing and washing dishes. They stopped when they saw her, but Butch cracked up again watching her walk slowly towards the back door.  
“Hey Lena, you gonna be OK?” Louis was at her side suddenly, his hand on the door. Lena looked at him suspiciously.  
“You mix drinks like the devil would. I’ll be fine. ‘Night guys.” She got down the stairs just fine but Louis stayed at the door and watched her anyway. She took her heels off and drove carefully to the hospital, calling Tommy on the way.  
“Hey.” He sounded relieved to hear from her. “You comin’ down?”  
“Yeah. I’m on my way. You doin’ OK, Tommy?”  
“Yeah. You doin’ awright? Sound a little tired.”  
“Long night. Drank something wicked. But I’m OK. Be there in 20.”  
“Hey, you sure you can drive Lena?”  
Lena hiccupped, then laughed a little. “It sounds worse than it actually is. Don’t worry Tommy. I’ll see ya in a few.”  
“OK. Love you.” His gruff growl gave her a shiver.  
“Love you too.”  
Twenty two minutes later she was pulling up to the hospital and Tommy was waiting outside, pacing back and forth in front, worried and impatient.  
“Dammit, took you long enough. Where are your shoes?!?” Tommy looked pissed.  
“Oh. Yeah.” She pulled them out of her purse and slipped them on. Tommy was shaking his head.  
“Holy fuck.” He started making his way towards her and she stood stock still. He stood in front of her with his hand out, his face a mask of irritation. “Gimme the keys. I’m drivin’ you home, Lena, right now.”  
“The fuck you are. I drove out here, the least you could do is buy me a shitty coffee from the vending machine and gimme a goddamn update!”  
Tommy looked pissed, but his voice was scary calm. “You’re lucky you made it here in one piece, Lena. Y’smell like a goddamn bar. Gimme the keys.”  
“I work in a bar, Tommy! No, stop it, you can’t have my keys!” She batted his hands away from her but he swiped the keys out of her grip anyway. “What the fuck, I never treated you like this all those times you got drunk and did stupid shit!”  
Tommy grabbed her arm and started dragging her back to the car. “This ain’t about me, Lena.” His voice still so quiet and calm, but oh so menacing.  
“I only had two drinks, Jesus Christ!”  
“You’re making a scene.”  
“No, you’re pulling my fuckin’ arm off! What the fuck Tommy?”  
Tommy pressed her against the car, and Lena fought uselessly, cussing him. “Listen to me. LISTEN.” His voice was deep and loud now. “Pop is better. He made it through the procedure. He has to wake up on his own now. When that happens the doctors can evaluate him better.” He shook her hard for just a moment. “I don’t need you gettin’ in a fuckin’ wreck, Lena, I can’t lose you. Do you understand that?” He backed off her and his voice was cracking as he tried not to yell. “I can’t lose you too!”  
Lena reached out for him as he took a few steps backwards. “Tommy…”  
“No. Don’t you fuckin’ touch me…” He stood still, pinching his eyebrows as tears spilled down his cheeks. “I’m sick of this shit, I’m starting to crack.”  
Lena stood by the car, waiting for the next moment, fight or flight, conflict or resolution. Tommy still had her keys either way.  
Finally Tommy sighed and just looked at her. Lena stared back at him, perfectly sober and more than a little pissed. He approached her slowly, and she wasn’t sure what he was going to say or do.  
“I’m sorry. OK? Fuckin’ losin’ it here.” He tossed her the keys. “Here. You can go home if you want.”  
Lena stared at him for a moment, then almost lost her temper again. “I came here to be with you. Be there for you. So what the fuck, you just gonna dismiss me now?”  
Tommy put his hands up. “No. You can stay. Long as you want.”  
“Well fuck. I don’t know what I wanna do now.” Lena looked up at the moon and sighed heavily. She heard Tommy chuckle. “Really? What’s so funny?”  
Tommy shook his head. “I love you Lena. With all my heart.” He had her up against the car again before she even had a chance to react, and he was kissing her neck, chewing her exposed collarbone. Lena had no choice but to give in, her entire body was reacting with joy and melting with desire for him.  
“Damn you Tommy…”  
He stopped eating her throat and looked in her eyes, breathing hot on her face. “What..?”  
“How can you piss me off like that…please don’t do that anymore…”  
Tommy smiled his crooked toothy smile at her. “Not makin’ promises I can’t keep.”  
“Ah fuck you then,” she breathed and kissed him like they weren’t in a hospital parking lot and a security van wasn’t rolling up on them.  
“Ahem. Excuse me!”  
Tommy pulled away from Lena and looked into the flashlight shining in his eyes. The female guard was barely visible in the glare.  
“You guys got somewhere else to go or what?”  
Lena laughed softly and Tommy waved her off. “We were just leaving.”  
“Good.” The guard drove forward a little but not much. Lena looked at Tommy and they both cracked up.  
“C’mon, let’s go home.”  
“Yeah?” Lena was suddenly so excited.  
“Yeah.” Tommy kissed her cheek, and when she tried to pass him the keys he shoved them back at her. “No, you’re drivin’. C’mon let’s get the fuck outta here.”


	58. Beautifully Broken

Lena drove like a bat out of hell out of the parking lot, and Tommy rolled the window down and hung his head out, closing his eyes and sighing. Lena wanted to imagine he was happy to be out of the hospital, but maybe he was just trying not to be sick from her driving. Lena sped along the I-376 to cross the river home. She reached for his hand resting idly in his lap, and he turned his head to gaze at her. She sighed, enjoying the view and smiled warmly at him, her heart surging for him.  
“I love it when you get pissed off, I can’t lie,” Tommy said, smirking. Lena laughed, shaking her head. It was a beautiful night and Lena was feeling much better, relaxed even, as they crossed the mighty Monongahela River and the Cowboy Junkies’ “Sweet Jane” played softly over the radio-Lena swore she heard Tommy humming along but didn’t lower the volume to find out for sure.  
Finally at the apartment, and Tommy was practically leaping out of the car-her driving almost scared him, if a guy like Tommy could scare easy that is. Lena was ahead of him up the stairs, pulling her heels off as she went, and he was right behind her, holding her hips the whole way.  
Inside he was all over her, and Lena felt almost overwhelmed-his passion ran as high and loomed as large as his physique. He pushed her up against the door and reached up inside her skirt to yank her panties down, holding her bare legs up and then sliding her down his body until she fell into the cradle of his hips-when he had time to unzip his jeans she didn’t know, but she wasn’t concerned about it as his warm stiff cock was inside her to the hilt.  
“Uhhhhmmmmm Lena…” He was fucking her against the front door, his hands on her buttocks to hold her up against him as he powerfully pumped her body with his. There was nowhere to go - her feet were clean off the floor and she was pinned to the door, even if she had felt the inclination resistance was futile. She shivered and shuddered, watching him watch her as she started orgasming hard on him, and through it she was vaguely aware of the front of his jeans wet against her skin.  
“Tommy, Tommy…” She was breathless and half-insane.  
“Hmmm…baby…” He took her down from the door and carried her to the bedroom, still buried deep inside of her. She clung to him, held tight to him, all she wanted was him tangled up in bed with her to kiss and caress him, but he wasn’t through with her yet. He gently fell on her in the bed and continued his onslaught, uncaring that they were for the most part still dressed, he used his body weight to pin her and fill her- she heard a tearing noise and she was pretty sure her skirt had officially bit the dust, and she wrapped her legs around his bulky frame and he rocked against her harder, tearing at her shirt until buttons were popping off and he could get her breasts in his palm, and Lena was grabbing his forearms as he pressed down on her to piston in and out faster, harder, making her cry out like she was in labor, trying to handle his hunger, his vehemence and his sheer size, inside her, above her, against her. Tommy was a force to be reckoned with.  
“Marry me, Lena.” His voice was thick and rough, but carried that pitch that was unmistakably clear. She opened her eyes for the first time it seemed, looking into the darkness for his face, and finding it looming above her, sweaty and serious and beautifully male with the angelic features she loved so well.  
“Wha…Tommy?”  
“I’m serious…you’re everything to me.”  
She looked up at him for a moment, unsure of what to say. She felt as if there was no other idea she ever could have about them that didn’t include them getting married - it was destined, or fated. But it was all so soon at the same time. She felt any hesitation on her part would crush him, but she also knew Tommy was working from his instincts- he could think things through, but didn’t want to bother when he arrived at the same conclusion more often than not using just his razor-sharp wits. He felt the same as she-they couldn’t be apart now that they were together, there was no other in the world for either one of them. It felt as if they were reunited from another life. Why fight it?  
When she didn’t answer right away, Tommy smiled knowingly. He had stilled now, and sweat was beginning to dry in the cool dark bedroom that was now his as well as hers. Except for their attempts to catch their breath the room was quiet. He straightened up and pulled his shirt off, took his shoes and jeans off. Lena was yanking her clothes off too, not much left at that point anyway.  
“Me and my big mouth, huh?” Tommy sat near her, smiling a little. It was still dark in the room, Lena’s crazy gun-toting downstairs neighbor had shot the streetlight out again. “What can I say, Lena, life’s short. Lookin’ at Pop makes me think about that.”  
She was sitting up, her back against the wall, and she had drawn the sheet around her. “I know Tommy…you know I want to say yes, but how soon you talkin’?”  
“What you think I mean, tomorrow? Nah I mean…soon, maybe the end of the year? Fuck I dunno…”  
Lena smiled brightly. “I just can’t elope, Tommy. Strict orders from mom.”  
He laughed softly. “I know, she warned me already. I just….I have to win Sparta and then we can do it after.”  
Lena smiled wide and nodded. “That sounds good. Yeah.”  
“Yeah?” Tommy was falling all over her again, eating her up with biting sucking kisses, and she was trapped beneath him again, she couldn’t recall how he did it but he moved so fast sometimes it was easy to get dizzy. She felt his hand on the small of her back and she was helpless as he pounded her spot with short hard thrusts, sweating and groaning in her ear, and everything was bright and loud and wet as she came and came again.  
“Yes Tommy, yes yes,” she cried, “I’m all yours all yours forever…”  
Tommy burst inside her like a neutron bomb, sealing her to his body as he froze with the flurry of intense spasms, his strangled cry a bellowing cough that reverberated through the room.  
“Fuckin’ right you are,” he panted, falling on top of her, “lock and key.”


	59. A Broken Heart is Blind

The next morning, Lena awoke to the sound of the shower and a clean warm mist drifting into the bedroom, and it smelled like citrus musk. She rolled onto her back and took a deep breath-it was going to be a while before she could breathe easy again that day: class, work, and maybe hospital if Tommy would let her join him at Paddy’s side.  
She got up and started the coffee, then drifted into the bathroom to hear Tommy humming something off key. She smiled to herself, and then pulled the shower curtain back to see his bare back with suds and hot water running down it, and she was agape for a moment-he was pure physical perfection, and he was in her bathroom, and he was all hers.  
Tommy turned and caught her peeking at him, and a naughty smile curled his mouth up.  
“Really Lena?” He shook his head, then threw it back to rinse the rest of the shampoo out of his hair. “Fuckin’ perv.”  
“Hey, it’s not every day I have a fine-ass motherfucker in my shower, so kill me if I check you out.” She got in with him and he was laughing softly.  
“Nah, ain’t gonna kill ya. I like it.” He fixed his eyes on her and growled softly. “You sure you wanna be in here?”  
She looked alarmed. “Uh, yeah. I think so.”  
“Well see, you’re in trouble.” His big hands were squeezing on her upper arms and he was guiding her away from the spray of water and against the tile wall. “What should I do about you peepin’ on me, hmm?”  
Lena smiled, but sure enough he made her tingle with uncertainty as he stared her down-her back was against the wet tile and she shivered uncontrollably. Tommy could intimidate with just a look, and she giggled nervously in his clutches.  
“What do you think is fair?” She slid her legs around his and felt herself lifted and pinned between his firm body and the shower wall.  
“Hmmmm.” Tommy just growled, and she could feel him throbbing and sliding against her, trying to get inside. She grabbed his hair at the back of his neck and pulled just enough to elicit a reaction. “Oh you fucked up now,” he huffed and he thrusted into her with his full weight, making her gasp and cry out as she was roughly filled with him, her hands gripping his shoulders tight as she looked down into his intense expression, war and sex and love and hunger burning in his dark aquamarine eyes, his cheeks high with color and his lips pinkish-red with the heat of the shower.  
“Goddamn Tommy you’re unreal,” she gasped, and he was almost hurting her with his rapid-fire thrusts. It was so easy to get lost in sensation with him, easy to lose herself in him-she just let go, and he dragged her off into another world of ecstasy and flooding multi-colored waves of electric heat.  
“Look at me,” he rasped in a commanding tone. Her eyes flew open and she looked down into his eyes as he rocked her deep and hard. “My life is yours.”  
“Tommy-“  
“Nothing I want more than you,” he said, his voice hitching with building intensity. “Marry you…I wanna put a baby in there…” His cock dug around inside her and she was going insane with the approaching orgasm.  
“Tommy!” Lena was clamping down on him and coming hard, her nails digging into the flesh of his shoulders.  
“Ah that hurts,” he whispered and he was coming too, stumbling into her as he cried out softly, shuddering and filling her with the silky heat of his body. “Always my girl…”  
“Always…”Lena kissed the top of his head as he struggled to breathe, his cheek pressed to her chest. “As long as we both live…”  
Tommy stayed quiet, just rested against her and sighed. Her legs were starting to cramp but she didn’t want to let him go, not yet.  
“No matter what?” he asked quietly.  
“No matter what,” she said, wondering why he even had to ask, and her knee-jerk reaction was humor. “I mean unless you clip your toenails in bed or somethin’, I can’t put up with that.”  
Tommy heard the smile in her voice, but when he looked at her he looked stone cold. “I’m serious. After Sparta, win or lose you and I are gonna do this. I ain’t lettin’ you go, not ever.”  
Lena wasn’t smiling anymore. Looking into his darkening eyes she felt that uncertainty creeping up again, this time unwelcomed.  
“Do I have a choice?”  
Tommy looked as if he had been slapped. “Yeah. You can walk away any time. I never will.”  
She looked puzzled and Tommy’s mood was swinging like a wrecking ball. Her feet were flat on the shower floor and she couldn’t remember how or when that had happened. Without another word he exited the shower and left her there with the hot water running out. She quickly did what she had to and got out, deciding that she wouldn’t say anything to him either. She found him in the kitchen, faded blue jeans snug on him and a dark grey tee barely covering his massive tatted arms. He looked her over the way that only he could, condescending, scathing almost. She couldn’t figure out what his problem was, but she wasn’t going to light into him if he was looking for a fight. She stood on the other side of the kitchen and looked at him blankly.  
“You want some coffee?” But he didn’t ask, just mumbled, and started pouring them both a cup, then dumped some sugar in hers before handing it her. His face was still a mask of irritation.  
“Thanks.” She sipped hers and looked at him again, watched him drink and couldn’t help but notice how small the mug looked in his hand. “Why are you upset, Tommy?”  
“Not upset.” He almost hiding behind his cup now, peering at her with his stormy gaze. Lena shook her head.  
“Are you gonna talk to me?”  
“What am I doin’ right now?”  
“Looking pissed. I don’t know what I did.”  
This time Tommy shook his head. “Ya didn’t do anything. Awright? You just…always seem like you’re one foot out the door.”  
“No, I’m not-“  
“Yeah you are, you’re lookin’ for the exit sign, like you’re ready to bail.”  
“No I’m not, Tommy! Jesus how can you say that?” She looked at him, tried to catch his eyes but he looked everywhere else, not at her. “I don’t understand how you can say that.”  
“Well it’s true, I mean every time I say anything about us you clam up or make jokes, so what else am I supposed to think-“  
She hated his tone, it was almost demeaning. Now she was furious, but she tried so very hard to keep a lid on it.  
“Listen to me. I don’t have to explain myself or defend myself to you when your argument is invalid. You didn’t want us to be together, we weren’t. You decided you wanted to be together, we were. You wanted to move in together, we have. Everything has been your call, Tommy, I agree because I want it too. What do you want me to do, start sending invitations? We can’t even set a date yet!”  
“That’s not what I’m talkin’ about and you know it. You’re scared, and I don’t know if it’s me, or what.” Lena started to answer, talk over his muted deep voice, but he cut her off. “I had to get through a lot on my own. I know fear.”  
“Yeah I’m scared, it’s a big decision. And I wonder where you’ll be ten years from now, where will I be, what’s gonna happen-“  
“Don’t waste another minute on that,” Tommy barked. “Anything can happen, today…tomorrow…fuck your ten years. Who knows about any of it. That’s why I’m kinda in a hurry, Lena. Already told you-“ He took the coffee out of her hand and slammed it on the counter, rushing her, pushing against her, holding her face to kiss her. “-I don’t wanna to lose you.”  
Lena broke from his kiss and fought against him a little to free herself. “And I told you, you won’t. Getting pissed at me won’t help. You know I’m yours, Tommy, you know that!”  
He stared down at her and she could see the conversation was over. His eyes were misting over and his lips were parted, his breath was quickening. He pulled her wet hair back from her face and wrapped his thick arms around her, locking her up against him to drag her off to the bedroom.  
“Show me,” he huffed.


	60. Cough Syrup

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If I could find a way to see this straight  
> I'd run away  
> To some fortune that I should have found by now
> 
> And so I run now to the things they said could restore me  
> Restore life the way it should be  
> I'm waiting for this cough syrup to come down
> 
> Life's too short to even care at all,  
> I'm losing my mind losing my mind losing control
> 
> Young The Giant - Cough Syrup

Lena was laying still, her head on his shoulder as they both fought to catch their breath.  
“Tommy…”  
“Yeah…”  
“Do you really think I would ever break up with you or leave you?”  
Tommy was quiet for a moment. “Yeah,” he finally answered. “I get tired of being around me, can’t imagine why you would stay.”  
“It never occurs to you that I love you and I’m all yours?”  
“Yeah. I know that. Just… suspicious I guess.”  
“What? Suspicious of what?”  
Tommy sighed. She couldn’t see his face, her head was resting low on his shoulder and she really didn’t feel like looking up-he had wiped her out once again.  
“Don’t know what you see in me. Don’t know why you’d stay. Drives me insane thinkin’ bout you leavin’ me. Wanna push you far away from me too. You don’t see what I see.”  
“No. I don’t, Tommy. I’m with you because I want to. It’s been rough, but that’s life, isn’t it? Not supposed to be wine and roses every day.”  
“No. But…” Tommy flipped her over so she was on top of him and looking into those beautiful green-blue eyes. “You deserve wine and roses every day, doll. Y’kill it at work, at school…you should have the best of everything.”  
Lean smiled wide, her dark hair falling in his face. “I do have the best, I have Tommy Conlon in my corner. What else could I ask for?”  
Tommy shook his head but he was smiling. “Ah you’re hopeless.”  
“I know this already.” She nuzzled his stubbly chin, kissed his full smiling lips, lingered for a moment and kissed him again. “Damn. Don’t we have things to do today?”  
“Don’t remind me…”  
And as if on cue, Tommy’s phone began the shrill interruption that ended their intimate moment. Lena let him up and watched him stumble off to find his phone-looked like he was exhausted too.  
Lena was already in the shower when he came back-she couldn’t tell what was going on, his face was a blank mask, but it was obvious something was up.  
“Hey,” he said in his low raspy tone, yanking the curtain back and getting in. “I gotta get back to the hospital, Pop woke up.”  
“OK, sure Tommy, no problem.” She watched him quickly scrub up and followed suit, all the while watching his body move, hot water and friction turning his skin red. She saw her teeth marks and scratches on him, not bad but enough to be noticeable. “Damn Tommy, I really don’t mean to do this to you…” She ran her fingertips along a little bite on his chest.  
Tommy opened his eyes and looked at her, smiling wickedly. “I don’t stop you, do I?”  
Lena blushed in the misty heat of the shower. She rinsed off and shut the water off, and he still stood there looking at her, although his expression changed again, almost blank.  
“Lena…I’m sorry about earlier... I wasn’t tryin’ to pick a fight with you. I really feel like I’m gonna end up at the VA with a nervous breakdown.”  
Lena hugged him tightly, sealing their wet hot skin together. “You can’t, Tommy. I need you to keep it together. I need you.”  
He sighed shakily, and pushed her back a little. “Yeah. Sparta in seven weeks. I can’t miss that.” A ghost of a smile crossed his face. “We gonna take some coffee to go?”  
At the hospital-Brendan was outside on a phone call, and he hugged his brother and Lena before they went in, where Cal, Colt, Rita and Senna were crowded in the hallway outside Paddy’s door.  
“What’s goin’ on?” Tommy looked a little wild-eyed at everyone.  
“Um, Paddy’s awake but they got a couple doctors in there, testing his coordination and speech…” Cal looked away as Tommy’s eyes burned into him. It wasn’t anything personal, Tommy was just mildly psychologically disturbed already and every time he stepped foot in the hospital he was fighting back anxiety attacks- it showed in his eyes as they flashed feral and dark grey.  
“Hmm.” He looked over at Colt and nodded. “Coach.”  
“Yeah, Tommy…I gotta talk to you. Gotta minute?” Colt looked stern and Lena felt worried-she had just noticed he was carrying a little attaché case. She watched Tommy disappear down a corridor with Colt and she turned to Cal to narrow her eyes at him.  
“What’s that about?”  
“How the fuck should I know?” Cal shrugged and Rita smacked his shoulder. “Ow, Ma!”  
“Watch your mouth, Callum. I hate it when you curse.”  
Lena smiled while Cal rolled his eyes. She hugged Rita and her mom, the sense of relief mixed with tension was palpable in the narrow hallway, and Lena sought to ease it somehow.  
“Honey, don’t you have class right now?” Senna asked.  
“Yeah, matter of fact both Cal and I do, but as you can see we’re here instead.” Lena sighed. “It’s OK, we’ll make it up.”  
“Yeah, speak for yourself, I had a project due today.” Cal rolled his eyes again.  
“Well, why the hell are you here then?” Lena was irritated with his attitude already.  
“Mom’s car is acting up,” he said in a low voice. “I wanted to make sure they got here.”  
“Well, you can go now, I’m here!”  
“Yeah, I think I will. Thanks Lee.” He kissed her on the cheek, Rita and Senna too, and almost bumped right into Tommy on the way out.  
“Where’s Colt?” Lena asked, but Tommy shook his head. Brendan was a few paces behind him, and he looked concerned.  
“Hey, Tommy…”  
“Save it Brendan.” Tommy looked furtively at Paddy’s door. “Anyone come out yet?”  
“No. Still waiting.” Rita spoke up, put her hand on Brendan’s arm. “Tess make it back to Philly OK?”  
“Yeah, she just…” Brendan trailed off as he looked at his brother. “She went back with the kids to sign the papers on the house, finally getting it sold.”  
Tommy turned on Brendan, his voice poisonous. “So you just plannin’ on movin’ in Pop’s house for good?”  
Brendan looked taken aback. “Tommy, you know it’s only temporary, we already got a couple houses we’ve been lookin’ at-“  
“I think you should make sure it’s OK with Pop first, don’t you?” Tommy looked murderous.  
“I don’t understand, Tommy…you moved out-“  
“Yeah, so you and the kids had a place to go.”  
“What?” Lena couldn’t stop it if she tried. Tommy shot her a look.  
“I thought you were movin’ in with Lena.”  
“Yeah. That too.” Tommy was slowly getting closer to Brendan now, and Brendan wasn’t backing down.  
“Tommy-“ Lena put her hand on his shoulder and he shook it off.  
“Tommy, I’m not gonna fight you. If you don’t want us there we can find another place to go. Don’t do this here.” But Brendan stood his ground.  
“What if Pop needs to go home, what if he needs a nurse? How are you and Tess and the kids gonna handle that?” Tommy’s body was flattening downwards somehow, like a spring being compressed, the coils expanded, flat and tight. Lena started to sweat cold watching him.  
“Tommy, he can stay with me. I have an open house, it’s just me and Cal.” Rita came up alongside Tommy, her hand on his shoulder as she looked into his angry wet eyes. “It’s OK, Tommy. You don’t have to worry.” She took his hand that was balled in a fist and somehow it opened and she held it with both of hers. The room seemed to implode- Lena felt like she was standing in a dream, and the energy was building in a massive ball in the middle of the hall, and the ball was Tommy. A big choking sob coughed out his chest and he went to Brendan, who hugged him tight. But Tommy wasn’t done fighting yet, he fought back a scream, he fought almost against Brendan to regain control of his emotions, and then he punched the wall behind Brendan’s shoulder. A nurse came out of Paddy’s room, looking upset.  
“What happened? Is everyone OK?”  
Lena shook her head no but her voice croaked out a “Yes.” She wanted to ask if they had Xanax for visitors but it sounded like a bad joke. Senna stood beside her and looked cautiously up at her, and Lena inwardly rolled her eyes. This would not be easily forgotten, her mom would always remember this moment, and probably bring it up at the most inopportune times.  
Tommy let go of Brendan as the nurse went back in, her voice distantly saying they were almost done and everyone could go in and see Paddy soon.  
“I gotta sit down,” he whispered to himself, plopping down on the chair and hiding his face in his hands. He wasn’t crying but his face and neck were beet red. Lena went to him, sat next to him and put her arm around his massive shoulders. Brendan stood against the wall next to the huge hole Tommy had made, trying to catch his breath, while Senna and Rita sat a few chairs down from Tommy and Lena.  
“Baby…are you OK?” Lena whispered, kissing Tommy’s cold wet forehead. He shook his head no, still hiding from her and everyone else. Lena didn’t give up, she held onto him regardless.  
Finally Tommy picked his head up and buried it in her hair. “Colt is dropping me.”  
“What?!?”  
“Shh…it’s not his fault. He has another fighter that took someone else’s place, he can’t corner me.”  
“So now what?”  
Tommy shrugged, looking at her now. His face was swollen, his eyes slits, but no tears. “Cal, I guess. But he doesn’t want to do it, so…”  
“What about Brendan?”  
Tommy smiled bitterly. “He offered. Goddammit this is so fucked.”  
“Seems like the logical choice…you don’t really need a corner-“  
“Yeah, well I gotta have one anyway.” He looked over at Brendan, and the two exchanged a brief look. “I’m pretty sure he’s goin’ to Vegas with us.” Tommy smiled, a real smile. Brendan almost laughed.  
Just then the nurse came out with the doctors, and Tommy was up and standing next to Brendan to get the news.  
“Paddy is doing remarkably well under the circumstances-“  
“What circumstances exactly?” Brendan asked.  
“He had a major stroke, and his brain suffered quite a bit of trauma. He has a long way to go, rehab and physical therapy to get him walking and moving around again, but all his tests look great.”  
“How about his heart, what about that?” Brendan wasn’t going to let them slink off without all his questions answered.  
“He had a coronary artery spasm, and we did an angiogram while he was sleeping to check for blockages-we found nothing, it probably was a mix of all the meds he’s been on and the fact that he has been sick with pneumonia-“  
“So now what?” Tommy was ready to get into the room to see Paddy.  
“Well, now we put him on meds to control the amount of calcium in his blood, to stop and maybe reverse any cardiovascular disease he has. The cardiologist will be able to explain it a lot better when he makes his rounds.”  
“OK, thank you doc. Can we go in now?”  
“Sure.”  
With that everyone started in to the room, and found Paddy still hooked up to machines but he was breathing on his own and able to fix one eye on everyone. The nurse was back in again and she explained that Paddy couldn’t really talk, not yet, but he could use a pen and paper, which she provided for him. He wasn’t exactly very skilled at writing with his left hand but he was determined to try- the minute the nurse placed the pen in his hand and the paper below he was scribbling furiously.  
“OK, I’ll just leave you now. Hit the call button if you need anything.” And the nurse rushed out of the room.  
Tommy walked slowly to the bed and sat on it next to Paddy’s legs.  
“We gotta get you outta here, Pop.” Tommy smiled. “Not long now and you’re gonna scare the nurses in that flimsy little getup you’re in.” He gestured to Paddy’s gown. Paddy groaned and made a face as best he could, shoving the paper at Tommy, who read it out loud.  
“’Get me a cheeseburger.’” Tommy laughed and set it back up for Paddy to write again. “Pop, I would if I could. You just get the fuck outta here and I’ll buy you a big fat cheeseburger from Pam’s down on Forbes?”  
Paddy nodded as best he could, and shoved the paper at Tommy again.  
“’Get me out of here…dammit-‘? Pop, does this say ‘dammit’?”  
Paddy nodded again, and then he held his hand out and motioned wildly, towards Brendan maybe, who came forward and stood next to Tommy. He made a motion in the air, like writing on paper, and Tommy quickly set him up to write again. This time he shoved it towards Brendan, who read the note out loud.  
“’Take care of Tommy and Rita.’” Brendan looked up at his father who was grunting and nodding, then Paddy rested back against the bed, taking a deep breath. He was so tired, he had been through so much.  
“Aw Pop, you know I can take care of myself…” Tommy smiled at him again, but Paddy just gave him one look from his swollen eye and Tommy put his head down. The old man knew all too well Tommy was on a tightrope that was threading away beneath him.  
“Maybe we should let him rest?” Senna came closer and looked down at him, smiling. He took her hand for a moment, then Senna let go and moved so Rita could get in-when she did his entire demeanor changed, softened and relaxed a little. Rita took Tommy’s place bedside when he got up and shuffled out with everyone else to give Paddy and Rita some time together.  
“Will you sit next to me like that one day?” Tommy huffed in Lena’s ear, pulling her close to him. He had her away from the room, she didn’t realize they had moved so far away from everyone else and were heading towards the elevator.  
“Oh Tommy…” She pressed her palms against his hot cheeks as he shoved himself on her, holding her so tight she felt like she would burst. “Yes…of course I would…”  
“Mmmhmm….damn straight.” He lifted her up and set her back down again. “I feel so lost, Lena…”  
She pulled back to get a good look at him. His features only softened for her at that moment, he still seemed so wound-up- his jaw set, his eyes big and dark, his blood pressure high and making his skin moist and pink.  
“Tommy. You’re not. I’m here, and I won’t let you go. No matter what.” She kissed him almost too hard but he made a sound in his throat that sounded satisfied, and his tongue pushed past her lips and teeth, filling her mouth. She hummed back, and for a moment they forgot where they were, until Brendan’s voice snapped them out of their reverie. When Lena opened her eyes she saw they had drifted to a doorway almost hidden in the hallway, easily passed by others. But Brendan knew what to look for, and she glanced over Tommy’s shoulder and into Brendan’s blushing face.  
“Hey, will you guys get a room already?” He laughed and Tommy turned to look at him.  
“We were trying to get into this janitor’s closet or whatever the hell it is…it’s locked,” Tommy deadpanned. “What’s up Bren?”  
“You got a minute, Tommy? We gotta talk. Let’s go get a coffee.”


	61. Pressure Drop

As Brendan and Tommy disappeared into an elevator, Lena found her way back down the hallway where she knew her mother waited alone. They kept each other company for a while until Rita reappeared, looking tired and sad.  
“Honey, will you take us home?” Rita patted Lena’s shoulder. “I feel like I haven’t showered in a week.”  
“Yeah, me too.” Senna grimaced. “I could really use an amaretto right now. This had been too much for my heart.”  
Lena laughed. “Well, let me find out what Tommy and Brendan are up to first.” She texted him, asking if he was coming home with her, and after a while he responded that he would catch a ride back later with Brendan.  
“OK ladies, let’s jet.” Lena led the way to the elevator.  
“Hey, don’t you have to work tonight?” Rita asked.  
“Yeah, why, what’s up?” Lena pressed the button on the elevator that would get them to the parking garage.  
“I’m really in the mood for some good food and a nice wine. Maybe we can all come up tonight and see you.”  
“That would be great, Aunt Rita. I know Vince would be happy to see you.”  
LATER THAT NIGHT. Lena had gone to work without another word from Tommy, and she wondered how he and Brendan and Paddy were doing. It was around 7:30 when Cal and Brendan walked in with a smaller framed dark haired man Lena thought she recognized. They sat at the bar and Lena approached them through the throng of customers waiting on Louis at the bar.  
“Hey guys, what’s up? Where’s everyone else?”  
Cal and Brendan turned to her, smiling. “Hey Lena,” they both said in unison. Lena could tell right away they had already been drinking, and Louis was setting them up with Jack and cokes.  
“Rita, Senna and Tommy are on the way,” Brendan said, his Irish eyes twinkling at her.  
“I want you to meet a friend of ours,” Cal said, grinning. “Lena, this is Frank Campana, Brendan’s old coach. Frank, this is my sister Lena.”  
“Yeah, I remember you,” the man smiled. “You were up to my knee the last time I saw you though. And hey Cal, watch it with the ‘old’ business, will ya?”  
“Nice to meet you again, Frank,” Lena smiled, professional as ever, and shook his hand.  
“Frank’s gonna help us out with the whole Sparta thing,” Brendan said.  
“Us?” Lena asked.  
“Yeah, looks like we’re all goin’ to Vegas, cool huh?” Cal winked at Lena.  
“Well, I dunno about the ‘we’ thing, Cal,” Frank said. He looked pretty fit for an older man. “I got my own shit to do. I got Soares to corner, you know.”  
“Tommy gets ahold of him he’s gonna make mincemeat out of him,” Brendan said with a wink.  
“Yeah, yeah, so you say. But have you seen Soares lately? The guy’s a beast, 6’3” and 200 pounds…I don’t know if your brother can take him. We already been training for that should it happen.”  
Lena liked this guy but she was on the defense. “Well I guess Vegas will tell the tale.” She smiled cattily and Cal glowered at her.  
“Lena’s Tommy’s girlfriend,” Brendan explained, smiling big and silly at Lena. Frank leaned towards her from his bar stool and took a good look at her.  
“Really. I didn’t know Tommy could have one of those.”  
Lena’s expression could not hide her irritated surprise. “Tommy can have all sorts of things if he wants them. And he’ll have that Sparta championship belt in six weeks, too.”  
Frank eyed her coldly as he lifted his glass. “Well well…I guess it’s like you said. Vegas will tell the tale.”  
Cal shook his head in disgust and Brendan just kept smiling-he knew she had to have some guts if she was Tommy’s girl.  
“Well, it looks like Louis is ready to get you guys another round, and I have to get back on the floor. I’ll see you guys in a little bit. Nice meeting you, Frank.” She smiled again and drifted off into the restaurant traffic, and she heard Frank say something like, “Well she’s somethin’ else, eh?”  
Vince was visiting with a group of Italian mobster-types in the back corner of the restaurant.  
“Uncle Vince, I need you in the back office when you have a moment, please?”  
Vince looked up from his drink. “Yeah, sure kid.”  
Lena pressed past the crowd of servers and busboys to get to the kitchen, where Butch and three others were working like slaves.  
“Lena! Open the oven door, will ya? My chicken parmigiana is burnin’!” Butch’s face was as red as his hair. Lena popped the oven open and pulled two big pans out of the oven.  
“Butch, you need anything else?”  
“Yeah, brush some garlic butter over those rolls!” Butch gestured wildly to the steaming pans he had just pulled out of the oven. Lena realized then she was stuck in the kitchen now, and she ended up getting plates ready and expediting-the staff was a little overwhelmed and she felt bad she hadn’t come back to help sooner.  
Vince was back in the kitchen soon too, and he was pushing all the servers out the door with their trays, until he caught a server behind the bar with Louis who was underage- then he hustled up there to help Louis out and get the kid back to serving and bussing. Another typical crazy night at the restaurant…Lena rolled her eyes-looking down at her dark pink shirt she saw oil and God knows what else speckled all over it now, she was sweating like a pig and Butch passing her a double shot of Grappa didn’t help with her giv-a-fuck-ometer. She almost forgot about her family plus more coming for dinner until the check came back in the kitchen with six orders on it, most of them not healthy plates, besides two grilled chicken breasts and steamed veggies *plain* - she knew Tommy was in the building.  
“Butch, I gotta get out there for a minute-“  
“Go, Lena, go!!”  
Lena wiped her hands off and headed out once more into the fray of servers and customers. Seems there was a poker game going on in the back corner booth, where Vince’s paesanos were seated, and some people wanted to start their own at another table. Vince was trying to settle it out, so Lena ended up getting behind the bar to help out Louis, who really just wanted to take a leak.  
In the middle of two drink orders, Lena caught sight of Tommy sitting next to her mom, talking softly and making her and Rita laugh. Brendan, Cal and Frank were there, but seemed to be having their own lively discussion. Lena kept her eyes on Tommy, even as the servers and customers clattered for their drinks and she kept up with the demand, she watched Tommy interacting with her mother-it was killing her how they seemed to get along. She didn’t think it was at all possible that he could get wedged any deeper into her heart, but watching them she felt it happen.  
“Hey, Lena.” Louis was behind her suddenly, making her jump. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you. I seen Tommy’s here…I got the bar if you wanna go to his table.”  
“You sure?”  
“Yeah,” he smiled, so cute with his little dimples. “I’m sure. Go ‘head.”  
Lena wiped her hands off and headed to the table. The alcohol she had in the kitchen had made her feel very warm and fuzzy, and she noticed even her gait changed as she approached the table.  
“Well, hi there, welcome to Vinnie’s, are you enjoying your visit?” Lena draped her arm over Senna’s shoulders and looked into Tommy’s dazzling eyes, blue tonight, matching his shirt- dark blue v-neck against black slacks, with his hair slicked back and three days stubble growth. Lena took in a deep breath and tried to close her mouth.  
“Well it’s about time, Lena, where have you been?” Senna almost sounded upset. Tommy was smiling a little naughty smile at her while no one was looking.  
“Well Mom, as you can see it’s a three-ring circus in here tonight.” Lena gestured to the full house.  
“This place looks like the Italian version of Roadhouse,” Cal said loudly. Frank and Brendan laughed.  
“Yeah, a regular spaghetti western.” Lena bent down and kissed Tommy’s cheek. “I don’t have much time-“  
“It’s OK, doll. I know you’re busy.” He winked at Senna. “I got a date tonight anyway.”  
Lena feigned shock. “Well, guess we’re gonna end up on Jerry Springer after all. OK, love you guys, see you in a minute.”  
She felt Tommy’s eyes on her as she walked away, and when she casually looked back she locked eyes with him-he looked like he was going to eat her alive.  
Finally, at 10PM, she locked the door after letting the last customer out and headed to the office to help Vince finish up some paperwork, while Louis finished cleaning the bar and Butch mopped the kitchen.  
“Hey kid, you know I can finish this up. Whyncha get outta here? I know the family was here and ya didn’t get a chance to visit much-“  
“Uncle Vince, don’t you think I see them all the time? We got work to do.” Lena shook her head and laughed. “It’s OK, we’re almost done.”  
Vince stood over her while she balanced the ledger in the computer, something that always seemed to mystify him, but was so easy for Lena that she had it done in ten minutes to his two hours.  
“Well that ain’t fair.”  
Lena stopped what she was doing and peered up at him. “What’s not fair?”  
“You damn kids and your computers, ya make everything look so easy.” Vince shook his head and sighed. “Oh well, just makes this part easier.” He slid a stack of papers towards Lena-she scanned the first page and could see it was the beginning of a contract. She froze for a moment.  
“You said I had to graduate first.”  
“Yeah, but let’s not kid ourselves, I already know you got that degree. What the fuck does it matter anyway, Lee? You could run this place as easily as I do-“  
“You know that’s bullshit, Boss. There’s so many things you do that I have no idea about!”  
“Yeah, but kid, c’mon.” Vince smiled and shrugged. “Like I can’t show ya or somethin’.”  
“Dammit. You couldn’t sit on it could ya?” Lena was giggling at the thought of being co-owner.  
“Yeah but hold on. I need you to read this very carefully. And then we gotta meet with Armand to hash it all out so this is done right the first time.” Armand was one of Vince’s lawyers, Lena had only met him a handful of times but she recalled his stern dark-eyed Spanish stare and clipped authoritative accent.  
“OK. You want me to take it home?”  
“Yeah. And now that you got my shit done for me, go home. I don’t wanna see you til Friday. I’ll let you know if Armand can meet up with us this week.”  
Lena thought about Tommy at the hospital-he had texted her earlier that he was alone at the hospital, Brendan had gone out with Cal and Frank to barhop and Tommy was trying to rest in Paddy’s room, and he wanted her to come up to the hospital with a cold beer in her purse for him.  
“OK Boss. I’ll see you Friday.” She kissed his forehead and headed out. “Thank you!”  
Vince waved her off. “Yeah yeah.”  
Lena stopped by the bar and grabbed a couple beers out of the cooler, stuffed them in her purse and headed out.  
She had texted Tommy to let him know she was on her way, and he met her outside so he could take her in. He was still dressed from dinner and his hair slicked back-Lena was still swooning over him.  
“Hey doll.” His lazy smile left her a little breathless. He took her in his arms and hugged her, and she felt his desperation there in his embrace.  
“Hiya Tommy.” She kissed his moist pink lips and tasted sugary coffee. “I missed you.”  
“Yeah I missed you too.” His voice was husky as he went in for another kiss, longer this time and hot as he opened his mouth against hers. “I really wanna take you home…you looked so sexy tonight.”  
“So do you, you animal. You clean up so nice, not that it matters…you could wear anything and look damn fine.” She gazed at his face, his erotic features making her blood rush hot. “But we can’t go home, not yet. How’s Paddy?”  
Tommy’s face changed to stone as he looked away and over her head, glancing around the hospital grounds lit up with bright white halogen. “He’s doin’ awright. Nurses been takin’ good care of ‘im. He had dinner…fuckin’ ground up pork chop and soupy mashed potatoes.” He laughed softly, looking back down at her again. “He hated it, but got it all down.”  
“Good. I’m glad.” Lena rested her head against his wide chest, listened to his heart thundering deep in his chest. “Jesus Tommy, we need a vacation, don’t we?”  
He laughed again, more of a scoff. “Yeah tell me about it. You ready to go in?”  
“Sure.”  
Inside Paddy’s room she sat with Tommy on the little couch and watched Paddy as he slept soundly, the machines beeping his strong steady heart rate-soothing at this point. Lena had been so afraid it was Paddy’s end, and she had been desolate worrying that Tommy would lose his shit altogether if that had happened.  
“So everybody went out and left you here, huh?”  
Tommy shook his head. “Yep. It’s OK, I left Brendan here before, can’t say nothin’ about it.”  
“What do you think about Brendan cornering you?”  
Again Tommy shook his head. “Might as well be Pop I guess…better than Cal.” He sniggered softly.  
“I’m sure Cal is way more relieved than you. I think you scare the shit out of him.” Lena smiled, sliding her hand against his to take it, twist her fingers up with his.  
“Yeah I think so too. Brendan ain’t no slouch though, he knows what to do. Sparta won’t be no cake walk and I need someone who can stop the bleeding and ice me up.” He smiled his toothy smile and winked at her. “But I don’t plan on needin’ any of that.”  
“I know. But it’s nice to know Bren’s gonna be there for you.” Lena kissed his cheek, his flexing jaw. “This Frank guy, what’s the deal with him?”  
Tommy cast her a sideways glance. “He was Bren’s trainer back in the day, and he cornered him in the Sparta we were in together. Guess he wants to help Bren with all the other shit he’s gotta do, paperwork and shit. Whatever.” Tommy seemed a little miffed about it, and Lena wanted to ask some more questions but she let it go.  
Paddy stirred in his sleep and Tommy sighed. “I just hope he’s well enough to make it, I know he won’t want to miss it.”  
“I hope so too.” Lena dug around in her purse and flashed Tommy the beers she had stashed inside. “Are you thirsty?”  
He stared down at the beers, then back at her. Finally he smiled, but it didn’t touch his eyes.  
“Nah. I mean, yeah I am, but I can wait.” He put her in a weak headlock and kissed the top of her head, then let her go again. “I’m takin’ my pills the way I’m s’posed to. If I drink that beer I’ll be asleep.”  
She headbutted his arm and giggled. “Yeah, and I’m not draggin’ you outta here, I’ll have to leave ya.”  
He looked at her, a bemused smile on his face. “Oh yeah? Well I’m goin’ home with you tonight, doll. I’ll be asleep later, after I fuck you up.”  
Lena laughed almost too loudly. “Well since you put it like that, I can’t wait.”  
Tommy sighed. “I told Bren I would wait til 3, and if nothin’s goin’ on I’m leavin’.”  
“Is he supposed to come back?”  
“He said he would but he hasn’t seen Frank in a while, I’m sure they’re gonna be out all night.”  
Lena took a long look at Tommy, until he looked back at her, his face blank but his eyes showing strain and irritation.  
“What?”  
“Well I kinda need to change out of these clothes, I have grill cleaner and garlic butter all over me-“  
“Is that the smell?” Tommy paused as she looked embarrassed, and then he smiled his toothy grin again. “If you wanna go home I understand, doll.”  
Lena stood up and grabbed her purse. “Yeah but just for a minute. I’ll be right back.”  
“OK.” Tommy stood up too, and they walked to the door together. “You sure?”  
“Yeah, of course.” She didn’t want to tell him she had chapters to read and homework to do-she would just bring it up to the hospital and do it there. “Do you need anything?”  
“Yeah…can you bring me somethin’ comfortable?”  
Lena grinned. “Sure.”  
They walked down to the car together, and the sweet kiss they started became a hot passionate mess, with Tommy pressing her up against the car and grinding his hips on her.  
“Damn,” he breathed, grabbing her hand and pressing it to his strained zipper. “See what you do to me…”  
Lena felt her throat close up with desire. “Tommy…”  
“Hurry back, Lena…I’m gonna fuck you in the broom closet…”  
She smiled as he devoured her throat, her neck, and then he pulled back and looked at her. “You taste like garlic butter.”  
“Dammit Tommy!” She laughed as he started giggling, and she slapped his arm.  
“Get outta here, before I can’t control myself.”  
Lena left him standing there in the parking lot, handsome and throbbing for her.  
When she returned she was showered, black yoga pants and an old Pittsburgh Pirates t- shirt on, and she was hauling her laptop and schoolbag.  
Tommy was stretched out on the couch, flipping channels on the TV. Paddy was still asleep and unaware of his guests. Lena glanced at the clock-12:18 AM.  
“Hey,” Tommy mumbled, rising up from the couch to greet her with a kiss. “You brought me some clothes?”  
“Yeah,” she said, handing him a soft grey shirt and a pair of black drawstring pants. Tommy smiled and kissed her.  
“Thanks. Be right back.”  
As he changed in the bathroom, Lena set up her laptop by the recliner adjacent from the couch. The TV flickered with an old black and white, it looked like ‘On the Waterfront’.  
“Hey. Whyncha tell me you had stuff to do?” Tommy was behind her, rubbing her shoulders and kissing her neck.  
“Cuz I’d rather be here with you anyway. I can still work, don’t worry about me.” She turned into his embrace and kissed him-he still tasted like extra-sweet coffee. “OK, where are you getting the coffee?”  
Tommy grinned. “Down the hall there’s a coffee machine, it’s free. I been killin’ it.”  
“Oh fuck yes, I’m gonna get some-“  
“No.” His warm hand on her shoulder stayed her. “You start your shit, I’ll get it for you.”  
Lena grinned this time. “Thanks Tommy.”  
She curled up on the recliner and listened to the soft beeping of Paddy’s heart monitor and the distant voice of Marlon Brando on the TV, while Tommy stretched out on the couch with a flimsy blanket and watched her drill her Business and Society Ethics textbook with a coffee cup glued to her hand and her laptop on the little table beside her.  
Sometime after 2AM, her head was falling into her notes. Tommy was snoring softly, tucked up into the couch, and a nurse had just left after checking up on Paddy. She was closing out the programs on her laptop when the door opened again, slowly this time. Brendan’s head peeked in and Lena waved at him, and then he tried to walk into the room but stumbled instead, making a slight racket. Lena rushed up and caught him, turned him around and headed out of the room while he laughed softly to himself. He smelled like straight alcohol.  
“Hey where we goin’?”  
Lena tossed him on a chair in the hallway where he flopped like a fish.  
“You need coffee.”  
“I need to sleep,” he slurred. His eyes were slits as he peered up at her.  
“Yeah but where?”  
“I can crash in the waiting room-“  
“Yeah and then get thrown out for being passed out drunk?” Lena shook her head and turned to get him some coffee. “I’ll be right back.”  
Brendan took the cup and spilled some of it on his chest. “Fuck.”  
“How did you get here in the first place?” She sat down in a chair beside him.  
“Cal. I don’t know where we were, but the drinks were really strong.” Brendan tried to focus on her. “Why are you here?”  
“Keeping Tommy company, doing homework. I hope Cal wasn’t smashed too-“  
“Naw…he barely drank. But Frank kept buyin’ me drinks, I tried to get him to stop…” Brendan sunk in the chair. “I’m gonna be hurtin’ tomorrow.”  
“That’s for sure.” Lena took the empty cup away. “You want some more?”  
“Uhh…sure. Thanks.”  
When she came back, Brendan was asleep. She wondered what she was going to do with him.  
“Brendan. Brendan!” She shook him awake. His eyes rolled open and he sat up. “Drink this. I’ll go see if I can find you a blanket or something.”  
She found a blanket warmer in the next hall. She grabbed two and headed back, and found Brendan getting himself some more coffee. He was wavering like a flag in the breeze, and Lena helped him back to the chair.  
“Y’know what? Jus’ leave me here. I’ll be OK, just crash out for an hour or two-“  
“You sure?”  
“Yeah, hey-“ he grabbed her wrist and tried to focus on her. “I jus’ wanna thank you for stickin’ by Tommy. I know it’s not easy and he’s lucky to have you.”  
Lena smiled at him. “I feel the same way about him.”  
“Yeah well…he’s a lucky sonuvabitch that he found you. You ever think about trainin’?”  
Lena laughed. “Nope. I let Cal do all that.”  
“Well you should. And ya pissed Frank off too, gotta admit that was funny.”  
“What’s his deal, anyway?”  
“Well, see…there was a big dispute ‘bout the money after Sparta…Tommy gave all his money to Manny’s family, and when I tried to pay his medical bills and all the other shit he refused…”Brendan sighed, his bleary eyes stared off in the distance. “Frank and I kinda had a fallin’ out over Tommy. Only Tess and Cal know about all that so don’t say nothin’. And then Frank wanted more than his ten percent. But we got it all worked out. “  
“Yeah I thought Frank was a little cocky.”  
“He is…but he’s a good guy. He’s a fighter at heart, it’s what he does for a livin’…trained me and taught me a lot. Took me years for it to sink in though…”  
“Are you worried about Sparta at all?”  
“Nope. Tommy an’ I, we been trainin’ and fightin’ all our lives. S’like second nature.” Brendan yawned. “You still comin’, right?”  
“Of course.” Lena smiled. “I wouldn’t miss it for the world. I’m glad you and your family are moving back here. I think it’s gonna help stabilize Tommy a little more.”  
Brendan laughed softly. “Yeah, maybe. He and I still have a lot to work out with Pop, but y’know maybe it’s a good thing to let sleeping dogs lie sometimes too, right?”  
“I think you’re right. And there’s lots of stuff Tommy has to work out on his own too…”  
“Yeah, and he’s got you to help him.” Brendan patted her knee. “That’s the best thing ever.”  
Lena smiled again, and watched Brendan yawn and start to uncontrollably nod off. She covered him with the warm blankets and took the coffee cup out of his hand as he started to snore a little. Maybe he could get away with crashing in the hallway for a little bit-all that Lena cared about now was getting back into the room and curling up on the recliner.  
She quietly came into Paddy’s room and was face to face with Tommy, who was standing by the door, his face hot with anger.  
“Whatta you and Brendan talkin’ about, huh?”


	62. Martyr For My Love For You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I could stay a while  
> But sooner or later I'll break your smile  
> And I can tell a joke  
> But one of these days I'm bound to choke  
> And we could share a kiss  
> But I feel like I can't go through with this  
> And I bet we could build a home  
> But I know the right thing for me to do  
> Is to leave you alone - Jack White

Lena backed up against the closing door. She really didn’t like his expression.  
“Nothing I wouldn’t talk about with you.”  
Tommy closed in on her with daggers in his eyes. “I heard some of it. You got any questions you ask me, y’understand?” But it wasn’t a question, and he was crouching like he was facing off with her in the octagon. She didn’t like his expression, as if he didn’t know her but hated her anyway.  
Lena took in a deep breath. She wasn’t going to fight with him here, in Paddy’s hospital room, at some ungodly hour. There was no way he missed the hostility in her expression, but she bit her tongue and stared back at him, and he finally turned and headed back to the couch, leaving her to stand there and quickly decide what she was going to do.  
Tommy didn’t try to stop her as she packed her things up quietly so as not to disturb Paddy. He watched her, impassive and cold, and she left without a word. If he was going to disregard her then she could do it too.  
In the car she started to cry, and she became even more frustrated-she hated to cry, she felt weak, like she had no power or control whatsoever. She cursed Tommy and fought it back, until she got home where she could throw herself on the mattress on the floor and let it all out, all the weeks of anger, worry and frustration needed to come out somehow.  
7:30 AM and the alarm was going off again. Lena was alone in bed and her eyes were glued shut, and she felt like shit, but she threw the covers off and jumped into the shower anyway, numb and exhausted. Classes all day, four back-to-back, and she was almost grateful. On the way in she had time to wake up and think as she sat in rush hour traffic, sipping her coffee. The gym was sounding really good-she couldn’t remember how long it had been but she was long overdue for a visit. She thought about her cellphone sitting up on the counter at home-she didn’t want to be bothered or fucked with at all, and she was filled with a sense of satisfaction knowing she was going to be able to focus on other things all day.  
Liberation doesn’t come cheap, and Lena had two assignments that were due in two days that she had completely forgotten about. Even with that sitting on top of her as she headed to the gym, she was singing along to the radio, windows down and sunshine on her skin, feeling carefree even if it was only temporary.  
Cal and Frank were standing in the lobby at Colt’s as she swung the door open, and Cal sighed heavily, looking at her expectantly.  
“Not the one I was wanting to see but good all the same. Do you know where Tommy is?” Cal sounded a little bitchier than Lena could handle.  
“Nope. Been at class all day, now I’m here. Hi, Frank.”  
“Lena,” Frank said quietly, regarding her.  
“Well Brendan got pretty messed up last night-“  
“I know,” Lena said, dropping her gym bag and pulling her sunglasses off. “I was nursing him.”  
Frank laughed quietly and Cal looked surprised. “You were at the hospital last night?”  
“Yeah, but then I left after Brendan passed out. What’s going on, Cal?” Lena closed in on Cal, wanting an answer.  
“Well I don’t know how you don’t know…Tommy and Brendan got into a fight last night-“  
“What?!?”  
“-and Tommy took off. It was pretty bad, Tommy gave Brendan a black eye.” Cal looked at Lena condescendingly. “He’s been banned from the hospital. He’s lucky he didn’t get arrested. Brendan didn’t press charges, but the hospital still might.”  
Lena hung her head, taking in a deep breath. What was she going to do about Tommy?  
“OK Cal, you can quit your fuckin’ gloating-“  
“Who’s gloating? We need to find him, Lena-“  
“I see your expression and it’s pissing me off. I don’t have any information for you, I left my phone at home.”  
“I know we got off on the wrong foot, Lena, but if you got any ideas where he is it would really help us out,” Frank said with a knowing look.  
“I have no idea, really. He and I had a disagreement and I left the hospital. Before I went to class this morning I checked my phone and he hadn’t tried to contact me. I left my phone behind and I haven’t been home since 8:15 this morning.”  
Cal narrowed his eyes at her. “Just so you know we need him to sign some papers Colt has for him. So if you’re protecting him or hiding him-“  
“Goddammit Cal, what did I just say?” Lena was at the end of her rope too. She understood now how easy it could be to hit someone.  
“It’s OK, Lena, thank you for your help.” Frank had Cal by the arm and was leading him out the front door. “See ya later.”  
Lena stood frozen there in the lobby, feeling torn. What happened after she left? How could she have prevented it? And where the hell was Tommy?  
She drove home to get her phone, where it sat on the counter in the kitchen of her darkened empty apartment. There was no message or phone call from Tommy, just messages from Cal wanting to know if she had seen Tommy. She had no idea where to start looking for him, but she wasn’t sure how long she could just sit and wait, either.  
She needed to work on her assignments, but that proved to be useless as she sifted through her notes-she couldn’t concentrate at all. It was like trying to decipher another language, her eyes read the words but couldn’t penetrate her dazed grey matter. Still, she had to try doing something other than worrying-she knew Tommy didn’t want to be found and would only surface when he was damn good and ready.  
THREE HOURS LATER. The sun was going down and Lena’s phone hadn’t buzzed, not once. She was hungry and tired, and had managed to finish only one assignment. The overwhelming feeling that she didn’t know where she was, what day it was, dream-like and confused, swaddled in cotton. She thought about heading down to the restaurant to order dinner and just get out for a minute, break the cruel spell she was under, but after drifting into the bathroom she realized how nasty she felt and looked from the all-day nervous sweat she had been in.  
The hot water felt like heaven, the smell of her new peppermint soap perked Lena up, and she was scrubbing her scalp with shampoo when she thought she heard a noise in the bathroom. She paused, her eyes popping wide open in the heat and steam of the shower. It was quiet, except for the rush of water from the shower head. Maybe her neighbor was shooting lights out again, maybe her stack of books toppled over on the table…or maybe Tommy was home. The sound of a door closing confirmed it.  
She shut the water off and ducked out, grabbing her towel to assess the situation. Tommy was standing in the bedroom, stuffing a gym bag with clothes, and he jerked his head towards her like a startled animal.  
Lena was wrapped in her towel, still soaking wet, and she crossed her arms and stared at him as a little pool of water formed on the floor around her feet. He looked haggard, as if he hadn’t slept, his clothes were dirty, and he had a black eye and a busted lip-this looked all too familiar to her.  
“What’s going on?”  
Tommy looked away from her and continued stuffing his bag with clothes.  
“I asked you a question.” Lena was trying to stay calm.  
He shrugged, slammed the drawer shut. “Don’t have time for this,” he muttered and pushed past her.  
“Don’t have time for what? Tommy what the hell is going on?”  
But Tommy wasn’t talking, he was grabbing his pair of gym shoes off the floor and stuffing those in his bag too. He was in a hurry, heading to the front door in a rush.  
“Tommy, stop! Don’t you fucking leave me and not speak!”  
He swung the front door open and stopped to look back at her, finally making eye contact.  
“I can’t, don’t you see…can’t be around you, or anyone else for that matter. Not right now. Y’better off.” He slammed the door in her face and her entire apartment shook from it.


	63. Shadow Hunters

Lena stood staring at her front door for what seemed like an eternity, when it was really only a second or two, until she snapped into action and charged out after Tommy, who was already out the lobby door of the apartment building. She didn’t think or care about the towel that barely covered her, she just raced out onto the busy avenue and saw Tommy getting in a cab.  
“Stop!” Lena tripped and fell against the cab door, and stared in at Tommy, who said something to the cabbie and opened the door, looking supremely irritated.  
“The fuck y’doin’, get back inside!” He was yanking her towards the apartment door and she vainly fought against him. She caught the cabbie leaning in his seat, trying to get a good look at her in her skimpy towel, and it only incensed her further.  
“Goddammit Tommy, you said you weren’t gonna do this, you weren't gonna run anymore, YOU SAID!” She rammed him with all her might but he truly was a rock wall. He got her back inside the door and they squared off in the lobby.  
“Go inside, that towel ain’t doin’ you no favors.” He had his hand on the doorknob, ready to bolt.  
“What the holy fuck is going on, you can’t just pull this shit and leave me!” Lena sounded hysterical but she didn’t care, even as the little old lady on the first floor who was always so nice to her opened her door and stared at them from a crack-view.  
“Calm down, y'wouldn’t understand anyway,” Tommy growled. “Just go back in, already told ya I ain’t fit to be around people.”  
“You leave now Tommy, like this…there won’t be any coming back.” Lena knew she was lying through her teeth, but her rage and confusion foreshadowed any other thought in her mind.  
Tommy’s eyes turned black, his pupils dilated and his face turned red with unspoken emotion, but his expression remained hardened and unfeeling. He nodded, looked at her a long time as she stood there, her skin glistening with moisture and her face crimson with rage, dark hair plastered in wet thick curls to her scalp and shoulders, and eyeliner smeared raccoon-like under her eyes. Then he casually turned the doorknob, opened the door and just walked out, the lobby door shushing closed against the ‘WELCOME HOME’ mat on the tile floor.  
Lena wanted to scream, she wanted to shake the walls with her frustration, rage, confusion and sorrow. But instead, she slowly trudged up the stairs to her apartment, listening to the nosy neighbor’s door close and the taxi speed off outside, and realizing she was totally alone, she went into her apartment, and once she was inside she sunk to the floor and wept silently to herself. No one could help her except Tommy, and he was gone.   
It didn’t take long for her to get pissed off again, and she got up off the floor to look for her phone. There was one person who could help, maybe even just a little bit, if he wanted to.  
“’Lo?” Brendan’s rough voice was already too clipped and Lena immediately regretted calling him.  
“Hey Brendan, it’s Lena. I need to talk to you…are you busy?”  
Twenty minutes later and she found herself at Paddy’s- the street was dark and she could make out a lone lamp on from the living room window. At first Brendan hadn’t sounded too pleased when she called, but maybe her throat closing up as she tried to tell him what happened had softened him up a little. He opened the door and she could see it wasn’t just a black eye Tommy had given him- his nose was broken and his cheek was cut, it looked stitched from where Lena stood.   
“Jesus, Brendan-“  
“Yeah,” he said, waving her off as he let her in. “It’s nothin’.”  
For a moment, Lena didn’t know what to say. She felt responsible somehow, maybe if she had stayed it wouldn’t have been so bad…  
Brendan peered at her from his swollen eyelids. “It’s not your fault, Lena.”  
Lena tried to respond but it sounded like burbling. Brendan steered her towards the kitchen.  
“You wanna scotch?” Brendan almost smiled as she plopped down at the kitchen table. She looked at his bruised knuckles as he set the glass down in front of her, the amber liquid undulating inside. Suddenly she felt very thirsty, and before Brendan could blink the scotch was gone.  
“Damn.” It was a mix of surprise and respect. “You sure you’re not Irish?”  
Lena wanted to laugh but it came out like another burble. He refilled her glass, then stood across from her, leaning against the wall to watch her.  
“You sit down?” She gestured to the chair in front of him.  
“Nah I been sittin’ all night. So uh, what can I do for you?”   
Lena shrugged. “Don’t know. Just needed someone to talk to, maybe help me understand.”  
Brendan looked away, shaking his head. “Understand? I can’t help you there. It’s always been rough, even when we were kids Tommy had that streak…and let’s face it life hasn’t been kind to ‘im. I got my own part in that, but…” He looked at her and she felt spooked. “Ma used to call him her Dark Side of the Moon. He would always run off, just to be alone. I think Pop drove him crazy at an early age. Wouldn’t talk to anyone, only Ma. But now…he just loses it when he’s stressed out.”  
Lena nodded, a tear running down her cheek. “What happened at the hospital?”  
Brendan turned the chair around and sat down on it backwards, and poured them both another scotch. “When I woke up he was standin’ over me, lookin’ like he was gonna kill me. I was still pretty drunk, I barely remember you takin’ care of me, and he tagged me, pretty hard. I tried to defend myself, but…well, you know, you saw me!” Brendan laughed. “I was feelin’ no pain! But he kept at it, wantin’ to know what we talked about and to be honest I really don’t remember. But I guess he didn’t believe me, I dunno…” He trailed off, looking away again. The Conlon brothers both seemed to be good at that.  
“Well Brendan,” Lena said, drinking her third scotch, “I for one am very sorry. I apologize because I shouldn’t have left, but he pissed me off and I wasn’t gonna fight him right there in the hospital room-“  
“First off, you shouldn’t have to fight him. Not anywhere. He doesn’t trust anyone and he thinks the bad shit only happens to him, he doesn’t seem to notice everyone else is feelin’ it too. He can’t see past his own pain and anyone who gets in the way becomes a victim. It’s hard for him to apologize cuz he’s so pissed he doesn’t care when he’s hurting people.And y’know what else?” Brendan swallowed the rest of his drink and winced. “Somewhere he enjoys it. It’s a vengeance he feels. I wish I could help him.” He looked forlornly at the empty glass and she knew he was seeing something else there.  
“I don’t know what to do, I feel so…desperate.” Lena caught his eyes as they flicked back up to meet hers. “I don’t know where he is, what he’s doing…”  
“Gettin’ drunk, that’s what he’s doin’. I just hope he stays out of bars cuz someone’s gonna get their head kicked in and then he’ll be in jail. Lena…” Brendan sighed deeply, looking at her sadly. “You should go home. Work on your school stuff, that’s what’s really important. Take it from me, OK, I had to work hard to get out of it. You don’t have to get dragged down, you can make a choice for yourself. Tommy…his chances are running out. If he fucks everything up with you, then…I don’t know where he’ll end up but it won’t be good.”  
Lena sighed and fought back tears, and Brendan reached across the table to rub her arms.  
“You can’t save him, Lena. You can only save yourself. I wish I could help ya, say the magic word and make it all OK again, but I can’t. I love Tommy too, and I’ll never give up on him. But I can’t let him stomp all over me either. You have to make some decisions for yourself too. It’s the rest of your life.”  
Lena hung her head and wept. The scotch was peeling back all the anger and leaving the pain behind.  
“I’m such a fool,” she sobbed. Brendan started to protest, saying something like ‘Don’t be so hard on yourself’ when she cut him off- “I shouldn’t have drank so much fuckin’ scotch…”  
Brendan couldn’t help but laugh. Where Tommy was dark, Brendan was light-they were so much alike but Brendan definitely got the sunnier disposition.  
“Hey, you want me to make you some coffee?”   
Lena looked up from the table into his twinkling blue eyes and felt sick. She hadn’t eaten all day and now she was half-drunk on an empty stomach.  
“Ugh I think I’ll puke,” she garbled.  
“OK, no coffee then.” Brendan was up and searching the kitchen. “You want some 7up, some bread-?”  
“No, Brendan, I’ll be OK. Just need a minute…” She watched him almost stumble into a cupboard and she giggled. “Maybe you need the bread.”  
He turned around to smart off to her and Lena looked at the cuts and bruises Tommy had dealt him and felt terrible all over again. It must’ve showed-Brendan stopped short and looked back at her with his icy blue eyes, and she couldn’t tell what he was thinking.  
“Don’t you feel bad for me. Awright? “ His voice was steely and sure. “This’ll heal. I was a fighter once too, y’know.”  
“I know, it’s just…”  
“Ah, fuck it. He’s that scared little kid that left when he was 12. Just hits a lot harder now.” Brendan filled his glass and drank a third of it. “What do I know, Lena? Maybe he just needs some space. He hasn’t been right for a long time, and Pop being in the hospital is doin’ things to him.” Just then Brendan smacked his forehead, then winced in pain. “Damn I didn’t even think of that…”  
“What? Brendan what is it?”  
“It’s been 17 years this month since Ma passed…with everything goin’ on I didn’t realize it. He’s just goin’ through it all again watchin’ Pop in the hospital.” Brendan looked dumbstruck.  
“You think he’s reliving it?”  
“Well, yeah. Except Ma wasn’t in the hospital, she was with Tommy, and he was trying to take care of her the best he could without doctors…couldn’t afford it.” Brendan’s eyes misted over and he looked lost. “I should’ve gone with them…”  
Lena realized the scotch was having the same melancholy effect on Brendan as it did on her.  
“You can’t regret your decision-“  
“Oh yeah?”  
“No, you have two beautiful little girls, your life took another turn, however cruel that may sound…you can’t go back and fix everything, Brendan. You know that.”  
As Lena spoke Brendan seemed to drift even further away. She finished her glass of scotch that had magically refilled, and squinted at him as he stood by the kitchen sink, his eyes transfixed on a crooked tile on the floor and his face blank.  
“Didn’t you just kinda lecture me, Bren?” She heard the slur in her voice and shook her head at herself. “You can only do so much, right?”  
“Yeah, but…this was a little different, y’know?” Brendan’s voice was quiet, but carried the same raspy lilt as his brother. “I wonder where he went.”  
“What would you do if you saw him again? What could you do?”  
“Prolly get beat up again,” Brendan said with a bitter smile. “But oh well. Damn him, always runnin’ off.”  
“That’s what I said!” Lena pounded the table and surprised Brendan back into the present.  
“Well. Some things never change, right?” He made his way back to the table and looked down at her. “So what are we gonna do about it?”  
She stared up at him-it took her a moment to focus because she saw two Brendans looking down at her.  
“Humm. I dunno.” She smiled. “Any suggestions?”  
Brendan’s eyebrows went up. “Well, we could walk around the bars here, go lookin’ for him. Maybe get rip-roarin’ drunk on the way, one last time before Tess comes back into town tomorrow and I hafta behave myself.” He winked at her and she laughed.  
“Deal.”  
“Yeah, but first ya gotta eat somethin’. I ain’t carryin’ ya around town.”  
Brendan made her some toast with peanut butter and honey, which she scarfed down-she swore she heard it fall down into her stomach like a stone tumbling down into a bottomless well.  
“More?” He waved another two pieces of bread at her, and she nodded. He had to laugh to himself-she looked like a dark-haired and stringy lost child sitting there at the kitchen table, not the icy professional he saw at the restaurant, or the strong family link he saw at the hospital and the family dinner.  
“Here ya go.” Brendan handed her the warm toast that smelled of sweet honey and thick peanut butter. It was gone in two minutes.  
“Thanks. Feels like I haven’t eaten in weeks.” Lena wiped her mouth and stood up slowly. Not too bad, just a little shade of sea legs.  
“That’s the bread, it’s soakin’ the booze up.” Brendan weaved into the living room and slid his sneakers on. “C’mon, let’s go on a hunt.”  
Lena laughed as they coasted out the front door. “You mean let’s go get stoned.”  
“Uh yeah, a hunt with a side of stoned.” Brendan grinned like the Cheshire Cat and they headed off down the street to the nearest bar- a block and a half away the Irish pubs were dotted here and there, and the VFW loomed large four blocks further.


	64. The Devil You Know

On the way there, Brendan told her stories from his childhood, Tommy’s childhood-stories like the time they had a crush on the same girl at school, the neighbor’s car window Tommy smashed when they were playing street hockey, the time they got busted together at the tender age of 5 and 9 stealing flowers on Mother’s Day from the neighborhood grocer. All of it sounded so normal, something Lena wasn’t very well-versed on, and Brendan deliberately left out all the scary parts, the horror stories that plagued his childhood.  
The first bar was almost empty, just a few retired steelworkers having a pint. The next was blaring with horrible karaoke, and after Brendan and Lena had sifted through the crowd and each had a Jagerbomb, they exited in haste to hike up to the next bar three buildings down. It was fruitless as well, the only people in there were well-dressed townies playing at being out for the night. Lena and Brendan sat at the bar-it was only 8:30 but Brendan was looking tired. He ordered two beers and they sat for a moment, quietly regarding their modest surroundings and the muted atmosphere, a far cry from the last place.  
“Tommy would never be in a place like this. I think we’re barkin’ up the wrong tree here.” Brendan stayed her hand as she tried to pay and threw a ten dollar bill on the bartop. “Oh no you don’t, I haven’t let you pay yet, and it’s not gonna happen now.”  
“Can’t blame me for tryin’,”Lena said with a smile. “So what should we do? Keep looking? Or are you gonna go see Paddy?”  
He looked nonplussed. “Umm…I prolly should, huh? Pop needs some company.” He brightened. “You wanna go? Or you gonna keep searchin’?”  
“I think we should check the VFW, then go see Paddy. And no, there’s too many bars around here. He may have staked out a place closer to the hospital, or maybe the gym…who knows?” Lena dug her phone out of her back pocket and checked it for missed calls or texts-not a thing. It was a little too quiet, she thought. “But I can’t give up on him.”  
“Ah, he’ll show up in a coupla days, you watch.” Brendan finished his beer quickly. “Won’t be able to stay away from you.”  
Hot tears sprang to her eyes but she wouldn’t let them fall. “Damn him. He promised me he wouldn’t pull this shit anymore. I wish he would stop running.”  
Brendan sighed. “He’s been runnin’ so long, I don’t know if he knows how to stop.”  
“Well…there comes a time he’s gonna have to, sooner or later.” Lena stood up and slammed the rest of her beer. “Maybe he needs a reason. If so, I guess I’m not it.”  
Brendan looked at her, shook his head and narrowed his eyes. They had walked out onto the street, the cool outside air a welcome change from the warm stagnancy of the bar.  
“Lena…there’s no right way to say this…Tommy’s a little crazy. He’s been through more shit than any ten men could survive. I know he loves ya. If you’re gonna stay with him, you’re gonna have to put ya head down and prepare for blast impact all the time, like livin’ in a combat zone. That’s where he lives. That’s where you’ll live too.” Brendan started off down the street. “C’mon, let’s go to the VFW…if he’s there, we’ll know.”  
Three blocks seemed a lot to Lena, and she was listing like a damaged ship by the second block.  
“Hey. You gonna make it, Lena?” Brendan sat her on a bus bench and looked hard at her.  
“Yeah. Just need to sit for a minute, y’know…shouldn’t have slammed stupid beer, I’m not drinkin’ any more tonight, Bren, I swear.”  
“Yeah, me neither. We’re a block and a half away, you gonna make it? I already told ya I ain’t draggin’ ya.”  
Lena looked into his twinkling eyes and impish smile and laughed. “Yeah, I’m ready. Let’s do this.”  
Together they hiked up the street until the barren outer landscape of the VFW appeared in front of them, the beat-up parking lot bathed in sallow streetlight, with only a few cars gracing it-guaranteed it was going to be dead inside.  
Brendan started walking towards the front doors, but Lena pulled his arm and led him around back.  
“Where we goin’?”  
“Tommy took me here on our first date, if you wanna call it that.” Lena rapped on the big metal door on the backside of the building.  
“Nice.” Brendan smiled, watching the door a little nervously.   
Lena was about to knock again when the door lock clanked and it swung out and open. Luckily the same guy was there, though Lena wondered if he remembered her.   
“Yeah, whaddya want?”  
“Hi J, it’s me, Lena…I met you a while back ago when I came here with-“  
“Tommy Conlon, yeah I remember ya. What can I do for ya?”  
“We’re looking for him…he’s missing.”  
J laughed out loud. “He ain’t missin’, he just don’t wanna be found. Just like his Pops. All I can tell ya is, good luck.”  
“So you haven’t seen him?”  
“No. Even if I had, the answer is still no. But if I were you, I’d try somewhere near the hospital. Tommy can’t stay away from his Pops. See yas.” And he slammed the metal door shut.  
Lena let out an exasperated growl and kicked an empty beer can as it rolled by.  
“Well, there ya go. Looks like we head to Mercy.” Brendan took her arm and they left the VFW. Lena felt drunk and dejected, but started thinking of the hotels and motels that were around UPMC. Maybe he was hiding out in one of those. Just maybe.  
An hour later, Brendan and Lena stood in Paddy’s room. He was overjoyed to see them, his manic scribbling told them about the crazy overnight nurse he had and the terrible food they were giving him. He asked where Tommy was.  
“I dunno Pop.” Brendan shrugged and looked down.  
‘Want to see him.’ Paddy pointed at Lena, who took his hand and shook her head.  
“We can’t find him, Paddy. Any ideas?”  
Paddy shook his head, then scribbled, ‘When you find him, kick his ass.’ He handed it to Lena, who laughed softly.  
It was something like 3AM when Lena woke up in a start on the couch. Brendan was asleep next to her, snoring so loud that she wondered how she had slept so long. She felt fuzzy from a disturbed dream, and she felt like someone was watching her. She opened her eyes and yawned, and thought about taking a cab home-she couldn’t fall back to sleep now if she tried.  
The coffee machine was always on, Lena was so grateful as it spit out hot brown salvation in a foam cup and after eight sugar packets it was drinkable. She felt that eerie sensation of being watched and looked up and down the hallway-nothing but the still shadows of room door open, but no people. She wondered where Tommy was, what he was doing. She fished out her phone and looked up Yellow Cab- she would be home in about 35 minutes, or so the guy on the other line assured her.  
She checked in on Paddy and Brendan- both of them were deep in sleep, so she wandered down to the lobby to wait for her taxi. When the elevator opened, she could see the front lobby in its entirety, and it was empty save for one person sitting off to the side. She had to look twice; the hoodie looked too familiar, but it just couldn’t be him. She shook her head and went outside, still feeling drunk and now kind of wretched. There were stone benches outside and she needed the air.  
With her chin tucked into her shirt against her chest, she was almost asleep, when a voice startled her out of her snooze.  
“Hey.”  
She perked up immediately. It was the cabbie, and he was smiling at her. She made her way to the cab, and as she got in she glanced at the great glass windows that showed the lobby-the person who had been sitting there all alone was gone.  
TWO WEEKS PASSED, and still no one knew where Tommy was. Paddy didn’t seem worried but Brendan seemed to think he was talking to Tommy somehow and wasn’t letting anyone know.  
“Those two got some kinda secret code or somethin’. Vetspeak, I dunno.” Brendan just rolled his eyes. “Don’t worry Lena, he’ll be around.”  
Paddy was getting discharged the end of the week, and Rita vowed to help care for him- she got the nurses set up for him and prepared her house for him. Tess and the kids were back, and she and Brendan were about to settle on a house not far from the old neighborhood. Frank was traveling back to Philadelphia, while Colt was returning from his visit with the UFC and the Sparta guys. Vince and Armand had called their meeting and Lena was now co-owner of Vinnie’s-she still couldn’t believe it. She had been so lost without Tommy, but now she knew she had to get her head on straight- there was no way she could lose it now, not with the new responsibility she had plus the fact that she absolutely had to finish school with flying colors. Sparta was in five weeks and she was counting it down- Cal had stopped by Vince’s earlier in the week to tell her Tommy was out if he didn’t come in to sign paperwork and get back to training soon.  
Lena sat at her kitchen table on the eve of the third week, pouring over her when her phone started buzzing like crazy. It was a text from Tommy, and all it said was:  
[7/15 @6:00a Pittsburgh to Atlantic City, United, Gate A6. Meet you there. ]  
Lena stared at her phone, part of her in shock and the rest in disbelief. Was he leaving her for good? She tried calling but it went straight to voicemail. She texted him instead, asking [What the hell does that mean?]  
[Pack a bag. We’re only staying for a few days.]  
She tried calling him again. [Why won’t you answer my call?]  
[Not ready to talk yet.]  
[Well too fucking bad, suck it up and answer!]  
Still no answer, and no text response either. She sat at her little study table and boiled over with rage.  
[What makes you think I can just leave on a whim? I co-own a restaurant, I can’t just leave tomorrow morning!]  
After a long time, Tommy finally responded. [Yes you can. But if I have to I can switch it to an afternoon flight.]  
Lena shook her head and found herself yelling at her phone. [Where are you?]  
[Not telling.]  
[I’ve been worried sick!]  
Tommy took forever to respond. [You told me we were done if I left.]  
[I was trying to stop you. Why do you always run away from me?]  
Another eternity of waiting for a response and Lena was starting to go insane.  
[I’m not doing this now. We can talk tomorrow.]  
[You’re gonna get yanked out of Sparta if you don’t show up soon.]  
[Already took care of that. See you tomorrow. I love you.]  
Lena fought the urge to throw her phone against the wall. She tried texting him a few more times but he would not respond. She messaged Cal, who verified that he had signed the legal agreements by fax.  
“Why didn’t you call me?” Lena was bordering on the hysterical, and she had to check herself.  
Cal sputtered. “I figured he had already been in contact with you!”  
“No, I haven’t talked to him in almost three weeks. Do you still have the paperwork somewhere?”  
“Uh…” There was a rustling of papers in the background. “Yeah looks like Bren left ‘em here. Why?”  
She almost couldn’t contain her excitement. “Cuz normally when someone sends a fax there’s a return phone number along the bottom of the page, or on the cover sheet…do you see one?”  
Another loud rustling noise. “Uh yeah, here it is!”  
Lena looked up the phone number on her computer and traced it back to a hotel six blocks from UPMC. She sat staring at the address on the screen, wondering how many times she had passed it, looked at it, and wondered…  
She immediately started packing her bag, calling Vince at the same time, who begrudgingly agreed to her leaving on such short notice.  
“No more breaks, kid! I know you’re goin’ to that big fight in Vegas next month…but that’s it, don’t ask me for another thing, ya hear me?”  
Lena took a shower and put on some makeup- she looked at herself in the mirror before she left and decided it would do-she looked like she was going to work.  
Twenty long minutes later and she was standing at the concierge desk.  
“Is there a Tommy or Thomas Conlon staying here?”  
“I’m sorry, there’s no one listed by that name.” The young man at the desk was almost believable.  
“Try Tommy Riordan.”  
Tap-tap-tap on the keyboard, then another fake plastic smile. “No, I’m sorry, not that name either.”  
“OK, excuse me for a moment.” She started texting furiously: [I’m downstairs in the lobby of the Quality Inn, which room are you in?]  
After at least five minutes: [504]  
Lena gathered her bag and purse and went past the desk with her own plastic smile for the desk clerk. The elevator opened and she thought her heart would burst on the way up. When the doors opened she was face-to-face with Tommy- he had been waiting for her right outside the elevator. She had not moved and was still inside the elevator as she stared at him-he had trimmed his hair,and he was wearing a brand new black tee with ‘S7’ emblazoned on the front, she assumed for Sparta 7, and dark blue jeans-no socks or shoes. His cuts and bruises were for the most part healed, and he looked so handsome it pissed her off all over again.  
Tommy stood still, his arms crossed with smartass little smirk lurking on his lips.  
“I almost was gonna tell ya you were at the wrong place.”  
Lena started towards him and he laughed softly, backing up to the door of his room.  
“You really got balls as big as doorknobs, dontcha Tommy?” Lena was enraged and she wasn’t trying to hide it.  
“Hey I gave you the room number…” Tommy was grinning now and Lena was about to deck him. He was trying to get the door opened and keep his eyes on her at the same time.  
“Yeah, now! Two fuckin’ weeks later!”  
“Shh-“  
“I don’t give a fuck Tommy! Open the fuckin’ door then!” She snatched the room key from him and slid it in the doorlock-it beeped and finally Tommy got through the door with Lena hot on his heels. She dropped her stuff on the little chair by the door and turned towards him to yell some more, when he took her in his arms and kissed her hard.  
“No-“  
“Yes,” he breathed, and Lena was overwhelmed-he was so strong and smelled so good, and she had missed him terribly-she wanted him more than he could ever imagine. Her body ran hot and cold at the same time, she bit at his lips and tongue in frustration and he moaned loudly, taking his cue to attack her jaw and neck, ravenous, wet and loud as he rubbed her entire body with his.  
“Tommy….damn you…” She reached down in between their bodies and pulled at his shirt-he stripped it off without a word and was back to kissing her, teasing her mouth with his tongue while she stroked his bare back. His powerful arms lifted her and crushed her to him, and her body was opening to him like a flower to the sun. She was pissed about it, really, she wanted to talk first, she wanted to yell first, but it wasn’t going to happen that way. “Why does it always have to be your way…” She growled and he laughed, yanking her shirt off to expose her black bra, and he practically tore that off too. She responded by yanking his belt apart to tear at his bulging zipper-he was so rock hard there was no way she could get it open.  
“I missed you,” he huffed, and she looked up into his dark greenish eyes, his face pink with hunger for her.  
“Why did you leave me then?” She didn’t break eye contact and she watched his expression fall to stone.  
“Y’didn’t need me around…I’m too fucked up. I beat the fuck outta Brendan for no good reason.” He took her hand and ran it down his chest, the raised muscles of his abs. Sweat ran down her cheek, she was on fire for him but she wanted to respond, even as her tongue strangled in her mouth to form words.  
“I always need you Tommy…for better or worse.” She lightly scratched his belly, pulled at the fabric of his jeans. “Don’t you fuckin’ leave me again.” She looked into his eyes and kissed him, pulling him by the front of his jeans. “Take these off,” she breathed, and he worked them open and down, his body gloriously naked before her for her to kiss and touch, lick and suck. His enormous cock curved up between them like a scimitar, hard and hot and throbbing-she grabbed it and stroked it, making him shiver and moan into her mouth. She used her free hand to get her jeans off so she could feel him against her, she needed him so badly.  
They fell on the bed, and Tommy let her run the show, if only temporarily-she was all over him, his skin and flesh was the banquet she feasted on, the fresh sweat of his body all her, and his tight warm skin over rock hard muscle seemed too easy to prick with her teeth and nails, she was like a mad starved woman, so she tried to hold back from hurting him as she made her way down the hills and valleys to his hips, where he was almost hurting now, waiting for her touch.  
“Lena…” His hands caressed her head as she filled her mouth with him, and his body trembled beneath her. His voice was a gruff breathy moan as both her hands worked on him, one on the shaft of his cock and the other caressing his balls. “Holy fuck…”  
Her pussy was hot and wet, pulsating against his leg- she wanted him so badly it was hurting. Tommy wanted to stop her but it felt too good, and then he had to stop her because he was getting too close-he had to push her with his body onto her side and came down on top of her to kiss her, his mouth wide and inhaling her, her cheeks, her chin, her throat, her collarbone, to her breasts that tingled under his touch. Tommy knew when to rough her up, and he knew when to be gentle-he caressed her breasts as he teased and suckled her nipples, blew air on them and watched her shiver under his touch. Lena’s knees knocked against his ribs, and he could feel the burning moisture rising from between her legs- he took his turn to torture her, slowly sliding his kisses and caresses down her belly until he reached her sex.  
“Did you miss me?” Tommy smiled up at her, his eyes dark greenish blue and slitty. He blew cool air on her throbbing clit, his lips centimeters from the wet folds of her pussy.  
“OhmyGod I hate you Tommy…walking out on me without a word!” Lena glared down at him angrily and he began teasing her with his tongue, making her eyes roll back into her head. “Fuck you…”she rasped, feeling his fingers sliding against the opening to her body, where it hurt the most for him. “It’s not cute or funny goddammit!” But her voice was starting to fail under the accuracy of his attention, his fingers were inside her and his soft thick lips were all over her, sucking and caressing her until she thought she would scream. She twisted uncontrollably as the orgasm raced closer towards her, she could almost see it, like a wild foaming wall of seawater, or an anvil cloud black with rain and crackling with electricity.  
She cried his name, clawing the bedsheets, and Tommy held her hips down with one flexing arm to ride it out with her, his mouth locked down on her and his fingers thrusting in and up inside her. Lena burst into flames, hot and cold, an earthquake and tsunami together, lightning striking into a roiling sea, her heart seized and her lungs imploded as Tommy sucked the life essence from her body.  
“You’re mine,” he growled, mounting her, his hips finding the place where he was aching to be, and then he thrusted in quickly and she was filled with his cock, her muscles hot and slick and almost numb from the orgasm, but slithering over and around him and clenching down anyway. “Fuck…” He exhaled, holding still inside her and breathing out, his forehead against her cheek. “You’re so tight I can’t breathe,” he whispered, sounding menacing as he tried to get his control back. She pressed her face to his thick neck, sweat running down his skin from his hairline onto her cheek, his dogtag chain tangling in between her lips as she tugged at it with her teeth- he was crushing her and she stretched under his weight, rubbing against him, her pussy twisting around him, making him spit out a cry. He started a hard and slow pattern, making the bed creak, and Lena wrapped her legs up and around him, trying to meet his thrusts, looking up at his face, his lips, his eyes…  
“Why do you have to be so beautiful Tommy…” She didn’t think he could hear her, but he looked down at her and his expression changed from intense concentration to almost joy.  
“That’s my line Lena.” He fell on her with all his weight, squashing her. She gurgled and fought against him, and he rose up, laughing softly.  
“You tryin’ to kill me?” She coughed and took in a deep breath as his hips rotated and his back slipped so he was in as deep as he could get-she could feel the hilt of his cock and she tried to clamp down on it. “Ohh Tommy…”  
“Ahhh…just with my dick.” He looked down at her, his face flushing scarlet up to his ears. “I’m tryin’ to hold out…I can’t..” She could feel the spasming inside her as he flooded her with cum, his voice hitching out a deep groan that became a helpless cry. “So sorry…” he panted, falling on her again. “Been too long.”  
“It’s OK Tommy.” She knew damn well he would make up for it, he was a holy terror in the bedroom and he would have her again, probably very soon. But for now she held his overtly muscular frame, wet and breathless between her arms and legs, his dark hair plastered to his skull, long lashes fluttering closed over his glazed hazel eyes. She traced his tats gleaming in the pale golden glow of the nightstand lamp and looked around the room for the first time-he had been holed up here for almost three weeks, but it looked barren, save for a copy of ‘Irish Pittsburgh’ and ‘The Art Of War’on the nightstand. Lena smiled, thinking about Tommy sitting up late at night and reading, not getting drunk off his ass every night like everyone thought.  
Tommy had been watching her, and after she scanned the room with her private thoughts, she finally looked down into his eyes, a dichotomy of lightness in color but dark with shaded emotions.  
“Hey.” She traced the straight bridge of his nose, and the pads of her fingertips ran down along his cupid’s bow. He caught her hand with his and kissed her fingers, kissed the palm of her hand and then crawled up to kiss her mouth, hunching on all fours over her so their bodies weren’t touching anymore.  
“You wanna know what I been doin’ for three weeks?” He chewed on her throat and then along the side of her neck to her ear. “Goin’ to the gym, runnin’ the hospital grounds, and readin’ a lot. Missin’ you like crazy.”  
“Everybody’s been lookin’ for you Tommy.”  
“Yeah, I know.” He looked down at her with a little smirk. “I heard you were at the VFW with Bren lookin’ for me.”  
“Yeah, we were. We walked to all the bars in the hood searching for you that night.”  
“I needed to be on my own. I was worried…I would never hit you but I was scared after I fucked Brendan up…it was like I was possessed.”  
“Brendan told me it’s the anniversary of your mom passing-“  
“Like he would know about that.” Tommy scoffed and shook his head. He was climbing off her and sat on the edge of the bed, away from her gaze. “Yeah, so? It was a long time ago.”  
“Tommy, you’ve been going through hell for so long. We have to find a way to close up some of those wounds…you’ve been bleeding out for years and years.”  
Tommy sniffed and shook his head. “Yeah. Sure.”  
Lena sighed, realizing it was pointless to pursue it at the moment. “So…What are we going to do in Atlantic City?”  
Finally, he turned his head to look at her, his eyes red and wet but his lips curled up in a naughty smile. “Elope.”


	65. New Adventure

Lena looked aghast. “Tommy…you know I can’t-“  
“Yes you can.” He sniffed, a tear escaping and rolling down his cheek that he quickly wiped away. “No one has to know. Just us.”  
“OK, but Tommy, how is that gonna solve anything…I mean we can barely keep this thing together, we’ve been apart for three weeks-“  
“You mean I can barely keep myself together.” His bottom lip trembled and Lena didn’t know how long she could argue with him like this. “I know what you’re sayin’. I know you got your reasons, but…fuck this I’m tired of waitin’ already.”  
“What’s gonna change, Tommy? You think that’s gonna fix it?” She sat up in the bed, tangled in the comforter, and he could barely look in her dark questioning eyes now as he realized this wasn’t working out the way he had planned. “I mean…I don’t wanna go through with it, if it’s so easy to walk out on me now…getting married won’t change a thing, will it?”  
Tommy sighed, still turned away from her, sitting still on the edge of the bed. She couldn’t see the tears rolling down his cheeks, his utter frustration turning into desperation. He couldn’t emote what he was feeling, not right then anyway.  
Lena came up behind him and embraced him, kissed his back and rested her cheek on his shoulderblade, and felt his warm tears dripping down onto her skin. She wanted to cry too, she wished she could help him. She knew he wanted to do it with the hope that it would ground him to her a little more, but she knew it was an attempt, nothing more. Still, she wanted to do it anyway, just not so sudden and not against her mother’s wishes. She also knew they could always have a real ceremony later. Her mind was busy with all the details, it was so loud inside her head she wondered if any of it was audible.  
Neither of them said a word, and after a while Tommy regained control of himself. He turned around to kiss her, and she caressed his tear-stained face as he crawled on top of her, pushing her down onto the bed as he went. She welcomed him, wrapping her limbs around him and he was inside her again, gasping, making her gasp too. He worked into her, grinding and thrusting slow, and his slitty darkened grey-green eyes burned into her as he stared down at her, unflinching and determined.  
“You’re my anchor, Lena…I didn’t drink the whole time I been gone, I just trained, that’s it…you make me better.”  
Lena started to respond, even though her body betrayed her and she was throbbing beneath him, but he cut her off.  
“Don’t say no, please Lena…come with me.” His body worked her harder, faster, and she was losing ground as her body shockwaved with uncontrollable ecstasy. She looked up into his face through a haze of pleasure, her entire world rocking like awakening from a dream within a dream, and she was crying his name as he battered her-he buried his face in her hair and cried out too, exasperated and overwhelmed.  
When she returned to Earth, he was on top of her, struggling to catch his breath, and she was wet and exhausted, and looking down at his glistening gasping body, and with his damp hot face against her neck, she finally relented.  
“Let’s do it, Tommy…I’m yours, ring or not, til death do us part.”  
Tommy smiled against her neck and let out a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. He didn’t say a word, just sprang off the bed and dug around in his nightstand drawer, finally producing a small black velvet box that he popped open-Lena was agape, staring at the beautiful rose gold ring, an ornate rose framed what looked like a 2 carat diamond, the rose leaves were carved down the sides and had little sparkly diamonds within the design. She had never seen anything like it before and couldn’t imagine how much it had cost him.  
“Oh…Tommy…”  
She looked up into his smiling face. “Brendan drew it at the hospital and I had it made. D’ya like it?”  
Lena still couldn’t speak. “I…”  
Tommy took it out of the box and took her left hand. “Let’s make sure it fits…” He slipped it on and Lena felt the weight of it- she looked down at it and blinked. It sparkled up at her like it was animated, something so beautiful and it didn’t seem real. But looking at Tommy she saw he defied that as well. She threw her arms around his neck and tried to force back the tears.  
“Even when I’m not with you…I’m with you.” Tommy’s soft voice soothed her, made her choke up a little more. “Can’t be without you. I’m sorry I left, I hope you understand.”  
Lena nodded, squeezing him so tight he actually gasped. “Tommy…”  
“Yeah baby?”  
“I don’t have a ring for you!”  
He laughed. “Ah I think we can figure that out, don’t you?”  
THE NEXT MORNING came quickly. Lena had called her mom and lied her ass off, and Tommy sat looking very guilty as she did so, but before they left he worked it off by getting her off- if it was at all possible his appetite for her had grown, and Lena knew she had to get back to the gym so she could keep up with him.  
The ride to the airport, the horrible waiting lines, then finally on the plane-Tommy, his sunglasses still on, rested his seat back as far as it would go and fell asleep, while Lena worked on a project on her laptop that was due the following week. It was hard to concentrate, she knew Atlantic City was only five hours away, and the minute they arrived they had to apply for their marriage licenses. She wasn’t sure if it was all going to work out for sure, a three day waiting period was required before they could get married, but Tommy didn’t seem too worried- all he said was, “I know people.” Lena just had to laugh.  
The layover in Chicago was a little over an hour, enough time for her to figure out what the hell she was going to do about a ring. The naughty thrill was making her giddy- she knew she was doing something wrong, against her mother’s wishes, and the suddenness made her dizzy. She stole a glance at Tommy beside her, dressed in a grey shirt and black jeans, his dark Ray Ban Predators hiding his eyes, and she knew she was where she was supposed to be. His hand was on hers, caressing her knuckles, and then he kissed her palm.  
“Thought you were asleep.”  
Tommy smiled, still not moving. “I hate flying. Pills help.”  
“Ah ha.” Lena turned her computer screen towards him so he could see the wedding bands she had looked up online- an all- black band with a Celtic design embossed on it, a plain silver and black band, a gold band with “My Soul Mate” in Gaelic around it. Tommy pushed his glasses up to rest on top of his head and tried to focus- she could see his pupils were completely dilated.  
“Hmm…” He looked for a long time, his expression unchanging. “Any others?”  
Lena showed him another, a wide heavy looking gold Claddagh with emerald accents, and Tommy seemed to approve, nodding a little. She flipped the screen to a plain gold band with diamond accents and he shook his head no. A two-toned gold ring with an engraved Celtic knot popped up on the screen and Tommy smiled a little.  
“I dunno…am I supposed to pick out my own ring?”  
Lena laughed. “You’re not exactly the most materialistic guy in the world, and I can’t imagine what you would like. I need your help.”  
“OK.” Tommy pointed to the all-black ring, and the gold and emerald Claddagh. “One of them.”  
“Uh..which one? They couldn’t be any more different from each other.”  
“Surprise me,” he mumbled, sliding his glasses back down his nose and resting back again.  
Lena laughed again, poked him in the ribs.“Well you’re not making this any easier.”  
“What can I say, I try. Wake me when we get to Chicago.”


	66. Gravity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Catch me heal me lift me back up to the sun  
> Help me survive the bottom  
> Calm these hands before they  
> Snare another pill and  
> Drive another nail down another  
> Needy hole please release me  
> I am surrendering to gravity and the unknown  
> Catch me heal me lift me back up to the sun  
> I choose to live, I choose to live - "Gravity" A Perfect Circle

Lena and Tommy stood on the shore, the ocean wind blowing cool and refreshing on their faces in the early afternoon sunlight. The beach was filling with tourists, and Lena watched them set up their umbrellas and lay down towels in a haze of shock – was she really here? She looked over at Tommy-the sun was catching copper in his hair and the scruff on his face, and his eyes were still covered with his pitch-black sunglasses. They had checked into their expensive-looking suite in the ocean tower of the Resorts hotel-Tommy seemed to know his way around, and it occurred to Lena that he had been here for Sparta years ago- she shivered when she thought about what he had gone through here, and how calm he seemed to be about coming back. The hotel was a short walk from the boardwalk and the beach, the place Lena wanted to go to more than anywhere else. Once they had checked in and she got a good look around their suite, Tommy mentioned playing poker as the one thing he wanted to try and Lena laughed.  
“I’m serious. You get all dressed up and come to the table with me, be my lucky charm.” He grabbed her hips, tacking her down to the black comforter with a gold fleur-de-lis motif on the huge bed that was now theirs, and Lena laughed some more with her legs around him and her fingers in his hair.  
“Anything you want, Mr.Conlon.”  
Now as they stood with their toes in the cool sand and their skin absorbing the nourishing sun, Lena lifted his glasses to look in his eyes.  
“Hey-“  
“Lemme look at you, Tommy…” She looked up into his eyes, blue like the ocean they were on the shore of, shades of dark emerald as green as the lush hills of Ireland itself, and gold somewhere in there, glinting the promise of eternity - she imagined what it must’ve felt like to be in the gold rush, panning until something bright and glistening filtered out in the sieve, the feeling of hitting paydirt- Tommy was hers, all hers, and she prized him above all else in her life.  
“I’m ready to do this with you Tommy,” she whispered, tracing his cheek with her fingertips, down to his lips like soft pink clouds under her touch. “I love you with every part of me, body, mind and soul.”  
Tommy looked down at her, his expression inscrutable. His hands were on her shoulders and sliding up her neck, to cup her face so he could kiss her, a soft lingering kiss that left her heart melting.  
“I was just waitin’ for you to gimme the green light.” He pressed his face to hers, his breath warm on her skin. “I lose my fuckin’ mind when I’m not with you. I have to have you, always.”  
“Just promise me it’s forever.” Lena pressed her mouth to his and it was hungry and demanding, her hands ran up under his shirt to feel his soft warm skin, and suddenly there was no room in between their bodies. Tommy sucked in a deep breath through his nose and lifted her in his arms, squeezing the life out of her, and then broke from her kiss, his face glowing and his ears reddening.  
“We uh….we gotta get down to the courthouse, I mean like twenty minutes ago.”  
Lena and Tommy started off on the fifteen minute walk to the courthouse to apply for their licenses. Terribly unromantic, but it gave them three days to soak up some sun and forget the outside world existed, if just for a while. Lena was still unsure about all the details, and anytime she voiced her concern or asked any questions, Tommy would wave his arm at her and tell her not to worry about it, he had it under control.  
“I don’t wanna jinx anythin’, Lena. Just let it be, will ya? I toldja, I know people.”  
Tommy was not one to divulge information, as Lena well knew, and she could try and test him but it would do her no good. She just sighed and smiled, took his hand and followed him in to the Atlantic City bar and grill.  
It was around 4:30 when they staggered back to the hotel. Tommy had laid waste to several plates of crustaceans and a pitcher of bloody marys, with Lena’s help of course. They were stuffed and half-drunk, uncaring that passersby stared at them as they laughed loudly all the way down the street. Outside the hotel, Tommy grabbed her arm and redirected her from the front gate to drag her to the Steel Pier, where he took her on all the rides and won her a giant stuffed raccoon in the arcade games. Lena had never seen him so carefree and happy, and it made her feel so high she was dizzy from it.   
They sat at a little bar on the pier and Tommy was licking tomato juice from his lips as he sipped another bloody mary. Lena snatched the celery stalk out of his glass and crunched down on it, staring into his smiling eyes.  
“Lena, I’m kinda drunk.” He grinned like a little boy and winked. “Haven’t had a drink in almost a month.”  
Lena laughed and kissed him. “We’re celebrating. It’s OK, Tommy. I’ll take care of you.”  
His eyes turned dark and Lena held her breath. “Fuckin’ right you will,” he growled, “after I take care of you first.”  
She wasn’t sure that anything else needed to be said at that comment, she knew her crimson blush said it all. Tommy nodded, drank some more, then winked at her.  
“So uh…we need to buy you a flashy dress or what? We’re going to the tables tomorrow, right?”  
“Tomorrow? Why not tonight?”  
“No. Tonight, it’s me and you and that big fuckin’ bed up there, that balcony that overlooks the sea, some more drinks and me tearin’ you up all night.”  
“Oh yeah?” Lena smiled through her blush.  
“Yeah. You gotta problem with that?” Tommy’s accent thickened with the vodka in his veins. Lena loved it.  
“Sir no sir,” she answered and butchered a military salute, and Tommy made a sour face.  
“That was terrible. Like this,” he said, and stood up to demonstrate a proper salute, his hand bent just so, his back stiff and his shoulders squared. Lena was feeling pretty good herself and she reached out to pinch his ass.  
“Damn that’s sexy,” she purred, and he gently slapped her hand away.  
“A bad salute is an insult,” he muttered, getting back on his barstool. “I should know.”  
“What do you mean?”  
“I had KP for a week when I was just starting out, cuz I kept fuckin’ up my salutes. I got it right after that.”  
Lena grinned. “Well, what’s my punishment?”  
Tommy squinted at her. “Eh, I might let you off easy, you bein’ a civilian that don’t know no better. I gotta think about it.”  
“What if I want to be in trouble though?”  
He almost smiled. “Don’t be a smartass. That don’t get you any points with me.”  
Lena leaned over and placed her hands on the tops of his thighs. “Don’t want no points, Tommy. Just you.”  
“That you got, doll.” He drank down his glass and peered at her. “You done playin’ games? I wanna fuck around.”  
Lena raised her eyebrows. “It’s your show, boss.”  
“Good, let’s get the fuck outta here.” Tommy winked at her again. “I got somethin’ for you to play with.”


	67. It Will Not Change

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It will not change now  
> After so many years;  
> Life has not broken it  
> With parting or tears;  
> Death will not alter it,  
> It will live on  
> In all my songs for you  
> When I am gone. -  
> Sara Teasdale

Lena tramped through the sand in her bare feet- Tommy was dragging her out onto the shore to watch the sun go down.  
“The first day I was here with Pop, I came down here and watched the sun set. Pretty much right here on this spot.” Tommy stared off in the distance, watching the bright glowing sun slowly disappear into the ocean. Lena was too buzzed and too busy staring at him to notice anything else. Finally he looked at her and raised his eyebrows. “You gonna look or what?”  
Lena glowed beet red as she finally looked out towards the horizon- the sun was almost gone now, and the sky was shading violet overhead as the last stages of civil twilight occurred, the crimson-orange glow turned into shades of pink at the horizon. Stars twinkled behind the light and Lena couldn’t help but stare. It was so different here on the shore than the normal deep-in-the-city sunsets she was used to.  
When she least expected it, Tommy swept her up in his arms and kissed her, smelling like ocean air and citrus musk, his stubble scratching her skin, the breeze catching his shirt just right so that when she looked down to find her footing, she looked straight down the collar of his shirt, his hard muscles and tats a feast for her eyes. She grabbed him and held him tight, and he was hard against her in all the right places.  
“I gotta take you in now,” he growled, pulling back from her to look at her. His hungry glare softened into a smile and a knowing nod. “Yeah, you’re ready too, aren’t ya?”  
“Always ready for you, Tommy.”  
They staggered back to the hotel, quiet and smiling at each other, like they had the best-kept secret in town and only they knew about it. When the elevator opened to their floor, Tommy scooped her up in his arms and carried her to their room, deftly opening the door with her still in his arms so he could carry her through the threshold.   
“It’s a little early, but…” Tommy set her down, smiling at her. “I need some practice, Mrs.Conlon.”  
Lena couldn’t help but squeal softly in her throat with the excitement, which made Tommy burst out laughing. She threw her arms around his neck and attempted to bully him further into the room and push him down on the bed- the only reason she succeeded was because Tommy let her, the playful smile he gave egging her on.  
“Wait, wait…” Tommy was grinning now, holding his hands up as she straddled his hips, stripping her shirt off. “Whyncha open the doors over there-“he gestured to the French doors that led out to the balcony,-“let’s have some moonlight and some sea air.”  
Lena looked down at him, bare-chested and breathing hard. “Why don’t we just find a spot on the beach if that’s what you want?”  
Tommy laughed his silly giggle. “We got three days, doll. You want me to fuck you on the beach? Huh?” He tickled her and made her fall onto the bed beside him. “You want sand up your ass?”  
“I want you up my ass," she breathed, smiling coyly.  
“Oh!” Tommy had her curled up in a ball now and he thrusted his hips against hers. “Is that how it is? That's y'answer?!?”  
Lena looked up at him and purred. “My body is your playground, Tommy.”  
His half-assed smile was sinister and sly. “I already know this, doll.” He smacked her ass almost too hard and got off the bed to open the doors and pull the curtains back, letting in as much moonlight and ocean air in as possible. Then he quickly stripped off his clothes, and even after seeing it repeatedly she was still agape at his utter perfection. Tommy stood still for a moment, looking out the windows at the moonrise.  
“Goddamnit, Tommy…” She took in a deep breath, worked her jeans off and stood on her knees in the middle of the bed.   
“What is it, Lena?” He slowly approached the bed.  
“I just can’t believe this is real and you’re mine.” Lena pressed her fingers to her eyes to stop the tears that suddenly threatened to fall. She felt him getting into the bed and his warm hands were on her skin, his breath was on her face.  
“Hey.” He took her hands away from her face. “Look at me.”  
She struggled with her tears and tried to focus on Tommy’s face, his eyes glowing like emeralds with moonlight.  
“Don’t cry. Why you cryin’?”  
Lena laughed softly. “Because I’m so happy. I feel like this is all a dream. I can’t tell you how much I love you, how lucky I am to have you in my life.”  
“No, Lena…I’m the one who’s lucky. A year ago I never would’ve believed it if someone told me I would find you.” He kissed her once, softly. “And marry you.” He kissed her again, softly and sweetly. “Spend the rest of my life with you.” Then he took her in his arms and gently held her. “Don’t cry, love.” His voice was sweet and soft, and as rough as ever.  
Lena was fighting against her weepy eyes, clinging to him, her bare skin sliding against his. “Tommy…I love you…I’m sorry, just a little overwhelmed.”  
“Don’t apologize, doll,” he whispered and kissed her forehead. “This day was comin’ sooner or later, I just couldn’t wait for it to get here anymore.”  
“I just can’t believe you’re all mine,” she whispered, and she ran her fingertips and nails down lightly along his chest, his belly, his hips, barely touching him, then traced back up again- it must’ve tickled, because he shivered and smiled-she did it again and he laughed softly.  
“Ah you’re killin’ me,” he grinned. His cock was poking her belly and her side, and she slid her hands down once more to wrap them around his swollen shaft, making him groan softly and lean into it as she began jacking him.  
“This is mine too.”  
“For life,” he breathed, and kissed her, thrusting into her stroke as she worked him hard in a death grip. Lena was breathless but was loving it-she pulled away from his kiss to shoot spit into her palms and continue to stroke him nice and tight. Tommy’s lip curled and he growled low in his throat, perspiration beading on his skin-he wasn’t sure how long he could keep from attacking her and dominating her, but he was trying his damndest to keep control.  
“You’re fucking amazing,” she panted, and fell down in front of him to take him in her mouth. Tommy groaned in frustration and pleasure as his knees buckled against his will-it felt too good to stop, otherwise he would be tearing the walls down with her. She was almost choking on him she was so hungry for him, her need to please him and lust for him to unleash his fury on her were in conflict, and she moaned out loud, vibrating him with the hum.  
“Dammit Lena…I can’t take it much longer,” he said in a huff, his fingers tangling in her hair as he watched her mouth slide up and down on his cock. Every muscle in his body stood out in the moonlight, the dark trail of hair from his belly button down glinted golden copper, and she could see the moisture beading on his skin now as his breath caught in his throat. Just as quickly as it had begun it was over, Tommy was pulling her off and away to toss her down on the mattress, muttering something like, ‘You’re done, you’re fuckin’ finished…’ and he grabbed her by her legs and pulled her down so he could dive face first in between her thighs, making her yelp with the abruptness of his attack, but he surprised her with a slow flat tongue and soft sucking lips on her flesh- she felt her blood turn into maple syrup as everything slowed down to a crawl. Tommy played her like a violin, deft fingers and hungry mouth, seeming to know what to do before she could even know she wanted it- she tried to stop her thighs from collapsing on his head, but his thick neck and shoulders stopped it for her. Lena uncontrollably writhed like a snake beneath him, and he tacked her hips down so he could continue his slow burning assault.  
“Tommy, Tommy…” Lena tried to grab his shoulders and pull him up. “I want you inside me when I come…please…”  
He picked his head up and smiled at her. “You can come now…then come again…and again…” He went back at it, and she had no choice to give in to him and relax, let him take her away in soft warm waves of ecstasy that quickly became hot wide walls of water, threatening to wipe her out completely. Her fists beat against the bed as she convulsed upwards, feeling sucked into a pulsating glowing black hole- Tommy was inhaling her soul.  
As she collapsed back onto the bed, panting and unable to see, hear, or think, Tommy rose up off her and stood on his knees before her to watch her trying to catch her breath.  
“So beautiful,” he said softly, caressing her thigh. She made his features out in the shadows and silvery moonlight, and she held her arms out to him, smiling.  
“Tommy…come here and kiss me.”  
Tommy acquiesced, lowering himself down to crawl along her body, slithering all the way, until he was wrapped up in her limbs and buried inside her, welding their bodies together, his body covering her, crushing her, piercing her, so deep inside her she was breathless and gasping for dear life.  
“I want this all night,” he growled, “no sleep for you…” Tommy was relentless and so hungry for her, and Lena was almost impotent in the face of such an insatiable appetite: she mounted him and rode him, caressed him and sucked on him, but his patience with it would only go so far. He wanted carte blanche with her body, she had to submit to his rapacious desire for her in order for him to find release. His hands bound hers above her head as he worked inside her, twisting, pivoting, thrusting in and out and skewering her. She found herself fighting against him to have some of the control back- somewhere there was a test of wills going on and she felt she had to wrestle with him. His skin was hot and wet against hers, and she shuddered as a cool breeze off the ocean blew in and drafted in between their bodies.  
“Ahh Tommy!” Lena shivered and he acted fast, letting go of her hands and thrusting hard and quick. She tightened into a ball beneath him and exploded like a supernova, taking him with her, sudden and clean over the edge, hard like a wrecking ball, sweet and joyous and liberating, and their cries echoed together in culmination.  
“We take a break now…then we’re doin’ it again,” Tommy rasped, laying next to her now and panting.   
“You’re an animal,” she whispered, and gently bit the first thing she could, which was the flesh and muscle of his ribs. Tommy cried out and laughed.  
“So are you, y’know you fuckin’ love it,” he growled, and kissed her hard.

LENA awoke the next morning to the smells of breakfast- there was a room service cart in the room with covered plates oozing bacon and egg smells, and a sweating carafe of cold delicious orange juice. She was dying for all of it. She could hear the shower running, and she wanted that too.  
Just as she sat up and swung her legs around the side of the bed, there was a knock at the door. She wrapped herself up in a blanket and went to the door, and was surprised to see a courier there with an envelope from the courthouse.  
“Tommy?” She opened the bathroom door and found Tommy naked and looking much more appetizing than the breakfast, drying himself off and smirking at her as she held up the envelope.  
“I toldja not to worry, didn’t I?”  
Lena shook her head in disbelief. “How?”  
He wrapped the towel around his hips and shook his head back at her. “Why d’ya have to know everything, can’t you just accept it?”  
“I’m too curious. Inquiring minds want to know!” Lena laughed but her smile didn’t reach her eyes, burning into him with dark intensity.  
“Alright, quit it, would ya?” He kissed her forehead and brushed past her out of the bathroom, taking the envelope with him. “C’mon, let’s eat, I’m starvin’.”


	68. Anahata

Lena and Tommy walked up to the courthouse to sign a few documents. The day was beautiful, sunny and warm with a salty sea breeze cooling the sweat from Lena’s brow the way there and back. Tommy was as equanimous as ever, never taking off his glasses, even when he was stopped for autographs here and there along the way-he even half-smiled and was almost conversational a few times. Lena was happily surprised but kept her comments to herself- it had to be the marriage license burning a hole in his hand that made him happy. She was pretty giddy herself, the shock was wearing away to a growing thrill at being Tommy’s bride. She thought about the beautiful ring in a velvet box that he had made just for her, the way Tommy was keeping her in the dark about everything, the fact that she had to figure out how to change her name on all her identification and retrain herself to sign ‘Lena Conlon’ instead of ‘Lena Rossi’- the madness of it all made her insides flutter.  
Now back at the hotel room, as Lena watched him strip down to his black shorts and smile lazily at her, she thought of her vows to him that she was keeping to herself – “So dear I love you, that with you all the deaths I could endure, but without you live no life.” She had read ‘Paradise Lost’ a long time ago, but she had memorized that quote for life. It was something unattainable to her at the time, something she never in her life thought she could ever feel. Now here she was, in a darkened hotel room, secluded from everyone in her family, with this hulking man who wanted her all to himself, forever. The deep darkness in Tommy made her shiver, but his love for her was a rock, and in just the few months of them being together, the light that shone from within him had grown from the faintest twinkling of a distant star, to a roaring blazing sun that she could almost hear. She sighed now as she rested her head on his chest, a firm warm wall of muscle and hair, his heart thundering from deep within-she became his heartbeat, his life force, she could feel herself merging with him on another level entirely. Tommy stood still, his even breaths rustling her hair as he held her to him, his mind still as it hadn’t been in as long as he could remember. There, in each other’s arms, the symphonic poem of their love radiated through them, they had found the peace and tranquility they had both been searching for. It had been there all along.  
Neither one of them said anything for a while. The finality of their separate lives ending hung by a thread and they were both happy to see it go- the horizon spanned out before them in their new life together, and Lena knew she was right where she was supposed to be- with Tommy, until the very end of the world.

“Lena. What the fuck is goin’ on?”  
Lena paid him no mind, just continued stroking his bare flesh with a giant feather.  
“Lena, goddammit, untie me.” Tommy’s voice indicated he was not joking around and wasn’t going to tolerate it for much longer. Lena stood over him, hovering over the bed in a hot pink teddy and heels, tickling Tommy’s bare body that she had shackled to the bed with the cheap fuzzy handcuffs she had bought from the toy store up the street. She had snuck off while he was snoring-they had passed the store on the way to and from the courthouse, teasing each other about going in but never doing it. When she had returned, he was still dead to the world, half drunk and orgasmed out, so she carefully handcuffed him to the bedposts as he lay face down and comatose, and tickled him awake, but it turned out to be a rather unpleasant surprise for both of them as Tommy began to cuss loudly.  
“Let me go I fuckin’ mean it!” The headboard rattled loudly as Tommy struggled against his shackles. If she didn’t uncuff him he was going to jerk his shoulder out of place trying to break out. She unlocked the handcuffs under Tommy’s hot glare, and as soon as he was able he sat up and pulled her down onto the bed, pinning her almost painfully beneath him.   
“Don’t you ever do that again, doll.” The green in his eyes had caught the light and glowed like fiery emeralds at her, and then she felt the fur around one of her wrists as he snapped the cuff around it. She shook her arm and found he had shackled it to the bed.  
“Oh shit.”  
Tommy’s eyes crinkled at the corners as he smiled wolfishly at her. She tried to move but he had some jiu jitsu shit going on with her limbs and it just wasn’t going to happen.  
“Oh yeah. You fucked up.” Tommy wrestled with her for a moment until he got her other wrist cuffed as well. Then he rose up on his knees to survey his prize. “Hmm. Just look at you now.” His fingers ran along the bustline of her teddy, down her ribs, to her belly. “What were you thinking…”  
Lena watched the almost perverse smile play on his lips and felt a growing sense of alarm creeping up her spine. Tommy sensed it and chuckled evilly.  
“I think maybe I should leave you like this…y’know, just for a little while. As punishment.”  
Lena looked pissed and flipped him off from behind the handcuffs. “I let you go, didn’t I?”  
“Yeah…but no one ties me up. No one.” Tommy looked down at her and she watched his face go blank. She wondered now if something more was behind it, another abuse story, another bad memory…  
“I’m sorry Tommy…”  
His expression remained unchanged as he freed her without another word. She lay still pinned beneath his weight, rubbing her wrists as he had made it a little too tight when he cuffed her. His eyes travelled all over her, hot pink lace and half a breast showing from her attempt at wrestling him- his cock had been hard from the moment he woke up but now it was at full mast, thick and pointing right at her. She ran her fingers down his chest, along his ribs, scratching just a little as she coasted down his obliques. The hunger burned in his hot gaze but he gave no motion, expression or cue to tell her what she should do. She looked up into his sea green eyes and wrapped her hands around his cock- his blank stare faltered a little and his nostrils flared as she stroked him slowly, decidedly tighter and harder.  
“Can you forgive me?” She smiled a little as her breath caught in her throat. Her husband looked down at her blankly and leaned into her hands, exhaling so it blew against her face and chest.  
“Why would I…” Tommy closed his eyes and leaned into her stroke. “Did nothin’ wrong.” And then he was suddenly all over her, salty sweat and biting mouth, his strength overpowering her again, and he took her with him on the ride through pleasure and ecstasy- he could do it to her again and again and she would never tire of it, his hands on the small of her back and his lips on her throat as he entered her-she felt she would split in two from both the raging emotion and pleasure, and the sheer size of his body as he filled her and pressed his heavy frame against her. Hot waves of steam rose from their skin as it rubbed and sealed together in sweat and friction, the blood vessels in her face and neck throbbed as her eyes rolled wildly before squeezing shut.  
“Tommy!” Her body spasmed and splayed out, then froze as she helplessly contracted beneath him, all around him. He cried out softly, his face a mask of pain as he tried to hold back. Lena’s nails dug into his thighs as she attempted to grab his haunches, riding the rest of her orgasm out with Tommy like a jetting fountain inside her, his hoarse cry loud and broken in her ear. He fell, wet and drained and gasping, atop her, and she kissed his neck, his collarbone, whatever her mouth could reach.  
“Lena….” Her name was a breathless whisper, and she squeezed him with her arms and legs in response. “Let’s go get married…”

Lena and Tommy picked up the ring she had ordered for him online at the nearby jewelry store, and went shopping in the nearby shops for “the dress”, as Tommy put it. He had an idea of what he wanted to see her in, and he wasn’t going to give up until he found it.  
“Well what is it? Red, black, silk, sequins, what?” Lena was getting tired as he pushed the door open to enter another boutique.  
“I dunno. When I see it I’ll know.”  
After what seemed like a blur of several stores, Tommy finally settled on a strappy red dress for her, nothing audacious but definitely a head-turner. He also picked out a pretty white dress, something very simple and summer-like without being too revealing. When Lena came out of the dressing room in it, he sat and stared at her with his eyes melting and a smile tickling his face.  
“That’s it. That’s the one.”  
“Yeah, you said that about the red one!” Lena leaned down into his big smile and kissed him, biting his lips just a little as he laughed softly.  
“That’s the one too. C’mon, you wanna get outta here and get some dinner?”   
Lena sat across from Tommy as they shared a bucket of seafood, potatoes and corn. He was drinking whiskey sours and was annihilating some crab legs when he caught her staring.  
“What?”  
“You are starting to really piss me off. You won’t tell me when or how or why or anything. You’re picking out my clothes and I don’t even know what the hell is going on.” Maybe it was the tequila sunrise talking, but Lena was frustrated that Tommy was running all of it and she had little to no say in it.  
Tommy looked across the table from her and tossed a crab carcass in the bucket.  
“Look, you can completely redo everything when we get home. Right now we gotta do things my way.” He signaled the waitress as she went by and ordered another whiskey sour.  
“So that’s it, this is Tommy’s show huh?”  
Tommy shook his head and narrowed his eyes. “Don’t do this. We don’t have to fight. I mean, unless you really wanna.” He sat back and eyed her with a little more contempt than she liked.  
“I don’t wanna fight. I just want you to tell me what’s going on. I mean, you’re not the only one getting married here.”  
“Yeah, I know. And you can do everything exactly the way you want when we get home, since we ain’t even supposed to be doin’ this in the first place…and you can do whatever you want. I swear. Just let me have this-“ He was sitting forward and grabbing her hands to kiss them. “I wanted it to be like I dreamed it.”  
Lena looked into his aggravated expression and pleading eyes and found herself giving up. “Damn you Tommy….”  
“I had this all in my mind. For months.” He squeezed her knuckles till it hurt. But she didn’t pull away. His eyes caught hers and he hypnotized her with his intense gaze. “I been plannin’ it for that long.”  
Lena’s eyes widened. “Months?”  
“Yeah. The last two I been in contact with my guy here, he’s a Marine and has an in with the judge that approved our licenses.”  
“Oh…” Lena sat back a little and polished off her tequila sunrise. She couldn’t recall when the waitress had set another one out for her, but she started working on it right away.  
“And I had to get this all done at the right time before Sparta.”  
“Why before Sparta?”  
“Cuz you’re the beneficiary on my life insurance and my power of attorney in case anything happens to me.”  
Lena looked shocked. She had never thought about that before but it made perfect sense. She shuddered at the thought of anything ever happening to Tommy- it made her start to cry and she had to fight it off.  
“You have a lot of papers you gotta sign. And there’s the will too.” Tommy took a drink of his whiskey sour and half of it was gone.  
“What?”  
“Yeah. The will.”   
Lena shook her head. “Tommy…why couldn’t you just tell me everything?”  
“I wanted to do this differently…but I love you Lena and I really couldn’t wait.” He finished his drink and started getting the ‘I wanna get out of here’ look as his eyes scanned the room. “I was dreamin’ ‘bout this the first time I ever saw you.” When he looked at her again she knew she was damned to love him eternally, even when she was unequivocally pissed at him. He was black magic and she was addicted to him.  
“Tommy…” Lena’s dark eyes riveted him to his seat.  
“What baby.”  
“I need you to take me back to the hotel. I have to tell you something.”  
Tommy’s eyebrows went up. “What’s that?”  
“Can’t tell you here.”  
Tommy waved the waitress down. “Check please.”

Lena’s mouth was pressed against his ribs, his pounding heart against her lips, the hair and skin musky as she breathed him in- his dog tags slid sideways and were cold against her forehead as she bit and licked his nipple, making him hiss in his breath. Her hands kept working his cock and her body felt like the flame blazing bright and dancing on a candle as she fluidly shimmied down his body. All she could see, all she could hear, smell, taste and feel, was Tommy-and it was all she ever wanted. His body reacted helplessly, his control stripped away with the flow of alcohol burning through his veins as Lena dominated him, her only desire inflaming her until it enveloped her and she became it. Tommy didn’t stand a chance this time, and part of him didn’t want to- he could relinquish some of the beloved control he wrought over himself only to her- he writhed as she pushed his hips down on the bed to take the length of him into her mouth, as deep as she could while still breathing. Tommy’s thighs trembled, and she scratched the curling thick hair there that sparsely covered his skin as she reacted with fervor to his submission to her, sucking him slowly, forcefully, making him gasp as he was tacked down to the mattress by her sheer willpower.  
“Lena…” Tommy’s breathless cry spurred her on and she drank him down to the hilt, faster and harder until she thought she would come with him as he exploded in her mouth, his hard thick body turning to jello beneath her.  
His body shuddered against her as he tried to catch his breath. She had owned him, if only for a moment, caught a tiger by the tail and subdued him, and she reveled in the moment, his seed still stinging on her tongue as her temple rested against his hipbone.  
“Fuck…” He sighed loudly, his breathing finally slowing. Tommy Conlon, her Marine, her cage fighter, the thief of her heart. She was high on alcohol and floating on a cool cloud of satisfaction. “Don’t ever leave me alone Lena…”  
She thought about the rings that were to bind them on the physical plane; somewhere she knew they were already bound together eternally in a place only they could see and be together in. The rings were just a symbol.  
“Never,” she whispered huskily and twisted herself up his frame to kiss him, where she found him hungry for her, wanting more.  
“Swear it,” he rasped, his voice a dry wind rushing through the hollow of her soul, turning her white-hot with his flaring passion. He was flipping over on top of her to bite and lick and kiss and inhale her- he tasted of salt and smelled like sex, his body was rubbing against her eagerly and left her breathless.  
“I swear…Tommy I swear on both our lives…”


	69. Wet Sand

Tommy stood out on the beach- it was just before sunrise, and the cold sand numbing his feet, nor the cool breeze blowing off the ocean that stung his eyes with salt, couldn’t sway his resolve. The one man that had come forward in his defense and support during his worst hour, Sergeant First Class Mark Bradford, stood with his father, Daniel Bradford, a retired chaplain for the Army and now County Clerk of Atlantic City, waiting for Lena to meet them for the ceremony. Mark and Daniel had been Tommy’s connection to his months of planning that led up to this very moment.  
“Dude, you sure she’s comin’?” Mark laughed. He hadn’t changed at all since their last meeting- Tommy had ripped the door off a tank to save Mark and four of his brothers many years ago, something neither one of them would ever forget.  
Tommy fixed his eyes on Mark without a smile. “Yeah I’m sure.”  
“I mean, she can’t run now, can she?”  
Daniel patted his son’s shoulder. “She didn’t want Tommy to see her yet, Mark. Don’t you know the rule?”  
“I know, Dad…just…she tried it on for him in the dressing room-“  
“Shh, here she comes.” Tommy stood straight and tall as Lena’s frame wrapped in that pretty white dress came into focus in the golden dawning of light- the sun peeked a crescent over the Atlantic waters and Tommy’s eyes teared up as he watched her approaching. She had flowers in her hair and a small bouquet of flowers in her hand- violets that Tommy had picked just for her. Her sandaled feet tread heavily in the damp powdery sand, and she slowed as she approached the small group of men; Tommy’s frame unmistakable in his dark grey two piece suit, white shirt, no tie, with a little cluster of violets on his lapel, and his bare feet in the sand-Lena was breathless. Mark and Daniel smiled wide at her, looking on expectantly- she had to move a little faster, the beach would be filling up with people soon enough.  
She was fighting tears in her own eyes as she watched Tommy’s eyes flow down his cheeks- he smiled his little boy smile and sniffed in the rest as he took her hand and they faced Daniel together.  
“Thomas Conlon and Lena Rossi… today you came here as individuals, but you will leave here as husband and wife, blending your lives, expanding your family ties, and embarking upon the grandest adventure of human interaction. The story of your life together is still yours to write. Those present have come to witness and celebrate your love and commitment this day - eager to be a part of the story not yet told. I understand you have written your own vows, so I ask you, Lena, to begin.”  
Daniel smiled as Lena choked up, looking away from him to look at Tommy. She could see everything there in his eyes, wonder, joy, comfort and…endearment. She started to tear up again, but coughed to clear her throat and began.  
“Love should have no other desire but to fulfill itself. But if my love and needs must have desires, then these are it: to melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to your heart. To know the pain of too much tenderness. To be wounded by my own understanding of love, and to bleed willingly and joyfully. To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving you; to rest at the noon hour and meditate love's ecstasy; to return home at eventide with gratitude; then to sleep with a vision of you in my heart and a song of love on my lips. So dearly I love you, that with you all the deaths I could endure, but without you live no life.”  
Lena slipped the heavy band onto Tommy’s thick finger. His mouth hung open just enough to let her know he was speechless. She had made it through the vows without crying and now she broke into stifled tears with an encouraging smile for him, hoping he could recover enough to say what he wanted, what she couldn’t wait to hear.  
“Thomas…”Daniel’s gentle voice snapped the couple back into reality. Tommy cleared his throat and spoke in a soft hoarse voice- Daniel and Mark strained to hear, but Lena knew it was really meant for her ears alone.  
“Io, Tomasso, prendo te, Lena, come mia sposa e prometto di esserti fedele sempre, nella gioia e nel dolore, nella salute e nella malattia, e di amarti e onorarti tutti i giorni della mia vita.”   
Lena was completely shocked at his perfect Italian pronunciation, and she understood most of it…  
“Beloved partner, keeper of my heart's odd secrets, clothed in summer blossoms so the icy hand of winter never touches us, I thank you for your patience with me. Our joining is like a tree to the earth, a cloud to the sky, and even more. We are the reason the world can laugh on its battlefields and rise from the ashes of its selfishness to hear me say, in this time, this place, this way – I loved you best of all.”  
Tommy took the ring from Mark and slipped it on her finger. Lena stood motionless, unsure of what to do next. She was half tempted to rip his clothes off and have him right there in front of God and everybody- he was beautiful, he was perfectly flawed, and he was all hers.  
Daniel smiled, clasping his hands. “By the power vested in me by the state of New Jersey, I now pronounce you man and wife.”  
Tommy hadn’t even heard the entire sentence before he grabbed Lena up in his arms and crushed him to her, his mouth hard and sucking on hers. The sun was almost completely up, and all either one of them could think about was getting back to the hotel.  
“Ummm…” Mark’s questioning hum cut the kissing off. Tommy’s face was red and wet with tears as he looked at Mark with a happy grin. “Dad’s gotta get back…”  
“Oh yeah, course…” Tommy grabbed Daniel’s hand and shook it vigorously. “I can’t thank you enough, for everythin’-“  
“Tommy, don’t thank me. It’s the very least I could do…my son wouldn’t be here today without you. Good luck to you both.” He smiled and nodded at Lena. “It was a pleasure meeting you.”  
“Thank you so much, Mr. Bradford-“  
“It’s Daniel. Blessings to you both.” He smiled and waved, walking off towards the boardwalk. Visitors were starting to arrive and Lena wanted off the beach. Mark hugged them both, smiling happily.  
“I’ll catch up with you guys tonight, maybe we can get some dinner! Congrats!” Mark ran after his father, and Tommy and Lena were left on the beach in their finery, staring at each other.  
“This feels like a dream, right?” Tommy laughed softly and Lena joined him.  
“Yeah…Tommy I got some serious questions, though…” She took his hand in hers and pulled him towards the boardwalk.  
“What’s that, doll?”  
“First… where did you learn to speak Italian? And what exactly did you say?” Lena was laughing out loud as Tommy snapped her up in his arms and swung her around.  
“Well…” He set her down and they continued their trek to drier land. “All I said was, I take you as my wife and promise to be faithful to you always, in joy and in pain, in health and in sickness, and to love you and every day honor you, for the rest of my life. I had to learn it and memorize it. I might have fucked it up, I dunno…and what’s this, you don’t speak Italian?!?” His toothy grin made her giggle all over again.  
“I did…I mean, sorta.” Lena shrugged. “It’s all dialect you know. You were speaking it correctly, I’m the one who’s got the issues…corrupted English and Italian with a little Sicilian in the mix is what I’m used to.” She hooked her arm in with his, and he kissed her head as they neared the boardwalk, where earlier they had both stuffed their sandals under a bench. The hotel was just a few feet away.  
“I just…I almost can’t believe this finally happened. I mean…” He looked down at her, his emerald-azure eyes caressing her features with a loving look. “You’re Lena Conlon now…family to my family. And I’m the same to yours…what are we gonna tell ya mom?”  
“Oh hell no, you mean what are YOU gonna tell my mom?” Lena laughed but she was half-joking.  
“We’ll tell her together.” Tommy held the door open to the hotel for her, and they crossed the lobby, both of them silent and moving as if in a dream. People stared at the beautiful couple, well- dressed and smiling. Lena’s heart was soaring-she almost couldn’t wait to get home. Their plane left in seven hours, seven hours until the return to reality. Tommy still had some gambling to do, and Lena still had her sexy red dress to wear while he did so, but right now they were in the dark cool room together- there was still time for this. Slowly, they undressed each other in the dappled sunlight coming through the half-open curtains. Lena wanted to commit everything, all of it, to memory- their consummation today; his easy smile as she looked into his ultramarine eyes; the soft huff of his breath on her skin; the way his hands looked on her body, cupping her breasts, caressing her sides, grasping her hips; his lips lush and flushed almost hot pink as he came in for a possessive kiss; his voice as he said her name. Seven hours....


	70. Back To Black

Seven hours until this magic time they shared was over.  
“Lena…lemme have you…all of you…” His voice was shaky with anticipation as he urged her towards the bed. She looked up into his face, dark with his intent, his eyes hooded and his breath blowing hot on her, and she was falling back on the bed, her hair a soft crown around her head. Tommy fell on her and the smell of their hormones mixing together put her in a drunken state- she reached her arms and legs around him as he filled her mouth with his tongue, his tight soft skin running against hers, hard muscle bulging and threatening to crush her, but never doing so. Lena ran her hands up his back, all his mountainous strength pressing her to the bed with such gentleness, and the part of her that wanted him to take her with all his ferocity grew in maddening shudder, but Tommy kept his restraint, kissing her all over, softly and passionately, his touch light and exploring along her body, his mouth feasting on the soft flesh of her breasts, teasing her nipples.  
“Ahh!” She felt her nails catch his scalp as she ran her fingers through his hair, but he kept working his way down, nibbling the thin flesh around her ribs and down, as the skin spread out across the plane of her abdomen, so did his hungry kissing mouth. A veil of sweat broke out along her skin everywhere, and she quivered, her breath caught in her throat- his breath was warm on the inside of her thigh, his fingers gently, teasingly stroked the mound of her sex. She stifled a gasp and opened her eyes to see him looking up at her with a knowing look.  
“Tommy…please…” Lena held a hand out to him but he just shook his head as he entered her.  
“Not til you get yours.”  
She grasped his hand as it worked her body, but he moved it so he could put his mouth on her. Her world exploded into a hundred million particles of multi-colored light as she squeezed her eyes shut, moaning softly and trying not to move-the pleasure was overwhelming, her heart was racing and she was powerless beneath him. His slow wet tongue flattened against her flesh, his fingers filled and stretched her opening-her thighs trembled against his broad shoulders as her body arched upwards towards his mouth. Tommy’s wide hand pushed her pelvis back down, and he wrapped one arm around her hips to subdue her.  
“Oh Tommy please come here, please come up here…”  
“Mmm mmm.”   
Lena was his captive- she had to let go of herself so Tommy would let go of her and give her what she wanted. Deep inside her body she felt the hunger rising for him, like a necessary basic desire for food or sleep, she craved him, he was a part of her and she wanted to join with him again to feel energized, complete. Suddenly she was jolted through the pleasure into screaming ecstasy- her Universe exploded in the sudden expansion and her very soul shattered into a million white-hot fragments that became distant stars and galaxies inside her soul, quickly cooling and dimming in the ecliptic plane of her consciousness. She had forgotten she had a body until Tommy was climbing her like a tree, and held her legs aloft his shoulders to drive himself deep inside her wet fount, groaning out loud-Lena stared up at him, his glistening body blushed and ruddy from his ears all the way down his chest, and she was mystified and still blown back from her orgasm, yet her hands reached out to touch him, her fingers sliding across his wet flexing abs, down into the dark wet thatch of hair, until she could almost wrap her fingers around the thick shaft there that was mercilessly pumping her sex. Tommy’s face emoted his intensity, sweat dripped off his nose and down his neck as he worked her like a punching bag, he hissed his breath out and grunted softly, his eyes black coals downcast and fixed on her. Then he was flipping her, until she was on all fours and he was behind her, leaving her to grip the headboard as he rammed her deep and hard. His right hand gripped her shoulder and his left was in her hair, just a little shy of yanking it, and the bed was making a grinding noise somewhere- Lena cried his name and felt the flood as she squirted against him, coming again full force, and she could hear the mounting pressure in his huffing voice- his wide hands gripped her hips now and he railed her relentlessly. Her hands slipped off the headboard and she fell face first onto the mattress, and Tommy cried out in a hoarse voice and leaned forward in a shuddering stop, coming hard inside her and effectively smothering her under his weight.  
“Oh…baby…” He pulled her up, turned her weak floppy frame toward him and let her fall on him, kissing her forehead, face and finally her mouth. “I wasn’t tryin’ to kill ya…” He lowered them both onto the bed, letting her rest atop his body.  
“It’s OK Tommy…” Lena slid against his wet chest, her head finding a nook between his pec and ribs to rest on. “You haven’t killed me yet…”  
“Take a lil’ nap…then I’m takin’ you out, doll.” His hand mindlessly played along her shoulder and arm as he drifted away quickly, his system was shutting down and he was letting go into the soft dim void of sleep. Lena had no issue whatsoever in joining him.

LATER…Lena awoke in the cave-like atmosphere of their room. She reached beside her, numbly feeling for Tommy, but the bed was empty save for herself. She listened for a shower running or some evidence of life, but she quickly realized she was alone. The only thing she could see in the dark was the rhythmic blue flash from her cellphone somewhere in the room, letting her know she had notifications to see to.  
Flipping on the light she made her way across the room and checked her phone- three messages from Cal, one from Brendan, one from Uncle Vince. She felt a sinking sensation as she opened the messages, one by one, Cal’s first.  
[Hey.] [Hello?] [OK, last one. I know where you are. You better not be doing what I think you’re doing. Paddy is not doing so good, so you may wanna get back here soon.]  
Brendan- [Lena, you and Tommy need to come home ASAP. Paddy had another stroke.]  
Uncle Vince- [Hey kid, got more papers from Armand today, need a few more signatures I guess. Hurry home.]  
Lena shook her head and sighed. Where was Tommy? She decided to hop into the shower- if he wasn’t back by the time she got out, she would start recon.  
Shower done-as she was shutting off the water she heard a loud bang, sounded like a door.  
“Lena!” Tommy’s bellow rattled her teeth. The bathroom door swung open and he stood in the doorway staring at her. His eyes were bloodshot, his knuckles were bruised and bloody, and his shirt was torn.  
“What happened?” Lena dropped her towel and approached him, but he threw his hands up.  
“No. We gotta get outta here. Now. Get your shit together.” He turned around and left her there to start grabbing whatever she had in the bathroom, and stuff it in her bag she had put by the door. She pulled on the clothes she had laid out and walked out into the suite, where Tommy was throwing clothes into an open suitcase. He was too preoccupied to notice her slowly coming closer.  
“Tommy.” Her voice was soft but jarring enough to make him jump. “What is happening?”  
“Pop….I had to call the UFC, they pulled some strings so we can catch the soonest flight out.” Sweat beaded and ran down his scarlet face. He wouldn’t look at her. He smelled like blood and fear. “Cab’ll be here in 20 minutes. Finish packin’.”  
Lena resumed her smash and grab, following Tommy’s lead, stuffing her suitcases, grabbing shoes and everything she didn’t need right away in a blur of worry and shock, confusion and mounting sadness. Tommy opened the front door and pulled in a luggage cart he had brought up from the lobby, and starting throwing everything on it, still without a word.  
In the elevator Tommy was on the verge of hyperventilating. His fist was wrapped so tight around the handle of the luggage cart, Lena could see the flesh pulling back from his split knuckles, exposing bloody white cartilage. She dug in her purse for a handkerchief she had stuffed in there during the mad saddle up earlier, and when she went to place it over his hurt hand he recoiled, stealing a furtive wild look at her. She watched his expression quickly change, and the tears welled up in both their eyes, and suddenly Tommy was grabbing her and hugging her so tightly she heard her ribs groan and crack- she could not breathe.  
“Lena…Lena…”His constricted throat softly squeaked her name out in a gasp of air as he fought against the sob rising in his throat.  
“I’m here baby.”  
The elevator landed on the ground floor with a interruptive ding. As the doors opened, Tommy released her, his face a mess-she could see he had a scrape on his cheek now as she looked at him head on- she reached out to touch him, he shook his head ‘no’.  
“I’ll tell ya…jus’ not now.” He grabbed the cart and pulled it behind him, steering everything towards the front doors of the hotel. It was pouring rain, lighting and thunder raged above them as they stood beneath the shelter, close by the taxi lane.  
“I got a couple texts from Cal.” Lena watched Tommy’s expression- somewhere above them a leak was evident in the shelter, water dripped down onto Tommy’s face, mixing with the sweat and tears already there. “He said we needed to come home.”  
“Everyone knows ‘bout us…told Bren. He knew it was happenin’ anyway, I’m sure he told Cal an’ now ya mom knows…not the way I planned it.” Tommy looked apologetic, but in the face of everything else happening, it paled in comparison.  
“Don’t worry…she’ll bitch me out later. It’s gonna be OK, Tommy.” Lena cupped his angled face, ran a finger down the long bridge of his perfect nose. “Give me some of it. I can take it.”  
Tommy wrapped his arms around her, burying his face in her neck, her hair, as a child would, trying to hide from the world. “Tryin’…”  
The cab pulled up and soon they were travelling at high velocity to the Atlantic City airport- the storm raged around them, and Lena felt strange and displaced, dreamlike and numb somewhere in her mind, a part of her brain stifling thought and leaving her a raw ocular nerve, attempting to process the world around her by sight alone.  
Tommy was chewing pills in the airport, arguing with the girl at the counter who insisted he and Lena were not on the nonstop to Pittsburgh that was leaving in 45 minutes. Lena’s head was swimming. She was starving and suddenly felt dizzy- she had to sit down right away, or she was going to fall down.  
Cold orange juice was in her hand, and Tommy had candy and sandwiches in his broken swollen hands. His eyes conveyed his terror.  
“Hey, drink it. Come on. Y’almost passed out on me.” Where he had been flushed and bright red before, he was pale and almost grey now. “Please Lena…”  
She was a little confused and unsure of how she had come to sit in the waiting area of their gate. She drank the orange juice down, and looked at Tommy when it was gone.  
“More?”  
Lena nodded. Moments later he was back with more ice cold tangy sweetness, and she swallowed it down rapidly. A fog was lifting, she could suddenly see a little clearer, hear a little better, feel her extremities. She shook her head, looking at Tommy for answers.  
“Ya look hypoglycemic to me.” He shrugged. “Ma was bad, sugar crashed all the time…’specially at the end.” He kissed her forehead, rubbed her upped arms. “You OK?”  
Lena nodded. “Yeah, I was feeling so weird…I didn’t know why. I thought it was everything that was going on…are we still getting that flight, or…?”  
“Yeah. Our luggage is gettin’ loaded now. I had to call the UFC back to get it done. Fuckin’ pricks here.” Tommy shook his head, then looked at her, his big dark aqua orbs fixated on her. “You need to see a doc when we get back. This ain’t normal.”  
“It’s probably just stress, Tommy-“  
“No, fuck that, awright? I saw Ma go through that same shit an’…I ain’t gonna watch you go through it if I can help it.”  
“OK Tommy. OK.” She smiled at him, looked at him squatting in front of her looking like a big overgrown puppy. “Are you gonna tell me what happened to your cheek, your shirt and your hands?”  
He sighed deeply, avoiding eye contact. “There’s always some asshole that ain’t happy with just a autograph….but then I didn’t wanna give that either. So he may or may not have lost a couple teeth.” He shrugged, and looked at her again. “You gonna be awright to fly, doll?”  
“Yeah Tommy…what am I gonna do? Be without you?” She leaned down and tried to pull his bulky frame towards her, pressed her mouth against his- he smacked his lips against her sweet kiss, his desperation and fear still evident in his jangling nerves.  
“Yeah, no….fuck that, can’t do this without you, doll.” He breathed hot on her face and kissed her again, until the voice overhead announced their flight was boarding. “C”mon…you ready?”  
Lena stood up, and her legs were still shaking, just not as bad as before. “Yeah. Let’s do this.”


	71. Schism

Pittsburgh was feeling the storm system too- the downpour of rain raged against the tarmac as their plane landed at 7:43 PM. Tommy had taken all the pills he could by that time, and washed them down with airplane cocktails, but he was wide awake and stretched tight as a rubber band, his eyes hot glassy azure embers burning through Lena’s skull as he woke her up with a gentle shake.  
“’Ey Lena…we’re home.” His dark strawberry blonde stubble scraped her cheek as he kissed her forehead, once, twice- then a brief warm kiss on her lips. She knew there wasn’t going to be time for such niceties now, so she gripped his chin, surprising him, and sucked in his bottom lip between hers. He only hesitated for a moment, and then pressed himself against her as much as possible, moaning just loud enough for only her to hear. Somehow they were instantly lost in the moment together, their bodies responding as if there was a place to go with this burgeoning passion. Tommy’s whiskey-sting kiss burned her, her nipples hardened and her skin tingled, while his direct maleness hit her like a bomb, the scent of his warm skin, his voice humming through her, his breath blowing on her skin, and when she opened her eyes, it was his raw vulnerable expression, his intense beauty- Lena was in such pain for him, she could feel him bleeding internally, and she knew there was little to nothing she could do for him.  
“Fuck,” he breathed, pulled away now and watching her face, his eyes flickering from her lips to her eyes over and over. “I don’t know how I’m s’posed to keep doin’ this, Lena.”  
“You’re not alone, Tommy…you got me, remember?” Lena thought of him as a beleaguered youth struggling with his mother’s sickness and subsequent death, then his recovery with a fledgling career in the Marines, thwarted by the horrific experience that sent him into a full psychological break. There were parts of him trapped there, frozen in time, his psyche forever traumatized, crystallized in terror and loss. Something he could not fix on his own, something she could never truly help him with. “I will never leave you.” Her dark eyes pinned his desperate gaze down, until he held it without flinching.  
“Yeah…” He softened a little, the red rims of his aqua eyes wet with a glaze of tears. “You’re somethin’ else, y’know that?”  
“Yeah, I do.” She laughed softly. “You’re pretty fuckin’ awesome too, Conlon.”  
A toothy smile peeked out just enough to reassure her she was still getting through to him. “You go see ya doc tomorrow, babe. You look like shit.”  
Lena scoffed, looking at him incredulously. “Thanks, I love you too.”  
“Nah I’m serious…worried about ya.” Tommy kissed her again, tender and sweet.  
Next thing she knew they were hustling through the gate, towards baggage claim- in another instant Tommy was pushing her into a “family stall” near the bathroom, pinned up against the wall as he fumbled her jeans open, moaning her name into a hungry kiss. Lena helped him, her jeans fell around her ankles and Tommy maneuvered in between her thighs to fill her with his impossibly hard cock. She cried against his full mouth, and his teeth caught her tongue to kiss her and stifle her sounds of ecstasy. It didn’t matter where they were, they were alone for a brief moment and he had to have her right then and there. Lena wrapped her arms around his neck as he drove into her relentlessly-she could only hug his almost-monstrous frame to ride out the storm of his passion. The heat rising from his skin was almost smothering her, added to the friction and blazing electromagnetic rush of their bodies crashing together, and suddenly Lena understood what a comet life-cycle was like in the physical form- ice on fire as it broke through the atmosphere of the planet; and her body exploded in seemingly infinite pleasure, at one with the wide cock sliding in and out of her, and his face hot against her skin, his voice a hopeless gasping groan reverberating in her ears, echoing her own elation and release.  
“Tommy! Tommy…” She sank her teeth into his bulging left trap muscle to shut herself up, and he stifled a scream, coming hard like a neutron bomb inside her.  
“Jeezusfuck,” he gasped, pulling out of her. The zipper of his jeans was damp as he tried to zip up. Lena got dressed, dazed and smiling to herself. This was probably going to be it for a while, and she wanted the private satisfaction of it for a moment.  
Sure enough she was speeding down I-376 east to UPMC while Tommy fielded phone calls, all the while losing a little more of his composure a minute at a time. From what she could understand Paddy was critical, and Brendan was waiting for Tommy to get there so they could talk. If a decision had to be made, it was something only the two brothers could do together.  
Tommy’s last phone call ended abruptly when he threw the phone against the dashboard and shattered it into pieces. He had argued with Colt for ten minutes about a press conference for Sparta, and Tommy clearly wasn’t going to make it.  
“FUCK!” Tommy’s bellow rattled the car. After he took a deep breath he took a sideways glance towards Lena. “Sorry.”  
Lena took one hand off the wheel and placed it on his thick thigh. “Don’t apologize, baby.”  
“Don’t fuckin’ get what he doesn’t get about me not fuckin’ goin’. Shit, Lena…looks like I need a new phone. Goddammit.” Tommy stared blankly out the windshield at the “HOSPITAL- NEXT RIGHT” sign, and Lena sighed.  
“Least of your worries. Let’s just get in here and see Paddy.”  
Tommy nodded, still transfixed. “Yeah.”  
Brendan waited in the hallway. He was alone and looked wrung-out. “Thank God you guys are here…” He hugged his brother, then Lena. Tears welled in his eyes. “He’s in a coma.” Brendan put a hand to Tommy’s chest to stay him before he went into Paddy’s room. “It’s not good, Tom.”  
Tommy’s face flickered with a recognition of the warning, and he went in anyway. Brendan held Lena’s arm, shaking his head slowly. She looked askance at him, and then Tommy was bursting back out of the room. Brendan let her go so she could go to Tommy, who was trying to catch his breath. The room was spinning for him, and when she looked into his eyes she could see he had checked out.  
“He’s…” Tommy leaned his forehead against the wall, near a window that showed a turbulent stormy night sky. His throat was too choked with emotion to emit another sound.  
“They’re tryin’, Tommy…they got the bleeding to stop but…there’s swelling and fluid build-up…”  
Lena touched Brendan’s arm. Tears flowed freely down his face, and he looked at her through slits for eyes. “Is he going to make it?”  
Brendan shook his head ‘no’. Lena reached out for Tommy, but she felt a strange blackness swallow her, and she was no more.

“Where am I?” Her head hurt, and it was dark. A hospital bed?  
In sudden shock and realization, Lena sat up, and realized she was connected to an I.V.  
“What the fuck?” She looked around the empty room. Yes, she was in a bed, in a gown, and there was a bag of sodium chloride attached to the I.V. in her arm. A dim overhead light shone in the corner of the room. She didn’t even know what time it was, and the storm was still raging outside. Would it ever end?  
Lena looked around the room, along the floor, searching for shoes or socks- nothing.  
“Fuck it.” She got out of bed, feeling pretty shitty but determined nonetheless. The tile was freezing on her feet. She wrapped her blanket around her and grabbed her I.V. machine to wheel with her on the way out. Abruptly the door swung open and a nurse came in.  
“Oh my goodness, you’re awake!”  
“Yeah, what the hell is going on? Sorry, I don’t mean to sound rude, but how did I get here?”  
“You really need to get back in bed, you’re very dehydrated, Mrs. Conlon-“  
Lena blinked at the use of her new last name, but interrupted anyway. “I need to see my husband, I don’t even know what time it is-“  
“The nurse was easing her back into bed. “I will get your husband, don’t you worry. It’s around 2 in the morning-“  
“What?!”  
“And you really need to rest, let the saline bag finish, you’re in a delicate state-“  
“What do you mean, delicate state?” Lena’s mind raced- what could be wrong with her? Was she diabetic? Was it something even worse?  
The nurse smiled gently. “Mrs. Conlon, you’re 14 weeks pregnant.”


	72. Just For Now

Lena stood there in complete shock. She knew something had been strange for a while, but not now, not like this, not tonight.  
“Why don’t you sit down, Mrs.Conlon-“  
“It’s Lena, just Lena….” She sat back down on the bed, thinking it was probably a good idea. Her knees were knocking. She wanted out of the bed, out of the stupid ill-fitting gown and the fucking I.V. out of her arm too. “Where’s Tommy? I mean, my husband?”  
The nurse looked away for a moment, and Lena felt her desperate frustrated rage rising in her throat. “He’s up on the fourth floor. I will call the desk and let the nurses there know you’re awake.”  
Lena nodded, but it really wasn’t good enough. Everything inside her raged against it, and she knew she needed to be upstairs with Tommy, beside him- it was the only way she could help him. He took nothing from no one, except her, and that wasn’t always guaranteed either.  
It seemed like an eternity. Lena sat and waited for something to happen, her anxiety building second by second. Finally the door swung open and she was disappointed to see the nurse again.  
“Your husband will be down soon. OK? You need anything?”  
Lena shook her head and she knew her eyes had to be blazing daggers. “Nothing you would willingly help me with.”  
The nurse glanced at her briefly, then ducked out of the room. Lena took a page out of Tommy’s book, blurting “Fuck!” a little too loudly. She heard a nurse cough outside and she realized she might disturb patients in other room near her. It made her say “fuck” again, this time a little softer.  
At last Tommy was bursting into the room, his face a wet swollen mess. He fell on his knees and hugged her waist, weeping softly into her lap. She started to weep too, knowing it wasn’t good upstairs with Paddy, but afraid to ask.  
The nurse opened the door and peeked in. “Can I get you guys anything-“ but she was interrupted by Tommy’s arm waving her off. He wasn’t getting up.  
“Tommy…” Lena uselessly pulled on his torso. “Tommy talk to me. What is going on?”  
He wouldn’t get up, or look up. “C’mon Lena…you already know…”  
“Tommy, please.”  
Tommy’s voice huffed in a silent sob. “He’s on his way out, Lena. They’re talkin’ about moving him to hospice if he stabilizes. He’s brain dead.”  
“No,” she whispered. Her hands were absently caressing his head, smoothing his hair, trying to comfort him. “No.”  
“Oh yes…he’s leaving me too…” Tommy’s shoulders shook and she felt the hot waves of tears on her thighs through the flimsy fabric of her shitty gown. What could she say now that would ever comfort him, give him any kind of peace? Her own tears fell and she felt as if she were in some kind of emotional nightmare.   
“Tommy, please come up here my love,” she whispered, her voice loud enough for only him to hear. Finally he rose up and tried to focus his bloodshot bleary eyes on her-everything was a kaleidoscope through tears in his vision. Somehow he managed a weak smile, and she could see her Tommy there.  
“You have something you wanna tell me, doll?”  
“Yes. You already know.”  
“I wanna hear you say it.” His face was suddenly expressionless and Lena felt the ice cavern of his lonely broken soul in that moment. Her heart wrenched so terribly, but she did as he requested.  
“I’m a little over three months pregnant.” As she said it, the statement began to actually dawn on her. Her heart raced, nervous and excited, and her emotions surged- guilt and despair twined in her bosom.  
Tommy looked at her and his face registered not a thing. The cold mask was on.  
“So much for y’pills, huh?”  
Lena didn’t know what to say. She almost felt ashamed, and then she felt ashamed for feeling ashamed. “Yeah.”  
Tommy nodded. “It’s everything I ever dreamed with you. You’re the only thing holdin’ me together…now there’s two of ya.” He touched her abdomen, looking up at her with cold grey rooms for eyes.  
Lena didn’t know what to say for a moment. Her heart burst, her head throbbed, her soul cried for his. “Never leave you alone, Tommy.”  
His head dropped back into her lap and he was stifling sobs again. The longest night had only just begun.


	73. Last Exit

Around 6AM an ambulance came to take Paddy to a hospice center ten minutes away from the hospital. By that time everyone had gathered together in a distressed weeping group. Rita, Senna, Cal, Tess, and Brendan were in the hallway discussing who was driving with whom. Lena and Tommy came down the hallway from the elevator-she had finally been released from her room that had been more like a prison cell. Everyone stopped and stared at them, seemingly a little flabbergasted.  
“Bad timing but congrats to you guys,” Brendan tried. His eyes were almost swollen shut from the all night sleepless weeping. Lena looked at Cal, her mom, Rita…she was at a loss. With everything that was going on, she had no words.  
“We’re gonna have a real ceremony soon-“she began, but Senna cut her off.  
“Don’t bother with all that shit now. Are you OK?” Senna clutched Lena’s upper arms, looking at her concernedly.  
“Yeah Mom, I’m fine. Where they takin’ Paddy?”  
“Family Hospice. It’s not far from here…” Brendan drifted off, looking towards the room that his father had been in just fifteen minutes before. Tess clutched his arm tightly, pulled him down for a brief kiss. “We’re heading down there now.”  
“OK.” Tommy finally spoke. “Let’s go.”  
Tommy drove Lena’s car as gingerly as he could, with Lena and Senna in the back seat and Rita in the front. Brendan and Tess were riding with Cal, who was leading Tommy down to the hospice center. Lena could tell her mom wanted to question her, her eyes pleaded silently, asking why. After a while Lena had to avert her gaze, it was too much to bear, not with all the other emotions she was trying to weather- guilt was the cream on the cake. Rita was quiet, still in numb dull shock, and Tommy was trying to handle one thing at a time- driving was all he could deal with at the moment.  
After what seemed like a lifetime, the family arrived at their destination. Once inside the building, an advocate and a nurse were ready with comforting words and a readiness to answer questions- they provided a mini-tour of the facility, as it was going to be everyone’s home for the duration. Tommy was crawling out of his skin, getting more and more nervous as every moment passed. Lena had his hand, cold and sweaty in her own. She needed to pacify him somehow but wasn’t sure how to accomplish it.  
“Look…” Tommy’s voice was dry and tight. He interrupted the mini-tour without prejudice, right in the middle of the nurse’s sentence. “I just need ta know where my pop’s gonna be. That’s it, I don’t need to know anythin’ else.”  
The advocate took it all in stride, quickly switching gears and taking them down a corridor to a series of rooms. They were being led towards the back of the facility, and Lena had noticed rooms closer to the family areas, maybe for people who were in recovery…she knew with grim certainty this really meant Paddy was never coming home again. She felt a heavy deep sob catching in her throat, and she choked on it with a quiet moan-only Tommy heard her. He gripped her hand tighter and cast his eyes sideways, and she could see the tears there, gathering in his already swollen eyes. She fought hard as she could to keep her composure. The worst part was yet to come, and the blackness was deep and dark in Tommy’s soul…she had a creeping fear that she was going to be pregnant and alone.  
Lena sat in the common area with Tess, Rita, and Senna. The women talked in muted tones as Tommy and Brendan talked to the staff while they prepped Paddy in his room. The women were nerve-wracked, faced with a finality no one wanted to cope with. Senna held her daughter’s hand tightly, locking eyes with her from time to time, as if she was unsure Lena was really there, pregnant and married, just as she had begged God not to happen.  
“Tommy. Tommy, gimme that knife!” Brendan’s dirty hand reached out for Tommy’s smaller one that was clutching a rusty blade he had found near Paddy’s car. It was a cold October morning. Brendan was trying to get Tommy to the bus stop, they were running late.  
“Naw Bren, I found it. Mine, fair n’ square.” Tommy stuffed it in his jacket and started heading off alone.  
“You can’t take that to school, Tommy, you’ll get expelled!”  
Tommy shrugged his little 10 year old shoulders. Things were getting worse at home, and Brendan knew there was no good that could come out of this. The night before was another violent episode-Paddy hadn’t been home since the night before, and Molly was still locked in her room with an icepack. It had to be pretty bad, the boys knew- she wouldn’t open her door to them no matter how they pleaded or threatened to break down the door.  
Tess caught up to them as they approached the bus stop. She was adorable, blond curls and bubble gum lip gloss, wearing Brendan’s bomber jacket that had been passed down to him from Paddy. Tommy regarded Tess with mild disgust.  
“Y’should burn that stupid jacket.”  
“No way Tommy! You stupid?” Tess was kidding around, but Brendan put his hand on her shoulder, shaking his head as a warning. Tommy kept walking a few paces ahead of them, head down and not saying a word.  
“Why didn’t you call me last night?” Tess looked askance at Brendan, who looked at her pointedly.  
“C’mon Tess…you know why.”  
She shook her head slightly. “Is she OK?”  
Brendan shrugged. “Won’t let us see her.”  
Tess gripped his shoulder to pull him back a little. The bus stop was close and she spoke in a quiet voice. “Maybe we should skip school. We can go by your house. She won’t be expecting us. Maybe she needs help.”  
Brendan shook his head ‘no’. “Tommy found a knife outside the house. I’m worried he might…use it.”  
“At school?”  
“I dunno…I gotta watch him. He’s really upset. Won’t talk to me.”  
Tess sighed exasperatedly. She was only 14 but had the mind of someone much older. “Damn. Well….what should we do?”  
“I don’t know…”Brendan had his arm around her shoulders and looked at Tommy with trepidation. He had Tess, but Tommy had no one…except Brendan. “I can’t leave him.”  
Tess rested her head on his shoulder and sighed. “OK. But if you change your mind, lemme know.”  
Later. The lunch bell rang. Brendan went in search of Tommy but came up empty. He found Tess waiting by his locker when he went to stuff his sweaty football clothes in it. She looked worried.  
“What’s up?”  
“Tommy’s not in school.”  
Brendan slammed his locker shut. “What do you mean?”  
“His teacher came up to me in the hall and asked if he was out sick today.”  
A cold chill ran down Brendan’s spine. “We gotta go.” He grabbed Tess’ hand and charged out of the halls, out onto the field and over the fence. He wanted to run as fast as he could towards the house, but he didn’t want to drag Tess through the streets either-she was struggling to keep up with him as he speed- walked towards their neighborhood.  
“Where do you think he is?”  
“Maybe home, maybe…” Brendan didn’t want to say, maybe he was home, maybe waiting for Pop with that rusty knife.  
The townhouse was still and quiet. Paddy’s car was gone. Now Brendan really started to worry. Tess could see the manic desperation in his eyes.  
“Check on your Ma?”  
Brendan nodded, but didn’t move. Tess took his hand, pulling at him, and they ascended the front steps together, Brendan fumbling for the key in his pocket. The house was quiet inside too, dim and silent. They took the stairs to see if Molly had come out from hiding. No sign of anyone.  
“Hey…” Tess winked and sidled up to Brendan, smiling slyly. “Maybe we could, you know…”  
“Wait-“ Brendan went into the bathroom, and to his horror he found a partially broken molar tooth on the counter, fresh blood spattered in the adjacent sink. “Jesus Christ…”  
“Oh my God, Bren! Is it…your Ma’s?”  
Again Brendan shrugged, holding it up and staring. “Dunno. Probably.”  
“She has to get away from him!”  
“I know…she’s tried. He hurt her pretty bad. She’s scared he’ll do the same to us.” Brendan set the tooth back down on the counter. He knew his mom wouldn’t have just left that around for her sons to find. Something wasn’t right about all of this.  
“My mom can help her, she knows some people that could help-“  
“Shh!” Brendan heard yelling coming from up the street, and he thought he recognized the voices. He raced into his room and looked out the window, and saw Paddy dragging Tommy up the street by the back of his coat. Paddy was limping pretty bad, and Brendan could see the one leg of his work pants stained dark and wet.  
“…gonna fuckin kill ya, comin up to my work to fuck with me…”  
Paddy dragged Tommy into the house and threw him down on the floor. He unbuckled his belt and started beating on Tommy with the buckle side, when Brendan practically jumped down the stairs and landed next to his brother.  
“You stop it, Pop, you stop it right now!” Brendan maneuvered himself in between his brother and father, his arms outstretched to halt the beating. Tommy was laying on the floor, rolling in pain but forcing himself not to cry.  
“Another fuckin’ truant? Did you know your brother here came to my job to kill me?”  
“I wasn’t tryin’ to kill you! I want you to stop hurtin’ Ma!” Tommy started to get up from the floor, his nose bleeding freely and his lip cut, and Paddy swung his belt again, making Tommy duck down while Brendan jumped on top of his brother to shield him. A loud *thwack* and now the back of Brendan’s head was bleeding. “Bren I swear I didn’t mean to stab him-“  
“Stop stop!” Tess was running down the stairs, screaming. Paddy stopped dead in his tracks. He had never hit his wife or kids in front of anyone, he didn’t want people to see what a monster he could be.  
“No school today?” Paddy stood in shock, the belt swinging limply in his hand. Tess ran to Brendan and Tommy, her face a mask of terror.  
“You son of a bitch! Do you see what you’re doing?” Tess’ shrill voice rang out in the living room. Paddy looked confused and started staggering backwards.  
“Tommy…he, he stabbed me.”  
“You deserve worse!” Tess was starting to scream, holding Tommy’s nose in one hand and Brendan’s head in the other.  
“Tess…he fought me for the knife…it was an accident-“  
“Don’t worry about that now, Tommy.”  
At that moment Molly opened the front door and walked in. She looked all around, her eyes as wide as two black eyes would allow.  
“What’s goin’ on?” Her mouth was stuffed with cotton on one side.  
“Ma,” Tommy said out loud in relief. He ran to her and threw his arms around her. “It was an accident, Ma…”  
“What the hell is going on?” Molly’s voice was getting loud, even through the cotton. Paddy stood still in the middle of the living room, even as blood from the apparent injury dribbled down over his work boot and puddled on the wood parquet floor.  
“Pop needs to go to the hospital,” Brendan said. “I’ll tell you on the way.”  
“Tell me now!” Molly shrieked. Brendan walked up to her and put the tooth he had found in the bathroom in her hand. She looked away from him as her cheeks flushed with shame.  
“Ma, Pop is about to pass out-“  
“Oh shut up Brendan, I’m fine-“ Paddy was starting to wave like a flag. Molly regarded him for a moment, then looked hard at Tommy.  
“You stabbed your father?” Molly’s slitty swollen eyes shone with tears unshed.  
“I went up to the mill. Told him to keep his dirty fuckin’ hands off ya.” Tommy held his own nose now, but he couldn’t control the blood flowing from his split lip.  
“Watch y’fuckin’ mouth!” Paddy lunged at Tommy like a drunken bear. Brendan grabbed him by the shoulders and pushed him as hard as he could.  
“No more, Pop.”  
Molly opened the front door. “Get in the car, Paddy. We’re goin’ to Mercy.”  
“Fuck all of ya. I can fix it myself.” But Paddy made his way to the door anyway, almost fell down the stairs to get to the car.  
“I don’t wanna hear anything from you boys. You should have been in school-“  
“C’mon Ma, don’t give me that.” Brendan shook his head. Warm blood ran down his neck and gave him a chill. “You take that bastard to the hospital. I can’t take Tommy back to school the way he is. You should probably call to tell ‘em there was a family thing. I don’t wanna get in trouble.”  
Molly looked at her son and knew she couldn’t argue. She held her hand out to Tommy, who approached her and buried his face in her dress, his shoulders shaking with silent sobs.  
“You gonna be OK, sweetheart? I’ll be right back I promise.”  
“He’ll be fine, Ma. I’ll fix him up.” Brendan’s ice blue eyes stared hard at her. Molly nodded and let go of Tommy, who stood at the door and watched her leave with Paddy to the hospital.  
“We gotta get outta here,” Tommy muttered.  
“Where we gonna go, Tommy?” Brendan approached his brother still standing in the doorway, and put his arm around his shoulders. Tommy looked up at him and Brendan watched his eyes turn from blue to grey in the overcast sunlight.  
“I dunno…anywhere is better than here.”


	74. Parabola

Brendan regarded his brother silently now; they were sitting in their father’s darkened room, the soft rising and falling of Paddy’s breath the only audible sound. “He always loved you best, Tom.”  
Tears like cold syrup clung to Tommy’s cheek and chin. His expression remained still and inscrutable.   
“Don’t say that, Brendan.” Tommy’s rough half-whisper carried enough threat that Brendan knew not to push it.  
“Didn’t mean it in a bad way…” Brendan tried to smile. “You took the best care of him-“  
“Yeah, him and Ma.” Tommy stared forward, sniffed hard, his eyes focused past Paddy’s bed and beyond the walls of the room.  
Brendan bit his tongue. He knew it wasn’t fair, but he also knew Tommy was right. Now was not the time or place for a fight. When would it be time to let it all rest? Brendan struggled with words, and decided to just let it be. He would always be the older brother- even though he had missed out on a lot, he knew cooler heads must prevail, and he still felt protective over Tommy, no matter what had passed between them.   
Tommy coughed as tears filled his eyes again. He patted Brendan’s knee once and stood up, muttering Lena’s name.  
In the lobby, Senna and Rita huddled together, and while Lena was beside them, she was idly flipping through a magazine, her face a mask of tension. Suddenly Tommy was in front of her, his face desperate and pleading, something only she could see. He held his hand out to her and she was on her feet, following him as he briskly walked out to the back of the building- a large courtyard stretched before them, darkened with the overhead clouds that had ceased pouring rain, but still carried the threat for more.   
Tommy didn’t stop until he was around the side of the building, to a spot where there were no windows or doors, just wall and sopping wet grass. He had her up against the wall in an instant and melted into her arms, silently sobbing into her neck and hair, showering her with hot tears.  
“Oh Tommy,”she whispered, her own grief clutching at her throat tightly. Her hands caressed him and her arms held him tight - Tommy just needed her there, needed to be alone with her. She was the only one he could let it out to. She was his home port, his place where he could dock his lonely raft of anger and pain. He was so tired, tired of feeling alone, tired of trying to stay strong and in control.  
“What am I gonna do, what am I gonna do without ‘im, Lena…” His voice was choked with tears, Lena barely understood his words. She knew that pain- even though two of her loved ones were still alive, she often felt a part of her had died. No communication with her brother or father had left an unimaginable hole inside her that whistled loneliness through her soul. Still she couldn’t imagine the loss Tommy had suffered all his life, and right now she had to help carry him through this one.  
“If I didn’t have you, I’d…” Tommy fought back for his voice, and he sounded so angry Lena pulled back to look at him.  
“You do have me. And we are gonna get through this Tommy. Just don’t let go of me.” She looked at his wet slitty eyes and scowling mouth. Forever angry.  
“I won’t.” He shook his head and kissed her. “I can’t.”   
Time slowed as they held each other there, unaware and uncaring of their surroundings. The quiet time they needed was stolen and immediate, necessary for their souls to meet and touch, to transfer unspoken words and much needed love. Lena wrapped Tommy up with unseen bandages, and iced his broken heart so he could get back into the ring- Paddy’s room, where his father would slowly loosen from the mortal coil, and all anyone could do was helplessly watch.  
Six days. Six days isn’t much. Time can pass so quickly in a week, it rushes over in a bright and furtive blur, sweeps over and through everything, until it all washes down the drain in an overwhelming roar. A week is nothing. Unless you are waiting for something, unable to escape it, powerless and obsessed with every second as it ticks by. Slow building tension wears down even the strongest on a deathwatch. When the moment finally comes you may find yourself shocked at how strong the desire to live can remain in a single spirit, how easily it can all be taken away, and how precious it all is.  
Six days.  
Tommy drew the sheet over Paddy’s face. Brendan had run into the hall to get the nurse and uncontrollably threw up. Lena was at the doctor, something Tommy had forced her to do- her health was not holding up to the strain of hospice. Senna and Rita cried silently on the couch in Paddy’s room, but Tommy wasn’t aware of anyone at that moment. The roar of his father’s voice was in his ears, first cursing drunkenly, then yelling like a drill sergeant during training. He stared down at the white sheet, still as a statue, waiting for the sheet to billow with one more breath, but he knew Paddy wasn’t there anymore. Tommy had felt the moment he died in his gut, a cutting and pulling pain, and the chill ran down his spine with his father’s last breath.  
There was a small commotion in the hallway and a nurse came into the room, Brendan behind her with a towel to his mouth and blurry bloodshot eyes. Another nurse came in and they did the necessary checks, then called Paddy’s time of death. Brendan helplessly wept into the towel, but Tommy stood off to the side alone, no display of emotion. His military training was still a very strong part of him, and he was outwardly unmoved. One of the nurses gave him a knowing look, but Tommy didn’t see her. He only saw the sheet there, falling away from his father’s body as the nurses worked.  
Lena was walking out of the doctor’s office, and she looked at her phone. One message from Tommy was all she had missed, but it was the most important one. She hurried back to the hospital-she was across town, and even though she knew there was no point in driving like a madwoman except putting herself and the child at risk, but she couldn’t help it.  
The waiting area had already seen plenty of visitors for the Conlon family, some came to pay their respects to Paddy, some to visit the grieving family, most did both. But when Lena was barging in to rush to the room she was taken aback by the large group of people choking the waiting area. Butch and Vince were there, J from the VFW, a few older men who were obviously vets, people from Paddy’s AA meetings, old co-workers…she couldn’t speak as she choked on her tears, rushing to the room. The staff had already taken Paddy’s body away. Brendan and Tess were in each other’s arms, Senna and Rita were nowhere to be found. Tommy was half-sitting on the sill of the room’s sole bay window, staring outside at absolutely nothing. Lena slowly approached him, placed her hands on his shoulders, making him jump.  
“Hey,” he whispered, his expression still stony but his eyes slowly softening as he regarded her. “What the doc say?”  
Lena didn’t try to stop the tears that streamed down her cheeks. “Um, she said I was dehydrated, and I have a glucose test next week to check my blood sugar, and I need to relax-“ She choked on a sob, cupping his cheek in her hand. “It’s all gonna be fine Tommy…I am so sorry I wasn’t here-“  
“Listen to me,” he said, speaking softly and slowly in his gravelly voice. “He was trapped in there, in that body. It’s prolly a relief to finally be free. You didn’t hafta be here for that. And if the doc says you need to relax then that’s what ya gonna do. I want you to go home. Bren and I got some shit we need to work out here. Cal was already here, he picked up ya mom and Rita.” Tommy stood up and enfolded her in his arms as she wept softly. She couldn’t figure out if it was the grief making her uncontrollably cry, or her nerves finally letting go, or both. “You go home, take a bath, eat somethin’. Don’t worry about this anymore- it’s over. He passed through the eye of a needle and now he’s free.”  
Tommy pulled back to look at her and fresh hot tears were coursing down his statue-like face. The full light of day was streaming into the room now, it was high noon and sunny. Tommy’s eyes glowed with all the colors inside them at that moment- green, gray, blue, a little gold. Lena stared, transfixed.  
“I love you so much, Lena. You have no idea.” Tommy shook his head, his expression intensifying, melting away enough for her to see the orphaned twelve-year-old inside, where his control was melting, bubbling, liquefacting. “But you gotta go. You’ve done enough, baby. I gotta take care of both yas.” His wide palm caressed her belly, still flat and tight…for now.  
“But, Tommy…I-“  
“No.” He shook his head again, the authority in his eyes as solid as his firm body in her arms- he was like an immense jagged rock. She would do herself no good to beat herself against him. Useless.  
“OK, Tommy. You win.” She kissed him suddenly, catching him off guard, but only for the moment. His return kiss was a sweet burn on her lips. “Oh I love you, Tommy,” she whispered, her words caught in their kiss. He pulled back to look at her, and she could see the fighter there in him too, the steel resolve that planted his feet to the mat. Unbreakable.  
“That’s right, doll. I win.” He almost smiled. “I like it when you say that. Go home. I’ll be there later, promise.”  
Lena hugged Brendan, who squeezed her almost too tightly. “I’ll see ya, Lena. Tess is goin’ with ya, that alright?” His eyes were so swollen he looked like he had punched out. Lena’s heart broke all over again.  
“Yeah, of course!” Lena looked away as Tess and Brendan said their goodbyes, and she caught Tommy watching her longingly. “I love you,” she mouthed, and he nodded once, as if to say ‘ditto’. His sorrowful wet eyes haunted her all the way home.


	75. Every Breaking Wave

Sparta was coming. The tension in the air was palpable. Lena was practically killing herself at the restaurant- Vince was making her pay for her mini-vacation. Every day she was at work, Tommy was moving stuff into her apartment. There was no way he could stay at Paddy’s old townhome- way too many memories still so fresh in his mind. Tommy hired a couple guys from the gym to come down and help him box stuff up, so he could send it on to the VFW. There was always a need for clothes and shoes there, Tommy knew well.  
Paddy had requested a memoriam held at the house, nothing big since he wanted to be cremated and released into the Monongahela river. It was to be the last time that anyone would see the Conlon family in that shelter of desperation, abuse, and privation. After that Brendan and Tommy wanted to shutter it up, to block out the pain once and for all and forever. Of course every able-bodied person who had ever known Paddy was there; plenty of old Irish songs were sung, lots of tears, and gifts of sentimental value that were left for Brendan and Tommy were set aside on a coffee table in the living room- pictures of Paddy and his unit in Vietnam, pictures of Paddy and Molly’s wedding…Tommy could barely look, but Brendan flipped through everything after everyone had finally left, with tears streaming down his face.   
“Hey, Tom…look at this.” Brendan held out a small, weathered, glass-topped wooden case with the American flag wrapped in it. Tommy looked away, not wanting to handle it- he instantly recognized it. Not to mention there was the one the VFW gave to the brothers in honor of Paddy.  
“There’s an inscription…’Sean McMurphy, Sergeant. Born 3/22/48, K.I.A. 7/15/68. Recovered by Corporal Patrick Conlon. Never forget.’ What do you make of that Tommy?”  
Tommy shrugged, his back to his brother. “Dunno. Sounds like he carried someone out of battle.” Tears welled in Tommy’s eyes and he fought against them.  
“Wow. Guess you and Pop had a lot in common.” Brendan set the case back down. “You take all that stuff, Tom.”  
“Fuck am I gonna do with it.” Tommy drifted over to the pictures on the wall, staring at his mother’s visage. Finally he turned around to look at Brendan. The tears fell, and Tommy didn’t care anymore. “I want all the pictures of Ma. I know you got some already…just want what’s mine.”  
Brendan nodded, unsure of Tommy’s reaction to anything at the moment. “Yeah, sure Tom. You can take it all-“  
“Didn’t say I wanted it all, Bren.” The angry rasp was back. “Just the ones of Ma.”  
Later, Brendan watched his brother pack up everything on the table anyway, along with everything on the walls. He handed Brendan the framed newspaper cut-outs that followed Brendan’s smoker fights, Sparta, his wife and kids.  
“You done? I’m ready to get outta here.” Tommy took his box and walked out.  
Brendan and Tommy did as he had requested in his will. Anything of monetary value was to be split between the brothers. Brendan had a friend in Philly that had listed the townhome and at the asking price it probably wasn’t going to last long. Brendan had tussled with the idea of keeping it, but after Tommy was done with him he quickly decided to sell.  
“Why? Why should we hang onto it, Brendan? Do you remember what happened in there? Cuz I do…I do, and I can’t even think about bringin’ my kid in there. Not ever.”  
Brendan thought about it, and as he walked through the townhome, looked at the bare walls patched and drywalled here and there where he, or Tommy, or Molly, had been thrown in drunken rages by Paddy; the wood parquet floor that was underneath the carpet in the living room that Brendan knew was still stained with blood…he knew what he had to do.  
“Yeah, Tom. You’re right. We should just let it go.”

Cal was busy training under Colt- he was going to corner fighters, he had made his career decision. Colt happily took him under his wing, if only to have someone he could entrust his secrets to. Colt had no children, he had always been too busy to start a family. Cal was as close as he would ever get.  
After everything had gone terribly wrong, Rita was staying with Senna, so much so she was considering moving in. Cal was never home, he was always working. Rita’s loneliness was like a deathtrap for her, she was lost without Paddy- she had never realized how much she loved him until he was gone. It was something she had never faced, never dealt with. She had fought against it at every turn, but without him now, she felt the harrowing loss. Senna was welcome to it, as her daughter was trying to finish school, run a business, and try to stay as healthy as possible in the meantime. Senna felt left behind by everyone.  
Tommy was a breath away from Sparta. He ate and he slept and he trained, and his body was in its prime. He was assured and aware. Never had he felt unsure when he stepped onto the mat, and this time it wouldn’t be any different. At night he would hold Lena, absently caress her belly, thinking of the life that grew within, and how he would never let that child down. He had to win this. It was his last shot and he knew it. It hurt him to see Lena working so hard, but he knew there was no choice for now. She was the co-owner of a restaurant that was doing very well despite the economy, and she was about to graduate college. Her time was coming soon, when she could relax and raise her child, and that was Tommy’s goal. He wanted her to never have to worry again. At least about some things.


	76. Indestructible

Lena was trying to tie things up at work. She and Tommy were leaving in the morning for Vegas…the tournament started in less than two days. Vince was unbearable, stressed she was leaving again, and he was currently throwing a fit in the kitchen at Butch for a wine order that came in wrong.  
“I toldja to order the grappa from Vicenza, not that crap from Kentucky! What the fuck, Butch?!?” Vince’s voice was loud and deep pissed off New Yorkese. Butch was standing on the other side of the prep table, looking like a deer caught in the headlights.  
“Boss, I ordered what you tole me…I swear I did.”  
“Well ya shoulda checked it, when it came in you shoulda checked it, just like I fuckin' taught you to do! What the fuck am I gonna do with this shit?”

“Uhh…I don’t know Boss…”  
“Nothin’, that’s what I’m gonna do with it!”Vince kicked over a wooden box and 12 bottles of crappy grappa crashed onto the floor.  
Lena’s heels clicked as she came into the kitchen in full stride. Butch saw her standing behind Vince and gave her a ‘can ya help me out here?’ look.  
“Uncle V.” She said it softly but it sounded more authoritarian than she had intended. Vince slowly turned around to look at her, his face a mask of irritation. “I uh, need to see you. In the office. When you are through, I mean. Ahem.” Lena quickly skittered to the office- she could see the look in Vince’s eyes, and he was none too pleased that she had interrupted the ass chewing he had been giving Butch.  
Lena was entering several invoices into the sales-to-purchase program she had devised and installed-"some more black magic computer bullshit” that Vince wouldn’t even try to learn. Vince walked in, red-faced and perspiring.  
“So, kid, you gonna leave me again? Feels like ya just got back here for Chrissakes.” He plopped in the big office chair on the other side of the desk and put his head in his hands. “Y’know I think when you get back I’m goin’ on vacation. Since ya gonna take maternity leave I gotta do it before then.”  
Lena sighed heavily. “I know Uncle Vince…I’m sorry. Everything has been so crazy.”  
“Don’t apologize…ah shit. I really been acting like an asshole lately. I’m the one who should be sorry.” He looked up at Lena, his face a mask of exasperation. “Me and Sarah been fightin’ again. She packed her shit and went to her sister’s in Scranton. Fuck it, you know what? She and I are never gonna agree. Money is the dirtiest thing in the world, Lena. Gets in between people, puts the strongest relationships to the test. I’m just so tired of fightin’.”  
“Do you want me to stay behind, Unc? You know I will. I didn’t know Sarah left you-“  
“It’s temporary…she does this every now and then. See, she wants to sell the house and move back out to New York. I don’t wanna do that. I know you can run the business but I ain’t ready to let it go. And to be honest I don’t know if I ever will. I love my bar, you know that.”  
Lena felt alarmed and she knew it showed. “Uh, yeah, that’s a little too much to even contemplate. I could never do this without you! This is YOUR place, Unc.”  
“Yeah yeah, well eventually I may retire. But not for a long, long time. So…you go to Vegas, watch your crazy Irish kill all those sorry muthafuckas. Then when you get back I’m goin’ up to Scranton. I ain’t about to let her walk out on me. She just needs some time to cool off.”  
“OK Boss. Thank you.” Lena stood up to file the invoices in the cabinet behind her, and then she walked over to half-hug her uncle. “I love ya. I will make all of it up to you.”  
“It’s all good, Lena. Just do me a favor? Don’t get too excited. Take it easy, take care of yourself. OK?”  
“I will Boss. Thanks. I’ll see ya in four days.” Lena grabbed her purse and water bottle to head out the door, when she paused in the doorway and looked back at Vince. “Boss… can you do me a favor too?”  
“What now, little girl?”  
She jerked her head towards the kitchen. “You put big man in tears over there. Can you please be nice to him?”  
Vince squeezed his eyes shut. “Awww shit.” He stood up and walked past her. “Butch? Hey, Butch…I’m sorry man.”  
Lena waved at Butch as she passed him, feeling sorry for him as she looked at his tear-stained face. He was a big guy with an even bigger heart.  
“Hey…Lena! The fuck you goin’?” Butch grabbed her in his arms and hugged her, whispering ‘thank you’ in her ear. When he let her go he was all smiles. “See ya in a couple days, jerk.”  
“Yup, ain’t rid of me yet.” Lena waved them goodbye and headed out back to her little red hatchback.  
‘Gonna need a new ride soon,’ she thought, looking around the tight backseat quarters. Her life was going to change even more than it already had and she knew she needed to start thinking about things in a radically new way.  
After three hours at home alone, Lena had finally packed for Sparta, just twelve hours before the flight left. Tommy, in typical military fashion, was packed and ready at least two days prior, his bags packed and sitting by the front door. He wasn’t home much, spending hours at Colt’s with Brendan, sparring and training. He was wound tight like an E string on a violin, anticipation oozing out of his pores. Cal and Colt were already in Vegas with Matt Biggs, the other fighter Colt was cornering, while training Cal at the same time. Tommy and Brendan decided they were flying out Thursday, arriving just a few hours before the Sparta red carpet arrivals and subsequent press meet.  
“Fuck cares about all that,” Tommy huffed as he punched Brendan's handpads relentlessly, then spun a kick into one of his shin pads.  
“Ya gotta try and make it look good this time, Tom.” Brendan sliced a pad in the air above Tommy's head, who ducked and then returned punches on the pads, Brendan's soft voice saying, “One two, one two, one two...Faster!” with Tommy happily obliging.  
“I gotta take these guys down, that's it.” Tommy surprised Brendan by delivering a flying kick to one of his pads.  
“Nice,” Brendan said, his eyes wide under the padded faceguard he was wearing. “You could get some endorsement deals-”  
“Yeah, yeah,” Tommy huffed. Every move Brendan made Tommy anticipated. As Lena once remarked after watching him spar- “Spiders are sensitive to air flow and the quietest of movements. So are you.”  
Tommy had a sixth sense in the octagon. He was not the most patient, and his lack of showmanship was apparent. But he was deadly accurate, aggressive and consistently striking, zeroed in for the kill. For Tommy, it was all windows, cues to his opponent's missteps that became windows of opportunity, windows to punch through and knock the other guy out. He wasn't interested in the actual fight itself- his surety went beyond confidence or ego. And it was really unfair that the Marines had given him such a hefty leg up on the competition. Tommy was wrestling and boxing as soon as he could stand, fighting at school, in the street. Fighting in Iraq was no different- while Tommy was an excellent marksman, he was unequaled in hand-to-hand combat. He took down every trainer his commanding officer could throw at him. He and his platoon were recruited to train with a Krav Maga specialist, who also integrated Muay Thai and jujitsu in the training. PFC Jones was a red belt in Shotokan karate, and as a result the training sessions were entertaining at best. Tommy came to appreciate the different fighting styles as he was exposed to more and more new things. He could spar and box, clinch and wrestle, attack and assail, and he could inflict one of the worst weapons of all- fear. His sparring partners and eventually the trainers themselves had a healthy respect for him, and an edge of uncertain fear of him as well. He was unafraid and unflinching, and his will was mighty, a devastating combination to his opponent. Tommy 'knew' things before they would happen. His 'knowing' transcended everything else in the octagon. It was the only thing that no one could take from him, that could not be bought or sold, that he had always relied on to get him through every single roadblock he had ever encountered in his lifetime thus far. He was relentless, fearless and unstoppable, and his instincts were as natural and ancient as the Universe itself.  
Now as Lena silently slipped into the gym and stood off to the side, half-hidden in shadow, she witnessed the thundering force of his power and might. Maybe she just loved him that much, not to mention she was more than a little in awe of him and very enamored as well, but she could feel the Earth shake as he knocked Brendan around-punch punch punch, kick punch punch. Brendan had been throwing some jiujitsu at him, trying to get him to spar, to defend himself against going to the mat. Tommy knew how to do all of it, however even he had to admit he needed some work- his groundwork skills had gotten a little rusty.  
Tommy swung wrong and nailed Brendan in the nose. Thankfully the pads absorbed most of the punch, but Brendan still staggered back and fell against the ropes. Tommy immediately pulled him back up with a gloved hand.  
“'Ey Bren, you OK?”  
“Yeah, yeah...I'm cool.”  
“Well that's not nice,” Lena called out, stepping into Tommy's view, a smirk playing on her lips. The brothers turned towards her, grinning.  
“Been trying to kill him for a long time.” Tommy tapped Brendan's facepad. “He's getting smarter.”  
Lena wasn't the only one to laugh- other people in the gym had been watching the brothers in the ring. Lena approached the ring, leaned on the mat outside the ropes. Her upward view of Tommy's sweat-soaked, flexing body was breathtaking as he moved towards her.  
“Whddya doin', babe?” Tommy couldn't hide a smile behind his mouthguard.  
“Nothin' really, finally done packing. I loaded up the car-”  
“I tole ya to wait for me!” Tommy was not happy.  
“Oh hush. I'm pregnant, not crippled. Are you ready for the flight?”  
Tommy smiled again, wider this time. “Shit doll, I was born ready.”  
Lena grinned with a little giggle. His sweat dripping off his skin made a loud pattering sound as it fell to the mat beside her.  
“I can see that,” she said softly with a wink. “OK. I don't wanna hold you up, just wanted to come by to see you.”  
“Yeah...you haven't been up here at all, Lena.” Brendan approached the ropes. His nose was starting to swell up. “Thanks for not distracting him.”  
Tommy gave him a nasty, incredulous look. “Shaddap Bren, she doesn't distract me.” He nodded towards Lena. “She grounds me.” And he lightly tapped Brendan's stomach with his fist.  
“Ooof. Whatever you say, man. Lena's way more laid-back than Tess, I can vouch for that.”  
“Yeah, well...Tess didn't wanna see ya hurt. But see...Lena knows. I'm the one that hurts others.” Tommy winked at Brendan, who flushed as red as the gear he was wearing.  
“Not nice, Tom.” Brendan swung at his face with the pads, and Tommy quickly ducked, straightening only to attack. He knocked Brendan on his ass with a leg sweep, and it was then Brendan had decided he had had enough.  
“OK, OK.” Brendan took the pads and faceguard off and threw them to the mat. “I give up. We'll start again when we get to Vegas, OK?”  
Tommy nodded and pulled Brendan to his feet. “You the boss.”  
Lena looked at Tommy, her eyes glazed with love and her smarmy smile evident.  
"You really are somethin', Conlon."  
Brendan was climbing through the ropes and out of the ring to stuff his pads in his gear bag. Tommy looked away from it and smiled at Lena again, his black mouthguard obscuring his teeth.  
"Yeah?" He removed the guard and starting unwrapping his hands. "And you like it, lookatcha." He threw one damp handwrap at her as he worked the other off.  
"Tommy." Brendan sidled up next to Lena to give her a kiss hello. "You two get some sleep tonight. Be at the house at 3:30 AM sharp, got it?"  
Tommy nodded his assent while Brendan winked at her. Tommy was through the ropes and hopping down to his bare feet on the mat Lena and Brendan were standing on.  
"See ya, Bren." He tapped fists with Brendan, who turned away with a little smile to head for the door.  
Tommy regarded Lena for a moment, his expression blank. His hair was pasted to his scalp, his face and chest still warm and ruddy from exertion. Lena couldn't hide her intense arousal, noticing every ripple of muscle, every vein that stood out on his arms and his neck, along with the ones that rose up on his taut abdominal wall and led downwards like superhighways to his sex.  
Lena realized she was staring. She looked up into Tommy's eyes again, where grey was giving way to blue-green. A little smile crept across his face.  
"So, uh...we gonna go home? I smell raw."  
Lena laughed, reaching out to touch his wet face. Tommy never flinched from her touch-her fingertips fluttered over his cheek, grazed along his jaw, to end on his full pink lips. Lena licked hers in anticipation.  
"I like the way you smell," she whispered huskily. He smelled like pine needles and hot sweat, a scent she was very familiar with. It made her hot all over as she stared at his body, and his breath made warm breezes across her skin as his respirations picked up speed.  
"Hmm..." He never broke his stare-it only intensified as his eyes glowered at her with want. The heat was engulfing her, making it hard to see straight. "We need to take you home."  
Lena laughed again, a little nervously this time. She was so obvious, and she knew there were plenty of other people that could see them standing very still and staring at each other.  
"Uh, yeah. Probably a good idea." She bit her lip, and her entire body shivered. Tommy's glare was hot and carnal. "Go get your stuff. I'll be outside in the car."  
He didn't say anything, just nodded and walked away.  
It felt like an eternity before he made it to the car, dressed in his trademark sweats and hoodie, and he tossed his big gym bag in the backseat before he fell into the passenger seat beside her. She immediately leaned into him to kiss him, hard and deep. Tommy growled in his throat, his return kiss just as intense, his tongue filling her mouth. She could smell body wash and shampoo- he had hit the shower before he left the locker room. She couldn't wait to get him home. His wide hand was on her thigh, working upwards until his fingers were rubbing against the inside seam of her jeans, where underneath her clit was like a hard throbbing bead, begging for more.  
"C'mon, get us home," he huffed, pulling back. "Or I'm gonna fuck you right here in this car."  
Lena didn't need any further instruction, turning the little hatchback on and gunning the motor. Tommy fiddled with the radio for a while, finally settling on some very loud and bombastic rap. Lena smiled to herself, her only concern was getting home. At the apartment she wrestled with the lock a bit- it was still pretty tight since Tommy had fixed it a couple months ago. The apartment was dim, the setting sun casting shadows across her study table and along the floor. Tommy hauled his gym bag in and threw it on the couch, and then disappeared into the bedroom. Lena suddenly heard music playing from their room- she peeked in to see Tommy’s laptop open on her nightstand, the tones of sex-drenched rap coming from it. Tommy was naked and pressing up against her, his mouth hungrily searching for hers. Lena slipped her arms around his neck and gave him what he wanted, her body reacting uncontrollably, her pulse suddenly alive with a wet fire that spread all over her body. Tommy was feeling it too, his wide hands spread out along her hips so he could hold her tighter to his body. His tongue pressed against her lips, and she immediately took it in her mouth, making him gasp a little to catch his breath. She helped him yank her clothes off- one more moment without skin contact and he was going to explode.  
“You’re so beautiful,” he huffed, his breath warm on her face. He carried her naked body to the bed and set her down on it, so he could slowly climb up with an open licking mouth on her skin. Lena wanted him right away, she didn’t want to waste another moment without him inside her, but Tommy had other ideas. His kiss was intense and passionate, his hands on her face, caressing her skin, sliding down to cup and massage her breasts. She moaned into his mouth, the tops of her thighs rubbing against his haunches excitedly. He continued to crouch over her, massaging her, kissing her skin, his mouth full of her breast as his palm rested on the mound of her sex.  
“Tommy, Tommy…” Her breathless cry echoed in the darkening room. She slid her hands down his chest and belly, all wet skin and hard muscle, and she palmed his cock, caressed his balls, making him growl deep in his throat. She was wordlessly begging for him to let go and maul her.  
“Fuck Lena,” he purred, “not yet…”  
But she didn’t really want to hear that. She pulled him up by his cock, until he was up on his knees and she could get out from under him to get a mouthful of him, sucking long strokes on him, making him shudder and pant. Best part of her day- making him weak for her.  
“Oh…fuck,” he growled, his fingers winding into her hair. He held his breath as he felt her mouth and lips close around him to the hilt, her throat not even clenching as she took all of him without choking. “Lena!”  
She paced herself a little slower- he was close already, she could tell. Tommy was falling back a little, and he caught himself enough to pull her up and close in on her, making her fall back on the bed with his hips wedged in between her legs.  
“What do you want, huh?” His gravelly whisper made her blood run hot. “You want this?” He thrusted his cock into her, piercing her, filling her completely, making her cry out. He smiled at the perfect ‘O’ her mouth made. “Huh? Don’t want me to eat your pussy tonight?” His composure was faltering, and he had to keep thrusting, every move he made brought him closer to orgasm, which he didn’t want yet. Her ecstastic cries rose as he drove her down into the mattress, wetness spreading as she came hard, suddenly and without warning.  
“Tommy, fuck me, fuck me!!” Her nails were in his backside, and the bed was rocking with his enthusiasm. She felt atoms splitting somewhere in her Universe, she was coming again and again, hot little jets of fluid making Tommy a mess. He couldn’t believe it, she was so wet, hot and tight, he didn’t know how long he was going to last.  
“I can’t I can’t Lena, I gotta stop…” He pulled away to bury his face in her pussy, he wanted to taste the honey that was everywhere, all over him. Her cries grew louder and louder, and Tommy knew he was doing it right. She wanted to scream, it was all she could do to stay conscious enough to keep her voice down. His mouth was relentless, his fingers worked in and out of her, and she was going to come again.  
“Tommy!! Come here, come here, come here!!” Her voice was on the verge of hysterical, her hands were pulling desperately at his immovable frame.  
The test of wills was on, but Tommy wasn’t backing down. He was not going to stop until he was damn good and ready. She was helpless against him, orgasming over and over- it was better to just let go and let him have his way. It was as if he had a never-ending supply of intense passion, his heat and intensity never diminished- it only seemed to strengthen the deeper they delved in each passing moment.  
“Come on,” he growled, rising up to throw her legs over his shoulders. “One more time for me, doll.” He was sliding slowly into her, and her back arched, her resounding cry like heaven in his ears. His thrusts were heavy enough to rock the bed but light enough not to hurt her. She didn’t think she could take much more- her body was a hot slippery mess, her heart and lungs were fluttering and stuttering so much she understood what a fish out of water must feel like.  
“C’mon Lena,” he huffed, riding her body relentlessly. Sweat was pouring off him onto her, and the room smelled of sex. Her vision was blurred in a haze of sweat and ecstasy, but she could make out Tommy’s perfect frame, his glowing red hot skin, and his eyes boring holes into her. She blindly reached out for the visage before her, moaning his name.  
“Come with me, one more time.” He was trembling with the oncoming force of impending release. “Can’t hold it anymore.”  
“Let it go, Tommy…” She held her arms open and he fell on his hands, meshing his body with hers. When she opened her eyes his crimson sweaty skin was all she could see- she caught a tight ruby nipple in her mouth and nibbled, making him groan in an exhaled breath. The room imploded- his gasp for air was the last thing she heard as he let go, shuddering a slow pulsing release into her.  
“Y’know…” Tommy’s wet head rolled on her shoulder and she caught his eye as he looked up. “Can’t do this over the weekend.”  
Lena laughed but he didn’t laugh with her. “Really?”  
“Yeah. No sex.” He raised his head and looked down at her. “Have to stay on point all weekend.”  
“OK. I think I can do that, Tommy.” She sighed, running her hands across his face and up to push his wet hair back and away from his eyes. “I mean, I can try.”  
He smiled wickedly. “You can’t go if you’re gonna fuck with me.”  
“But I will fuck with you. Just in a good way.” Lena kissed him, took a mouthful of him and pulled at him until she was rolling over on top of him. The kiss was hungry, deep and neverending. She could feel him jumping against her skin, responding to her fiery passion.  
Tommy was the first to break from their kiss. “Don’t mean to be rude but I gotta eat. Fuckin' starvin'. We got anything here?"  
Lena rubbed his chest, kissing him again even as she started getting out of bed. His cock was at half-mast-she knew this was going to be a long night.  
“I could call out for some teriyaki chicken. I have a craving for it. That sound OK to you?”  
Tommy eyed her before getting out of bed. “Uh…yeah.”  
Lena found one of Tommy’s old shirts and slipped it on. He padded behind her to the kitchen, where she had a menu for her favorite Japanese restaurant tacked to the fridge. As she made the call, he flipped through the mail on the table. He opened an express mail envelope that had come for him while she had been packing earlier.  
“What’s that?” She set her phone on the table as he flipped through all the papers he had pulled out of the envelope. He handed her the glossier ones- the official Sparta fight card, and a magazine that went into the event details, pictures, bios, stats. Lena perused the pages, noticed a few fighters she had never heard of before, while some were very familiar.  
“Mad Dog is fighting again?” Lena looked up at Tommy, unable to hide her surprise. He scoffed.  
“Oh yeah. Everyone loves a rematch.”  
“Have you seen him lately? I mean I’m sure he’s studied your style-“  
“Yeah, he studied it up close and personal.” His arrogant smirk was obvious as he held up a shot of Mad Dog in his sponsor ad, bare-chested and swollen with muscle. "Don't worry, Lena. It's bravado that keeps 'em comin' at me. When they actually get in the octagon, it all gets very real."  
"Yeah, real. Conlon the Killer." She held up Tommy's picture in the Sparta magazine, in his trademark black shorts and handwraps, large round muscles glistening and eyes of steel.  
Tommy flicked the magazine, grinning. "Yeah, yeah. Whatever."  
Lena stared at the fight card. Soares and Biggs were listed, and other MMA fighters with their stats listed as well. 

VITOR SOARES  
Birthday: 1975-04-14  
AGE: 39 Curitiba, Parana Brazil  
Height : 6'2" Weight : 185 lbs  
Wins 33 Losses 6

LEANDRO RIVERA  
Birthday: 1979-12-07  
AGE: 34 Manaus, Amazonas Brazil  
Height : 6'0" Weight : 184 lbs  
Wins 21 Losses 3

CAVI CASTANHO  
Birthday: 1978-05-30  
AGE: 36 Belem, Para Brazil  
Height : 6'1" Weight : 185 lbs  
Wins 21 Losses 5

MATT BIGGS  
Birthday: 1984-06-17  
AGE: 30 Baldwin, New York  
Height : 6'2" Weight : 185 lbs  
Wins 12 Losses 0

TOMMY CONLON  
Birthday: 1977-09-15  
AGE: 37 Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania  
Height : 6'1" Weight : 185 lbs  
Wins 20 Losses 1

 

PADDY MONROE  
Birthday: 1979-09-01  
AGE: 35 Fort Bragg, North Carolina  
Height : 5'11" Weight : 185 lbs  
Wins 18 Losses 5

EDMOND DANTES  
Birthday: 1985-08-01  
AGE: 29 Leiden, South Holland Netherlands  
Height : 6'1" Weight : 186 lbs  
Wins 35 Losses 5

YUSHI AOKI  
Birthday: 1981-07-21  
AGE: 33 Kawasaki, Kanagawa Japan  
Height : 6'2" Weight : 185 lbs  
Wins 30 Losses 8

ERIC GRIMES  
Birthday: 1977-08-26  
AGE: 37 Harrisburg, Pennsylvania  
Height : 6'0" Weight : 185 lbs  
Wins 10 Losses 3

JAVIER DOS SANTOS  
Birthday: 1977-04-01  
AGE: 37 Rio de Janeiro, Brazil  
Height : 6'0" Weight : 185 lbs  
Wins 24 Losses 10

BRANDON PENA  
Birthday: 1984-10-17  
AGE: 30 San Jose, California  
Height : 6'3" Weight : 185 lbs  
Wins 12 Losses 2

CAMERON JACKSON  
Birthday: 1977-04-30  
AGE: 37 Miami, Florida  
Height : 5'10" Weight : 185 lbs  
Wins 9 Losses 1

JOHNNY BRONSON  
Birthday: 1979-02-28  
AGE: 35 Manchester England  
Height : 6'2" Weight : 185 lbs  
Wins 25 Losses 6

RASHAD WHITE  
Birthday: 1977-10-10  
AGE: 37 San Diego, California  
Height : 6'2" Weight : 187 lbs  
Wins 12 Losses 7

JAQUES ROBITAILLE  
Birthday: 1981-05-19  
AGE: 33 St. Isidore, Quebec Canada  
Height : 5'10" Weight : 187 lbs  
Wins 25 Losses 2

JESUS DIAZ  
Birthday: 1972-05-25  
AGE: 47 San Jose, California  
Height : 5'10" Weight : 185 lbs  
Wins 9 Losses 3  
Lena took in a deep breath. This was not going to be easy. As J.J. Riley, the co-founder of Sparta, had once said- "I wanna know who's the toughest guy in the room."  
Tommy caught her worried expression. "Really? You gettin' scared? Stats mean nothin'. These pictures? They don't mean nothin' either. I've watched every one of those guys fight, and I assure you, there's nothin' to worry about."  
She looked into his eyes. "This is the last one, right? I mean, you're not going to do tournaments anymore after this, right?"  
Tommy nodded his head 'no'. "Got no reason to. No question in my mind what's gonna happen. I need you to be sure of that too."  
Lena nodded. "I am, Tommy...just...don't wanna see you get hurt."  
To that he laughed. "Don't have to worry about that, doll." He kissed her cheek and walked off to the bathroom. After a little while she heard the shower running, so she put a robe on and made some hot tea, then sat down and sifted through the rest of the Sparta papers. A handwritten letter from J.J. Riley was there as well:  
Hey Tommy,  
Congrats on your nuptials! Hope you're well and ready for battle. Really happy you are able to join us in Vegas. I would like to meet you for lunch on Friday, before the tourney opens. We have a lot to discuss, and I may have a few offers for you. My number is (202)555-1492. Call me when your plane lands!  
Yours,  
J.J.

Lena looked at the letter and wondered to herself. J.J. was a business man, and Tommy had no sponsors, besides her uncle Vinnie, whose business name was shown on Brendan's shirt only as "VINCENT 'S BAR, PITTSBURGH". It was already decided that there was no reason to be overly garish. Tommy had a special hoodie made with the street address on the back to walk out in, but that was about it. Lena smiled to herself as she thought about Tommy and J.J. sitting down for a business lunch. She needed to make sure that Tommy hadn't left his really nice clothes on hangers in the closet. Looks like he was going to need them.  
After a while Tommy came out of the bathroom, carrying a bottle of something with him. Lena had just paid for their dinner and was bringing it to the table.  
"Hey, can you do me a favor?" He held a bottle of Tiger Balm Ultra out to her. Lena sat the big paper bag down on the table. The smell of teriyaki filled the air. Tommy was standing shirtless, damp from the shower, staring at her.  
"What's up?" Lena took the glass bottle from him and studied it. "What is this stuff?"  
"Chinese medicine. Helps a lot. Will you rub the back of my shoulder for me? Can't reach it." He sat down backwards on the nearest chair, exposing his wide back to her.  
Lena smiled at him. "Of course I will." She unscrewed the top of the glass bottle and the smell of camphor hit her in the face. Something else too- cinnamon? She couldn't figure it out. She smoothed the vaseline-like ointment on the back of his left shoulderblade. Muscles there flexed, showing knots that she immediately kneaded.  
"Hmmm..." His growl was low and rumbling. "Harder."  
She kept at it, and the heat from the ointment rose, the smell getting stronger-but it wasn't unpleasant like the usual muscle rubs she had used before.  
"That's it..." Tommy stood up, his massive frame directly in front of her. He rotated his shoulder, and she could hear clicking and a grinding noise coming from deep within. He turned and embraced her in a bear hug. "Thanks, doll." He took a big deep breath in through his nose. "Hell yeah, let's eat."

It was much later when Lena had made sure to pack Tommy's dress shirts and slacks in her carry-on. Tommy was asleep upstairs as she lugged her last bag down to the car. It was after midnight and she was wired, excited about the flight and the next couple of days. She didn't know how he could be sleeping, she was so psyched and she wasn't even a Sparta contender. The sobering thought of 3AM was enough to make her crawl in bed with him however, where she slept in fits and starts. The alarm went off at 3AM, making her curse out loud as Tommy jumped up to get in the shower. Lena waited her turn, and when she got out Tommy was already dressed in black jeans and a form-fitting black shirt, and he was pulling on his black Nike Frees. It was 3:15- Lena had taken the fastest shower in her life. She got dressed in blue jeans and her favorite Pittsburgh Steel Knight shirt. Tommy smiled wide when he saw her in it.  
"You ready babe?"  
Lena smiled back and leaned in to kiss him. "Yes I am."  
After making sure the apartment was locked up tight, they ventured out into the warm atmosphere of Pittsburgh- a slightly damp 63 degrees. The ten minutes to Brendan's house was silent, Tommy staring out the window as Lena drove.  
Brendan was waiting outside, his bags by his side. He looked a little irritated.  
"I said 3:30 guys." He threw his stuff next to theirs in the back and waited for Tommy to get out of the passenger seat to let him in.  
"Calm down, we're only ten minutes late." Tommy shook his head.  
"Yeah and it takes almost an hour to get out there."  
Tommy sat back down as Brendan folded himself in the backseat.  
"Naw." He turned to smile at his brother. "Lena's drivin'."  
Brendan looked a little worried as Lena sped off. "Shit."  
Almost a half-hour later they arrived at the airport. Tommy was laughing to himself as Brendan peeled himself out of the backseat.  
"Goddamn Lena." He looked a little disheveled. "Why didn't you take up street racing?"  
They had made it in plenty of time for the flight. Tommy had already taken some pills, and by the time they were all on the plane he was heading to the bathroom every twenty minutes. Lena looked over at Brendan, as if to say, "what gives?"  
Brendan nodded slightly. "Diuretics. So he'll weigh in at 185."  
Lena looked alarmed. "Is that safe, Bren? I mean, won't that weaken him out?"  
Brendan shook his head. "Nah. He's done this before." He laughed a little and patted her shoulder. "Don't worry so much. He's got this."  
Lena bit her lip to keep her mouth shut and tried to get a few winks as Tommy wore the carpet out going back and forth to the bathroom.  
Las Vegas. Lena had never been. She had fallen asleep on the plane and dreamed she and Tommy spent a weekend playing tables and drinking champagne- when she woke up it was anything but. Tommy and Brendan were talking about the other fighters, about the suite reserved at Mandalay Bay, where the tournament was being held.  
"You know I like my privacy."  
Brendan sighed heavily. "C'mon Tommy, I reserved the extra bedroom suite so we could stay close. We would have been on different floors."  
"So?"  
Brendan shook his head. "Too late. They're overbooked as it is with Sparta goin' on, they were kind enough to work with me on this one."  
"Whatever. Not responsible for what you may or may not see."  
"Yeah, yeah." Brendan looked over at Lena and caught her staring from under her eyelashes. "Oh hey Lena. Good morning."  
"Hmmph." Lena stretched and smiled at the brothers. "What's goin' on, boys?"  
"Nothin'. Final descent and all that. You got your seatbelt on?"Tommy leaned in to plant a kiss on her cheek, and he nibbled on her earlobe too.  
"Good, we're landing." Lena exhaled sharply. "What's the itinerary?"  
"Well," Brendan sighed, "we gotta get to Mandalay Bay to settle into our plush accommodations-" he giggled, "-and then it's clean up time. We gotta get ready for the Sparta arrival and the press meet."  
Tommy rolled his eyes to himself. The last thing he wanted to do was sit down and get questioned."You can stay in the room if you want-"  
"No way!" Lena gave him a big smile. "No way. I have to be there. Is there a place where I can wait?"  
"We can get you a front-row seat." Brendan's eyes twinkled a little.  
"Cool!" Lena clapped her hands with delight.  
"Ugh," groaned Tommy.  
After some mind-numbing wait times, Tommy, Lena and Brendan piled all their stuff into a taxi and headed to the resort. Tall, golden and enormous-it was everything Lena had imagined. The exterior and interior were absolutely flawless. Advertisements and banners for Sparta were everywhere she looked. The entire staff knew exactly who they were and where they were staying before they could open their mouths.  
"Don't be too impressed," Brendan joked in the elevator. "All the fighters are staying here."  
"So we'll see Cal and Colt here, right?" Lena was so excited she could barely contain it. She had at last caught the Sparta vibe, and she was thrilling to it. Tommy, as always, looked impassive, staring up at the mirrored elevator ceiling and then around at the mirrored walls. He turned his head towards her with an evil little smile.  
"So...check out all these mirrors, Lena...hey, is there an emergency stop button there, Bren?"  
Brendan shook his head, starting to laugh. "Shut up Tommy. Yeah, we should see everybody real soon. We gotta be dressed up and ready within the hour. The limo is coming to pick us up."  
"Limo?" Lena looked a little shocked. Brendan smiled at her.  
"Yeah. The limo."  
"Ugh," said Tommy.  
"But...what happens to me when you guys walk out?"  
"You are going to be dropped off around the side, where you can go in and take a seat. Don't worry, there'll be other people there too." Brendan grinned, patting her shoulder. He had never had a kid sister before. He was starting to really like it.  
Tommy silently rolled his eyes. "Thank God for Limbitrol."  
Lena leaned into his side and kissed his cheek, his jaw, and hugged him tight. "I'll be there."  
"I know. That's bothering me too."  
"Why?"  
"I dunno...just nervous I guess. I feel like I'm on a hotseat and you have to watch."  
"Ah don't worry, Tommy. " Brendan pulled his bag up and over his shoulder as the elevator slowed. "All the fighters are gonna be there. It's not just you alone out there."  
Tommy was shaking his head as they exited the elevator, baggage in tow. Lena was so excited to see their room, and be alone with Tommy in it, she couldn't stand it.  
Double doors opened to a spacious living room, a long wet bar, and a wall of windows that showed a wide view of Vegas in all its glory.  
Brendan dropped his bags and went to stare out the windows, his sounds of amazement hard to stifle. Tommy poked around, silent as stone- Lena knew he was trying to find the place where he was going to hole up.  
"I'm taking a shower first," he finally said with a smile. Brendan was still staring out the window, his mouth open. Lena had to laugh.  
"Yeah Tommy, sure." Brendan waved him off as Tommy disappeared into the bathroom. Lena came to stand next to Brendan and take it all in too. Busy avenue, big black shiny pyramid...  
"Man...is this place for real?"  
Brendan laughed. "Crazy, isn't it?" He looked at her now, his piercing blue eyes crystalline in the Vegas sunlight. "Hey, you hungry? Want me to call down for anything?"  
Lena smiled. "Nah, Bren, I'm OK. Thanks. Maybe after the press meet we can get some food."  
"OK. Just don't want you havin' an episode and blackin' out on us."  
"No, the doc helped with all that."  
"And somethin' else...I don't want you gettin' stressed out. Tommy is gonna sweep this. You got nothin' to worry about."  
Lena nodded. She felt he was right but her natural instinct was to worry.  
Tommy was dressed in gray slacks that seemed almost too tight, and a red dress shirt that fit his muscular frame perfectly. Brendan had handed him a black tie before he took his turn in the shower, but Tommy had tossed it on the bed with a grumble of curse words, deciding instead to call J.J. Riley. Lena was stretched out on their king-sized bed, trying not to listen in to his conversation, which sounded mostly one-sided. Tommy was pretty quiet, and Lena wondered if he was just listening to sales pitches.  
Brendan got out of the shower in just a towel and Lena had to avert her eyes. He had not lost his fighter's physique. Lena absently wondered if she had a boy in her belly, and if she did, would he be blessed with the Conlon genetics?  
She decided she had better get her makeup on, and as she stood up and smoothed the black Sparta shirt Tommy had given her over her black cargo pants, she caught Tommy peeking in the room and staring at her.  
"Hey you." She came up to him and kissed his expressionless face.  
"Hey doll." He turned her around on his pinky. "I like that shirt on ya."  
"Yeah...gotta enjoy it now, it won't fit for much longer."  
Tommy caught her waist in his arms and held her to him, their hips pressed together. "Are ya feelin' better? You look like you got some color back."  
"Yeah, Tommy. I'm fine, baby. The anticipation is killin' me with this weekend, though."  
"Yeah, I know what ya mean. Are you hungry, need anythin'?"  
Lena laughed. "Brendan asked me the same thing. I don't know if I can get used to all this attention!"  
Tommy's brow knitted. "You scared me, y'know. I can't risk losin' you or...the little one, y'know...I"m gonna check on you so much it'll piss you off. So get used to it now."  
Lena briefly kissed his half-smiling lips. "Not trying to be nosy or anything, but...what did J.J. have to say?"  
Tommy shrugged, rolled his eyes. "Ah, y'know...J.J. is a great guy, but he's a business man. He wants me to take an endorsement deal with Sparta."  
"Yeah? Like what kind of deal?"  
"Lifetime. Says he doesn't care what happens this weekend. Says I'm his champ." Tommy shook his head. "Whatever that means. He's talking about...can't really believe this, but...he wants to cut me in."  
Lena was stunned speechless.  
"Yeah, I know. He says he's getting tired. He tried to help keep me out of jail after Sparta 1, you know that? Yeah, not a lot of people do. He pulled a lot of strings, but I had to do the time anyway. He wants me to help him out."  
Lena looked at him in disbelief. "What exactly does that mean?"  
"He wants me to go see him in New York when this is over. Says we can talk about it some more."  
"Wow." Lena laughed. "That's pretty amazing."  
"We were supposed to meet for lunch but he doesn't know if he can break away. It feels like some kind of weird dream."  
Brendan knocked on their open door. "Hey guys. We have twenty minutes."  
Lena kissed Tommy again, this time he didn't let her get away. His mouth opened against hers and he cupped her face, purring softly in his throat. The kiss intensified, and she opened her eyes to look right into his, kaleidoscope green and blue simmering with lust.  
"Sunday," he whispered, pulling away.  
"Sunday?" She stumbled a little, found her footing, her face hot under his glare.  
"Sunday." He nodded towards the bed, and she looked down, blushing. He was adjusting himself in his slacks- they were definitely too tight now.  
The limo pulled up, black stretch Lincoln Towncar.  
"Jesus," Tommy whispered.  
"Looks like we're headed to a funeral." Brendan shivered, then waved them along with him as he approached the limo. The driver got out to open the door for them, and told them there were refreshments inside.  
Lena sat next to Tommy, and Brendan took the other seat for himself, the partition behind him. There were cold bottles of water and a bucket of ice along the side panel.  
"No Moet?" Lena joked.  
"No whiskey either," Tommy rasped, but he wasn't joking.  
The event center was within walking distance, but there would be none of that. The fighters had to appear with their trainers and walk across a red carpet into the event center, where they would take their seats at a long row of tables, all washed with Sparta advertising, microphones in between every seat, and the octagon behind all of it. Off to one side was a large curtain with the Sparta helmet airbrushed on it, and a large medical scale on display. Somewhere overhead, speakers were playing songs like "Victory" by P. Diddy, "Stronger" by Kanye, "Mama Said Knock You Out" by LL Cool J. Camera crews and the press made a frenzy of activity inside, setting everything up. Lena had a front row seat, as promised, and she was in between other females she could only guess were other wives and girlfriends. No one seemed friendly, so Lena sat quietly and kept to herself. Tommy and Brendan took their seats, in between Colt and his Biggs, and Frank and his Soares. Tommy uncomfortably shifted in his seat, feeling choked sitting next to Frank. Brendan was trying to relax, but Matt Biggs kept turning his head just enough to stare at Brendan, then Tommy. Further down the table Mad Dog Grimes sat, scowling at everyone, particularly in Tommy's direction.  
"They need to hurry the fuck up with this," Tommy growled. Frank looked over at him, his smart-ass smile crinkling his eyes.  
"C'mon Tommy, you can handle this, can't ya?"  
Brendan cleared his throat. "He's ready to fight, Frank."  
"Of course he is." Frank eyed Tommy. "I think everyone at this table is ready."  
Tommy turned his head and narrowed his eyes. He wanted to fire back so badly but he wouldn't, he knew a fight would break out if he did. All the other fighters showed up, trailing in and taking their seats. Testosterone had its own voice, and it smelled like tangy musk, and yelled a war cry only the fighters heard.  
The men were seated, and the press had finished setting up. The pause in the room was palpable with tension, until finally J.J. Riley hustled onto the scene, taking a microphone from an assistant and clearing his throat.  
"Hey, hello everyone, sorry for running late. OK, well, here we are, Sparta 7...look at these guys, will ya? Bunch of animals! Glad you all made it to Vegas safely. As you all know, this is a once a year, two-day event, top 16 middleweights, $5 million dollar prize, with contracts for MusclePharm and Xyience at stake as well. Let's meet our gladiators!"  
J.J. went around the table, introducing each fighter and his trainer, announcing their hometowns and their records, each time eliciting cheers from the crowd. When he got to Tommy, Lena stood up and cheered, along with others in the crowd of fans and press. Tommy caught her eyes and smiled a little, just for her, before sitting down with Brendan again.  
"OK, you got their names, let's open it up for questions." J.J. silently pointed to members of the press, most of whom asked the same questions to every fighter. Lena yawned with the banality of it all, until finally someone asked Tommy a direct question.  
"Mr. Conlon, do you have any worries entering this competition, knowing some will see your past injury as a weakness?"  
Tommy sat staring at the man who asked the question, a small pudgy older man from a magazine he had never heard of.  
"Don't think so. They have to get close enough first, and by then it'll be too late." His answer was straight-forward and stated plainly, but it garnered some groaning and snickering from the table.  
"That's pretty confident. Being this is a two-day event, and you'll have to potentially fight three times, are you prepared for the possibility of leaving empty-handed and injured to boot?"  
Tommy shook his head, staring the reporter down. Brendan stepped in, sensing his brother's urge to speak his mind.  
"No one, and everyone, here is prepared to lose. Just being invited to compete in Sparta is an achievement."  
"Yeah, but you don't get an award just for showing up," Mad Dog piped in.  
"Mediocrity rules!" Frank blurted, and laughed. The microphone caught it all, and Tommy slowly turned his head to glare at Frank. "What, I didn't mean you! C'mon Tommy!" Frank laughed again, trying to show Tommy he meant nothing by it, but it was too late. Tommy was stone still and pulsing with danger.  
Lena was frozen in her seat, wondering if Tommy had taken his 'happy pills'. He wasn't looking too happy. She was hoping all of this was almost over. J.J. seemed to read her mind, as he popped back in front of all the cameras again.  
"OK everyone, I think that's enough for now. After all, everyone came to see them fight, not talk, right?" He pulled a little sheet off an easel that was set up in front of the crowd, where the official fight bracket was displayed.  
"Alright, we drew names out of a hat. No kidding. Randomly chosen, here's your line-up."  
Hundreds of flashes went off at the same time. Lena tried to see from where she was sitting, but it was almost impossible. A Sparta staffer was handing papers to the trainers, and Lena knew she would see it eventually, just not soon enough.  
It was time for the weigh-ins, and Lena knew Tommy had pissed out at least six pounds in the last 24 hours. He was fifth in line, after Soares and before Biggs. He came out from behind the black curtain in tight black shorts that ended mid-thigh, his skin drawn tight over his ridiculous muscle structure. He looked like he just stepped off Mount Olympus, a god mingling with the mortals. Lena's breath caught in her throat.  
"Tommy Conlon, Pittsburgh's finest, weighing in at...183 pounds!"  
Tommy was supposed to stand and flex like a good little show pony, but he wasn't having any of it. He quickly walked off to get behind the curtain and get dressed again. He wanted out of there.  
Brendan waved at Lena and motioned for her to come along. Tommy and Brendan exited out the side door, pulling Lena along. A few reporters were trailing behind, trying to stop Tommy for a few more questions. Brendan tripped the door closed in the reporter's faces, and the three of them were standing in the Vegas sunshine, free from the chaos.  
"I don't see the limo. Come on, let's go." Tommy took Lena's hand and started off towards their golden three pronged resort.  
"Tommy, the limos are on the other side-" Brendan tried to get his brother's attention, but Tommy was already striding away.  
"Don't want to be in the goddamn limo right now, Bren."  
Brendan jogged a few paces to catch up. "It's probably better this way anyway."  
"Yeah, some fresh air." Lena took a deep breath as she walked briskly alongside Tommy. "That kinda sucked."  
"I fuckin' hate that shit," Tommy spat. "Drives me nuts. That was a waste of 90 minutes."  
"It's your last time, Tom. Think of it that way." Brendan hotfooted it across the busy parking lot with them.  
"We didn't need the goddamn limos either. Christ it's all in the same parking lot!"  
"It was all for show, man."  
"Ugh." Tommy smiled at Lena as they entered the building. "Hey, I saw a seafood restaurant over here. You wanna go?"  
"Yeah!"  
Brendan laughed softly. "Uh, mind if I join yas?"  
Tommy had a chicken breast and grilled vegetables, and a salad, no dressing. Lena ate lobster and shrimp. Brendan wanted a cheeseburger but had salmon instead. Lena ordered a glass of white wine and Tommy drank about a gallon of water with lemon wedges. Brendan drank a frosty pint of dark beer, and Tommy tried not to stare at it. They looked over the fight card- Tommy was in the second fight, and it was against a man he was supposed to fight a few months back: Leandro Rivera.  
"You did good in there, Tom. I know you wanted to tear some heads off..."  
"Yeah, I shut my fuckin' mouth in there." He turned and smiled at Lena. "I should get a prize."  
Brendan rolled his eyes. "Don't wanna hear about it..."  
Later. Lena took a nap while the brothers went down to the makeshift gym the resort had made for the fighters- pad-lined floors, weights, heavybags, each area partitioned off so the fighters didn't have to look at each other. As Tommy practiced some Muay Thai Boran, Colt and Frank paid Brendan a visit. Tommy paid them no mind as he hit the heavy bag, quickly, efficiently, but with intent of lethal harm. The bag was broken in less than 45 minutes. Tommy had been so focused, he hadn't noticed Frank and Colt had left.  
"What did they want?" Tommy wiped his face as sweat poured down into his eyes. Brendan had requested a space heater and it was working well.  
"You know, to wish us good luck and all that. Even Frank said you were looking scary."  
"He should be scared. I'm gonna tear 'em all to pieces." Tommy was calm, but Brendan knew he was in a lather, his mind bent on violence. His threat was not a statement of sheer bravado, but a promise of clear danger for his opponents. Brendan looked at his brother and saw the black cave of emotions Tommy was in- he was a predator waiting to strike. Brendan tried not to broadcast the chill that ran down his spine.  
"I know you will, Tommy." Brendan was quiet, watching his brother silently fume. He knew that rage all too well.  
The first fight started at 6pm. The UFC had a few new fighters to warm up the crowd with, ones that were good but not infamous enough to compete in Sparta. Tommy had warmed up all he could, had all the nutrition he could swallow, and couldn't wait to come down the tunnel. Lena sat in the dressing room, watching Brendan wrap Tommy's hands, rub vaseline on his face, pull on his arms and legs. Tommy was swollen, his muscle tissues flush with blood, warm and ready for combat. Sweat beaded on his skin and ran down his face. His eyes were hard and hot, fiery dark coals in his face.  
"Lena," he barked in a gruff voice. "You should go out there, get your seat. They're gonna be callin' me soon."  
Lena stood up and came towards him. She had seen him ready for a fight before, seen him pissed and full of rage, but she had never seen him quite like this. He was enormous, imperious and almost foreign to her. She would've been intimidated, but his small smile changed everything.  
"Gimme a kiss, doll." He rubbed her bare arms, scratching her a little with his gloves. She was wearing the red dress he had picked out for her in Atlantic City, and a pair of sexy strappy red heels. She looked like an understated ring girl. Tommy was thrilled she was here with him, even if he couldn't show it properly. "You're fuckin' gorgeous." She hugged his wet body and gave him long sweet kiss, making him growl and tighten his grip on her.  
"Tommy..." She was breathless, pulling back from him to look into his eyes. He was on fire. "I love you."  
"I love you too." He let her go, but the extreme tension coming from his body left her feeling constricted.  
"Kill them all," she whispered, and walked away.  
Tommy winked. Brendan shivered.  
Lena was seated on the floor, where she knew ticket prices were in the thousands. Her seat was facing Tommy's corner- J.J. Riley had a seat reserved just for her. The media table was a few feet away from her, where the announcers and the judges were seated, along with celebrities like Mike Tyson and UFC president Dana White, and of course the TapouT guys Punkass and Skyskrape. The crown was already nuts, screaming and chanting, stomping their feet and vibrating the air itself. Lena was on the verge of an anxiety attack, waiting on the first fight. The announcers, Sam Sheridan and Bryan Callen, were full of excitement, even though this was their seventh tournament, they still carried the event with professionalism and a little sarcasm as well.  
"Here we are again, fans, back with another Sparta!" Bryan was a comedian by trade but he loved working with his good friend, Sam- a published author with first-hand knowledge of fighting and survival under his belt as well. "Sam and I are thrilled to be here, bringin' it to you live from beautiful Mandalay Bay here in Las Vegas, Nevada."  
"That's right, two days of upsets, surprises and no-brainers. I see originals Eric 'MadDog' Grimes and Tommy 'The Killer' Conlon are on the card-"  
"Yeah, gettin' a little long in the tooth, boys?" Bryan laughed.  
"Seasoned champs-"  
"I wouldn't go that far, Sam."  
"Well, one of them got pretty close, and I think you know to whom I am referring-"  
"Tommy 'The Killer' Conlon, yes Sam I know exactly who you mean!"  
"Tommy blazed a trail of bodies in Sparta One, only to have his arm dislocated by his own brother in the final fight. I tell you Bryan, I am excited to see him again, I have watched some of the recent footage of him and I think he's back and ready to crush the competition."  
"Well he has some serious competition in this tournament, and it's a little late in his career to try and make a comeback-"  
"I believe he's said this is his last hurrah, Bryan."  
"I hate to say this but I'm sure it will be, whether he wants that or not. Let's talk about the other fighters, like Jacques Robitaille, a 25-2 animal out of Quebec-I mean look at this guy-"  
Suddenly the screens above the octagon filled with footage of Robitaille fighting like a pitbull, swinging and kicking like a machine, destroying his opponent.  
"This was back in April. He annihilated Octavio Garcia in two rounds, Garcia was in line for Sparta, until that fight took him out on a three-month injury."  
Bryan shook his head as Garcia, a beast in his own right, took a swing to the temple and his eyes went dim as he crumpled to the mat.  
"Mad Dog better be ready. Robitaille swings like a Mack truck."  
Suddenly the lights dimmed, and music started blaring- HedPe's "Suffer" was at full blast as 'Mad Dog' made his way through the tunnel.  
"And here we go, Sam! Eric 'Mad Dog' Grimes coming towards the Octagon!"  
Lena stood up and watched as the crowd went wild. She could barely make out Mad Dog through the throng of people- it was a madhouse. Sam and Bryan continued their commentary, but she couldn't hear them anymore through the thundering music and screaming crowds. She braced herself as Mad Dog closed in on the Octagon, and got an up close and personal view of him as he ascended the stairs. After the Sparta officials looked him over, he bounced into the cage in just his shorts and handwraps- he looked lean and mean, ready to hurt someone.  
The music changed to Pantera's "Walk"-Robitaille cut a menacing figure as he made his way down to join Mad Dog in the Octagon. Lena watched the two men pace inside the cage as the announcer read their stats out loud in the usual style-"Eric. Mad Dawwwwwwwwwwg. GRIIIIIMES!!!" Lena found herself giggling, imagining Tommy's face as his name was read aloud in such a manner. 'He is going to hate hate hate it,' she thought.  
Round one was a lot of posturing and missed jabs, until Robitaille suddenly advanced on Mad Dog and worked his ribs, knocking him into the fence, striking his jaw and calling an end to the first round.  
Round two was nothing but Robitaille coming after Mad Dog, his eagerness making Lena wonder of he was going to run out of steam before he could knock Mad Dog out - although after watching Robitaille fight, she found herself rooting for Mad Dog by the time the third round ended. Mad Dog's face was a mess and he was listing like a ship as he tried to find his corner. Lena knew Tommy was damn near unbeatable, but she could see the danger Robitaille presented as well.  
Round four, and the crowd was roaring as Mad Dog made a comeback, squaring his shoulders and landing a few good licks on Robitaille- a kick to the face sent Mad Dog's opponent to the mat. The ref was right close by as Mad Dog straddled Robitaille and started punching at his face-Robitaille blocked his punches and managed to scramble out from under him, only to be caught again. Lena must have blinked, because when she opened her eyes Mad Dog had Robitaille in a chokehold and put him to sleep. The crowd went nuts, some booing, some cheering. Mad Dog was declared the winner, and Lena felt a tight knot forming in her stomach looking up at the monitors, watching Mad Dog leer at the crowd with a bloody mug.  
It was about twenty minutes to the next fight. Lena was a nervous wreck. She watched the octagon as it was cleaned and sanitized, and she thought about Tommy and what he was going to do in it. She shuddered.  
The UFC trotted out some ring girls and shot some shirts into the crowd. A vendor was passing by, and Lena stopped him for a bottle of water. She lifted the bottle to her lips and realized she was visibly trembling. 'God please, not now,' she thought, worried for a moment that her blood sugar was slipping. She waved the vendor down, but he didn't have any food, just beverages. She bought a Coke, hoping it was just her nerves and nothing more.  
Suddenly the commotion around the octagon switched gears, and the lights dimmed as the music started blaring again. Lena knew Tommy would be on his way down, but this was not his song- Notorious B.I.G. was asking "Who Shot Ya?" at top volume as Leandro Rivera made his way down the tunnel. Lena watched the muscular dark-skinned Brazilian approach the octagon, watched him ripple and flex as he was inspected and wiped down before he bounded through the cage door. Lights were flashing all around, and Rivera's song segued into Tommy's- Brendan had picked Nas' "Hero", and the chorus was loud and transcending as Tommy walked through the frothing crowd. Lena decided the crowd and the music were equal in thundering decibels- her ears ached.  
Tommy walked past her, his nod towards her almost imperceptible. Brendan winked at her and smiled openly, calming her nerves a little. Tommy received the customary inspection and wipe down, then entered the octagon as the crowd began to chant his name. Lena held her breath.  
"In this corner, wearing purple, weighing in at 183 pounds, with a record of 3 losses and 21 wins, from Manaus, Brazil....Leandro Rivera!"  
The crowd was a mix of noise, some positive and some negative.  
"And in this corner, wearing black, weighing 185 pounds, with a record of 1 loss and 20 wins, from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania...Tommy Conlon!!" Just as Lena expected, the announcer drew his name all the way out, but it didn't matter, she couldn't hear it at all anymore- the crowd had gone completely insane. Lena looked around-it seemed as if the entire event center was on its feet, banners, flags and signs waving, and every voice was joined in one enormous cheer.  
Brendan looked out at the crowd for a moment, smiling from ear to ear. He beamed at Lena, made a wild gesture of amazement and joy, and turned his attention back to Tommy, who was facing off with Rivera in the center of the octagon.  
"Five rounds, gentlemen. I expect a clean fight. Obey my commands at all times, defend yourself at all times. Touch gloves, go back, come out fighting."  
Tommy stalked back to his corner, where Brendan encouraged him, knowing Tommy was tuned out now and in his zone, but doing it anyway. Rivera stared unblinking from his corner, coiled like a snake, his hungry expression sending a chill down Lena's spine.  
"Tommy, you ready? Rivera? GO TO WAR!!"  
A collective gasp fell through the arena as the fighters came towards each other, all eyes on them. Rivera took the first swing, a tight short jab for Tommy's face-Tommy ducked and took a step back, and Rivera quickly advanced, swinging again. Tommy raised his arms and blocked his face, quickly reacting to Rivera's follow up kick. Rivera couldn't land a thing, Tommy was taunting him without saying a word. Brendan was trying to yell some coaching through the fence to Tommy, but he had already checked out- the only thing Tommy could see was Rivera's eyes, and he patiently waited for his time to come. Rivera drew close and swung again, aiming for Tommy's face- Tommy artfully dodged the potentially vicious right cross and countered with a single uppercut, sending Rivera sprawling backwards onto the mat, blood flowing freely from his split chin. The ref raced to the scene, waving for help, and Rivera's coach and cutman rushed in to attend to the lifeless fighter. If it was at all possible the crowd was even louder than before, chanting Tommy's name like a violent mantra. A short minute later and the ref was at Tommy's side with the announcer, raising his gloved hand in the air.  
"And the winner by knock-out, TOMMY...CONLON!"  
Tommy's eyes found Lena's and locked there, blazing bright, while Brendan was screaming for her to come with them to the back. She only understood him when he used hand gestures- his voice disappeared in the cacophony of the crowd. She shivered thinking about what was next- Tommy versus Mad Dog.


	77. Annihilation

Lena could not shake the stun from the sudden win. She knew what Tommy was like in the ring, but it didn't make the adrenaline leave her bloodstream any faster. The let down was shocking. Lena fought her way through the crowds, her body squished in between Tommy and Brendan as Brendan charged ahead, pushing people back. Security and Sparta officials already had their hands full trying to keep the walkways cleared so the trio could pass through. The barriers were weak at best and there was a lot of breakthrough.  
Finally they made it back to their dressing room, just in time for Mad Dog's live interview flickering on the monitors.  
"You made a hell of a comeback in that fight. How are you feeling?"  
Mad Dog looked pretty rough, but he smiled anyway. "I feel great, thanks."  
"Are you prepared for your next fight? You and Tommy Conlon, in the cage tonight for the first time in six years."  
"Oh yeah, I've been waiting for this for years. Conlon can't really fight anymore, not with that injury. It's his turn to get knocked out, and I'm the guy for the job."  
The commentator raised his eyebrows. "You sound pretty confident, Mad Dog."  
"Damn straight. I may have made a few mistakes before, but it won't happen again." He looked into the camera. "Comin for you, Conlon."  
Tommy switched off the TV. "Punk."  
Brendan switched the TV back on. "Gotta watch the other fights, see who you'll be coming up against."  
Tommy switched the TV off again. "Doesn't matter. I'll find out when I get there."  
Brendan finally threw his hands up in the air. "OK. Whatever, Tom."  
Tommy kissed Lena's cheek and headed to the back. As the shower ran, Brendan turned the TV back on again, and he and Lena huddled nearby, watching Frank's guy Soares come down the tunnel, on his way to fight Cameron Jackson, a UFC favorite out of Miami that was already on his way to becoming the champion in the middleweight division. But listening to Bryan Callen and Sam Sheridan talk as both fighters entered the cage, Lena learned that Soares was an underdog with a zeal for violence that was only matched by his round-ending accuracy.  
"I would love to see Soares and Conlon in the cage," Sam remarked.  
"If things go the way I predict, we will," said Bryan, "and what a fight that will be."  
The first round Lena and Brendan watched as Soares toyed with Jackson, feinting and ducking, never really throwing anything serious. By the second round, Jackson was getting frustrated, with his coach screaming at him and Soares smiling sickly as he dodged another set of punches. Finally Jackson charged, swinging fists and elbows, his frustration evident in his attack. Soares blocked and returned one solid swing, with Jackson blindly running into his full-force punch. Soares was declared the winner by TKO.  
"Jesus Christ," Brendan whispered.  
"That looked way too familiar." Lena shivered. It was almost a carbon copy of Tommy's fight with Rivera.  
"So he's studied me, so what." Tommy's voice was a quiet rumble behind them. Brendan looked at him guiltily.  
"Couldn't help it. Had to look."  
Tommy was in a towel and nothing else. He shrugged, water dripping from his hair down his neck and chest. Lena blushed watching it.  
"I told ya both, I'm not worried." He turned around and went back to finish toweling off. They were several fights away from Tommy's next fight. Lena wanted a drink so badly she almost couldn't stand it. Brendan looked at her and saw her need.  
"You want me to get you something, Lena?"  
"I could use a glass of wine, maybe."  
"You hungry?"  
Lena shrugged. "I don't know...Bren, honestly...should I be here?"  
Brendan laughed, rubbed her shoulders. "Yeah. Yes. Absolutely."  
"I'm scared. I feel like an idiot."  
"Listen to me, Lena. You love him, it's only natural that you're worried. Just don't let him see it, OK? He needs you to believe in him."  
"I do!"  
"I know that. But he couldn't really give a fuck what anyone here thinks, myself included. Except for you. It's you he looks to. You can't let him down."  
Lena shivered. "OK. I got it, Bren."  
"Tommy's unbeatable."  
"Says the guy who beat him."  
Brendan shook his head. "No. What happened that night wasn't just a physical fight. That was part psychological warfare, part therapy session...I can't explain it. When Tommy and I were kids we used to spar all the time. But that night wasn't just a physical battle, not at all. Not like this. This is just a grist mill. But he won't be ground down. He will break anyone he meets in that cage."  
Lena nodded, trying to let it all sink in, so her brain and body would connect and understand together. She couldn't help her physical reaction, but she hoped her intellect would take over.  
"Bren, I need to eat somethin'." Tommy appeared from behind them, dressed in jeans and a t-shirt. "Let's go see what they have in that break room or whatever the hell it is."  
Lena went into his arms, kissing his neck secretively as she nuzzled in, and they all ventured down the hall, through the throngs of officials and security, fighters and their entourage, all moving in and out of various rooms. Further down Lena could smell food, and her stomach growled loudly.  
"Hey, excuse me!!" A flirty female voice made Brendan turn his head. There were three barely dressed females catching up with him, as Tommy ignored them and guided Lena away. "Isn't that Tommy Conlon?"  
"Uh, yeah." Brendan turned his head and watched Tommy pull Lena down another hallway. "Well, it was."  
"We really want to meet him. Can you help us?"  
Brendan looked at the flood of young flesh and shook his head. "Uh, I don't think so ladies. He usually doesn't like meeting fans."  
One of the girls visibly pouted and Brendan stifled a laugh. "Well, whatever. We'll wait until we catch him out here again."  
Brendan shook his head. "OK, suit yourselves. Sorry." He jogged off to catch up with Lena and Tommy, and found them in the catering area. Raw vegetables and fruit, carb-free items, a shake bar, sushi...J.J. had gone all out. Brendan didn't recall any of this at the first tourney.  
Colt and Tommy were perusing over all the items there while speaking in low tones, while Cal and Lena ate watermelon, washing it down with pink-colored shakes. Matt Biggs came in and pushed right past Brendan without an apology, almost knocking him over. Huge, young, all attitude.  
"Tommy." His voice resounded in the small room. Tommy slowly turned away from Colt, who saw Biggs and immediately looked upset.  
"Matt, you're supposed to be getting ready. You're fighting right after Pena and Dos Santos."  
"Yeah, I know." His thick New York accent was laced with venom. "Just wanted to tell Conlon here that we'll be meeting soon. Real soon."  
Tommy dropped whatever he had in his hands and approached Biggs. They were the same height, and the muscular square off seemed to fill the room.  
"You got somethin' to say to me? Hmm?"  
Biggs smiled sarcastically. "Oh yeah. Your little war tactics ain't gonna work with me, pal. I'm gonna destroy you out there."  
Tommy kept staring in Biggs' eyes, his demeanor calming as Biggs seemed to swell up even more, making Brendan nervous. Tommy was at his most dangerous when he was calm. The fighters were inches away from each other.  
"Save it for the cage, Matt." Colt looked worried too. "C'mon, let's get your hands wrapped up." But Biggs didn't move, just stood his ground, glaring at Tommy. "I said, let's go!"  
Biggs waited a little longer before breaking the staredown and laughing as he walked away, following Cal and Colt out of the room. Tommy was almost too calm, the only thing clenched up were his fists, balled tightly at his sides. Lena slowly approached him, touched his arms and stopped in front of him, looking into his eyes, into his cold dark grey stare.  
"Fuck that guy, Tommy." Her voice was a venomous whisper, and Brendan was right behind her, nodding.  
"I already told you guys. I'm not worried. The harder they try to act the more scared they really are. He's going down just the same."  
"I remember when I was here...the macho posturing wasn't happening then. What the fuck changed?" Brendan shook his head.  
"Don't know. It's all a bunch of pussy shit though. Disrespecting themselves with it." Tommy shook his head and grabbed a chicken breast from a nearby platter. "C'mon, this will work for now."  
As they made their way back out into the busy hallway, the trio of Tommy fans fought to get to them, yelling Tommy's name. Brendan stepped in between them, but the girls were pretty determined.  
"Tommy! Tommy!" One of them pulled her tank top down and her breasts almost fell out. "We want your autograph! Tommy!!"  
"Hell no." Tommy held them off with one stiff arm as he passed, with Lena looking on in horror.  
"Oh my God." Lena felt disgusted. "Speaking of self-respect..."  
"I was gonna warn you..." Brendan shook his head.  
"I'm fuckin' retirin' after this shit." Tommy slammed his dressing room door behind them.  
Tommy kept warm by sparring with Brendan, some light jump rope, more stretching...Lena couldn't figure out how he wasn't wearing down. He hadn't been kidding when he told her he was combat ready. He half-watched the screen as Biggs came out to the sounds of DMX yelling "Fuck Y'all". He was arrogant and over-confident. Brendan quietly cheered as Paddy Monroe, Biggs' opponent, came out in military fatigue-colored gear, with the Marines hymn blaring out over the P.A. Even Tommy stopped jumping rope to watch.  
The first round showed Monroe dominating Biggs, tossing him around and into the cage like common trash. Brendan was cheering pretty loudly by the second round, with Biggs unable to land a punch on the mountainous Monroe. For a man as large as Monroe, he was graceful and fast on his feet, but in the third round Biggs managed to land two solid punches, one to the temple and one to the jaw, and Monroe started to swoon. Brendan got up and walked away, went into the bathroom. Tommy was doing a short-burst workout, a few sit-ups, pull-ups, push-ups. Lena sat and watched Biggs knock Monroe down to the mat and tie him up in a submission hold. She didn't like what she saw as Biggs choked Monroe in the hold, even as the ref pulled him off- clearly Monroe was already unconscious.  
"Vicious bastard." Lena was pissed. "Biggs really is an asshole."  
"Yeah." Brendan was behind her again as she sat on the little couch, and they watched Biggs as he was declared the winner, smiling like the arrogant cock he was. Brendan patted her shoulder. "Don't worry, Tommy will knock him down to size."  
"So that's who Tommy is fighting next?"  
"No. It's Mad Dog, and then if Biggs beats the next fighter, either Bronson or White, then he'll be matched up with Tommy."  
"Ugh." Lena shifted uncomfortably. Suddenly there was a knock at the door.  
"Twenty minutes, Conlon!" Came a voice from the other side.  
"Fuck," Brendan sighed softly. Tommy was on his feet behind them, grabbing his handwraps and gloves.  
"C'mon Bren. Help me out here."

Mad Dog came down the tunnel first, and it gave Lena time to get back to her seat. She was surprised to find J.J. Riley sitting in it, smiling at her. Mad Dog was at the gate of the cage, getting checked over, and he kept stealing glances at Lena as she approached her seat. J.J. shook her hand and sat down beside her, clearly in a terrific mood.  
"Is Tommy ready for this?" His voice was barely audible in the roar.  
"Yeah, yes!" Lena laughed. She looked nervously over at the cage, where Mad Dog was pacing, jogging in place, bouncing on the balls of his feet. He was ready to pounce.  
"Good, because I want this win." J.J. stood up, taking Lena's hand and pulling her up with him, just as Tommy's walk-out song came on and the crowd went feral, roaring and cheering, stomping their feet. The crowd was uncontainable, security was having a hell of a time keeping the path clear so Tommy and Brendan could make their way to the octagon. J.J. approached Tommy and Brendan as they neared the cage and shook both their hands, visibly wishing Tommy well. Mad Dog glared from inside the cage, pissed at the obvious favoritism.  
Tommy was inspected and cleared, and entered the cage, even as Nas rapped "I'm unbeatable, y'all!" The announcer stood in the center of the octagon with the ref, patiently waiting for the crowd to simmer down so he could do his job. After almost a full minute he realized it wasn't going to happen, so he began his announcement anyway.  
"Ladies and gentlemen...this is the second round for both fighters...the winner will proceed to the next fight, and the winner of that fight will be in the final. In this corner, wearing blue, weighing 185 pounds, from Harrisburg, Pennsylvania.....ERIC...MAD DOG...GRIIIIIMES!!!"  
The crowd announced its displeasure, booing and hissing. Mad Dog waved his arms around, seemingly uncaring that he was strongly disliked. If she weren't so biased, Lena would have felt bad for him.  
"And in this corner, wearing black, weighing 185 pounds, from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania...TOMMY...CONLONNNN!!!"  
Lena clapped her hands to her ears- they were throbbing. The crowd was frothing. A group of men behind her to her left had started a chant- "HOORAH!!!" and when she turned to look at them, she saw the Marine uniforms. J.J. waved at them, and they wildly waved back.  
No one was sitting for this fight. Mad Dog couldn't wait to get to Tommy- when the ref told them to come out fighting he had to get out of the way in a hurry. Mad Dog threw some wild punches and landed a flying kick in a matter of seconds, almost knocking Tommy off his feet. Tommy quickly recovered and came towards Mad Dog with his chin down and his gloves up. Mad Dog was foolish enough to try another kick and Tommy immediately checked it, sending Mad Dog away with a limp. The crowd cheered as Tommy closed in on his opponent. He was moving in for the kill and Mad Dog sensed it, jumping away and bouncing in a complete circle around Tommy. She could see their mouths moving, it was obvious some words were being exchanged, but there was no way anyone except maybe the ref could hear it.  
Tommy jabbed a few times, feinting to the right. Mad Dog was watching for the arm bar. He tagged Tommy in the face, one hit. Tommy smiled and came after him, suddenly relentless with a flurry of punches. Lena watched as many of them connected, and Mad Dog broke with a kick to Tommy's chest. Then Lena saw something she had never seen before- Tommy leaped on one foot, stepped on Mad Dog's thigh with the other, and then kicked Mad Dog so hard in the head he spun out. Tommy landed on his feet as the crowd went insane, and he fell to his knees to straddle Mad Dog's torso, raining hellfire on him, punching so hard Lena could hear him almost yelling with rage. The ref got inside and broke it up. Mad Dog was out, bloody and unconscious. The crowd was chanting Tommy's name.  
"The winner...by technical knockout...TOMMY...CONLONNNNNN!!!!"  
J.J. was speechless. Even Brendan looked at Tommy in amazement as he stood with him in the octagon. He had been watching Tommy, training with him, but had never seen him pull a move like that before.  
Tommy was tearing out of the arena, Brendan hot on his heels. Lena was shook, having to remind her feet to move to catch up with Tommy and Brendan, with J.J. following behind her, through the foaming throng trying to break through the barriers to get to Tommy, cheering him and screaming his name.  
"Oh my God, oh my God, get the fuck off me!" Lena was besieged by a fan, who grabbed her arm and wouldn't let go, and started pulling at her shoulder, tearing the strap of her dress. Brendan somehow heard her cry for help and turned around, swiftly assessing the situation and chopping at the guy's arm until he let go. Brendan wrapped her in his arms and practically carried her out of there. Tommy was almost to the tunnel, and he looked back to see Brendan holding Lena to him.  
"Who touched her?!?" Without knowing what had happened Tommy zigzagged back to get Lena in his arms. "Baby I'm so sorry."  
Security was everywhere now, and J.J. was whisked away. Brendan and Tommy made it back to the tunnel, and Lena collapsed in his arms, prompting him to sweep her legs up and carry her into their dressing room.  
When she woke up Tommy was still holding her. Things were much quieter now, and Brendan, who was knelt down in front of her, had orange juice in a cup.  
"Lena, you OK? You need this?" Brendan looked worried as he offered her the straw. Tommy touched her face, making her look up at him. She realized he still had his gloves on, and the sweat from his skin and his shorts were soaking her dress. His eyes blazed bright aquamarine in his swollen face. He had taken a few hits tonight, and it was starting to show.  
"Baby..." Tommy had tears in his eyes. "You gonna make it?"  
Lena smiled. Her arm hurt, she felt pretty dizzy, but the worst was the embarrassment she felt.  
"I'm OK, Tommy."  
"If I find out who grabbed you-"  
"He's already been kicked out of the arena. Security made sure of it." Brendan looked pissed all over again. Tommy was lethal silence.  
"You ain't goin' through that way anymore, OK? It's too crazy. You sure you're alright?"  
"Yeah. What happened to J.J.? He was right behind me..."  
"Yeah that was really crazy of him. He should've gone another way. Security got him out of there. Speaking of which, we need to get the hell out of here, we're done for the night. "Brendan handed Lena a cold rag that seemed to come out of nowhere. She tried sitting, having to grab at the fabric of her dress as it slipped down.  
"Well you can't go out there like that." Tommy looked down at his hands, and as if he just realized it he started yanking at his gloves and wraps. "I might have something you can borrow-"  
"I can go ask the staff if they can get us some clothes. They got all kinds of Sparta shit everywhere, there's bound to be something she can use." Brendan was already out the door.  
Tommy sat, shaking his head as he stared at her bare flesh, her shoulder and the curve of her partially exposed breast.  
"Damn girl." He touched her skin with his bare hands. "You really scared me."  
Lena leaned into him and kissed him, his swollen lips warm on hers. She didn't stop it as her dress slipped down and Tommy's hand dipped inside, cupping her breast to gently put the squeeze on it. His breath was hot on her face as their kiss intensified. His sweat and maybe some tears dripped on her skin as he chewed on her jaw, down to her neck, making her growl. His swollen fingers pinched her nipple hard enough to make her cry out softly.  
"Mmm, I want you..." His low gravelly voice made her shudder, and her hands were on his back now, pushing him closer to her, his bare chest crushing her, his arms wrapping tightly around her. His mouth met hers again, his eyes hooded and his throat vibrating a growl back at her.  
"Hey hey..." Brendan was back. "Get it together, c'mon guys." He tossed a bright red Sparta shirt and a pair of black sweats at her, immediately clearing out again, muttering something about grabbing some food.  
Lena turned back to look into Tommy's smiling face. "I can't wait for tomorrow...you and I celebrating your win in our room..." She giggled as Tommy's eyebrows went up.  
"That's right. My win."  
"Tommy...you're incredible. I can't get over what you did tonight."  
He shrugged, holding out the clothes as she stood up to put them on, his eyes all over her body. "It's no big deal. Flying kick. He never saw it comin'."  
"He never had a chance." Lena slipped the shirt over her head and Tommy was right there, kissing her face as she surfaced again.  
"He shoulda stayed home." He stepped back, and she slipped her heels back on again, feeling very silly in them. He went to the back to grab his bags and change into something dry and clean. Brendan came back with a protein shake for Tommy and some strawberries for Lena.  
"You guys ready? Let's get the fuck outta here."  
Back at their suite. Brendan called home and Lena smiled to herself listening to him talk to his little ones. Tommy was in the shower, a nice long hot one. She wanted to sneak in and mess with him but she decided against it- tomorrow night, Tommy would win the next and final fight, and he would be all hers.  
A loud knock on the door broke her out of her reverie, and she opened the door to hotel staff holding a bouquet of flowers and a card. Brendan was still on the phone, and he looked at her, mouthing 'what the fuck?'  
Lena shrugged, opening the unmarked card. Something that looked like a credit card fell out, and Brendan picked it up, inspecting it. It was from J.J. Riley.  
"Hey guys, sorry about the incident out there. Hope everyone's OK. I wanted to replace Lena's dress, but I have no idea what size she is, so I included a gift card for the store in the shops here at the Bay. Yours, J.J."  
Tommy was out of the shower, looking at the flowers. "Who sent 'em?"  
"J.J. did. He's replacing my dress." Lena held up the gift card, and that's when she noticed the amount written in gold ink on the back- $500. "What?!?"she exclaimed.  
"What do you mean, what?" Tommy came towards her, noticing her face turning white.  
"This is crazy." She handed him the card to let him see for himself. Brendan was already back in his room, talking to Tess. Tommy handed her back the cards and went into his room, taking the phone off the charger. Lena set the flowers down on the coffee table and listened to Tommy's voice as he spoke on the phone.  
"Yeah J.J....we got the flowers and card, yeah...listen man, you really didn't have to do that...yeah but you're not responsible at all...I really appreciate it, so does Lena, but...I know, and I, I mean we, really appreciate it...OK...yeah thanks...not really a win, there was no competition there...I just train, that's it, sometimes I fight." Tommy laughed, coming back into the living room, looking for Lena. He found her staring at the card again, a look of total disbelief on her face. "OK, here she is." He handed the phone to Lena, who took it apprehensively.  
"Hey J.J.! Thank you so much for the card-"  
"Yeah you should never have had to go through that. I am really sorry. I was right behind you, too. Needless to say that guy will never be able to attend a Sparta event, no matter where it's held. So, you should go shopping tomorrow! Tommy and I can get some lunch. Sounds good?"  
"Uh, sure." It was hard to argue with him, he had the authority of an aggressive cop.  
"Great! I'll see the both of ya tomorrow, around noon. OK?"  
"OK. Thanks a lot, J.J." Lena heard the disconnect sound on the other line and she handed Tommy back his phone. "Sounds like you have a lunch date tomorrow."  
Tommy sighed heavily. "Yeah..." He looked up at her. There was a bruise forming on his slightly swollen cheek, and his lips looked a little fuller than usual.  
"Damn, Tommy..." She touched his face, inching closer to him. Tommy unexpectedly grabbed her and threw her on the bed with himself on top of her, carefully so as not to hurt her or their unborn baby. Her legs went up and snaked around him- his towel was falling off and she could feel him hard and full against her. His mouth was all over her, and she was lost in a warm haze of his scent and hot passion, crying his name softly, wanting him so very badly. Tommy was groaning himself, knowing he wouldn't go all the way through with it but dying for it all the same. His hand worked into her sweats and she gasped as he slid his fingers inside her, aggressive and urgent. Lena had her nails in his skin before she could stop herself, and he cried out softly, not in pain, but from frustration. She looked into his eyes and saw the frustration there, the need so flush in his expression. She keened high in her throat and his eyes squeezed shut- he was getting too close to breaking his rule, he could see himself fucking her with the damn sweatpants half off. He had to break away.  
Lena was left on her back, breathless, as Tommy sat up on the edge of the bed, naked and insanely worked up. "Who wrote this goddamn rule about no sex before a fight?"  
Tommy was quiet for a little bit, as he was still trying to get a grip. "It doesn't weaken the fighter physically...just mentally. S'why Ali abstained for six weeks before a fight. Fulfillment comes in the octagon, not in bed." He stood, finding his towel, although it did no good as his erection made it impossible to wrap it around his hips. "After tomorrow night, you're all mine."  
Lena sighed in exasperation, watching him clear out of the room, leaving her to cool down alone.


	78. Company of Wolves

"OK guys...I am ready for some food!" Brendan was shouting from his bedroom doorway, looking out to the living room and not seeing anyone. "Guys?"  
Lena got up, still sweating and trembling a little too. "I'm here, Bren. I think Tommy's in the shower." Probably a cold one, she thought.  
"Shower again? Huh." Brendan winked at her. He knew the drill. "Man, I really feel like a steak. Whaddya think, Lena? You hungry?"  
"Yeah, I could eat." She looked down at her Sparta sweats and shirt. "Let me change first..."  
"Yeah sure. Tell Bruiser in there to get out and get some clothes on, before I starve to death."  
Lena laughed and Brendan winked again, going back into his room to change too. Tommy came out of the shower visibly shivering. Lena went to touch him and could sense his icy skin before she ever made contact.  
"Oh baby."  
"Mmm," was all he could manage, his breaths short and broken. He quickly got dressed, and Lena followed suit.  
"Brendan wants a steak."  
Tommy nodded through a shudder. He danced into his jeans, pulled his socks on quickly, black Colt's Gym tee sliding over his torso, hiding her lovely view. "Hungry." His one word growl was sufficient.  
Lena was dressed in deep blue jeans that hugged her curves, and a black Batman tee. Tommy came up behind her and scooped her up in his arms, crushing her little frame against his massive bare chest. His skin was hot now, perhaps an overcompensation to the extreme cold of the shower.  
"I needed the cold...reduces inflammation."He kissed her once, brief and hard. "Muscle inflammation. Dick inflammation." He grinned now, looking into her eyes. "You're drivin' me crazy."  
She smiled, cupping his face- not anywhere near as swollen as before. "I can't wait to have you."  
"Hey! C'mon, let's go!" Brendan was impatiently waiting on them, and he was not being quiet about it.  
"Yeah. Just wait. All this pent-up aggression..."  
"I wouldn't say it's very pent-up. You're beating the shit out of people, that has to be helping. I hope."  
Tommy let her go with a evil little laugh. "I'm not so sure. You'll find out tomorrow night."  
The hungry trio wandered out into the late Las Vegas night, on foot and on a mission. They found the House of Blues near the resort, open late and promising Brendan his juicy steak. A loud dirty blues band was playing, and it was glorious to Lena's ears- something other than screaming.  
"More your speed, Lena?" Brendan smiled over the menu at her.  
"Yeah, there's no maniac trying to tear my clothes off," she laughed, making both brothers snicker.  
"I wouldn't necessarily say that," Tommy said, staring at her so hard her chest heaved.  
"Oh great, a waiter, thank God." Brendan already knew what he wanted, but Lena was overwhelmed by the choices. Brendan ordered the New York strip with all the trimmings and a top shelf Long Island Iced Tea to go with it. Tommy ordered his usual chicken and vegetables, and Lena finally decided on blackened salmon on a bed of wild rice, and a large glass of white wine.  
"Amazing." Brendan smiled his brother as the waiter walked away. "You are a work of art. I was totally blown away tonight."  
"Eh." Tommy shrugged, avoiding eye contact. He didn't accept compliments well- his nervous jumpy movements plainly relayed it.  
"I think you've made history. Again." Lena kissed his cheek, her hand rubbing his thigh under the table- her attempt at calming him.  
Tommy rubbed his face, scratched his head, looked all around. "So, uh...you comin' with me to that lunch thing with J.J.?"  
Brendan shook his head. "Uh, I don't know. Do you want me to go?"  
"Yeah. Well...I mean maybe. If you wanna."  
"Well, he didn't invite me, maybe he wants just you there."  
"Hmm." Tommy looked around at the crowd. "Yeah, maybe you're right."  
Brendan shrugged. "I'll be there if you want. No problem. Either that or I can go shopping with Lena, model some dresses for her..."  
Lena laughed out loud at the thought. "Yeah, there we go. Get us kicked out for life."  
Brendan was grinning jovially. "Hey, they can't tell me how to live my life. I like ruffles and pink frilly shit."  
Tommy finally looked at his brother, his expression still blank. "Hey, remember that time you and that jerk-off friend of yours dressed in drag for some bullshit thing at school?"  
Brendan laughed. "It wasn't drag, Tommy, it was the school Halloween party. Me and Bobby Healy dressed up in 80s glam-"  
"Drag," Tommy deadpanned.  
"-yeah, OK, drag. David Bowie was still cool back then! Don't laugh, we took first place in the contest that night."  
"Those are some pictures I would love to see," Lena laughed.  
"Ohh no. Those are in the vault. Locked away for an eternity."  
"Maybe I can connive Tess a little and get into the family photo albums."  
Tommy shook his head, his eyes everywhere again, his restlessness oozing out of his pores. "Not much of me in there."  
"Yeah there is, Tom. Yes there is." Brendan's voice was soft as he regarded his brother, who seemed to ignore his comment.  
Dinner was uncomfortable at best, with Tommy crawling out of his skin the entire time. When he got up to use the restroom, Lena caught Brendan's eyes- he could see her pained expression full of concern.  
"Hey, Lena. Don't worry." He patted her hand. "He's just feeling the pressure. It's normal."  
"I don't know, Bren. Is there anything I can do to help him?"  
"Just keep strong. He needs you more than you think."  
Lena nodded as she watched Tommy make his way back to the table. Someone came towards him with a pen and a napkin for an autograph, but Tommy didn't see or hear them, his stare was fixed on Lena.  
"Can we get out of here?" Tommy held his hand out to Lena, pulling her to her feet.  
"Yeah sure, just waiting on my card to come back." Brendan kept an eye out for the waiter, while Tommy sat back down with Lena perched on his lap. It wasn't a long wait before they were heading back to the resort, where Brendan was talking about doing some gambling, enticing Lena to join him, pointing to the various gambling areas just in the plaza of the resort.  
"C'mon Lena," he said, his eyes twinkling. "You know you wanna hit those slots."  
Lena laughed. "Bren, I have never really wanted to gamble."  
Tommy, who had remained tight-lipped, finally spoke. "Y'should go."  
Lena looked up at him, a little taken aback. "But-"  
"How many times are you plannin' on going to Vegas in your life? You should go check it out with Brendan, keep him out of trouble." Tommy repeatedly hit the button for the elevator. He could see people approaching him from several directions at once, and they looked like excited fans. He was going to have an anxiety attack.  
"Tommy, are you OK?" She got a little closer to him and noticed the sweat beading all over his face, his pupils pinpoints of panic.  
"Nope." Finally the elevator opened, right on time as the fans started to cluster around the trio. Tommy pounded the door-close button as the fans stopped just short of coming in the elevator, loudly begging or just plain demanding an autograph. The doors closed and the fans booed.  
"Wow. You're hot shit." Brendan tried to make a joke out of it, but it was obvious Tommy wasn't feeling very well.  
"Just need to get upstairs. Don't want to talk to people." Tommy watched the numbers change on the elevator display as they rose to the 30th floor. Sweat was dripping off his face, and Lena put her hands on his back, trying to calm him. He shrugged her hands off, shaking his head 'no'. His eyes pleaded with her to understand. Lena nodded and kept her hands to herself. Once inside the room, Tommy locked himself in the bathroom for a while- Lena could hear pill bottles shaking and then the shower running again. She waited a little while before she used her nail file and jimmied the lock open. She decided that fifteen minutes was long enough.  
Tommy was shocked when she poked her head through the curtain. "The fuck?!"  
"Needed to make sure you're OK."  
"Brendan get you in here?" Soap was running down from his hair along his neck- she watched it slide down his chest and lower, and her cheeks burned with heat.  
Lena smiled. "Nope. I did it myself. As long as you're OK, just needed to check."  
"Yeah. I'm OK." But Tommy's eyes told the truth. "Go with Bren. Have fun."  
"Tommy, no, I-"  
"I want you to. Go."  
"What are you going to do while we're gone?"  
"Don't know. Try to sleep." He threw his head back into the shower spray, closing his eyes tight. More soap running down his skin. A heartbeat started in her sex. "G'bye, I love ya, have fun."  
Lena stood there for a moment later, watching the glory that was Tommy, unsure of what to do.  
"I said g'bye!" He hadn't even opened his eyes. Lena rushed out in a hurry.  
Brendan was sitting in the living room, watching the Sparta recaps. Soares, Castanho, and Biggs had all made it to the last fight of the semi-finals. Tommy's first fight tomorrow night would be Biggs, while Castanho and Soares would fight it out separately. The winners of those two fights would be in the final fight for the $5 million dollar prize.  
Brendan was nervously rubbing his hands together watching the other fighters. All three were seasoned, different fighting styles but effective all the same. Lena sat down beside him as the score cards flashed on the screen. Tommy was in the top three.  
"Are you worried?" Lena asked.  
"No. Yeah. I dunno." Brendan wouldn't look at her. "These guys aren't experienced like Tommy. I mean they have fights under their belt, but...not like Tom." Brendan slid his eyes sideways to look at her, half-smiling. "He's in a class by himself."  
Lena sat silently beside him, wondering what tomorrow would bring. Brendan patted her knee and stood up.  
"C'mon, I feel like blowin' some money."  
After checking on Tommy one more time, kissing him as he got out of the shower, Lena followed Brendan downstairs, through a throng of fans that didn't recognize them, out onto the street.  
"Where are we goin', Bren?"  
"Luxor." Brendan winked at her. "Closest I will probably ever get to a real pyramid."  
They played slots, craps, a little blackjack. Brendan was drinking whisky sours while Lena nursed a Shirley Temple. He was feeling ballsy as he guided her into the poker area. Lena looked askance at him, but he was feeling pretty confident.  
"You gonna sit with me on this one?" Brendan spoke in a quiet voice as he watched a table. A big man in an ill-fitting suit stood up, throwing his cards down.  
"I've had it. This cocksucker is cheating!"  
The table immediately was flanked by security. The enraged portly gambler was not sitting back down. The pit boss showed up and finally got him calmed down, and escorted him away. The empty chair was too hard to resist, and Brendan took it. Lena stood off to the side, unsure of what to do.  
"Frank?" Brendan grinned, seeing his old trainer sitting there with his stack of chips.  
"Hey. Bren. Listen, you don't wanna be here. I'm on fire, pal!" Frank looked Lena over. "You gonna make her just stand there and watch?"  
Lena opened her mouth to smart off, and she found herself being escorted to a chair as the floor staff pulled it up behind Brendan.  
"Would the lady like to sit?" A very attractive member of the staff had his hand extended to the seat. "Maybe something to drink?"  
Lena blushed and smiled as Brendan winked at her. "You don't have to stay, Lee."  
She sat down, looking right into Frank's amber eyes. "No. I'd like to see you take that big stack of chips Frank has there, Brendan. I think I'll hang out." She winked back at Brendan. "That's cool with you?"  
"Yeah. Sure." Brendan smiled like a goof and looked back at Frank, who was looking a little irritated. "Whaddya think, Coach? Think I can take ya?"  
Brendan gave the dealer a wad of cash, who handed it over to a runner. Frank laughed mirthlessly.  
"No way. You came to the wrong table. I'm gonna clean you out, send you running home to Tess with an empty wallet, bro. You really should rethink this..."  
"Oh gimme a break." Lena waved her hand at Frank. "Brendan, don't let him get away with that shit talking."  
Brendan giggled. Frank rolled his eyes.  
"Bren, you need to watch how much she drinks, really. Ridiculous."  
Lena was heated instantly, and fought to hold her tongue. Brendan just giggled some more and was dealt in as he added his chips to the pot.  
"You need to check your ego," she muttered.  
"'Scuse me?"Frank looked at her pointedly. "If you don't mind, we got a game to play."  
Lena raised her hands, feigning mock surprise. "Excuse me, so sorry."  
He cocked his thumb at her, looking at the dealer. "She really gets to sit back there?" The dealer nodded his head 'yes'. "Fuck me," he sighed. Lena chuckled privately to herself as Brendan laughed out loud, clapping Frank on the back. She was handed a cold glass of fruity pink wine, and when she asked who it was from, the waitress pointed to one of the slot machines in the distance- it looked like Cal, but she couldn't be sure. As much as she wanted to get up and check it out, she felt like she'd make Frank happy by leaving, and she definitely didn't want to do that.  
"Please tell him thank you for me, and please ask him to join me when he can." Lena smiled at the young lady and handed her a ten dollar chip.  
Brendan lost the first hand, and the second. He was drinking Long Island iced teas and having a good time. Lena could see Frank honing in on him, expecting an easy win. Sometime during the third hand, Frank leaned over in his seat and winked at Lena.  
"Are you watching, sweetheart?" His rough voice softly taunted her. Brendan didn't hear it as he was asking the dealer for three cards. The table got silent when it was time for the flop, and Brendan showed four of kind, beating out Frank's full house. Brendan cleared the table of chips with a sly smile. Frank dismissed it with bravado, stealing a sideways glance at Lena's blank expression.  
Three more hands later and Brendan was still winning. Frank's tower of chips was shrinking as the table kept drinking and the bets were getting bigger. Frank was getting a little nervous.  
Another two hands, and Brendan won when everyone else folded. He laughed as he showed two of a kind, kings. Frank slammed his hand on the table in exasperation- he would have beat Brendan with his pair of aces.  
"OK, you got me. You got me, you bluffin' son of a bitch."  
"Hey, hey...come on, act like a winner. Anything else is beneath you." Brendan swept the table again. The tower of chips by both the men looked about even to Lena. She was smiling satisfactorily to herself, finishing her glass of wine, when Colt and Cal walked up on her, crowding her chair.  
"Hey, ain't you out past your bedtime, chick?" Cal pretended to tip her chair a little, and Lena stood up to give both of the guys big hugs.  
"You jerks! Thanks for the wine."  
Cal looked at her incredulously. "What wine? I didn't send it...Uncle?"  
Colt shook his head. "Nah, not me."  
Lena looked at them. "C'mon. Who did it?"  
Both the guys shrugged. "Don't know."  
"Oh c'mon. Quit playing. Who knows I drink white wine?"  
Frank and Brendan were both turned in their chair and watching as a large figure approached the table. Matt Biggs stood near Lena and smiled down at her.  
"I guessed." His lascivious smirk made her wince.  
"Man, what you doin' down here?" Colt was pissed.  
"I couldn't sleep." Matt shrugged at Colt, then fixed his eyes back on Lena. "I was thinkin' about Tommy's girl here...felt a little restless. What do you know, she came to the Luxor too."  
Frank was watching the exchange with mild amusement as Brendan got out of his seat.  
"I think you need to step the fuck off."  
Biggs rounded on Brendan. "And what are you gonna do about it, little man?"  
"Hey, Matt. Do me a favor and shut your mouth." Cal stepped sideways in between Brendan and Biggs. "Not here, not now, and not with m family."  
"Family huh? Pathetic. I'm pretty sure I can take care of this whole situation." Biggs nudged Brendan's shoulder, making him rock back just a little. "You go back and lose your ass to little Frankie over there, and lemme take this little lady with me. I can show her a better time than you assholes."  
"Biggs, get the fuck outta here now and I might not tell Tommy you were here at all." Brendan rushed forward, blood in his eyes and hammers for fists. Cal held him back.  
"Oh sure, run tell your little brother. Like I give a fuck. C'mon, you're comin' with me-" Biggs put his meaty hand on Lena's shoulder and she snapped it around backwards until he almost screamed.  
"Don't you put your fuckin' hands on me again, you dick," Lena growled. Colt removed her deathgrip on Biggs' wrist. Frank was still sitting at the table, laughing out loud, saying something like "what a stupid motherfucker!"  
"You bitch!" Biggs rubbed his wrist. "I can't use this wrist tomorrow, it's on you! It's on you!" Colt was leading him away, more like shoving him out. Cal put his hands on Lena's shoulders.  
"Jesus Christ. Are you OK?"  
"You need to put your dog on a leash." She said it loud enough that Biggs heard her.  
"Fuck you!" Biggs yelled. Lena flipped him off as he moved out of sight from her, his eyes wild with rage. Security approached her, asking if she was alright, if she knew him, if she wanted to press charges.  
"No, my husband is going to pulverize him tomorrow night."  
Cal had to explain the situation to the staff as Brendan rubbed Lena's arms. She was quivering, both with rage and shock. Once security established that the present parties weren't going to try to kill each other in any way, they left, but stayed close enough to the table in case something else happened.  
Frank urged Brendan to sit back down. "We're not done, you and me."  
"C'mon, Lena. Let's find Tommy-" Cal looked around the floor.  
"He's not here, Cal. It's just me and Bren."  
"You wanna go back to the Bay? I'm goin'. Wanna walk with me? Let Brendan kick Frank's ass over here."  
"I don't really feel like playin' anymore-" Brendan's face was still bright red, sweat beaded in his skin.  
"Oh no you don't. I'm winnin' all my chips back, Brendan." Frank shook his head at the trio. "By the way...nicely done, Lena. I hope Tommy beats his face in."  
Lena nodded. "Thanks." She looked up at Cal. "Yeah, let's go. You stay, Bren. You still need the rest of Frank's chips." She smiled at Frank, who rolled his eyes and waved his hands.  
"Why's he gotta take all my chips, Lena? What did I do to you?"  
"I dunno, Frank...maybe you just need to be knocked down a few pegs." She laughed teasingly, and Frank just shook his head at her with a smile.  
"You're just fuckin' mean." He stuck his hand out. "C'mon. Truce?"  
Lena looked at him carefully. "OK. Truce." She shook his hand and half- hugged him. Brendan gave her a long hug, whispering in her ear about being back in about an hour. She took Cal's hand and followed him out of the casino onto the street.  
"What the fuck was that about?" Cal shook his head. "I really think he's fuckin' crazy."  
"No, really?" Lena shook her head. "You've been training him, how do you not know he's a loose cannon?"  
"He wasn't like this...not at all. I swear." Cal looked down into Lena's incredulous expression. "He was serious and calm all during training."  
"Do you think he's on something?"  
"No...fuck, I don't know. He's been getting weirder and more aggressive since we got here."  
Lena shook her head. "If I tell Tommy, he might find him and kill him. I don't tell him and he finds out, he'll be just as pissed...I don't know what to do."  
"Well, don't say anything unless Brendan's there to help keep him from doing anything crazy. I don't know what you should do. Probably better tell him."  
"Yeah."  
"Just...wait til Bren's back, OK? Meanwhile I'll get Colt ready."  
"You don't sound too upset about Biggs getting killed."  
Cal smiled as they entered the Bay. "Nope. He put his hands on you, he went waaaaay too far."  
Cal made sure Lena got back in the suite, and gave her a big hug.  
"Try and get some rest, OK? You've had enough excitement today. Love ya." Cal exited quickly, as if Tommy were going to find him there and that was not something he wanted at all.  
Lena looked around the suite, shivering slightly from the ice cold A/C blowing through the vents. She wanted to get in bed with Tommy, but her heart was still pounding in her chest, and the slick film of nervous sweat still covered her skin. She decided to have a cold glass of water and sit on the couch, flip around on the TV, until she stopped thinking about Biggs' nasty leer, or his fat nasty hands on her.  
"Ugh," she shuddered, flipping until she found a station with a show on called "Baby Story". It was a badly produced reality show with pregnant women discussing their feelings. Lena watched it until the birthing part started- as soon as the screaming and pushing began, she shut the TV off. Her unease was not much better. She needed some Tommy in her life.  
The bedroom was cool and quiet. She crept into the room, stripping her clothes off. Tommy's even breathing was the only sound in the room. She slipped into bed, finding him warm and toasty, half-naked and smelling like soap and musk. He was awake enough to sense her near and take her in his arms, purring like a big cat. She nuzzled his neck, pressing her body completely against his, and she could feel parts of him waking up even as he drifted in a haze of sleep.  
"Oh Tommy," she whispered, kissing his sleepy face.  
"Mmmph," he responded. His hips arced forward, pushing his hardening cock against her, and she felt the soft hot skin of his erect shaft against her thigh and belly. Her heart caught in her throat and her fingertips pressed into the skin of his back- she wanted him so badly it made her die a little inside. She stifled a little cry and his mouth was on her throat, kissing and nuzzling.  
"Oh my God,"she whispered. She ran her fingers into his hair and he was lazily rolling over on top of her,his mouth open and kissing up her neck, her jaw, to her mouth. She wrapped her legs around his waist and he rocked against her, his cock pushing into her groin, and a deep growl escaped his chest as he had handfuls of her breasts, grinding himself against her, his tongue filling her mouth. 'How is it going to stop now?' she wondered, her need for him wilding inside her belly. Tommy moaned loudly, rushing her with his passion, grabbing her leg and squeezing her thigh.  
"Baby..." he whispered, his heart thundering in his chest. "I don't wanna stop..."  
"But we have to...right?"  
Tommy sighed, resting his forehead against hers. His body had gone completely still. She could feel the change coming over him. "Yeah. I made the commitment, I need to stick to it. But why you gotta be so damn sexy?"  
"Me?! It's you..." She caressed his back, her hands sliding down to his buttocks that she gently squeezed. "Damn Tommy...just win for me so I can lick you from head to toe."  
Tommy growled, his hips sliding against hers. "Oh no...you're my prize, my win...I'll be doin' all the work."  
"No baby...you deserve to be worshipped and I can't wait to give you everything you desire."  
He spurned her comment with a mirthless laugh. "No worshipping. Please."  
"I meant...you've worked so hard to get to this point. I know there's more in store for you but you won't have to fight so hard after this."  
"I don't know what I'd do if I didn't push hard anymore."  
"Maybe you can try it out."  
Just then, there was a loud commotion in the suite, and Brendan and Frank were coming through the door. Lena could tell they had had one too many.  
"What the fuck..."Tommy was on his feet and snapping on a light. Lena sat up and stared at his perfect physique, unable to think clearly for a moment. She randomly thought she should never take him for granted, not in any way.  
"Brendan was drinking Long Islands and gambling with Frank."  
Tommy rolled his eyes at her, then grabbed a pair of shorts off his nightstand.  
"You didn't wanna stick around, huh?" He winked at her and she looked away. "What?"  
Lena shook her head. She wasn't ready to tell him anything. Before he could ask her what was wrong, they were both startled by a loud knock on the door.  
"Tommy?" Brendan was on the other side, and Frank was there too, laughing softly.  
"C'mon, Brendan! Leave him alone, he needs to rest!"  
Tommy swung the door open and Brendan almost fell in. "Tommy, Tommy...I need to talk to you."  
"What is it, Bren?" Tommy held his brother upright and they walked into the living room area of the suite. Brendan flopped down on the couch and Tommy stood there in his shorts, arms crossed. Frank looked wary and about ready to bolt, but he knew he needed to stay.  
"OK...so, Lena and I went to the Luxor and spent a little money. Then we got in to the poker room and ran into Frank. We weren't there long, when someone sent Lena a glass of wine. We saw Colt and Cal, but they said they didn't send it over." Brendan looked like he was going to cry or throw up, Lena wasn't sure which.  
"So...?" Tommy was bristling with energy as he stood stock still, his hard body shining in the Vegas nighttime sun- the lights were so bright through the windows there was no need for more a lamp.  
"And Biggs came up, said he bought the wine, and was taking Lena with him." Frank shook his head. "Brendan and Cal stopped him."  
Tommy didn't speak for a moment. He took in a deep breath.  
"What do you mean, stopped him?"  
Lena had been resting in the doorway of the bedroom. "He tried to grab me, like he was going to pull me along. I twisted his hand back and he cried like a baby about it."  
Tommy stared at Brendan for a moment, then he stared at Frank. Then he turned towards Lena and stared at her.  
"And you were gonna tell me about this, when?"  
"I didn't want to tell you without someone else here. I couldn't stop you from doing anything on my own." Lena sat beside Brendan on the couch and hung her head in defeat.  
"You're right. But neither could these two."  
Brendan stood up and wobbled like a dashboard hula girl. "Hey, Tommy. I wanted to tell you myself."  
"Well, Brendan, I'm glad she can take care of herself. You sure the fuck can't."  
Frank got a little closer to Tommy. He wasn't afraid of him, but he was on guard. He had seen Tommy in action way too many times, and he would never underestimate him.  
"Tommy. Look. Brendan and Cal were already on defense, Biggs just reached for her-"  
"Yeah, OK. I got it, Frank, thanks."  
"Look at me, Tommy." Frank was half a foot shorter than Tommy but he was closing in on him anyway. "Everyone did what they should have."  
"Someone should have knocked him the fuck out!" Tommy turned as if to hit Frank but smashed a picture on the wall instead. "You don't get it, do you? If I find Biggs now I'll be disqualified. Which makes me a pussy. And I don't like that."  
"You're not a pussy, Tommy-" Brendan wavered in front of Tommy, wanting to get in between him and Frank.  
"When we get in the octagon...I'm gonna fuckin' kill him."  
Frank and Brendan immediately tried to dissuade him, but Lena knew Tommy was a man of his word.  
"Tommy...don't do anything crazy. Please. If you do something bad...you'll get disqualified."  
"Brendan...don't talk to me anymore right now, OK? I don't want to hear another word about it." He turned to look at Frank. "Don't you got a room of your own or somethin'?" The two men stared hard at each other for a moment, and then Frank finally turned on his heel and stormed out, slamming the door behind him.  
Tommy stared at the suite door for a moment, and Lena knew he was thinking about going through it to find Biggs. He took in another deep breath and looked at Lena, curled in a little ball next to Brendan's drunken frame flopped beside her.  
"Bren..."  
"Yeah?"  
"You have all the paperwork somewhere?"  
"Paperwork...you mean the contract and stuff? Or what?"  
"Yeah. The Sparta contract. I need it."  
Brendan opened his eyes wide and tried to focus. "Yeah. OK." He stood carefully and loped off to his room. Tommy stood in the middle of the living room, perfectly still even as his very aura bristled with danger. He looked at Lena intently, not saying a word. She couldn't read his expression and she wasn't going to try.  
Brendan came back into the room and handed Tommy a stack of papers, and looked at his brother. He tried not to wither under Tommy's scornful gaze but it was difficult. Lena felt terrible for him- he had done nothing wrong. Brendan turned and briefly waved at Lena, heading back into his room and closing the door behind him. Lena felt her own anger welling up inside her as Tommy sat at a little table in the room. He switched on a lamp and began reading without another word.  
Lena sat for a moment, silent but slowly coming to a boil. Watching Tommy pore over the contract she finally imploded.  
"You know Tommy-"she almost stopped then as he looked up from the papers at her, seething rage in his dark stormy eyes, but she continued- "you don't have to make people feel like shit for a situation that was completely out of their control. You don't get to do that. It's not fucking right." Her voice wasn't a yell but it wasn't a pleasant conversational tone either. She stood in front of the table so he could continue to burn her with his intimidating expression. She pressed one hand down on the table and leaned down towards him ever so slightly. "No one could foresee what happened tonight if they tried. Cal had to pull Brendan away, for Chrissakes."  
Tommy kept his hot glare on her, not saying a word. After a moment, or an eternity to her, he looked back down at the papers and continued reading. She knew he was past pissed, past furious. He was calm, which worried her even more, not for herself but what it all could possibly lead to.  
When she realized she was getting nowhere, Lena slipped off without another sound. She went into their room and contemplated a plan of action. She had nothing, and she knew it. Tommy had murder on his mind, an indefinite hospital stay at the least, for Biggs. He wanted it so badly that he was reading the contract carefully to see what he could do, either at that moment or in the octagon the following night.  
She finally drew a bath and sat in it, alone and irritated. When the water got cold she got out, rinsing off briefly in the shower before toweling off. She came back into an empty bedroom, and after checking thoroughly, an empty suite as well. She tried to call Cal- no answer. She tried Colt- straight to message. Panic started to set in. She didn't realize she was wrapped only in a towel when she opened the door to Brendan's room and tried to wake him, of course to no avail.  
Back in her and Tommy's room she panicked some more. She didn't need this. She got dressed and went back into Brendan's room, looking for his phone. He was asleep face down on the bed, only in his jeans. She looked around on the nightstands for his phone, finally spying it in his back pocket- she grabbed it out and called Frank.  
"Bren, go to bed, shit-"  
"It's not Brendan. It's Lena. Tommy's missing."  
Frank sighed heavily. "Why you callin' me? You think I wanna help?"  
"Goddammit Frank, please? Will you drop the bullshit and help me out here?"  
"Well I dunno what the fuck y'want me to do about it, Lena. Maybe he's gone to pay that asshole a visit, what do I know-"  
"Do you know which room Cal and Colt are in? I know they told me but I can't remember right now-"  
"Yeah,cuz you're all worked up right now. Breathe, Lena. You'll remember when you calm down."  
Lena took in a deep breath. She wanted to throttle Frank.  
"OK, Frank...let me ask you one more time. What is the room number?"  
Frank sighed again. "Suite 43A."  
Lena hung up and immediately got dressed- she didn't care what she was putting on, jeans and a shirt, slipped on her shoes, and with her phone and room key in her hand she was gone.  
On the elevator she was greeted by a half-drunk Frank. He was rubbing his eyes and yawning, in jeans and a tank top. Lena could see he had never stopped training himself.  
"What the-"  
Frank held his hand up to stop her. "I don't wanna hear about it. I'm gonna go up here with you so we can both go to sleep. Where's Brendan anyway?"  
"He's passed out."  
Frank chuckled. "He could never really drink." He fixed her with his amber eyes, dropping the smile. "You're pretty tough, I gotta give ya that."  
Lena looked sideways at him. "Not tough. Just worried."  
"Nah, I mean...you didn't flinch at all when Biggs tried that shit. That was impressive."  
Lena shook her head. "No. It was instinct. I've been around fighters all my life, just never trained."  
"Maybe you should." Frank's eyes twinkled. "I bet you'd be great."  
"Ha. Well, can't really do that, can I?"Lena shook her head. Frank looked confused. "I'm pregnant, Frank."  
"Oh. Well. Maybe you still can...I mean, later."  
The elevator chimed, and Lena's heart bulged in her throat. Frank stepped off first, listening carefully, and Lena followed, on high alert. It was quiet, only a few people wandering down the hallway to their room. Frank and Lena stood there for a moment, and the elevator dinged shut. The vigilant pair made their way down the hallway until they found a set of double doors with the golden numbers 43A. Still not a sound.  
"Maybe they met in the parking lot or something."  
Frank shook his head. "No way. Vegas PD would haul them both off to jail and they'd disqualify on top of that."  
"So what do you think?"  
Frank smiled and shrugged. "I think you panicked. I think he's downstairs somewhere playing the slots. I think you and I should go back to our rooms and go to sleep."  
Lena looked at Frank and actually detected some kindness in his expression. She nodded. "OK."  
Back in the still-empty suite. She checked Brendan's phone before setting it down on the nightstand beside him, and she retired to her bedroom. She couldn't spend the night trying to chase Tommy down when she had no idea where to start in the first place. She set her phone right by her pillow, so if it made the slightest noise she would hear it.  
After tossing and turning, and finally drifting off, Lena awoke the next morning to an empty bed. She threw the covers off and tore into the living room- empty again. She opened Brendan's door, only to find him stretched out in bed completely naked. She quickly shut the door again and started calling his name in a deep, loud voice.  
"Hold on," Brendan yelled back.  
"Took you long enough," Lena said. She sat down on the couch and put her face in her hands.  
"What's up Lena?" Brendan was zipping up his jeans as he came out, still no shirt.  
"Tommy...he left last night while I was in the bath. He's gone."  
Brendan ran his fingers through his hair. "Fuck. Fuck! Why didn't you wake me?!?"  
"I tried, Brendan! You were out. I took your phone and called Frank."  
"What?!"  
"Cal didn't answer, neither did Colt. Tommy's phone is still plugged in."  
Brendan looked totally shocked and bewildered. "Well...where the hell is he?!" He exhaled sharply. "What did Frank tell you?"  
"We went up to Biggs' room just to scope it out. All quiet."  
"Oh Jesus Christ." Brendan went back into his room, pulling on socks and a shirt. She waited for him on the edge of the couch. "What time is it?" Brendan asked out loud but he already had his phone in his hand. "Shit."  
Lena already knew it was 7:15. She had been up for an hour already.  
"You ready?" Brendan stood in front of her, bouncing himself awake.  
"Where are we going?"  
"I don't know. Just have a look around, I guess. C'mon, I'll buy you breakfast."  
After combing the enormous Mandalay Bay and coming up empty, they ended up in a little restaurant on the grounds, ordering eggs and coffee.  
"Did you see the contract anywhere around the suite?" Brendan asked, forcing the black coffee down his throat.  
"No. I didn't even think about that, but no, I didn't see it anywhere."  
Brendan fixed her with his bloodshot ice blue eyes. "How much you wanna bet he went to see J.J.?"  
"You think?"  
"Yeah. He and J.J. go way back-"  
"He's told me."  
"-and we're comin' up empty here. So. That's my theory. You tried Cal again?"  
"No, I thought you tried him-"  
"Nope, I was callin' Frank to thank him for helping you last night, but he's not answering either." Brendan threw his toast back down onto his plate. "We should be in the gym by now-" And then he froze. "Shit, why didn't we think about that? C'mon." He grabbed Lena's hand and started yanking her up.  
"What is it, where we goin'?"  
"The training rooms!"  
He dragged her off to the backside of the hotel, where all the conference rooms were. Everything had been covered in deep red for Sparta. Fighters and trainers were moving around the halls, in between rooms, many of them collecting their belongings and equipment to take home with them. Lena and Brendan found the press room, where Brendan poked his head in between the doors to have a look. Camera crews were setting up for the post-fight press meet, where the interview with the last two men and their trainers would take place. No sight of Tommy so far.  
Brendan seemed to know his way around, so Lena followed him, until he came upon a door that read "CONLON". He opened the double doors and found Tommy there, beating a heavybag with every hard edge of his body. J.J. was there, wearing ratty sweats, and he was holding the bag for Tommy. J.J. was drenched with sweat- it was not easy doing the job he had, and he looked relieved to see Brendan marching into the room. Tommy stopped cold and watched as his brother approached him.  
"Hey, Brendan-"  
"Hi J.J. How y'doin'." Brendan shook his hand and tried to smile, but then he looked back at Tommy and his ghost of a smile faded away to set Brendan's expression back to stone. Lena smiled and shook J.J.'s hand, and after a moment of the two brothers staring at each other in silence, J.J. finally took his cue.  
"OK guys, I'm outta here. Got lots to do. See you in a bit!" And J.J. was gone, leaving the three Conlons in the room together.  
"Really, Tommy?" Lena was the first to break the silence. Tommy's eyes flashed green-blue at her. He held his gloved hand out to her, and she took it. He pulled her into his arms and held her against his wet body. Brendan started to say something but Tommy held his hand up to him, hushing him.  
"I had to talk to J.J. about the contract."  
"Yeah? Which part?"  
"I wanted to know what would happen legally if I bowed out."  
Brendan threw his hands in the air. "What?!"  
"Look, Brendan. I don't expect you to understand. I wanted to kill that motherfucker last night. I went to see J.J. I was gonna try to get out of the contract. But he talked me out of it."  
"So now what?" Lena asked.  
"Now nothing. Now I train. I fight that motherfucker tonight."  
"Where did you stay last night, Tommy? Why didn't you come back to me?" Lena looked up into his aquamarine eyes.  
"J.J. put me in one of his rooms to make sure I didn't do anything stupid. And I didn't want to come back and wake you up. You need to rest."  
"Ha. Yeah. About that, Tommy." She broke free of his sweaty embrace. "I didn't sleep. I tried calling everyone and went out looking for you..."  
Tommy closed his eyes and shook his head. "I'm sorry, Lena...OK? I was having trouble dealing with it-"  
"Well that's what I'm here for, remember? Be here for you, support you...or did you forget that?" She threw his phone at him, which he quickly caught. "I'm going back to the room. See yas." She turned on her heel and left, exhausted and exasperated.


	79. Carry the World

The day was stretching on and on. Lena was alone in the room. She didn't want to talk to anyone, she didn't want to be bothered at all. She had packed her stuff and seriously considered going home early, but when she found out how much it was going to cost she decided against it. And even though she was feeling rather unsocial, she found herself further irritated that Tommy wasn't texting her at all. She just wasn't happy with anything. She was hungry and pissed.  
It was 4:30 pm. Lena had fallen asleep when her phone ringing over and over woke her- it was Tommy.  
"Hey."  
"Yeah?" Lena sat up and rubbed her face. The room was a mix of Vegas lights and setting sun. "Shit. What time is it?"  
"It's almost 5. You comin' to the fight tonight?"  
Lena sighed. "Of course I am Tommy. Almost left though-"  
"You what?"  
"I almost left. I wanted to go home. What's the point in me being here if you are just going to keep the same shit up- acting like I don't exist everytime you get mad?"  
Tommy sighed. "I don't want you to leave. Just stay through this for me, please? I need you there."  
"Yeah?"  
"Need you with me. Always."  
Lena hung on the line without saying a word.  
"I love you."  
"Yeah. I love you too."  
"Can we talk about this when we get home?"  
"There's nothing to talk about. You do that to me again Tommy...I'm gone. I don't care what the circumstances are. I'm supposed to be the one you turn to."  
There was silence and rustling on the line, and she could hear Brendan's voice throughout.  
"I hear you, Lena. I won't make any promises I can't keep. I'm not myself right now..."  
"Well you have some ass to kick. Just don't lose sight of that and please don't kill him? I don't want to take our child to visit their father in prison."  
Tommy laughed. "No. I won't kill him. I'm just gonna beat him within an inch of his fuckin' life."  
"OK, OK. Where are you and Brendan?"  
"On our way back to the room. Then we're goin' back to the convention center...I just wanted to make sure you were still comin'."  
"I'll see you when you get here."  
Brendan and Tommy came in sweaty and stinking. They had been in the training rooms all day. There were only four fighters left but everyone that knew about the scene at the Luxor the night before went out of their way to stay away from Tommy's training room. Brendan was worried they would run into Biggs, but somehow everything went smoothly. Tommy found his freedom in sparring with Brendan, regained his center, so he could knock Biggs' lights out.  
"Room service is bringing up some food."  
"Yeah? What?" Tommy was rubbing his face with a towel. He smiled when he saw Lena standing in the living room, watching them come in.  
"Whole grains and baked cod." Brendan gave Lena a high-five. "What's up Tiger?"  
Lena had to laugh. "Waiting on you jerks." Tommy wrapped her up in his arms and she fought against him. "Ugh you stink!"  
He kissed her anyway. She couldn't resist kissing back.  
"Hey, take a shower, will ya? You're faster than me!" Brendan threw his dirty towel at Tommy, who threw it back.  
"Alright. Be right back." Tommy winked at Lena, but she fixed him with a dirty stare. She was still mad at him.  
"I hope they're bringing enough food for all of us. I'm so hungry!" Lena flopped on the couch beside Brendan, and recoiled. "Ew, you smell too."  
"I know, I know. But I think he's worse, so..." Brendan looked at her closely. "You alright?"  
"No. I'm still pissed. He runs off on me Brendan-"  
"I know."  
"-and I'm really sick of it. Every time he promises me he won't do it again. Then he does it again anyway." She sighed heavily.  
"Yeah...he's been runnin' all his life. Told you that."  
She shot him a dark glare.  
"And if you think he's just gonna change overnight...you can't expect that. But he's tryin', Lena...he's doin' better than I've ever seen him. And he's off almost all the drugs he was prescribed. You may not know that, but I do. And I know it's got a lot to do with you. You're making him better, but he's still pretty fucked up." Brendan sighed. " I hope you can hang in there. The best is yet to come."  
"What does that mean?"  
Brendan shook his head with a smile. "I mean he's getting better, slowly but surely. Tommy doesn't let anyone in, you already know that. I just got a relationship back with him and I had to fight tooth and nail for it. Tess and I almost divorced because it was causing so much strain. But things are so much better now...I don't expect you to be patient, Lena, not forever. Just...don't give up on him. Not yet. OK?"  
Lena sighed, staring at her feet. "I'm trying, Bren. But it's not just me anymore." She looked into his ice blue eyes. "He has to be accountable when I have this baby. He has to learn a new way of doing things, and I don't know how to help him with that. Does the V.A. have counseling? We could do it together if that would help."  
Brendan shook his head. "Yeah, sure they do. But I don't know if he would go for it."  
"Well I can't fix him. And I don't want to lose him. But I don't want to do this by myself, either."  
Brendan nodded his head. He knew she was right, he just didn't know what to say. Tommy came out of the bathroom in an ill-fitting robe, and Lena laughed in spite of her dark mood. He and Brendan switched places, and he very carefully sat beside Lena. Neither of them spoke for a few moments.  
"You know I don't do things to hurt you, right?" Tommy's hand was on her knee. She looked at the swollen knuckles, the small lacerations scattered everywhere.  
"Yeah. But you do. And someday soon there'll be two of us you'll leave behind."  
Tommy shivered. "No. No. I won't do that."  
"Well...it's a decision you'll have to make. Any way I look at it it's intolerable. I want to help you. You can't keep pushing me away. Or running away either."  
Tommy took his hand off her knee and wrapped her in his arms.  
"I'm sorry. I can't say it enough. I'm not fit to be around people when I get like that. I worry that if I stay I'll say something...hurt you worse. It gets so bad I wanna get away from myself too."  
"Tommy...can we maybe think about counseling? Together?"  
His total silence lingered uncomfortably, and she was about to break his embrace when there was a knock at the door. He kissed her head and stood to open the door to their dinner, finding Colt standing there instead.  
"Hey Tommy."  
Tommy nodded, letting Colt in. He looked around the suite, his eyes catching Lena's.  
"Hey Uncle Colt."  
"Lena. Where's Brendan?"  
Tommy pointed to the bathroom. "Shower. What's up?"  
"I just uh...wanted to apologize for Biggs behavior."  
"Did he send you over here?"  
"No. No, I'm here on my own. I'm really embarrassed. I never would have taken him on if I had known what a complete jerk-off he is."  
"Uncle Colt, no one blames you-"  
"Yeah, well...I'm really sorry. I hope you kick the shit out of him tonight, Tommy."  
Tommy just looked back at Colt, his expression blank but his eyes like fire."Whaddya think I'm gonna do?"  
"You're gonna send him to the hospital, that's what you're gonna do." But Colt's voice lacked any bravado, his tone held almost sadness in it.  
Brendan came out of the bathroom, a big fluffy towel around his hips and one over his head, his face barely peeking out. He saw Colt standing in the living room and he pulled the top towel off.  
"What's going on?"  
"Colt over here is apologizing for Biggs." Tommy's tone was rife with sarcasm. Colt just shrugged.  
"I don't want any bad feelings between us when we get back to the 'Burgh."  
Brendan shook his head. "Nah, why would there be? I'm happy to corner Tommy, I'm glad it turned out the way it did."  
"Yeah, Uncle Colt. You can't help what happened. It's supposed to be professionals competing here. Biggs is just an asshole. Not your fault." Lena was standing up now. She didn't like the way Tommy was silently and openly staring at him, emanating hostility.  
"Yeah, OK. Well...regardless, I am sorry. I'll see yas down there. Good luck Tommy." Colt turned towards the door and hastily exited.  
Tommy scoffed. "I don't need luck."  
Brendan shook his head at his brother. "No. Definitely not." He crossed the living room and went into his bedroom to change, and Tommy did the same thing, leaving Lena alone for a moment in a haze of confusion and slight irritation. She needed to eat and try to get back into the swing of things. It was getting closer to showtime, and Lena needed to be there and be aware.  
The food arrived. Tommy was in shorts and a tank top, looking amazing. His smile was easy for her as he shared his food with her, while Brendan watched the Sparta pre-show with intense scrunity, stuffing fish and quinoa mindlessly into his mouth. Tommy looked over at him, then back to Lena, smiling privately at her again.  
"You were hungry, weren't you baby?"  
Lena rolled her eyes and laughed. "Yep. Of course I'm starving. Trying to keep up with you guys is tiring." She wiped the corner of his mouth with a soft fabric napkin. "I'm surrounded by Conlons."  
Brendan surprised them both with a hearty laugh. "Yeah, you're screwed aren't ya?"  
Tommy smiled."And one inside ya."  
"What do you think about names, Tommy?"  
He shrugged, scraping the rest of the grains off the plate with a fork. "I dunno, I wasn't thinkin' about names yet..."  
"You want a boy or a girl?"  
He looked over at her. "What do you think?"  
"A boy. Of course."  
Tommy nodded. "Yeah, cuz we have a girl I'm gonna hafta buy a rifle."  
"Why?!"  
"Cuz I'm gonna shoot any motherfucker that ever tries to touch her."  
Brendan was nodding. "Yep."  
Lena shrugged. "And you don't think I'd be protective or something?"  
Tommy and Brendan both looked at her the same exact way, like 'you have no idea.'  
"Hmph. OK. Well, whatever. Some nasty tramp tries to sink her claws into my son might meet the rifle too. Or how about this- anyone fucks with my kid, regardless of gender, is gonna get fucked up. What do you think about them apples, huh?" Lena drank down the rest of her water while the brothers smiled at each other.  
"Lena, you fit right in!" Brendan was laughing, until the mention of Matt Biggs name on TV made him immediately snap to attention. Tommy shrugged as highlights from Biggs' fights flooded the screen, and the commentator was spewing words of admiration and awe throughout the clips. Lena felt the food rising in the back of her throat.  
"Tommy, this guy is an animal. When you're in there with him, you gotta watch his left hand-"  
"I know, Bren."  
"Oh, you know? You've seen what he can do?"  
Tommy tossed his napkin down on the empty plate, irritated. "Yeah, so what? He's a fuckin' heavy hittin' southpaw. I couldn't care less, Brendan, I already told you how it's gonna be."  
"Alright, Tommy, alright." Brendan stood to set his plate on the room service tray and he clapped his hand gently on Tommy's shoulder as he passed him. "Just doin' my job."  
"Well..." Lena looked at the clock on the wall. It was just creeping past six. "We gotta head down to the convention center." Lena locked eyes with Tommy. His face was impassive, showing no signs of emotion, but his eyes blazed with intelligent ferocity. "Are you ready?"  
Tommy didn't speak, just nodded. She fought a chill as it shimmied down her spine- he could burn the world with that glare.  
"Are you ready?"he asked softly, then stood up. He kissed her head and went into the room, presumably to change. Lena figured she better get cleaned up too. She would put on a pretty face and fix her hair, even though she knew it was going to be pointless by the end of the evening- her nervous sweat alone would run her makeup off.

The crowds around and inside the convention center were bloodthirsty. Some were there to watch the fights, some were there to cause them. The free-flowing alcohol in Vegas didn't help the wild mood as the arena filled and spilled over to the max.  
"Holy Mother of God, Bryan, there is no way everyone here tonight bought tickets!" The announcers were cramped as the crowds swelled forward. Sam Sheridan was feeling a little claustrophobic- his face clearly displayed his panic.  
"Oh I think you may be right, Sam!" Bryan Callen waved a vendor over and set a beer down in front of Sam. "Here, how about a little liquid bravery? We have two fights tonight, the last two, the final fights of Sparta 7, live from the very overfilled Mandalay Bay convention center...Sam, where is security when you need them? Please people, calm down so we don't get shut down!"  
"Yes, please restrain yourselves and let the only fighting be in the octagon!" Sam swallowed half his beer in one large quaff. "We need crowd control, and it starts with you, the fans."  
Lena had been smuggled in the backroom thanks to security- there was a strong presence in the halls. She figured it was because of the Tommy/Biggs beef that was starting to make the rounds, even making it up to Bryan and Sam, who enjoyed tossing the story in the air and making bets on who would win. Sam had Tommy, while Bryan rooted for Biggs. Lena turned the volume down on the TV in their dressing room- she didn't want to hear another word. Tommy was speed jumping while Brendan dug his thai pads out of his bag- his hands were wrapped, he just needed his gloves. The roar of the crowds was audible in the hallways; sweat poured down Tommy's body, soaking his shirt; Lena felt a little unhinged in the middle of it all, watching it, hearing it. Her every nerve ending was on fire.  
"Soares and Castanho are first, right?" Lena rubbed her hands together nervously. Brendan approached Tommy with the thai pads on his hands, and Tommy dropped the rope to immediately begin striking, running through the drills- Brendan kept a constant steady pace, not wanting Tommy to use up all his stored energy.  
"Yeah." Tommy ducked as the pads whipped over his head, and he stood to strike, strike, duck, weave, strike. It was a synchronized dance that became hypnotic to watch. But Lena was too nerve-wracked to ease into a relaxed frame of mind, and Brendan kept swinging on Tommy, repeating quotes from Sun Tzu's The Art Of War, as he always did, and the two of them entered a zone together that did not include her or anyone else.  
"Rouse him, and learn the principle of his activity...force him to reveal himself to learn his vulnerable spots...he who is prudent and lies in wait for the enemy will be victorious... in the midst of chaos, you will find opportunity...when the enemy is relaxed, make them toil; when full, starve them; when settled, make them move...engage the enemy with what they expect- it is what they are able to discern and confirms their projections...occupy their mind with predictability while you wait for the extraordinary moment-that which they cannot anticipate...appear weak when you are strong, and strong when you are weak." Brendan's near-breathless voice still carried enough authority to give Lena a chill when he repeated the last quote- "Know your enemy."  
Brendan held the pads out until they made one smooth flat surface over his face, and commanded Tommy to attack- Lena was stunned by the short violent burst of motion Tommy's body made as he pummeled the pads. Brendan held the pads down and Tommy launched into kicks and knee thrusts.  
"Holy shit," she whispered. She looked up at the TV screen- she could see Frank's monstrous Soares as he approached the Octagon- he looked cool, calm, and detached, as if he was waiting for a train and he had nowhere to go- cool emerald eyes glistening in dark turmeric skin. He was simply present and aware. Castanho was anything but calm, all bulging jumpy muscles and a steady sheen of sweat on his deep chestnut skin. The two squared off in the octagon and even Brendan and Tommy stopped for a moment to watch. Lena moved to raise the volume and Tommy stopped her.  
"Don't need to hear it." He nodded. "Soares has him."  
"But...they haven't even fought yet-"  
Brendan smiled at her as Tommy turned to pick up his speed rope. "He's right."  
Lena turned her attention to the fighters in the Octagon- she should have been at her seat, but she wanted to be with Tommy as long as possible. She would find her way up front as soon as the current fight was over, but for now she sat riveted to her seat. She watched as the fighters dance around each other carefully, tagging each other, testing each other. Tommy skipped slowly behind her, the tapping of the rope hitting the mat and his breathing all she could hear. Brendan came to sit next to her and watch the fight with her.  
"Oh my shit!" she exclaimed out loud as Soares landed a solid kick to Castanho's jaw. Castanho fell, spitting blood, and scrambled to the other side of the cage as Soares descended upon him, coming to finish him. Castanho stood and surprisingly swung full force onto Soares' forehead, making him waver and stagger back to find his footing. The five minute buzzer was about to go off when Castanho landed a chest kick.  
"Just wait," Brendan said softly, wiping his face with a towel.  
Round two and Castanho was coming at Soares full force, and Soares evaded his every move. Lena was sitting at the edge of her seat as the ballet ensued, until Soares caught Castanho with a high-powered uppercut, knocking Castanho down and out. The crowd was on it's feet, roaring in approval. Brendan looked sideways at Lena with a smile.  
"Told ya."  
Tommy's hot palm was on her shoulder. "You should get to your seat, doll."  
"C'mon." Brendan stood and took her hand. "I'll get security to help you out."  
She turned and saw her husband staring back at her, wet and glowing, a mass of nuclear particles in human form.  
"Tommy..." She held her hand out to him, and he reached over the couch to take it, his eyes never leaving hers. "I-"  
"Don't." One word in his deep commanding voice stopped her from telling him she loved him or wishing him good luck. "I'll see you soon."  
"C'mon Lena." Brendan led her out into the hallway and handed her over to security. "I'll see ya out there." He offered a small smile and Lena felt the full weight of the moment settling inside her like a cold iron block. She shuddered and went numb as the huge muscled men took her out into the madness of the crowds and onward to where her seat was supposed to be.  
The cage was being cleaned, and security was having a time keeping the crowd under control. People were getting carried out left and right. The announcers had to be moved behind a barrier and sandwiched up against the octagon, and there was no sign of Lena's seat. The largest guard forcibly removed a scrawny guy from a chair he was standing on and moved it behind the barrier. The guard spoke into Sam Sheridan's ear, and then gestured for Lena to sit beside him.  
"Hi, how are ya?" Sam shook her hand. "Conlon's wife, huh? You must be tough as nails."  
"Nah, not me." Lena smiled her best dazzling smile and tried to look brave. Suddenly she wanted to cry. Her nerves were really shot.  
"Would you mind if we interviewed you? Y'know, just a few questions."  
"Uh...no offense, but I really don't think so. I think Tommy could answer any questions you might have far better than me."  
Bryan somehow overheard the conversation and leaned in with a wink for Lena. "Yeah, you fit right in don't ya? The Conlon code of silence is strong!"  
"No, I just think you should interview the fighter. He's the one you really want." She looked around, feeling more uncomfortable than ever. Where was J.J. when she needed him?  
"OK, OK. Don't worry, we'll leave ya alone." Sam smiled good-naturedly. "Just doing what we do best."  
Lena watched as the staff left the Octagon. It was clean and sanitized, ready for another round. It wouldn't be long now.  
"You guys pickin' on my girl?" As if by some kind of magic, J.J. was standing behind her and looking menacingly at the announcers, even through his toothy smile.  
"No, no way Mr.Riley!" Bryan punched Sam's shoulder and they both flipped the switches on their mics and kicked into announcer mode. J.J. found a seat beside Lena, grasping her hand briefly before settling down.  
"Alright people, this is it, this is the last fight of the tournament. Vitor Soares will either be squaring off with either Matt Biggs or Tommy Conlon for the five million dollar prize, it all goes down here in just a few minutes! I have my bets on Conlon, but Bryan over here-"  
"Hey, Sam, the guy is from my hometown! I've watched him during his entire career up to this point-"  
"No one's faulting you for that, Bryan. You can root for whomever you choose. I just know that Conlon's gonna wipe the floor with him-"  
"There you go again, baiting me!"  
Lena looked over at J.J. and rolled her eyes. He gave her a private smile and leaned into her ear.  
"I'm sorry, I got nowhere else for us to go. We had to charge for standing room only, can you believe that?"  
"I didn't know you could do that!"  
"Not supposed to. But I can't leave all the animals out there. We had at least three hundred people outside and it was getting ugly."  
The scope of the situation took Lena's breath away. It was like a rock concert in the stands. Banners and signs everywhere had fighter's names on them, and maybe she was looking for it, but it seemed Tommy's name was dominant.  
"A lot of these people are here for Tommy, aren't they?"  
J.J. smiled proudly. "You bet your ass, kid. Lots of vets, young kids, lost kids, wanna-be warriors... Tommy has a huge fanbase. He may not like it but it's true!"  
Lena held her breath as the lights went down and Biggs' walk-out song, "Fuck Y'all" started blaring overhead. She could see the octagon entrance and it was only about twenty feet away- she knew she would end up locking eyes with Biggs again.  
"Here he comes, Matt Biggs, in all his glory, ready for his last shot at the final fight!"  
Lena tuned out the overenthusiastic announcers and waited for Biggs to make his way down the tunnel and out through the crowds. The riot of boos and hisses almost blotted out the cheers. She couldn't help but feel joyous that the crowd was with Tommy.  
As Biggs approached the octagon he looked over at the announcer's table, and ended up staring right at Lena. He smirked as he took off his shirt, looking right at her with a wink. She visibly shivered, her face showing sour, and Biggs laughed, ascending the steps to get checked over by the officials. He bounced around in the cage, all big muscle bravado, waiting for Tommy. Again the lights dimmed a little, and the opening strains of "Hero" began, and the crowd responded by getting on their feet and screaming at the tops of their lungs: 'Chain gleaming switching lanes two seating, hate him or love him for the same reason, cant leave it, the game needs him, plus the people need someone to believe in, so in God's son they trust cuz they know Imma give 'em what they want, they're lookin' for a hero, I guess that makes me a hero..'  
Lena was breathless as the thunder swelling all around her led her eyes to the Conlon brothers approaching the octagon. Tommy was hidden in his hoodie, and Brendan nodded Lena's way- Tommy yanked his hoodie off and ascended the stairs into the hands of the officials. When he was in the cage and in his corner, he turned and pressed his gloved fist against the cage in Lena's direction, his eyes coal black pupils and burning with dark fire. Lena raised her fist up, her eyes lost for a moment in the chaotic abyss of his glare. He nodded and dropped his fist, turning on his bouncing heels to sear Biggs with his merciless impassive glare. Brendan was right by the table to coach his brother, and he looked down at Lena with a warm smile and a fist bump.  
There was a loud noise and the music cut off, leaving the announcer in the middle of the cage under a single spotlight.  
"Attention fight fans! This is the last fight before the final, in which the winner takes home the coveted five million dollar prize! Our fighters tonight have been tested over the past two nights and have come to this moment in Sparta history! In the red shorts, weighing 185 pounds, from Baldwin, New York.....MATT...BIGGS!"  
The crowd showed their mixed emotions, the rallying cheer carrying a low rumble of disapproval. Lena tried not to laugh watching Biggs dance around the cage as Tommy stood stock still, his body posture implying attack.  
"And in black shorts, weighing 185 pounds, from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania...TOMMY...CONLON!"  
The crowd had gone ballistic, screaming and stomping their feet, flying banners and flags and holding up signs with Tommy's name on them. Lena could barely hear anything, and it didn't matter anyway- the ref called the two men to the center of the ring to read the rules and even though she was right up against the ring, she still couldn't make out a word.  
Tommy and Biggs went back to their corners and came out ready to kill each other. Tommy stayed tightly closed and on guard, and while Biggs did the same to a degree, he couldn't help but feint dramatically to try and get Tommy to drop his guard. Tommy followed but did not chase. Biggs was laughing, and Lena knew he was talking shit because his lips were moving. Tommy didn't flinch when Biggs jabbed and missed, instead he countered with a tag to Biggs' face, splitting his lip.  
"Motherfucker!" Biggs roared. Tommy hissed at him through his mouthguard, hands up and chin down. Biggs spit a mouthful of blood and put his fists back up, stomping his foot toward Tommy to rush him. Tommy rooted to the mat and braced for impact, and Biggs crashed into him, attempting to elbow Tommy's temple as Tommy wrapped his arm around Biggs' neck, holding him still to drive his knee high and hard into Biggs' side, over and over, brutalizing his ribs and side. The ref rushed up to break it up, calling foul on Biggs. Lena could hear Colt screaming at Biggs for trying to elbow Tommy's face and head. Brendan encouraged Tommy, but he wasn't looking at his brother- he was staring at Lena again, bouncing from foot to foot.  
Round two. Tommy was doing the feinting this time, using his fist to detract Biggs from the rib-cracking kick he shortly delivered. Biggs attempted to block it, and then in a fit of pain and rage drove forward, swinging repeatedly into Tommy's bad shoulder. Tommy kicked him in the chest and knocked him back a little, and then went after him, firing shots all over Biggs- face, sides, face- a strike attack that left Biggs dizzy but still upright. Tommy deliberately fell back to watch Biggs stagger and try to look lively.  
"C'mon Tommy! Finish it! Finish him!" Brendan was screaming out loud but Tommy paid him no mind, dancing around Biggs to watch his face swell and start to bleed. Tommy smiled sadistically.  
"C'MON!" Biggs called loudly. Tommy shrugged and dug in, swinging left right left, up in between Biggs' arms and on his face, right left right, body shots everywhere, and when Biggs started to sag Tommy drove his knees into Biggs' midsection- he dropped Biggs down to the mat and onto his knees, and then immediately rounded on him and swept him up in a ball to lay a rear naked choke on him. Biggs flailed and tried to punch upwards to get Tommy off him, but the more he struggled the more Tommy tightened his grip. There was nowhere for Biggs to go. Blood from his split lip and sliced up face ran down Tommy's forearm, and the ref hovered over them, watching it play out.  
"Jesus Christ, tap already!" J.J. yelled into the octagon, causing Brendan to break his concentration from the fight and turn around with a smile. Finally the ref pulled Tommy off Biggs- he was asleep. The octagon flooded with people, Brendan and Colt and the officials, the camera crew and finally the announcer. He grabbed Tommy's arm and raised it just as Tommy spit, possibly on Biggs.  
"Moving to the final fight...the winner...TOMMY...CONLON!"  
The noise was incredible. Tommy's walk out song started playing at top volume, and Lena's ears ached from decibel abuse.Fans were trying to rush the barriers and break through as Brendan and security flanked Tommy to get him back to the dressing room safely, all the while his eyes desperately searched for Lena.  
"C'mon kid, I'll get you back there." J.J. stood and his own bodyguards flanked him, and Lena as she stood as well. It was a fight through Hell itself to get back to the tunnel, thankfully the enormous muscled wall of men protected them from it.  
Back in the dressing room. J.J. shook Brendan's hand, half-hugged him. The shower was running and Lena knew Tommy was washing all the blood and sweat off his skin.  
"Lena, you alright?" J.J. had his hand on her shoulder and looked down on her. The man was impossibly tall. Lena gave him a small smile.  
"Yeah, I'm good."  
"Alright good. I gotta get outta here, give Tommy my congratulations! I'll be back to get you later, Lena!" And he was gone.  
Lena was still in shock. She looked at Brendan, who was grinning like a fiend.  
"How 'bout that?"  
"Amazingly shorter than I expected. I'm relieved, that's for sure."  
"Did you really think Biggs stood a chance?"  
Lena flopped down on the couch with a bottle of cold water. "No, Bren, but I did worry. You know technique is everything but you should never underestimate anyone, especially someone as nuts as Biggs."  
"Well Tommy gave him plenty of opportunity to make something happen. You know what Biggs' problem is? Underneath all his bullshit he was terrified."  
Tommy appeared in the room, covered in towels. Brendan had an ice pack ready for him, and when Tommy sat next to Lena on the couch Brendan rested it on his bare shoulder. It looked ugly, already bruised and swollen.  
"Biggs really hit it hard, didn't he?" Lena felt tears burning in her eyes. She could see how bad it hurt in his expression,his dark grey eyes.  
"Yeah. Fuckin' cheap shot motherfucker. It's OK, we almost made it." He kissed her cheek and she looked down at his body-the towel sliding up his thighs, his bare feet, his swollen knuckles. He had little bruises and cuts everywhere.  
"You gonna be OK, Tommy?"  
"Of course I am." He tried to smile and Lena winced.  
"One more baby."  
"If Biggs hadn't fucked with my shoulder so bad I would be fine. Don't worry."  
Brendan handed Tommy a protein shake and some pills. He scarfed everything down and then pressed his dark red swollen lips against Lena's, tasting like strawberries and cream.  
"We won't have to worry about anything after this, baby. We'll be set."  
"Yeah...we have to get other things fixed first. It's not done changing." She held his hand to her belly, and his eyes swam with tears. He kissed her again, longer, softer, sweeter.  
"I promise."


	80. Untouchable

Brendan stood in front of the TV, looking down at them. "I'm gonna get some food, you guys want anything?"  
"Nah." Tommy waved him off. Brendan ducked out of the room in a hurry.  
"How much longer to the next fight?"  
"Maybe 45 minutes, maybe 30." Tommy looked into Lena's concerned expression. "Doesn't matter. I'm gonna win."  
"But at what cost?" She gestured to his shoulder. "If Soares plays dirty, which I'm sure he will, he's gonna try to put you out of commission."  
"I'll protect myself."  
Lena nodded. "I know."  
Tommy sighed. "Have you thought about...having a ceremony? In Pittsburgh, with your family?"  
Lena smiled. "Yeah. We've just been so busy...but I need to start figuring it out soon. I don't want a white trash wedding with me standing at the altar with a big pregnant belly." They both laughed softly."And then again I really don't want some big fanfare. You and I are quiet people, we don't need a big showy wedding. What do you think?"  
Tommy looked absently at the TV, watching himself choke Biggs out. "You know what I really want? I want to rent out the church my parents got married in and do a traditional ceremony. What do you think about that?"  
"Um...Catholic wedding?"  
"Yeah."  
Lena shook her head. "Tommy do you realize what that entails? There's no way..."  
"Just a thought."  
"I mean, if you really want to do it, we will. But we will have to take classes and all kinds of stuff-"  
"You can't just rent the church?" Tommy looked shocked.  
"No. We will have to convert."  
His eyes widened. "Never mind then. We'll find another way."  
Brendan came back in with a sandwiches and cold drinks for everyone, tossing food and drinks around like a fairy with sprinkles.  
"Look Tommy, chicken and hummus on pita bread!!"  
Lena laughed. "Brendan you're always hungry!" She unwrapped her sandwich and breathed in the scent of fresh veggies and hummus. Her tummy grumbled but she was too nervous to eat. Tommy set his down on a side table and shook his head.  
"Thanks Bren, but I'll take some C4 instead."  
"Sure." Brendan found the preworkout powder in his bag and mixed some up for Tommy, who drank it down in one long gulp.  
Lena winced. "That helps?"  
Tommy nodded. "I could use a little help."  
There was a knock at the door, and the voice that followed told them they had twenty minutes. Tommy stood, letting the ice pack slip off his shoulder. He threw it to Brendan and rotated the shoulder around, wincing.  
"How's it, Tommy?" Brendan set his sandwich down and reached into his bag of tricks, finding a tube of Tiger Balm. He tossed it to Tommy, and Lena took it from him.  
"Let me." She patted the couch cushion beside her, and Tommy sat down again, his face blank and his eyes wary. He looked like maybe he didn't want anyone to touch it, even himself. Lena stood and came around to sit on the arm of the little couch, looking down at Tommy's swollen shoulder, the star and the Virgin Mary tats raised on purplish bruises. She carefully and slowly rubbed some balm on his shoulder, working slowly around the joint, making him raise his arm enough to rub around and into his armpit.  
"Ow." Tommy growled, his eyes fierce as he stared at her.  
"I'm sorry baby." She kissed his head and left him alone, handing the balm back to Brendan, who had been watching them the entire time, his eyes misty with his own memories.  
"Come on, Tom. Let's warm up a little."  
J.J. came for Lena as promised, just as Tommy finished a quick five minute speed rope warm up. She kissed Tommy farewell, no words spoken, and followed J.J. out the door to get escorted out to their seats. Lena was almost in tears- her nerves were jangling with the pressure; she couldn't figure out how Tommy could be so calm. Then again she also knew how intense his inner turmoil was, and that he was anything but calm in moments like these.  
Lena numbly moved alongside J.J. to their seats, and this time J.J. sat next to Sam. Both the announcers looked and sounded pumped, ready for the last match. They were on countdown, ticking off the minutes, and Lena felt the weight of each one.  
Finally the lights dimmed, and Soares music started drifting from the speakers- Frank's traditional Beethoven, and it was Symphony 7, 'Allegretto'. Lena felt a chill as it built slowly, then rang out in the arena at full throttle- the seat of her soul shifted to the overwhelming sound. After a while she could see Frank and Soares coming with a crew of men, some Nevada state athletic commission. Frank nodded toward the announcer's table, and caught Lena's eyes. He winked and smiled, then took Soares' shirt as the officials looked over the fighter. Lena watched Soares as he moved around the ring- he was lean, fluid, poised. The pit of her stomach fell into a chasm.   
Tommy's walk-out song started and the crowd went into a froth. Lena stood up with J.J. to watch Tommy and Brendan work their way through toward the octagon, Tommy hiding in his black hoodie the whole way. As he approached the octagon, he gave Lena a fist bump, Brendan following suit. Of course the announcers said her name out loud, live and on the air, making Lena burn- cameras panned on her face and she wanted to die. J.J. laughed and patted her hand.  
"You might have to get used to that, Lena," he said loudly.  
"Ugh, I don't hink I ever could." She shook her head. "It's not about me at all."  
J.J. just laughed again, and they both watched the two warriors in the octagon now, flexing, bouncing, stretching. Tommy's shoulder looked better, but Lena knew where the bruises were.  
"Attention fight fans! This is the final fight! These two men have been through the gauntlet and now is the time for them to rise, or fall! In the green shorts, weighing 185 pounds, from Curitiba, Brazil....VITOR...SOARES! And in the black shorts, weighing 185 pounds, from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania....TOMMY...CONLON!"  
Lena held her hands to her ears- the noise was unbelievable. It caused the announcers to yell into their mics. The ref called both the men to the center of the octagon and read them rules, sent them back to their corners, and called them out to fight. Lena watched in horror as Soares immediately attempted to rock Tommy's shoulder. Tommy quickly blocked and parried forward, driving Soares back against the cage with bodyshots and hooks. Soares blocked most of them and slipped through Tommy and the cage, coming around to deliver a vicious kick to Tommy's side. Tommy staggered back and the crowd was screaming, and Lena could hear a chant of Tommy's name building in the voices. Soares went after Tommy, who quickly caught him in his bulging arms and threw him to the mat, raining hellfire down- Lena could hear Frank's voice screaming 'Block! Block!!' Tommy was ruthlessly dominating Soares, until the ref yanked him off.  
Round two, and Soares was a little bloody but still plenty wily. He tried to get Tommy in an arm lock, and Lena could hear the announcers calling foul as Soares drove his elbow over and over into Tommy's shoulder, making Tommy roar in pain. The ref pulled them apart, shoving Soares almost too hard to his corner. Brendan came in and checked on Tommy, making sure he was still able to keep going. Before Brendan left he pointed a finger at Frank, shaking his head.  
The round resumed, and Tommy was looking for the finish. Soares was ready to finish it too, but Tommy was giving him nothing. Tommy advanced, almost knocking Soares down on the mat with a powered-up left hook, but Soares scrambled like a crab and half-jumped to his feet, giving Tommy a split-second to react to his retaliation- two short strong jabs and a roundhouse kick, all blocked and returned. Tommy's kick connected and Soares spun around and went down.  
"Get up! GET UP!!" Frank was screaming at the top of his lungs. Soares tried to get up but Tommy quickly fell on him and locked him up in a rolling kneebar. Soares screamed as Tommy exerted pressure on his knee, but he would not tap. After what seemed like forever, the ref pulled them apart. Soares limped away, and Frank was in the cage now, checking him over.  
Round three. Lena was sweating bullets. Soares was limping, but seemed impervious. Tommy's shoulder was a deepening red, and Lena knew it had to hurt. The fighters went at it again, but Soares was having trouble keeping up with Tommy's furious pace- he was getting battered under Tommy's vigorous and relentless attack. Soares was bleeding, limping but still standing. He countered Tommy with an uppercut, seizing a split second when Tommy was swinging- Tommy fell back on his butt, and Soares charged in, trying to get to Tommy's head and face. Tommy grabbed his ankle and wrapped his legs around Soares' neck, locking him in a perfect triangle. Soares could not lift him to slam him down and loosen him, so he fell back and grappled with Tommy on the mat. Tommy's entire young life was wrestling- Soares tried and failed to break loose. He was losing oxygen as Tommy's grip around his neck intensified. Frank was screaming "DON'T YOU TAP, DON'T YOU FUCKING TAP!!" but it was too late- Soares was turning purple and his eyes rolled back into his head. The fight was over.  
Lena jumped up, screaming her head off. Brendan grabbed her and dragged her inside the octagon with a flood of people behind her. Tommy was being pried off Soares by the ref, and the announcer shoved everyone out of the way and raised Tommy's arm in the air. The crowd was going wild, and a flood of shiny red confetti rained down slowly from the ceiling of the arena. "Hero" was playing again, and the announcer just yelled Tommy's name in a loud, drawn-out voice. Frank and his crew were waking Soares' lifeless form, while Brendan stood with Tommy, arms raised. Tommy grabbed Lena's arm and held it up with his. The camera crew followed them out and security beat back all the fans leaping towards them.  
Tommy had won Sparta. The realization of it was settling in her brain and body- she had never doubted it would happen, but the amazement she felt after watching him compete could not be verbalized. She stared at him now as he tore his handwraps off in the dressing room, ripped his shorts and cup off in front of her and Brendan without caring at all- she was in awe of his abilities. He had employed almost every martial art she could think of, and probably others she didn't recognize.  
The shower was running. Brendan was packing up his stuff, and Lena came up behind him.  
"Hey can I help?"  
Brendan hugged the life out of her and then let go. "No I'm almost done! Holy shit holy shit that was amazing!"  
Lena laughed out loud. There was at knock at the door and J.J. was busting in.  
"Well right the fuck on!" He hugged Brendan and Lena both. "Dinner and drinks on me! We gotta celebrate!"  
"Yeah, where should we meet?" Brendan threw his bag down on the couch and everyone waited for Tommy to get out.  
"Right after the press conference we're goin' to Michael Mina in the Bellagio. I'm sure Tommy will want something delicious after all this and Mina's is the shit. See you guys in a little!" J.J. was gone again.   
Tommy came out of the shower room, and he was in terrible pain. His shoulder was bruised and swollen. He managed to get his black drawstring cargo pants on, but the struggle to get his shirt on was too much. Lena helped him as best she could and Brendan helped him into a sling.  
"I brought it just in case," he said, fitting it around Tommy's back. Tears of pain streamed down Tommy's face, and his silence was enough to break Lena's heart. Brendan looked his brother in the face and sighed heavily. "We need to get you to the doc, Tom."  
Tommy nodded, sniffing and trying to breathe. "I know. It'll wait til we get back home."  
"C'mon baby." Lena wiped his face with her hands. "We gotta do the stupid press meet. Don't let them see you like this."  
Tommy nodded again. "Yeah. Let's get this over with. We got other things to do." His dark eyes locked with Lena's and she knew exactly what he was talking about.


	81. Warm Shadow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> http://youtu.be/yrIYJ1qzq4o

The halls were crowded with press and staff. Lena found herself uncharacteristically elbowing people as she and Brendan made their way down to the press room, Tommy in between them, his face blank but his eyes watering and his teeth gritted- the pain meds needed to start working soon.  
Frank and Soares were sitting at the long table already, all cameras on them. Frank was talking into a microphone about Soares' performance, and his dark eyes flickered towards Tommy, Brendan and Lena as he watched them enter the room.  
"...I still think if Vitor had another chance he would defeat Conlon in a heartbeat."  
Brendan laughed under his breath as he and Tommy approached the table and sat at their assigned seats. Soares' entire face was swollen and bruised- Tommy had made him suffer for entering the cage with him. Tommy was a little banged up, but no worse for wear after four fights in less than 48 hours. Lena sat in the audience as the press finished with Soares and concentrated on Tommy, asking essentially the same question in different forms- "How does it feel to win Sparta?" "Did you ever doubt you would win?" "Are you going to compete again next year?" Tommy answered simply in a monosyllabic tone, and Brendan found himself speaking for his brother with a little smile on his face. He knew the pain meds were kicking in, and Tommy was tuning everything out as a coping mechanism on top of it. He sat silent and still as a stone, his cold grey-blue eyes surveying the crowd.  
J.J. came out to congratulate both fighters, shaking hands with Frank and Brendan as well. He could tell Tommy wasn't feeling very well, so he disbanded the press conference and sent everyone their separate ways. Soares shook Tommy's hand for the last time, and both men murmured words to each other- it could have been a blessing or a curse, Lena couldn't tell from her seat. She stood up as the room began clearing out, the press packing up their stuff, and Frank left with Soares.  
"So now what?" Lena went into Tommy's extended right arm, hugging her body up against his side. Tommy kissed her head and held her tight.  
"Well, now we have to wait for the doctors to visit Tommy. Then we can get the hell out of here. I'm sure J.J. has everything else planned out as far as the money transfer." Brendan smiled as J.J. approached them. "Hey Boss."  
J.J. looked concerned. "Tommy, I got my own doc working tonight here, he's gonna take a look at your shoulder instead of the UFC guys. Whatever happens I'm taking care of it."  
Tommy's face screwed up. "I appreciate that, but it's not necessary-"  
"It's the least I can do. Go back to your room, wait for him. His name is Klein, and he should be there soon. I gotta go get the paperwork and my goddamn attorney so we can get everything signed, get the money in the bank!" J.J. clapped Brendan's shoulder, smiling. "See you guys in a minute!"  
The trio slowly made their way back to the dressing room, with Tommy listing like a ship. Brendan had to switch places with Lena so he could help hold Tommy up as they walked. The drugs were kicking in and the adrenaline had washed out of Tommy's body, leaving him staggering.  
"Is he gonna be OK?" Lena was past worried. Brendan nodded yes, but his eyes told another story.  
"I'munnabefine, doll." Tommy's voice was raspy and slurred. Brendan's eyes pierced Lena's for a moment. Suddenly it dawned on her that the brothers had made this walk before- the first Sparta.  
Back in the room, Tommy stretched out on the couch. Brendan put the ice pack back on his shoulder, but Tommy didn't seem to notice. He had his right arm across his eyes to block out the annoying fluorescent lighting, and was humming softly under his breath, Lena couldn't make out what tune it was. She and Brendan sat at a little table in the room, waiting for someone to come in, something to happen. Brendan pulled a pack of cards from out of nowhere and started shuffling, then dealt them out to both Lena and himself.  
"Where did you get those?" Lena smiled.  
"I figured we would need 'em. Got 'em from Luxor." He held up the back of one of his cards to show her a pyramid design and the Luxor logo.  
"What are we playing?"  
"You know how to play Spades?" He winked. Lena nodded and started organizing her hand, while Tommy's humming intensified in volume. She strained to make out the melody, and Brendan smiled behind his cards, watching her lean in her chair and listen closely.  
"'Go On Home, British Soldiers.'" Brendan shook his head. "One of Pop's old tunes. Used to sing it when he was plastered."  
Lena sighed heavily, settling back in her chair. "Is he going to be OK?"  
Brendan didn't look at her as he flipped his cards around in his hand. "Dunno. He prolly needs surgery. Again."  
"I can't help but worry..."  
Brendan rested his hand to look at her, his eyes regarding her knowingly. "The worst is over, Lena. He'll have all the time in the world to heal now."  
Just then there was a knock at the door, and before she or Brendan could get up, it swung open. J.J. led a small group of men into the room, one carrying an attache case, one carrying a small luggage bag, and the last man carried a laptop.  
"Hey guys, how's our boy doin' over here?" J.J. knelt down to look at Tommy, who peeked out from under his arm.  
"Hey J.J.."  
"Tom, we got some people here to see you." He waved the others over. "This is my lawyer Greg Valetta, and my personal doc Will Klein- guys this is my superstar, Tommy Conlon. Take care of him, OK Klein? Find out how bad this is. Greg, get those documents ready."  
The doctor made Tommy sit up so he could examine him, while Greg had his assistant set up the laptop, and then hand Brendan a stack of paperwork. Lena stood off to the side and watched the doctor make Tommy move his shoulder in a series of uncomfortable motions, making him cry out in pain. Brendan flipped through the papers, and J.J. motioned for him to sign or initial in certain spots, then he gestured for Lena to come over to the table.  
"I need your signature here, kid." J.J. handed Lena a shiny gold pen and gestured to a paper with a yellow indicator on it- she recognized her own bank account numbers as she read the paper; on it was the actual amount to be transferred- $3,250,000.00. Her mouth dropped open, and she froze.  
"Uh...but, but...it's my bank account listed here." Her mouth had gone dry and she had mushmouth. J.J. smiled kindly, knowing she was finally being let it on the little surprise Tommy had saved.  
"Lena, it's OK. Tommy gave us your information. I guess he didn't tell you, huh?"  
Lena couldn't speak, she just shook her head 'no'. J.J. chuckled.  
"Well, this is happening, dear. So please just sign at the yellow arrow." He patted her shoulder and watched as she scrawled her name on the document. She looked a little pale, so J.J. guided her back to the chair she had been sitting in.  
"Please stop, OK? I can't take it anymore." Tommy's husky broken voice vibrated throughout the room, cutting through all the noise to make everyone stop and pay attention.  
"Sorry, Mr.Conlon, I just need to make sure it's not broken-"  
"It's not." Tears stood in Tommy's eyes. Pain is such a bitch, Lena thought, feeling so helpless, watching him suffer.  
"-but it is dislocated. Must have slipped out of joint." As the doctor spoke, Tommy's eyes closed and his face went slack. "We're going to have to put it back."  
J.J. walked over to the doctor. "What are you sayin'? You have to relocate his shoulder?"  
"Yeah, J.J., that's what has to happen. You should ask one of those security men if they can come in here."  
"Just. Do. It." Tommy spoke slowly and clearly. He still had his eyes closed. J.J. turned and looked at Lena.  
"You may not want to be here for this," he said.  
"Um, I'm not going anywhere."  
"Lena," said Brendan in his big brother voice. "Really you should go."  
She bit her tongue and shook her head, crossing her arms over her chest. "No."  
J.J. smiled at her, and Brendan shook his head, his lips in a tight white line. Meanwhile the lawyer's assistant set his laptop down on the little table next to Lena, and gestured for her to give him her attention.  
"Mrs.Conlon, I have some documents you must sign electronically..."  
She looked at the assistant briefly but her eyes stayed on the couch- she watched a security guard come into the room. She proceeded to sign all the documents on the laptop but kept looking over to see what was going on. The doctor had given Tommy a shot of something, probably something for pain, and moved Tommy to the floor. The doc wrapped a long towel crossways over Tommy's torso, under his bad shoulder. The security guard had ahold of it and the doctor was grabbing Tommy's arm.  
"OK, I need you to pull the towel towards you and keep his body straight." The doc pointed at the security guard and looked closely at him. "You got it? Good. Brendan, come over here and stand next to me...I need you to help in case...I gave him enough meds it should knock him out, I won't be able to do this if he's awake. He's too strong." Brendan got into position and the doc nodded. "Ready? 3...2...1..."  
Lena gasped in horror as Tommy let out a tortured scream- she couldn't see through the wall of men standing in the way. Tears sprang to her eyes as she leapt to her feet and rushed over to her husband. The huddled group of men were taking a step back now-the doc busily wrapped Tommy's arm as he sat on the floor, drugged and soundlessly weeping. The doc listened to the blood flow in his arm with a stethoscope in different places. Lena knelt down next to Tommy and kissed his cheek, brushing the tears away, and Brendan rested his hand on her shoulder comfortingly.  
"OK, it sounds good. Let's get him back on the couch..." The doc gestured to Brendan and the security guard, and together the three men lifted Tommy off the floor and rested him on the couch. Tommy was in between sleep and tears, his eyes never opening, and Lena sat on the floor beside him to stroke his hair and murmur in his ear.  
"So how soon before we can get him back to the hotel, doc?" Brendan had wanted out of the dressing room thirty minutes ago. He rubbed his hands together, watching the doc and the lawyer pack up their things in preparation to leave.  
"The medicine I gave him is strong but fast-acting. He should be waking up in about thirty minutes or so, and he should be able to walk on his own." The doc flipped Brendan a card. "Here's my number, I'll be in town for a few days. Call me if you need anything. If his arm should swell or if there's any numbness or tingling, take him to the E.R.. Blood flow sounded good but there's always a chance something got caught when I slipped his arm back into the socket. OK?"  
"OK. Thanks for everything." Brendan shook his hand, and the doctor left. The lawyer and his personal assistant were next, shaking hands and exiting quickly.  
"Anything else I can do, Mr.Riley?" The security guard stood almost as tall as J.J.  
"Nah Jimmy, we're good. Thanks for helping out." J.J. held the door open and the security guard left, wishing Brendan and Lena well. Finally, Brendan, Lena and J.J. were the only ones left, and they all watched Tommy as he drifted somewhere in between states of consciousness.  
“How you guys gonna get him back to the hotel?” J.J. shook his head, rubbing his neck absently. “I mean, I can help you out…security can get him in a wheelchair and get him inside-“  
“I’m not fuckin’ crippled.” Tommy’s rasping voice was no more than a dry rough whisper, but everyone heard him. His head rolled on the arm of the couch and he tried to focus wet slitty eyes on the blurry faces in his limited field of vision. “I can walk.”  
Lena leaned down and kissed his pale lips. “You shouldn’t have to.”  
Tommy shook his head again. “I’m walkin’ out…not rollin’.”  
Lena looked askance at Brendan, who could only shrug his shoulders. He knew how Tommy was, and he knew there was no way he would get in a wheelchair unless he absolutely had to.  
“Just gimme a few minutes, OK?” He struggled to sit up, and with Lena’s help he was sitting upright with his bare feet on the cold tile floor. His head was spinning from all the drugs in his system, and he had to hold his head for a moment.  
“Baby, you OK?” Lena’s whisper in his ear made him shiver. He took a deep breath and stood up. Lena and Brendan caught him as he swayed back, then tilted forward, and finally found his balance.  
“Bren….” Tommy’s eyes rolled to the side in search of his brother.  
“Yeah Tom?” Brendan had his arm around Tommy’s waist.  
“Grab all our shit…we’re leavin’.”  
J.J. was already making phone calls, and security was back in the room with a utility cart to load up the few bags they had. Someone had a pair of flip flops for Tommy, and the group made the staggering walk back to the hotel room.  
“So I guess this means no goin’ out, guys.” J.J. smiled as he pulled the utility cart behind him. In the back and foreground security was busy tossing Tommy’s rabid fans out of the way to clear a path. “But I’ll tell ya what…you guys order through room service, I don’t care what it is or how much, it’s on me. Tommy, you put up one hell of a fight tonight.” Tommy turned his head toward J.J. but Lena was pretty sure he wasn’t understanding him. “I never had any doubt you would win. You’re the face of Sparta. I hope you’re as excited as I am.”  
Lena and Brendan exchanged a glance as Tommy’s head hung back down. It looked as though he were sleepwalking.  
“OK, this is where we part ways.” J.J. passed the cart off to security. “I got lots of shit to do before I go back to New York. You guys have a safe trip home. I’ll be in touch.” J.J. half-hugged Lena and shook Brendan’s free hand. “Take care.”  
Somehow two massive security guards stuffed themselves into the elevator with Lena, Brendan and Tommy, and the utility cart too. The ride up the elevator was silent and strange, besides Tommy muttering inaudibly as he slumped against Brendan.  
Once out of the elevator Lena got ahead of the group and opened their suite door. Brendan hauled Tommy off to bed, and Lena tried her best to help. Security left the cart in the foyer and rejected Brendan’s attempts to tip them for their help, instead wished them a good night and shut the door.  
Lena and Brendan stood in the middle of the darkened hotel room and looked at each other.  
“I still can’t believe it.” Brendan hugged her briefly. “I gotta call Tess and the girls. You need anything?”  
“No…I don’t think so…? I’m gonna check on Tommy, make sure he’s OK.”  
“I’m sure he’s fine, Lena. The doc gave him some pretty powerful shit. If you need anything come get me, OK? Maybe we can order some food when Tommy wakes up.” He squeezed her shoulder and went into his room. Lena turned towards the room where her husband drowsed in bed. She was in a state of shock- the entire weekend had left her numb with all the emotional ups and downs and adrenaline rushes.  
The room was cool and softly aglow with the Vegas nightlife outside. Tommy was tucked in the bed, the fluffy comforter belying his size beneath. She stripped down to her undies and crawled in, slipping beneath the covers to find his warm heavy frame there, still and leaden. She was only too aware of his arm still in the sling, so she carefully ran her hand up his chest, stealing kisses on his cheek and browbone.  
“Mmm…Lena…” His right hand reached over to grab hers as it rested on his chest. He turned his head and pressed his lips to hers with a soft growl, and he guided her hand down to slide under the string of his pants. She found him half-erect there, and he took in a sharp breath as she stroked him carefully.  
“But…Tommy, you’re in pain, how are we-“  
“Lemme worry about that.” He started to slide his body sideways, shoving her to the end of the bed. “Get on the other side.” She had no choice but to follow his husky-throated commands. She slid back in, on the side he had been on, and she found herself quickly overwhelmed as he rounded on his good shoulder to kiss and caress her, only to pull her on top of him when he fell onto his back again.  
“Help me,” he rasped, pulling at the drawstring of his pants. Lena was on her knees in an instant, slipping his pants down and off as he fluidly moved his hips to facilitate it. “Get on top.” She practically tore her undies off and straddled his hips, and sensing the electric current of his hairy thighs brushing against her smooth bottom, she impaled herself on his stiff cock. She cried out behind tightly sealed lips and thrilled at the sound of Tommy’s throaty moan of joy and pleasure.  
“Oh fucking finally,” he breathed, his head rolling on the pillow. “Don’t stop.” His hand was on her hip, urging her forward, his lips smacking together as another deep gravelly groan bubbled out of him. Her hands were on his wide chest, rubbing and tugging at the hair there, her body felt like a waterfall gushing all over him with juices, her heart was exploding and her nipples were so hard they almost hurt as the crazed current electrified her- she was flashing hot and cold, and his name became a breathless desperate cry she sputtered out over and over again. Through hooded eyes she stared down at his perfect physique, black tats on skin shiny with sweat, hard little nipples pointing at her, and his beautiful face- a sweet dirty angel that loved being inside her; the drugs released him from any restraint and his joy and ecstasy showed through like never before, spurring her faster toward orgasm. She realized as it fully hit her that she had been coming ever since she sat on him. It pulled her apart, she felt her body shredding in the thin atmosphere as she violently rocketed up into the outer limits- she forgot about Brendan being next door and let go, her voice ringing out in the room, and Tommy drove upwards hard into her wet fount, pushing her further out into pulsing blinding madness. One fist beat his chest, her other hand held onto a fistful of sheets- Tommy was soaked with juices, she could feel the searing flood everywhere. She looked down in her haze and saw his face twist with the sweet agony of release- he gave her a flood too, his voice a husky broken cry as the entire weekend of waiting, fighting, waiting some more… all the tension and jangled nerves, finally relinquished hold on him and he was free, his body a tensing bridge beneath her, arching upwards to shoot it all inside her.  
“Oh Lena….” Tommy fell back, gasping for air, his eyelids like heavy curtains he couldn’t raise. Lena fell forward, shuddering to a stop. Her body was still beyond her control.  
“Baby…” She finally tipped over and crashed down beside him, unable to take a deep breath. Her eyes still held dots of light somewhere in the hazy mist of her vision. She knew she needed to go get a towel, but there was no way she would try to stand just yet. She caressed his wet skin, her fingertips running through little pools of sweat on his heaving chest and belly.  
“Let’s get married…all over again…”  
Lena smiled, forcing herself to pick up her wet heavy head to look at him. He looked like he had just crawled out of the sea.  
“I mean it…” He turned his head toward her but still couldn’t open his eyes. “When we get home…OK?”  
She rubbed her face against his, and he caught her lips in his teeth, and kissed her slowly, deeply, his voice vibrating in a growl right through her. She shuddered as he gently snared a breast in his hand and massaged it, his kiss lingering. She nodded as best she could, and Tommy pulled back to try and look at her. His eyes barely opened, she only saw a sliver of moisture show between his lids.  
“Yeah?”  
“Yeah. Anything you want Tommy.”  
He closed his eyes again and rested his head straight on the pillow, taking a deep breath.  
“You know what I want right now?” His voice was barely above a whisper.  
“What baby?”  
“Steak. No, wait. A cheeseburger.” He smiled at the thought. “Yeah.”  
Lena laughed. “You want me to order you a cheeseburger?”  
Tommy laughed a little under his breath too. “Oh yeah.”  
“French fries?”  
“Hmm…nah. Just the cheeseburger.”  
Lena sat up slowly, feeling very woozy. She found her way to the bathroom and used it, and came out with a towel for Tommy. He sounded like he was asleep, but when Lena touched him with the towel he smiled at her, his eyes finally opening to look at her.  
“You know what we did tonight, right?”  
“Hmm, tell me baby,” she said as she wiped him down.  
“We made history. Both me and Bren won Sparta now. There’s all kinds of things happenin'…our family will be set for life.”  
Lena looked down at him, leaned over him to rub her nose against his. “Why did you put the money in my account, Tommy?”  
“Cuz I know you’ll take care of it. You know what to do with it better than me. I don’t want to fuck it up. We gotta take care of the little one.”  
“Yeah but…you could have opened an account or something-“  
“No. It’s our money. I trust you. No one else. OK?” His eyes pierced her in the near darkness. Lena nodded, looking back at him as she rubbed the towel along his thighs.  
“OK.”  
“I love you, Lena.” His hand cupped her face as he gazed at her, until finally he smiled. “Please feed me, baby. I think I’m dyin’.”


	82. Audentes Fortuna Iuvat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> FORTUNE FAVORS THE BOLD!

“Well,” Brendan sighed, watching the cart as it was wheeled in,”it’s about damn time.”  
Lena looked ashamed as she giggled softly. “Sorry, Bren.”  
He shrugged, looking at her innocently. “I was crazy in love once too. Still am.” As soon as he tipped the attendant and shut the door, he grabbed the lids off the plates and located his steak and shrimp extravaganza, and snatched it off the cart, with a beer too.  
“Sorry Lena, but I can’t wait anymore. I think my nerves are shot.” He sat down on the couch in front of the TV and switched it on. “You take the cart in, I got this.”  
Lena smiled again, still feeling embarrassed. “OK. See you in a while, Bren.”  
“You guys need me, lemme know.” He waved at her as he chomped on a shrimp, cocktail sauce on his lip. Lena waved back and went back into the dark room where Tommy was waiting. She turned on the light as she rolled in, and Tommy winced at the intrusion.  
“Hey.” Gingerly he sat up as she unfolded a napkin on his lap. “Smells good.” Lena chuckled a little, setting the plate on top of the napkin. “What’s so funny? Hmm?”  
“Your hair is so fucked up. Just reminds me of why…” She was handing him another napkin when he gently grabbed her wrist and looked into her eyes-his were unfocused and blurry, pupils large and black with a narrow rim of blue around them.  
“The night’s not over, doll.” His boyish smile broke through his grim expression. “C’mon, just teasin’ you.”  
Lena sat across from the bed on a little chair nearby, her back to the large windows twinkling with Vegas nightlife below. She sipped her butternut squash soup and watched Tommy annihilate a half-pound cheeseburger and wash it down with an ice cold beer. She was still finishing her soup when he sat back against the headboard, wiping ketchup and grease off his face with a sigh and a happy smile.  
“Oh I’m gonna regret that later.” He rubbed his full belly with his free hand, closing his eyes.  
“Christ almighty, did you even taste it?” Lena drank down the rest of her soup and stood up to take his plate and set everything on the cart. She couldn’t remember ever seeing his belly that round.  
“Not really.”  
She rolled the cart out where Brendan sat, watching the Sparta highlight show. He had cleaned his plate as well.  
“Damn, you Conlon men are ridiculous.”  
Brendan had sunk into the couch in pain. “I don’t think I can eat for a week. Maybe.”  
Lena cleaned up his plate too, ignoring his protests. “What are they saying?”  
Brendan smiled. “Best tournament in years. The Conlons bring the sport back to real life, far from the polished corporate showcase Sparta has become. The heart is back in the fight. That’s what they’re sayin’.”  
Lena did a little dance of joy that made Brendan laugh.  
“And the announcers say that J.J.Riley has a press meet in New York in two weeks to announce something big. So…” Brendan pointed at the open bedroom door where Tommy lay trying to digest. “I think our boy may know something about that.”  
Lena stood still. “This is gonna be a big change, isn’t it?”  
Brendan looked away with a sardonic smile. “Uh…well…I guess we’ll see, won’t we?”  
Lena didn’t like his tone. She felt worried but tried to shake it off, and Brendan caught her shiver as she turned without a word to go to bed.  
“Hey. Lena, wait.” Lena looked back into his ice blue gaze. “Don’t worry about it, OK? Tommy’s gonna be really busy for a while, but it'll work out. Promise.”  
“OK. Goodnight Bren.” Lena shut the door and looked over at Tommy- he was fast asleep sitting up, his hand still on his full belly. She wondered about all the changes that were coming, and hoped he was going to be ready to face them head-on when the time came.  
THE NEXT MORNING. Lena was reaching for Tommy in the dim light of dawn, but he was missing. She decided she wasn’t going to panic first, and slowly turned her head to look at the clock-6:55 A.M.  
“Ugghh,” she sighed, dropping her head back down onto the pillow. Why did it have to be so early? She willed her limbs to move and made her way to the bathroom to pee and run a shower. Someone had already been there- the smell of man soap was still in the moist air.  
After waking up in the water, she got dressed in her favorite pair of jeans that would not be fitting her for much longer, a blood red Sparta shirt, and her comfy black sandals, and ventured into the main room of the suite. Brendan was busy packing in his room, some folksy sounding guitar music wafting out of his open door. No Tommy anywhere.  
“Yo! Bren!” Lena walked up to his door, and he stopped folding clothes into his suitcase with a smile.  
“Hey, how you doin’.”  
“So, where’s our champion?”  
“He’s downstairs with J.J. Guess his flight got delayed. He wanted to catch up with Tommy.” Brendan raised his eyebrows. “You hungry?”  
Lena and Brendan found themselves elbow deep in a breakfast buffet downstairs. She really didn’t feel hungry until she saw and smelled all the food- eggs, hash browns, the works.  
She sat across from Brendan now, her eyes wide at the overfilled plate in front of him.  
“Jesus.”  
“What? We got a long flight." He flashed her a peace sign."Two layovers!”  
Lena laughed softly. “Yeah, whatever you say. If I ate like you I wouldn’t be able to get away with the pregnancy excuse. I’d be the size of a frickin’ whale and end up thrown into the ocean by Greenpeace or whatever.”  
Brendan almost choked on his bacon. “I’m sure Tommy would have something to say about that.”  
“Speaking of, here he comes.” Lena watched Tommy come into focus, noticing right away he was looking better than he had in a while. Blue jeans, plain grey shirt, and a light jacket on. He was striding over to their table, and he was smiling to himself.  
“What are you guys doin’.” He shoved Brendan over in his booth seat to sit across from Lena, and surreptitiously snatched a piece of bacon off Brendan’s plate, getting his hand smacked away in the process.  
“Hey. Get yer own.” Brendan sounded garbled through a mouthful of food. Tommy smiled at Lena like a bad little boy.  
“You’re in a great mood.” Lena found his leg under the table with her foot and rubbed it. “What you been up to, Conlon?”  
Tommy giggled a little. “Makin’ plans. Things are happenin’.”  
“Alright.” Brendan drank down half his orange juice. “What plans. Time to tell.”  
“I just signed a ten year contract with J.J. He’s payin’ me $500,000 up front as of the signing and $3 million annually.”  
“For what?!?” Brendan looked almost angry.  
“Technical advisor.”  
“What does that mean?” Good thing Brendan could talk, because Lena couldn’t.  
“Lots of things…he wants me on the team. He wants me to coordinate things for him, meet people, take pictures, be on the scene. He says it’s a wide-open thing and the job will evolve as time goes on. He wants to teach me everything he knows.”  
Lena still couldn’t speak, but she tried. “Is this year-round? I mean…are you gonna have to move to New York, or…”  
“No, we ain’t movin’. Period. And yeah it’s year-round, but not full-time until Sparta starts gearin’ up.”  
Brendan looked a little exasperated. “So…you’re gonna just, I dunno, follow him around? You gonna get paid to be his friend?”  
Tommy couldn’t hide his irritation. “No. Lot more than that, thanks Bren. He wants the skills I learned in the Marines, and my skills in the cage, to help him with coordinate Sparta. Does that sound like just bein’ his friend?”  
Lena grabbed Tommy’s hand. “Baby that’s great. I’m really happy for you.”  
Tommy smiled wide at her, grasping her hand tightly. “Happy for us.”  
“Yeah.” She smiled slowly, easily. It was starting to sink in, and she really was happy about it. This was going to be good for Tommy, keep him active and busy and using the skills he already had, plus maybe even learn a few new ones. He was going to have to be around lots of different people and work with them-she only hoped he would be able to take it. She knew how exhausting it was doing her job, she could only imagine how tough it would be trying to deal with PTSD along with it.  
Lena looked into Tommy’s eyes, and the bright blue and green tones within shone back at her. Brendan looked almost glum. She remembered something he had told her that long tipsy night they had gone barhopping looking for Tommy- “I was never enough for Pop, always second best, always behind Tommy.” She looked at Brendan and felt a little sad for him. He looked almost hurt.  
“Good for you, Tommy. I mean it. That’s great.”  
“Yeah…it’s crazy. Can’t believe it.”  
Lena lifted his hand to her lips and kissed his knuckles. “So now what?”  
“Now we go home. I’m supposed to get a flight to New York in about two weeks-“  
“Yeah he was on ESPN saying he has a big press meet in two weeks.” Brendan tossed his half-eaten toast down onto his plate, looking like he lost his appetite.  
“What’s your problem, Bren?” Tommy wasn’t going to let this go any longer.  
“What, I don’t have a problem, Tommy. I told you I’m happy for you.”  
“You don’t look too happy.”  
Brendan sighed heavily. “I just think it sounds too good to be true, Tom. Like if there’s no actual name for your position, anything could happen. I mean you could end up runnin’ coffee for him or something.”  
“Did I say technical advisor? Cuz that’s the name of the position. That not good enough?”  
“Sounds too vague, I dunno-“  
“Well Brendan, I already signed the contract, so…and I’m pretty sure J.J. isn’t out to screw me.”  
Brendan shrugged. “Just lookin’ out for ya.”  
Tommy just looked down, nodding. Lena was relieved. She was worried it was going to escalate into a full-on fight.  
“So the flight’s leavin’ in less than two hours…you guys ready?”  
Brendan looked at Lena, then finally at his brother. “Yeah man, I got my room packed up.”  
“We can finish up when we get back there,” Lena said with a smile. Tommy’s eyebrows raised a little and she had to stifle a giggle.  
“Yeah we should do that,” he said under his breath, and he rubbed his leg against hers eagerly.

Lena and Tommy went upstairs while Brendan decided to do a quick look around the stores in the Bay for some last minute gifts. In the elevator Tommy and Lena held hands tightly, pressed up against the back wall, and a group of Japanese tourists crowded in with them on the first floor. Lena was looking ahead at nothing as the elevator rose, when she got the feeling she was being watched. She turned her head just a little and caught Tommy openly staring at her, a little smile playing on his lips. She laughed softly, and he grabbed her and kissed her passionately, and the entire elevator hummed with disapproval. It didn’t stop Tommy- he could have cared less. His good hand ran down her side and grabbed her hip, pulling her closer. The elevator suddenly emptied out, and before she was even aware of it the doors had chimed and opened to their floor. Tommy’s kiss was wet and hot and demanding- he fought to kiss her, taste her, devour her.  
They moved out of the elevator and down the hall, clothes coming off before he could slide the key in the doorlock- Tommy was practically tearing his sweater off, then quickly freeing himself of the sling his arm was in, he was pulling at her clothes too. She helped him out of his shirt and was out of her clothes in a split second, eager to feel his skin against hers- the warmth and firmness, the curling hair tickling her, his breath hot on her skin, his every molecule riveted on her in unbridled concupiscence.  
“I told ya didn’t I,” he breathed, holding her against him as he rushed to the bedroom, slamming the door shut and tossing her on the bed- the maids had been by and it was neatly made, but not for long.  
“What baby,” she whispered, taking him in her arms, their naked bodies twisting together and thrumming with friction. Tommy’s full salacious mouth was on her face, her mouth, her neck, her collarbone, teeth biting.  
“I was gonna make it up to ya…everythin’, all of it.” Suddenly he had stopped and was above her, looking down at her. His face was beautiful in its maleness, perfect angles and soft curves, glowing dark Atlantic sea blue eyes gazing at her through a haze of lust. “You’re my world…and our baby…I don’t want you to worry about anything anymore. I got us.”  
Lena looked up at him and touched his pinkened cheeks and lips. Her eyes swam with tears and she sighed.  
“It’s more than money, Tommy-“  
“No, listen to me. Before you, I didn’t have a reason. I had Pop, but I didn’t give a fuck about myself. Not really. And then you…I found the one thing I never thought I would. Peace. Meaning. Love. Watchin’ Bren with his family, the whole time I was jealous, resentful. I gave up the dream of havin’ somethin’ of my own a long time ago. But then you found me.” Now he had tears in his eyes too, and Lena caught them on her hands as they fell and she caressed his face. “You are The One, my One. I don’t know how it happened but it made me think there just might be a God again.”  
She didn’t know what to say, but she tried. “It’s our life together, Tommy. I’m with you all the way. You’ll never be left alone again.” She held him as he wept, all the while his kisses came through his little sobs, soft and wet working down her shoulders, her sternum, her breasts, his hot stinging lips teasing at her nipples, down her belly to her quivering sex- she was such a mess of emotion and sensation, something only Tommy could do to her. She was breathless and frozen to the bed as he touched and explored her with his mouth, then his fingers, making her whimper and hyperventilate. Every tongue stroke, every blowing kiss, every nibble made her cry out, the sensation magnified by her tumultuous emotions- her need to protect him, fight for him, stand with him, hold him, love him, nurture him, feed him and fuck him and be his friend, lover and confidant, and all the worries that the unknown future presented her with, turned her into a tuning fork for his libido, and that was something of a volcanic, animalistic need in him; like a team of horses broken free of their reins it teemed, surged and swelled, and chased away his every thought. He only knew he wanted her, needed her, like a drug she was essential to his life, and he was on the verge of joyful madness when he was in her arms, more free than he had ever felt.  
“Tommy!” She was grasping at nothing, her arms splayed out along the comforter and her hands desperately clutching at the fabric. “I’m…coming…!!”  
She swore she heard an evil chuckle, and he had her hips in an armlock, his mouth passionately kissing her sex and his fingers driving hard inside her. She couldn’t stand it, and she let go into a luxurious decadent eruption, something so intense and so very good she almost felt guilty enjoying it so much. Tommy didn’t let go until she begged him, and when he came up to kiss her his face was wet with sweat and tears and juices, and he tasted like what their love felt like- salty and sweet, carnal and addictive as hell.  
“My turn,” he breathed. She knew he had to be in pain but the endorphin rush was all he needed to see it through. She watched his body in half-shadow as he rubbed her numb and tingling pussy with the head of his thick full cock before negotiating his entrance, his face a mask of intensity and pleasure, his dilated eyes on hers, then down- he was watching too, watching her face as he slid inside, slowly, enjoying her expression as he filled her to the hilt.  
“Mmm…that’s mine, all of it…” His gravelly voice tugged at her brain, vibrated deep in the pleasure center, making her shiver and moan helplessly. His hips pistoned back and forth as he found his rhythm, on his knees with her impaled on him. “Tell me it’s mine, Lena.”  
“It’s yours, Tommy…everything, all of it…”  
He groaned deep in his throat, rolling his head back as he rocked her a little harder. She thought she was losing her mind as another orgasm started building in a bundle of nerves somewhere- her brain and body were one, and he was her cypher, the key that unlocked all of the secrets of her body, ones not even she knew of.  
Tommy had no issue with exhibiting how much he loved being inside of her, that he never wanted it to stop, and he was taking his time. It seemed like forever, but a short weekend without it made him appreciate it just that much more. She watched him in all his glory, sweat running down his muscled chest and belly, his hair dark and wet, his face explicitly emoting his lascivious ecstasy. He sucked in his bottom lip as he picked up speed, looking down at her, his eyes boring into her.  
“Come again, Lena.”  
“Ah Tommy…can’t I can’t…”  
“Oh yes, you will.” He arched his back just enough that he torpedoed that spot that he had found, that belonged only to him. She left her body for a moment when it happened- the electric explosion was wild and sudden, her hips bucked uncontrollably as atoms smashed inside her, a technicolor fireworks show that blew the top of her head off, and she was totally unaware of the juices soaking Tommy’s skin as he railed her into another Universe entirely, his cock like a battering ram inside her, every thrust in was another jarring jolt through parallel worlds, and every aspect of it carried an ecstasy so great she thought she would die on the spot from it.  
She was back in her skin again and he was on top of her, grinding and moaning her name, the rounded muscles of his body like multiple fulcrums to pivot his glorious cock deeper inside her- she wanted to hold him to her and thrust back, but it was impossible. It was Tommy’s show, and he wanted to get everything he could from it while giving her the same. His hips went clockwise and her eyes rolled back in her head as she cried out in a broken voice; his mouth was open and gasping against her forehead, his hand clutching the back of her neck, and she felt him starting to tremble- he was getting close, so very close.  
“I-can’t…hold it anymore…Lena…” His voice growled in her ear, making her shudder. She could feel the orgasm bearing down on him, and it came on like a hurricane, roaring and blowing his world apart. He fell to pieces in her arms, shuddering and sputtering, thrusting deep and hard until he lost control of that too. She watched him die a sweet death, flooding her with his come, his skin red and hot like the hood of a car after a race, his sweat raining down on her and his voice a plaintive hitching sob-like cry- all this was hers, and she locked it all up in a box of secret treasures deep in her soul, dedicated to Tommy and her undying love for him.


	83. A Revenant

The flight home was long- Brendan was right about the two layovers. Lena tried to rest as much as possible, and since she found herself uncontrollably falling asleep regularly, resting was easy to do. Tommy was wound up tight, full of anticipation to get back home, driving Brendan nuts with his restless leg issues.  
It was 5:45 when their plane landed in Pittsburgh. Lena felt relieved and happy to be home- it was warm and sunny, and she took the long way home, windows down and sunroof open while the strains of alt-J and Incubus, the Black Keys and Fink filled the interior of her little hatchback. Tommy sat next to her, his arm in a sling but smiling to himself anyway. Brendan seemed to be in another world, quiet and watching the world go by from the backseat.Cal had sent the same text to Brendan and Lena both- “Yo! As soon as you guys get settled, come to Vince’s- we’ll be waiting for you!” Lena dropped Brendan off first, under agreement to meet up at Vince’s in an hour.  
“Where are you going to put it?” Lena asked, pushing her shades up on top of her head. Tommy stared into her dark eyes for a moment, smiling ever so slightly.  
“Where am I gonna put what?”  
She laughed at his saucy expression. “Your Sparta belt, silly!”  
“Oh. Hmm.” He shrugged. “Dunno. Haven’t thought about it.”  
“I think I have the place for it…”  
“Oh yeah?”  
“Above the mantle of the new home we’re going to buy soon.”  
Tommy wrinkled his nose. “Nah. Too tacky. I have a better idea.”  
“Yeah, where?”  
“I think I wanna give it to you and your uncle. Y’know, hang there somewhere in the restaurant.”  
Lena smiled. “Yeah, but Tommy…you worked so hard for that. You should have it somewhere in our house.”  
“Well,” he sighed, looking out his window. “We’ll see. Lots of other things we gotta think about right now.”  
“Yeah, like getting married again! That’s the big one.”  
“You pick the place, doll. I trust your judgment. I’ll help ya anyway I can…but I got no idea how to plan somethin’ like that.”  
“Me neither! I’m sure we can get a collective going and figure it all out.”She pulled up to the apartment and opened the remote control gate, and eased on in. “I want it as simple and tasteful as possible.”  
“Listen, doll. You get your bag and carry-on, I’ll get the rest of the stuff.”  
“Tommy, you can’t-“  
“I don’t care if it takes me ten trips, you’re not draggin’ this shit upstairs. OK?”  
Lena locked eyes with him, her irritation obvious, but Tommy gave her nothing in his blank expression. She lost the staring contest-he was forever stubborn. Someone had to give in, and it was usually her.  
Even though Lena was so very happy to be home, and wanted nothing more than to hide out at her apartment with Tommy for the evening, she knew there was a need to be at the restaurant. She took a shower, fixed her hair and makeup, and came out to the living room to find Tommy drinking coffee and reading the paper. She smiled, watching him for a moment. All the little moments, the most irreverent and easiest to take for granted, were the ones she smuggled away in her memory bank.  
“Hey, hot stuff.” She kissed the top of his head. “What are you reading?”  
“Classifieds.” He didn’t look up, just took another swig of his coffee. He must have run down to the convenience store while she was in the shower- there were fresh roses on the study table, and a new bottle of Jameson by the coffee pot.  
“Yeah, what for?” She opened the fridge to grab a bottle of water and found a quart of milk and a few oranges there too. She had cleaned the fridge out before they had left, so she knew it was Tommy.  
“Whaddya think, doll? Lookin’ at houses for sale.”  
“Hmm.” She looked over at him- he was still dressed in his jeans and tight-fitting Sparta shirt he had left Vegas in. “So you gonna be ready to head over to Vince’s?”  
“Yeah.” He folded the paper as best he could with one hand and stood up. “Let’s go.” He smiled at her softly, his eyes a little hazy- Jameson and vicodin. Lena took in a deep breath and smiled back.  
Lena could not find a place to park at Vince’s, not even in the back. She had to park down the street and walk with Tommy to the front door. She could see familiar faces through the glass door as she pushed it open- Vince and Sarah, Brendan and Tess, Senna and Rita, Cal and Colt and most of the gym rats from his place, plus the staff- everyone happy and drinking, Dean Martin blaring from the speakers. As soon as the group caught Tommy and Lena coming in, the cheers were near-deafening. Vince was first to shake Tommy’s hand and congratulate him, then everyone else followed suit, Senna foregoing the handshake thing to give Tommy a great big hug.  
Vince had Butch bring out a enormous cake shaped like Tommy’s championship belt. As Lena made her way through the crowds to visit with everyone, the warm amber tide of liquor flowed in Tommy’s direction, and he was promptly soused in under the first hour. Lena stayed with her mom and Rita, listening to their idea of moving in together and selling Rita’s place. Cal wanted to move closer to Colt’s- he was already looking at lofts in the area. Lena liked the idea- the two women were best friends and looked after each other anyway, why not just co-habitate? Cal and Brendan were seeing to Tommy at the bar, and Tess came over to hang out with Lena, Rita and Senna, when Vince tapped Lena’s shoulder and gestured for her to follow him.  
Once they were in the back office, Vince shut the door behind them.  
“Sit down.”   
Lena felt a little nervous as he sat on the desk beside her, looking down at her with hazy grappa-goggles.  
“What’s up Uncle Vince?”  
“OK, so as you can see, Sarah came home on her own. But I still want to leave town for a while. I need a break.”  
“Of course, Unc, no problem-“  
“Yeah but I want you to know I could be gone awhile. There’s some shit goin’ down and I don’t know how long I’ll be-“  
“Is everything OK?”  
“Nothin’ you should concern yourself with. But Butch is here to help you, and that Louis kid has been really helpful too. Did you know he’s an economics major?”  
Lena shook her head. “No idea, boss.”  
“But don’t worry. I’ll be back in time for your graduation ceremony. In the meantime, don’t overdo yourself. I know you’re gonna do it anyway, but you got to take care of your health…for obvious reasons.”  
“When are you leaving?”  
“Tonight. Flight leaves at 3:15AM.” Vince stood and headed towards the door. “C’mon, we left those animals alone out there-“  
“3:15, Uncle? Shit that’s early. Where you headed?”  
Vince turned and gave her “the look”. “I already tole ya kid, don’t worry about it.”  
Lena put her hands up. “OK. You got it, Boss.”  
“Anyway, if you really need anythin’ Sarah can get ahold of me.”  
“Sarah’s not goin?” She quickly coughed and looked away to avoid his glare. “Don’t say it. I already know.”  
Lena made her way back to the bar, and she had to elbow Cal out of the way to get to her husband.  
“Hey!” Cal feigned looking pissed, and Brendan and Colt laughed out loud. Tommy was looking more than a little buzzed, and he gave her a weak silly smile.  
“Hey doll.”  
“How you doin’?”  
“Good, I’m good.” He wiggled an empty shot glass at her. “I wish you could have one with me, babe.”  
“It’s OK, Tommy. Even if I could I don’t know that I would. Gotta get up early in the morning for work.”  
Tommy’s face scrunched up in disapproval. “Work? Already?”  
“Yeah, already.” She laughed, kissed his cheek. “I’m sure the guys will take care of you though. Don’t want you to miss out on your own party!”  
“We’ll make sure he gets home safe,” Colt said assuredly, patting her shoulder.  
“Yeah, if you guys say so.” Lena winked at Brendan and kissed Tommy once more. She collared Cal to the side before she could walk away. “Don’t let him get too far gone, OK? Please.”  
Cal shook his head, laughing. “He’s his own boss.”  
“Cal. I mean it. Get Brendan on the team. You guys can handle it.” She looked into his impassive blue eyes and scowled at his ‘sorry can’t help ya’ smile. “Don’t fuck this up.”  
“Me? How can I fuck it up?”  
“Cuz you’re already getting him juiced up. So slow down. You know what, I’ll talk to Louis myself-“ Lena let go of his collar and headed to the side of the bar so she could get behind it and talk to Louis.  
“Hey, Lena.” Louis’ adorable smile must win him lots of tips. He stood wearing slacks, a white dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up and a dark silver blazer. He was wiping glasses down while he had a spare moment.  
“Listen, Louis,” she said quietly. She stole a glance at Tommy, who was being kept busy speaking quietly with Colt. “I need you to water down Tommy’s drinks. OK? Please.”  
Louis shrugged with a smile. “Whatever you say, boss lady.”  
Lena smiled broadly. “I knew I could count on you. I just don’t want him getting too plastered. You understand.”  
He nodded his assent. “Don’t worry. I can handle it.”  
“That’s what I wanted to hear. Thank you.” She dug in her purse for a moment and stuck a $100 bill in his pocket. “I appreciate it.”  
Louis winked conspiratorially at her. “No problem.”  
Lena made her rounds, saying goodnight to everyone. Her mother kissed her cheek and made her promise a dinner date soon. Tommy hung onto her and whispered for her not to leave, meanwhile Cal had just ordered a large round of Vegas bombs, smiling cattily at her. She smiled cattily back.  
Lena drove to the store and bought plenty of groceries, got home and put everything up, and then started getting a wash together. She was digging through Tommy’s bags for dirty clothes when she found a tightly rolled paper twisted up with rubber bands, and a stack of papers that looked like an employment contract. She was ablaze with curiosity but resisted temptation as she continued to complete her objective.  
Later, and the last wash was drying as she hung clothes in the bedroom. The papers were calling to her. She burned with curiosity, and as she finally stalked over to the duffel bag to retrieve them, the front door rattled and Tommy was falling through it, grumbling curse words.  
“Fuckin’ hell.”  
Lena rushed into the living room and found Tommy on the couch, looking very uncomfortable. She opened the front door and looked down the stairs- Cal and Brendan were already halfway down to the lobby door.  
“Thanks!”she called down, and the guys waved at her, still on the move. She shut the front door and turned around to find Tommy struggling to straighten out on the couch. “Hey.”  
“Yo.” He kicked his Nikes off and rested his arm on his chest, his eyes closed.  
“Are you staying here?” She kissed his head, stroked his face. He smelled like whiskey. “Or will you join me in bed soon?”  
“Mnph, just need the room to stop spinnin’. Drank too much, not ready for it.”  
Lena stood up straight. “I’ll get the clothes out of the dryer and then help you to the bed. OK?”  
Tommy shook his head, his eyes still closed. “No helpin’ me.”  
She sighed, grabbing the laundry basket. “Mmm hmm.”   
When she came back in, he was in bed, everything but his shirt off- no getting that off by himself, as much pain as he was in. Lena finished hanging clothes by lamplight, and then turned to see him peeking out of the covers.  
“You need anything, Tommy?”  
He held his hand out and pointed at her. “Jus’ you.”

The next morning, Lena was up and showering at 4:45. She knew it was going to be weird going back to the restaurant alone, coupled with the fact that she was going to be practically alone in running it for an unknown length of time. She suited and booted in a crisp white shirt and her favorite black slacks, fixed her face and got her impossibly long hair in a chignon. All the while Tommy snored softly, buried deep in fluffy comforter and warm sheets. She tried not to feel too envious as she tied up her work shoes-black Timberland Nellies, nice and snug…not as snug as the bed looked, however…  
She grabbed her keys and headed out. To her surprise Butch was already at the restaurant, chopping and prepping for the day. He let her in on a new menu he and Vince had designed over the weekend- old favorites, fresh ingredients, new ideas. Lena was excited looking it over. She couldn’t wait to tell him about her plan she was soon to execute- she was going to spearhead the beginning of the remodel of the restaurant. She knew exactly what Vince wanted, and after she got set back up in the office and got the restaurant running for the day, she was going to start making phone calls to get the ball rolling. She had no idea how to get it started but she was pretty sure Colt knew a few people or two to help her figure it out.  
It took four long hours to catch up on all the paperwork, as Vince was not very fond of the computer. He did the bare minimum and ran deposits, but when it came to the profits/losses programs she had uploaded, she was on her own. He was used to the old school paper and pencil way, and she knew that would never change. The interruptions were endless,and Lena welcomed them, if only to get out of the office and away from the computer for a moment, to help out in the kitchen or visit with some loyal patrons that wanted to congratulate her on Tommy’s win.  
The lunch rush was over, and Lena still hadn’t heard from Tommy. She was hungry, thirsty and woozy. Louis had come in for his shift and removed her from behind the bar that she had been running for the entire lunch crowd.  
“Boss, go sit down. I got the bar.” He handed her a tall ice water with lemons and motioned one of the servers over to whisper something to her.  
“Hey, anyone ever tell you it’s rude to whisper in front of people like that?” Lena was smiling but was really a little irritated. Louis put his hands up defensively.  
“Don’t worry, Lena. I just asked her to run you out the pita appetizer. You look a little pale.”  
“I’m alright, Louis. Thanks.”  
“Yeah, but have you tried that pita stuff Butch came up with? Marinated lamb, cucumbers and that sauce-“  
“Tzatziki.”  
“Yeah, that. Awesome.” He walked away and Lena felt lucky to have such an amazing staff. Louis was going places and hopefully he would want to keep his roots there with her and Vince.  
After a snack and a long phone call with Colt, she went into her purse to get her makeup case and realized her checkbook was missing. At first she didn’t think twice about it, she hardly ever used it and thought she might have left it in her lockbox at home, but at second thought she realized she had brought it with her to Sparta to keep a ledger going and track her expenses. It should have been there. She immediately called her bank to make sure no checks had been written, and she breathed a sigh of relief when she was assured no unusual activity was going on in regards to her accounts. To be sure the bank put a block on her account for 24 hours until she could get home and scour her apartment to look for it.  
Lena had finally finished with her first exceptionally long day back at work. She had made sure the staff had everything they needed for the night, told them to call her if they needed her. Butch had split his shift and returned to handle the dinner rush, and he assured her everything was going to be fine.  
She tried calling Tommy for the third time that day- no answer, just as before. She was starting to get pissed. She pulled up to the apartment, and in her normal parking space was a shiny brand new metallic black Audi SQ5. It gleamed in the parking lot lights, and even though she was impressed with the beautiful SUV she was aggravated her spot was stolen. She didn’t like parking too far away from the entrance- cautious female in the city that she was.  
She swung the door open and found Tommy lighting candles at the study table. He had candles burning throughout the apartment, and she could smell delicious food smells coming from the kitchen. She dropped her keys and purse on the couch, coming towards him with her arms out.  
“Hey doll.” His easy smile was a joy to behold. He wrapped her up in his good arm and kissed her softly.  
“Baby where were you today? I called you-“  
“Three times, I know.” He looked inscrutable in the warm candlelight.  
“OK, so…? Why didn’t you answer?”  
“I was a little busy. Did you see your car down there?” He tried so hard to keep his expression as stony as possible, but she watched his cheeks and ears turn red.  
“Car?”  
“Well…not really a car.” He fished in his back pocket and handed her a heavy black thing that didn’t look anything like the key to her little hatchback.  
“Waitaminute…” Lena stood stock still for a moment, staring into those eyes of his- dark and light hues in a dance of color, set deep in his beautifully angular face.  
“Yeah, c’mon.” He could barely hide his smile as he took her hand and led her to the door. She followed him downstairs in a daze, and they walked out into the mild Pittsburgh evening together. Tommy kept walking but Lena stopped short as she neared the Audi. She had never owned anything like that. She was in shock.Tommy turned around when he realized she wasn’t following.  
“C’mon doll. Come and see.”  
He waited for her to get closer, and she heard a soft beep as she neared the vehicle, the lights flashed once and she heard the doors open. Tommy smiled like the cat that got the canary. Her expression was priceless.  
“I can’t…this is what you were doing today?”  
Tommy laughed that silly laugh of his. “Yep. Me and Bren went shoppin’.”  
She stood with her hands on her hips. “You have my checkbook.”  
“Well…I needed it to make a deposit on the car. You didn’t report it stolen, did you?”  
Lena laughed out loud. “Almost.”  
“I don’t have a card to the account or anythin’…I just wanted to do this for you-“  
Lena felt horrible. “Oh Tommy. I am an asshole. I didn’t even think about it…we need to go to the bank tomorrow and get your name on the account, get you access. Jesus Christ what the fuck is wrong with me?”  
Tommy just laughed. “You just can’t believe it’s real in the first place, it’s a lot of money. It’s OK Lena.” He kissed her, holding her tight to his body. “Babe, wait til you drive it. Just wait.” He took her hatchback keys, got in her little Honda, grabbed the gate remote and then got in the passenger seat of the Audi before she could even respond. After a moment more of shocked stare, she opened the driver’s side door. Deep red leather with black trim, dark graphite interior, everything digital and glowing, and that new car smell…  
“Oh my God.” Lena shut the door and drank it all in. “Amazing,” she said breathlessly. Tommy was practically squirming in his seat with excitement.  
“C’mon, use the damn key.”  
She found the spot where the strange black block went. It started up with a soft rumbling purr, and the digital display gave her options- music, directions, weather, news, Bluetooth. She was overwhelmed.  
“Can I just…drive?”  
Tommy laughed another silly laugh. “Fuckin’ do it!” He hit the gate remote and they were free. “Take it out on the highway. Please.”  
Lena was astonished at the smoothness of the ride, the way it handled, and after she connected to 28 highway from I-579, she opened the motor up, and she and Tommy were flying effortlessly along the Allegheny river. She was madly in love, with the Audi and with her husband. Tommy nonchalantly played with the controls, trying to figure them out, while Lena took in the sights all around her at 80 miles per hour. After a while she realized she was getting pretty far from home, so she hooked around to cross the river and head back the way they came.  
“Well?” Tommy’s deep voice rumbled through the cavernous interior. “Whaddya think?”  
She looked into his joyous expression and laughed with tears in her eyes.  
“I think this is fucking amazing.”  
“It’s all yours, doll.”  
“Tommy…I don’t need something this…extravagant.”  
“Yeah you do. Hard as you work you deserve it. You and the little one are gonna need something nice. You know that hatchback ain’t gonna work.”  
“Yeah, but…what about you?”  
“I already got somethin’ in mind for myself, don’t you worry doll.” His smile went from happy to naughty in an instant.  
“I would love to know what that means.” Lena parked beside her hatchback and stared at it.  
“You will.” He hopped out of the ride and came around to give Lena another hug as she got out. “C’mon, let’s go upstairs. I got food waitin’ for ya.” He put his hand out for the key. “Gotta take it back tomorrow, make it official. I’ll bring it to the restaurant when it’s all done.”  
Lena kissed him hard and deep, pressing herself completely to him, making him moan in his throat with happy surprise. She knocked him back against the Audi, taking more of his mouth with hers, flattening him against the side of the car.  
“Mmm, Lena…upstairs…”  
She laughed evilly deep in her throat. “You worried someone might see?”  
“No…the oven’s on an’ the place’ll burn down.” He guided her hand to his bulging zipper, rubbing hard against her.“Mmmmm…”  
“Oh shit,” she breathed in exasperation. “C’mon, hurry.”  
They rushed up the stairs and thankfully caught the lemon chicken Tommy was making before it burned to a crisp. Lena grabbed it out of the oven with a hotpad and snapped it off, and turned into his furtive embrace, his hungry mouth, and his eager touch tugging her to the bedroom.Her clothes fell off in a flash, and before he could get his jeans all the way down she was on her knees, taking him in her mouth and working him passionately. His gruff cry made her moan in her throat- he was dying under her touch- part of him wanting of attack her, the other part thoroughly enjoying her exceptional skills and not wanting it to stop. She in turn was aching for him to throw her on the bed and ravish her, but she really enjoyed giving him such pleasure- Tommy was the action and everything was a reaction, he was one of the people in the world that made things happen. She felt he needed to let things happen to him sometimes too, good things- sometimes the ones who fight the hardest need a time to relax, to be cared for, to let go and be loved-a hard and scary thing to do, and Tommy was trying to learn how to do it, trying to relax and let go more when he was with her, only with her. She was the only one he had met in so long that could make him believe he might be safe.  
He could only take so much, and he was pulling her up to kiss her, pour himself into her, give her what he was feeling, show her what she was doing to him, share his intense overwhelming passion with her, igniting hers in the process. She almost ripped his shirt off, and he was crushing her under his weight on the bed, her hands running up his ribcage and down his back again as he inhaled her, his hips working against hers in anticipation of the final act. When he started sliding down to press his face to her sex she wriggled and maneuvered away, trying as hard as she could to get him inside her.  
“Not trying to kill the mood,” she breathed, “but I’ve been at work all day, I want a shower first-“  
“I don’t giveafuck.” He tried sliding down again but she begged him not to, instead urging him to slide inside- she was more than ready anyway.  
“Hmm, I’ll getcha later…” He was filling her to the hilt, slowly sliding into the tight warm wetness. Her body tensed in so many different ways, and she had to remind herself to breathe. “Goddamn…” His growl echoed in her ears, making her vibrate along with it.  
“Tommy…don’t stop please…” She begged for it, her legs hooked around his waist, her body wide open to his will. Tommy had no choice but give it to her, and the bed rocked with his urgency. She held onto his muscled body as if she were riding a runaway horse, her breathless cries spurring him on to new heights- he was headed for the end way too soon.  
“Lena…I have to stop, I have to…”  
“Oh baby no, give it to me…I want it…” Her arms splayed out and he feasted on her breasts, his hips arcing into a new position that made his cock pivot inside her, making her practically bark like a dog. She couldn’t see, she could only smell and feel and touch and taste- Tommy was blurry and shadowy, his voice like honeyed heaven, his sweat tangy and his strength formidable as he rocked her into a series of fireworks, one explosion after another, and her scream tangled in her throat, her tongue stiff with paroxysms. She felt and heard his orgasm, his breathless cries in time with her stifled noises.  
Lena was starting to come down, and she was freezing. Tommy was dead weight on top of her, pouring sweat and gasping for air. They had both hit their plateaus so hard, and she wondered what time it was, what day even. Her brain had turned in darkened stardust, swirling in invisible currents and thoughtless patterns.   
Eventually she sat up, blinking sweat out of her eyes. Tommy was still, his slight smile still evident, his eyes closed.  
“You hungry, Tommy?”  
His eyes opened, glassy and dark blue. “Hell yeah.”

The next morning, she stood looking at the Audi in quiet disbelief for a few moments before she got into her little hatchback, heading for Vince’s Bar and Grill. She had another long day ahead of her, and she had lots of phone calls to make.  
Her day was flying by this time, and she was surprised to see she had worked through lunch without interruption. Contractors were measuring the restaurant and talking to Butch in the kitchen. Colt was on speakerphone with her in the office, and Louis was drinking a limoncello as he sat perched on the desk, looking at samples of paint for the bathrooms. She had not looked at her cell all day, and she wondered now how Tommy was faring. She was just reaching for her purse when Butch appeared in the office doorway, red-faced and panicked.  
“Lena!”  
“Butch, what’s wrong, you OK?”  
“Shit! I forgot to run to the store when I ran the deposit! I need fennel and saffron! Like twenty minutes ago!”  
“Alright Butch, calm down-“  
Louis stood up. “I can run down to Stan’s, get it for ya.”  
Lena shook her head. “Louis, no offense but I gotta get outta here for a min-“  
“Hey! Didja forget about me all of a sudden?”- Colt’s voice boomed through the phone.  
“No, Uncle Colt, I didn’t.” Lena closed her eyes and rolled them at the same time. “I just need to step outside for a minute, clear my head.”  
“It’s fine. I got some other shit to do. Cal’s been sittin’ in my office for ten minutes staring at me. I’ll call yas later.”  
Louis watched Lena gather her purse and keys. “Boss, I can go. Really.”  
Lena smiled kindly at him. “Can you make sure the servers are getting their side work done, please? You need a drink, I need some air. Cool?”  
It was 85F outside, and Lena rolled up the French sleeves of her dark maroon shirt as she made her way to the car. She checked her phone and found three texts, all from Tommy- [Hey doll. With Bren picking up your car. Love you.] an hour later- [Come home. Miss you.] and the last was a picture of the new Audi side by side with a sports car, looked like a new Camaro- Lena wasn’t sure.  
“Hmm.” She sped off anyway, resisting the urge to make a drive-by at the apartment. She was excited to get out, feel the sun on her face. She knew there were so many things to get done, bank visit with Tommy, doctor’s visits for both of them, and she promised herself she would get it all done when she took next Tuesday off…a week away. She shook her head, turning up the radio and opening the sunroof.  
At 6:30 she had the blueprints for the remodel in her hand and the night was just starting at the restaurant. She wanted out, OUT of the restaurant and somewhere soft and quiet with Tommy. His phone rang and rang, and she decided not to leave a message. Just as she was setting the phone in the console, it started ringing. She merged into heavy traffic on the highway and answered Tommy’s callback.  
“Yo.”  
“Hey doll, you finally comin’ home?”   
“Yep. Listen, why don’t you take the Audi and meet me at the Sonoma on Penn avenue.”  
“Where’s that?”  
Lena laughed softly. “Use the GPS.”  
“OK. Now?”  
“Yeah, now. I’ll hold us a table. Love you.”  
“Love you too.” She could hear his smile through the phone.  
The Sonoma was warm and golden and inviting, exactly what she needed. She had the blueprints in her hand when she was seated at a table in the dining area, and she ordered a glass of wine while she waited for Tommy to arrive. She was watching the doors, and was almost overjoyed to see him walk through about twenty minutes later. He was wearing a simple black button-up shirt, open at the collar so she could see the glint of silver dogtag chain, and a pair of off-white Dickies she hadn’t seen since visiting him in Sedona. His hair was slicked back, he was sporting a bit of scruff, and not even his arm in a sling detracted him from looking ridiculously attractive.  
“Hey.” He kissed her on her cheek and sat down across from her, smelling like Spicebomb. “How was your day, doll?”  
“Damn Tommy.” She smiled, knowing her eyes had gone glass buttons on him. “Everything is better now. How was the GPS on the Audi? Works OK?”  
He laughed, yanking his chair closer to the table with his one good arm.   
“Well, funny story about that, actually. I drove my car here.”  
Lena ran her fingertips around the rim of her wineglass. Tommy watched, looking lost for a moment. “Your car?”  
“Hmm? Yeah.” And then he smiled his toothy boyish smile.  
“So? What did you buy?” Lena was on the edge of her seat.  
“I’ll show ya. I think you’re gonna like it.”  
The waiter came by and Tommy ordered a black and tan, Lena a virgin Bahama Mama. As the waiter left Tommy turned to look at her, smiling wolfishly at her, his eyes darkening.  
“You look beautiful. I really wanna fuck you.”  
Lena almost coughed out the last sip of wine she was working on.  
“It’s been a busy day. Thought about ya the whole time.” He looked down at the rolled up papers on the table. “What’s this?”  
“Blueprints for the remodel.” She slipped out of her work heels and started sliding her foot up his leg under cover of the tablecloth.  
Tommy winked. “Yeah? Vince gone you gonna run it, huh?”  
“He wanted it done, I aim to have it completed by the end of the month.”  
“That’s nice.” He let out a long heavy breath as her foot neared his crotch. “Can I see?”  
This time she winked. “Sure.”  
Dinner was sexually charged, Lena toying with him under the table, and Tommy trying to behave himself and keep a straight face. He looked at the blueprints and she talked at length about swatches and colors and wood grains, but she knew she was rambling. Tommy was trying to look interested, meanwhile she could have been speaking in Mandarin- he could have cared less. He just watched her, dressed in her classy business clothes, and he felt transported by her beauty, the ambiance of the restaurant, the slight buzz of the Guinness, and his newfound wealth of money and family. He was feeling beyond blessed.  
“…so what do you think? Rosewood bartop and refinished brass accents, or Amarello bamboo granite with aluminum casting?”  
“Uh…I don’t really know, doll. I think they both look good. I think Vince would like both of ‘em.”  
Lena looked down and shook her head. “I liked the black quartz with nickle accents. I don’t know.” She looked up into his perplexed expression, his steel blue eyes searching her face. She felt muzzy and discouraged. “This is stupid, isn’t it.”  
“No. This is your restaurant too. You should have a say. Maybe Vince will be back by the time you dress the place up, that way you won’t piss him off.” Tommy smiled at her. “C’mon. Let’s go home. I have a few decisions for you to make too.”  
He led Lena out of the restaurant and to the parking lot, where a Challenger sat glowering with menace, velvet black save for the red wheels that read RAMPAGE inside them, and the red accents along the sides as well. Lena’s jaw dropped.  
“Jesus…Christ…Almighty.”  
Tommy’s laugh was almost a whinny. “It’s a Hellcat.”  
She touched the front side panel and ran her fingertips along as she walked, door, side panel, rear panel…she felt her heart race looking at it.  
“I don’t know what that means, but…this is one big speeding ticket waiting to happen.”  
“C’mon, get in!” He tossed her the “key”- another weird block with a metal piece sticking out. “You’re driving it home.”  
Lena shook her head. “Oh no.”  
“What, you scared?”  
“Yeah.”  
Another whinnying laugh. “Too bad.”  
He snatched her hatchback keys and headed to the hatchback. “I’ll race ya home.”  
“Fuck you Tommy, don’t do this.”  
He had one foot in her car. “Get in there and drive. That’s a fuckin’ order.” He got in the hatchback and started it up, revving the motor as she got in the Hellcat, laughing to herself. Inside, it was all black trim and caramel leather, and when she figured out where the hell to put the “key”, red tinged trim lighting went on, and the partial digital dash showed the car symbol of a pissed off wildcat fading into the engine controls, meanwhile the main info panel flashed at her, finally settling into more car controls- performance pages? Lena shook her head- too many things to look at, when all she wanted to do was drive. The engine roared to life, and she felt her body vibrate with it- the sheer power thrilled her as she tapped the accelerator, revving the motor back at Tommy, drowning out the hatchback with ease. He kicked into reverse and she did the same, the car taking the gas with gusto and surging beneath her. He was already ahead of her out of the parking lot, and she turned into light traffic behind him. He was driving erratically on the way to the freeway interchange, and she knew he was messing with her, telling her it was still a race. She knew she would win if she wanted to call his teasing, but she let him bait her for a little while.   
The freeway was a little clogged, but after they cleared it, Lena saw her opportunity and surged ahead, changing lanes to meet and pace Tommy. He was smiling like crazy person, and nodded forward, telling her to open the engine up. She hit the accelerator and the engine really sounded like a hellcat as she hit 70 mph, 75, 80…she slowed down, but she could feel the car urging her to go faster- after all, it was made for speed. She was smarter than that, but damn it was tempting. Tommy caught up with her as she slowed, waving her to go, but she couldn’t do it. He got in front of her and took off, tempting her some more. The car was cruising at 70 mph and it felt like 25. She picked up speed again and the car purred with happiness. She decided she wanted to trade the Audi for the Hellcat, but had a feeling Tommy wouldn’t like that idea. Tommy switched lanes again and she surged forward. Her speedometer edged close to 90 this time before she slowed down. The car handled like a dream, no rattling like her hatchback, no signs of stress at all.   
Finally they were home, and Lena decided she was completely and head over heels in lust with the Hellcat. Tommy was out of the hatchback and over to the Challenger in a split second. He opened the car door and looked down at her. She sat still, staring at the dash as the Hellcat faded from the digital display, and then she slowly looked up into his happy smile.  
“You ain’t gettin’ this back, dude.”  
He laughed his silly laugh. “Oh really?”  
“No. I claim it in the name of Rossi.”  
“You’re a Conlon now, doll.”  
Lena laughed. “Eh. I had to try. So…this car is a total turn-on. Didn’t you say something about fucking earlier?” 

IT was very late. Lena didn’t know what time it was, nor did she care. She needed water badly. Tommy was already half-asleep in the terrorized bed. She worked her warm and tingly legs to the kitchen, snapped on a light, and noticed a little set of newspaper cut-outs on the study table. On closer inspection she saw listings for houses for sale in Shadyside, Highland Park, Mexican War Streets…she found herself forgetting the water and browsing through the cut-outs. Tommy’s fondness for old Victorian, large front yards, and lots of trees made her happy. She immediately fell in love with one in particular, in Regent Square. She wanted to research it on her laptop but she didn’t have time at the moment- water and then bed were in order. She promised herself to copy the details in the morning.   
6:15 AM, Lena’s alarm was going off, and Tommy was already gone. She wondered where he was, but she had no time to try and find out. The contractors were supposed to start tearing up the side of the restaurant around 9AM, and she needed to get going.   
Driving the Audi took some getting used to. She hoped Tommy wasn’t driving like a lunatic somewhere out there. Butch and Louis were arriving at Vince’s at the same time, and they both stopped and stared at her new wheels in shock and appreciation.  
“Hey, Lena….can I borrow that sometime?” Louis smiled as she walked up to meet them at the backdoor.  
“Sure, let me know when.” She jostled the keys in the lock and Butch laughed.  
“Oh yeah? What about me, huh? Do I get to borrow it?”  
It was Lena’s turn to laugh. “Yeah, sure. You both can drive it around the block. How’s that?”  
“Hey, you agreed to the word ‘borrow’.” Butch snapped the lights on and the kitchen lit up. “That means I can drive it where I want. Does the term ‘bullshit artist’ mean anything to you?”  
Lena locked the back door and shook her head at Butch. “Yo, I just got the sonavabitch. Cut me some slack.” She punched his shoulder. “What’s on the menu today? Anything you need me to pick up when I run the deposit?”  
“Eh, I’m just messin’ witcha, kid. Think I got everythin’ together yesterday, but I’ll letcha know if I need somethin’.”  
Lena turned to Louis, who was already dumping ice in tubs to start the bar set-up. “What about you? You stocked up?”  
“Uh, actually I think we may need to run up to that joint across the river, the one on Federal?”  
“Yeah, Vince’s buddy’s joint?”  
“Yeah. We need a case of Crown. I forgot to order it last week.”  
“OK well, I’ll give them a call. Maybe they can get it ready for pickup.”  
Her cellphone was buzzing away in her purse as she unlocked the office- she dug around in her purse and saw Colt’s number on the screen.  
“Hey, Uncle Colt, how are ya-“  
“Listen, I just got off the phone with my guys that did the remodel here at the gym. They’re underbidding that company you hired by three grand.”  
Lena sighed as she fell into the office chair. “Well, that’s great, but I already signed paperwork yesterday. They got their down payment and they’re coming in to rip shit up today.”  
Colt groaned on the other end. “Toldja not to do anything until today, Lena.”  
“I know, but they knocked a couple grand off themselves, and I just went ahead with it. I really want to get this going, so Vince won’t have a bunch of crap to deal with when he gets back. I’ll be on maternity leave in like…five months. Damn.” Lena sighed again. “So…you still comin’ by today, Uncle?”  
“Yeah, sure. So uh…seen Tommy this mornin’.”  
“Oh yeah?” Lena couldn’t stop the smile spreading across her face.  
“Yeah…had Bren with ‘im. Drivin’ some monster race car.”  
Lena laughed softly into the receiver. “Yeah. It’s crazy, isn’t it?”  
“Those two gonna end up arrested for drivin’ way too fast, I’m tellin’ ya. I can just see it now.”  
“So they stopped by just to say hi, or what?” Lena unlocked the safe and dragged the locked bank bag out to get her deposit ready.  
“Yeah, I guess. Said they had shit to do. Said they’d be back to work out. Fuckin’ Tommy, he can’t do anything but the damn stationary bike.”  
“That’s right, Uncle Colt! You get after him.”  
“Ah, y’know, I’m gettin’ old, Lena. I can’t keep chasin’ people around. You know what I mean? You want me to come by today, check things out for ya?”  
Lena wriggled in her seat with happiness. “Yes, yes, yes, that would be fantastic. I can’t thank you enough.”  
“Ah, don’t thank me. You know I just come there for the food anyway, right?”  
Lena laughed out loud. “Yeah, I know. Butch is a helluva cook. Come down whenever, OK?”  
“OK. I’ll see ya in a little while, sweetheart.”  
Louis brought Lena a cup of coffee, and she generously thanked him before burying her face in the paperwork- she was finally getting everything caught up and organized, invoices entered in the computer and filed away, payroll updated, and after almost two hours, the desk was clear of clutter. She was more than ready to get the hell out of the office and run to the bank.  
“Butch!” She called out to a quiet kitchen, and walked around. “Hey big man, where you at?”  
The back door was propped open just a little and she heard voices outside. She ventured out into the warm morning and saw Tommy, Brendan, Louis and Butch standing around Tommy’s new Hellcat in the back parking lot.  
“Hey!” Everyone looked at her. “Am I missing a meeting or something?”  
Brendan laughed. “Tommy’s so proud of his speed demon car. I’m changing his name to Ghost Rider.”  
Lena made her way down the back stairs and into Tommy’s arms. He was wearing a tight black tank and a pair of faded blue jeans, and no arm sling. He smelled like warm musk, bergamot, and pine needles, and his skin was warm and soft against her face as she nuzzled his neck.  
“Baby…” His voice was a deep whisper in her ear, and he sighed as he held her to him with his good arm. “I’m goin’ to the doc today.”  
“Yeah?” She pulled back to look at him- he looked beautiful in the light of the late dawn, his eyes like mirrored blue-green pools and his angular face cast in shadow and light. He smiled at her and her heart melted.  
“Yeah. Surgeon. Bren’s takin’ me. I don’t want ya to worry.”  
“Yeah, but I wanted to go with you-“  
“I know you did, but you’re a little busy.”  
“Listen, you want to go to the bank now? They’re about to open, and I’m headed there anyway. We need to get your name on the account!”  
Tommy looked over at Brendan, who nodded and smiled. “We got time, Tom.”  
“OK. But I’m drivin’.”  
Butch and Louis were making their way back inside, and Lena waved at them as she waited for Brendan to take the backseat and give her the front.  
“You know, you really don’t have to sit in the back-“  
“Nonsense.” Brendan waved her off. Tommy fell in the driver’s seat, sliding his shades on with a big smile for her. “You’re pregnant, and it’s not very comfortable back here. Plus I need a break from Ghost Rider. Front seat was makin’ me nervous.”  
Tommy played deaf. “So. Where we headed, doll?”  
Lena held up the bank bag that read CITIZEN’S BANK. Tommy nodded and smiled, and fired up the Hellcat. He had the car turned around in the parking lot and out onto the street in record time, with Lena clutching her purse with a raptor-like grip.  
“Hey, you might wanna slow down a little.” Brendan sat in the middle of the backseat, watching the speedometer. “I think we just passed a cop.”  
“Yeah.” Tommy was only on the highway for five minutes, but it was long enough for Lena to sink her nails into his thigh.  
“Be easy.” She narrowed her eyes at him, and he smiled again. “I mean it.”  
Somehow they got to the bank in one piece. Once inside, she was recognized by the bank manager, who quickly sat the trio at his desk to help with getting Tommy on Lena’s account and making it a shared one. The entire process took less than a half hour, and soon they were back on the road to the restaurant.   
“Hey, you think Butch could fix us some breakfast?” Brendan winked at Lena as they climbed out of the car.  
“I can cook you some breakfast, what are you talkin’ about?” Lena laughed. Tommy kissed her face and hugged her to him as they took the stairs to the backdoor.  
“Damn, it’s about time!” Butch tossed a towel at Lena as she walked through the door. “The electrician is waitin’ in the office.”  
“Shit. Butch, can you fix these guys something to eat? Pretty please?” She leaned over and kissed Tommy’s cheek. “Love you.” He just kissed her back, a little too long, and made everyone who could see a little uncomfortable.  
Butch comically rolled his eyes. “Oh sure, I’m only doin’ about twelve things at the moment…just kiddin’ guys, whaddya want? Eggs, toast, what?”  
Lena went into the office to deal with the electrician while Butch cracked eggs in the kitchen. It was going to be another busy day.  
Tommy and Brendan left about thirty minutes later. Colt was just arriving and the construction crew was back in the restaurant, taking more measurements, right in time for the lunch rush. Lena tried to keep breathing and not stress out, but it wasn’t easy with a full house and guys with tape measures almost tripping the wait staff up. Colt had picked a fight with the foreman and was threatening to fire him, when Lena walked into the office, looking at the two men quizzically.  
“Mrs.Conlon, no disrespect but this man here is totally out of line-“  
“Out of line my ass! There’s no way you need a month to get this done! Especially at the rates you charge! Lena, I told you not to go with this company-“  
“If you want the job done it takes time! We’re talkin’ about new fixtures, new tile, new paint, remodel on the bathrooms, expansion in the kitchen, widening the dining area, building a deck, and sectioning off a private dining area! It could potentially take up to a month, unless you want a shoddy half-ass job that falls apart before the year is out!”  
“Lena, really…you need to fire these guys.” Both men stood in her office, staring at her, suddenly waiting on her. She threw her hands up and stifled her tongue. She slipped past Colt and sat in the captain’s chair behind the desk, and eyeballed him.  
“Mr.Totta,”she said finally, and cleared her throat. The foreman looked at her intensely. “Please excuse us for a moment.”  
The foreman turned on his heel and left, muttering something about needing a damn cigarette anyway, and Lena gestured for Colt to close the door.  
“OK, Uncle Colt, I want to tell you I really appreciate your input and everything you have been doing for me-“  
“Damn right! I have my own business to run. iT’s not like I don’t got other shit to do.”  
“-having said that, I really can’t take the resistance you’ve been putting up since I decided to hire the Tottas for the main remodel-“  
“Fuckin’ A right, they suck and you shoulda waited on me! I’m tellin’ ya Lena, the crew I hired to get the gym goin’ is incredible-“  
“-and I get that, you have been telling me over and over about it, but I hired the Tottas, and they’re going to do the job. Please try and understand? I need you to work with me on this one. Give them the opportunity to mess up before you actually accuse them of it, OK?” She reached out and grabbed his hand. “I need you, Uncle. Please, can we get past this?”  
Colt sighed, shook his head. “Yeah. OK. But the second I catch them slippin’…”  
“I know. You’re gonna bust their balls.”  
“That’s right.” He took off his tweed beret and rubbed his bald head. “I’ll run a freight train up their asses. I’m just lookin’ out for ya, and Vinnie. These guys are assholes, Lena. As soon as they think you’re just some weak-willed woman they’ll run all over ya. I know you’re not, but they don’t.”  
Lena smiled up at him. “I know. Thank you for looking out for me. I really appreciate your help.”  
“’Ey, no problem.” He smiled briefly, and let go of her hand. “So where was Tommy headed to now?”  
“Doctor. Hopefully we’ll find out what the next step will be-“  
“Surgery.” Colt looked down into Lena’s widened eyes. “Sorry kid, but that’s what’s gonna happen. Better it happens now, before you pop out that kid. You’re gonna need his help, he’s gotta be ready for that fatherhood thing.”  
Lena nodded with nothing to say.  
“Awrite kid, I gotta get back to the gym. Meeting with Cal and the state athletic commission. He’s getting his degree and his license in less than three months.”  
“Oh my gosh, that’s great! I had no idea!”  
“Yeah, he’s gonna be training on his own soon.”  
Lena smiled brightly. “Dream come true. That’s so awesome!”  
“Someone has to take over the gym one day, and he’s my guy.”  
Lena shook her head. “Does he know that’s how you feel?”  
Colt shrugged, smiling to himself. “Nah. I mean, one day he will. Til then keep ya trap shut, OK? I don’t need him gettin’ a big head.”  
Lena pretended to zip her lips shut, and Cal nodded with a little smirk. “That’s right. My girl.” He grabbed her shoulder and shook it almost too hard. “I’m outta here. See ya.”

7:15 pm and Lena was officially exhausted. She couldn’t remember the last time she had eaten anything, her feet were killing her, and she had broken three nails during the course of re-organizing the walk-in. When she walked into the apartment, she could smell food cooking, lemon and rosemary scents, and the apartment was stuffed with roses, candles lit everywhere.  
“Tommy?”  
She looked around the apartment, but she was alone. She was sure she had seen Tommy’s Hellcat downstairs. It was past the point of concern for her at the moment- she peeled her clothes off and stepped into a hot aromatic shower. She needed the comfort of the warm steamy water, the scents of her cedar soap and vanilla cashmere shampoo.  
“Yes…” It had taken 15 minutes but she was starting to unwind and remember she had a body. She let the hot water run down her back, closing her eyes as the conditioner washed out of her hair in a flood. She heard Tommy clear his throat and she opened her eyes to see his face peeking in the shower curtain. His cheeks were pink and his eyes were dilated, and the naughty smile playing on his lips made her giggle.  
“Baby girl…you takin’ a shower without me?”  
“Hey Tommy.” She smiled as she kissed him, and he slipped his hand in and caressed her face.  
“I got dinner in the oven. Come out.” He winked at her and ducked out. She quickly shut the water off and pulled the curtain back, and grabbed her towel and bathrobe. Tommy was setting the kitchen table, and he looked like amazing as always, stripped down to his black boxer briefs and same black tank top from earlier, only this time he had his arm in the sling. He looked up at her and giggled.  
“We look awesome, huh?”  
“Well…you do. Always.” She leaned in and kissed him. “Can I help, baby?”  
“Yeah, help me eat all this food I made.”   
He had rice, vegetables and roasted chicken in the kitchen-everything smelled wonderful. Lena stared at him as he got her a glass of ice cold water, even throwing in a lemon wedge for her.  
“Tommy…really, you didn’t have to do all of this. Thank you so much.”   
He waved her comments off and handed her the glass, which she took a big drink from- cold, refreshing, and as she took another drink she watched the candlelight play along his muscled legs, light him up from the side and when he turned again to hand her a plate she watched the fire dance in his eyes. He caught her look and his expression reflected the naughty boy he could be, and he winked at her with a toothy smile.  
“What you lookin’ at, Rossi?”  
Lena laughed, almost choking on the big gulp of water she had just taken. She took his plate from him and set both down on the table. “Not Rossi anymore, Conlon.”  
“Yeah, I haven’t forgotten.” He swung her around with one arm, kissing her with little bites in between, and her arms wound around his thick neck, running aground with the stubble along his jaw as she raced her fingers through his soft dark hair. He hummed against her lips, pressing himself shamelessly against her, and Lena’s robe was opening on its own, another victim of his irresistable magnetic field. Her bare breasts flattened against his chest and she gently rubbed his ears, making him growl and pulse with heat as the blood raced hard in his veins.  
“Tommy…” She broke the kiss, but Tommy chewed on her chin and then her throat.  
“Hurmph.”  
“Dinner…don’t you wanna-” He pulled her robe the rest of the way off and her skin was bare in his steel grip. He was hard all over and his light clothing teased her- underneath his muscled frame shifted and bulged against her. She cried out softly in his mouth, her subsequent moan humming against his full lips that were open and pressed passionately to hers. He groaned back to her, and he let her go long enough to peel off his tight skivvies, and then he attacked her again. He was dragging her off to the bedroom, it was clear dinner was going to have to wait.  
Everything was a blur to her, the bed groaning and squeaking as Tommy’s firm heavy body worked hers, his mouth hungry and insistent, his eyes burning into her with aquamarine intensity, his sweat on her tongue and his cock deep inside her. She couldn’t get enough of him, her undying hunger for him reflected in him as he ravished her. She was a slave to him, and he would spend the rest of his life showing her how crazy he was for her.

 

Later. She was on her back, panting, covered in their sweat, and she watched the room darken as the last remnants of sunlight faded and gave way to night. Tommy was a wet heaving mess beside her, panting as well, when his belly growled like a pissed off bear, the noise reverberating throughout the room.  
“Holy shit!” Lena laughed out loud. “Poor thing, you must be starving to death.” She rubbed his washboard stomach, rolling over on her side to kiss him.  
“Yeah, but I don’t have another person to feed.” He rubbed her belly too. “Whaddya think? Girl? Boy?”  
Lena cocked her head, looking down into his shining eyes. “I don’t know. I hate to say this but I’ve been too tired to concentrate on it.”   
Tommy smiled, ran his fingers into her hair. “Doesn’t matter, right? Long as it’s healthy.”  
She rubbed her face against his with a soft kiss. “Yeah, but every man wants a boy.”  
“Well,” he said, shrugging, “yeah. But after everything we been through, you and me? I just want it to be healthy.” He kissed the top of her head. “And now I gotta eat or I’m gonna die.” He leapt off the bed and pulled her to her feet. “C’mon doll.”

The next day dawned with the usual annoying alarm clock squawking at 4:30 AM. Lena rolled out of bed, noticing right away that it felt cold- Tommy was already up. She could hear the shower running, and she slowly dragged herself into the bathroom to join him.  
“Well hello.” His playful smile and puffy eyes made her grin.  
“Hey you. Stealing all the hot water I see.”  
He turned his back to the shower spray and rinsed the shampoo of his hair, head back, eyes closed. “Mmm, and it feels so good.”   
Lena was tired, but she wasn’t dead. She watched with a stunned melting feeling inside her as the thick ropes of frothy soap mixed with water and ran down the front of his body. He looked like a statue come to life. She would never be able to shake the amazement she felt looking at him.  
“Holy shit.”  
“What?” He opened his eyes and looked around, expecting to see a spider or something. Instead he caught Lena with her jaw on the floor. “ ‘S matter?”  
“Uh…nothing. Move, will ya?” She laughed and bumped him with her hip so she could get under the spray. “What are you doing today?”  
“Uh, lessee…work at Colt’s, conference call with J.J., I’m sure I’m forgettin’ somethin’…You?” His eyes were looking quite green, framed by his flushed face, and she could tell what was happening as his gaze intensified, never off her as she lathered up her hair and started scrubbing up.  
“Well, more remodel crap. They’re gonna start the real heavy stuff tomorrow, so I have to get the place prepped and get the health department called in…what’s up?” She half-smiled at his open stare, and he stepped forward and kissed her, guiding her hand to his hard cock.  
“That’s what’s up,” he muttered. 

Lena was running late, and trying to drive while applying makeup was not her forte. She had too much to do at work, and she tried not to worry about all the many things she had to get done.  
“One step at a time,” she said to Louis as they walked into the restaurant together. Butch was already hard at work, as usual, still geeking out over his new menus. She could smell fresh cilantro and green chilies, cumin and oregano, and even though it was way too early, she was suddenly starving.  
“What’s on the menu, Big Red?” Louis started chucking ice into the large plastic bin he had retrieved from a shelf above the dishwashing station. Lena had wandered over to the prep table, lured by the scent of food.  
“Pork shoulder marinated, then slow-cooked. Ain’t gonna be ready til tomorrow. Today is blue crab and clam sauce over penne, and-“ Butch stopped short, frozen in mid-sentence, and Lena looked up from his dirty menu notes to see why. Vince and another man stood stock still in the middle of the kitchen.   
“Uncle Vince…?” Lena immediately began walking towards him, but he held his hand out, his face stern.  
“Lena…” The man standing next to Vince took a step towards Lena. He was bearded and dark-skinned, his clothes and shoes shabby. She would have easily dismissed him as a bum if she had passed him on the street, but she saw the eyes staring back at her, welling with tears, unmistakable. “It’s me. It’s your daddy.”


	84. Welcome Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sleep don't visit, so I choke on sun  
> And the days blur into one  
> And the backs of my eyes hum with things I've never done
> 
> Sheets are swaying from an old clothesline  
> Like a row of captured ghosts over old dead grass  
> Was never much but we made the most  
> Welcome home
> 
> Ships are launching from my chest  
> Some have names but most do not  
> If you find one, please let me know what piece I've lost
> 
> Peel the scars from off my back  
> I don't need them anymore  
> You can throw them out or keep them in your mason jars  
> I've come home
> 
> All my nightmares escaped my head  
> Bar the door, please don't let them in  
> You were never supposed to leave  
> Now my head's splitting at the seams  
> And I don't know if I can
> 
> Here, beneath my lungs, I feel your thumbs press into my skin again
> 
> Radical Face - Welcome Home

Lena couldn’t speak. Her tongue was frozen in her mouth, and her throat worked uselessly. Her mind was utterly blank as she searched the face of the man she once knew as her father. It had been ten years, and it had been a hard decade- he was gaunt, his skin looked dirty and weathered from excessive sun exposure, his eyes hollow and sad. He stood motionless as tears ran down his face, waiting for a reaction from her.  
“Dad?” Lena’s voice was cracked and choked. She tore her gaze from Mike and looked pleadingly at Vince. “Uncle…is it really? How…?”  
Vince usually had a smile for Lena, but not then. “I been workin’ on it for a while, kid. Couldn’t tell ya. The girl, January, she turned herself in and was admitted for years in the state wacko ward. Poor kid. That sonofabitch father of hers really fucked her up. Your dad is meeting up with the U.S. Marshals later to turn himself in under the safe surrender law. He won’t go to jail.”  
“What?” Lena started to cry, and her father started to blubber.  
“Naw, I got my lawyer on it. He did nothin’ wrong but run during an investigation that ended up solvin’ itself, so…scott free. Should never have ran, crazy bastard.” Vince smacked Mike in the arm and then hugged him briefly. “You guys need to talk. I got the restaurant.” He took Lena in his arms and hugged her tightly. “Go on kid. Get outta here.” When he let go and looked at her again, he had a little smile for her and some tears in his eyes too.  
“Have-have you been by to see…Mom?” She looked again at her father, unable to believe this was really happening. Both men shook their heads.  
“I was hopin’ maybe you could take me to see her.” Mike’s voice was cracked and bloated with sobs. Lena finally fell in his arms, crying her heart out. This was not at all what she had planned for the day.  
“I’m so mad at you…” She buried her face in his shoulder, then pulled away. “Mom’s gonna kill you.”  
“I know. There’s no way I can make it up to anyone. But I promise I will try my hardest.”  
Lena went after Vince, who was already talking quietly with Butch.  
“Listen, Uncle…I was working on the remodel-“  
“You were what?” Vince looked shocked, and she hoped it was a happy shock. No way she could tell.  
“Yeah, I uh…got started without you. A whole bunch of shit is gonna go on today…I really need to be here.”  
Butch shook his head. Even he was crying a little. “Naw, Leenuts. I already know what’s up. You ain’t gotta be here! The health department’s comin’ at 9, right?”  
Lena nodded. “Yeah, and the crew should be here around the same time-“  
“Would you just get the fuck outta here already?” Vince waved her away. “Go!”  
Lena turned around and bumped right into her father. She looked at him for a long moment again, and then finally stepped to the side.  
“C’mon Dad. Let’s go to the house.”  
Mike was silent as he followed her out to the parking lot, and as he approached her new wheels he slowed and stared.  
“Dad? You getting in?”  
He laughed and shook his head a little. “Wow. I can tell you I sure wasn’t driving something like this when I was 24.” He smiled at her. “Looks like you’re doing alright.”  
Lena opened her door and waited for him to climb in. “Yeah. I’ve had lots of blessings.” She fired up the engine and they were off. She wanted to stare at him, but she needed to watch the road.  
“Remember when I helped you build that damn go cart…and you made me swap the engine pulley for a smaller one. How did you know it was gonna go faster?”  
Lena smiled at the memory. “I don’t know. I think it was your idea. You’re not remembering this right if you think I came up with it!”  
Mike laughed, watching the city go by through his window. “Nah. You were always a smart kid.” He sighed. “I really missed this city…missed you, your mom…and David. It’s been so long.”  
“I never thought I would see you again. Why did you run, Dad?”  
Mike shook his head, looking ashamed. “I immediately regretted it. I don’t know why I thought I could hide out until it all blew over. Once I split I knew I couldn’t go back. I guess I didn’t want to go to jail for a murder I didn’t commit, and have you kids grow up with that tag on your back for the rest of your lives.”  
“There were so many witnesses…so many people knew you didn’t do anything wrong. I don’t think I’ll ever understand your reasons. And we grew up without a dad. How’s that for a tag?” She shook her head. “Doesn’t matter about all that now…we can’t change the past.”  
“Yeah, but…you gotta have questions, and I want to answer them all. No matter how long or how painful all of it is…I want to rebuild our relationship.”  
Lena stole a look at him. “Don’t worry about me…you should be worried about Mom.”  
Mike cringed. “I am. Very much so.”  
Lena fished her phone out of her purse. “I better call her…if we just show up she’s gonna have a heart attack.”  
“Yeah, but she’ll still be ok enough to kill me.”  
During the brief phone call, Lena learned Senna and Rita were out on a shopping trip. Senna would not take Lena’s vague cues that something was up, and Lena finally had to tell her what was going on. She braced herself for her mother screaming in her ear, but instead was greeted with silence.  
“Well…” Senna thought some more. “You know what Lena? I’m not ready to see him. I don’t know when I will be either. Tell him to get a room somewhere or stay with Vince. I’ll let him know if and when I’m ready. OK?”  
“Mom…you sure?”  
“Yes. I’m sure. I love you. I gotta go, Rita disappeared here in Macy’s and I don’t know where the hell I am right now either.”  
“You gonna be OK Mom?”  
“No. I mean, yes. I’ll call ya later.”  
Lena set the phone down in the console and looked straight ahead as she drove, leaving Mike to sit and fidget nervously, until finally he had to ask her what was said.  
“She doesn’t want to see you.”  
Mike looked shocked. “Really?”  
Lena shrugged. “Well, can you blame her? I mean, talk about a bombshell. She’ll call me in about thirty minutes, I’ll bet you anything.”  
Mike laughed bitterly. “Well kid, I don’t have anything to bet. I’m pretty sure I lost everything already.”  
Lena was pulling up to her apartment. Tommy’s Hellcat wasn’t there, and she knew he would be gone for a while, giving her time with her father to catch up over coffee. Mike looked around her apartment as she busied herself in the kitchen. He took his time, smiling at the pictures of the family on the wall by her study table. He picked up a framed photo of Tommy, Lena, and Brendan inside the ring at Sparta and studied it.  
“So…you really married Tommy Conlon, huh?”  
Lena blushed. “Yes. And I’m pregnant.”  
Mike turned to look at her with tears in his eyes. “Maybe I’m not too late.” He went to her and gingerly hugged her. “Congratulations, Lena. You will make a great mom.”  
Lena fought back the tears too as they disengaged. “I had a great teacher. Mom is the best.”  
Mike nodded. “Yes. She is. Always was. I really fucked up. Should’ve been there for you guys…”  
“You know Dad…you can’t change the past. There’s no sense beating yourself up. From the looks of things you paid a heavy price yourself for running.”  
“Oh yeah. And I will tell you everything…if you want.”  
Lena nodded but continued. “We can’t worry about the past. All we have is today, right now. And our lives turned out the way they did for a reason. I can’t see it right now, but I believe it. I know that sounds like a bunch of crap, but… Vince did a good job, he did the best he could to take care of me in your absence, and I would say he kicked ass.”  
Mike shook his head, looking down at his feet. “There’s no way I could ever pay him back for all he did.”  
“Yeah…he paid for anything my loans and grants didn’t cover, and now I co-own the restaurant. I think he figured out a way for me to pay him back, there was something in the paperwork that I couldn’t quite figure out…” Lena laughed, pouring hot coffee in a couple of mugs. “But I think he made it work in his favor. Doesn’t matter, I am well paid, Vince takes good care of me. And Tommy…”  
Mike sat at the little table, littered as it was with cut outs and ads for houses on the market. He glanced at the papers and tried not to stare.  
“So, Vince told me he won Sparta. Said he’s a partner with the owner?”  
“Yeah, he’s an advisor, probably something more. He worked his ass off and won the tournament. Such a champ. He’s doing great. He wasn’t when I met him. It wasn’t a problem for me, he never asked for anything he didn’t pay back. He suffered all his life, but now, he’s on a huge upswing. Makes me dizzy thinking about it. He’s going to New York the end of this week to spend some time with J.J.”  
Mike sat next to Lena at the crappy little table. “Is that the owner or whatever?”  
Lena smiled at her father, stealing a sip of her blazing hot coffee. “Yeah. It’s all so crazy. I haven’t had much time to adjust. And then you show up.”  
“Vince told me David will be home soon too.” Mike looked terribly nervous all over again.  
“He’s supposed to come home in a few weeks. I don’t know what’s gonna happen. He’s been gone so long, and we hardly heard from him the entire time he was away. Mom has been a total wreck. She held herself together best she could…Cal really stepped in. Rita and Mom are livin’ together, Vince tell you that?”  
Mike shook his head and laughed. “Well, that doesn’t surprise me. Your mom and Rita were thick as thieves since we were all in high school together. And me and Teddy…I can’t believe he’s gone.”  
Lena dumped some more sugar into her cup. She had gone a little overboard on the grinds and the coffee was more like espresso.  
“Yeah, looks like we have a visit to the cemetery in our near future, huh?” Lena met Mike’s grave expression with her usual brave face. Paddy was buried not too far from Ted, Rita’s husband and Cal’s father. She thought about making a day of it soon. It occurred to her, why not today?  
Mike nodded slowly. “Ted was my brother. He copied off me in school to pass, and I copied off him to bag your mom.”  
Lena smacked his arm as he laughed wickedly. “Bag mom! Jeez, what a way with words you got.” But she was laughing too.  
“So what else? Vince told me you graduated with honors. Are you thinking about going for your Master’s?”  
Lena scoffed. “I have. But that will have to come later. I have the restaurant, and I really need to get serious about investing some of this money coming in. Plus…” She patted her abdomen, noting the slight swell that made her waistband a little tight. “I’m gonna have my hands full soon.”  
Mike smiled warmly. “I could never have asked for more. You did so well, kid. Congratulations again, for everything.”  
“I wasn’t alone. I had help. And if you’re feeling really left out, don’t. I screwed Mom over. Told her I wouldn’t elope, but I did. So, as you can imagine, I have some making up to do. I really need to plan another wedding before I get too big.”  
“You’re having a do-over?” Mike looked very excited at the prospect.  
“Yeah, I am. I mean, we are. Tommy wanted to do the whole church thing, so we have to find a foursquare or something. I definitely don’t want to go to classes and all that crap just to use the church.”  
“I hear ya.”  
Just then, the door swung open, and Tommy was fighting his way through the door in an explosion of color- flowers and shopping bags covered his frame, obscuring his face. Lena stood up and immediately began helping him.  
“I thought that was your car down there, doll, whaddya doin’ home-“  
Tommy froze in the foyer, staring her father down.  
“Tommy, this is my father, Michael Rossi.” Lena shut the front door and took another bag and the large bouquet of flowers out of Tommy’s hands. Mike slowly stood to approach the hulking menace in the living room, and stuck his hand out for Tommy to shake.  
“How are ya, Tommy.”  
Tommy slowly took his hand and shook it. “Mr.Rossi. Nice to meet you.”  
“Please, call me Mike.”  
“OK, Mike.” Tommy looked hard at Lena. “So when did this happen?”  
“He just got here today, with Vince. Wasn’t expecting it in the least.”  
Tommy slowly moved through the living room and into the kitchen, his face still as stone. “So that’s why he took off the way he did. How long you in town for, Mike?” He opened the fridge and grabbed a container of orange juice, and poured a glass for himself.  
“Uh, permanently.” Mike had sat back down with his coffee. It was clear he wasn’t comfortable at all anymore.  
“That’s good.” Tommy took a long drink from his glass, eyeing Lena with his cool aquamarine eyes. She was relieved they weren’t darkened, since he was not showing anything else- it was hard to know what he was thinking, and if there was any way to tell, it was the shade of his eyes that gave things away.  
“What were you out doin’, baby?” She took his orange juice glass and took a drink, then reached past him to grab the juice off the counter and refill the glass. The corners of Tommy’s lips curled up a bit-real close to a smile. He took the glass back from her and drained it.  
“I met with Colt, took some pictures for some bullshit interview for the UFC. Talked to J.J. and booked my flight to New York for Friday. You comin’?” His eyebrows went up a little. Lena didn’t want to let him down, but she had just got back home herself. She knew Vince wouldn’t be cool with her leaving again so soon.  
“I want to but…I can’t, Tommy. So much shit goin’ on at the restaurant-“  
“It’s cool, doll. You don’t hafta explain anything to me.” He kissed the top of her head and moved past her. His eyes drifted sideways to Mike as he passed the table. He grabbed the bags off the floor and brought them into the kitchen as Lena unwrapped the flowers and put them in water. “I was gonna surprise you tonight, y’know. You screwed everything up bein’ here.”  
“Yeah, well…I was supposed to be elbow deep in health codes and blueprints today.” She touched his arm as he dug in the bags, and he stopped what he was doing to kiss her softly. Just as she pulled back, her cellphone rang from somewhere in the bowels of her purse. Tommy’s eyebrows went up, and she winked at him, turned towards the table and grabbed her purse. She noticed her father looking like he wanted to run.  
“Hello?”  
“Lena.”  
“Oh hey Mom!” She smiled at Mike, who paled.  
“Don’t oh hey Mom me. Where are you? Are you with Mike?”  
“Yeah, we’re at my apartment right now, just having coffee.”  
There was a long pause and a deep sigh on the other line.  
“Mom?”  
“Look, can you bring him by here? I mean, does he want to see me?”  
“Yeah, of course. You want me to leave now?” Lena stole a glance at her father. He looked a little green around the gills.  
“Yes. But listen to me, I don’t want you to get offended, but I want to talk to him on my own. At least at first. OK?”  
“Sure, Mom, no problem. See you in 15?”  
“OK. Thank you. I love you, Lena.”  
“Love you too, Mom.” She stuffed her phone back in her purse and beamed her megawatt smile at Mike. “Well, Dad, looks like Mom wants to see you now.”  
“You did say thirty minutes, didn’t you.” Mike slammed the rest of his coffee. “Got anything stronger than this?”  
Lena looked blankly at him, while Tommy produced a bottle of Jameson from the cupboard above the sink. She pushed the bottle back at Tommy, while Mike laughed.  
“I was just kidding. Sorta.” Mike stood and tucked his chair in. “Tommy, it was really nice to meet you. Hope we can meet again soon.”  
“Yeah. Sure.” Tommy came back around towards him and shook his hand again. Lena still couldn’t figure out what was going on with Tommy- he was as polite as he could get, but his tone was gruff alpha male. Mike smiled weakly at him and walked out the door.“Take care.” He gave Lena a wet smack of a kiss before she walked out the door, and winked at her. “Come back here before you go to work.” His voice was a husky whisper in her ear, and his eyes glowed, making her blush.  
“Yes sir.” She headed down the stairs, all the while Tommy watched her from the open doorway.

Senna’s townhome sat in the shade, looking quite harmless, but Mike was sweating bullets. He sat in Lena’s Audi for a moment, staring out the window.  
“You’re not supposed to come in with me, huh? She really said that?”  
Lena patted his shoulder. “If you want to do this some other time, I can tell her-“  
“No. I’m goin’ in.” He gave Lena a light kiss on the cheek, and looked into her eyes as tears filled his. “I just wanna thank you for your hospitality today. You totally coulda told me to go fuck myself, and I wouldn’t have blamed ya if you did.”  
“Ah don’t worry about it. I’m just glad you’re alive, and you can still be in my life. We’ll all adjust, don’t worry.” She hugged his frail frame, and he broke away to open the car door. Tears were streaming down his cheeks.  
“Love ya Lena.” He hopped out and shut the door, and slowly made his way to the townhome. Lena saw the front door open, and her mom’s lean frame stood waiting in the shadow of the screen door. She waited until she saw the screen open and Mike enter, and then she drove off. Her phone sounded a text message, and at a stoplight she checked it, and it was from Louis- ‘Boss lady, Vince wants you back as soon as you can.’  
Lena knew she had to get back, but she also wanted to see what her husband was up to. She climbed up the stairs to the apartment, and she could smell the incense before she opened the door. Tommy had music playing softly, and she saw the beautiful bouquet of flowers shredded into just petals all over the floor, forming a trail that led to the bedroom. A noise in the bathroom startled her, and she opened the door- Tommy was coming out of the shower, and she quickly grabbed a towel to rub his head with.  
“You,” he growled, grabbing her wrist to pull her close. His mouth was open and insistent, and he was walking her backwards out of the bathroom to the bedroom. Her breath caught in her throat as his cock poked her hip and belly. The petals were all over her bed too, and she clumsily fell back on her butt onto a pile of them. Tommy stood in front of her, breathing hard, beads of water running down his tatted skin, glinting dogtags and burning hot eyes. She grabbed the thick pole as it waved in her face, and Tommy took a deep breath in.  
“Getcha clothes off, doll.”  
Lena started working all her clothes off, watching him absently stroke the length of his erection, all the while his hot gaze never left her. He waited until she was completely bare before he fell on his hands above her, his mouth on hers, devouring hers, his wet skin sliding against hers. She ran her hands down his wide muscled back, the thrill making her nipples hard as diamonds against the damp hair of his chest. Tommy was trying not to drop his weight on her, but his shoulder was screaming at him. He landed on his right side, and he never stopped kissing her. Lena pushed him onto his back, her kiss matching his ferocity, and her breasts flattened against his chest as she straddled his hips, her dark hair falling around his face. She writhed against him, teasing him as the tip of his cock rubbed against the very opening of her body he wanted to be inside of. His moan was more like a grunt of frustration.  
“Damn I wanted to be on top.” His face and chest were ruddy now, his pupils totally dilated and black. She rocked back on his hips, sandwiching his throbbing erection between them. His hands reached up for her breasts, and she looked down at him with a smile.  
“Oh Tommy…you have been and you will again.”  
“Sit on my face.”  
Lena tittered. “No!”  
“Yeah, c’mon…I wanna taste you.” He yanked at her hips with his good hand, and Lena looked down into his expression- he looked pissed. She knew it was the frustration of being hurt, not her. She closed her eyes and worked her way up his body. “That’s it,” he whispered, and she gasped at the sensation of his mouth on her- hot, soft, sucking, pressure from his tongue…  
“Ah Tommy!” Her thighs quivered, and she thought dimly she wouldn’t be able to hold her weight up for long- Tommy was just too good at this and it weakened her as she shot up to dizzying heights with such speed. She ran her fingers into his wet hair, shining dark auburn in the sunlight, and she tried to keep her hips still and her weight balanced as his fingers slipped inside her. His groan sang through her, and she felt that familiar cold burn in her face and breasts, rising from the base of her spine. His ministrations were harder, he added more pressure, and his thrusting fingers were about to make her scream. She couldn’t take it anymore.  
“I can’t Tommy, I can’t.” She jumped off him, fell back on the pillows, flower petals everywhere. Tommy flipped onto his belly and crawled to her, fell in between her open legs, and he drove into her, crashing on top of her. She breathlessly cried his name, and he worked back and forth, trembling and gasping above her.  
“Fuck me Tommy,” she breathed, looking into the abyss of his eyes. Sweat ran down his face, and the evil smile he gave her made her hold her breath. His body contorted and she felt so full as he worked the length of himself deep into her body. She struggled to clamp down on him, and he let out a slow breath. The slow circles he started became a rough rhythm, and she held onto the headboard, his name on her lips, as the blurring madness began in her brain. His good hand filled with her breast, he drove up and into her, over and over, and her legs twisted around him as her cries became desperate. She held his body aloft as much as she could, arching her hips to his, and he just drove down, rocking that spot that made her come so hard her brain flatlined and her body turned to a seizure of stone, and jets of warm honey made them both wet.  
Tommy’s rough breathless voice broke through the madness. “Oh yeah…come for me doll…that’s it…”  
When she opened her eyes again, she looked up into his glowing crimson face, veins standing out in his neck as he let go, his expression showing agony and ecstasy, his hips thrusting deep and his body shuddering, and she could feel his hot liquid silk flooding inside her.  
“Tommy, Tommy…”  
“Oh holy fuck.” He was helpless on top of her, and she was trying to accommodate him. “I can’t get enough of you, Lena.”  
She licked the sweat off the side of his neck, kissed and grazed her teeth along until she found the hollow of his throat, where she kissed open-mouthed until he bent his head down to kiss her. His scent was full in her nostrils, making her growl. All he did was make her want him even more. She was chewing on his stubbly chin, running her fingers into his wet mop of hair, her legs drawing up against his sides, the soles of her feet rubbing his buttocks. She wasn’t letting him up for air, and he didn’t seem to mind. He toyed with her nipples, gently as he worried she might be over-sensitive, and he rubbed his pelvis against her in slow circles, trapping her clit somewhere in there. Her soft cry was enough to let him know that he was doing something right.  
“You want some more?” His smile was partially obscured as he went in to bury his face in her hair, arching his back to get a better angle. Her warm hands were on his buttocks, urging him to keep it up.  
“Yes Tommy, yes.” She could feel him still a little swollen, sliding around down there, and she knew what she had to do. Without a warning she flipped him back on his right, and he laughed out loud.  
“What the fuck?” He watched her coming for him, and he lay back with a joyous smile on his face. Lena smirked back.  
“Yeah, I still got it.” She stretched over him, barely touching him, and he thought of an octopus as she kissed him, her body suspended just above his. His cock jumped upwards, and she caught it in her fist. His throaty groan gurgled deep, vibrating the bed, and she carefully ran her hot open mouth and caressing tongue down the flat plank of his heaving belly, one hand stroking his half-erection and the other gently pinching a nipple, nails snagging down his ribs, until everything met at the center of his overexcited body. She watched his abdomen clench in a perfect thick six pack as she took him in her mouth, slippery sweet and salty. His gravelly mumble of curses was unintelligible, his fingers got lost in her hair, and his legs trembled against her. She used every trick in the book, until he was fully swollen and hard again, edging deeper in her throat, but she didn’t stop. She wasn’t going to until he made her, until he couldn’t stand it anymore.  
“Lena, Lena…” She looked up into his burning gaze, he had sucked in his bottom lip and was trying to control his breathing. “You gotta stop.”  
She shook her head side to side, telling him no and also making him even crazier. A few seconds later and he was pulling her up and off, turning her around on her knees to position himself behind her so he could drive hard into her wet sex.  
“My pussy,” he growled, and his thrusts were short and deep, making her cry out loud. She rubbed her clit and felt torn apart as the orgasm came on suddenly, and she fell face down into the flower petals as Tommy assailed her through the out-of-body experience- if it was at all possible, her orgasms were more intense and crazed than ever before. Tommy waited for her body to turn to jello, and then he threw her onto her back. Her eyes were glassy, her mouth open and gasping for air, her hair a wet dark carpet around her head.  
“Not done with you yet.” He stayed on his knees but lowered himself enough to pivot into position. She wailed his name as he filled her again, and she watched his perfect body run hers into the mattress. He was unstoppable. She squeezed him tight inside her, making him falter a little, and then he rammed her harder. Her squeal was delicious to him, and he watched her come again.  
“That’s it, doll…you’re mine, forever…”  
Lena opened her eyes and realized in her opiate-like haze she was nearly blind. Tommy’s muscled physique was blurry, his voice sounded so far away. The ecstasy buzzed loud and thick in her veins, stronger than any whiskey ever made.  
“Yes Tommy...infinity.”  
She held him as he crashed down on top of her, choking in deep waves of drowning pleasure as he came again, and he was rocketing somewhere between galaxies in deep space, until it all came falling down and upwards too, and he was back in her loving arms.  
“How do you do that to me,” he rasped, resting his wet head against hers. “I never felt this way before. New every time.”  
Lena smiled, nuzzled his face with hers. “Like a virgin…hey!”  
“Oh God, shut up!” Tommy blushed, if it was even possible, and laughed softly as he rolled off her. “No Madonna songs, please.”  
“It’s like that for me too.” She rested her cheek against his mountainous chest. “It’s because every part of us connects. You have my mind, body and soul, Tommy.”  
He lay still for a while, his breathing slowing and his heart decelerating. Finally he spoke. “I can’t remember what life was like without you.”  
She looked up at him, and he held her dark eyes with his deep blue greens. “Maybe that’s a good thing. You’ve worked through a lot of stuff, Tommy. There’s still more work to do.”  
“I can’t remember the last time I had a nightmare, either.” He pulled her closer, until she was resting on his body and they were nose to nose. “What did you do to me, Rossi?”  
Lena laughed softly. “Not what I did, baby. You did it.”  
“No.” His face darkened. “You helped me. In so many ways. There’s no way I could ever show you how much I love you, y’know that?”  
She looked at his dark hair, his glassy eyes, his pink skin. “You already have, baby. You do, all the time.”  
Tommy shook his head, staring at her. She could see the tears well and fall out the outer corners of his eyes. “No. But I’m gonna spend the rest of my life tryin’.”


	85. Nocturnus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things need not have happened to be true. Tales and dreams are the shadow-truths that will endure when mere facts are dust and ashes, and forgot.  
> ― Neil Gaiman

Lena kissed him softly, kissed the lids of his eyes as they fluttered closed, freeing fresh hot rivulets of tears to run down the outer corners of his face and into his hair.  
“Nothing will ever change for me, Tommy. I love you in a place where there’s no space or time. Forever.”  
Tommy took her hands in his and rolled until she was beneath him, and he kissed her with a desperate passion, making her breath catch in her throat. It was a long time, and she was lost in his kiss, when she heard her phone making its annoying invasive noise. They both growled at it.  
“Dammit. Man, fuck work. Why you gotta go back? Can’t you just say you were with your pop?”  
Lena laughed. “Devil’s advocate. No, I gotta go back to work. Tell me you have the rest of the day off?”  
Tommy scoffed. “So what? I didn’t even ask about your pop. What’s the deal?”  
“He’s not going to do any hard time. He’s home now.” Lena stood up to get to the bathroom, but her legs had other plans. She fell back on her ass on the bed, and Tommy giggled like a schoolboy. “Ha ha, Conlon. I have to pee!”  
“Yeah, get used to that. Poor thing.” His hand was on her head, caressing and stroking her hair.  
“I know, I’ve heard.” Lena laughed softly and patted her belly.  
“Are you doin’ OK? I mean, with your dad and everythin’…gotta be fuckin’ you up.”  
She shrugged. “Yeah. Talk about out of the blue. And Vince, that sly old fox…tricking me. The whole time he’s been working on getting my dad out of trouble, trying to figure out a way to get him home. And David will be home in less than a month.”  
“If you ever need to talk about anythin’, doll…please lemme know.”  
Lena turned around to look at him- he was stretched out on bed, sunlight dappled along his bare flesh. His eyes glowed that unreal blue-greenish tint at her.  
“You know I will, Tommy.” She sighed and stood up, more sure of herself this time. “I gotta get back to the restaurant. Goddammit.”  
Tommy joined her in the shower, made washing her with handfuls of suds into an art form. His hands were slow and firm, and now she really didn’t want to leave. When she finally got out, she took his dogtags off and put them around her neck. Tommy just continued drying both of them with a silent half-smile.  
“Ain’t Vince gonna say somethin’…you had makeup on when you left.” Tommy stood in the open doorframe with the towel wrapped around his hips. Lena was halfway down the stairs, and she took one last look at him.  
“Yeah, and my hair wasn’t sopping wet either. What’s he gonna do, fire me?” Lena laughed.  
“Love you, doll.”  
“Love you too, Mr.Conlon.” Lena continued down the stairs and walked out to the Audi. She could see Tommy watching her from the kitchen window.

Back at the restaurant, pandemonium was ensuing. Vince was ready to kick out the contractors. Butch and Louis were double-teaming the kitchen, trying to get as much stuff done before it got torn into.  
“Goddammit, what the fuck? I asked you nicely the first time, and now I’m tellin’ yas, get the fuck outta the kitchen!” Vince was red-faced and on the verge of a heart attack. Butch and Louis looked up like abused children. “Not yous, those guys!”  
A group of workers were using the kitchen as a base of operations. They scattered like terrified chickens, grabbing supplies as they went. Lena stood at the open back door to assess the carnage.  
“Seriously Lena, where the fuck did you find these guys, Barnum and Baileys circus of assholes?” Vince strode towards her. “Come back to the office. We need to talk. Ladies first.”  
Lena made her way back to the office, Vince hot on her heels. He gestured to her usual seat, and he plopped down into his. He pulled a glass and a bottle of brandy out of his desk drawer and poured himself a glass, and drained it, then poured another.  
“Jesus Christ. What a bunch of incompetent jackasses. What did you do, kid, open a phone book with your eyes closed and call the first place your finger landed on?”  
Lena turned white, then purple. “No. I had Colt helping me, and he wanted me to use a different company-“  
“Remind me to call him and thank him for tryin’.”  
“-and I decided to use this company, they came highly recommended and the initial consultation sounded thorough and well planned-“  
“Well, kid, they’re not plannin’ anythin’ except fuckin’ up my restaurant. The health department almost shut us down within five minutes! I called the owner. He says he’ll be down here within the hour. I tole him ten minutes was too long.”  
“Do you want me to handle it, since I set the whole thing up?”  
Vince looked at her with glassy eyes. He seemed a little calmer than when they first sat down. The brandy hit him hard on an empty stomach.  
“No. I ‘preciate you tryin’ to clean up your mess, kid. But if the owner can’t get this shit goin’ right, I’m firin’ him, with or without a refund. So tell me, how’d it go with Mike? You guys OK?”  
Lena took a deep breath. “Yeah. We talked for a while, then I took him to Mom’s house.”  
Vince laughed. “She wanted to see him?”  
“No, not at first. It took thirty minutes after the first phone call for it to sink in.”  
“Yeah, so why the wet hair and no makeup? Your car hit a water buffalo or somethin’?” Vince winked. She opened her mouth to answer and he put his hand up. “Don’t even. I know it has somethin’ to do with that crazy Irish. Listen to me, will ya make me a promise?”  
“Sure, Boss. Anything.”  
“Make sure you put a drink in my hand in about an hour, OK? I thought I was gonna stroke out over there. I needed you here, and now that you’re back, you can do damage control. Also, Butch has a grocery list. Take over for Louis so he can run to the farmer’s market, OK?”  
“You got it.” Lena stood up on shaky legs. She needed to eat something. It had been a hell of a day and she was pretty sure she hadn’t eaten anything the entire time.

LATER. Lena had no idea what time it was when she made it back to the office. Louis had gone home for the rest of the day after the market run, and suddenly he was back, dressed up and pushing Lena off serving and seating, bartending and bussing.  
“Get outta here, boss lady.” Louis looked perfect in his black slacks, crisp white button-up shirt with gold cufflinks, black silk vest and dark red tie. He looked like a miniature Vince. “You know I got this. Come back in the morning. I’ll close.”  
Lena rested back against the silver prep table and sighed. She was exhausted. “C’mon. Dinner rush isn’t over, Louis.” She took a long drink from the lemonade Louis had given her.  
“What did I say?” His voice was all business, but his little smile was impish and adorable. “Go home. Please, don’t make me beg.”  
“Ugh, Louis. Don’t look at me like that.”  
“I know, it works, right?” He clapped his hands together. “See ya tomorrow.” And he walked off towards the front. Lena shrugged, went into the office and retrieved her purse, and found a note from Vince taped to it : ‘Hey, sorry I was a hardass earlier. Talk tomorrow. Love ya.’

Lena took the long way home, so she didn’t have to deal with the traffic. The clouds were gathering over the horizon in the fading sunlight, and Lena cheered to herself at the thought of a stormy night, locked inside the apartment with Tommy.  
The apartment was darkened, candles lit here and there. She could smell delicious food cooking.  
“Hello?”  
No answer. The Hellcat was downstairs, so she knew he was home. She found a note on the table- ‘Hey doll, Brendan picked me up to look at a house. Should be home soon. Dinner in the oven. Wait for me.’  
She opened the oven, and found her casserole dish inside, wrapped with foil. She grabbed the oven mitts and peeled the foil back- pot roast.  
“Oh yum.” She smiled, rewrapped it and pushed it back in. The shower was calling her name. Long, hot and lots of soap. She was lost there for a while, thinking of picking a house with Tommy, decorating the nursery together, and her re-wedding in some nondescript church, with her father walking her down the aisle while Tommy stood in a suit at the altar, Brendan next to him as his best man, and her mother and David sitting next to Cal and Rita in the first row.  
Tommy yanked the curtain back. “Jesus I thought you drowned or somethin’.” He kissed her surprised face. “Get the hell outta there, will ya?” His little smile made her laugh out loud with joy.  
“OK, OK already.” Lena switched the water off, and Tommy handed her a dry towel and watched her dry off. “So, where did you and Brendan go?”  
“Shadyside. Real nice house there, five bedroom, old Victorian.” His eyes misted over as he watched her bend over to dry her legs.  
“Yeah?” She stood, wrapping the towel around her head to keep her wet hair under control. Tommy stared at her breasts and licked his bottom lip, sucked it under his front teeth. Lena put a hand on the doorknob, but Tommy stayed her.  
“No. Uh, don’t…Bren’s out there.” His voice was a husky rasp. He closed the distance between them and took her lips with his, pushed his tongue in her mouth and kissed her like he was starving for her. She moaned a little in her throat as he pawed her naked body, and turned her so her face was pressed against the door, and he was behind her, grinding his full zipper against her ass. His mouth was still on hers, and her breasts were flat against the door, his hands on her hips as he groaned low, straining against her.  
“Tommy,” she whispered, breaking from his kiss. He stopped for a moment, and let her go. His face was beading with sweat, his eyes dark and his skin hot and red.  
“Yeah. I know.” He reached inside his jeans and adjusted himself. “Fuck.”  
Lena turned around and kissed him, slowly, softly. When she broke he looked a little less worked up. “Can you get me another towel, please baby?”  
“Uh, sure.” He reached back towards the built-in shelves in the corner and gave her a clean towel. She wrapped it around her and opened the door, making a break for the bedroom. Tommy walked back out to the kitchen and Lena heard Brendan laughing loudly. Her cheeks burned with embarrassment- he had to be laughing at Tommy’s hard-on. She rushed around and put on some sweats, a sport bra and a tank top with Colt’s Gym logo on the front. When she appeared, Brendan was leaned up against the counter in the kitchen, polishing off a beer. Tommy was pulling the pot roast out of the oven.  
“Hey Bren.” She hugged him and he kissed her cheek. “How are ya? How’s the family?”  
“I’m good, Tess good, girls good. Everybody’s doin’ good. What about you, Lena? How you feelin’?” Brendan pulled another beer from the cardboard six pack on the counter and cracked it open.  
“I’m feeling good, yeah. Everything is good on my end.”  
“You and Tom got any names yet?”  
Tommy shot him a brief look, but said nothing. Lena smiled.  
“No. Not yet. I mean, I think Patrick or Patricia should be in there somewhere, for your dad-“  
Tommy interrupted her. “That’s not necessary, Lena.”  
“Yeah, but…well, I guess we’ll see.” She smiled and Brendan winked at her as he took another long pull off his beer. She winked back, and reached in the cupboards to grab some plates. Brendan took them from her and set the table while she grabbed some silverware and napkins from a drawer.  
“So we saw a really kick ass house tonight.” Brendan sat at the little table and Tommy brought the steaming casserole dish over. Lena went back to the fridge to find something to drink, maybe she still had some 7up in there.  
“Yeah?”  
“Yeah.” Tommy stood up straight and turned towards her with a big smile. “It was really somethin’. I think you should come see it.”  
“My friend is sellin’ it, movin’ to Philly. He restored it himself. Gonna give you two a hell of a deal. Pays to know people, right?” Brendan winked at her again. Lena smiled.  
“Thanks Bren. Maybe tomorrow night?” Lena pinched Tommy’s ass, and he gave her a burning look. She blushed all the way to her toes.  
“Yeah, I’ll take ya. Come on, let’s eat.”  
After dinner, Brendan cleared the table and fought with Lena about washing dishes, and with Tommy’s help the kitchen was clean. Lena looked at the house listing on her laptop and fell in love with it- so many little touches, hand-created tile designs and all new wooden wainscoting.  
“I can’t believe he’s leaving all this behind.”  
Brendan shrugged. “The guy’s a master craftsman. Fell in love with some chick he met online and now he’s moving in her place two weeks from now. He’s leaving most of the furniture behind, too. Built most of it himself.”  
Lena shook her head. “That’s ridiculous. I gotta see it tomorrow.”  
Brendan nodded. “Yeah. Get Tom over here to take ya, before he leaves for New York.” He grabbed his phone off the table and stood up. Tommy followed suit. “I’m gettin’ outta here, kids. Gotta be up early. School starts in less than two weeks, and I have a classroom to set up! Thanks for dinner.” He kissed Lena’s cheek and Tommy walked him to the door.  
“Take care, Bren. Tell Tess I said hi!”  
“Oh yeah, before I forget, she wanted me to ask about your baby shower. Just let her know when and she’ll be there, OK?”  
“Got it. Thank you. See ya!” Lena shut her laptop off, watched Tommy briefly hug his brother, and then lock the door up after he let Brendan out.  
“Just you and me now, doll.” He bent over her chair behind her, kissing her bare neck and stroking her arms. She reached up and caressed his arms, closed her hands over his as he locked them together over her chest.  
“Ah Tommy…you’re amazing. Thank you so much for dinner, and cleaning up too. You have to give me your recipe, I wanna steal it for the restaurant.”  
He chuckled softly in her ear. “Oh no you don’t. Not unless you give it my name on the menu. Then I will tell you my secret.”  
“We have ways of making you talk.” Lena stood up and went into his warm embrace, lost in his mountainous frame. Gently he scooped her up and walked with her clinging to him into the bedroom.  
“You forget who you’re fuckin’ with, doll.” He set her on the bed, and she watched him pull his shirt over his head and throw it on the floor.  
“Oh yeah? What’s that supposed to mean?” She shimmied out of her sweats, pulled her tank off, and when she opened her eyes he was standing in front of her, stark naked, his skin warm and radiant in the soft glow of her bedroom light. His hands were on her, and she realized he was taking the dogtags off her to put around his neck.  
“I was trained by the government to know, to will and to be silent. Do you really think you can get secrets out of me? Huh?”  
Lena smiled up at him as he took two slow and purposeful steps forward, and she rested her cheek against the washboard plane of his abdomen. He shivered as her breath tickled his skin.  
“No secrets between us.” She kissed his belly, traced the line of hair that ran from his belly button to his sex. “And I already know all the secrets of your body, Tommy.” She looked up his body, past the hills of muscle, into the glowing coals of his gaze riveted on her. “I will get what I want.”  
Tommy blinked, then pushed her down on the bed, climbing on her as she was lowered. “So will I, doll. All night.”


	86. Gust of Wind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Like a gust of wind, you hit me up sometimes,  
> Like a gust of wind, you push me back every once in a while,  
> Like a gust of wind, you remind me there's someone up there,  
> Who ushers in the air I need to power my sail  
> -Pharrell Williams

Another long night passed, and Lena was in the kitchen at the crack of dawn, brewing coffee. She couldn’t think straight, she was exhausted, and she wasn’t even at work yet. Tommy came stumbling in, fresh out of the shower, and wrapped her in his arms.  
“Tommy.” She tried to clear her throat. She sounded manly.  
“Yeah.”  
“Hey, I’m an asshole for not asking. What did the doc say?”  
Tommy pulled back to look at her. His puffy face matched hers. “Yeah, surgery. But J.J. is gonna have his doc take a look at me while I’m there. Second opinion and all that.”  
“OK.” She tried to smile. It hurt. Tommy’s smile was much better.  
“Sure you can’t come?” He winked at her grimace.  
“Ah Tommy! You already know, I wish I could. Gotta pay my dues for taking time off.”  
“What’s gonna happen after maternity leave? You lookin’ at 25 to life or what?”  
Lena chuckled, rolling her eyes. “I’m sure Vince has his ideas.”  
Tommy kissed her forehead, buried his nose in her hair. “He’s gonna have to give you time. We’re gonna be busy, doll.”  
“Have you thought about any names yet?”  
Tommy was very still, and he took a deep breath before he spoke. “Muireen was my mother’s name. And yeah, Patrick somewhere in there, if it’s a boy. I like Manuel too…but we can work it all out later, doll. I just hafta know that you and the baby are healthy, I can’t think about names yet. So that’s all I got…I’m sorry. What about you?”  
“I like Etaine. And Finn. But like you said…there’s still some time.” She kissed his warm soft lips, and smiled at the scratch of his scruff against her face. “I gotta grab a shower, baby. Have some coffee.”  
“I’m on it.” Tommy let her go, and she drifted into the shower. Today was going to be another long day.

Later. The restaurant was running even as parts of it stood torn and skeletal. The dust was a bit of a problem, but Vince found some air purifiers to try and keep it to a minimum. Lena, however, was oblivious, and found herself falling asleep at every given chance. She knew it was the pregnancy and long hours combined doing it to her.  
Lunch was over, and Lena and Vince sat in the office, going over the revised plans together. After the third time of shaking her awake, Vince ordered her home.  
“OK kid, I can tell when someone is pushin’ it too far. And you, my dear, are doin’ just that. Take the rest of the day off, I mean it. I need you back in here to get this thing done. Your buddy the foreman said three days, so by Monday they should be out of here.”  
“Uncle, listen to me. I can’t help it, and it’s really embarrassing, but sending me home is not the answer. I can handle this.”  
“Yeah right. Lookatcha. The minute you sit down you can’t keep your eyes open. I know why it’s happenin’ and I don’t blame you. But please, just go home and sleep. Maybe tomorrow won’t be so bad. I need you rested for the weekend crowd. OK? I’m not askin’ anymore, got it?”  
Lena slowly stood up. She knew he was right, and she hated it. She grabbed her purse and went around the desk to give him a hug.  
“OK, you the boss. I will be back bright and early tomorrow. Thank you, Uncle.”  
He waved her off as she made her way to the door, never looking up at her again. She felt guilty, but also blessed she was in the business with someone who cared enough to look out for her.  
She was halfway up the stairs to her apartment when she heard bombastic rap music coming from behind her front door. Tommy was inside, packing his bags. His flight was leaving in the morning. She crept up behind him as he flipped through clothes in the closet, and her intent was to make him jump- she jumped instead as he whirled around and caught her in his arms, his cheeks pink and his eyes dilated black with a rim of mossy green around them. She half- screamed, half-laughed, and Tommy was all smiles.  
“Whattya tryin’ to do, huh?” He shook her a little, chuckling softly. “You scared yourself.”  
“I didn’t think you could hear me with THIS RAP BLARING!” She deliberately yelled the last half of her sentence, trying to prove a point, as Outkast’s B.O.B started with a driving drumbeat and Andre 3000 was yelling a mouthful. Tommy raised his phone and turned the volume down on the Bluetooth settings, and the computer quieted by volumes. Lena smiled, looking into his eyes, and Tommy pocketed his phone to take her back into his arms again.  
“I’m gonna miss you, doll.”  
“Yeah, I’m gonna miss you too. We still have time to go see this house, or what?”  
“Yeah! What ya doin’ home, you OK?”  
Lena sighed. “Vince sent me home. I keep falling asleep when I stop moving for too long.” She looked into his eyes and smiled weakly. “Guess I’m not as tough as I think I am.”  
“That’s bullshit.” Tommy’s thick accent stretched over his deep gravelly voice. “You’re tougher than most guys I know. I mean, shit…you put up with me, don’tcha?”  
Lena laughed and kissed him briefly. “That’s a labor of love, baby.”

The rain was pouring down, and the car windows were clouded with their breath as Lena and Tommy idled in the line. Tommy insisted she pull up and let him out, that there was no need for her to get out and walk with him in the rain just to sit inside the airport.  
“Y’know, when I went to basic training, I sat at a bus stop for almost two days. I was alone, doll. I had no one and nothin’ to come back to. I can be alone and handle all the airports in the world, so long as I know I got you to come home to.”  
Lena had tried to argue with him, she wanted to sit with him and wait, but he was firm in his decision. She dropped him off, and left him there with sweet kisses on his lips and a couple bite marks in other places, and the promise of seeing each other again in a few days.

The entire weekend was chaotic and exhausting. When the crew told Vince he needed to close early on Sunday night and open late on Monday, Lena did an internal dance for joy. Just a little extra time for herself, time to check in on her mom, time to pick up Tommy from the airport…time away from the mess. The restaurant would be completed by the end of the following week. There was also the hope that her brother would be checking in soon, calling to say when he was headed home. Lena had so much going on in her mind it felt like she had a head full of bees, each one a thought that flitted in and out with its own urgency attached.

The TV was blaring at the restaurant Saturday night- Vince turned off the first stage World Cup game between England and Greece off just to turn on MMA Live on ESPN, hoping to catch coverage of the Sparta announcement press meet in New York with Tommy and J.J. Riley. Lena was working the bar when she heard Tommy’s voice over the din of the customers and construction in the kitchen.  
“…I’ll be taking over duties as technical advisor and some executive responsibilities as well-“  
“Tommy’s gonna be my right hand man, if that answers your question.” J.J. smiled from behind a small table festooned with red Sparta advertising.  
A reporter in the back piped up- ‘What qualifications does Mr.Conlon actually have that would benefit the Sparta monolith?’  
J.J. looked around the room to focus on the reporter. “He was highly trained in the military, he is disciplined and dedicated. He has been wrestling since he learned to walk. He’s been through Sparta twice, and won the second time. He’s experienced both extreme highs and lows in his life. And he is my good friend. I trust him. Anything else you need to know?”  
The crowd of reporters laughed. Tommy looked stoic as ever.  
“Look, we all have that person that comes along and gives you the guts to keep going, wakes you up and makes you ready for battle. Sometimes we shun that person, cuz we’re not ready for the challenge. I’m not letting this opportunity go. The company will benefit, the fighters will benefit, and more importantly, I myself will benefit. I wanna focus on other ventures too. You guys remember I’m from Wall Street, right?” The crowd laughed. “I got other ideas I’m cooking up and I need someone I can trust on my side. Tommy’s it. Any other questions?”  
Lena wasn’t paying attention to anything else, besides Tommy’s cool gaze as he regarded the crowd, and the well-fitting black suit and tie he was wearing.  
“Oh my God.” She set the glasses she had in her hands down, and one of the servers banged her tray down on the bar to get Lena’s attention. “Oh shit, Trina, I’m sorry-“  
“It’s cool, I just need those Long Islands like, now.”  
Lena started mixing and pouring while keeping one eye on the screen. The drilling and banging got louder from the kitchen, and she couldn’t hear what Tommy was saying, but she could see the cold fire in his eyes. His cheeks flushed dark pink, sharply contrasting the crisp white dress shirt he was wearing. Someone must have said something or asked something not very nice.  
Later, Lena was balancing the register at the bar. The restaurant was ten minutes from closing, and most of the staff was gone or busy cleaning and doing their side work, when she heard the front door open.  
“Closing in ten,” she said out loud, not looking up.  
“That’s enough time to have a drink with my baby sister.”  
Lena snapped her head up and looked into David’s beaming expression. She let out a scream of joy.  
“You’d be surprised what you can find at the Greyhound bus station these days,” Cal quipped, sitting down at the bar next to David. Lena had run around the bar to throw her arms around her brother.  
“Had to go get married without me, huh Lee?” David laughed softly as Lena began to cry. “And Dad’s back? What the hell is goin’ on the Burgh?”  
David was 6”3’, 240 pounds at least. The service had made him a monstrous machine of a man. Lena was shocked at the strength and width of her brother. Not the same person she remembered. She pulled back to look into his deep coffee brown eyes. His skin was darkly tanned and she could see Afghanistan had not been kind- his youth had been stolen away.  
“Yo, set us up with some drinks, baby girl!”  
“She can’t drink, D.” Cal nodded as David craned his neck to look back at him.  
“What’s this?”  
Lena laughed through her tears. “Tommy and I…we’re pregnant.”  
David looked shocked. “Damn. I’m gonna be an uncle too?”  
“You’re just in time.”  
“Yeah.” David let her go enough to look down at her belly. “You can’t be very far along.”  
“Almost five months. I actually have a doctor appointment on Tuesday. We should be finding out if it’s a boy or girl soon-“  
“Boy!” Cal piped up. “I’m gonna have a little nephew to train-“  
“Hey, you can train a niece too, jerk.” Lena reached over to sock his arm.  
“Yeah, of course I can.”  
Lena looked back at David. “Why didn’t you call me and tell me you were coming home? And have you been to see Mom yet?”  
David held his hands up defensively. “Hold up, Lee! I tried to call you, not sure why I couldn’t get ahold of you! And no, you’re the first person I wanted to see.”  
Lena beamed with happiness. “It’s all good. Sorry if you called and I didn’t answer.”  
“Well I was using a local phone outside of Camp Rhine. I wasn’t supposed to tell anyone we were leaving when we did. So…but none of it matters now. You look beautiful.”  
“And you! You’re just…well, holy shit you’re scary!”  
“There were lots of days we just did nothing but challenge each other and I was determined to get the biggest.”  
“Well, I would say you must have won.” Lena gripped his bicep and couldn’t get her hands around it.  
“Yeah, actually. I did.” David beamed. His close-cut beard was thick and black, his teeth white like bone china, and his skin was dark as golden rosewood. Lena thought he must have been harassed a lot for looking ethnic.  
“So can a guy get a drink, Miss Closing in Ten?”  
Lena laughed, coming around the bar. “Actually, we’re officially closed now. Sorry.” She drew a wheat beer for her brother, who slid it to Cal.  
“No thanks. Got any Macallan? On the rocks.”  
Lena’s eyebrows went up. “Nothing too pricey, huh?”  
David laughed. “Hey, that’s what you get hangin’ with the Sergeant Major. Develop expensive tastes.”  
Lena poured him some whiskey and made herself a virgin Bloody Mary. They were watching the staff shut off some lights when Vince came striding out of the back.  
“Yo, kid, what’s takin’ so long, though ya were about done-“ He froze when he saw David and Cal sitting at the bar. “Davey? Is that you?!?”  
“Yeah old man, it’s me.” David stood up and approached Vince, and in Lena’s eyes, the man she called Uncle looked dwarfed compared to her brother. They hugged, and then Vince was sitting down at the bar too. Lena was pouring drinks until 1AM, when she suddenly remembered her phone was in the office. She raced to get it, and saw the missed calls and texts from Tommy, the last one read-  
*Hey. You must be busy. Just wanted to tell you I love you. Going to some stupid party with JJ. Wish I were home. Call you in the morning.*  
Lena took her phone with her when she headed back up to the bar. She didn’t want to miss anything else.

Early September had started with a heatwave in Pittsburgh. A breeze blew across Lena’s face and she was grateful for it, as the parking lot at Heinz Memorial Chapel was already hot in the early morning. Rita and Senna got out slowly, as their collective arthritis was acting up.  
“Wow. Just wow, Lena.” Senna kissed her daughter’s cheek and hugged her as they stared up at the towering spires of the chapel. “I can’t believe this is happening.”  
Lena had tears in her eyes as she held her mother to her once more, and then Rita came around to join them.  
“I am so happy and lucky to have you ladies here with me. Thank you for everything. I wouldn’t be the person I am today without you two.”  
Rita cried a little, then shook it all off. “This day is going to be perfect. Let’s not get your face all puffy now. Let’s get in there and get you all gussied up!”

The guests arrived to the sounds of melodic and romantic traditional Irish music, and were seated by large burly men from the gym that Colt had pressed into being ushers. Lena and her father waited in a small room until it was time to walk down the aisle together. Her belly had just really started to show by this time, and she had been lucky enough to find a dress suitable for the occasion, with an empire waist and billowing fabric to conceal it. Meanwhile her father couldn’t stop tearing up, looking at his daughter looking so elegant and beautiful, and that he got to be there at all, made him weep tears of joy.  
Tommy and Brendan were sitting next to Cal and David at the front aisle, waiting for their cues. Tommy was twitching in his seat, his legs were restless, his eyes were black pools of anxiety. David and Cal were laughing nervously watching him, and then sat back in shock as Rita came over to him, took his hand and leaned forward to whisper something only Tommy heard. As she walked away to sit down next to Senna, the guys noticed a complete change come over Tommy- his expression softened, and his eyes cleared. And then “Just Breathe” by Pearl Jam started playing. Tommy and Brendan stood to approach the altar, where Daniel Bradford stood waiting for them with a wide smile. The church hushed and Rosie and Emily slowly came down the aisle, spreading flower petals as they went. Finally Lena and her father came around the backside and began the walk to the altar. Lena felt the heat rising in her face as she looked around at all her friends from school, people she knew from the gym, and her mother and brother sitting in the front…finally, her Tommy standing at the altar, his eyes glistening with tears as he watched her. She wanted to run into his arms, but she knew what she had to do. She took her time with her father, knowing this was something she had never imagined would be a reality- her family was whole now, and she was about to expand on it with Tommy and the baby.  
Tommy watched her approach, her hair styled in an elegant braided bun, flowers in her hair and the wispy veil doing nothing to hide her beautiful dark eyes, as she watched him watching her with a wide smile on her face. He took her arm as Mike passed her to him, and he whispered “I love you” as a stray tear broke away and fell on her lace sleeve.  
‘Hold me til I die, meet you on the other side…’

The reception was held at the Pennsylvanian, with a enormous rotunda and a beautiful skylight, and there was enough room for everyone at the wedding plus all the ones that couldn’t make the wedding, but wanted to come by and wish the couple congrats.  
Tommy actually took Lena out on the floor when “All My Life” started playing- Colt’s nephew, Ras, was spinning for them, and he was pulling all the classics out.  
“Well,” Lena said, smiling into her husbands eyes, “and where did you suddenly learn to dance?”  
Tommy snickered. “You just think I’m trainin’ for a fight, huh? I know how to move, sister. Mom taught me a long time ago.”  
Lena buried herself in his arms, her face pressed against his neck that smelled of Armani Code and that unmistakable scent that was totally Tommy’s.  
“I love you so much, Lena. I would marry you every single day, over and over.”  
Lena pulled back and swung out as they glided, spun on his fingers, and he pulled her back in a spin until she was back in his arms.  
“Thomas Conlon, I make you my world. My heartbeat, your blood. Your breath, my lungs.” She repeated her vows and then kissed him, a real kiss that made her disappear inside him for a moment, in the dark moonlit sea that was rocked by a forever storm, and she shone like a lighthouse there for him, drawing him closer to shore, to shelter. “I love you with every part of me.” She spoke those words loud enough only for him, her lips grazing his as she spoke, and his breath on her face made her gasp for air as the sob rose in her throat.  
“My sweet,” he whispered, burying her face in his shoulder as she cried a little. The song was almost over, and everyone was silent and watching, but they didn’t see or hear anything but the beating of their hearts and the sweet nothings they whispered to each other.


	87. No Quarter

The flight to Hawaii was almost 14 hours non-stop. Lena watched Tommy take his nerve pills and then sink down into his seat, his dark black sunglasses still on. She took his hand and smiled weakly.  
“It’s gonna be OK, babe.” She kissed his knuckles, finally all healed from Sparta and training. It was the first time she had not seen bloody knuckles on Tommy Conlon, and it was a relief.  
“I know, I just hate flying, hate being off the ground. Makes me nervous.”  
Lena tried to be as comforting as possible. She could not tell if she was having any effect on him at all, his eyes shielded by the dark sunglasses. “Try and sleep. If you need anything I am right here.”  
“Just need you.” And those were the last words he spoke for almost ten hours. Lena spent the time dozing and reading her trades and futures magazines. Her next move was conquering Wall Street. Vince thought she was crazy, but she already was accurately predicting things, as she used her knowledge working the math and watching the daily rise and fall of the markets. Brendan was in on it with her, and Tess was getting irritated- she didn’t want to gamble their savings away. But Brendan was a physics major, and he had a strong math background. He believed Lena was on to something. It all had to wait now, as she was spending a week in paradise with her husband.  
“Are we there yet?” Tommy rustled in his seat, and Lena had been dozing as well. She stirred and leaned over to give him a loud kiss on his cheek.  
“No.” She checked her watch. “Three more hours, babe.”  
“Fuck.” Tommy sunk back in his seat and sighed heavily. “I just want to get to the beach.”  
“Yeah. Me too.” But when she looked over at him with a smile, he was snoring softly again.

Honolulu international airport was a disaster, even at 10AM, crowded and noisy. Lena thought she was going to pass out at one point- she had never felt such anxiety in crowds. Maybe it was the flight, she wasn’t sure. Tommy was scarfing more pills, as his anxiety was a constant within him. Add crowds and noise and it’s a recipe for disaster.  
“Christ Jesus fuck! Where are the bags?” Tommy was losing it, watching the neverending carousel turning slowly and not giving him what he wanted.  
“Calm down, babe. We’ll get them.” Lena put her hand on his shoulder, and in his agitation he noticed her rounded belly in his old Sparta One shirt, her dark eyes assuring him everything would be OK. He took a deep breath and finally nodded.  
Tommy didn’t calm down for another three hours. Lena wondered if he was ever going to be able to relax. They moved into their Lanai Four Seasons prime penthouse, and Tommy was on the phone with J.J. Riley for almost two hours. Lena was starting to get a little hungry as she drifted around the ridiculously beautiful penthouse. Never had she been in such an amazing place. It was 2:30. She wandered out onto the back verandah, where the ocean stretched itself out in all its splendor. She could not get over the beauty. She followed the stairs down to the sandy white beach, and she squished her toes in it, until the cold moist sand buried the tops of her feet. She listened to the pounding of the waves and was lost for a moment, when Tommy’s clipped voice woke her out of her reverie.  
“Hey! Where did you go?” Tommy came jogging down the stairs to the beach, his Pittsburgh Pirates t- shirt a little too tight, but his jeans slouching just enough and just right. Lena smiled, even as she witnessed the tension in his face. He was not happy. “You scared me for a second.”  
“I just came down to the beach-“  
“Yeah well I looked all around and you were gone, I didn’t know where the fuck you went.” His voice was a raspy rush of words, his face flushed and his eyes flashing emerald and aqua.  
“Sorry, you were on the phone, and I-“  
“Just nevermind, come back in with me, OK?” His hand was on her upper arm.  
“Tommy, what is wrong-“  
“Nothin’, OK?”  
Lena looked up at him, but his expression didn’t change. She couldn’t hide her irritated confusion, but she went back inside with him anyway. On the center table of the room, a tray with finger sandwiches and fruit had been delivered, along with a carafe of what looked like an orange smoothie, and she suddenly forgot she was aggravated.  
“They called to see if we wanted anything, I just guessed.”  
Lena nodded. “You did fine. Thank you.”  
“Don’t thank me…” Tommy was looking out the window towards the ocean. She could tell something was definitely up but she would wait for him to come to her. She knew it was pointless to try and force it with him, he was still trying to get used to having someone around that gave a damn about everything, and he was trying to learn to communicate with her in the most intimate ways. There were things that he didn’t even know he was feeling, much less be able to communicate in words.  
Lena poked around the sandwiches and decided on what looked like seafood salad. She poured them each a glass of juice, went to Tommy and tried to offer it to him. He dismissed her with a slight hand wave.  
“I can’t.”  
Lena stood for a moment with the glass in her hand. If this was going to be their vacation, she wasn’t interested in it. She walked away and flopped on a chair in the lounging area to snack on her sandwich. She wanted to just relax for a moment, breathe in her surroundings, and hopefully in the meantime, her husband would dial down a little.  
After a while, Tommy came and sat next to her, silent and not making any eye contact. Lena waited. Finally after a minute or two, Tommy took a deep breath in and sighed.  
“OK, so…J.J. has always had an affiliation with the UFC, but never partnered with them. He didn’t want to be part of their conglomerate. But he just told me…he’s considering it. Which could negate our contract.”  
Lena thought about it, then finally spoke. “One way or the other we’ll be OK, Tommy. I made sure to invest some of the money in short-term high-yield investments, so we’re set-“  
“That’s not what I’m upset about, Lena. He basically lied to me. He brought me in to this deal and now he wants to just pull the rug out from under me…” Tommy sighed. He felt weak for even admitting anything. Just another abandonment issue rearing its ugly head, and that made Tommy feel like a sucker. “Look, y’know what…” He sat straight and took her in his arms. “Fuck everythin’ else. You’re here with me…is all that matters.” Tommy kissed the top of her head.  
“I love you. It’s gonna be OK, Tommy.” She felt his chest inflate with another deep breath against her.  
“Yeah…” He pulled back and she could see the crazy in his eyes, then he smiled. “Fuck it, we’re gonna enjoy this.”  
Lena kissed his smiling lips, and when he kissed her back, it wasn’t sweet or short. He pulled her up to her feet and picked her up like she was a doll, still kissing her. She would remember the feeling of being pressed up against his chest, one arm trapped against ribs, his body heat, his breath, and the scent of faint cologne in her nose and on her exposed skin, his mouth on hers, the sway of his body as he walked…and the gentleness as he set her down ever so carefully on a cloud of bed.  
“Been too long,” he said in a deep broken huff, and yanked his shirt off. She took in a deep breath and watched him unbutton his jeans, the zipper sliding down almost on its own, allowing his jeans to fall to the floor. She was grateful he had not bothered to wear anything else, and she openly stared at his perfect physique.  
“Well?” Tommy gestured to her, and she quickly started shimmying out of her clothes. He stood with his hands on his hips and his pendulous erection pointing at her the entire time, and when she was naked, she sat up on the edge of the bed to reach for that pole. Tommy’s hands were on her shoulders, and he gently urged her to lay back. “Get on the bed.” She scurried up the bed on her back, and then Tommy was beside her, his body draped over hers as he started the kissing again, running his mouth along her throat like it was a slice of watermelon, his warm hands all over her bare skin. Lena tried to reciprocate, but he kept grabbing her hands to lay them flat on the bed. Finally he rose up on his knees and kneeled over her to pin her arms down over her head.  
“No,” he growled finally. “You don’t move.” He rubbed her shoulders, her ribs, her belly, everything but her breasts. Her nipples puckered tightly, and after a while she was begging him to touch her breasts, they ached for it. Still he wouldn’t. The urgency was starting to drive her mad. Her eyes would open to the sight of his body against hers, his languid expression and his burning gaze on her, his cock dragging back and forth against her thigh. She cried out softly, her entire body pulsed with need. Still Tommy rubbed and caressed her, deliberately keeping his touch from her sex and her breasts. He watched the perspiration rise on her skin to form a lace pattern everywhere, her face, her heaving chest, her round belly. As he slowly rotated his hips in a slow grind against her, she pivoted herself so his cock was inches from her aching pussy.  
“Tommy…please…touch it. I want you so badly.” Her whisper was rough and urgent, carried on a half- gasping breath. Tommy was dying too, but he was using every ounce of his self-control not to attack her, devour her, pierce her to become one with her as he always did. He wanted this to be about her, he wanted to push her higher than she had ever been, and repeated denial was a great instrument to get her there, and to teach him restraint with her as well. He put his head down and took in a deep breath, slowly let it out. His hands continued the slow tease, and he moved down to rub her legs now, her feet, slowly, back up her legs again, until his palms were on her jutting hipbones, massaging her pelvic bones, spreading her legs to massage her groin, all around but never touching her pulsing sex, even as his face was right there. He blew softly on the lips of her sex, making her twist with need.  
“Tommy!”  
He would not give in. Not yet. He rose back up to kiss her. He was sweating now too. His kiss was soft and slowed down, and she almost bit his tongue in aggravation. He waited for what he thought was the right moment and cupped her breasts, at last massaging them and gently pinching the nipples, rolling them slowly back and forth between his fingertips. Lena saw stars, her entire body reacted and she couldn’t help but get swept up in it. She was panting now, her body was beyond ready.  
“Yes, yes…” She writhed beneath him, as he was on his knees now, with her body between his legs. “Tommy, Tommy…”  
She looked up into his fierce expression, his eyes a shadowed kaleidoscope of ocean colors, his cheeks hot and pink. His breath was only controlled because he worked hard for it.  
“Please, please come down here.” She tried to reach for his stiff cock, now as it left a trail of wetness every place it touched her skin. He flinched away from her, and now Lena growled out loud in frustration. “Fuck, Tommy, what are you doing? Let me touch you!”  
Tommy’s expression was desire twisted with some dark emotion, and she immediately backed down. “No.” His voice was deep, ragged, and menacing. His hands kept rubbing and caressing her tits, and she was about to reach down to touch herself, if only to relieve the throbbing ache there, but she remembered Tommy’s orders. His hands finally started working downwards, and she arched her hips up even as he slowly caressed her rounded belly. He could smell the heat coming from her sex, and it made his heart jump in his throat- the adrenaline was raging through his bloodstream, and his cock was hard as steel now.  
“Mmm…” Lena’s eyes fluttered closed as his palm cupped her sex, finally, slowly sliding down, his fingers dragging through the profuse moisture and down. She tried to control herself, biting her lip as his fingers played along the nethermouth of her bottom, starting a slow circle around that gradually increased in pressure. His other hand began the same rhythm around her clit, and she had handfuls of sheets in tight fists, her face half- buried in a pillow. She was going to come very soon. Tommy seemed to know this and kept going, a little faster, a little harder. Her half-cry, half-scream was delicious to him, and he watched in fascination as her body spasmed in a tight band of muscle and gooseflesh, her face frozen in an expression of pain and pleasure. He watched her come and come, and then fall back onto the bed, fighting for air.  
“Lena…you’re so beautiful.” His voice was that soft rustling of trees in her mind, and she reached for him in her misty haze of satiation.  
“Tommy…come here…I’m so ready for you.”  
He was above her, between her legs, and she felt that thick heavy shaft against her inner thigh, then negotiating the entrance into her body. She had her arms hooked around his, and her fingers gripped hard on his traps as she felt him pushing easily into her- she was soaked with moisture now. She opened her mouth against his neck, breathing in his scent, the cold dogtags against her cheek. She was drowning in the heat coming from his body, and she opened her eyes to see his reddened chest crushing her breasts, his body all muscles and dark golden curling hair, pressing into her, against her, pushing her down to slide up inside her, his husky grosgrain voice moaning into her hair. She wrapped her legs around his haunches, urging him on, and he was filling her to the hilt now, his thrusts slow and deliberate.  
“Lena…oh fuck…” Sweat dripped off his face and rained down on her. He drew back to look at her now, his eyes all black pupils with only a slender ring of green around them, his face reddened, his nostrils flared and his lips bright pink and swollen. “I don’t wanna come yet…”  
She held his face in her hands, pulled him down to kiss her- he tasted like honey, and she deepened her kiss, her hips rocking up to meet his. He could only take it for so long, and he pressed his forehead to hers, trying to breathe. He withdrew, resting his thick wet cock on her thigh, and he kissed her mouth, her chin, her neck, her collarbones, down to feast on her breasts, then further down, to lick and suck at her sex, his fingers finding their way inside her, thrusting quick and hard into her.  
“Tommy!”Her voice was high-pitched and loud, her fingers snagging into his dark wet hair as her legs spread wide. Tommy wrapped his arms around her thighs and pivoted her up so her sex was laid bare, and he went at her like a man half-starved. “Oh my God!”  
His slurping mouth was all she could feel, and she was losing it, she was starting to thrash against the bed, absolutely helpless beneath him. He wasn’t stopping, even as she begged him to, trying in vain to pull him up. He wasn’t going to stop until she came again, which was going to be any minute now. Her voice turned into a squeal, her spine turned into jelly, and the fireworks behind her eyes lit up her vision as the orgasm built slowly in her belly, then rolled out through her entire nervous system, rattling her soul free from her body.  
“Tommy! Ahh…ohmyGod!!!” Her body was not her own, and then she felt him disengage from her, only his body to slither in between her legs and his enormous cock was driving into her again, thrusting in and out, and now she truly felt she was going insane- the orgasm had never really let go, and now it was flashing through her in an entirely new way as Tommy rocked her spot. Her muscles felt weak as she tried to grip him tight, guiding him straight to the sweet spot that he drove against again and again.  
“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” he whispered, gasping in her ear. Her hands ran up the wide expanse of his back and she held onto him as he fucked her hard and deep, their bodies slick with sweat now and the smell of sex filled the air.  
“Tommy, Tommy, I love you…” Lena was delirious now, her mind had melted with the intense orgasms she had experienced, and she clung to him as best she could, her face rubbing against his neck as he drove her down into the mattress. His back arched and his toes curled, and he threw his head back as he growled and cried out at the same time. Lena could feel his cock spasming inside her as he came hard, his entire body trembling. She reached out and grabbed his tight little ruby nipples to pinch as the orgasm rocked his world, and he roared- his nervous system was in overload. He looked down at her, his eyes wild, and she let go to cup his face in her hands.  
“So fucking beautiful,” she whispered, and Tommy shook his head, falling on top of her now, very carefully so he didn’t hurt the baby, and then he kissed her, breathing hard through his nose.  
“My line, Lena,” he rasped, and rested his head on her shoulder. His still-spasming cock rested against her leg, warm and wet. She smiled against his wet head, and she caressed his back, his shoulders, lazy and sweet.  
“No. It’s my line, pal. Get your own.”  
Tommy waited a beat before he attacked her, making her squeal as he tickled her without mercy.  
“OK, OK, Tommy I’m gonna pee let me GO!!!”  
“No, piss the bed, what do I care!”  
Lena thrashed like a woman possessed, trying to get away from him, but he had her trapped. She really did feel the pee coming as his fingers dug into her ribs and she laughed uncontrollably.  
“PLEASE TOMMY PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE!”  
Finally he let her go, as out of breath as she was. She got away from him and scampered off to the bathroom, seriously about to pee all over herself.  
“Not done with you yet!” His voice was loud and deep as he called after her.  
“I’m not coming out then!” she cried. She was so clenched up after coming so hard the pee wouldn’t come now. She took a deep breath, let it out, and tried to relax. Tommy came into the bathroom, chucking softly.  
“You may not come out but I can come in, don’t forget that doll.” He had that wolfish smile that let Lena know this was far from over. Just at that moment, his cellphone started ringing. He rested his head against the door and closed his eyes, letting out a sigh. “Fuck. It’s prolly J.J.”  
Lena watched him leave and sighed to herself. Some vacation this was turning out to be.


	88. Scorpio Rising

Lena and Tommy were sitting at Bar Acuda, waiting for their food to arrive. Tommy was in his second Guinness. She had tried getting him to talk after his hour-long phone conversation with J.J., but he barely said a word. Lena knew he was upset about something, maybe the possible merger, but she also knew he was used to dealing on his own, usually in his own company. He would talk when he was damn good and ready.  
Dinner was almost uncomfortable despite their beautiful surroundings, as Tommy drank into the evening, his attitude tense and brooding. Lena tried to make small talk to no avail. When he did look at her, she shrank-she wanted to believe the cold contempt was not meant for her.  
Lena unpacked her laptop when they returned, eager to get outside on the deck, where she could crack open her present to herself- a Dell Alienware laptop she had only begun to play with on the plane. She stared out at the wide expanse of stars in the full range of colors- blue, white, red, all spangled out along the black firmament. She had a tall glass of pog with her as she nestled into one of the comfy lounges and opened up her trading pages. There were some things that couldn’t wait any longer, and it was involving some speculation she was making at Brendan’s behest.  
Hours later, Lena was falling asleep. The laptop started to slip to the floor, and she awoke enough to grab it before it fell. She closed it and straightened out, and then was immediately startled when she realized Tommy was sitting on a lounge chair beside her, wearing nothing but black shorts and a beer in his hand.  
“Oh my God, how long have you been there?” Lena’s voice was rough and she reached for the glass of juice she had nearby.  
Tommy cleared his throat, his eyes fixed on the showcase of stars in front of them. “I dunno, a while. I went to the ocean and then came here.”  
Lena set her laptop down on the end table and stood. Tommy watched her silently as she crept up the lounger he was on and stretched out along his body. Tommy set his beer down on the end table and embraced her, buried his face in her hair.  
“I’m sorry,” he began, in his deep breathy growl. “I was tryin’ to come to terms with the conversation with J.J. earlier. I wasn’t tryin’ to be a dick.”  
Lena stroked the smooth warm skin of his chest. “What did he say, Tommy?”  
Tommy coughed and shook his head. “He wants me to rematch with Biggs. Last dance, he said. Said he’s under pressure, said I need to go to New York. I have to decide what I want to do, fight or break the contract.”  
Lena took a deep breath, the scent of Tommy and the sea in her nose. “Biggs. Why him? You beat him already, why rematch? Shit, you about choked him to death.”  
Tommy chuffed out a laugh. His hands were so warm on her skin. “He says he can beat out the offer the UFC gave him by settin’ up the fight. They’re threatenin’ him with legal action. If he doesn’t showcase fighters more often they’re gonna sue him.”  
“Now? Really. That’s the stupidest thing ever. Why now?”  
“New owner. Former loser of Sparta. Wants to take J.J. down. I don’t understand all the legal bullshit he was feedin’ me. I don’t know what to do.”  
Lena took in another deep breath, thinking about everything Tommy had said. “So if you don’t accept the fight you’re in breach of your contract?”  
“Yeah.”  
“Dammit I wish I had read the damn thing like I wanted.”  
“Why didn’t you? I left it right there.” What he didn’t say made her cringe. He had been hoping she would read it, at least that’s what she got from what he implied.  
“Well…all too late now. You’re the only one to make this decision.”  
“No. You have to help me, Lena. I can’t decide. I wanna tell J.J. to go fuck himself, but I don’t want to fuck this up either.”  
Lena was quiet for a while, listening to Tommy’s breathing and the dim roar of the ocean. “Well…I don’t think you should have to fight again. I thought that was kind of the point. And if you break contract with J.J. it would just be another legal battle…did he threaten to take back your sign-on bonus?”  
“No. Who cares? We got enough money.”  
“Not what I meant. Just worried he would try to sue you to take the money back.”  
Tommy shrugged, kissed the top of her head. “Not sure.”  
“You know, it’s kinda messed up that he doesn’t even wait for you to get back. Sucks.”  
Tommy didn’t answer, and Lena didn’t know what to say. She knew they would have to figure it out once they got home. She understood why he had been so quiet- it was a lot to internalize.  
Finally, Tommy made an attempt to sit up with her in his arms, and it really didn’t work out. Lena laughed and straightened up, suddenly their faces meeting. It didn’t take more than a second for Tommy to take her lips with his, quieting her soft laugh. His body was like steel against her as he finally picked her up, his kiss insistent and warm. Inside the bedroom, a ceiling fan lazily rotated and in the dim light she could see the bed had been unmade. She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him back like it would be the last time, and Tommy set her on the bed, standing up straight long enough to drop his shorts. Lena practically tore her light shift dress off, her body bare beneath. He huffed out a breath and climbed on top of her, Lena falling back beneath him. She welcomed him in her arms, kissing him again, and he was sliding inside of her with a soft moan.  
“I need you…”  
“Yes Tommy…”  
“Waited all day for this…” He drew out of her and then thrusted in again, and she buried her face in his neck, her hands running down his sides, her nails grazing his buttocks. “Lena…I love you…”  
“I love you too Tommy…”  
“I don’t care what I have to do….I don’t want our family to suffer because I fucked up.”  
Lena stopped him from moving and held his face in her hands. “No matter what you decide I support you and I am with you.”  
“I’m gonna fight him.”  
She stared up in the glimmer of his eyes. “Is that what you really want to do?”  
“Yeah.”  
“Then that’s it…” She sighed. “I want you to be sure, Tommy.”  
“I’m gonna make him change the contract. Doesn’t Vince have an attorney he trusts?”  
“Yeah.”  
“You think he’ll take a look at it?”  
“I’m sure. Armand is not to be fucked with. He’s a shark.”  
Tommy nodded, and wrapped her up in his arms. “Fuck it, I don’t want to talk anymore.” He disengaged from her and slid down her body, giving her little time to react as he neared her sex.  
“You’re the boss, baby.”

The honeymoon didn’t seem to last long enough. As soon as they got back she had to return to work, and Tommy met with Vince and Armand. The doctor visit was coming up, when she and Tommy would find out the sex of the baby. All she wanted was for the baby to be healthy.   
After reviewing the contract, Armand accompanied Tommy to New York to meet with J.J. and amend it. Tommy had to fight if he wanted to keep the contract, which was his goal. He wanted the family to be set for life. Lena was worried about the surgery he needed for his shoulder, the constant pain he was in, the damage that was there and more to come. Tommy tried to keep her calm. He and Brendan finalized the deal to buy the house on 814 James Street in East Shadyside for a steal at $850K. When Lena saw the house she was in shock. It was more house than she could ever comprehend. It was exciting to think about the possibilities there, and how beautiful it was on its own.  
Lena helped to set her father up with a place close-by, and gave him her old hatchback to get around in. He had to get re-established and Lena felt it was her duty alone, even as Cal and David tried to help.  
She had her graduation ceremony to plan for as well. She could barely keep her head straight. She ended up having to postpone the ultrasound so Tommy could attend. Things were hectic and she was exhausted.  
Another long night at the restaurant, and her feet were swelling. Louis kept her plied with water and tried as much as he could to get her to sit. Meanwhile, the remodel was chugging on, and as a result Vince was on the brink of a heart attack. Business had not slowed, in fact had picked up due to a review in the Pittsburgh Tribune. The food critic came in unannounced, which was rude in Lena’s opinion, but he ordered the special- a crab and clam dish with pasta, and soup and salad. He gave them a rave review, and Vince couldn’t be happier when he received a phone call from the Tribune about being in the running for one of Pittsburgh’s best restaurants. It required a few more visits, and Vince was excited to get it started.  
David had moved in with Rita and Senna, back in his old bedroom. He got a job in the private security field as he waited to get in to the police academy. Senna was planning on a big family dinner when Tommy got back from New York. Lena asked her to hold off, because after she got moved in to the new home on James Street she would be able to host everyone.

It was a dark stormy night when Armand’s limo dropped Tommy off at Vince’s. The flight had worn Tommy’s nerves down, and Lena found him at the bar, drinking whiskey on the rocks.  
“Hey you.” She side-hugged him, and he planted a wet alcoholic kiss on her.  
“Fuck. So glad to be home.”  
“How did it go?”  
“Well…I had to sign on for the fight if I wanted to keep my contract. Armand really helped, he got me out of a lot of shit. But man is he a dick.”  
Lena laughed. “Yeah, he’s not the friendliest person-“  
“No, that he ain’t. I thought J.J. was gonna come across the table and kill ‘im. But everything’s OK, doll. We got that appointment tomorrow?”  
“Yeah. So what you think, boy or girl? We still have to pick names!”  
Tommy shook his head. “I’ve decided to let you decide. I have a few names that I already told you about…the rest is up to you, doll. I don’t want to fight and I trust you. So.”  
Lena shook her head too. “You’re impossible, you know that Conlon?”  
Tommy gave her his best smile. “Yep. But ya love me.”  
“Of course I do.” She kissed him again and smiled. “So I have to close down. You gonna stick around?”  
“I might. I think Brendan is comin’ up, maybe we could eat?”  
“Yeah, of course, just let Louis know. He’ll take care of you guys.”  
Brendan did come up, and he brought Cal and Colt as well. The boys were in the back, where the deck was still being built, and had dinner and drinks until the restaurant closed. Lena brought Tommy home to the apartment they were going to move out of soon, and they both crashed as soon as they got in, no showers, no sex…just blessed sleep.

The next morning, coffee would not suffice. Lena slowly made her way to the shower after having a cup, and when she got out, Tommy was still asleep.  
“Baby…you have to wake up. The appointment is in an hour and a half.”  
“Hmm…” His arms were around her and pulling her down to the bed.  
“No, no…we have to go soon.”  
Tommy opened his bloodshot green-blue eyes and looked around. “What time is it?”  
“It’s 8:30.”  
“Fuck…my head is splitting.”  
“Get out of bed, I’ll make you some breakfast.”  
“No, don’t do that, doll.” He forced himself up and in the shower, then out in the kitchen with her, warm and clean-shaven, his hair slicked back. He wrapped his arms around her and the scent of Burberry Touch filled her nose.  
“You sure you don’t want any breakfast?”  
Tommy growled, kissing her neck and nibbling her ear. “No, Mrs. Conlon. I don’t want food.”  
“Dammit, Tommy…we have to go. Please behave yourself for a little bit.” She was grinning as she kissed him back. She could feel him stiff through the fabric of his jeans.  
“I know, I know. We can get somethin’ on the way, or maybe after. I just woke up wantin’ you…but I can wait.”  
Lena smoothed her clothes over, then his, trying to avoid the tent in his jeans. Tommy smirked at her.  
“I’m drivin'.”  
After a brief wait, Tommy and Lena were escorted back, where Lena undressed from the waist down and got on the bed. Her belly was growing quickly now, and Lena could feel the baby moving quite a bit. Even now as she waited for the radiologist to come in, Tommy had his hand on her belly, feeling the kicks against his hand.  
“I can’t wait to see him. Or her.” Tommy couldn’t hide his excitement at all, surpassing her anxiousness by a mile.  
Finally the radiologist came in, and started with the warm jelly on her skin, and at last as she pressed the wand down on her abdomen, little baby Conlon came to life.   
“Well, let’s see…I see an arm, and look, there’s a leg! Can you see the face?” The radiologist paused and looked at the couple.Tommy and Lena had tears in their eyes as they took their first look at the baby. He clutched her hand and sighed in awe.  
“Let’s get a better look…this one is quite the mover! Did you want to know the sex of the baby?”  
Tommy and Lena looked at each other, and Lena spoke. “Yes, yes we do!”  
“Well I hope you bought a lot of pink, because it’s a girl!”  
Tommy and Lena kissed briefly. “Is she healthy? Does she look OK?”   
“As far as I can tell, everything looks great from here. Your due date is…November 1st.”  
Tommy smiled from ear to ear. “That’s awesome. My birthday is the 9th of November.”  
Lena gripped his hand tighter. “A little girl.”  
“She’ll be beautiful, just like you.” Tommy kissed her again. “I can’t wait to meet her.”  
Lena cried a little at the miracle of what she was witnessing on the ultrasound screen. She never thought she would be a mother, much less married. The brilliant flash that Tommy was in her life blinded her. In less than a year so much had happened. Even more amazing things were on the horizon, and the next chapter of their lives together was about to begin.


	89. Caesura

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I know, I know...I have been away for far too long. Thank you for all the comments and kudos. You guys are fckn legend, you know that? Seriously I love you all. I hope this finds you well. It's short, but there will be more to come soon. I started writing a new story because I fell in love with Lee Pace...*blush* But Tommy will forever and always be my tried and true love. I will do my best to update both. If you are interested in checking it out, I took on the brave and dangerous Tolkien story arc for Lee Pace's Thranduil from the Hobbit. Until next time, thank you, dankie, shukran, do jeh, xie xie, dêkuji, tak, kiitos, merci, danke, efharisto, toda, sukria, terima kasih, grazie, arigato, kamsa hamnida, salamat po, takk, dziekuje, obrigado, spasibo, gracias, istutiy, asante, kawp-kun krap/ka', tesekkür ederim, tack. Thank you, over and over. XOXO

“Let’s see.” Armand pushed the papers across the table. Tommy and Lena took them to review them. “What do you think about this?”  
Armand’s clipped tone in his thick Spanish accent gave away nothing. His office was dark and cool, all black leather and dark oak furniture. As imperious as the owner. Lena read with Tommy, and the contract read three years, one fight, a total of twenty million dollars paid out in the three years of employment, full medical care, travel expenses paid for, vacation time four weeks a year.  
“It doesn’t state what his employment consists of.” Lena flipped through the six pages, confused.  
“It does, Lena. Page four, appendix 3.” Armand regarded her coolly.  
Lena found it-‘The party will be responsible for phone calls, interviews, press meets, minor paperwork, meets with potential clients, and will stand for employer at any given time in any given situation in place of employer. An office is provided for employee at New York headquarters. A dedicated cell phone will also be provided to employee that is solely the responsibility of the employee. The cell phone is to be charged and on at all times.’  
She turned to Tommy with a blank look. “It sounds like you’re owned.”  
Armand’s dark eyes flickered. “You realize how much money he is being paid for this job, yes Lena?”  
Lena sat back, handing the papers to Tommy. “Yes, Armand, I do. It just seems like a little much.”  
“You should have seen it before I amended it.”   
Tommy looked to Lena. “Well?”  
Lena shook her head. “It’s your decision. If Armand improved it, then this looks less like a slave contract now.”  
Tommy took up the pen. “How much are you taking, Armand?”  
Armand could have made the Sahara freeze with the look he gave Tommy. “My fee is 25%, as discussed before.” His face tightened up even more. “But your employer is paying for this.”  
Lena was shocked, and Tommy dropped the pen.  
“No. That’s not the deal.”  
Armand leaned over the table and glared at him. “It is too late. Payment has already been drafted to my account.” He pushed the pen toward Tommy. “Sign it, or leave. I have a client waiting.”  
Lena smiled to herself. Typical Armand. Tommy hesitated for a moment, stealing a look at Lena. She gave him a tight smile, and then he finally signed. Armand stood and practically ripped the papers from Tommy’s hands.  
“I will have a copy mailed to your house when it is all done. Have a good day.” He sailed out of the room, and Lena and Tommy got up.  
“Let’s get the hell out of here.” Tommy grabbed Lena’s hand and they rushed out.  
Back in Lena’s Audi, Tommy sighed heavily. Lena poked out of the tight parking lot and sped down the road to the highway.  
“Man. Fuck him. I appreciate him being so thorough but Jesus Christ.”  
“I know, Tommy, believe me. But he really knows what he’s doing. I trust him. His attitude just sucks.”  
“So now what?”  
“We have to meet with the realtor and finalize paperwork.”  
Tommy nodded. “OK.”

Lena brought as many boxes home as she could. She really didn’t have much furniture, but she had amassed a large collection of books over the years.  
“Why don’tcha got one of those Kindle things?” Tommy stood in his shorts and nothing else, helping her to pack them up. Lena gave him a withering look.  
“There is nothing like a book. Those e-readers are great and all, but I love the smell and feel of a book.”  
“OK, OK, sorry.” Tommy put his hands up and smiled, making Lena crack up.  
“Sorry baby. I just love my books, and I am still collecting.”  
“Fuck, at this rate you’ll need a room for a library.”  
Lena’s eyes got starry. “Really? Like an office, with bookcases?”  
Tommy laughed. “You can do whatever you want, doll. We got six rooms!”  
Lena shook her head. “I still can’t believe it. Thank you Tommy.”  
Tommy scoffed. “You got no reason to thank me, doll. The house is perfect, since we’re gonna have, like, 5 kids.”  
“What?” Lena stared at him as he looked down at what he was doing with a smile on his face. “Are you serious?”  
Tommy wouldn’t look at her as he tried to hide his smile. “What?”  
“You really want that many?”  
“I dunno, I mean, I think it would be fun tryin’.”  
“Dammit, Conlon, you think I’m just a doorway for kids to fall out of?” Lena was starting to laugh.  
“I think I would love a big family.” Tommy stopped what he was doing and looked at her, his greenish eyes like piercing pools into her heart. “Never thought about it before I met you, Lena. I was alone and figured I would stay that way.”  
Lena threw the books she had in her hands into a box and marched right up to him, threw her arms around his neck.  
“You know, I hadn’t thought about it much before either. Let’s take it one child at time, though, OK?” Lena smiled and rubbed her lips against his half-assed smile.  
“Yes dear.” He ran his hands around her shoulders and briefly squeezed her, then pulled back to look down at her belly. “Look at you. She’s in there.”  
“Yes she is. Etaine Patricia Conlon.”  
“That’s her name?”  
“If it pleases you.”  
Tommy laughed. “I like it.”  
“Very Irish.”  
“Yeah? And our next kid? What about your ancestry?”  
“Romanian and Italian…that could be a mouthful. I have a million family names.”  
Tommy winked and briefly kissed her. “You can have it all.”  
Lena laughed, feeling the front of his shorts swell against her.  
“I think I know what I want right now.” She kissed him hard, surprising him, and grabbed his hand to slide it under her shirt. Tommy had a handful of breast, and he groaned into her mouth, rubbing against her excitedly. Packing would have to wait.


End file.
